Posted tagged ‘Palin jokes’
September 8, 2016
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The New York Mets actually have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Is it for his baseball ability? Or are they hoping to get God on their side for a potential playoff run?
What’s all the #CARvsDEN stress, unlike in college football the first game doesn’t really matter as to making the playoffs.
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CEO Jed York, said today that the SF 49ers will give $1 million to two local groups to “help bridge the gap and create better collaboration between law enforcement and local communities.”
So who knew, maybe Colin Kaepernick could actually lead the team after all?
Ray Lewis, going after Colin Kaepenick on his protest. “I think Colin just needs to step back.” Although some might say if Ray had just stepped back in 2000, maybe Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar might be alive today.
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So maybe Matt Lauer’s real goal is to become the first anchor on the Trump News Network?
If #MattLauer asks #TimTebow about #Aleppo it could break the internet.
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Somewhere #SarahPalin is really upset she got interviewed by #KatieCouric instead of #MattLauer #LaueringTheBar
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Embarrassing interview for Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. But what are the odds that Donald Trump knows what Aleppo is either?
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So does #GaryJohnson‘s interview last night make him wish he had chosen #AdmiralStockdale as a running mate? #Aleppo
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A CNN report says an NBC executive “speaking anonymously” said the “Commander-in-chief” forum was a “disaster.” Wow. Usually disasters at NBC are with their prime-time fall lineup.
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Trump supporters are calling for a boycott of Starbucks after CEO Howard Schultz endorsed Hillary and slammed the Donald’s “vitriolic display of bigotry and hate and divisiveness.”
Well, it’s a free country, but weren’t many Trump supporters already boycotting Starbucks over things like LGBT rights? – or as my friend Erin says, the Christmas cups?
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Wells Fargo fired approx 5,300 employees for allegedly opening up additional accounts without their customers’ permission. Uh, over 5,000 people isn’t rogue employees, that’s company practice.
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Trump said last night that he was “pretty good with the body language,” in his supposedly top-secret intelligence briefing and “what I did learn is that our leadership, Barack Obama, did not follow what our experts, and our — truly, when they call it intelligence, it’s there for a reason — what our experts said to do,”
Uh, and we’re worried about Hillary’s email server compromising secrets and national security? #WTF?
Trump last night praised Vladimir Putin and talked of the Russan President’s “82 percent approval rating.” Well, by that token the Donald should be a really big fan of Kim Jong Un -whose approval rating is about 100%. Of living North Koreans polled.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: aleppo jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, kaerpernick jokes, matt lauer jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes
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August 30, 2016
Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA
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Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers
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#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.
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Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.
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Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?
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You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater
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Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin
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Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.
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Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.
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Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?
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Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.
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#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….
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An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid
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Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.
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ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama
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As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?
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Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?
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From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, Palin jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 26, 2016
Last night Madison Bumgarner gave up 3 runs. Today Johnny Cueto gave up 6 runs, Justin Verlander gave up 8 runs, and Clayton Kershaw gave up 4 runs. Okay, this really could be a sign of the apocalypse.
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On other hand, Sunday the Royals, Rangers, Orioles, Marlins, Indians, Twins, Angels, As, Dbacks, Rockies, Cardinals, Mariners, Giants and Phillies all have scored at least 6 runs. So maybe Kershaw’s four runs weren’t that bad.
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Congrats to Arizona and Coastal Carolina who will meet in the finals of the College World Series. Many people are thinkng “I didn’t know Coastal Carolina had a baseball team. Heck, many people are thinking, “I didn’t even know Coastal Carolina had a university.
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The Pittsburgh Pirates won three games from the LA Dodgers this weekend. No punchline, I just liked writing that. #SFGiants.
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Cubs’ ace Jake Arrieta, a TCU alum, apparently has to get a CCU tattoo after losing a bet to teammate Tommy La Stella, a Coastal Carolina alum, over the College World Series.
Uh, wouldn’t you think Arrieta is making enough money he could have risked something less painful like a car or a Rolex? #cantfixstupid
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Pete Rose was very emotional today at a ceremony the Cincinnati Reds had to retire his number. Wonder what odds he had gotten on it happening?
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Mitch McConnell when asked if Donald Trump is qualified for the presidency, said he’ll “leave that to the American people to decide.” Wait, don’t we elect Senators to make the tough decisions for us?
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In Lebanon, an endangered sea turtle is being treated by a rescue group after tourists dragged it out of the water, and apparently took selfies with it and beat it with sticks. Where is a great white shark when you really need one?
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Of course we knew that Palin would weigh in Brexit. Not only did she congratulate England but “America can learn an encouraging lesson from this.’It is time to dissolve political bands that connect us to agendas not in our best interest. May UN shackles be next on the chopping block,’
Uh, Sarah, even North Korea is part of the UN….
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SF Chronicle is reporting the story of a man whose North Beach apartment rent instantly jumped from $1,800 to $8000 a month. Many people will read this and go “That’s appalling.” Some San Franciscans will read this and go “You can get an apartment in North Beach for $8,000 a month?”
After #Chile‘s win over #Argentina in #COPA, Lionel #Messi says he is quitting the Argentina national team -#Messi-exit?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, College World Series jokes, copa jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Palin jokes, pete rose jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 22, 2016
But if we stop we stop laughing the terrorists win. #Brussels
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And note to terrorists – Pis off.
(mannekin pis, the unofficial symbol of Brussels.)
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Already some GOP criticism that Obama did not leave Cuba and fly home after the Brussels bombings. Of course, if he had, no doubt the same folks would have accused the President of looking weak and cowed in response to terrorism.
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So let’s see, will Trump or Cruz be the first to call for internment camps?
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For all those who are remembering “24” and thinking what we need is Jack Bauer, or just more torture to prevent attacks, there’s one little detail – torture often doesn’t work. And then we put American lives more at risk. Just saying. And no, it isn’t easy. It is never easy. #Brussels
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The Browns’ owners Jimmy and Dee Haslam said today they don’t feel they enabled Johnny Manziel while he was in Cleveland. And they said it with a straight face.
Jerry Jones says he wants to help Johnny Manziel get his life together off the field before the Cowboys would consider signing him. Translation, we think Romo is healthy and we’re not in panic mode, yet.
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Usain Bolt says he is retiring after the Rio Olympics, and some talk of trying to turn him into a NFL wide receiver But hey, Olympics are over in August. Why not a pinch-runner to be used during MLB’s September call-ups?
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Police in Los Angeles are looking for a JetBlue flight attendant who fled after being chosen for random security screening, leaving behind 70 lbs of cocaine in her carry-on luggage. Shocking, who can LIFT 70 lbs in their carry-on luggage.
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In Alabama, state legislators are considering a bill requiring all teachers to take training on how not to have sex with their students. This is a state that also has “abstinence-only” education. Maybe put the teachers in the same classes? #youcannotmakethisstuffup
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Rudy Giuliani apparently is about to endorse Donald Trump. No date given, but presumably his press conference will be at 9:11 some morning.
CNN “Since declaring its caliphate in June 2014, the self-proclaimed Islamic State has conducted or inspired nearly 75 terrorist attacks in 20 countries outside Iraq and Syria which have killed at least 1,280 people and injured more than 1,770 others.”
Scary. But now for the stats just from the U.S: Through March 22, in 2016, gun violence has killed 2,803 people and injured 5.617 others.
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In 2017, Sarah Palin is apparently going to star in a new “Judge Judy-style” courtroom reality show. Dear gawd. Is this the first step in Palin’s dream of being appointed by President Trump to the Supreme Court?
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Democratic caucus results in Idaho were delayed tonight. Wouldn’t it be have been easier to ask both Democrats in Idaho how they voted?
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R.I.P. Rob Ford. Only 46. He was often a punchline as mayor of Toronto. But he loved his city, he loved his constituents, and while he was deeply flawed, he wasn’t mean.
Categories: political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Browns jokes, ISIS jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, travel jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 21, 2016
WR Josh Gordon, who was indefinitely suspended from the NFL for substance abuse violations involving marijuana and alcohol, has asked Roger Goodell for reinstatement. Of course had Gordon just beat people up to deal with his stress, he’d probably be on an active roster right now.
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Chip Kelly’s introductory press conference with Jed York and Trent Baalke was all warm and fuzzy this morning. Why did it feel a bit like watching the fourth wedding of some Hollywood star? #unrealisticdreams?
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Donald Trump, asked about Sarah Palin as a possible running mate “”I don’t think she’d want to do it.” Translation – “I’m crazy but not that bat-shit crazy..
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Who knows whether this next possible “storm of the century” will live up to hype or just be another cause of unnecessary panic in the D.C. area. At least the Washington Redskins have done their part by not giving residents a playoff game and traffic to worry about.
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So in Pakistan, the Taliban claimed responsibility for an attack that killed 24 at a university. Awful, but I’m confused, are the Taliban now bad guys we are supporting, or bad guys we are fighting?
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University of Florida CB Jalen Tabor was upset with football players not getting any pay other than a scholarship, food and some other benefits. So he tweeted “The SEC Made $527.4 Million in Total Revenue and Players Ain’t Get A Penny. Modern Form of Slavery.”
Now, all my friends know how much I “love” the SEC. But last I heard, no one trained hard and went through a very competitive voluntary recruiting process to become a slave.
So does the collapse in the price of oil mean that the GOP will no longer feel as compelled to invade every country that has it?
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A report says that at Mount St. Mary’s, a small Catholic university, president Simon Newson said this at a faculty meeting about struggling students and retention rates: Faculty “think of students as cuddly bunnies,” but they “just have to drown the bunnies…put a Glock to their heads.”
Proving once again, that a PhD and a lofty title is no guarantee against #cantfixstupid
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In New Orleans, a woman kept her gun under a pillow and it accidentally discharged last night, killing her 3-year-old grandson while the two were sleeping. #ifonlytheboywasarmed
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Wonder what the conspiracy theorists who think #Trump is in the race to help #Hillary make of the #Palin endorsement?
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Walmart says that all of their over a million workers will receive “at least” a 2% raise. Wow. So with that 20 cents or so extra an hour maybe they’ll be able to buy some of the store’s products.
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The Dow was down as much as 565 points today but ended up down only 264 points. So I think I’ve got this figured out, the drop was all Obama’s fault but any bounce had nothing to do with him.
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ESPN’S OTL reports that the NFL sent three top health and safety officers to challenge the NIH on their proposed study on football and brain disease, even though the league has denied involvement. “I am shocked” said nobody.
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The Virginia legislature just killed a bill that would have decriminalized adultery. Since they are just across the river from DC is this VA’s way of discouraging members of Congress from living in the state?
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg, “Caitlyn Jenner is writing her memoir about her transition to transgender. It will probably be a case of “He said/She said.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, storm jokes, Trump jokes
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January 20, 2016
#SarahPalin has endorsed #DonaldTrump. Well, narcissists of a feather…..
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Or maybe Palin just likes Trump’s style, between his bankruptcies and divorces, Donald has does a fair share of quitting himself.
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Not that I am a fan of the Patriots nor their QB, but Broncos DE Antonio Smith says Brady’s a crybaby because “I’ve never seen any quarterback look to the referee right after he gets sacked.more” So instead of Brady whining to the ref, Smith is whining to the media? #potmeetkettle
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So forecasters are predicting a major storm MIGHT dump over a foot of snow on the East Coast. Or it might not . “Depending on where this tracks, we could see a ton of snow or we could see nothing,” said National Weather Service Kevin Kacan.
But why let possibilities get in the way of a good media panic-fest?
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Airline brilliance in action: Have a client on an American flight, at airport hours early, wide-open earlier flight, and they say $75 to get on it. Whereas the flight he is on, with a decent seat, is more full, and has no aisles left, so they could at least resell the seat assignment. And these carriers wonder why people hate them.
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Sarah Palin’s 26-year-old divorced son Track was arrested last night for allegedly punching and kicking his girlfriend, while apparently waving a gun around. #familyvalues #ifonlySHEwerearmed
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Donald Trump seems unconcerned about his referring to a line from the bible as “Two Corinthians” rather than “Second Corinthians.” Although it does seem with Trumps followers that he could say Jesus married Mary Magdalene and they’d shrug it off too.
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More on the Donald’s and his Corinthians (“Two”vs. “Second”). You would think that someone who has been married as often as Trump would remember how it goes. Because “First Corinthians” is quoted at so many weddings “Love is patient, love is kind…
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The President of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences says she is “heartbroken and frustrated” about this year’s nominees, and they will “dramatic steps to alter the makeup of our membership.” So it just occurred to them that 94% Caucasian and 77% male with an average age of 62 isn’t great for diversity?
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Okay, now #affluenza teen Ethan Couch’s lawyer is claiming his client may have been taken “involuntarily to Mexico.” Right, as if that young man would pay attention to any adult, including his mother.
The password management company SplashData has come up with a list of the most popular passwords. Numbers 1-6 are, in order, 123456, password, 12345678, qwerty, 12345, and 123456789.
Thinking if you have any of those, you’re eligible for the hacking equivalent of a Darwin award.
An Italian surgeon is seeking donations to perform the world’s first ever human head transplant. No shortage of opportunities no doubt for head volunteers – based on some recent polls seems certain a lot of Americans aren’t using theirs.
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Although, whatever you think of this election it will be a very nice change when the front-runners are actually decided by actual VOTES, as opposed to polls. For what it’s worth, in both England and Canada’s recent elections pollsters were badly wrong. And for that matter, they didn’t do that well on last fall’s U.S. elections either.
Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: affluenza jokes, Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Oscars jokes, Palin jokes, Trump jokes
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September 19, 2015
Stanford’s road to the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl might have hit a speed bump tonight.
#Fearthetree #Nerdnation #GoStanford. “Saw this coming” said NOBODY. #STANvsUSC
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Headline you didn’t expect to see- “Ohio State holds off Northern Illinois, 20-13.” Sounds like the Buckeyes’ players took this game about as seriously as they take their classes.
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Notre Dame won today but safety Drue Tranquill injured his right knee chest-bumping a teammate after breaking up a pass in the first half. So Touchdown Jesus may be backing the Fighting Irish, but Mean Bitch Karma still doesn’t like showboating.
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Author Jackie Collins has passed away at 77. And millions of women are thinking, “How sad.” Millions of men are going “Who?”
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Marshawn Lynch filmed an entire Pepsi ad without speaking. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.
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In New York City, authorities have closed a child-care center after staff members were accused of accidentally leaving a 2-year-old-boy at a playground. Apparently they just miscounted the children. Yeah, who really needs math anyway?
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Donald Trump just released a policy paper saying he wants to end bans on certain gun types, and that he supports nationwide concealed carry permits. Fine. Can the Donald start by allowing concealed carry at all his campaign events?
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A 91-year-old Florida man, Max Horton, was arrested for allegedly shooting at his neighbors’ landscapers because they got lawn clippings on his caregivers car. In 2013, he was accused of threatening Florida Hospital staffers, telling them he had a gun in his car and they’d be sorry if he went to get it. And this time police said, while being taken to jail, Horton also allegedly threatened to get “payback” on his neighbors.
Thinking this is not what our forefathers meant by a well-regulated militia
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Guess Sarah Palin couldn’t let her daughter have all the headlines, so she too is ranting over Ahmed Mohamed, saying the boy is an “obstinate-answering student” (say what?) , and that his device “obviously could be seen by conscientious teachers as a dangerous wired-up bomb-looking contraption.” Adding “Right, if that’s a clock, I’m the Queen of England.”
So in addition to everything else Sarah has delusions of royalty?
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Trump says “I am not morally obligated” to correct a man who claimed Obama was a Muslim. Uh, Trump was correct after the first 11 letters.
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A shocking upset in the rugby World Cup, as Japan upset South Africa. Shocking the Japanese especially. “We have a rugby team?
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A new iiPhone app will tell users how much time they have wasted playing games and checking social media. So will the app also have the ability to check how much time you waste checking it?
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My friend Owen Byrd shares this tweet from @JaymayAllDay – #wishIhadsaidthis : “If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lynch jokes, Palin jokes, Stanford jokes, Trump jokes, USC jokes
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September 6, 2015
Tom Brady on the Patriots’ locker room assistants who are suspended after Deflategate, said “It’s been a very tough situation for everybody. It’s put a lot of stress on everybody’s families. I feel bad that anybody is in the position that we’ve been put in. Hopefully we can just keep learning from life’s experiences…
Life lesson #1 – Little people take the fall.
Race to the bottom ? There are only 3 teams in #MLB baseball w/ 80 + losses;:they are ALL in the NL Least #Marlins #Braves #Phillies
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Tom Brady said he has “a great amount of respect for Roger Goodell.” I think I like. “didn’t know anything about deflated footballs” better.
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And here we go. A Muslim flight attendant says she was suspended by regional airline ExpressJet (American Eagle-United Express) for refusing to serve alcohol because it is against her faith. So Ted Cruz, Scott Walker, etc., where’s the spirited defense of religious freedom here?
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Sarah Palin on CNN – “Republicans are the party of tolerance.” And she says it with a straight face.
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Sarah Palin thinks we should all “speak American.” And presumably all immigrants should start out by buying a copy of the “Oxford American Dictionary?”
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Notre Dame star RB Tarean Foltson, the team’s leading rusher last year, is out for the season with a torn ACL. Bummer. But maybe God’s plan for the Fighting Irish is that they spend New Year’s eve this year home with their families.
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The Kansas State band has issued an apology for forming what appeared to be a phallic symbol pointed in the direction of arch-rival Kansas during halftime performance Saturday. Of course, the whole brouhaha has done one thing -millions of Americans who never would have noticed have now seen the formation.
A man is accused of trying to carve his name into a wall at the Alamo. Shocking. You’d think someone that stupid wouldn’t be able to write.
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Some in the GOP love to talk about religious freedom. So why aren’t any of them espousing true freedom: Follow whatever religion you want. Just don’t hurt anyone, and don’t take a job that forces you to compromise your beliefs.
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Ohio Governor John Kasich, who says Kim Davis should do her job, on the Kentucky situation “When we see these kind of battles going on, I get a little bit afraid that it turns people off to the idea of faith in God I think we need to talk a lot about the do’s, about humility, about helping our neighbor, about the need to live a life bigger than ourselves.
So after his best efforts with Denali is Kasich trying to throw away the all-important GOP crazy vote?
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A Bleacher Report story focuses on the recent lack of star QBs in college football. Because maybe with all the stories on concussions etc, the young men who are smart enough to be great QBs are smart enough to avoid football?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, GOP jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Palin jokes, Tom Brady jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 28, 2015
So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. #TomBrady
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But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one? Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…
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The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.
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Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”
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LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.
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So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.
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The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. #cantfixstupid
Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?
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So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.
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Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” #justiceforCecil
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bachelorette jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 29, 2015
Cleaning out the chokes of large steamed artichokes for dinner and thinking that light-colored fuzzy stuff in the center bears a striking resemblance to Donald Trump’s “hair.” #Coincidence?
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Sunday was the Gay Pride parade in S.F. And no doubt the requisite number of tourists will have proclaimed themselves shocked and appalled. So much so that they had to stay until the bitter end to see just how shocking and appalling the event is…..
Two shows lasting over four hours each total for the Grateful Dead at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara. With more fans staying until the end each night than will probably be there in the 4th quarter of this year’s 49er games.
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On the Peninsula south of San Francisco today, Caltrain had plenty of Orange and Black and Rainbows going north for the Giants and Pride Day, then later all the Tie-Dye going south for the Grateful Dead. Not sure if the train set ridership records, but they sure did probably break all existing records for total colors.
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Bristol Palin today “I made a mistake but not the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume. This pregnancy was actually planned.” Hmm.. does Bristol think she’s only 17 more children away from her own reality show?
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And let’s give her every benefit of the doubt and assume this “planned” pregnancy is from her former fiance. So the message is, “children need to be conceived within a tradtional marriage. But as soon as you have the engagement ring, it’s open season?”
So is Bristol counting on her children not knowing how to count to 9? Or not having enough sex ed to know gestation times?
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Madison Bumgarner has more home runs this year than Duane Kuiper had in his whole career. #SFGiants
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Maybe Madbum is the reason behind the SFGiants hitting renaissance. Who wants to be shown up by your own pitcher?
Lindsey Graham was the first Republican candidate to say that the GOP would be making a mistake to propose a Constitutional amendment against gay marriage. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.
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Kobe Bryant said in an interview that he’s made some of his teammates cry.. Thought Kobe’s last two-year $48.5 million contract extension has made a LOT of Lakers’ fans cry.
Cincinnati Bengals defensive coordinator Paul Guenther told ESPN that Johnny Manziel should emulate Drew Brees. Well, sure, Manziel is only missing two things – temperament and talent.
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In Texas, the state attorney general said that clerks, judges and justices of the peace opposed to SCOTUS’s “lawless’ opinion still could refuse to issue licenses and perform weddings based on their religious beliefs. Hmm, wonder if those Texans would be more likely to support gay weddings if both participants requested conceal carry licenses at the same time?
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Or if the happy couple showed up with firearms. Talk about a shotgun wedding.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bristol jokes, gay marriage jokes, Gay Pride jokes, GOP jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Palin jokes, Pride jokes
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June 27, 2015
A crowd of over 70,000 turned up for the Grateful Dead concert tonight in Santa Clara, California, including many original “Deadhead” fans from the 60s, 70s and 80s, Hope these graying fans weren’t too disappointed when they finally hear how bad the band sounded without benefit of drugs.
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In Las Vegas this morning the longest odds on any baseball team winning today was for the Miami Marlins without Giancarlo Stanton against the Los Angeles Dodgers with Clayton Kershaw on the mound #thatswhytheyplaythegame. (final score, 3-2 Marlins)
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But really? One of the “top stories” headlines on USAToday.com today is “Stanton injury a crushing blow for fantasy owners.” As opposed to a blow to the Marlins, Marlins fans, or baseball fans in general who just like to watch a great player?
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Meanwhile, there needs to be a constitutional amendment banning the wave at A T and T Park. #sfgiants. #thehorror
A Kuwait Airlines plane from New York to Kuwait was forced to make an emergency landing at Heathrow this morning, allegedly because passengers on board had food poisoning. Surely this can’t be serious. It is serious, and don’t call me Shirley…..
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I wanted the Confederate flag down at the South Carolina statehouse as much as anyone. But removing Civil War games because they have images of the flag? Seems a bit too uncomfortably close to banning the “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” because of the language.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer is arguing that it would be “terribly embarrassing” for the comedian if documents from a 2005 sex-assault lawsuit were unsealed. And his point is?
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And of course Donald Trump had to weigh in on the SCOTUS gay marriage decision – “Once again the Bush appointed Supreme Court Justice John Roberts has let us down. Jeb pushed him hard! Remember!” Well, yeah, because the Donald believes in traditional marriage so much he’s had three of them.
(as a few friends pointed out… Roberts dissented. It’s this kind of attention to detail that should make Trump such a formidable candidate…. for comedy writers at least.)
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30 years later there’s going to be a “Top Gun 2,” with Tom Cruise reprising his role as “Maverick.” So now he’ll be “ridin’ into the danger zone” with his left blinker on.
Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance, Dakota Meyer, had a rhetorical post asking why with three deadly ISIS/ISIL terrorist attacks this week, people are so interested in a “dog and pony show” that is “inconsequential compared to that which is truly relevant.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Meyer, it may be precisely because the “real” news is so awful sometimes, that people are interested in something ridiculous, even if it isn’t amusing to the parties involved. And also in Bristol’s case, because we like seeing Karma in mean bitch mode.
From my SF Giants fan friend Mike Pettengill: “After 76 games:
Pablo Sandoval – 24R + 65H + 6HR + 24RBI + .270Avg + 10E = $17.6m
Matt Duffy – 27R + 63H + 7HR + 36RBI + .294Avg + 6E = $509,000”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Dodgers jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Top gun 2 jokes, Trump jokes
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June 25, 2015
Bristol Palin has just announced that she’s pregnant. Again. Did she sign up for a bulk rate on that “born-again-virginity” deal?
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Good news for #BristolPalin, as an unemployed single-mom-of-two, she’ll still be able to get insurance with #Obamacare.
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#BristolPalin, on 2nd out-of-wedlock pregnancy -“trying to keep [my] chin up on this one.” Uh, keeping her chin up is not the problem. More like legs crossed.
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So the Confederate flag is coming down across the country, and the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. Is this all just a conspiracy to give Rush Limbaugh a coronary?
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Judge Roberts, in his majority opinion upholding Obamacare did nonetheless chide that ACA is “inartful” and “does not reflect the type of care and deliberation that one might expect of such significant legislation. As my friend Sarah B. said, that’s a more elegant way of saying what he really meant – “PROOF READ YOUR SH*T BEFORE YOU SEND IT TO VOTE FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!
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Senator Obama voted against the confirmation of Justice John Roberts. Just wondering, has the President issued a private apology?
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Chris Christie will announce Tuesday that he is running for President. How long until the Highway Patrol pulls the clown car off the road for being dangerously overweight?
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A Mountain View, California man who lives near Google has an Airbnb listing for a Coleman tent in his backyard. For $46 a night, or $899 a month. And apparently he’s turning down business. In related news, local R.E.I. stores are reporting a rush on tent sales.
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R.I.P. Patrick Macnee, 93. He will forever be known, as “”that guy who was on the Avengers with the fabulous Diana Rigg.”
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As if we needed more proof that Duke’ Coach K is one of the smartest college coaches ever. Krzyzewski told ESPN that he follows “a lot of people on Twitter. under an alias. I tell my guys, ‘I’m following you.’ Then if I see something, you text them, you gotta watch…”
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Down in Tallahassee, freshman QB De’Andre Johnson has been suspended indefinitely from the football team for allegedly punching a female FSU student at a bar Wed. night when she cut in front of him while ordering drinks. “Indefinitely” meaning Coach Fisher will wait to see how Johnson does in practice before deciding whether to give him another chance?
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San Antonio Spurs continue the tradition of picking players who most Americans have never heard of, with names they can’t spell, from places they can’t find on the a map. And he’ll probably be a star. #NikolaMilutinov
(and follow the pick with a guy from Haiti.)
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From Bill Littlejohn “Report—there are 40 quarterbacks in the NFL that will make more than Russell Wilson this year.Not only that, but 5 QB’s in the SEC, as well.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ACA jokes, Airbnb jokes, Bristol Palin jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Janice Hough, NBA draft jokes, obamacare jokes, Palin jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 4, 2015
So if it’s a pack of wolves, a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking “an embarrassment of riches.”
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Okay, giving the Duggars every benefit of the doubt and then some…. As Jim Bob excuses his son by saying it was a (14-15 year old) “child preying on a child.” And “there were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.” Just trying to imagine their reaction if this “child” was a boy dating one of their “side-hug” only daughters.
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A lot of conservatives are having problems with this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. On one hand, they have issues with the idea of transgender people. On the other hand, the fact that Caitlyn will make more $$$ than Bruce ever did is ammunition for their belief that we don’t need laws requiring equal pay for women.
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Sarah Palin has weighed in and blamed the Duggar family uproar on the “liberal media.” So congrats to all those who had June 4 in the pool.
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The SF Giants went back to the White House Thursday to meet the President. Their first visit was in 2011. Wonder after that first meeting if the Giants or Obama were more surprised that the other was back there in 2015.
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Apparently Lincecum missed the SF Giants’ White House visit today because he had gone ahead to Philadelphia to get ready to face the Phillies tomorrow. What a shame, Timmy was the one Giant who could have done some serious lobbying with Obama for marijuana legalization. #letTimmysmoke
President Obama today as the SF Giants visited the White House for the third time in five years, “I mean, the truth is, it seems like if they get in, they’ll probably win it.” Clearly the same mantra dozens of candidates are using for the 2016 Presidential election.
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At this point wouldn’t it be simpler and faster for all Republicans who AREN’T running for President to announce it?
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Airline delay excuse of the day. On United a client reports lead flight attendant sliced his finger, had to get stitches so they had to get another attendant. Uh, wasn’t one of the points of TSA to take care of all the sharp objects?
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Rick Perry is running for President again. And he’s smarter this time, because he has glasses. No doubt he’ll tell us three, or at least two reasons why….
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John Bowlen, son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, was arrested last night on domestic violence charges, following on John Elway’s son Jack’s arrest for domestic violence last year. Sounds like these guys are trying a little too hard to act like they fit in with NFL players.
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The NCAA has charged UNC with five major violations connected to the school’s long-running academic fraud scandal. Now let’s see how they come up with “severe” punishments that don’t keep the men’s basketball team out of March Madness.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Duggars jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, primary jokes, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 23, 2015
Ireland is mostly a Catholic country. And the Irish Constitution contains this phrase: “We, the people of Éire, Humbly acknowledging all our obligations to our Divine Lord, Jesus Christ, Who sustained our fathers through centuries of trial.” And with over 62 % voting in favor of gay marriage, they’ve decided Jesus was indeed a tolerant guy. #Fabulous
Patriots fans are planning a “Free Tom Brady” rally tomorrow from 11a to1p at Gillette Stadium. It’s described on FB as “a peaceful rally to protest the unjust football arrest of half God half man Tom Brady.” Wow. There must really not be much to do in Foxborough on Memorial Day weekend.
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So on what would have been Bristol’s wedding day, the Palins and her ex-fiance’s family said they are still gathering for a barbecue at the Meyer’s farm in Kentucky. “‘On the year anniversary of our families meeting each other, this weekend is to appreciate both our families’ unconventional, unexpected chapters in exciting lives, with pages turning to more opportunities to live life vibrantly.” Possible translation – both families are thinking “We dodged a bullet.”
(Either that or no one wants to waste food when it’s too late to cancel the caterer?)
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As a make-up doubleheader at Coors Field between Colorado and San Francisco had the first game delayed over two hours and the second game delayed and almost rained out, MLB has to be thinking what a good thing it is that the Rockies are almost never season contenders. Add fall and real snow potential and it might take a month to play the World Series.
Unlikely sporting event: The Houston Rockets making it to the NBA Western Conference Finals. Even more unlikely sporting event: Houston fans saying “It’s okay when we lose, we still have the Astros.”
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The minor-league Florida Stone Crabs planned “A-Rod Juice Box Night” tonight, where the first 500 fans got a free juice box, and any fans bringing A-Rod T-shirts, hats or other merchandise to be donated to the Salvation Army could get a free ticket. Alas it was cancelled after protests from the Yankees, whose spokesman said “We have taken many steps in last few hours to get them to cease and desist.” No doubt many many $tep$.
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Atlanta’s Kent Bazemore, whose Hawks team is down 2-0 to the Cleveland Cavaliers – “I still think we’re the better team.” Thinking there were a lot of teams who were “better” than the SF Giants last year too.
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In Cleveland, a white police officer was acquitted of manslaughter in a 2012 case where two unarmed black suspects whose car backfired while speeding past police headquarters were fatally shot in a 137-shot barrage. Because 140 or 150 shots would have been excessive force?
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This would be funny if it weren’t so awful. An Arkansas state judge told police on Thursday to destroy the 2006 offense report on Josh Duggar. Mike Huckabee, who is publicly defending the family says the “victims wanted this left in the past,” so the destruction was “not to protect Josh, but the innocent victims.” #JesusREALLYwept
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Coors field jokes, Duggar jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Palin jokes
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May 16, 2015
So all it really took for #SFGiants bats to heat up in Cincinnati is for the ballpark to catch fire?
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As we approach the 2016 election many Americans are supporting Jeb hoping he won’t repeat his brother’s presidency.. Or supporting Hillary hoping she will repeat her husband’s. #Itsallrelative
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
As a regular driver on the bus to hell, still have to wonder, what if we could have only sent critically injured and now convicted Boston bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s to a random HMO hospital, maybe we wouldn’t be facing the current death penalty controversy?
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I understand that vigilante justice is a bad idea, and I understand that jury trials are a right. But how many millions of dollars did we spend saving the life of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and on his trial, and how many more millions will be spent on the death penalty appeals.?
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A new study sponsored by Microsoft found that humans now have shorter attention spans than goldfish. Oh look, a kitten….
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Fox News guest Gavin Mcinnes: “The big picture here is, women do earn less in America because they choose to… They’re less ambitious, and I think this is sort of God’s way, this is nature’s way of saying women should be at home with the kids — they’re happier there.” So which GOP Presidential candidate will hire McInnes first as a cultural adviser?
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So apparently Dakota Meyer, Bristol Palin’s fiance, married another woman in 2008. No word on when they split up. But just wondering, would Sarah and others in the GOP support a religious bakery owner’s right not to make a cake for a divorced man?
So now there are rumors, rumors only, that Bristol Palin’s fiance may STILL be married to another woman. As someone who tries to be a decent human being, I hope the rumors are wrong. As a bus to hell comedy writer….
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Hoping for #PaulPierce‘s sake that during last brilliant 3-point shot attempt he didn’t pause for a split second to call “game.” #ATLvsWAS
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So the Stanford Band has been banned from 2015 road trips, for off-field infractions including “an annual trip in which some band members used illegal substances.” Am sure it’s just coincidence that this year’s Cardinal away games include visits to Colorado and Washington State.
So some outrage over ABC’s George Stephanopoulos having contributed to the Clinton Foundation. Guess I missed the outrage from the same folks over Fox News’ Rupert Murdoch’s and Roger Ailes’s donations?
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, bus to hell jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
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March 14, 2015
In India, a bride left her husband to be at the altar after testing him on his math skills. She asked “How much is 15 plus six?” He answered, 17. Just guessing that’s not going to be part of Bristol Palin’s wedding ceremony.
Since their performances in Chicago on July 4 weekend sold out so quickly, the surviving members of the Grateful Dead are reportedly thinking about adding shows at Levi’s Stadium or AT&T Park. Now, I know a lot of Deadheads are in the SF Bay Area. But really, for real authenticity, shouldn’t the band now consider a show in Colorado?
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Vladimir Putin has not been seen in public for over a week. Yesterday Swiss paper Bilk reported that the Russian leader, 62, was in Switzerland with his rumored girlfriend, Alina Kabayeva, 31, a former gold-medal gymnast, for the birth of their daughter. Hmm. wonder if Putin will return saying he was hiking the Alpine trail.
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RIP Al Rosen, 91.. Seems sadly fitting that he and Candlestick Park would not outlive each other. #Yougottalikethiskids #SFGiants
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Who says geeks have no sense of humor? MIT issued its admissions decisions Saturday night at 9:26pm #PiDay
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Amazing some of the “stupid-is-a-virtue” types in this country weren’t screaming about “Happy Pi Day” being elitist. But to be fair, they probably thought it only refers to dessert.
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Groupon is selling tickets to see Chicago and Earth, Wind & Fire this July. Is this a good idea now? The bands’ targeted demographic may not be able to remember anything they book that far ahead.
The Toronto Raptors just ended a 16-game losing streak tonight against the Miami Heat. And the Philadelphia 76ers sniffed “amateurs!”
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The San Jose Sharks may not make the playoffs, but they’re making headlines. On Thursday, GM Doug Wilson told a group of season holders that the team took the captain’s “C” from Joe Thornton because the pressure and stress were getting to him. And on Friday, Thornton told the Mercury News, Doug “just needs to stop lying, shut his mouth.” Who do the Sharks think they are? The 49ers?
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Jeb Bush refused to say whether he would have signed the letter the 47 Senators wrote to Iran, saying they did it out of “frustration” and “that I do think that we need to get back to a bipartisan consensus on foreign policy.” Translation, I want to be President and I don’t want the Democrats doing the same thing to me.
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As Americans prepare for selection Sunday, perhaps a way we could get people to focus on their vote for 2016 is to start a Presidential Bracket. 64 picks, presumably with Bush and Clinton as one seeds, maybe Walker and Warren next. Plenty of trendy picks like Christie, Paul, etc. And enough potential Cinderellas to fill out the rest. (Not like say, Harvard, has any more chance than some political unknowns.)
Then simply say the brackets could not be used for real betting purposes and let the fun begin.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bush jokes, grateful, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Palin jokes, pi day jokes, Putin jokes, Sharks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 5, 2015
Maybe we should cut Brian Williams some slack. After all, he still may be dealing with PTSD from his near drowning as a young man on the Titanic.
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Anyone but me want to see #LanceArmstrong vs. #BrianWilliams in a rousing game of Liar’s Dice?
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Putting their names to paper on signing day is a big deal for top high school football recruits. For many of them it is the only time in their college careers they will actually have to write.
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Kyle Kendrick just signed a $5.5 million contract with the Rockies. Last year he had a 10-13 record with a 4.61 ERA with the Phillies. Well, guess Colorado figures Kendrick will perform better in a pitcher’s park?
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Tiger Woods has withdrawn from the PGA Tour’s Farmers Insurance Open, leaving midway through the first round with a back injury. So over at ESPN, they no longer have to worry this weekend about covering golf.
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Sarah Palin has apparently accepted an invitation to appear on “Saturday Night Live”‘s 40th anniversary special Feb 16.. Well, kudos to Sarah for being a good sport. But wonder if she or SNL are trying harder to prove they are still relevant?
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So many critics of Obamacare worried about government involvement in healthcare resulting in serious privacy breaches. This Anthem story is probably not what they mean when they said the private sector could do it better.
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In Seattle, a medical marijuana dispensary has opened a vending machine. Wonder if buyer can get their Doritos from the same machine?
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Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy and said they will sell stores. Many Americans under 40 are thinking “What’s Radio Shack?” Still younger Americans are thinking “What’s a Radio?”
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So court papers say Conrad Hilton Jr. did not call British Airways flight attendants “f***ing peasants.” That’s what he called the other passengers. But he did accuse the attendants of “taking the peasants’ side” and bragged that he was already banned by other airlines. Well, whatever happens in the trial I think this young man can add another airline to that list.
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During a House Rules Committee argument Monday, Congressman Alcee Hastings referred to Texas as a “crazy state.” Well, Hastings should know. He’s from Florida.
New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says that reinstating Pete Rose is a “conversation I’m willing to have.” This after Bud Selig had said Pete would only get back into a big-league ballpark “over my dead body.” So does this mean Selig has some terminal illness?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anthem jokes, Brian Williams jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Radio Shack jokes, signing day jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
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January 24, 2015
A new poll found that 1 in 4 U.S. citizens believe God plays a role in determining which team wins sports contests. The rest of us know it’s down to lucky charms, clothes, voodoo, etc.
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Fed Ex announced they have delivered the Super Bowl Lombardi trophy to Arizona, where it is now on display. If the Patriots win will they put a little dent in the football?
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The NFL has apparently warned that if Marshawn Lynch grabs his crotch again for a touchdown celebration, Seattle will be fined 15 yards. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ask the Patriots to over-inflate the Seahawks’ footballs?
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Well, at least Brandon Bostick has to be happy no one is talking anymore about his muffed catch of the #Seahawks onside kick.
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Although just think, had the Seahawks kicked one of those Patriot balls, Bostick might have had an easier time catching it.
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And if some ways really don’t get why Deflategate is still a story. Shouldn’t the Patriots have found some lowly equipment staffer willing to fall on his sword, or rather ball, and accept responsibility by now? Or are they still working out the details of the “retirement” payout?
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Northern California’s Serra High School has been banned from post-season football for two years. Because their coach announced to their opponent, at noon on the day of a December playoff consolation game, that they were forfeiting and would not play, because he “couldn’t justify a single injured player.” So in other words, risks are fine if it’s about winning. But if the game doesn’t lead to a potential championship, there’s no point.
And this is the high school where Tom Brady played football. #lessonlearned
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Lindsay Lohan is facing jail because she is behind on her community service. But the actress is claiming she hasn’t been able to put in the hours due to a virus she contracted while vacationing in Bora Bora. Wouldn’t it have been easier to claim measles from Disneyland?
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The University of Alabama has announced that Lane Kiffin will be staying as offensive coordinator. Translation, either the SF 49ers wised up. Or didn’t offer Kiffin enough money.
Big sports news across the pond in England. BBC calling it maybe the biggest FA Cup shocker ever – Bradford City comes back from 2-0 down to beat Chelsea 4-2. And in the US people are going, “who’s Bradford, who’s Chelsea, and what the heck is the FA Cup?”
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Great oldie but goodie line on a San Francisco bar coaster. “The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.” #notamorningperson
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Sarah Palin now says she is “seriously interested” in running for President in 2016. This might be the first time Palin and “serious” have been used in the same sentence.
Ted Cruz today in Iowa. “There are 110,000 employees at the IRS. We need to padlock that building and put every one of those 110,000 on our southern border.’ What’s more ludicrous? The idea of putting all Americans on the honor system for taxes? Or putting 110,000 accountant types with guns on the Mexican border?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Deflate-gate jokes, Deflategate, Disneyland jokes, FA Cup jokes, jancie hough, measles jokes, Palin jokes, Patriots jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
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January 4, 2015
Sarah Palin, in response to criticism over her posting a picture of her six year-old son using the family Labrador retriever as a step-stool. “”Chill, At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.” Didn’t realize that was an option.
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Kobe Bryant said that he thinks European basketball players “are just way more skillful, They are just taught the game the right way at an early age. ..We really have to address that. We have to teach our kids to play the right way.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were an option for players in the U.S like some years of college..
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In Arkansas, a group known as the Knights, formerly “the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan”, bought a billboard promoting “whiteprideradio.com.” What, they were upset about Florida getting all the headlines?
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Not a big Ravens fan, but having a very hard time seeing how any woman can root for Ben Rothlisberger. Or any man with daughters.#BALvsPIT
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The Ravens did survive a 12 men on the field penalty during a Steelers field goal attempt. And they made the mistake another time that the officials didn’t catch. Who says football players don’t need to take math classes?
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Meanwhile, nomination for NFL Understatement of the year?. Cam Newton, on the Panthers’ win “It wasn’t pretty at times.”
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Only thing worse than the Panthers and Cardinals teams’ play in their NFL playoff game were all the ambulance-chasing lawyers ads during breaks.
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Happiest people not in Charlotte watching Cardinals-Panthers game had to be the Seahawks and Packers. both praying they get to play the winner.
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That Georgia police chief is now saying he shot his wife in his sleep. And Oscar Pistorius is going “Why didn’t I think of that?”
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Mike Huckabee is leaving Fox News while he decides whether or not to run for President again. But viewers can look forward to his return, as soon as the former Arkansas governor is eliminated in the primaries.
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Some grumbling over President Obama having a couple expensive dinners in Hawaii, one at a private club and another at NOBU. Of course, had the Obamas gone to a reasonably priced restaurant or a casual chain the same folks would have complained about him ruining dinner plans for average Americans.
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From T.C. The SEC announces its two newest schools. SEC West welcomes Oregon and SEC East Ohio St.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Big Ben jokes, Cardinals jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NFL playoff jokes, NFL wildcard jokes, Palin jokes, Panthers jokes, Ravens jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 4, 2014
100 brains were missing from the University of Texas. Does this even need a punchline?
The Philadelphia 76ers actually won a game tonight, making them 1-17. If they keep improving, the team might have a chance of being favored against Kentucky.
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A Hawaii football announcer has apologized for referring to Fresno as the “armpit of America.” As well he should have. Everyone knows that’s New Jersey.
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#Stayclassy Sarah Palin posted a picture on her FB page this weekend of President Obama captioned “I am signing a new executive order replacing the world ‘looting’ with ‘undocumented shopping.'”
Of course, Palin believes rioting should be confined to important things, like her family attending birthday parties.
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UAB says they are shutting down their football program for “the greater good.” And Raiders fans are thinking “You can do that?”
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In California, it’s amazing how short the distance is between “We need month-long storms to get us out of this drought” and “Will this rain ever stop?”
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Gloria Allred has a press conference Wednesday with three women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. So congratulations to everyone who had December 3 in the pool.
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The FSU student conduct code hearing over sexual assault allegations against Jameis Winston ended today without the QB testifying. A decision is expected in 2-3 weeks. Or more likely the day after the Seminoles’ last playoff game.
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Several baggage handlers at JFK Airport have been charged with stealing jewelry and electronic items from checked bags over the past two years. Including Apple iPhones, laptops, and a 2 carat pair of diamond earrings. Glad they caught them, but who put iPhones, laptops and diamond earrings in their checked luggage?
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Ted Cruz wants to shut down the U.S. Government on Dec 11 over President Obama’s actions on immigration. Giving Mitch McConnell and John Boehner just a bit of a glimpse of 2015 when it’s their circus and their monkeys.
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The Chicago Blackhawks’ goalie Corey Crawford will miss at least two to three weeks because he said he fell at a concert. In related news the SF Giants have forbidden Jeremy Affeldt from going to concerts.
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So much for all those who said that video of what happened between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown would have made a difference. #StatenIsland #EricGarner
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Late night thoughts on Staten Island. Look, I understand some people use any excuse for a riot and looting – including a sports win or loss. I also understand that some people on both sides like to overly politicize a single event. But does ANYONE doubt that if those cops had put a choke hold on some preppy white smart-ass asthmatic kid selling cigarettes or joints, and he had died, that the cops would have been indicted, or in jail, by now?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 76ers jokes, FSU jokes, Gloria Allred jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Texas jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 