Posted tagged ‘gary johnson jokes’

The more things change…

October 1, 2016

Seems like old times – #RyanVogelsong starting tomorrow against #Cardinals tomorrow and a win puts the #SFGiants in playoffs..

 

As expected, #TyBlach vs #ClaytonKershaw was no contest, really. #SFGiants #Dodgers

One thing you can say about #TyBlach, he’s no #SalomonTorres. #SFGiants

 

Heaven knows the SF Giants have had some horrible losses this year. But when the playoffs are on the line & you lose to the Braves and the As, well, then maybe you really shouldn’t be in the postseason. #Tigers #Mariners

By my count, #SFGiants pitchers have 48 hits & 33 RBI’s this year. #WedontneednostinkinDH #PitchersWhoRake

 

Alabama coach Nick Saban says of star LB Tim Williams, arrested this week on gun charges, that he will face “internal” discipline, which will not involve a loss of playing time. So what will Williams have to do – go to a class? #suspensionsareforbenchplayers

Tomorrow morning’s game – try to tell the difference between whatever lines are uttered by Alec Baldwin tonight on SNL pretending to be Trump. and lines from the real Donald.

Trump tweeted last night “For those few people knocking me for tweeting at three o’clock in the morning, at least you know I will be there, awake, to answer the call!”
True, but maybe we don’t want the call answered by someone in the midst of the Twitter equivalent of drunk-dialing?.

Flipping through Glamour magazine at the nail salon I saw some interviews with women saying who they were voting for and why. About 2/3 were for Clinton, but one Trump gal starts out her statement “When I was little I was for Hillary….” She is 18 years old.

The Seahawks’ Doug Baldwin, a Stanford graduate whose father is a police officer, says he has received death threats because he called for law enforcement “to eliminate militaristic cultures while putting a higher emphasis on de-escalation tactics and crisis management measures.”
Got to wonder if some of the threats are from people who couldn’t even translate what he said.

 

Friday’s top quote: I’m “not sure anybody is more qualified than Hillary Clinton to be president of the United States.” The speaker, Bill Weld – former governor of Massachusetts and Gary Johnson’s running mate.

So by comparison was Leona Helmsley one of the “little people” who paid taxes?

#LastTimeTrumpPaidTaxes #HillaryClinton was just signing up for a newfangled AOL email account.

Jacob Hall, the 6 year-old boy shot at his South Carolina elementary school this week has died. His alleged 14-year old killer had been home-schooled since he was been expelled for bringing a gun to class. So are we going to build walls around schools or make sure all children are armed?

 

From Marc Ragovin.  “no bigger joke than the way mlb handled the end of thursday’s Cards/Reds game.”

(for anyone who didn’t watch or didn’t read about it later, the umpires somehow missed the fact that a ball bounced out of play over the fence and then bounced back, which was a ground rule double, and not a ball that would have let the Cardinals runner score from first.)

 

From Neal , post Friday night.  “Tonight’s #SFGiants game & his body slam of a fan running on the field, free agent #AngelPagan may be offered a contract by the #SF49ers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Don’t wait until next year.

September 29, 2016

In New York tonight before the game with the Red Sox the Yankees announced that they “would like to put the rivalry aside for a few minutes and honor David Ortiz.”   A nice gesture, even if what they are really honoring is Big Papi’s decision to retire.

Forget Tim Tebow, the guy who may have a real future in baseball is John Kilichowski. a minor league pitcher from Vanderbilt who gave up Tebow’s first AB home run – this was his tweet: “I thought we agreed you were taking first pitch @TimTebow”

Knott’s Berry Farm and California’s Great America pulled the plug on their new FearVR experience. The attraction had people wear virtual reality googles that made them feel like they were in a mental hospital along with a dangerous fellow patient.
The real question – who thought this was a good idea???

Alabama senior LB Tim Williams, a top draft prospect who has started every game, was arrested this morning for allegedly carrying a pistol without a permit. What a shame this didn’t happen last week, so Nick Saban could have suspended Williams for the first half of the Kent State game.

USA Today has never endorsed a candidate for President in their history. Today they wrote an editorial “Don’t vote for Trump.”  So let’s see, the Donald will be revoking their press credentials for his events in 3.2.1….

 

 

So is #GaryJohnson trying to prove he’s the reincarnation of Admiral Stockdale running for President?

At the University of Missouri, the Delta Upsilon frat has been suspended after individuals inside their house were allegedly shouting out the windows at members of the Legion of Black Collegians” with taunts, obscenities and racial slurs.
Once again, in the U.S. people are free to think bigoted thoughts, but how could they be so clueless these days to think publicizing it was a good idea. #educationmightfixsomeprejudices but #cantfixstupid

 

Clearly election is over w/ news that Bill & Hillary after they left the White House spent money to set up illegal business in #Cuba. Oh wait, never mind.

Sad story from New Jersey with the train crash. Officials say “after an initial evaluation of the scene, it appears that the event may have been accidental and not related to terrorism.”
Reminding us again, that as much as we fear terrorists sometimes, our real risks are more often mundane things like infrastructure failure and human error.

Hillary Clinton tweeted out a sympathy message to those affected by the New Jersey train crash this morning, Donald Trump followed about an hour later. Was that how long it took for him to decide it wasn’t terrorism

Last night in Iowa, Donald Trump “Raise your hand if you’re not a Christian conservative. I want to see this, right? Oh there’s a a couple people, that’s all right. I think we’ll keep them, right? Should we keep them in the room, yes? I think so.”
New hashtag #ifyouarenotscaredyouarenotpayingattention

Rumors are that #DonaldTrump might ask #ChrisChristie to help him before the 2nd debate. So are there bridges to be closed in St. Louis?

 

Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway complained to Megyn Kelly that Hillary Clinton was targeting Trump with negative ads and using comments he made about women ‘25 years ago’.
But of course it’s perfectly acceptable for Trump to talk about Bill Clinton’s behavior with women 25-35 years ago.

 

Alex Kaseberg, after New Englands QB Tom Brady was spotted sunbathing nude in Italy with Giselle while serving his Deflategate suspension: “In a related story, players all over the league began deflating footballs.”

 

 

From T.C.  “The Donald says that he won the debate on Monday night. That coincides with the Falcons and Saints claiming that “Defense” was the difference on their football game.”

A plague on both your houses?

September 28, 2016

Colin Kaepernick after Monday’s Presidential debate said “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist.”
Well, suppose it’s a good thing there’s no chance the SF 49ers will be making a White House visit any time soon.

 

Could someone inform the #SFGiants that if you score 12 runs in 2 games it’s not a bad idea to split them up?

Matt Duffy apparently stopped by the #SFGiants clubhouse today. Could he lend the team #Skeeter?

Interesting point on bullpens in the postseason made by Tom Verducci in SI.com today – the percentage games won by relief pitchers in the regular season and then in post season: 1965-68 – 26.8% and 8%. 1995-98 – 30.0% and 35.4%. 2012-2015 – 30.4% and 41.3%.
Of course Madbum in 2014 was both a starter AND a reliever. #SFGiants

Arguing that being banned from baseball didn’t mean its Hall of Fame, Pete Rose apparently has made a direct appeal to the Hall to restore his eligibility. Wonder what his odds are?

A fan who proposed to his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium during a Red Sox Yankees game had to hunt in the seats for the ring which he dropped as he dropped to a knee. Fortunately the ring was found and she said yes. Did the happy couple get an autographed ball from Starlin Castro?

(for those going, huh?, Castro is not known for his defense.)

If @realDonaldTrump bails on the next two debates will @HillaryClinton try to borrow Clint Eastwood’s chair?

Some say that @realDonaldTrump will learn from his mistakes in 1st debate. That assumes that Trump actually ever thinks he makes mistakes.

Now Donald Trump, Jr. is praising his father’s “courage” for not mentioning Bill Clinton’s cheating on Monday night “out of respect for Chelsea.”
Right, so anyone want to start a pool on how many times the thrice-married Trump and his family will congratulate themselves for not mentioning infidelity?

 

Gary Johnson was asked today to name his favorite foreign leader, and he couldn’t do it, finally admitting “I’m having a brain freeze.” So what’s Johnson’s plan after the election, running for Governor of Texas?

It’s too easy as a U.S.woman to criticize Gary Johnson for not being able to name his favorite foreign leader  Justin Trudeau.  Next question?

So with Arizona Republic, the Dallas Morning News and the CIncinnati Enquirer breaking with long tradition and joining more liberal papers to endorse a Democrat for President, wonder if Trump’s plan if elected will be to eliminate all press credentials.

God squad?

September 8, 2016

The New York Mets actually have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Is it for his baseball ability? Or are they hoping to get God on their side for a potential playoff run?

 

 

What’s all the #CARvsDEN stress, unlike in college football the first game doesn’t really matter as to making the playoffs.

 

CEO Jed York, said today that the SF 49ers will give $1 million to two local groups to “help bridge the gap and create better collaboration between law enforcement and local communities.”
So who knew, maybe Colin Kaepernick could actually lead the team after all?

 

Ray Lewis, going after Colin Kaepenick on his protest. “I think Colin just needs to step back.” Although some might say if Ray had just stepped back in 2000, maybe Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar might be alive today.

So maybe Matt Lauer’s real goal is to become the first anchor on the Trump News Network?

 

If #MattLauer asks #TimTebow about #Aleppo it could break the internet.

Somewhere #SarahPalin is really upset she got interviewed by #KatieCouric instead of #MattLauer #LaueringTheBar

Embarrassing interview for Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson.  But what are the odds that Donald Trump knows what Aleppo is either?

So does #GaryJohnson‘s interview last night make him wish he had chosen #AdmiralStockdale as a running mate? #Aleppo

A CNN report says an NBC executive “speaking anonymously” said the “Commander-in-chief” forum was a “disaster.” Wow. Usually disasters at NBC are with their prime-time fall lineup.

Trump supporters are calling for a boycott of Starbucks after CEO Howard Schultz endorsed Hillary and slammed the Donald’s “vitriolic display of bigotry and hate and divisiveness.”
Well, it’s a free country, but weren’t many Trump supporters already boycotting Starbucks over things like LGBT rights? – or as my friend Erin says, the Christmas cups?

Wells Fargo fired approx 5,300 employees for allegedly opening up additional accounts without their customers’ permission. Uh, over 5,000 people isn’t rogue employees, that’s company practice.

Trump said last night that he was “pretty good with the body language,” in his supposedly top-secret intelligence briefing and “what I did learn is that our leadership, Barack Obama, did not follow what our experts, and our — truly, when they call it intelligence, it’s there for a reason — what our experts said to do,”
Uh, and we’re worried about Hillary’s email server compromising secrets and national security? #WTF?

 

Trump last night praised Vladimir Putin and talked of the Russan President’s “82 percent approval rating.” Well, by that token the Donald should be a really big fan of Kim Jong Un -whose approval rating is about 100%. Of living North Koreans polled.