Posted tagged ‘janice hough jokes’

One and done.

October 4, 2016

Whatever happens in NL Wild Card game, unlike Buck Showalter, Bruce Bochy won’t face questions about not using his superstar reliever; SF Giants don’t have one

In WS game 7, #Bochy used his best starter to relieve for 5 innings, in do-or-die WC game #Showalter didn’t use best reliever for 1.

Somewhere #JoeCarter is smiling #ALWildCard #BlueJays

Open note to @orioles fans. Watching a reliever in orange & black give up game-winning homer, we #SFGiants fans feel your pain. #ALWildcard

Fans in Canada watching tonight’s AL Wild Card game had to be almost as happy as Canadians enjoying watching the U.S. Election. #notourproblem

Kaine-Pence VP debate tonight “I’ll take two men who most Americans had never heard of and wouldn’t recognize on the street for $500, Alex.”

Well, the VP candidates did accomplish one thing jointly -finishing up in time for us to see the end of #ALWildCard #VPDebate

“A knockout blow in VP debate can make a major difference in the Presidential election” Former Vice President Lloyd Bentsen. #VPdebate

One sure thing about tonight’s debate, if #MIkePence & #TimKaine were their party’s nominees, many comedy writers would be out of business.

Who but me was waiting for #ElaineQuijano to go all Sister Mary Elephant in this debate? “Class. Class Class….” #VPDebate

Has anyone checked Mike Pence’s hearing lately? He clearly hasn’t heard a word his running mate has said. #VPDebate

Trump supporters are furious that Julian Assange didn’t release information today to damage Hillary Clinton’s campaign. So they were hoping that for a few days Wikileaks could offset Trump’s 3:00am tweets?

Mike Pence sounded tonight like he’s been  paying as much attention to what Trump says you’d think Pence might be married to him.

Pence just said of 16 million deportation plan, “that’s nonsense.” Yep, it is, & it was when your running mate @realDonaldTrump said it.

Mike Pence “A society can be judged by how it deals with its most vulnerable.” Unless they are undocumented immigrants, women with unwanted pregnancies  or LGBTs.

Pence talked about the sanctity of life. So if you’re absolutely pro-life how are you also pro-death penalty? #VPDebate

“He’s not a polished politician” Is that #MikePence‘s Trump “Get out of jail free” card? #VPDebate

Odell Beckham Jr , complaining about being targeted by the league, “I just gotta know that it’s all against me.” Of course it might help if the Giants’ WR didn’t spend so much time and effort painting the bulls eye on his own back.

While campaigning for Hillary, Bill Clinton referred to Obamacare as the “the craziest thing in the world.” So for all those comedy writers fearing that the end of the Trump campaign in November could mean a dearth of material, remember, Bill could be the gift that keeps on giving.

So Americans who have quit following the election because it was all too over the top and absurd can now focus on more important things, like what Kim Kardashian was doing in Paris with $10 million in jewelry and minimal security.

So since Kanye West is a self-proclaimed “genius” I presume he and Kim will be writing at least $10 million in losses off their future taxes?

And back to sports with Bill Littlejohn, on Peyton Manning tobogganing down The Great Wall of China: “Are they opening a new Papa John’s in Inner Mongolia?”


A plague on both your houses?

September 28, 2016

Colin Kaepernick after Monday’s Presidential debate said “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist.”
Well, suppose it’s a good thing there’s no chance the SF 49ers will be making a White House visit any time soon.


Could someone inform the #SFGiants that if you score 12 runs in 2 games it’s not a bad idea to split them up?

Matt Duffy apparently stopped by the #SFGiants clubhouse today. Could he lend the team #Skeeter?

Interesting point on bullpens in the postseason made by Tom Verducci in today – the percentage games won by relief pitchers in the regular season and then in post season: 1965-68 – 26.8% and 8%. 1995-98 – 30.0% and 35.4%. 2012-2015 – 30.4% and 41.3%.
Of course Madbum in 2014 was both a starter AND a reliever. #SFGiants

Arguing that being banned from baseball didn’t mean its Hall of Fame, Pete Rose apparently has made a direct appeal to the Hall to restore his eligibility. Wonder what his odds are?

A fan who proposed to his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium during a Red Sox Yankees game had to hunt in the seats for the ring which he dropped as he dropped to a knee. Fortunately the ring was found and she said yes. Did the happy couple get an autographed ball from Starlin Castro?

(for those going, huh?, Castro is not known for his defense.)

If @realDonaldTrump bails on the next two debates will @HillaryClinton try to borrow Clint Eastwood’s chair?

Some say that @realDonaldTrump will learn from his mistakes in 1st debate. That assumes that Trump actually ever thinks he makes mistakes.

Now Donald Trump, Jr. is praising his father’s “courage” for not mentioning Bill Clinton’s cheating on Monday night “out of respect for Chelsea.”
Right, so anyone want to start a pool on how many times the thrice-married Trump and his family will congratulate themselves for not mentioning infidelity?


Gary Johnson was asked today to name his favorite foreign leader, and he couldn’t do it, finally admitting “I’m having a brain freeze.” So what’s Johnson’s plan after the election, running for Governor of Texas?

It’s too easy as a U.S.woman to criticize Gary Johnson for not being able to name his favorite foreign leader  Justin Trudeau.  Next question?

So with Arizona Republic, the Dallas Morning News and the CIncinnati Enquirer breaking with long tradition and joining more liberal papers to endorse a Democrat for President, wonder if Trump’s plan if elected will be to eliminate all press credentials.

Those were the days…..

April 26, 2014

This morning the NBA has to be longing for the days when their most embarrassing owner was Mark Cuban.


How quickly things change. Yesterday the most embarrassing thing about NBA basketball in Los Angeles was the Lakers.

If Donald Sterling gets suspended as an NBA owner will Clive Bundy offer him a job as a ranch hand?

Was actually in New York tonight and lucky enough to have seen Denzel Washington live.  Suppose I can thank Sterling for reminding us that “Raisin in the Sun” isn’t a dated play.



George Clooney, 52, is engaged to his latest girlfriend, a 36 year old lawyer. Not sure if the marriage will work, but her pre-nup sure should.

One difference between men and women.  When most women heard that Clooney was engaged, their reaction was “okay, we can stop dreaming now.”  If someone like – fill in the blank – Olivia Wilde, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Beyonce, – gets engaged, the reaction is “well, she just hadn’t met me yet.”

Taco Bell is planning to open a new chain called U.S. Taco Co, with a more upscale menu – for example, the “Brotherly Love”, a tortilla stuffed with Philly cheese steak, or the “Winner Winner”, with crispy Southern fried chicken and gravy. Sounds like the price of gas is going up.

Re pine tar. If “everyone does it” and it’s “really for the safety of the batter,” then maybe MLB should legalize the stuff. Or make the rule like it is about pitchers’ jewelry. Only legal if it’s not visible enough to distract the batter.

The SF GIants and Cleveland Indians met today in a 1954 World Series rematch.   Until 2010, the Giants hadn’t won since 1954, and the Indians haven’t won since 1948.   Both amateurs on a 1 to Cubs pain scale.



Bizarre early season stat. Michael Morse has six home runs in April. All the SF Giants’ left fielders together last year total hit five.


Explained to a 20 something today why New York has a 212 area code. (It was the fastest to dial on a rotary dial phone.). Wonder how long it will be before 20 somethings won’t have even heard of a rotary dial phone?


Hundreds of “E.T’ Atari video games, which had been considered perhaps the worst video game ever made, were found in New Mexico landfill. So before “Breaking Bad” there was ‘Burying Bad?”


Thanks to Gregg Drinnan for this gem  “During a news conference to introduce Donnie Tyndall as the head coach of the U of Tennessee’s men’s basketball team, it was pointed out to him that he wasn’t the first choice. Tyndall pointed to his fiancee, who was in attendance, and offered: “Look at her and look at me. I probably wasn’t her first choice either.”



High holy day.

April 19, 2014

This year Easter falls on 4 20, the national pot holiday. So hide those chocolate bunnies.

If Sunday is all about resurrection maybe Christians should add a few prayers for the #SFGiants offense?

At some point it’s not the opposing pitcher shutting you down with great stuff: #SFGiants hitting becoming oxymoron.

In New Jersey, a woman is suing the Department of Motor Vehicles for rejecting her request for a vanity license plate reading “8THEIST.” Where are the small government folks lining up to defend her right to free speech on this one?

Anyone who thinks baseball players aren’t tough, I give you the Reds’ Aroldis, cleared to throw BP exactly a month after he was hit in the face by one of his 100pm fastballs lined back at him in spring training.

The Philadelphia 76ers ended up 19-63, and but they hold two lottery picks. So their owner said yesterday “I think the season has been a huge success for us.” And for any team lucky enough to have the Sixers on the schedule.


A whole new phenomenon in baseball, the manager coming out to chat with the umpire, seeing the thumbs down from the bench coach who’s talking to the replay coach, and walking back to the dugout. So while waiting do they talk about restaurants?

The A’s Jed Lowrie angered the Houston Astros Friday night when he tried to bunt against the shift in the first inning with Oakland up 7-0. But hey, it’s the Astros. Is it unfair to bunt against them with any lead at all?

Both Alabama QB’s struggled in their Spring game. Meaning Nick Saban will be looking for more anti-offense college football rule changes in the name of “safety.”

Macy’s CEO just spoke out against raising the minimum wage. What, if the store has to pay more they’ll only be able to have “One Day Sales” every other day?

The Columbus Blue Jackets had their first playoff win ever Saturday night. And two questions from most Americans. 1. Columbus has a pro team? 2. What sport?

CNN headline on MH370, the search is at a “critical juncture.” Presumably because the searchers are running out of ideas, and CNN is running out of adjectives?

Fox News has fired an executive who used her company e-mail account for a charity drive for relatives of MH370’s passengers. Guess she should have known better. Had the woman simply used her business email to attack Obama she would have been fine.

Seasoned greetings.

December 26, 2013

Conservative GOP Rep. Steve King of Iowa tweeted from Oslo that he was enjoying a Christmas meal that included reindeer. And Republicans claim that liberals are the ones with the War on Christmas?

Three men were were killed and two others injured in a Christmas Eve shooting in a N.J. strip club. Have to wonder if the two injured men wished they were dead rather than having to explain to their wives what they were doing in a strip club on Christmas Eve.

Got to be a major bummer for some of those people whose gifts didn’t arrive on time from UPS, especially when those gifts were intended for children. But maybe a couple lessons for future. 1. Shop early. Not like Christmas sneaked up on anyone as far as the date. 2. Shop local!

Jon Kitna, 41, and now a math teacher, says he will donate the $53,000 he gets for Sunday’s game to his high school now that he has officially signed with the Cowboys after passing his physical. Pretty impressive. Many current and former NFL players couldn’t even pass math.


Delta Airlines said they will honor some ridiculously low fares they posted by mistake on their website, fares that were in the $50 range cross country. Off course anyone traveling on such a fare will have nominal charges of $300 per checked bag, $200 for a seat assignment or carry-on bag, $500 for any changes etc…..

McDonald’s has taken down a “employee resourse” website which, amongst other things, noted that “while convenient and economical for a busy lifestyle, fast foods are typically high in calories, fat, saturated fat, sugar, and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight.” The question isn’t why McDs took the site down, but whose bright idea it was to put it up in the first place?

Michigan State has suspended LB Max Bullough, a senior, and one of the Spartans’ top players on defense, for violating team rules, so he will miss the Rose Bowl. This would never have happened if Ohio State was going to Pasadena. Urban Meyer would have made his player’s suspension start January 2.

Little Caesar’s Bowl today at Ford Field features Bowling Green vs Pittsburgh. Two of the only schools who would consider a trip to Detroit with an indoor stadium as an actual reward.

San Diego Chargers rookie WR Keenan Allen, the team’s top receiver, said he was originally so frustrated that he thought about quitting football at the beginning of the season. As opposed to players on the Redskins and Lions, who quit during the season.


All Ducked Up?

November 23, 2013

Well, those two Oregon players who were quoted as saying they didn’t want to go to the Rose Bowl again got their wish.

Congrats to ASU on winning the Pac 12 South. All the Sun Devils have to do to host the Pac 12 Championship game is beat Arizona. Of course that’s the Oregon Ducks had to do too….

Michigan State beats Northwestern to clinch the “Legends” division. Why do I think Woody and Bo wouldn’t be caught dead taking about “Legends” or “Leaders?”


The Gators lost in Gainesville to…. Georgia Southern? This is the most embarassing thing to happen in Florida since at least Wednesday.

MLB’s security director is recommending that teams install metal detectors at each gate in 2014. I see a boom year for makers of plastic flasks.

Dallas Cowboys have missed the playoffs for the last three seasons. And Owner/GM Jerry Jones said he’s been doing some of his best work in years. The rest of the NFC East would certainly agree with him.

USC interim coach Ed Orgeron just got a vote of confidence from …Lane Kiffin. Just when things were going so well.

The state attorney investigating possible sexual assault charges against FSU QB Jameis Winston says his office may not make a decision on whether to file charges until next week or later. How much later? After the Heisman announcement or BCS games?

Johnny Manziel said he will announce his NFL decision before Texas A & M’s bowl game. “Wonder what he will decide?” said absolutely no one.

Just to prove that putting stupid things in emails is not confined to one gender, a female Army colonel stepped down from leading a gender study after she wrote that only “average-looking women” should be used in Army materials used to attract women for combat roles.

A reminder about flying U.S. airlines. It could be worse. A Pakistan Airlines pilot was jailed today for 9 months in Britain for being over the limit – too drunk even to drive a car – before he was about to fly to Islamabad. His defense, in Pakistan there is only a 12 hour “bottle to throttle” rule, and he had finished drinking 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey before that..


There is talk of legalizing cell-phone use on planes. This could be a two-fer for airline profits: One fee for using your phone in the air. Another fee for sitting in a cell-phone free zone.

A-Rod’s statement about his grievance hearing with MLB over his 211-game suspension. “We crushed it They had nothing.” Sounds like the same sense of reality Rodriguez had about facing postseason pitching.

Class, nothing but class. Victoria and David Beckham caused lines to form outside a British Red Cross shop when they donated clothes to help typhoon victims in the Philippines. And now Kim Kardashian put some of her clothes on eBay for the same cause. Except she is keeping 90% of the profits for herself.

It’s beginning in SF, the finger pointing over the 49ers somewhat underwhelming season, and some including Steve Young are putting blame on Colin Kaepernick. You’ve got to think it takes some work for Alex Smith to keep a little smile off his face.


A deal has been reached to halt Iran’s nuclear program. I blame Obama.

Dispirit of St. Louis

October 28, 2013
Cardinals lost 3-1 to the Red Sox.  Rams had a  sure comeback fall short at the 2 yard line. Tonight’s headline “Dispirit of St. Louis.”

Nah, there’s no bias on Fox World Series coverage. Joe Buck – “The National League has won the last three World Series, including these Cardinals in 2011.” Would it kill him to mention the other teams, or rather, team?

Tim McCarver and Joe Buck were so convinced the Red Sox shouldn’t have been holding Wong on last night, we’re lucky they didn’t miss the end of the game altogether with another in-dugout interview or something.

How boring. The only big mistakes in tonight’s #WorldSeries game were hanging curveballs.


Why is ANYONE still pitching to #DavidOrtiz in this World Series? #insanity

A 31-year-old Texas man survived being struck by lighting twice last weekend. First when he was standing under a tree, then when he dropped to his knees and was struck again. The man says he believes God kept him alive, and he will start going to church more. Uh, maybe during storms he should start standing under trees less.

Rick Santorum said of Ted Cruz’s efforts that resulted in a government shutdown “In the end, he did more harm” to the GOP than good. Well, Santorum ought to know, since in 2006 his 18% loss was one of the largest defeats by a Republican senator trying to be re-elected in U.S. history.

Ryanair has released their annual calendar featuring scantily-clad flight attendants, which is a fundraiser for cancer research. Could be worse. The discount carrier could demand passengers either wear minimal clothes or pay a fee to cut down on weight in the cabin.

From my funny friend Howard Fox  “The other day in Washington, a boy’s dog was blamed for starting an apartment fire. Unfortunately for the boy, his homework survived.”

Miley Cyrus was quoted in Cosmopolitan as saying “I feel like I’m kind of an underdog in a cool way. Like, society wants to shut me down.” “Shut her down?” More like “Just make her go away.”

Not sure if Stanford football is as good as their ranking, but they and other Pac 12 teams rank higher in the BCS than the Coaches’ and AP polls. Makes sense. the computers don’t go to bed before the second half of all these West Coast night games.


A federal judge ruled that Texas’s new abortion restrictions are unconstitutional. Which means probably that some in the GOP will try to start blocking more judicial appointments over Obamacare or Benghazi.

Marco Rubio now favors a House piecemeal approach over the comprehensive immigration reform passed by the Senate earlier this year. Not that unusual, except that the Senate bill…. was one that Rubio largely authored.

BYU, over 98% Mormon, has already accepted a bid to the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl in San Francisco. Unhappiest people about this invitation? San Francisco bar owners.

The Carolina Panthers’ Mike Mitchell, who got his 5th fine of the year last week, $7,875 for taunting, claims the NFL and Roger Goodell are targeting him. Well if they weren’t before, they probably are now.


Rock bottom.

October 21, 2013

The Boy Scouts have removed the 2 men who toppled the ancient rock formation in Utah from their posts as scout leaders. No doubt giving thousands of idiots a good lesson – if you’re going to do something that stupid, don’t put it on YouTube.

The Houston Texans released rookies Sam Montgomery, Cierre Wood and Willie Jefferson, allegedly for smoking marijuana. Wonder if the three could be picked up by the Seahawks or Broncos?.

And go figure, smoke pot in the NFL and you get released?  Take steroids and you get suspended a few games but make it back for the playoffs.

It was pretty clear after four days that people in the SF Bay Area missed #BART a lot more than they missed the federal government.

The BART strike is over. Now let’s see if both sides can recover from the plague millions of Californians have wished upon their houses.

So how did the Minnesota Vikings and NY Giants coaches motivate their teams for MNF?    Winner might vault to the top of the BCS standings?

Jim Leyland is stepping down as the Detroit Tigers’ manager. Wonder if those late-inning relief ALCS pitching meltdowns were the tipping point. If so, guess the Tigers’ won’t be interviewing Dusty Baker.

Stanford graduate Andrew Luck, after the Colts win over the Broncos yesterday. “We didn’t let the outside sphere of influence creep into the locker room.” Can’t imagine how Luck gets that nerdy reputation.

The ghost of Russ Hodges: “The Giants win a game, the Giants win a game”

So when Marissa Mayer changed the work at home policy at Yahoo, it was pretty clear she didn’t have childcare issues. Now with the latest update, pretty clear she doesn’t use Yahoo mail either.

Stories out of Texas indicate that Senator Ted Cruz is still popular in the state after leading the U.S. into a shutdown. So where is Rick Perry and his talk of secession when we really need him?

Gov. Chris Christie is withdrawing his appeal of the recent ruling in favor of gay marriage in New Jersey. Christie says he has a “constitutional obligation to enforce the law.” That and apparently he can read the national poll numbers.

Oregon’s defensive coordinator apologized for calling Washington State coach Mike Leach “low class” for leaving in his starters and throwing for two late TDs in the Ducks 62-38 win, saying “There’s no excuse, but sometimes right after the game the adrenaline is still flowing and I made a huge, human error in judgment. I wish I could take it back, and I promise it won’t happen again.” Possible translation “I was reminded we might want to run up the score ourselves later this season to impress BCS voters..”.

Semi-serious stuff below . You have been warned…

Today’s 12 year-old school shooter apparently got a handgun from his parents. Just wondering, if we prosecuted parents for the crimes of their minor children using their guns, and EVERY time a child accidentally shoots themselves or someone else, think folks might try a little higher to keep their weapons in a safe place?

Lawyers for James Holmes, the man accused of killing 12 and wounding 70 in the Aurora, CO theater, are arguing that after the shooting police coerced and misled him into talking to them about bombs found in his apartment, and said his statements shouldn’t be used against him. Right. So maybe a dozen or more lives were saved but the cops were out of line. Yet another example of why attorneys are so beloved in the US.

What happened to Adrian Peterson’s two year old son is a tragedy. But anyone but me having a bit of a hard time with the all the sympathy for the Vikings star when he had only found out the kid existed a couple months ago, and never met his son until the toddler was dying in the hospital?


Falling leaves, falling rankings.

October 20, 2013

Five ranked SEC teams lost yesterday. No punchline. I just like writing that.


The Washington Redskins actually won. I blame Obama.

Ted Cruz is now blaming Senate Republicans for the “lousy deal” to reopen the government. Other Senate Republicans are blaming voters in Texas.

Perhaps Shakespeare anticipated the BCS? As almost two months before bowls are actually decided, the first BCS standings are out – “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

An alligator wandered right outside a Walmart in Apopka, Florida last night, but returned to its nearby lake without incident. But the 6-foot creature now holds the title of the scariest thing seen at that Walmart, well not wearing curlers and short shorts….

Oregon beat WSU 62 to 38, but defensive coordinator Nick Aliotti was furious at Washington State coach Mike Leach, whose team racked up 559 yards. “That’s total bullshit that he threw the ball at the end of the game like he did I think it’s low class and it’s bullshit to throw the ball when the game is completely over against our kids that are basically our scout team.” How dare they indeed… why the Cougars even managed to cover the spread….

Stanford fans just watched a #Colts drive where #AndrewLuck showed how he WOULD have won the Fiesta Bowl. #Notbitter

Even for those of us whose team’s are not in the World Series, one thing to smile about – after this year Tim McCarver is retiring!

Maria Belen Chapur, Mark Sanford’s reason for “hiking the Appalachian trail” and now his fiancee, complained to a reporter that “Everybody has a fantasy that governors or lawmakers make a lot of money. ‘I’m going to take away that fantasy because a governor in the United States makes $108,000 per year … it’s not even enough to pay for private school for his children.” Oh the horror. (Btw, as a Congressman, Sanford now makes $174,000 a year. per capita income in South Carolina, $33,000.)

New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick isn’t happy with the controversial rule interpretation that led to the NY Jets’ game winning field goal today. And longtime Oakland Raiders fans are just giggling.

Wonder what kind of odds you could have gotten in Vegas before 2013 season that the last undefeated team in the NFL would be the #KCchiefs?

If only strength of schedule helped for playoff seeding. #AndrewLuck and #Colts have beaten 49ers, Seahawks and Broncos.

Poll dancing.

October 19, 2013

Five of the 10 ten NCAA football teams have lost today. “Wow,” said SEC players. “That’s more than half.”

Clemson, Texas A & M, South Carolina and Georgia all lost today.   Guess you can’t really build up strength on a steady diet of cupcakes. 

Great touchdown catch for Stanford. Guess you know you’re gettting old when you can remember a time when the reaction wasn’t “Well that will make Top Ten” on “Sportscenter.”

Who knew? University of Central Florida might be a better football team than the University of Florida.

Kentucky coach John Calipari last night “We don’t just play college basketball, we are college basketball. As you know, we are everyone’s Super Bowl.” It’s that kind of humility and grace that makes the Wildcats so beloved around the sport…..

Former Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints coach Bum Phillips has passed away at the age of 90. Will Saints fans who attend his funeral wear paper bags over their heads?

Former NBA superstar Bill Russell, 79, was arrested this week at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport after he apparently forgot about a loaded .38 caliber pistol in his carry-on luggage. If you’re too old to remember you have a gun, perhaps you’re too old to have a gun.

Jim Leyland has managed this ALCS like a man who is pushing for MLB to have a mandatory managerial retirement age.

Was Max #Scherzer really done in both #ALCS games?   Maybe. Without him, Tigers were really done. Definitely.

So when the Boston Red Sox vote playoff shares will they vote one to the LA Dodgers for taking $250 million worth of bad contracts off their payroll?

Cal is now 1-6 this year after a big loss to Oregon State. The real question for the 2013 Golden Bears – how did they win that one game?

Cardinals rule

October 18, 2013

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

SF Giants fans watching tonight’s NLCS game had to be shaking their heads – who knew you were allowed to score runs on Clayton Kershaw?

Alas in the NLCS for Dodgers fans against the #stlcards, Clayton #Kershaw turned out to be no Barry Zito.

At about the 5th inning it became obvious that not even Mike Matheny giving Wacha the game ball will save the Dodgers. #beatLA

From Giants Hot Corner:  “Tonight was the first rainy, 9-0 win to clinch a NL pennant since… the Giants beat the Cardinals last year”

(Congrats to St. Louis, actually. But bet they won’t have anywhere near as cool a souvenir as the SF Giants rain globe.)

In college football, UCF (University of Central Florida) had a last minute rally to upset previously undefeated Louisville tonight, 38-35. Wonder if the Golden Knights got a congratulatory phone call from the president of the SEC?

Enterprise Rent-A-Car announced they will start renting Harley-Davidson motorcycles on the Las Vegas Strip. Great, let’s mix testosterone, motorbikes and Vegas…. With possibly alcohol.   What could possibly go wrong?

A federal air marshal was arrested yesterday at Nashville Airport for allegedly using his cellphone to take upskirt pictures of female passengers boarding a plane. If the guy wanted to see under women’s clothes, why didn’t he just get a job running TSA’s body scanners?

I must say that watching Prince Fielder play first is really making me miss watching that svelte young man Pablo Sandoval. #ALCS

From TC   “Phoenix Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald is enrolled in the U of Phoenix and is working on a degree in Communications. Too bad he couldn’t get QB Carson Palmer signed up as well so they could both be on the same page.”

Mitch McConnell said there will not be another government shutdown: “I think we have now fully acquainted our new members with what a losing strategy that is.” Ted Cruz said he wouldn’t rule it out and will “continue to do anything to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” This is beginning to remind me of some folks who brag about their parenting skills while their little darlings run amok.

So between the government being shut down and the government not being shut down is there any real difference in what Congress is not doing?

Russian airline Transaero will get its first Airbus A380 in 2015, and while they plan 12 First and 24 Business Class seats, the carrier plans to put 612 seats in economy class. Don’t tell United Airlines.

FOX has announced that all World Series games this year will take place at 8:07pm EST, except for Sunday night’s game which will start at 815p. Way to pull in children as lifelong fans…. kids on the East Coast will be lucky to make it up for 3 innings.

A woman who was working as a drug informant asked two POLICE OFFICERS she was riding with to help find a hitman to kill her husband. She was arrested when she met the “hitman”, who was an undercover officer, and gave him a shotgun. You guessed it, Florida. (Though Arizona would have been a good 2nd choice.)

Thank you note?

October 17, 2013

Now that the shutdown is over, wonder if President Obama will send a thank you note to John Boehner and Ted Cruz for reminding him where he put his cojones.



The government reopened today, and Michele Bachmann called it “a very sad day.”  Brave words from a woman who never had to give up a day of her paycheck.


Sarah Palin, not fazed by Steve Lonegan’s loss to Cory Booker, is suggesting the Tea Party should focus on 2014 Senate primary challenges to GOP incumbents in Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee and Mississippi. Great news…for Democrats.

A British company has come out with a line of “Live Strong” style colored silicon bracelets called “My Single Band.” The bracelets indicate that the wearer is unattached and looking for a relationship. Wonder how many married men will buy them.

Flori-duh strikes again. This would be funnier if it weren’t scary. Two murderers serving life sentences in a Florida prison were set accidentally set free earlier this month because of forged court documents. The Florida Dept of Law Enforcement just learned of this and a sheriff’s office spokesman said “”These two individuals are out. They shouldn’t be, and we want to get them back in custody.” Ya think?

Headline about Mitt and Ann Romney’s California vacation home “Romney to tear down house.” Wonder how many Americans saw that and thought “Could he do the same for the senate?”


Roseanne Roseannadanna was right…. Just when folks in Washington D.C. decided to act like adults…. BART workers have announced they plan to strike Friday.

Sometimes I think if President Obama said the sky is blue, some conservatives would argue it. But this line from his remarks today might set a record for bipartisan agreement “The American people are completely fed up with Washington.”

A Miami high school teacher was fired after she rented a penthouse apartment for a post-prom party that included alcohol and condoms. And across America men are thinking “Where were teachers like that when I was in high school.”

Thursday was #throwbackthursday Could we throwback #TedCruz to Canada?


The Oregon Ducks will wear pink helmets this weekend for their game against Washington State in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. Good idea, should add a spark to their usually otherwise nondescript uniforms….

And for those who think the Ducks’ uniforms aren’t ugly enough, or for that matter the Red Sox playoff beards, I leave you with. the Dodgers’  Andre Eithier.


Progress and Congress.

October 16, 2013

Cory Booker won the U.S Senate seat in New Jersey tonight. Against a Republican who called him a “Hollywood stand-in” for President Obama. Alas for Steve Lonegan NJ voters apparently viewed him as a stand-in for Ted Cruz.

A new study found that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. The scary thing… what does that mean for treats that are made from real chocolate?

A flight from San Jose to Honolulu made an emergency stop in Oakland after a bird was sucked into an engine. Alaska Airlines reported no injuries. The bird, however, would disagree.

Brian Cashman’s former mistress is suing her psychiatrist for leaking medical information to the Yankees GM, which she claims to her arrest and incarceration for five months. Hmm, maybe we’ve found a possible woman who really deserves A-Rod.

Obama met briefly today with Miss America Nina Davuluri when she visited the White House with a group from the Children’s Miracle Network Hospital Champions. Presumably the President did so despite an offer to fill in during the shutdown from former President Clinton.

Staten Island Congressman Michael Grimm, who is single, is denying the story that he had a 17-minute sexual encounter with a woman in a wine bar bathroom. I don’t know… 17 minutes? Might raise his standing with female voters.

Ted Cruz decided not to block a vote on the Senate shutdown-debt ceiling deal. So has he decided he likes “Green Eggs & Ham?”

John Boehner may have accomplished the impossible – making Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell look like statesmen.

So regarding this Redskins controversy, we used to have the Washington Senators. In light of current events and current competence levels, why don’t we rename the football team the Washington House?

“Better to keep silent and be thought a fool” dept: Colts owner Jim Irsay said he was “frustrated” that his team won only one Super Bowl when Peyton Manning was there. Just the motivation Peyton needs for his next opponent… Indianapolis.

Peyton Manning in response to Colts’ owner Irsay’s complaint about them only having 1 ring. “I don’t have any answer for you on that, or any comment on any of that.” Two points on that: 1. Archie raised a classy son. 2. Broncos are 6-0, and the Colts 4-2. (No comment is a bit classier than “Suck it, Irsay.”)

What a relief for Fox announcers. With Pedroia’s single in 1st tonight, they didn’t need to spend most of #ALCS game 4 jinxing another #Tigers no-hitter.

If any men needed more explanation as to why females still adore Robert Redford, there’s was today’s CNN interview: Where the actor said that women and young people are the answer in Washington “Give them the reins. I think they can do better than we have.”

Playoffs and other stress tests.

October 16, 2013

Apparently after a routine stress test, doctors found that George W. Bush had a 95-percent blockage in one of his coronary arteries, which doctors opened with a stent. “Who needs a heart anyway?” responded Dick Cheney.


Fans who don’t regularly watch baseball and have turned in for the playoffs had to be looking at tonight’s Cardinals-Dodgers game and thinking “Wait, you’re allowed to score before you’ve played 5 or 6 innings?”


No one will know if Yasiel Puig woke up the St. Louis Cardinals. Besides, the idea that such a thing can happen during the postseason is a myth. Just ask the SF Giants who beat the same Cardinals during Jeffrey Leonard’s “One Flap Down” playoff series…. Oops, never mind.

(of course as my friend Michael says  “Cards are a lock. When’s the last time they blew a 3-1 series lead?)


Regarding Puig, I do seriously get the youthful exuberance.   But while baseball has ceded many things about being America’s pastime to football, I do hope they never try to match the NFL with all the dances and celebrations that have gone from following a game-winning touchdown, to the most trivial of tackles or catches.  As the much-ascribed line goes “act like you’ve been there before.”


Detroit twice had runners on third with less than two out, and failed to score today. The 2013 Tigers picked a bad day to turn into the 2013 SF Giants.



Class act: Dennis Eckersley on the 25th anniversary of the Kirk Gibson HR “It was a great moment for the game, just not a great moment for me. There’s so many great things that have happened to me since that time, if that’s the only thing I have to live with for the rest of my life, I’m cool with it.”

From Bill Littlejohn:  On the 25th anniversary of Kirk Gibson’s iconic World Series HR against the Athletics,  the Dodgers wanted him to throw out the first pitch at Tuesday’s playoff game-.  The D-Backs manager declined, but said that he would throw a couple of Dodgers into a swimming pool

Lights back on in Comerica Park after a 17 minute power outage. Waiting for the Baltimore Ravens to blame this on Roger Goodell.


The Senate is trying to resolve the shutdown and debt ceiling crisis created by the House. And if and when this is done, will Senate leaders Reid and McConnell also give House members a timeout?

Two days to default. And the Senate passed a “clean” funding bill two weeks ago. But somehow a House that can vote to overturn Obamacare 40 times can’t manage to vote on it once?

(Can’t we borrow the “Vote of No Confidence” rule from Britain just once?  And use it next week?)-

People complain Obamacare is confusing? As opposed to the current mess? Anthem says they pay 70% for non-participating providers, but actually pay closer to 20%, because they decided a California ob-gyn doctor should only charge $90 for a new patient comprehensive exam. Their response to a complaint: “The amount is determined according to the non-participating provider section in your Evidence Disclosure Form from March 1, 2013, on page 131….” #weneedsinglepayer


(regarding that page 131… wonder how many pages are in the form?)


Final, Final Last Chances…

October 15, 2013

Really? Email Monday from a vendor “Final Day to Shop Our Columbus Day Sale.” But presumably tomorrow is the “First day to shop the Halloween Sale”.


So while we’re on the football team name game… In these PC times is it only due to the fact that New Orleans’ team now is pretty good, that we haven’t heard a protest from the Catholic Church?

Idea for President Obama to get bipartisan agreement during a tough time in Washington, D.C.: Appointing Dan Snyder to some symbolic but meaningless position which would still require Snyder to sell the Redskins.

In Berkeley, Seattle, and other U.S. cites, Columbus Day is Indigenous Peoples’ Day. But no matter how P.C. this country gets, however, it will probably never spread national-wide. Especially since most Americans can’t spell “Indigenous.”

Harry Reid said Monday a deal was near to end the shutdown. Maybe someone told Ted Cruz to stay home because no one would be negotiating on Columbus Day?


Got to love announcers saying that an 0 2 hole in ALCS or NLCS would mean series was basically over. Guess it’s been so long in MLB  since a team climbed out of a two-game hole…


A backup dancer who dressed up as a teddy bear for Miley Cyrus’s MTV performance is now saying that being “on that stage, in that costume was one of the most degrading things I felt like I could ever do.” Uh, presumably less degrading than a costume where anyone could actually see her face and recognize her.

Arkansas AD director Jeff Long has been named the first chair of the College Football Playoff selection committee. Someone from the SEC, I’m shocked, shocked…..


Tried to buy red wine from United flight attendant. “Sorry, we only have white.”. Okay, then,  fine. Pay the man and he hands me a chilled mini-bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Scientists have found traces of a chemical similar to methamphetamine in Craze, a pre-workout sports supplement. Wonder if the company claims the product was originally designed by a high school teacher?


Greg Schiano, coach of the 0-5 Tampa Bay Bucs “The only thing I can say to the fans is, if they can hang in there, we’re going to be good.” Not sure if he’s right, but Schiano has just been named an honorary Chicago Cub


Macy’s will open some stores this Thanksgiving at 8pm. The bad news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families. The good news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families.

A Massachusetts High School senior volleyball player lost her captain’s title and was suspended five games after she drove to pick up a drunk friend at a party where students were drinking. (Despite a police officer’s vouching for her being sober.) Wrong on so many levels, but why do I think this wouldn’t have happened to the captain of the football team?

Any given Sunday

October 13, 2013

saints saintssaintsIn New Orleans. Where they do love their football team….


Although, up four points, 10 seconds left,  no timeouts for the Patriots….  Why not line up six men on the goal line, five at the five, and dare Brady and company to break through?  Just sayin’

At this point finding replacement name for the Washington Redskins will have to be some inanimate object. Because the team is playing in a way that would be an insult to any real or mythical creature.

The baseball Gods do not apparently approve of pulling a dominant starting pitcher who has thrown only 108 pitches #Redsox #Tigers

Things fell apart for the Tigers so fast Sunday night, Giants fans had to wonder, did Leyland give Scherzer the game ball?

Though if the Red Sox been shut out again would Bud Selig have declared a moratorium on post-season PED testing?

Marc Ragovin “I guess you can say that the Red Sox won game two of the ALCS by the hair of their chinny chin chins.”


The #Jets look to be joining the #Yankees, #Mets and #Giants in a campaign to give NY sports fans a choice: Hockey or basketball?

GM Brian Cashman denied reports he would prefer to have A-Rod suspended than have the Yankees pay him $24 million last year. And he said it with a straight face.

A Teapartier today at the so-called “Million Vet March” demanded that President Obama “leave town, put the Quran down, get up off his knees, and figuratively come out with his hands up.” Charming. Wonder why the same guy isn’t demanding that Ted Cruz go back to Canada.

Rand Paul said that President Obama should not be using scare tactics about raising the federal debt ceiling. Right, add “the U.S. paying bills on time” to the list of commie pinko liberal concepts.

I think I’m beginning to understand the narrative: When President Obama compromises with the GOP, he’s a spineless wimp.  When he stands his ground, he’s an arrogant wanna-be dictator.

Only unhappy football fans in Denver Sunday night. Anyone who bet the 28 point spread. #Jagssuckbutnotthatmuch

SF Giants fans are happy the team didn’t make the rumored trade of Javier Lopez to Detroit. Tigers fans tonight, not so much.

Lesus Saves?

October 11, 2013

Oops: The Vatican just withdrew thousands of official papal medals from sale when they discovered they had misspelled Jesus’ name as “”Lesus”. Guess this doesn’t do much for the doctrine of papal infallibility.

The Oakland Raiders will play a 2014 NFL home game in London at Wembley. “Black Hole” meets soccer hooligans, wonder if the NFL is chipping in for police overtime….

The Duggars say they are “actively trying” for their 20th child. And somewhere God is thinking “When I said go forth and multiply, I wasn’t thinking numbers that required a calculator.

NY Jets TE Kellen Winslow is the latest player to receive a 4 game suspension for violating the NFL’s PED policy. He issued the standard “I apologize but I have no idea what happened because I would never knowingly take banned substances” statement….

Mark Zuckerberg has spent $30 million on four houses that border his home in Palo Alto. And for the Facebook founder to have that kind of privacy, guess the site will only need to add a few more ad generators invading ours….

The MAC has announced a new bowl game known as the Boca Raton Bowl beginning in 2014. This is great news for all these teams who thought they might finish 6-6 and tragically miss the postseason.

Stay classy Ted Cruz. When the Texas Senator spoke yesterday at a Tea Party event, he said he was going to meetings with the President, and “if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team.”

At Texas A&M, they are getting rid of the natural grass surface at Kyle Field after the season, and will sell it for $400 for a 460 sq ft pallet. Alas, the NY Giants share a stadium with the Jets. Otherwise Giants fans might be interested in a similar deal – if they can sell the Met Life field in chunks NOW, so the team could stop trying to play on it.

Nazi war criminal Erich Priebke, 100, has died. He was under house arrest serving a life term for his part in a massacre of 335 civilians near Rome in 1944. Priebke’s lawyer announced his death saying “”The dignity with which he withstood his persecution made him an example of courage, coherence and loyalty.” Even Jerry Sandusky’s legal team is thinking “I want to throw up.”

Well, it may hurt a bit if Zach Wheeler turns into an All-Star.  But at least the SF Giants’ idea to trade for Carlos Beltran in 2011 has been validated.  #BeatLA

A federal judge ruled today that MLB can legally prohibit the Oakland A’s from moving to San Jose. Well, that ought to give Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committee enough to keep them deliberating another 5-10 years..

Good week for Mitt Romney. The California Coastal Commission approved his plans to tear down his 3,000 sq-ft home in La Jolla, and build a 11,000 sq ft replacement. And he and Ann just bought an $8 million home in Park City to replace the one they sold before he ran for President. And these days Mitt doesn’t have to deal with any silly reporters asking him how many homes he has.

At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at:
At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at:

What’s in a name?

October 9, 2013

Washington owner  Dan Snyder about the Redskins name “It isn’t just where we came from — it’s who we are.” “Who we are?” Well, guess “Sucky Football Team” doesn’t fit on a jersey.

In the SF Bay Area, BART unions are apparently ready to strike for a second time. Apparently trying to see if it’s possible to get even more unpopular than Congress.

This might be a more controversial post than the shutdown lines, but here goes:

When interviewed for local radio and asked for his NLDS prediction, Chipper Jones had predicted LA would beat Atlanta in 4 games.  So the entire Braves team boycotted his throwing out the ceremonial first pitch for game 1, and Chipper had to throw to the mascot. Sounds like Atlanta is just as classy as their fans’ Tomahawk Chop.

Back to the shutdown:

The House would need 217 votes to pass a CR (clean resolution) to end the government shutdown. Apparently as of today there are 219 “yes” votes. Math, another of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

Yahoo just changed their mail interface without any warning at all. Just who does Marissa Mayer think she is, the CEO of Facebook?

Congress’s approval rating is now at 5%. Wow. There are actually 5% of Americans who think they are doing a good job?

Who says Congress isn’t suffering along with the rest of the country? Sen. Ted Cruz told People magazine that his wife and two daughters couldn’t visit the National Zoo and museums last weekend. So they went apple-picking and visited Mount Vernon. Ah that American resilience during tough times….

12 people were stuck nearly 3 hours tonight at Universal Studios Orlando on a roller coaster that broke down. As opposed to the millions of people that are still stuck for days across the country with the roller coaster of the government shutdown..

Chris Christie has said he is against the GOP shutdown tactics. Makes sense, because since he thinks he’ll be elected President in 2016 he doesn’t want the Dems to try the same B.S. on him.

Cowboys defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin said that people should blame him, not Tony Romo, for the team’s loss to the Broncos. USC fans are shocked – a Kiffin taking responsibility for anything?

Travel agent face palm moment of the day, clients ask for several very deluxe rooms in a particular tropical resort area in late December. Warn them that this could be difficult because most such places sell out far in advance for Christmas. The response “That’s okay, we don’t celebrate Christmas…”

Washington coach Steve Sarkasian claimed that Stanford faked injuries to slow down the Huskies’ offense in last week’s game. Except that the two players who briefly left the game were Ben Gardner and Shayne Skov,  star seniors who are probable NFL draft choices. So if Cardinal coach David Shaw were to fake injuries, Sarkasian doesn’t think he’s smart enough to fake them with marginal players?

From Jim Barach  “Snooki from “Jersey Shore” has opened up about her struggle with anorexia in high school. Fans of the show were shocked. Snooki went to high school?

So many questions?

October 8, 2013

Definition of a “non-essential government worker.” Anyone whose job doesn’t immediately and directly benefit me.

A jealous Saudi husband divorced his wife after she posted a snap of her kissing an Arabian filly’s face. Was he jealous of his wife or the horse?

A 21 year-old Texas high school teacher is under fire because it’s been discovered that she posed for Playboy as an 18 year-old college student. So far she’s keeping her job. And requests from fathers for parent-teacher conferences have probably jumped 1000%.

Detroit Lions center Dominic Raiola apologized to Wisconsin’s marching band today for his “inappropriate” comments made to them before last Sunday’s game. Hmm, usually when you hear “apologized” “marching band” and “inappropriate” in the same sentence, the Stanford band is involved.

John Boehner: “I didn’t come here to shut down the government. And I certainly didn’t come here to default on our debt.” (But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once?)

A new poll says that the GOP could lose the House over backlash from the current shutdown. But maybe Boehner has a plan for that too – shutdown the voting booths?

Nike unveiled new Pro Bowl uniforms today, changing their colors from blue and red to orange and yellow. Sure, that will do it. The reason the game has been so unwatchable has been the color scheme….

Two bases-loaded, nobody out situations today in the MLB playoffs… without a score. Somewhere Rod Beck and Harry Houdini are smiling.

Wonder if the #Rays put a few sharks in their stingray pool  tonight to keep the #RedSox out of it?

The 9 year old boy who sneaked onto the Delta flight apparently has previously sneaked into water parks, had gotten at least one free meal at a restaurant, and once stole a car. Wonder how many start-up companies want to hire him.

Should we be that shocked that a child was able to sneak his way onto the plane, apparently by boarding with a family with a number of boarding passes…. Gate agents often seem to have no interest in counting carry-on bags, we expect them to count kids?


From T.C.   “Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called his teams loss to the Broncos a moral victory. Translation: they beat the spread and I made a shitload of money.”

Stay classy, Arizona. Your move, Florida: State Rep. Brenda Barton (R. Payson) on FB: “Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer… where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”

Mark Sanchez had season-ending surgery today, and said “I’m very disappointed that I can’t be out there to help my team on the field.” Many NY Jets fans are thinking that he’s doing a great job of helping his team by staying OFF the field.

Cleveland Browns executive Jon Sandusky, son of former Penn State assistant Jerry Sandusky, was arrested today for alleged DUI. Maybe he wanted to spend some quality time with his dad?

When asked by a reporter’s today about a vote on a “clean” continuing resolution – to reopen the government with no strings attached – in order to end the shutdown. Boehner walked away humming “Doo, doo, doo.” I think one less “doo” would have about described the Speaker’s strategy.

Amazing. Listening to those on the right, sometimes Obama is an arrogant authoritarian socialist President using his unfettered power to destroy our country. Other times he is completely bumbling and ineffectual, unable to accomplish anything. It’s so confusing.

The Pretenders?

October 7, 2013

USC announced that imposters pretending to be from the University contacted both Jack Del Rio and Tony Dungy about their vacant coaching position. There’s a certain symmetry, for years, Lane Kiffin was pretending to be a big time coach.

Beginning to think God is really really tired of that tomahawk chop

Philadelphia and Dallas are tied for the NFC East lead, with 2-3 records. It’s early days yet, but to make the NFL playoffs, shouldn’t your team be good enough at least to be bowl eligible.

In an interview with New York Magazine, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia talked the “coarsening” of society, due to “the constant use of the F-word — including, you know, ladies using it.” Of course, many of the “ladies” using the F-word have been using it in response to some of Scalia’s statements.

Eli Manning today in a radio appearance “I don’t think I’m playing lousy.” Fair enough. “Lousy” would be an improvement.

Flori-duh moment of the day. Freshman GOP Rep. Tom Yoho, on if the U.S. fails to raise the debt limit. “I think, personally, it would bring stability to the world markets.” (Before he ran for Congress, his first elected office, Yoho was a large-animal veterinarian….)

This just in: PETA is protesting the Tampa Bay win as being cruel to actual Rays. #stingraypoolwalkoff

The Denver Broncos are a NFL record 28-point favorite over the Jacksonville Jaguars this week. Have to wonder if the spread would be less if the Broncos were playing the FSU Seminoles.

QB Matt Flynn was cut today by Oakland. He’s made $14.51 million in the last two years from the Raiders and Seahawks, and started exactly one game. With that kind of performance to pay ratio what’s Flynn’s next move – a run for Congress?

The Redskins return from their bye week next Sunday. Disappointing all fans who thought they were one of the few good things to be shutdown in Washington.

Oops. In Los Angeles, the school district spent $1 billion to give 650,000 plus students iPads. Only problem, the high school kids cracked the security settings so they could play games and post on social media during class. On the brighter side, American ingenuity is alive and well.

As the shutdown continues, it’s interesting that the party that has made such an issue of the sanctity of voting and the need to tighten requirements to avoid voter fraud, is also the party that sees no need to take an actual vote…

Ah technology, United Airlines sent a  message about booking a hotel on for a new reservation to Los Angeles. For a same-day roundtrip. Makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their autopilot.