Posted tagged ‘vatican jokes’

Lesus Saves?

October 11, 2013

Oops: The Vatican just withdrew thousands of official papal medals from sale when they discovered they had misspelled Jesus’ name as “”Lesus”. Guess this doesn’t do much for the doctrine of papal infallibility.

The Oakland Raiders will play a 2014 NFL home game in London at Wembley. “Black Hole” meets soccer hooligans, wonder if the NFL is chipping in for police overtime….

The Duggars say they are “actively trying” for their 20th child. And somewhere God is thinking “When I said go forth and multiply, I wasn’t thinking numbers that required a calculator.

NY Jets TE Kellen Winslow is the latest player to receive a 4 game suspension for violating the NFL’s PED policy. He issued the standard “I apologize but I have no idea what happened because I would never knowingly take banned substances” statement….

Mark Zuckerberg has spent $30 million on four houses that border his home in Palo Alto. And for the Facebook founder to have that kind of privacy, guess the site will only need to add a few more ad generators invading ours….

The MAC has announced a new bowl game known as the Boca Raton Bowl beginning in 2014. This is great news for all these teams who thought they might finish 6-6 and tragically miss the postseason.

Stay classy Ted Cruz. When the Texas Senator spoke yesterday at a Tea Party event, he said he was going to meetings with the President, and “if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team.”

At Texas A&M, they are getting rid of the natural grass surface at Kyle Field after the season, and will sell it for $400 for a 460 sq ft pallet. Alas, the NY Giants share a stadium with the Jets. Otherwise Giants fans might be interested in a similar deal – if they can sell the Met Life field in chunks NOW, so the team could stop trying to play on it.

Nazi war criminal Erich Priebke, 100, has died. He was under house arrest serving a life term for his part in a massacre of 335 civilians near Rome in 1944. Priebke’s lawyer announced his death saying “”The dignity with which he withstood his persecution made him an example of courage, coherence and loyalty.” Even Jerry Sandusky’s legal team is thinking “I want to throw up.”

Well, it may hurt a bit if Zach Wheeler turns into an All-Star.  But at least the SF Giants’ idea to trade for Carlos Beltran in 2011 has been validated.  #BeatLA

A federal judge ruled today that MLB can legally prohibit the Oakland A’s from moving to San Jose. Well, that ought to give Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committee enough to keep them deliberating another 5-10 years..

Good week for Mitt Romney. The California Coastal Commission approved his plans to tear down his 3,000 sq-ft home in La Jolla, and build a 11,000 sq ft replacement. And he and Ann just bought an $8 million home in Park City to replace the one they sold before he ran for President. And these days Mitt doesn’t have to deal with any silly reporters asking him how many homes he has.

At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at:
At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at:

A new weak.

May 30, 2012

The Vatican is saying they “consider the publication of stolen letters to be an unprecedentedly grave immoral act,” Right. As opposed to all that less gravely immoral stuff involving altar boys.

The only problem with long weekends is Tuesdays that feel like Mondays. With more work.

(proving this, not hitting the right keys so Tuesday’s post got published Wednesday.)

A much thinner Barry Bonds showed up at A T and T Park last Sunday and chatted with reporters, saying that his new sport is cycling. Cycling?! Well, good to see he’s moved on to a sport where he won’t have to deal with PED rumors.

Donald Trump is back to spouting his “birther” theories to anyone who will listen and give him airtime. Even Sarah Palin is beginning to think the Donald is a media whore.

Now that most people, Donald Trump excepted, have moved beyond the birth certificate issue, a conservative blogger is now offering $20,000 for Barack Obama’s college transcripts. Right, because back in 1990 Harvard set in place a vast conspiracy to make a lousy black student editor of the Law Review so he could be President of the U.S. 18 years later.

Question of the day about Facebook stock, now down over 20% from its IPO price: How long until the Romney campaign tries to pin this on Obama?

Mitt Romney gave a speech in Colorado where he said of the recovery “‘Look, things are getting a little better, aren’t they?’ And the answer is yeah, things are getting a little better in a lot of places in this country, but it’s not thanks to (Obama’s) policies.” Now what’s still bad, that’s ALL Obama’s fault.

Michele Obama has written a book- “”American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America,” which also includes tips for gardening and healthy eating. Wonder how long it will take Sarah Palin to criticize the volume as more meddling in American lives.

Mitt Romney refuses to repudiate Donald Trump, even with the birther claims, saying “You know, I don’t agree with all the people who support me and my guess is they don’t all agree with everything I believe in. But I need to get 50.1 percent. “Uh, not exactly.” responded Al Gore.

Serena Williams lost in the first round of the French Open. Which is a shocking headline even though most Americans had no idea they were currently playing the French Open.

Well, the Chicago Cubs have finally found the cure for a 12 game losing streak – play the San Diego Padres.

United Airlines  is advertising their celebration of 75 years serving Denver. Curiously enough, 75 years is what most people would probably estimate to be their lifetime elapsed time waiting out delays on flights through Denver.

Fox News Chief Roger Ailes’ last week gave a talk at Ohio University where he accused the New York Times of publishing a questionably sourced article about him. Only one problem, the article in question was never in the New York Times. Details, details.

The San Antonio Spurs have a 20 game winning streak. Out of habit, the 1972 Miami Dolphins are getting worried.