Posted tagged ‘playoffs jokes’

Weighty matters?

January 16, 2018

Odds of Trump weighing 239 pounds are about the same as Pablo Sandoval’s never topping 239 pounds when he was with the SF Giants?

Stanford Cardinal hopes for a great  football season just improved immensely.

2018 slogan?  “Love, Actually. ”  #BryceLove

Bengals fans who hate the Steelers have been thanking Jaguars QB Blake Bortles by donating to his charity. Imagine how much Bortles can raise from Americans if Jacksonville can knock off Brady and Belichick.

Reports that police were called in Houston after the Clippers’ win when several players including James Harden and Chris Paul reportedly stormed LA locker room to confront Blake Griffin and Austin Rivers,
Apparently officers prevented anything from actually happening. But wonder if Rockets-Clippers next game has been moved to national television?#basketballbrawl

 

United 1219 from Denver to Kauai had to divert to San Francisco when the toilets became full, resulting in 8 hour delay. Talk about a shitty flight.

Reports that ICE is planning for a “major sweep” in Northern California cities to arrest and deport more than 1,500 undocumented people so that they can “send a message.” Just wondering, how many people is ICE going after from Asia or Europe including Russia?

#ReligiousFreedomDay for Trump just means that everyone should be free to worship him in their own way.

Turkey has issued travel warning for the US because of a “recent increase in terrorist and violent attacks,” as well as “arbitrary arrests” of Turkish citizens. Are we feeling great yet?

 

Patty Schachtner just won a  State Senate seat in Wisconsin in a district that Trump won 55 to 38 in 2016.   And it  was scheduled as a special election to depress turnout.

So a reminder,  we don’t need to convince EVERYONE that voted for Trump they were wrong. Just enough for a majority.

 

I know geography not Trump administration priority. But still, how does someone with the name Kirstjen not know anything about a Scandinavian country?

 

“When ignorance and bigotry is allied with power, it’s a dangerous force in our country. Your silence and your amnesia is complicity,”  Cory Booker to Kirstjen Nielsen #Booker2020

 

 

 

 

 

A cold day…

January 7, 2016

 

The Minnesota Vikings are warning their fans that temperatures are expected to hit a high of 1 degree on Sunday. And Green Bay fans are thinking “1 degree? We could wear shorts.”

Lots of expert predictions on this weekend’s NFL playoff games. And we should listen to all those experts because they all predicted the hosts for these games would be Houston, Cincinnati, Minnesota and Washington?!

So now Johnny Manziel has been cited for driving with expired license plates. Even JaMarcus Russelll is saying “Dude, get it together.”.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired Lovie Smith, who was their third coach in five years. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking, “Jeez, show a little patience.”

Missed the ‪#‎Powerball‬ numbers last night by six. And I didn’t even play.

The next Powerball lottery jackpot will approach $700 million, resulting in turn millions of new players.  Because $400 million just doesn’t buy what it used to?

House Speaker Paul Ryan on what the GOP needs to do to win: “We have to show people what our principles are and how we apply those principles to the problems of the day to offer people real solutions”
And most of the Presidential candidates are going “Principles?”

One big problem faced by the the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ in their coaching search – any coach who is smart enough for the job, is probably also smart enough not to take it. ‪#‎trainwreck‬

Since their spring semester has started, Clemson asked for and got an NCAA waiver from a rule today which prevents “in-session” schools from practicing or holding team meetings for more than four hours per day or 20 hours per week. The school said players will miss class “only with professor approval.” And of course if any professor denies approval it would only be a coincidence if that professor is denied tenure.

A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬?

A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬

House Speaker Paul Ryan said that Obama’s executive actions on guns were “a distraction” and that the President should be focused on fighting terrorism. But hey now, that 62nd repeal attempt for Obamacare, THAT was important.

Interesting that ‪#‎JohnMcCain‬ stated strongly that ‪#‎BarackObama‬ was an American but he’s not so sure about ‪#‎TedCruz‬

 

Hillary Clinton, asked this week about extra-terrestrials, said “I think we may have been visited already” by aliens. “We don’t know for sure.” Heck, for all we know, one or two of them may be running for President.

From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “Ken Griffey, Jr. was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. On his way to the podium, he pulled a hamstring and was placed on the disabled list.”

 

Below expectations?

January 18, 2015

The bleachers at Wrigley Field won’t be ready by Opening Day, and due to renovations will be closed at least all of April, and possibly May.   Longtime Cubs bleacher bums are upset, they already know they’ll miss October.

Yes, the Oscars this year are very white. But while we’re screaming about lack of diversity, once again, where are the nominees for comic movies and “chick flicks”? ‪#‎grumpyoldacademymen

 

The surviving members of the Grateful Dead have announced a 50th anniversary reunion show this July. Good news for many of those who saw the band in its “smoky” heyday. It will be an actual concert they can remember.

Jennifer Aniston, being asked again about a rivalry with Angelina Jolie. “I think it’s time people stop with that petty B.S. and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” What, and put all those tabloid writers out of business?

 

President Obama apparently will propose raising the capital gains tax on on couples making more than $500,000 per year to 28 percent, the same level as under Reagan. Have to wonder how many younger GOP legislators are thinking “yeah, that commie pinko… oh wait, never mind.”

 

The Power 5 NCAA conferences approved a measure 79-1 saying that schools must pay athletes a stipend (a few thousand a year) to cover the actual cost of attendance besides room, board and books. One ACC school dissented. Wonder if it was FSU. That stipend probably wouldn’t cover crab legs.

Meanwhile, the University of California will tie pay for newly hired coaches and athletic directors to their athletes’ performance in the classroom. Which is a good thing. Unless it means more athletes majoring in underwater basket weaving.

According to the NY Times, a U.S congressional delegation is in Havana this weekend to meet with Cuban officials “to discuss greater cooperation and remaining areas of disagreement.” And maybe to do a little cigar shopping.

Bill Cosby’s lawyer says he has proof the comedian was not in Los Angeles the night a model accuses him of drugging and sexually assaulting her at the Playboy Mansion. If true, that’s one “she said” down, and about 99 to go.

Fox is considering bringing back “24” without Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. ‪#‎whatsthepoint‬

 

Free pass on the bus to hell for my funny friend Jerry Perisho:  “‘There’s an easier way.’ – Bill Cosby to Greg Anthony”

 

The Colts’ Trent Richardson didn’t travel with his team to Sunday’s AFC championship game against the Patriots because of “personal reasons” As in “personally” everyone else on the team is sick of him?

Lesus Saves?

October 11, 2013

Oops: The Vatican just withdrew thousands of official papal medals from sale when they discovered they had misspelled Jesus’ name as “”Lesus”. Guess this doesn’t do much for the doctrine of papal infallibility.

The Oakland Raiders will play a 2014 NFL home game in London at Wembley. “Black Hole” meets soccer hooligans, wonder if the NFL is chipping in for police overtime….

The Duggars say they are “actively trying” for their 20th child. And somewhere God is thinking “When I said go forth and multiply, I wasn’t thinking numbers that required a calculator.

NY Jets TE Kellen Winslow is the latest player to receive a 4 game suspension for violating the NFL’s PED policy. He issued the standard “I apologize but I have no idea what happened because I would never knowingly take banned substances” statement….

Mark Zuckerberg has spent $30 million on four houses that border his home in Palo Alto. And for the Facebook founder to have that kind of privacy, guess the site will only need to add a few more ad generators invading ours….

The MAC has announced a new bowl game known as the Boca Raton Bowl beginning in 2014. This is great news for all these teams who thought they might finish 6-6 and tragically miss the postseason.

Stay classy Ted Cruz. When the Texas Senator spoke yesterday at a Tea Party event, he said he was going to meetings with the President, and “if I’m never seen again, please send a search and rescue team.”

At Texas A&M, they are getting rid of the natural grass surface at Kyle Field after the season, and will sell it for $400 for a 460 sq ft pallet. Alas, the NY Giants share a stadium with the Jets. Otherwise Giants fans might be interested in a similar deal – if they can sell the Met Life field in chunks NOW, so the team could stop trying to play on it.

Nazi war criminal Erich Priebke, 100, has died. He was under house arrest serving a life term for his part in a massacre of 335 civilians near Rome in 1944. Priebke’s lawyer announced his death saying “”The dignity with which he withstood his persecution made him an example of courage, coherence and loyalty.” Even Jerry Sandusky’s legal team is thinking “I want to throw up.”

Well, it may hurt a bit if Zach Wheeler turns into an All-Star.  But at least the SF Giants’ idea to trade for Carlos Beltran in 2011 has been validated.  #BeatLA

A federal judge ruled today that MLB can legally prohibit the Oakland A’s from moving to San Jose. Well, that ought to give Bud Selig’s “Blue Ribbon” committee enough to keep them deliberating another 5-10 years..

Good week for Mitt Romney. The California Coastal Commission approved his plans to tear down his 3,000 sq-ft home in La Jolla, and build a 11,000 sq ft replacement. And he and Ann just bought an $8 million home in Park City to replace the one they sold before he ran for President. And these days Mitt doesn’t have to deal with any silly reporters asking him how many homes he has.

At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf
At bedtime Tuesday night, Matt Schaub threw out the cat–it was intercepted and run back for a TD. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/276663/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-October-11-2013-Edition-440#sthash.IlUkYfDh.dpuf

Golden girl?

January 14, 2013

Hollywood is abuzz about Jodie Foster’s semi-coming out speech at  the Golden Globes speech tonight.  Which really was about as shocking  a bombshell will have to wait for Lance Armstrong’s confession will be to Oprah.

Forget the controversy over whether or not “Zero Dark Thirty” needs a disclaimer…. no one’s going to top Amy Poehler’s line on director Kathryn Bigelow. ““When it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron.”

If any woman didn’t already have enough reasons to love Hugh Jackman, hard to beat closing an award acceptance speech by telling your wife she is ALWAYS right.

Saw “Argo” Sunday.  I’m no film critic. But hard to believe there were really five directors who did a better job in 2012 than Ben Affleck.  (And apparently the Hollywood Foreign Press agrees with me.)

The NY Mets apparently are taking a look at erstwhile SF Giants closer Brian Wilson. What’s more optimistic – that Wilson will return to form after his second Tommy John surgery? Or that the Mets will have games to close?

In Paris, hundreds of thousands of people marched to protest the French president’s plan to allow gay couples to marry and adopt children. And this is the country that ridicules the U.S. for making a big deal of politicians who have mistresses?

The world’s oldest person, Koto Okubo, 115, died Saturday in Japan. The best part of this story – she had lived in the same nursing home as one of her sons.

Who knows what next week will bring . But Atlanta Falcons may have set a record today for survival after serious self-asphyxiation.

Denver Broncos thought they were the biggest NFL choke story of the year. Turns out they were barely the biggest choke story of the weekend.

49ers fans may not like the prospect of going to Atlanta, but SF Bay Area fans sure had to enjoy the look on Pete Carroll’s face at the end of the Falcons-Seahawks game.

Colin Powell said today on “Meet the Press” that he’s still a member of the Republican Party. The questions is whether some GOP members of Congress can honestly say the same thing.

Nate Silver predicted that the Seattle Seahawks would be in the Super Bowl. Maybe Pete Carroll should have consulted with Silver as to whether he thought the odds favored icing the Falcons’ field goal kicker.

January 13 was apparently the 12th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” day around the world. Which means for those in the know that  January 14 will be the 12th annual “Stand Up Instead of Sitting on the Subway Seats” day.

From Bill Littlejohn:    “Callers to 9-1-1 in Virginia reported seeing a lion that turned out to be a dog.  Detroit fans can certainly identify.”

Home field disadvantage?

October 16, 2012

Before tonight, SF Giants were doing so poorly at home during the playoffs the team had to be thinking a solution might be to sacrifice a chicken. Except that in San Francisco they’d get an immediate protest from PETA.

 

Grateful Dead members Bob Weir and Phil Lesh sing National Anthem in San Francisco tonight. Well, that ought to dispel image of SF Giants as a commie pinko team.

The author of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” has just filed for corporate bankruptcy. But apparently it won’t affect his personal assets as it’s just one of the companies he conducts his business through. Wonder if this is covered in the chapter on personal responsibility?

(my sister suggests that ” Maybe middle-class kids should incorporate before they attend college?”)

Paul Ryan is taking some heat for showing up at an Ohio soup kitchen for a photo op, and pretending to wash clean dishes.   Mitt Romney wouldn’t make that mistakes – he knows dishes get given to staff to put in the dishwasher.

 

Meanwhile, fans of instant replay in baseball may have gotten a big boost Sunday night in terms of motivating Bud Selig to expand it. – Since a blown call went against the Yankees.

 

The Koch Brothers sent 45,000 Georgia-Pacific employees a newsletter telling them to vote for Mitt Romney, warning that they will “suffer the consequences” if they vote the wrong way. Have these multi-billionaires ever considered spending the millions they are spending for the election on something productive for the country?

American Airlines says that statistics show their performance is improving. Presumably because you can’t fall off the floor, or rather tarmac.

The first BCS rankings are out. And a pair of SEC schools, Alabama and Florida, are 1-2. “I’m shocked”, said absolutely nobody.

 

A seven game series can last a long time. But even the possibility of a Giants Tigers World Series has to make Fox about as happy as Obama being re-elected.

No joy in Bronxville.

October 14, 2012

The worst things for Yankee fans about Jeter’s injury: 1. It was him and not A-Rod. 2. It’s too late in the year to go out and buy a replacement player.

Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland said early Sunday that Jose Valerde wouldn’t close tonight’s game. Well, not like he closed last night’s game either.

Felix Baumgartner landed safely today after a record-breaking jump from the stratosphere – 24 miles high. And somewhere Darwin is saying, “Missed it by that much…”

 

Arlen Specter died today at the age of 82. He had been well-known for years as a moderate Republican. Many younger people don’t remember Specter. Still others don’t remember moderate Republicans.

 

Angry Stanford fans got some vindication today when former NFL vice president of officiating  Mike Pereira said today of the play where Stefan Taylor was supposedly stopped to end the game:  “I’ve looked at the play from every angle, and I think the call should have been reversed to a touchdown. ”   (He also questioned a late personal foul call on Stanford.)

Can we say it’s not whining if the grapes really are sour?

 

Washington Nationals fans are still furious at the team for shutting down Stephen Strasburg in September. But SF Giants fans are beginning to wonder if their team shouldn’t have done the same with Madison Bumgarner.

 

 

Ah creative capitalism at its finest: An Orlando radio station is putting up big billboards promising “No political ads.”

Giving Jim Harbaugh control of the challenge flags is like giving a 16 year old boy the keys to your Ferrari.

David Axelrod suggested today that in the next debate President Obama would be “more aggressive.” Uh, while I didn’t think Barack did THAT badly, would it be possible to be less aggressive without being clinically dead?

 

 

The Space Shuttle Endeavour ended up taking 17 hours longer than scheduled to make it to its final home in at the California Science Center. Are we sure American Airlines wasn’t somehow involved?

Tampa’s Aqib Talib was suspended 4 games without pay for taking an Adderall pill without a prescription. So was he suspended because it was a PED, or because he was too stupid to get a prescription. “Oh look, a puppy…”

From Marc Ragovin:  Now that Lance Armsrtong is retired, he doesn’t take PEDs. But it woudn’t be too difficult for him to start doping again. I mean, its like riding a bicycle.

Feeling their pain.

October 14, 2012

This might be the one and ONLY time in my life I show some sympathy for the NY Yankees. Because I remember a May 2011 game when the SF Giants were down 4 runs, came back to tie it up, and lost the heart and soul of their team to an extra-innings injury.    OK, I am done with the sympathy now.

Yankees fans are particularly upset by the injury. ..more than a few wishing it could have been A-Rod?

 

 

 

Okay, SF Giants fans didn’t hate TBS/Fox before…. they just said that the Yankees are the best team in the American League. and the CARDINALS are the best team in the National League. Put this quote up over the entrance to A T and T Park.

But an  open note to all SF Giants fans who have bitched about the team’s lack of a genuine closer…… in Detroit now as in Washington, D.C., fans are saying “Oh STFU.”

Although if Friday night wasn’t bad enough, some Nationals fans got an email Saturday with an exclusive offer to buy World Series tickets.

Clearly President Obama should have issued an executive order barring the Nationals from shutting down Stephen Strasburg.

So which enterprising Stanford student will come up with the t-shirt saying “Stanford 25, ND 20 in overtime?” (Including those two touchdowns the refs missed.)

Did they ship the replacement refs to South Bend?

Considering how that NLDS went against the Reds, wonder if the SF Giants asked MLB if they could decline home field advantage for the NLCS against the Cardinals?

At Rupp Arena last night, Kentucky raised their 2012 national championship banner. With coach John Calipari they have to raise those things fast in case they get vacated.

Was Derek Jeter’s injury Saturday night God’s way of saying Nate McLouth’s ball just might have hit the foul pole Friday?

It’s not over…

October 10, 2012

None of Major League Baseball’s Division Series have ended up sweeps with one team 3 and out. You know what this means.  All four series’ have lasted longer than some NBC new sitcoms.

The Cardinals really teed off on Nationals starter Edwin Jackson today, a career .500 pitcher. Gosh, if only Washington had a really top notch starting pitcher they could have used for game 3.

Meanwhile, the SF Giants’ Tim Lincecum threw 42 out of his 55 pitches today for strikes. And Giants manager Bruce Bochy is thinking “You mean, all I had to do was put him in the bullpen?”

Okay, a question from Wednesday afternoon. Did the aliens who were inhabiting the SF Giants hitters’ bodies go back to their home planet, or were these the aliens today? Because it is not the same team we have seen since Saturday.

Bus to hell time: Jerry Sandusky has apparently been placed on suicide watch. I think a lot of Americans would pay to watch.

Watching Prince Fielder have to think that if he ever tries to slide into third base with Pablo Sandoval trying to block him it would register on the Richter scale.

Apparently the man who was stopped in Los Angeles with a bulletproof vest and a smoke grenade in his luggage was actually screened before boarding a flight in Korea. So it is possible to have security that is worse than TSA.

Washington State football coach Mike Leach said some of the seniors on his team have been “zombie-like” and “have an empty-corpse quality.” Way to throw your team under the bus, said even Bobby Valentine.

So Facebook now has a “Promote” button, where for $7 you can tell your friends your post is important. Here’s news for them, if you have to TELL your friends your post is important, it isn’t important.

-Mitt Romney 7.0 “There’s no legislation with regards to abortion that I’m familiar with that would become part of my agenda.” Of course, maybe he’s not saying he’s changed his views, maybe he’s saying he’s not actually familiar with ANY legislation.

Rick Santorum said today that marriage will “disintegrate” along with the American family if same-sex marriage becomes legal. Uh, really? So far marriage has been strong enough to survive the Kardashians.

TBS announcers talking about what a tough job Yankees manager Joe Girardi has had this year. And 29 another teams with lesser payrolls are thinking “Oh, STFU.”

 

Australian billionaire Clive Palmer is apparently trying to build a new cruise ship that will be an exact full size replica of the Titanic.   Uh, maybe a few small changes might be in order.

Dying for attention?

October 8, 2012

In Florida, the 32 year-old winner of a roach-eating contest died shortly after downing dozens of the live bugs as well as worms.. Darwin would be so proud. (And what’s scarier than eating roaches? The fact that this guy was a swing-state voter.)

Could it get any worse for the NY Jets? Well, tonight there was this tweet ““Hey JETS!!!” I’m available! I’m ready, willing & able!” The tweet, no joke, was from Terrell Owens.

Jerry Sandusky, in a pre-sentencing audio tape, said, “In my heart, I know I did not do these alleged disgusting acts.” Uh, Jerry, your heart might be one of the only innocent parts of your anatomy.

 

Nice job tonight,   Baltimore Orioles.  Good to see that it is still possible to wear Orange and Black on a baseball diamond and score runs.

TBS announcers actually bragging that for “the first time, MLB network has the playoffs.” Really? Am surprised they don’t tell folks who can’t afford the network and have to follow the games onlne or on radio to eat cake while they’re at it.
(Of course,  let’s be fair, if Roger Goodell could put the Super Bowl on pay-per-view, he would.)

A recent poll showed a tightening President race but more than 50% of voters polled said it was difficult to know what Romney stood for. Suppose that’s not too bad, since at this point not sure that even Mitt Romney knows what he stands for.

Mitt Romney said today in a speech that the U.S. needs to be “more assertive” in the Mideast. Apparently we haven’t started enough wars and spent enough trillions yet.

Monday should have been one of Mitt Romney’s favorite holidays: In many ways Christopher Columbus was the first to really profit from offshoring.

In Berkeley,  Monday was  “Indigenous People’s Day.” Although these days the California schools are in such bad shape the harder goal may not be learning history but to get kids to be able to spell “Indigenous.”

In an interview discussing her $10 million reality tv wedding, Kim Kardashian stated “But the next time, I want to do it on an island with just my friends and family and that’s it.” Well, except for a few select reporters and other media representatives.

 

A former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader will avoid jail in a plea deal where she admitted having sex with a 17-year-old who was her student at a Northern Kentucky high school. Many were outraged by the deal, especially other boys who wanted her sentenced to teach at THEIR school.

Another thought about last night’s game at A T and T Park. Was T.S. Eliot really an SF Giants fan before his time “This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.”

Maria Shriver is reportedly wearing her wedding ring again, despite Arnold’s new autobiography detailing several affairs and lies. Maybe Schwarzenegger has convinced her that he really is a true Kennedy.

 


Gary M.   starts this last one off:  “After 30 years of marriage, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman have split up. He’s 67, she’s 64…divorcing in their 60′s seems a bit short-sighted.”

TC  adds “That joke went over my head.”

Have at it folks,  this could go on for a while.  The whole thing could be a little much.

No it’s not a dream…..

September 30, 2011

It’s Friday morning. And Generalissimo Francisco Franco, the Atlanta Braves, and the Boston Red Sox are still dead.

Boston Red Sox GM Theo Epstein allegedly called SF Giants management this morning – “Nothing personal guys, but we think it’s time for you to hand over that ‘Torture’ slogan.”

All the sports talk now is about the Boston Red Sox historic collapse last night. To which the Atlanta Braves commented “Who are we, flattened chopped liver?” (Or as my friend Michael Duca says “Chopped Tomahawks.)

Rumor has it Curt Schilling wanted to go on air to defend his former Red Sox teammates. But with the mood in Boston this morning, apparently the team’s official response was “Oh, put a bloody sock in it”



What a shock. LSU’s Jordan Jefferson had his battery charges stemming from a bar fight reduced to a misdemeanor. (Jefferson was only accused of kicking another man repeatedly while he was down on the ground.) And LSU coach Les Miles lifted his star QB’s suspension.

Prediction, the trial date will be set for January, after Jefferson leads the team to a BCS bowl.

And so, Friday is the first day of the MLB playoffs. The Tigers’ Justin Verlander faces the Yankees at 837p EST on TBS. And for your pregame entertainment, TBS will also be showing the Rangers-Rays at 507p.

Many are wondering if it was God’s will that the Rays and Cardinals ended up in the playoffs. And God has allegedly replied “Don’t pin this on me, I’m still trying to replace Peyton Manning on my fantasy football teams.”

True bus to hell joke from my friend Marc Ragovin: Boston hasn’t seen so much choking since Albert DeSalvo. (Note to anyone under 40 who likes really sick jokes and is thinking “What?”, Google the name.)

Congrats to the Golden State Warriors have hired Rick Welts, the first openly gay basketball executive, as their team president. To paraphrase Barry Goldwater’s statement about the military, it apparently now doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, if you can put together a team that can shoot straight.

SEC commissioner Mike Slive has asked the BCS to lift the rule saying that a maximum of two teams from a single conference can play in the five major bowl games. Why doesn’t Slive say what he really wants – for the BCS to say “It’s the SEC’s world, we just live in it.”

A quote from the master: Jon Stewart last night arguing taxes with Bill O’Reilly. “I’m not saying we should shoot (the rich) but we shouldn’t act like returning to the tax rates of the Nineties is class warfare on par with Lenin and Marx.

Bank of America recently cut 30,000 jobs, today they announced a new monthly $5 fee for debit cards. If corporations really are people they are making a lot of folks’ in-laws look pretty good.


Bank of America once used the slogan “Bank of Opportunity.” Now they are thinking of changing it to “Because we can.”

After Jon Huntssman said he had no plans to seek Trump’s endorsement, the Donald tweeted that Huntsman “has zero chance of getting the nomination. Whoever said I wanted to meet him? Time is money and I don’t waste mine.” Especially when Trump has more pressing priorities, like his hair.

Even if we weren’t quite ready for some football…

January 11, 2011

In some ways sports seems trivial after the awful shootings in Arizona Saturday.

On the other hand, if we stop laughing, the bad guys win.   So, ever onward.

Apparently tickets to the BCS championship are selling for $2000 and up. Curiously enough, for $2000 a fan could probably purchase a ticket to every single one of the other 34 bowl games, and have money left over.

Glendale police say eight people have been arrested for selling fake tickets to Monday’s BCS Championship game between Auburn and Oregon. Apparently all eight have protested “but we got the tickets from our fathers.”

The NCAA says a major reason not to have a college playoff system is that it would keep those players away from their studies for an extra few weeks. Right, as opposed to now where I am SURE players from Auburn and Oregon have been focused on school for the last month.

Open note to football fans in Washington D.C. hoping to root for a decent team: Take a page from the airports, and start referring to them as the BWI Ravens.

The Jets had a nearly 10 minute touchdown drive in their playoff game against the Colts.    Just how long was the drive?   By the time it was over,  Brett Favre had unretired and retired three times.

Kansas City fans were hoping that they would have a few more weekends of watching their Chiefs play football this year.

Today quoth the Ravens,  “nevermore.”

Will a documentary on the life of new Hall of Famer Roberto Alomar be titled “True Spit?”

Nick Coombs sent in this: TLC announced they will not renew “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” for a second season. It’s for the best though, she probably would have resigned midway through the season anyways.

But really, TLC is the network that ran five season of Jon and Kate plus 8.  So how bad do you have to be to be cancelled after one year…?

NBA playoffs…

April 17, 2009

So it’s time for the  NBA playoffs, or as the Clippers refer to it  – “Spring Break.”

The playoffs will start Saturday, and continue almost to the beginning of summer.  In fact, to increase ratings rumor has it the league will rename the post-season “April, May and June madness.”

The Kings actually ended up the NBA season with the league’s worst record which means they have the best chance of getting the lucky ping pong ball for Blake Griffin.   They hope to bring the star to Sacramento,  and turn things around. 

Yeah, that worked so well with Schwarzenegger.

One reason it wouldn’t be so bad if Texas seceded – we’d never again  have to hear the Dallas Cowboy’s referred to as “America’s team.”

Two more minor league baseball players from in Kansas City organization have been suspended for steroid use.  Okay, how embarassing is it to be caught needing to use steroids to make the Royals?

General Growth Properties, the second largest mall ownership company in the U.S., filed for bankruptcy this week.  A General Growth spokesman, however, vowed business as usual.

Wait a minute, isn’t that how they ended up in bankruptcy in the first place?

John Madden is leaving the announcers booth after over 40 years in football.  Savvy fans released he might not be back this year when he put his own picture on Madden 2010.

(okay, and if this makes no sense, Madden 2010 is the latest in an immensely popular video game serioes. The game, however, has often appeared to have a major “cover jinx,” especially for season ending injuries.)