Posted tagged ‘football jokes’
August 31, 2019
And this is the school so many rich people paid big bucks to bribe their children’s way into…?
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Meanwhile, Northwestern played Stanford in the Nerd Bowl. Wonder if officials were ever tempted to say it was 3rd and 3.14159.
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If Oregon hadn’t choked away tonight’s matchup with Auburn, SEC would have lost five games in one day…. Just saying.
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Baseball in 2019. Minnesota Twins hit six home runs in one game….and LOSE 10-7. If the ball were any more juiced it would be sponsored by Minute Maid.
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Lebron James is trying to trademark “Taco Tuesday.” Because he’s the only one who thought of it? Other than almost every Mexican food chain and taqueria in the country? WTF?
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Many of us have different choices in next year’s election. Can we all agree that any fundraising email marked “urgent” triggers the “delete” button?
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What customs officials originally thought was a “huge drugs bust” at Gatwick Airport in London turned out to be vegan cake mix.
Now, some vegan cakes are criminally bad…but yeah, this did seem like overkill.
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The first person shot by today’s mass killer was a police officer during a attempted traffic stop. But tell me again how arming kindergarten teachers will keep our children safe?
Guess the optics weren’t good for Trump to spend weekend at Bedminster with Dorian approaching so he sneaked off to golf from Camp David.
Sunday morning will Donald have a moment of silence for Odessa victims on the first tee?
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Trump had a meltdown today about “Disgusting and foul mouthed Omarosa.” So why doesn’t he fire the idiot who hired her?
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Trump RTs a lot of stuff on Dorian, including a Red Cross tweet praising military spouses who volunteer. This at the same time he denies citizenship to military children born overseas AND deports military spouses. He has no shame. There is no bottom.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, golf jokes, hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, USC jokes
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August 26, 2019
A Harvard study found that former American football players who suffered concussions are more likely to develop low testosterone levels and erectile dysfunction in later life. Forget CTE, this might be what finally kills pro football.
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After Houston talk show host Rick Kamla yesterday called Andrew Luck, who went to high school in the area, a “quitter” and a “joke” in a tweet, today he apologized and said he used a “terrible choice of words.”
Translation, Luck retired, I don’t want to be fired.
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Anyone but me not only a sports fan but also REALLY don’t care about Antonio Brown and his helmet?
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Chiefs sign Matt Moore, who retired after 2017 season, as a backup QB after Chad Henne broke his ankle.
Now, I’ve never been a huge Kaepernick fan, especially since he says it’s not worth voting, but who’s going to get signed next before him? Brett Favre, Tim Tebow?
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This Sunday there were three malls, including the Great Mall in Milpitas, California, with shooting scares. But aside from how terrifying these episodes are, how long until millions of Americans just decide they feel safer only doing online shopping? As if retail isn’t hurting enough.
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Former Maricopa county Sheriff Joe Arpaio was convicted for criminal contempt of court over a racial profiling case and pardoned by Trump in 2017. How he’s running again for Sheriff in 2020.
Even Mississippi and Florida are going “How nuts does he think Arizona voters are?”
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Trump this morning claimed Melania has “gotten to know” North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. So another useless lie? Or is he confusing Melania and Ivanka. #WishfulThinking
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Trump today, claiming he’s an “environmentalist. “I want clean air. I want clean water. “I want a wealthy country. I want a spectacular country, with jobs, with pensions…and that’s what we’re getting.”
Yeah, when I was about five I wanted a flying pony.
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Can anyone imagine how apoplectic GOP would have been if Obama even proposed having G7 in Hawaii because it was close to where he grew up? Let alone at a place he owned.
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Another thought about 2020 G7. They are held generally in the summer. Having graduated from Lake Brantley High school near Orlando, outdoors in early June, I can attest that even at 7a no human being wants to be in Florida that time of year
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So Trump feels the need to deny that he asked about nuking hurricanes but not that he says windmills cause cancer?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: emoluments jokes, football jokes, g7 jokes, hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, windmill jokes
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August 25, 2019
Colts fans must feel as shocked and betrayed as if someone stole their team in the middle of the night.
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Wonder how many fans in Indianapolis who booed Andrew Luck as a coward for retiring would cheer if the Colts signed Colin Kaepernick in his place.
But yes, your reminder, Colin Kaepernick is still available.
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Pablo Sandoval to have Tommy John surgery. Wonder if he’ll recover in time to pitch next season.
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Patriots TE Lance Kendricks now joins Benjamin Watson on the suspended list, and safety Patrick Chung has been arrested on a cocaine charge. Gosh, whoever thought Bill Belichick would have so many players doing something illegal?
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Tennessee Volunteers sophomore CB Bryce Thompson arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault after he allegedly threatened to “slap the s— out of” a woman and to “shoot up the school.”
Since Thompson was a Freshman All-American and led the team in interceptions last year, how long until someone decides he’s a nice kid who deserves a second chance?
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Meanwhile, NCAA has put Mississippi State football on probation for academic cheating. Well, good to know they’ve punished the only problem school in the SEC.
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With about 5 weeks left in MLB season, Baltimore GM Mike Elias has fired 11 people in front office and scouting department. He says it’s “to provide those who lost their jobs a jump at getting back into the market.”
Because don’t all other teams want to snatch up talent from the Orioles?
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On Trump tariffs, “This is not the way to proceed. Apart from everything else, those who support the tariffs are at risk of incurring the blame for the downturn in the global economy, irrespective of whether or not that is true.”
This sentence from that noted voice of reason Boris Johnson!!??
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Trump at G7 “The question I was asked most today by fellow World Leaders, who think the USA is doing so well and is stronger than ever before, happens to be, “Mr. President, why does the American media hate your Country so much? Why are they rooting for it to fail?””
Uh, would he like to name ONE of those world leaders?
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How long until Trump claims the Amazon rainforest fires are the fault of Jeff Bezos?
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Joe Walsh says he will primary Donald Trump in 2020. Let me be very clear, I agree with Joe Walsh on very little, and disagree with him strongly on guns and a woman’s right to choose.
But I believe he is a sane person who loves this country. And cannot say the same about Trump.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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September 30, 2017
Tell me again about SEC domination in college football? #LSU #Troy
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Even better, Troy , a 20 1/2 point underdog who pulled the upset of the Tigers, was paid $1 million to play Alabama. The last time Troy was involved in a story this embarrassing, a horse was involved.
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Who’d a thunk that of all players Stanford had to replace this year, McCaffrey might have turned out to have been the easiest.
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if Bryce Love played for an SEC team the national media would be declaring the Heisman race over.
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Two Texas HS football players reportedly kicked off team for protesting during national anthem Friday. Want to bet they weren’t starters?
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Danny Travathan suspended 2 games for hit on Davante Adams. He is appealing. Which seems right- should have been at least 3 games.
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Will Trump take credit in morning for Warriors losing their first game of NBA preseason?
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Fitting that in Matt Cain’s last start the SF Giants only got him 1 run. Fitting for 2017 SFGiants bullpen blew saves. Twice.
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RIP #MontyHall His funeral will be behind door number one. Or two. Or three.
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Trump now attacking “poor leadership ability by the Mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico.” Jesus wept. As should all Christians.
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I think I got it: People are dying in Puerto Rico just so the Fake News Media can get back at Trump #whythereisnosatire
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Trump tweets from luxury golf resort w/ taxpayer paid staff while attacking Puerto Rico. Can we change “Hold my beer.” to “Hold my clubs?”
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But seriously, Trump tweets-people of Puerto Rico “want everything done for them.” After breakfast at luxury club while Secret Service holds his golf clubs?
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Has anyone suggested to Trump that Puerto Ricans aren’t paying attention to “Fake News” because they have like, no power?
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Waiting for someone to say “Trumpie, you’re doing a helluva job.”
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So just guessing Trump is never going to see Hamilton.
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Watching Trump trash Puerto Rico and Democrats makes me shudder to think how he’d react if California had a major earthquake.
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So just wondering, is there anyone in GOP who might have had any issues with Trump’s tweets about Puerto Rico they’d be willing to share?
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So if Trump were President during Katrina wonder which Democrats he would have blamed for the lost of 1833 lives?
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Trump takes time from victim-bashing in Puerto Rico to tout how the candidate who was losing by 8 when he endorsed him only lost by 10.
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Open note to Trump fans, most people, including liberals, thought that Cambridge librarian was being an idiot about the Dr. Seuss books. So move along, and find something else to attack the Obamas over. Thank you.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bryce love, football jokes, Janice Hough, puerto rico, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 28, 2016
Jon Stewart, when he quit “The Daily Show” in 2015. “I’d covered an election four times, and it didn’t appear that there was going to be anything wildly different about this one.”
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Another reason baseball is the BEST sport. In a 1-0 game you can’t just play keep-away & try to run out clock. #WorldSeries #Indians #Cubs
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The World Series reminds us again that #As really are a farm system for the rest of MLB. #Crisp #Zobrist #Lester #Russell #Davis #Otero
While the SF Giants are not in the World Series, Giants fans had to like to hear ESPN’s play-by-play announcer Dan Shulman on Indians pitcher Tomlin “”he can handle bat though he’s no Bumgarner.”
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The U.K. Telegraph finally posted an interview with Bob Dylan saying he “absolutely” wants to attend the Nobel Prize Ceremony “if it’s at all possible.”
Actually, Dylan probably gave the interview on the day he won the award, it’s just taken them this long to translate it.
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A recent Chapman University poll showed that 32% of Americans are afraid of climate change, while 42% are afraid of clowns. #BeamMeUpScottieThereIsNoIntelligentLifeOnThisPlanet
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In a debate with Tammy Duckworth, who is a Purple Heart winner from the Iraq War and double amputee, Sen. Mark Kirk made a jab at her mother’s being from Thailand. Among those who have criticized him, KellyAnne Conway. Thereby answering a question “How low do you have to go to be called out by the Trump campaign?”.
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Today is #NationalChocolateDay. And women are going “Isn’t EVERY day ‘National Chocolate Day?'”
Pac 12 Commissioner Larry Scott, answering a reporter’s question about a TV contract that has Cal playing back-to-back weeknight games during a tough academic period. “That hasn’t been a parameter, academic schedules per se, so it hasn’t come up… Well of course not, the idea of big conference television contracts started with the SEC. #whatacademicschedules?
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An American Airlines flight at O’Hare caught fire when a tire apparently blew on takeoff. Expect flight delays. And for United Airlines to immediately institute a tire maintenance fee.
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“New” Clinton emails may be from #AnthonyWeiner. Will #FBI agents reading them get hardship pay for needing to take so many showers?
No doubt Hillary Clinton is furious over the alleged Anthony Weiner messages being used to reopen her FBI email investigation. On the other hand, she has to be very thankful sexting wasn’t an option during Bill’s time in the White House.
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Rumor today that if Hillary Clinton wins she would like to name Biden as Secretary of State. Wonder if this means Joe, who would be 81, wants to run for President in 2024?
From T.C. “Tickets for this weekend’s games at Wrigley will average $5,000 ea. Of course, this includes Steve Bartman’s ticket. The Cubs gave him $10,000 to go watch the game at a bar in Miami.”
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, chocolate jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, mark kirk jokes, Trump jokes, Weiner jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 21, 2016
So Colin Kaepernick was just voted the most disliked player in the NFL. Because kneeling during the National Anthem is so much worse than assault, domestic violence, rape….
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Miami Dolphins safety Michael Thomas, who has been kneeling during the national anthem for the first two games of the NFL season, says he has been receiving death threats via social media. Okay, outrage and upset I get, but death threats? Seems like some Americans are bent on proving his and Kaepernick’s etc. point.
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On a brighter note for #SFGiants fans, tonight’s 9-3 loss to the Dodgers wasn’t a heart-breaking 9th inning.
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Interesting for SF Giants fans. If it comes down to the last day of the season and Giants are tied with the Cardinals – look at the expected pitching match-up for St. Louis and Pittsburgh:
Cards: Weaver (1-4) Pirates: Vogelsong (3-5)
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Story today in the SF Chronicle that BART’s fare machines are running on Windows 2000, 17 year-old software. By airline standards, cutting-edge technology.
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In Norway, 126 owners of Tesla Model S P85D are suing the company, saying their cars’ with “insane mode” acceleration only reached 496 horsepower instead of a pledged 700.
So too soon to start a pool on how many of those 126 drivers will end up getting Darwin awards?
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The FBI has released pictures of the two men who allegedly stole a suitcase in NY last Saturday night, dumping and disabling the bomb in side. The bureau says they want to talk to them. Maybe the guys could help start a new division for Homeland Security “Hertz Rent-A-Thief?”
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Imagine @RealDonaldTrump’s response if #DonKing was supporting and had introduced @HillaryClinton
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So if we’re worried about dangerous Skittles can we start a petition to take the orange ones out?
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Former Trump campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, who was fired in June, now works for CNN as an on-air political contributor. But Trump paid him $20,000 in both July and August. A Trump spokeswoman called “monthly severance” and in no way a conflict of interest.
And I am sure the Donald would be just as understanding if Hillary were paying a former staff now working for the national media.
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So Jimmy Fallon may have rolled over for the Donald. But kudos to Seth Meyers: “You don’t get to peddle racist rhetoric for five years and decide when it’s over. The bottom line is this, Trump built his career on a racist lie because he’s a racist and a liar, and instead of denouncing that lie, the GOP doubled down on it completely.”
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From T.C. “Colin Kaepernick says he is protesting for all the black people that are subjected to oppression and abuse on a weekly basis. What about all the white people who have 49ers seasons tickets?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: don king jokes, football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, tesla jokes, Trump jokes
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September 10, 2016
Many SF Giants were shocked to see an unaccustomed sight in the dugout tonight during the team’s 11-3 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks – smiles.
Did #Northwestern decide to stop playing Division 1 #FBS football last offseason and just not tell anyone?
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Millions of Americans dislike both #Trump & #Clinton & think choosing the lesser evil is tough – what about when #Yankees play #Dodgers?
ESPN commenting on how old US Open women’s champion @AngeliqueKerber is…. she is 28 years old.
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Not sure who will with the Willie Mac award for this year’s most inspirational SF Giant. But the award for the Giant most likely to drive fans to scream, cry and/or drink has to go either to Santiago Casilla or the manager who keeps putting him out there.
Two games for USC, two players ejected in 1st half each game: LT Chuma Edoga today for pushing an official, LB Jabari Ruffin last week for stomping on an opponent’s groin.
So maybe coaches Sarkasian & Kiffin weren’t solely responsibly for all that Trojan embarrassment after all?
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Many of Hillary Clinton’s fundraisers are closed to the press, last night’s LGBT event WAS open to some media. And she said this – “To just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it,”
So was it a gaffe by a very cautious politician? Or a deliberate hand grenade tossed to set off an carefully-timed explosion?
Hillary has backed off the “half” of Trump’s supporters on the “basket of deplorables” line, but not the concept. As the old joke goes “We’ve already established that, now we’re haggling price.
Guessing @realDonaldTrump is furious at @HillaryClinton over #BasketofDeplorables – insulting millions of Americans is HIS job.
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Donald Trump yesterday “With Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.” How Presidential of him.
Mike Pence “I think it’s inarguable that Vladimir Putin has been a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country. And that’s going to change the day that Donald Trump becomes president.”
So Trump’s first act is going to be to disband Congress?
Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baskets of deplorables jokes, battle at bristol jokes, ESPN jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, pence jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 23, 2016
So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc.are multiple felons.
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#SFGiants get big win, #Duffy gets 3 hits on his bobblehead night. Imagine what they could do with #Skeeter bobblehead night. #duffcat35
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Gregor #Blanco in one game has become #SFGiants leader in triples. #baseballisaweirdgame
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#SFGiants #PitchersWhoRake #wedontneednostinkinDH Peavy joins the party tonight. A friend pointed out that SF Giants pitchers have as many hits – nine – as Albert Pujols.
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So as the NBA considers outlawing the “hack” strategy of intentionally fouling bad free-throw shooters, here’s another idea: Why doesn’t the league require anyone shooting under 50-60% percent from the line to start shooting free throws underhanded?
Apparently NHL postseason viewership is down nearly two-thirds across Canada since no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. And in the U.S. many sports fans are going “the NHL is having playoffs?
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ESPN reported that after the University of Miami’s spring game last week, Hurricanes coach Mark Richt urged his players to help each other stay out of trouble and avoid negative headlines. Today the team suspended RB Mark Walton for a DUI arrest last night. Imagine what he might have done without the warning.
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Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”
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Really? And we wonder why politics are so negative. The U.S. Labor Secretary apparently was one of the DOJ officials involved in mishandling a police shooting case after Katrina that led to the cops’ original conviction being overturned. Fair enough. But the Daily News headline “Hillary Clinton’s potential veep pick, U.S. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez, caught up in bungled case…. “#shehasntevenpickedanyoneyet
Leaving insulting no ethnic group unturned, Trump in a speech yesterday went after outsourcing and used a fake Indian accent in talking about credit card call centers. Some might wonder why he didn’t use the far more annoying airline call center, but of course Trump has never needed to call a commercial airline.
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Hell freezes over alert: Charles Koch,today said Hillary Clinton might make a better president than the candidates in the Republican field. So is this Koch’s way of saying, “I’m rich, conservative but not bat-shit crazy?”
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Regarding Curt Schilling’s mouthing off Twitter and subsequent firing, from Marc Ragovin “Guess ESPN told him to put a bloody sock in it.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 22, 2016
#HappyPassover. You know you’re in California when a woman in checkout line is whining about not being able to find gluten-free Matzoh.
Toronto Blue Jays Chris Colabello has been suspended 80 games for PED’s. Uh, considering Colabello was batting .069 this year, it’s hard to see how his performance was enhanced.
In Tennessee, the wife of a high school football coach has been arrested for allegedly sleeping with an underage player. Hmm, did she aspire to be a teacher?
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Commissioner Adam Silver said that a “change in the law” would be necessary for the NBA to keep the 2017 All-Star game in North Carolina. Just wondering, leaving the advertising $$$ out of it, wonder if another factor was players and celebrities not exactly clamoring to spend All-Star week in Charlotte.
Amazing, almost two days of nonstop coverage of the death of #Prince, and no one has yet blamed it on Obama.
When President Obama and Michelle met the Queen and Prince Phillip at Windsor Castle, Philip drove the foursome 400 yards from the helicopter landing pad to the castle itself. Presumably the whole way with his left blinker on?
A Palm Beach zoo is defending itself against some who say they should have fatally shot the tiger who killed a zookeeper instead of tranquilizing it. But come on, the tiger was just standing its ground.
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McDonald’s sales are way up this year after the introduction of all-day breakfast. And I’m sure it’s just coincidence that this coincides with some states legalizing marijuana.
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Who says I never say anything nice about a Dodger? Brandon McCarthy has been in a Twitter argument with Curt Schilling over the bathroom issue, pointing out “What is stopping any pervert from already going into a bathroom not designated for them and doing what they want? Nothing,” And “Curt we’re talking about human beings with emotions and a desire to be accepted in normal society. Lumping them in w/ molesters and abusers is offensive to not only them but to a reasonable argument.” #wellplayed
So while Curt Schilling is going off on the danger of transgenders in women’s bathrooms has he forgotten that the highest profile sports-related (alleged) bathroom sexual assault upon a woman involved Ben Roethlisberger?
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Meanwhile, across the pond, the British Foreign Office is warning gay travelers about the U.S., and “legislation passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi” “Before traveling please read our general travel advice for the LGBT community. You can find more detail on LGBT issues in the U.S. on the website of the Human Rights Campaign.” #GodBlessMurica #sigh
London Mayor Boris Johnson has gone after President Obama again after Obama wrote an op-ed in the U.K. Telegraph supporting Britain staying in the EU, saying the “part-Kenyan” President had an “ancestral dislike of the British Empire.”
Hmm, maybe Johnson doesn’t want to be Prime Minister, maybe Boris wants to come over here and work for Donald Trump.
Donald Trump’s campaign manager to the RNC “The part that he’s been playing is evolving into the part that now you’ve been expecting, but he wasn’t ready for, because he had first to complete the first phase…”
Right, the “part he’s been playing,” okay, and then the Donald will be out on the campaign trail accusing Hillary of being dishonest.
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Yuck, an asymptomatic pregnant woman in San Francisco who had been to Central America has tested positive for the Zika virus. Now, I would never presume to make this choice for her, but if she chooses to carry the pregnancy to term will the pro-birth crowd be okay with indefinite government funding if the baby is born with microcephaly?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: england jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, Passover jokes, prince jokes, Queen Elizabeth jokes, schilling jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
March 24, 2016
Today #Cruz called #Trump a “sniveling coward.” So in Presidential debates can we expect one of them to say “#Hillary you ignorant slut?”
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The GOP has hammered Obama for staying in Cuba and then traveling to Argentina after the Brussels attacks. Right, a real leader would have stayed home and fought a Twitter battle over his opponent’s spouses?
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Today was the 15th anniversary of the day Randy Johnson pulverized a bird with a pitch. Poor bird, if he had only been hit by Barry Zito, he’d have been telling the story to his grandchicks.
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#RGIII has signed with the Cleveland #Browns. Same circus, different ringmaster?
In Indiana, it is now illegal to abort a pregnancy because of fetal abnormalities. But no doubt the “pro-life” folks will also make sure mothers of disabled babies/children/adults will have welfare and medical care as long as they need it…… #sarcasm
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In Palm Bay, a 24-year-old woman, angry her boyfriend was at a topless bar, confronted him in the parking lot, fought with him, and then ran him over with a car Back on your game, Florida. #ifonlyshewasarmed
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Florida looking to extend their lead for the week: A woman and her husband were both arrested after she hit him with a Burrito Supreme and he responded by stabbing her in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza. #standyourguacamole?
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Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, saying only “fools” don’t want their kids to play football. “This is the greatest game in the world I think it teaches more values than any other game that you play.”
Right, that’s why the NFL leads other pro sports leagues with their arrest rate….
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You know it’s really spring in Denver when…. a blizzard shuts down the airport.
Passengers on board a private plane escaped injury when their landing gear collapsed at San Jose Airport. Good thing it wasn’t United – they’d have probably started to charge a wheels fee.
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So in the SF Bay Area March means two things: Next month the Giants are back. And next month the 49ers will make another bad draft pick.
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OK, 66 is WAY too damn young. R.I.P Garry Shandling. My favorite quote – “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”
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Michele Bachmann wrote a long rambling post basically intimating that the Brussels bombings were Obama’s fault because God wanted to force the media to pull their attention from his Cuba trip. Wow. Is Bachmann angling for a post in a possible Trump cabinet?
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From Dwight Perry, “If you think the NFL’s “what’s a catch?” rule can be cruel, ponder this for a second: Northern Iowa won an NCAA tournament game on a half-court heave that was still in the air 10 feet from the basket when the final buzzer sounded — and Cincinnati lost even though its tying shot was inside the cylinder at the buzzer. The latter because the shooter’s fingertip was still touching the ball.
Yeah, sports are weird.
Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Cuba jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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February 12, 2016
Mets reliever Jenrry Mejia has been permanently suspended by MLB after his third PED suspension, the all since April 2015. Being caught three times in a year? That’s not a suspension for PEDs, that’s a suspension for stupidity.
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Jim Harbaugh and his staff racked up $136,000.in private jet costs during a two week recruiting window this January. And if Michigan beats Ohio State, school officials and alums will consider that a bargain.
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Louisiana is facing a $940 million deficit, New Gov. John Bel Edwards has said without tax increases, there will be massive layoffs and canceled classes at state campuses. Meaning that students attending those universities “will receive a grade of incomplete, many students will not be able to graduate and student athletes across the state at those schools will be ineligible to play next semester. That means you can say farewell to college football next fall.”
Okay, not sure his future political aspirations, but THIS is a man who knows how to play hardball.
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Bryce Harper, asked about a potential $400 million contract, responded “don’t sell me short.” So does that mean Harper is expecting to be a Yankee or Dodger some day?
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Regarding the Mavericks surfing championship. I’m all for choice but how many sports make moms wish their kids did some safer sport like football?
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The Parents of former Jackie Robinson West baseball players have sued Little League and ESPN, saying they knew some children might be ineligible but “chose to ignore and/or deliberately conceal these facts in order to garner higher ratings, publicity, and money.”
So even though the team was caught cheating with residency, but still got a White House and MLB World Series trip out of the deal, this suit says they were wronged. And we wonder why Americans hate lawyers.
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Kanye West now says about his tirade against Taylor Swift that “bitch” is a term of endearment. Right, I’m sure he calls Kim that all the time….
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Just to prove the U.S. doesn’t have a monopoly on political circuses, I bring you this story from Japan, where the first MP who tried to take paternity leave has resigned. After a magazine broke the story that during his wife’s pregnancy, he had an affair with a bikini model….
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A Florida woman was charged with child neglect after her dad found her naked, drunk (.305 blood alcohol level, not a typo) and unconscious while she was babysitting a young child. #ifonlyshewasarmed
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In San Francisco, a place called Equator Coffee was selling cups of coffee made from Finca Sophia beans for $15. And they sold out. And we wonder why other countries hate us?
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Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore dropped out of the 2016 Presidential race. Shocking millions of Americans who had no idea he was running.
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So Marco Rubio, who has spoken only eight times on the Senate floor since January, 2015, still spends $60,000 a year for a speechwriter. Isn’t this like Donald Trump employing a fact-checker?
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The Pope today in Cuba had a meeting with the head of the Russian Orthodox church, their first conversation in almost 1,000 years. So maybe there’s hope for Democrats and Republicans.
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Barry Manilow, 72, has had to cancel concerts after he was told not to speak or sing for a while after throat surgery. “What a shame” said millions of women and gay men and about three of their spouse
From Marc Ragovin “So W will be campaigning for Jeb in South Carolina. I hope for Jeb’s sake he shows more brotherly love than Eli Manning.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Louisiana jokes, manilow jokes, Mavericks jokes, Rubio jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 21, 2016
WR Josh Gordon, who was indefinitely suspended from the NFL for substance abuse violations involving marijuana and alcohol, has asked Roger Goodell for reinstatement. Of course had Gordon just beat people up to deal with his stress, he’d probably be on an active roster right now.
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Chip Kelly’s introductory press conference with Jed York and Trent Baalke was all warm and fuzzy this morning. Why did it feel a bit like watching the fourth wedding of some Hollywood star? #unrealisticdreams?
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Donald Trump, asked about Sarah Palin as a possible running mate “”I don’t think she’d want to do it.” Translation – “I’m crazy but not that bat-shit crazy..
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Who knows whether this next possible “storm of the century” will live up to hype or just be another cause of unnecessary panic in the D.C. area. At least the Washington Redskins have done their part by not giving residents a playoff game and traffic to worry about.
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So in Pakistan, the Taliban claimed responsibility for an attack that killed 24 at a university. Awful, but I’m confused, are the Taliban now bad guys we are supporting, or bad guys we are fighting?
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University of Florida CB Jalen Tabor was upset with football players not getting any pay other than a scholarship, food and some other benefits. So he tweeted “The SEC Made $527.4 Million in Total Revenue and Players Ain’t Get A Penny. Modern Form of Slavery.”
Now, all my friends know how much I “love” the SEC. But last I heard, no one trained hard and went through a very competitive voluntary recruiting process to become a slave.
So does the collapse in the price of oil mean that the GOP will no longer feel as compelled to invade every country that has it?
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A report says that at Mount St. Mary’s, a small Catholic university, president Simon Newson said this at a faculty meeting about struggling students and retention rates: Faculty “think of students as cuddly bunnies,” but they “just have to drown the bunnies…put a Glock to their heads.”
Proving once again, that a PhD and a lofty title is no guarantee against #cantfixstupid
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In New Orleans, a woman kept her gun under a pillow and it accidentally discharged last night, killing her 3-year-old grandson while the two were sleeping. #ifonlytheboywasarmed
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Wonder what the conspiracy theorists who think #Trump is in the race to help #Hillary make of the #Palin endorsement?
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Walmart says that all of their over a million workers will receive “at least” a 2% raise. Wow. So with that 20 cents or so extra an hour maybe they’ll be able to buy some of the store’s products.
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The Dow was down as much as 565 points today but ended up down only 264 points. So I think I’ve got this figured out, the drop was all Obama’s fault but any bounce had nothing to do with him.
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ESPN’S OTL reports that the NFL sent three top health and safety officers to challenge the NIH on their proposed study on football and brain disease, even though the league has denied involvement. “I am shocked” said nobody.
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The Virginia legislature just killed a bill that would have decriminalized adultery. Since they are just across the river from DC is this VA’s way of discouraging members of Congress from living in the state?
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg, “Caitlyn Jenner is writing her memoir about her transition to transgender. It will probably be a case of “He said/She said.”
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Tags: 49ers jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, storm jokes, Trump jokes
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November 7, 2015
So it’s headline news because “dozens of demonstrators in NYC are protesting NBC’s decision to allow Donald Trump to host SNL? “Dozens?” In California you can get more protesters in most towns over adding a single extra bike lane.
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Donald Trump says he has nixed some of the more “risque” skits tonight in SNL because he wants to stay ahead in Iowa. So the state and their “family values” matters that much to him? What next, will the Donald get a couple of his wives to campaign for him there?
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Ben Carson “Without Fox News we’d be Cuba.” Waiting for his first fellow GOP candidate to say “Well, without the cigars.”
Waiting for today’s crazy statement and thinking – maybe Ben Carson is just really tired of running for President?
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In Australia, paramedics reportedly no longer ask patients who the prime minister is, because since not enough people know the question doesn’t work for an accurate assessment of patients.
Well, in the U.S. they probably already know not to ask the name of say, the Vice President or a state’s senators.
(or in some states,” how many fingers do you see?”)
Charlie Hebdo is now being criticized by Russia and others for cartoons about the crash of the Russian plane in Egypt. Uh, yeah, it’s a tasteless thing to joke about – tasteless is what Charlie Hebdo does. They are surprised why?
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Ben Zobrist just named his new baby girl “Blaise Royal.” Hmm, probably a good idea Zobrist didn’t get traded to the Mets, Dodgers or Giants.
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For your weekend, or next weekend’s – tailgating edification – the quote of the day -“the benefits arising from the moderate use of strong Liquor have been experienced by all armies, and are not to be disputed.” General George Washington
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Students at an off-campus apartment near the University of Alabama have hung a banner before today’s game with LSU. “Finish What Katrina Started.” #stayclassy
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Kobe Bryant, 37, says he is never playing for another team “I’m a Laker for life/” Well, at this point, as if any other team would want him.
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Your warm and fuzzy story for the day. Three SFO security screeners were arrested on charges of defrauding the government and smuggling cocaine, allegedly allowing “certain passengers with narcotics in their carry-ons to pass through the X-ray machine without checking for security threats like explosives or weapons.
All three workers were contract workers of a private company named Covenant Aviation Security that contracts with TSA to provide screeners. But hey, they reduce costs. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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Visiting the east coast, staying up out of curiosity to see Trump on SNL,… It’s almost time for the show to start, and the AZ-USC game is heading to the 2nd quarter. And we wonder why Pac 12 teams get no love/respect?
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From Bill Littlejohn: “Vernon Davis was traded by the 49ers to the Broncos.That must be like going from being dumped by Lindsay Lohan and rebounding with Jennifer Lawrence.”
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From Alex Kaseberg “This Halloween, a kid came to our door dressed as Mets player, Daniel Murphy. At first he was a big hit, but then he kept dropping his candy.”
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Tags: Ben Carson jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, SNL jokes, Trump jokes
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August 13, 2015
Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.
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The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.
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Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.
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The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?
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Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.
And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”
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IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?
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The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.
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Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?
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Uh, #ESPN, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? #TigerWoods #PGA
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A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.
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So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”
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Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”
“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.
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Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.
From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: carly fiorinia jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Gore jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon jokes, San Francisco jokes, Sesame Street jokes, Tom Brady jokes
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December 20, 2014
North Korea wants to investigate the Sony cyberattack jointly with the U.S. and has threatened “serious consequences” if we refuse their offer. So will Obama’s counter demand to set the hackers loose on FOX News?
(and to be bipartisan about this joke, followed by MSNBC.)
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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.
Why there is no satire. Doug Amos, a local sports-talk radio host about the first ever Camellia Bowl tonight in Montgomery, Alabama between Bowling Green and South Alabama. “I thinks it’s going to be the biggest event Montgomery has ever seen. #yeshedid #facepalm
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Texas A&M has lost their top defensive football commitment. DT Daylon Mack, ranked as the #11 high school prospect by ESPN, says he has decommitted from the Aggies, and now may end up at LSU. Where no doubt if he doesn’t get enough playing time he will grumble about broken promises.
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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.
Roger Goodell told the Chargers, Rams and Raiders — each of whom thought they could file relocation applications for the 2015 season starting Jan. 1, that the earliest any team could move to Los Angeles would be 2016. And LA fans who watched the Raiders this year are thinking “Well, we dodged one bullet.”
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George Clooney has come out with a petition asking Sony to release “The Interview” and to stand up to extortion. Meaning two things: 1. George has the courage of his convictions. 2. He hasn’t written anything embarrassing in an email.
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NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in an interview that tanking is really a myth: “I absolutely don’t think any team is trying to lose.” So when did the commissioner get his prescription for medical marijuana?
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Khloe Kardashian has now apparently been linked to former Stanford and current NBA Robin Lopez. If true, we can title this one as a chapter of “Smart Men, Really Foolish Choices.”
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Michael Vick says he thinks Jameis Winston could be the NFL’s next big star. Well, the FSU QB has already gotten his first arrests out of the way..
from Marc Ragovin “The Federal Communications Commission has rejected a petition requesting that a Washington-area radio station be banned from using the word “Redskins” over the air because the name isn’t indecent. Guess the commissioners haven’t watched Washington game this year.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, football jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Obama jokes, Redskins jokes, Sony jokes
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December 13, 2014
Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.
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What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.
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Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” #sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit
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Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location
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#Lakers upset #Spurs. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for #Charmin. #KobeBryant
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Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.
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Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?
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Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to #Dodgers. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?
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Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.
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Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?
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I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. #sarcasm
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Tags: Bears jokes, Christmas jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Sony jokes
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December 5, 2014
NPR is reporting that due to intelligence about a possible planned terrorist attack on a passenger plane to Europe around Christmas, airlines are considering banning carry-on luggage on such flights. Of course, even if they determine the threat isn’t serious, airlines could do that anyway to get more checked baggage fees.
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A Nebraska Cornhuskers football player tried to take a selfie with a raccoon, which then bit him. So he killed the animal to have it tested for rabies. Shame he hadn’t tried a selfie with a bear. Would be one more live animal and one more Darwin winner.
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Ah technology. Since negotiations between Dish Network and CBS broke down, Dish subscribers abruptly were blacked out from all CBS programming, including non-cable shows. No doubt setting off an “Amazing Race” to the phones to complain to customer service.
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Rumors have it that #TimTebow is now “dating” one of the #Duggars (19 kids and counting) daughters. Which means the former NFL QB still isn’t scoring.
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Nationals OF Jayson Werth was found guilty of reckless driving and sentenced to 10 days in jail for driving 105 mph on the Capital Beltway. Washingtonians are stunned, when can you find space to get up to 105 mph on the Beltway?
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Sounds like last night’s show should have been titled #PeterPanDead #PeterPanLive
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The Columbia Lions have lost 21 straight football games. Today coach Pete Mangurian, who has been accused both of being abusive and of ignoring head injuries by 25 of his players, has resigned. Wonder if he was forced out for the alleged abuse, or for losing 21 straight games?
On Friday, Starbucks is opening their first “Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room” in Seattle, a 15,000 sq ft showplace where customers can watch “Reserve” beans being roasted, take classes, and of course, purchase premium beans, food and drinks. Translation, the perfect place for those who don’t think they are overpaying enough already for coffee.
Headline “FSU loses RB Williams for ACC title game.” Apparently he hasn’t been cleared after a concussion last week. Well, we knew it wasn’t academics or off-field antics. Then Williams would have been suspended for something like the first series of downs.
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A back to back item from Canadian comic Torben Rolfsen and Bill Littlejohn,, on Mickey Rourke, 62, making a pro boxing comeback in Russia by beating an opponent 33 years his junior:
Rolfsen “Don’t the San Antonio Spurs do that every week?” Littlejohn “I heard Mickey’s prize move was the Ali Shuffleboard.”
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Let the fun begin, (for SFGiants fans) the Los Angeles Times reported that Andre Ethier told the Dodgers he wanted to play every day in the outbound, and not go back to a 5-6 man rotation. But Either said this wasn’t a “play-me-or-trade-me ultimatum.” Sounds like same circus, same monkeys.
Commie pinko time:
Two SF police officers were convicted today of several felony counts each of stealing from criminal suspects. They had been charged with taking thousands of dollars found in searches of drug dealers. Of course, had they just shot the suspects….
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Yet more accusers coming forward about Bill Cosby. Although apparently these allegations have been around for quite a while. But it took a bit by a young black male comedian, Hannibal Burress, to really break the story. So maybe what we’re talking here isn’t so much racism, as sexism.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Duggars jokes, football jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, Starbucks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 5, 2014
George W.s’ daughter Jenna Bush Hager said in response to a question about her possibly fooling around in the White House: “You know maybe there was a little hanky-panky. There was like maybe a kiss on the roof.” Just guessing there won’t be any congressional aides telling Jenna to “show a little class.”
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ESPN headline “Tiger 11 behind leader Spieth.” 11 behind doesn’t sound great. But guess it’s better than saying it another way, that Tiger Woods is last in an 18 man field.
Eagles coach Chip Kelly, dismissing rumors he might jump back to the NCAA. “I don’t think our pro offense would work at the college level.”. So how much did his Oregon Ducks get paid anyway?
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A baby was born in Colorado that weighed 13 lbs, 13 oz. LSU coach Les Miles was about to offer the kid a scholarship until he learned it was a girl.
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It’s been reported that Warren Buffett donated $25,000 to Ready for Hillary, a Super PAC supporting Clinton for President. With all due respect, isn’t that about Buffet’s average income from a single one of his accounts for 15 seconds?
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Rand Paul is blaming Eric Garner’s death on the high NYC cigarette tax, because he says it’s driven cigarettes underground and “put our police in a dangerous situation with bad laws.” By that token how many deaths is he going to blame on drug and prostitution laws?
Ryan Leaf has just been released from a Montana prison after two years. Over-under on how long it takes him to get a call from the #NYJets?
The Washington Post is reporting that coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3. Still another option for the #NYJets?
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UAB – (University of Alabama – Birmingham), is eliminating football. Because we all know the state of Alabama doesn’t have enough money to waste on the sport….
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The Florida Gators have hired Jim McElwain from Colorado State with a reported 6 year contract. The deal includes a $7.5 million buyout, and $2 million for a future game that CSU will play in Gainesville. Given Gator fans’ expectations let’s hope McElwain is around long enough for that game.
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Rumor has it that the #SFGiants are interested again in Melky Cabrera. So guess they’re done crying over spilled melk?
So Anna Duggar, 26, “reality show star”, is pregnant with her fourth child in 6 years of marriage and it is “trending.” This is news because the young woman herself is famous for no other reason than that she married into a family with 19 children…. #Beammeupscottythereisnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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From T.C. – one for my male readers – “Pizza Hut is testing digital technology with an app that can predict what you will order by scanning where your eyes are looking at when you analyze their ‘electronic tablet menu’. Of course, it would always conclude that I want the waitress with the biggest boobs.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Duggar jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NY Jets jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
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November 26, 2014
This afternoon, most media outlets covered President Obama’s executive order pardoning two turkeys. So where’s the coverage of Ted Cruz’s opposing filibuster?
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Although Britain doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, stores and websites across the pond have started offering “Black Friday” sales. Good to know that the U.S.A. is exporting our traditional values around the world.
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So far, while hundreds of flights were cancelled, air travel was not as awful as expected with the today’s east coast storm. Making many travelers happy, while seriously disappointing others who were all ready to try not to giggle while telling relatives “sorry, just can’t make it this year.”
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Hmm, Stanford coach David Shaw thinks his team is “still an attractive team to a bowl”, because “fans have traveled to the last four bowl games.” True enough, but those were big BCS bowls. Wonder how many alums have the Cactus Bowl on their holiday wish list.
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A British man on a way to his honeymoon in Cuba got drunk enough on the plane that he first fought with his bride, then threatened the flight crew. So the flight landed in Bermuda, he was arrested, and his wife and the rest of the plane went on without him. Well, that’s getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry..
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Musical QB chairs time. The Jets are moving back to starting Geno Smith this Sunday. It’s all part of a complicated process for NY to aim for the #1 draft pick?
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A new billboard in Denver warns parents to keep marijuana candy and alcohol away from kids. Cool But can they add guns to the list?
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If the NFL REALLY wanted to give Americans a Thanksgiving turkey, wouldn’t the league have figured out a way to have a team from the NFL South play Thursday?
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Saints and Falcons tied for NFC South lead at 4 and 7. Could be first NFL division champion this year who wouldn’t be NCAA bowl eligible.
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Now there are rumors that RGIII is done as the Redskins’ QB. If true, how long until Washington gets a trade offer from the Jets?
A man whose backpack was stolen Sunday night in Berkeley discovered his credit card was being used to order a pizza a few hours later. He called the cops, the cops called the pizza place, delivered the pizza, arrested three men, and recovered the stolen property. #crooksreallyarestupid
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From Alex Kaseberg: “A woman in the crowd before last weekend’s Tennessee football game wept when Tim Tebow presented her with a piece of cake. Unfortunately for her, the cake was then intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bowl game jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFC South jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, turkey jokes
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November 6, 2014
Mitch McConnell claims that after last night’s election “The Senate is going to go back to work and actually pass legislation.” And somewhere Ted Cruz is just giggling.
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So how long until Mitch McConnell figures out that it is now his circus AND his monkeys? #Election2014
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Sounds like I posted too soon on the 2014 election fundraising emails ending. Just got the first asking for money for a recount. #itneverends
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Chris Christie says he will make a decision “sometime next year” on running for President. Well, not sure if he can beat Hillary Clinton. But Christie is proving to be her equal in being disingenuous.
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You think it didn’t matter if you voted? Right now the candidates vying for the last seat on Palo Alto City Council, candidates with very different views and “slates”, are separated by about 30 votes. In a city of almost 60,000 people.
Alex Rodriguez reportedly paid a cousin $1 million to keep quiet about his PED use. Well, that money worked out to be as good a value as the last few years of A-Rod’s own Yankees contract.
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Alfonso Soriano says he is retiring from major league baseball. Most fans are shocked. Soriano hadn’t ALREADY retired?
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November 5 was one of TWO National Doughnut Days. The other is the first Friday in June. Figures, not like Americans could stop at just one doughnut anything.
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A small plane with the banner “Fire John Idzik!” circled the NY Jets’ practice field for a short time this morning. Then the plane was presumably intercepted by another plane.
Ah, the holiday season is upon us. A Nebraska woman was arrested and charged with two felonies for allegedly hitting a fellow Wal-Mart shopper with her PT Cruiser last weekend, because the person took her parking spot in the lot.
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And no doubt many of these parents voted. A Louisville TV station is reporting a local teacher resigned when her Catholic school requested she take a precautionary 21-day leave AND produce a health note from her doctor, because parents raised concerns about her mission trip to Kenya. (Kenya is 3000 miles from West Africa)
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So according to her attorney the mother of Adrian Peterson’s son is happy with the plea deal and doesn’t want his career to be harmed by the child abuse case. Well, yeah, if for no other reason than she wants her child support.
The CMA awards tonight pre-empted ABC’s comedy “Blackish.” And co-host Brad Paisley said “If you were looking for Black-ish tonight, yeah, this ain’t it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy White-ish.” African Americans might have been offended. IF any of them had been watching the CMAs.
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Mark Sanchez says he is excited about his first start for the Eagles, which will be on next week’s MNF. Many Americans are excited too, some to see the Panthers win big, some to see Sanchez lead Philadelphia to a big win, and most just hoping to see another butt fumble.
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Newly elected Utah congresswoman Mia Love is a major rising star in the Republican party. with her anti-immigrant, anti-birthright citizenship and anti-welfare stances. The daughter of Haitian immigrants, however, also said in 2011, “My parents have always told me I was a miracle and our family’s ticket to America.” Love has also said her parents came on a tourist visa and stayed.
Makes sense she’s a GOP star. She’s proving a woman of color can be as much a hypocrite as a white man.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, CMA jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Mitch McConnell jokes, NY Jets jokes, Republican jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 