Posted tagged ‘Redskins jokes’

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries

A league of their own

March 10, 2017

Amtrak is demanding an apology from Washington Redskins. They are proving to be an insult to real train wrecks.

 

Brock Osweiler traded to the Browns. Well, at least Brock won’t have to deal with any more playoff pressure.

–

The Bears have released Jay Cutler and apparently the NY Jets may be interested #samecircusdifferenttent

–

KTVU reports Aldon Smith, hoping to be reinstated by the NFL to play for the Raiders in 2017, was reportedly “detained” for public intoxication when a driver of a car he was in ran into a police car. The driver was detained for alleged DUI.
At 8:30 a.m. Yeah, Smith is really turning over a new leaf.

–

Gotta say one thing for the Tim Tebow experiment. It does detract from the Mets other hitting problems.

–

MLB will have a special “Little League Classic” game played in Williamsport, PA (on a regular-sized field) on Aug 20 between the Pirates and the Cardinals. In hopes of reaching more children, the Sunday night game will start at 7pm ET.
Of course, if they REALLY wanted to have children tune in they could play the game in the afternoon.

–

Michael Jordan at half-time of the Duke-UNC had a verbal faux pas of sorts in saying “the ceiling is the roof.” But now the phrase has caught on and his Jordan brand will be selling “CEILING ROOF GOAT” t-shirts.
Wow. Even the man’s apparent air balls have a way of banking in..

–

–

A man caused a Hawaiian Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Honolulu to divert to Los Angeles when he got in an altercation with a flight attendant over having to pay $12 for a blanket.
Just wait until he tries to buy a mai-tai in Waikiki.

–

EPA Secretary Scott Pruitt says CO2 doesn’t cause global warming. Waiting for HHS Secretary Tom Price to say cigarettes don’t cause cancer.

–

The GOP/Trumpcare bill would make it illegal to use Medicaid at Planned Parenthood, even for STDs, pap smears, cancer screenings and contraception.
Once again, four words “Pro life my ass.”

–

Maybe liberals should agree all American should have guns, then we can march in to doctors’ offices & hospitals to demand free healthcare.

–

Now Senator Tom Cotton, usually a Trump ally, says the GOP should wait for the CBO report on their replacement of Obamacare and that the bill as written won’t pass.
A lot easier to complain about something than to fix it, isn’t it?

–

So if Arnold Schwarzenegger runs for Senate in 2018 will he run as a Republican or a Democrat?

–

–

A man who police report has a known history of psychological problems injured seven people today with an axe today at Dusseldorf’s main train station
Scary, but just think, if he were American he could have had a gun.

 

Paul Ryan “This is the closest we’ve been to repealing and replacing Obamacare. And let me just say it again. This is the closest we will ever get to repealing and replacing Obamacare,”
Maybe if the GOP had actually spent any of the last 8 years working on new healthcare policy rather than just voting to repeal the ACA….

Advertisement

Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Slip, sliding away

October 11, 2015

Give Chase Utley‬ credit, during the middle of football season he got a whole lot of U.S. sports fans talking about baseball ‪

–

Chase Utley suspended for two games. Might be safer than if Don Mattingly had dared to put him at Citifield in New York anyway  ‪

–

How much more perfect could it be if the NLDS series hero turns out to be Wilmer Flores? ‪

–

Not surprisingly, Mets fans tend to think Utley’s slide was dirty, Dodgers fans tend to think it was just good hard baseball.  So assume if Mets player injures Dodgers 2nd baseman Howie Kendrick with an Utley-like slide in game 3, LA will have no problem with it?

–

The ‪#‎Saints‬ may be interested in signing Chase Utley for defense. ‪#‎bettertackling‬

–

Houston ‪#‎Astros‬ were the lowest seeded team into the 2015 ‪#‎MLBPlayoffs‬. Lowest team in 2014? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

USC has apparently told coach Steve Sarkisian to take a leave of absence. Sort of like much of the Trojans football team has been doing all season?

–

Oregon’s football team has THREE losses? For some players it’s the first time they’ve had to count that high.

–

But okay, the Ducks might not even be the most disappointing football team in the Northwest  #SeattleSeahawks.

Apparently an increasing number of Canadians want to build a wall to keep Americans out. Maybe this is Trump’s grand plan. Not to win the presidency but to get the building contract.

–

Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill saying California schools will no longer be allowed to use “Redskins” as a mascot or team name. Professional teams aren’t mentioned, but, at least this won’t be an issue during the 2016 Super Bowl in Santa Clara.

–

A man was shot and seriously injured tonight in Arlington, TX, in a parking lot shared by the Rangers and Cowboys. A suspect is in custody with no further details. But just guessing he’s not one of those wacky Blue Jays fans.

–

Trump clearly is tired of Ben Carson getting all the headlines, saying today 200,000 Syrian migrants coming into the US “‘could make the Trojan horse look like peanuts if these people turned out to be a lot of ISIS”

–

President Obama said that John Boehner’s departure could worsen Congressional gridlock. You mean it’s possible to go slower than a dead stop?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 5 Comments

Trying to catch the crazy train?

September 3, 2015

John Kasich, who has a reputation for sanity: – “If I become president, I’m going to name it back to Mt. McKinley. This is not something we appreciate or agree with in Ohio.”
Then the Ohio governor added “The reason the mountain was named that way in my understanding is a guy was out there climbing, he saw this big peak, and he wanted to celebrate the achievements of President McKinley, so he named it Mt. McKinley.”
Uh, the guy who named it did so in 1896. When McKinley hadn’t even been ELECTED President yet. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

So in today’s ruling Judge Berman wrote that “Brady had no notice that such conduct was prohibited, or any reasonable certainty of potential discipline stemming from such conduct The Court concludes that, as a matter of law, no NFL policy or precedent notifies players that they may be disciplined (much less suspended) for general awareness of misconduct by others.”

The Saints called.. They want 2012 back.

–

A British study found that cats didn’t suffer from separation anxiety when their owners are gone. Not only that,, the felines didn’t feel the need to post cute human pictures on social media.

(And of course maybe it has nothing to do with separation anxiety.  Maybe cats just don’t like being studied.)

–

A poisonous 8 foot long King Cobra snake has escaped from a house in Orlando near Disney World. So all you thrill-seeking tourists, no need to wait in line for the Indiana Jones ride.

–

The wife of Redskins GM Scot McCloughan has apologized for tweets implying that an ESPN reporter had exchanged sexual favors for scoops. Well, give Washington credit, they never stop at just being embarrassing ON the field.

–

A judge has ordered Kentucky clerk Kim Davis to jail for refusing to issue gay marriage licenses. And the price for Davis’s future speaking fees to conservative groups keeps going up.

–

Whatever happens in the GOP primary this Donald Trump-Jeb Bush feud is entertaining.  And so mature.  Too soon to start a pool, on the first to accuse the other with “Liar, liar, pants on fire?”

–

Five Rutgers football players were charged yesterday for allegedly assaulting another student in April. They have been suspended from the program. So does it mean the Scarlet Knights are recruiting more than the average number of thugs? Or are the New Brunswick police less accommodating than those, in say, Tallahassee?

–

Now Donald Trump has indeed signed a pledge saying he would not run as a third party candidate. But no doubt Trump is thinking “Well, with the Greens, the Libertarians, etc, it would be at least a fifth or sixth party.”

–

It’s a funny game. Tonight the San Diego Padres scored as many runs in FIVE innings against the Dodgers bullpen (6), as the SF Giants did this week against the entire Los Angeles pitching staff in 3 games and 32 innings

–

Are these people trying to put the Onion out of business? The lawyer for Kim Davis: “Does that mean that if you’re Christian, don’t apply here; if you’re a Jew, you gotta get — what happened in Nazi Germany, what happened there first, they removed the Jews from government public employment, then they stopped patronizing them in their private businesses, then they continued to stigmatize them, then they were the ‘problems,’ then they killed them.” Yes, he said it.

–

from T.C.  “UCLA has suspended Ishmael Adams from the football team as he was arrested for robbing a Uber driver. He must be majoring in Rocket Science as Uber only takes payments via credit and debit cards.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Girls just wanna have fun?

August 30, 2015

Caitlyn Jenner is interested in dating a man to help her feel like a “normal woman.” Have news for her, in the Kardashian-Jenner clan, there are no normal women.

So will all those in the GOP trying to defund Planned Parenthood also sign a waiver that in case of illness they refuse to be treated with any vaccines or medicines that have come about as a result of fetal tissue research?

–

Josh Duggar will now apparently spend six months in a Christian rehab treatment program. Because that worked so well when he was a teenager?

–

“Butt dial” has been added to the OED. Some of us are old enough to remember that phrase might just have been an awkward synonym for “booty call.”

–

Chris Christie today said we can curb illegal immigration by tracking anyone who enters the country from the time they receive their visa, like a FedEx package.
Spoken like someone who’s never tried to track a lost FedEx package.

–

In Chatham, NJ, Jets center Nick Mangold quickly called 911 when he Iheard his car alarm and saw his garage door open. Police were able to get there in time to apprehend suspects thought to be responsible for almost 50 burglaries.
Posting this mostly because it’s nice to see an NFL player featured on the “good” side of an arrest story.

–

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump had a love fest interview. Makes sense. Each of them probably thinks the other makes them look a little less crazy.

–

A California couple got married in Oregon and had a smoke tent at their wedding, where a “budtender” offered guests a choice of 13 kinds of marijuana. Wonder if the wedding cake was topped with Doritos?

–

Rowan County Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis has been refusing to issuing marriage licenses to gay couples and says she objects to same-sex marriage for religious reasons. Now she wants the U.S. Supreme Court to grant her “asylum for her conscience.”
So, okay, if she’s that religious about marriage presume Ms. Clark also refuses licenses to couples sharing the same address (living in sin), those who have been married before, and those won’t swear an oath attesting to virginity?

–

The Raiders waived safety Jonathan Dowling today, for what they say were “maturity issues.’ Over-under on how long until Dowling gets offered a contract by the Redskins?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Let’s hope they don’t have to lower academic standards….

January 1, 2015

Looked last night like ‪#‎TCU‬ is just a little upset about being left out of the College Football playoff…

–

And Wisconsin, the team that lost 59 to 0 against Ohio State just beat Auburn. Tell me again about SEC supremacy?

 

Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett is out at Washington. During his 5-year tenure, the defense has finished a collective 29th in the NFL total yards and 30th in points per game. Talk about a job opening where there’s nowhere to go but up.

–

Gwyneth Paltrow, who “consciously uncoupled” from Chris Martin this year, now said in an interview “there are times when I think it would have been better if we had stayed married….” Two words for Gwyneth “nobody cares.”

–

Ndamukong Suh won his suspension appeal for twice stepping on Aaron Rodgers by saying his feet were cold and numb, and he couldn’t tell the difference between the QB’s feet and the ground.. So while he plans this week’s excuse has someone warned Suh that Dallas has a retractable roof?

 

Rex Ryan is apparently on the 49ers interview list as a possible new head coach. So Christmas may not be over for San Francisco area comedy writers.

–

Jed York doesn’t think the uncertain coaching situation all season with Jim Harbaugh was a distraction. So presume the reason that the 49ers are interviewing Rex Ryan is that York thinks the team might have performed better being distracted?

–

In the Southern California mountains over 150 people were rescued when a snowstorm caught them in their cars. And in the East Coast and Midwest that sound you hear is giggling.

–

Seattle DE Michael Bennett says that QB’s aren’t treated the same as other players. “If I get knocked to the ground, the referee just steps over me and says, ‘That’s part of the game.’ If Peyton Manning falls to the ground, the referee helps him get up. I thought everybody was equal, but that’s a lie.” And in related news, Bennett has just figured out that the Pope is Catholic?

–

UNC says they have fired a professor after a report found fake classes allowed over 3,000 athletes to inflate their GPS from 1993-2011. (She allegedly helped women’s basketball players enroll in the “courses”) Of course I am sure none of the other current faculty and athletic department had anything to do with this scandal. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

–

John McCain, who was censured by the Arizona GOP last year for being “insufficiently conservative” is apparently purging Tea Party opponents from state party offices. Every once in a while McCain reminds me of why I used to like him.

–

In Peachtree City, Georgia a woman is in critical condition and her police chief husband is on leave after he says he accidentally shot her twice. Bringing up the question again “How do you stop a good guy with a gun?”

(As my friend Jim Barach asked ?  “ccidentally” shot her twice? I guess he thought he missed with the first accident…”)

–

Chick-fil-A has reported a credit card breach at some of their restaurants. Okay, the sandwiches start at $3. Who uses a credit card at Chick-fil-A?

–

Three people were injured outside the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Eve when winds uprooted pop-up tents outside the stadium. And Stanford and USC fans alike could unite in thanking their teams for not putting them in that position.

–

Idina Menzel missed some high notes during her performance of “Let it Go” on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Times Square last night. Of course the wind chill made it 15 degrees. Who knew “Frozen” would turn out to be a documentary?

 

#‎RoseBowl‬ viewers who have never watched Oregon play before have to wonder, where do the ‪#‎Ducks‬ plug in their uniforms?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Threats and counterthreats

December 20, 2014

North Korea wants to investigate the Sony cyberattack jointly with the U.S. and has threatened “serious consequences” if we refuse their offer. So will Obama’s counter demand to set the hackers loose on FOX News?

(and to be bipartisan about this joke, followed by MSNBC.)

–

University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.

 

Why there is no satire. Doug Amos, a local sports-talk radio host about the first ever Camellia Bowl tonight in Montgomery, Alabama between Bowling Green and South Alabama. “I thinks it’s going to be the biggest event Montgomery has ever seen. ‪#‎yeshedid‬ ‪#‎facepalm‬

–

Texas A&M has lost their top defensive football commitment. DT Daylon Mack, ranked as the #11 high school prospect by ESPN, says he has decommitted from the Aggies, and now may end up at LSU. Where no doubt if he doesn’t get enough playing time he will grumble about broken promises.

–

University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.

 

Roger Goodell told the Chargers, Rams and Raiders — each of whom thought they could file relocation applications for the 2015 season starting Jan. 1, that the earliest any team could move to Los Angeles  would be 2016.   And LA fans who watched the Raiders this year are thinking “Well, we dodged one bullet.”

–

George Clooney has come out with a petition asking Sony to release “The Interview” and to stand up to extortion. Meaning two things: 1. George has the courage of his convictions. 2. He hasn’t written anything embarrassing in an email.

–

NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in an interview that tanking is really a myth: “I absolutely don’t think any team is trying to lose.” So when did the commissioner get his prescription for medical marijuana?

–

Khloe Kardashian has now apparently been linked to former Stanford and current NBA Robin Lopez. If true, we can title this one as a chapter of “Smart Men, Really Foolish Choices.”

–

Michael Vick says he thinks Jameis Winston could be the NFL’s next big star. Well, the FSU QB has already gotten his first arrests out of the way..

 

 

from Marc Ragovin  “The Federal Communications Commission has rejected a petition requesting that a Washington-area radio station be banned from using the word “Redskins” over the air because the name isn’t indecent. Guess the commissioners haven’t watched Washington game this year.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Milestones.

September 26, 2014

A lot of women around the world just don’t get the fuss over Derek Jeter’s retirement. Now, George Clooney getting married, that’s traumatic.

 

Chelsea Clinton has a daughter, Charlotte. And Fox News is already preparing a documentary on why the baby is the wrong choice for President in 2064.

–

Rand Paul said the U.S.is in a full blown crisis –a spiritual crisis…. I think we must do something our world often tells us not to do: Seek God. He also blasted President Obama as an arrogant “autocrat” who ignores the Constitution. Uh, Article VI of that Constitution – “no religious Test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.”

–

New Dbacks GM Dave Stewart has fired manager ‪#‎KirkGibson‬. Finally, revenge from that 1988 ‪#‎WorldSeries‬.

–

The $228 million Powerball winner in Northern California, Vinh Nguyen, was described as a “nail technician.” At this point the correct phrase should probably be “former nail technician.”

 

Apparently the Redskins were selling “expired” Budweiser beer last night at FedEx field from the 2014 World Cup. Guess Dan Snyder wanted beverages that matched the quality of his team on the field.

–

A new Michigan State study found that married couples who met online are three times more likely to divorce than those who met face-to-face. Possibly because many of those couples end up continuing to meet others on line?

–

True story from a United Airlines reservation agent dealing with an elite level flyer this morning with a cancelled flight from Chicago-O’Hare. “I’m sorry, but the airport is closed.” “Well then, put me on another airline.” ‪#‎facepalm‬

–

 

Chicago airports reported about 1950 flight cancellations Friday. In other words, it was just like an average winter day for JetBlue.

–

 

–

As all these pennant races come down to the wire, it must have been tough for MLB to pick headlines, after of course, Derek Jeter’s walk-off hit last night. And #2 was about Phil Hughes missing a $500,000 contract incentive by 1/3 of an inning. #3? “HOF thinks ahead for Jeter induction.” No joke.

–

The NFL said today it found no evidence that a video of Ray Rice punching his fiancée was delivered to its headquarters. Presumably on the alleged date, all the league executives were busy anyway, looking for O.J’s “real killer.”

 

So Hunter Pence drops a few, okay, several, F-Bombs, during his clubhouse speech last night. Derek Jeter sits tonight at Fenway and gives Red Sox fans the finger.

–

The AP is reporting that in April, a law enforcement official says he mailed the inside-elevator Ray Rice video to the NFL’s security chief, Jeffrey Miller… Next up for Goodell, attacking the credibility of the Post Office.

 

At the Value Voters Summit today, Sarah Palin ranted “Don’t retreat. You reload with truth, which I know is an endangered species at 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue.” Yeah, numbers, another construct of the liberal “lame-stream” media…..

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

We’re number 5, or 4? Or whatever.

September 26, 2014

The SF Giants clinched a playoff spot due to another Brewers meltdown.  So did they have Champagne mixed with Gatorade in tonight’s game cooler?

(Sure looked like it when the bullpen imploded in the 6th and 7th)

–

 

Nothing is certain but death, taxes and Tim ‪#‎Lincecum‬ against the Padres. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

–

Anyone easily offended, skip to the next item.  Anyone tired of vanilla clubhouse speeches, cover your children’s ears and listen to the Reverend Hunter Pence.  http://deadspin.com/we-now-go-live-to-hunter-pences-dirty-dirty-mouth-1639410347?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

 

–

Stay classy. Fox News’s panelist Eric Bolling asked yesterday if a female fighter pilot may be called ‘boobs on the ground. Well, a Fox News panel can certainly be called “boobs on the air.”

 

–

Anyone who has the attitude that Washington, D.C. is good for nothing, clearly isn’t a fan of an NFL team needing to get healthy.

 

–

Have to wonder with all this controversy over the Redskins name, would it be any different if Dan Snyder were less of an a**hole and the team were less of a train wreck?

–

Washington looked so overpowered tonight that out of habit House Republicans called for a Congessional Investigation against Obama. ‪#‎Redskins‬ ‪#‎Giants‬

–

So much for that ‘special relationship” between the U.S. and England. The Dolphins and Raiders are playing in London this Sunday. We couldn’t have sent over better teams, like say, Oregon and Florida State?

(My friend Jeff K. says  ” It’s a showcase game. Trying to see if England can take one of those teams off our hands and send them down to some international league.“)

–

A 6.2 earthquake hit near Anchorage, Alaska this morning. So will Sarah Palin blame this on the “lame-stream” media or Obama?

–

Alex Kaseberg says the earthquake was so strong it shook Sarah into a bookstore.

–

Mitt and Ann Romney are dropping hints that Mitt might run again in 2016. Perfect. Because Romney is like that ex who looks good from a nostalgic distance, until you start spending time with him/her again and get reminded why you dropped them.

–

Attorney General Eric Holder has resigned and says he will step down as soon as a successor can be confirmed by the Senate. This Senate?! Means Holder will probably be around through the end of President Obama’s term.

–

 

-The Orioles had clinched. So did Evan Meek groove a pitch to ‪#‎DerekJeter‬ ? ‪#‎Yankees‬

–

–

#‎ESPN‬ & ‪#‎RogerGoodell‬ seem hell bent on making Congress look credible by comparison.

–

At the University of Texas, new coach Charlie Strong has drug testing of football players on pace to double. This was reported by the Austin American-Statesman and presumably every SEC football recruiter.

 

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Our short national nightmare is over.

June 19, 2014

#Facebook was down for about 30 minutes Thursday morning. The horror. Millions of people were limited to looking at their own cats.

–

British Prime Minister David Cameron gave Chinese premier Li Keqiang a signed copy of the shooting script for the first episode of Downton Abbey as a souvenir of Keqiang’s visit to the UK. Wonder how long it will take China to come up with a show knock-off?

–

And so it begins, Grover Norquist suggests renaming the Redskins the Washington Reagans, What, not the Gippers?

–

My friend Jeff suggests the Washington Blamers. With a logo of a lot of pointing fingers.

–

John Kerry, on Dick Cheney’s recent criticism of Obama. “This is the man who took us into Iraq saying this? Please.’ If Kerry had fought back like that against the “Swift boaters” he might have had a chance to be elected President.

–

Former Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer, who appears to be running more for a TV job than President, in an interview on Eric Cantor “If you were just a regular person, you turned on the TV, and you saw (him) talking, I would say—and I’m fine with gay people, that’s all right—but my gaydar is 60-70 percent.” Oh please, oh please, someone ask Schweitzer about Marcus Bachmann.

–

So the San Antonio Spurs have a dominating win in the NBA Finals and all the talk is about – what will Lebron and the Heat do next year? #Americalovestrainwrecks

–

Who says I never say anything nice about George W. Bush?. At least the former President hasn’t added his name to the GOP chorus criticizing Obama on Iraq.

–

Apparently Harrison Ford suffered a broken leg, not an injured ankle as previously reported, on the set of the latest “Star Wars” sequel. Good thing he wasn’t working on a remake of “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?”

–

So what’s the difference in this year’s World Cup between Spain and England? About 24 hours.

–

England is now close to being out of the World Cup. To put this in perspective for Americans, it’s like the USA being eliminated in the first round of the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

–

In Wisconsin, prosecutors are alleged that Gov. Scott Walker was at the center of a nationwide “criminal scheme” with people like Karl Rove to illegally coordinate with outside conservative groups. If true, clearly this must be Obama’s fault.

–

New GOP majority leader Kevin McCarthy started a deli business with money he won in the lottery when he was 19. Makes sense. winning the lottery is one of the paths Republicans now figure poor people should use to get ahead.

–

KTVU achieved national infamy earlier this year over a prank involving alleged Asiana pilot names.  Monday night, a KTVU reporter doing a live story on a woman who was robbed in Oakland, CA left her purse in a nearby unlocked van.  And the purse, of course, was stolen. Hope no one tries to get her read the names of suspected thieves on the air.

(Susan Marie H. asks “Was the reporters name Dora Notloc, Norma Coach, Greta Klue, or Ima Stoopid?)

–

A seriously cool story.  Somewhere, Tony Gwynn is smiling. Good luck to Addison Reed.

http://msn.foxsports.com/arizona/story/d-backs-reed-quits-tobacco-out-of-respect-for-gwynn-061714

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 5 Comments

The Blame in Spain

June 18, 2014

And the pain in Spain, comes mainly from the game.

–

Who knew. #USA likely to be alive longer in the #WorldCup than #Spain?

 

–

Dick Cheney today called Obama “dangerous,” and said that foreign leaders had told him they believe the president secretly supports anti-American organizations. “Foreign leaders” confiding in Cheney? Even Donald Sterling may be thinking the former VP is delusional.

–

 

#JohnnyManziel signed a four-year $8.2 million deal with the Cleveland Browns, with $6.7 million guaranteed. Hope all this money doesn’t go to his head.

–

Stacy Lewis, the #1 ranked women’s golfer in the world, says she “isn’t a fan” of 11 year old Lucy Li playing in the U.S. Open. “If it was my kid, I wouldn’t let her play in the U.S. Open qualifier at 11, but that’s just me.” Why, because Lewis doesn’t want Li embarrassing older golfers?

–

Family values story for the day. Five members of a Vermont clan showed up with knives on their belts at an New Hampshire amusement park. And they all ended up in jail after they allegedly attacked police who told them they had to leave the knives outside. If only the family had been armed.

 

 

In Palm Beach, a former porn-star is running for school board after he lost the ability to advertise his math-tutoring business when parents found out about his earlier career.  Ah Florida.   If this guy had a past as a gun-runner maybe that would have been okay?

 

–

Not 100% sure how I feel about this Redskins name thing, because I’m not very PC. But if you absolutely want to talk insulting and racist, how about the Tomahawk Chop? Not only offensive but more irritating than the wave. (And yes, I know the Braves stole it from the Florida State Seminoles, but that’s a different post.)

–

The best thing about today’s Redskins patent ruling. Whatever side you’re on, it opens the door to all kinds of parody t-shirts, etc. Should be fun to see American ingenuity and twisted humor in action.

–

Okay, while we’re at it. The Florida State Seminoles have gotten a pass because they have the support of the Seminole Tribe of Florida, which runs gambling casinos in the state. But 75% of Seminoles live in Oklahoma, and they apparently don’t like the nickname. So is FSU next? Maybe they could be the “Crab Legs”

–

A New Jersey high school is looking for a mystery hacker who broke into the school’s computer system and changed grades and attendance records. And Silicon Valley firms are looking for the kid to hire him.

–

Okay, it’s officially time for the #SFGiants to put an ad on Craigslist for an exorcist.

–

Although, would #Dodgers and #Kershaw like to thank the #SFGiants for tiring the #Rockies hitters out in the late innings last weekend?

 

From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “What a strange time it is when the 2 most powerful people in professional sports are V. Stiviano and whoever runs the US Patent and Trademark Office.”

 

 

From Marc Ragovin ”  hear General Motors has a new training film for new hires: Total Recall”

 

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

What’s in a name?

May 22, 2014

50 U.S.Senators sent a letter to the NFL saying it was time for the league “to endorse a name change for the Washington, D.C. football team.” Of course the team could change from the derogatory “Redskins” to the even more derogatory “Senators.”

 

 

After her breakup with Rory McIlroy, Caroline Wozniacki said on Twitter today “It’s a hard time for me right now.” And around the world, millions of men are thinking “I could help.”.

–

Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett was arrested for being drunk and belligerent with police at Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bar yesterday afternoon. Will Jarrett claim it was because he had a wide drinking stance?

–

Today’s #SFGiants Rockies game was suspended in the 6th due to weather. Will be made up when the Giants return to Denver in September. Since that’s after trade deadline and call-ups, will be interesting to see how many of the same players are still on the same teams…

 

–

At June’s San Diego County Fair, attendees will be able to buy a Krispy Kreme triple cheeseburger. Presumably it comes with a side of Beta Blockers?

–

 

A video has surfaced of an Easter sermon from “Duck Dynasty”‘s Phil Robertson “Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” Can’t wait for Robertson’s next appearance with some of Louisiana’s members of Congress. Especially Senator David Vitter.

–

Boston Red Sox pitcher Felix Doubront says he bruised his left shoulder by bumping into a car door. Was he on his way to wash his truck at the time?

–

(My friend JL suggests  “Baseball players should have a writer they can go to to make up believable excuses when they hurt themselves doing something that would get them fined by the team.”.   I see a new business opportunity.)

 

–

Mother of 19, Michelle Duggar, 47, says she has gone to a fertility doctor,if there are things physically I need to know, that I need to do, health-wise just to be ready to catch a baby if God saw fit to give us one..” And God is thinking “When I said ‘go forth and multiply’ I didn’t mean exponentially.”

–

Miley Cyrus denied Jennifer Lawrence’s story that Cyrus told a very drunk Lawrence to “get it together” at a post-Oscars party. Makes sense, who would ever believe Miley Cyrus would tell ANYONE to get it together?

–

In Virginia, a 2nd-grade teacher was arrested for allegedly being drunk while trying to teach his class. In his defense will he say he was pretending to be a pilot?

–

–

Prince Fielder is now expected to have season-ending fusion surgery to repair a herniated disk in his neck. The Texas Rangers aren’t a baseball team, they’re an episode of “Survivor.”

–

From Bill Litttlejohn:  “Witnesses say that Mitch ‘Wild Thing’ Williams ordered a beaning in a Little League game.The kid tried, but still threw the ball over the batter’s head and into the backstop””

–

So with NBA playoffs that seems to go on forever, the next game is…Saturday night? Is the league trying to become as irrelevant as American Idol?

–

There were no NBA playoff games tonight in either the Eastern or Western Conference. And the league is thinking, how many more off days do we need before we can stretch the postseason into, say, August?

 

 

What’s more surprising? That the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke’s stretch of 21 straight starts of allowing two or fewer runs ended, (a record that hasn’t been matched in 100 years)? Or that it ended against the NY Mets?

–

From Marc Ragovin;  “I’m not saying the Mets are drawing small crowds this year, but the other day a few fans at Citi Field started doing “The Ripple.”

–

So despite all the uproar about Mark Cuban’s comments about bigotry, this is what he actually said, “”I mean, we’re all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it’s late at night, I’m walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street, there’s a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I’m walking back to the other side of the street.” Strikes me as the most honest thing we’ve heard out of any NBA owner.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Another five bite the dust

December 31, 2013

Five NFL coaches fired already as of  today. They’re dropping faster than Taylor Swift’s boyfriends.

–

Dwayne Wade recently became a father for the third time. But not with the fiancee he proposed to last week. The baby was conceived while he and Gabrielle Union were “on a break.” Kind of explains the 8.5 carat engagement ring. (Wonder if Dwayne got it from Kobe Bryant’s jeweler.)

–

Bus to hell time:  Mack Brown’s final game as coach of the Longhorns was Monday’s bowl in San Antonio. And Oregon’s 30-7 win was somehow fitting. Don’t Texans always get slaughtered at the Alamo?

–

–

Temperature in Green Bay Monday, -19. So “who’s got it better than us?”  might refer to whoever sells long thermal underwear to the SF 49ers team and staff.

–

Wonder how many people who were traveling or otherwise busy Sunday saw the ESPN headline “Cowboys lose on late pick” and thought “Wow, so Romo was able to play after all?”

–

Mike Shanahan was fired Monday morning as coach of the Washington Redskins. An announcement almost as surprising as Brian Boitano coming out as gay.

–

The city of NY is suing FedEx Corp for $52 million in fines and taxes, saying the company illegally delivered millions of untaxed cigarettes from an Indian reservation to customers. While we’re on the subject of smokers, should be an interesting year for FedEx shipments from Colorado and Washington….

–

On January 1, Colorado will legalize marijuana sales. But pot will still be banned at Denver International Airport. Bummer. That might have been one way to keep travelers mellow with TSA, boarding and luggage issues etc.

–

Two suicide bombings yesterday in Volgograd, Russia, only 400 miles from Sochi. And suddenly Vladimir Putin is thinking an Olympics marred only by gay rights protests doesn’t sound too bad.

–

A “Price is Right” contestant was thrilled to be the show’s biggest winner ever – winning an Audi R8 black convertible worth $157,300. Do wonder how thrilled she’ll be when she gets the tax bill…..

–

Applebee’s Times Square branch is offering a $375 per person New Year’s Eve dinner and party. Which includes food and drink but not a view of the ball drop. $375 for Applebee’s? That’s about as good a value as 50 yard-line tickets for the Washington Redskins.

Miley Cyrus will perform on ABC’s “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”  Wonder how many Americans New Year’s resolutions will include not watching her.

Following on the Target news, now it looks like hackers have swiped credit card information from NY and SF sandwich chain ‘wichcraft. This latest breach occurred between Aug. and Oct. of this year. What’s scarier though… how many of these breaches do we not know about? (yet)

–

A recent Pew poll found that only 43% of Republicans believe in evolution, down from 54% in 2009. And 48% believe that “all living things have existed in their present form since the beginning of time.” Would love to be a fly on the wall when these folks take their kids to commie pinko places like the Museum of Natural History….

–

or as my friend Jerry Perisho says   “One-third of Americans reject evolution. What a bunch of Neanderthals!”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Romo, romo, where art thou, romo?

December 30, 2013

Image

Thanks to Jeff Klein for the picture.

–

And thanks to Kyle Orton for the great fourth quarter Tony Romo imitation.

–

If consistency is a virtue than the #Cowboys are a truly Godlike team. #eliminatedagain   (Three .500 seasons in a row.)

–

Cowboys should have put in Jon Kitna?

–

But worst of all for Cowboys fans?  They face the additional heartbreak of not being able to blame it on Tony Romo.

–

Congrats to the Chargers. But if it takes a missed 41 yard FG , (and a missed defensive penalty on the attempt) , and then an OT FG to win against a KC Chiefs team that rested 7 starters including their QB…. well, thinking their SD fans might not have to worry about tickets for week 2 of the playoffs.

–

Drew Brees, 381 passing yards. Peyton Manning. 266 passing yards. Each with 4 TD passes in the first half. Brees added a rushing TD in the second. Unlikely they both make it to Metlife, but if so and the game isn’t played in a blizzard, might be the highest Super Bowl total score in history.

–

Peyton Manning broke Drew Brees’ NFL record for most passing yards in a single season (5,476) today in Oakland. Should the record have an asterisk since it was against the Raiders?

–

Rex Ryan and Geno Smith will apparently both be back with the NY Jets next year. Not sure if this will be good news for Jets fans, but it should be for comedy writers.

–

Detroit finished off their late season collapse on a consistent note, with their 4th loss of the month (and 6th in their last 7 games.) This December these Lions couldn’t have even beat the Christians.

–

The Redskins are expected to fire Mike Shanahan after today’s game. Thereby creating a job opening with the approximate same chance of success as mediating peace in the Middle East.

–

So have to wonder, if “Paula’s Best Dishes” and “Paula’s Home Cooking” had the ratings “Duck Dynasty” has, would Paula Deen still have her TV gig?

–

A man who was mugged in Central Park this weekend that the mugger took money, but looked disgustedly at his flip phone, and gave it back to him. Yet another reason to carry, if not a flip phone, a Blackberry.

–

Kanye West apparently told fans at his Toronto concert this weekend that he plans to keep his opinions to himself for a while. “Might be another, like, six months. At least. You’re just gonna have to run back the interviews and s–t if you wanna hear some realness.” Promise?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

The Winter of our Discontent?

December 23, 2013

Pope Francis apparently warned Vatican administrators that they need to focus on service instead of bureaucratic squabbling. Can the Pope come over here and give that message to Congress?

–

If football was like hockey, a three-period game, the #DetroitLions would be printing playoff tickets.

–

Who’d a thunk this one. The NFC North is actually making the NFC East look decent.

—

So did that many people who were offended by Phll Robertson’s comments ever watch #DuckDynasty in the first place?

–

ESPN reports that their is “concern internally” that entire Dallas Cowboys coaching staff may be fired after the season. After yet another year dealing with Jerry Jones, is it concern or hope?

–

Both the #NYJets and #NYGiants win on the same day. Hoping we don’t see any more signs of a coming apocalypse.

–

Rex Ryan reportedly told his team Saturday night that he was getting fired. Sunday the Jets beat the Browns 24-13. Not sure if the players were trying to bolster their coach or if they were celebrating.

–

Can understand how some Native Americans feel insulted by a team with a “Redskins” nickname, but the way this season is going have to assume a lot of ranchers are equally insulted by “Cowboys.”

–

The New Orleans Saints on Sunday once again proved that the number one oxymoron in football is the “prevent defense.”

–

–

Republicans are now trying to argue against Obamacare by saying it will saddle young people with the medical expenses of older, sicker Americans. Uh, as if they aren’t already paying with Medicare?

–

Justine Sacco, the former IAC PR executive who was fired over an insensitive and stupid tweet about AIDS wrote a long careful apology and sent it to a South African paper. Shame she didn’t think about the original Twitter message one-tenth as long as she did about the apology.

–

Texas A&M suspended freshman linebacker Darian Claiborne following his arrest on two drug possession charges. And Aggie fans are thinking “at least Johnny Manziel wasn’t with him.”

–

From my friend Abbe Nelson “What is that saying??? Does a bear shit in the woods, or does a Bear play like shit in Philadelphia?”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

It’s the most munchie-fun time of the year?

December 16, 2013

Pennsylvania police arrested a Florida man after a traffic stop after they found 20 pounds of marijuana in boxes wrapped as Christmas presents. Well, who’s to say the boxes weren’t Christmas presents?

–

Fox NFL announcers before 49ers-Buccaneers game Sunday in a gray Tampa. “There’s no sunshine in the Sunshine State. Temperatures are 70 degrees and falling.” And no doubt East Coast viewers are all thinking “just STFU.”

–

In-N-Out Burgers has indicated they do not want to expand to the East Coast. This is bad news for both East Coast residents and any of their under-employed cardiologists.

–

Former MLB player Ryan Freel, who reportedly had 9-10 concussions while he played, and who committed suicide last year, reportedly suffered from CTE. No doubt Bud Selig will address this with all the dedication he showed on the steroid issue.

–

Joan Fontaine, 96, died today. Perhaps she went to Manderley again?

–

The Dallas Cowboys blew a 23 point lead today. To paraphrase a Horace Walpole quote – “A tragedy to those in North Texas, a comedy to those who live everywhere else.”

–

Monte Kiffin is making his son Lane look good.

–

As TC says “Good news Cowboy fans, “Everytime Romo throws a pick, an angel gets their wings”.

–

Apparently the Saints decided to take a bye week. Or at least a bye three quarters. #gladitsnottheplayoffs

–

The Miami Dolphins upset the New England Patriots 24-20. So the question of the day “WWGB?” Who will Gisele blame?

–

Not the Onion. Larry Pratt, president of Gun Owners of America, said the problem in America is overly restrictive. “Every one of our mass murders in our country has occurred in places where guns were prohibited. The legislation that is on the books is lethal. It is killing people. All of these gun free zones are murder magnets. We’ve simply got to get rid of them.” Hey, guns on airplanes, in schools, in theaters, what could possibly go wrong….?

–

John Kerry said Kim Jong Un is “reckless” and “insecure.” What was his first clue?

–

Journey guitarist Neal Schon and former “Real Housewives of D.C.” star Michaele Holt Salahi wed in a Pay-Per-View ceremony in San Francisco Sunday. Proving it was possible to show something less relevant than the Redskins-Falcons game.

–

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan isn’t planning to resign and according to ESPN sources “actually would like to return to Washington next season as long as he can run the organization the way he wants.” I think we have a better chance for world peace.

–

Apparently all four GOP candidates for lieutenant governor in Texas think that public schools should teach creationism. Not sure about creationism but these folks are not doing much for the theory of “intelligent design.”

–

So much fuss over a picture. But for different reasons we can I think be thankful that “selfies” weren’t a phenomenon when either W. or Bill Clinton was President.

(and btw, since some friends have asked, the explanation from the photographer of the Obama and friends picture…. http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/11/selfie-of-obama-was-misinterpreted-photographer-says/?_r=0)

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

I’m dreaming of a white Santa?

December 13, 2013

Megyn Kelly missed her own show last night after ‘white’ Santa and Jesus comments. Thinking maybe somebody got put on the cosmic “naughty’ list.

–

Regarding Megyn Kelly’s “Santa is white” line, hard to top Jon Stewart’s analysis: “And who are you actually talking to?” Children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 o’clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real — yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn’t white?”

–

Even if “affluenza” is a description, it’s no excuse for spoiled entitled behavior by the rich. But the diagnosis also might be a good way to describe when wealthy people have a complete aversion to any sort of tax hike.

–

Just wondering, will be covered under Obamacare?

 

 

–

Ted Cruz is apparently running for President in 2016. This is great news, for comedy writers.

–

So in North Korea would the Army Navy game be a version of the Hunger Games?

–

MLB will ban home-plate collisions when runners are trying to score. And the Chicago Cubs are thinking “what are they talking about?”

 

Move over “God is Testing Me” RGIII, there’s a new winner in the perspective bowl: Kanye West – “I’m just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally. And if I slipped … You never know. And I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like ‘Wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.’”

 

Robinson Cano said he left NY because “I didn’t feel respect. I didn’t get respect from them and I didn’t see any effort.” The Yankees offer, $175 million over seven years. How do I get disrespected like that?

-..

Strange to have some bipartisan accord this Christmas in Washington. But for fans of train wrecks, at least there’s still the Redskins.-

–

According to FlightStats, more than 9% of arrivals from January through November of this year for American, JetBlue and United were more than 45 minutes late. Shocking. Over 90% of flights were allegedly LESS than 45 minutes late.

–

Apparently only the shooter himself is dead in a Colorado High School shooting this morning, following upon several stabbings in the parking lot after the Broncos game last night. But what’s going on? Is Colorado making a last minute push to beat out Florida, Arizona or Texas for “Crazy State of the Year??

 

 

Notre Dame has readmitted Everett Golson, and he will be able to play next year. The QB was suspended from the school this fall for “poor academic judgment” (i.e. cheating on a test.) No doubt the Fighting Irish took Golson’s admission of guilt and contrition into account, that and the team’s four loss season.

–

From Bill Littlejohn:  “A U.S. Congress bipartisan agreement  on the budget has been reached,preventing a shutdown of everything signifigant in Washington, D.C. except Robert Griffin III”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 3 Comments

Decisions, decisions.

December 11, 2013

The stories out of Austin keep changing by the hour. Texas football coach Mack Brown was retiring, then he wasn’t, then he is, then he’s staying, then he’s leaving…. Even Brett Favre is impressed.

–

Although the male cheerleader didn’t actually trip the player, Oklahoma State announced they will discipline the student who extended a foot as one of the Oklahoma Sooners celebrated his end-of-game touchdown. Wonder if the young man has been offered a job with the Pittsburgh Steelers?

–

Paul Ryan and Patty Murray said they have reached a bipartisan budget deal, which would prevent another government shutdown. Well, this weather in DC may be inconveniencing many but seems like there are benefits to Hell freezing over.

–

A missing group of 2 adults and 4 children who went off to “play in the snow” have been found alive and in “good condition” in Nevada after being lost for two days. It’s good news, but maybe next time they get this idea the family should head to a ski resort? Or a mall with a snow making machine?

–

Aaron Hernandez, writing to a pen “friend” from prison. “I really enjoy my days. It’s not that bad, honestly.” Seriously? Maybe Hernandez figures it’s better than say, having been traded to the Redskins.

–

 

 

Uruguay’s Congress just voted to become the first country to legalize selling and growing marijuana. Can you say a new high for the Uruguay tourist industry.

 

Apparently over 200,000 people have signed up with a Dutch company potentially to be the first settlers to colonize Mars. Though to be fair, have to wonder how many of those signups were done by folks who secretly volunteered relatives or in-laws?

–

Dear Gawd. Now George Zimmerman’s girlfriend is recanting her 911 call and gun story. Saying that she both wants to drop charges and get back together with him. If the police allow this can they add a condition that the two never leave the state of Florida? Crazy might be contagious.

–

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said today he still has confidence in defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin. Right, like Pat Haden said this Sept. of Monte’s son ” I’m behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him….”

–

At Nelson Mandela’s memorial President Barack Obama shook hands with Cuban President Raul Castro. Mandela would be proud. And maybe it’s an early Christmas present – Obama has given Fox News material for a week.

–

So it begins. Sen. John McCain likened Obama’s handshake with Raul Castro to shaking hands with Adolf Hitler. Saying “Why would you shake hands with someone who’s keeping Americans in prison.” Uh, so exactly with how many countries would McCain advocate cutting off our relations?

–

 

But really, all this commotion about Cuba. Americans can travel to Vietnam, Russia, China and even Iran. Not to mention a number of ridiculously repressive regimes around the world. Maybe it’s time to stop worrying about electoral votes in Florida? Besides, two words that might make even conservatives smile about a thawing in relations – Cuban cigars.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Snow place like home field?

December 9, 2013

NFL powers that be have to be wincing at all these awful games played in wintry weather today. Good thing it never snows in New Jersey in February.

 

Urban Meyer and his Ohio State Buckeyes have to be really disappointed that they aren’t heading to Pasadena. That Alamo Bowl swag just doesn’t sell for as high a price as the Rose Bowl stuff does.

 

After some of these calls recently, thinking maybe they fired the replacement refs because they were too good.

–

For those asking, how can that be pass interference on the #Browns? Easy, they violated 11th commandment. Thou shalt not stop St. Brady.

–

A near miracle in Pittsburgh. Had the Stanford band only been around to keep Antonio Brown in bounds.

–

Washington coach Mike Shanahan apparently quit at the end of the 2012 season. As opposed to his team who apparently quit soon after the beginning of this one.

The Redskins are becoming the NFL equivalent of one of those Big 10 or SEC scheduled cupcakes.

(Dinur Blum comments that Tennessee Chattanooga resents the comparison to the Redskins.)

–

Drew Brees has just gone over 50,000 yards with the #Saints. And in San Diego some Chargers fans are just sobbing.

(for non-NFL fans, the Chargers had Brees, but let him go in 2005 in favor of Philip Rivers.   And for that matter the Miami Dolphins passed on Drew too, thinking he wouldn’t come back from shoulder surgery.)

–

On a positive note…. assuming this little thing called New Jersey weather cooperates, a Super Bowl featuring Peyton Manning and Drew Brees would be really fun to watch. Two of the best and classiest QBs in football.

–

 

The 35 bowl matchups are out. But it’s just not the same without the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl.

–

USC will play Fresno State in the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl.  SC Offensive coordinator Clay Helton will coach,  since  interim coach Ed Orgeron quit after Steve Sarkisian was chosen to coach next year.

So if USC wins, Helton might go down in Trojan history as the program’s only undefeated coach.

–

A man trying to fly from Lafayette, Louisiana to California with a layover in Houston fell asleep on the first United Express flight, and woke up on a locked, empty plane after the flight crew had disembarked. Maybe he didn’t pay his “deboarding announcement” fee?

–

 

It was cold enough that the were expecting snow in Las Vegas this weekend. Maybe proving the rightness of those in the GOP who said Hell would freeze over before the Obamacare website started working.

–

Brett Favre’s been offensive coordinator for Oak Grove High School in Mississippi this year. And last night his team won the state title. So suppose we only have to wait about six months for Brett to decide if he’s coming back to coach next year.

–

Sad, but sounds like he’s in contention for a Darwin: 23 year-old college student in San Antonio Texas was fatally shot by a campus cop after he was pulled over for erratic driving and an altercation ensued. A witness said his last words were a sarcastic “Oh, you’re gonna shoot me?’ (Open note. Do not say those words in Texas, Florida, etc….)

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Final, Final Last Chances…

October 15, 2013

Really? Email Monday from a vendor “Final Day to Shop Our Columbus Day Sale.” But presumably tomorrow is the “First day to shop the Halloween Sale”.

 

So while we’re on the football team name game… In these PC times is it only due to the fact that New Orleans’ team now is pretty good, that we haven’t heard a protest from the Catholic Church?

–

Idea for President Obama to get bipartisan agreement during a tough time in Washington, D.C.: Appointing Dan Snyder to some symbolic but meaningless position which would still require Snyder to sell the Redskins.

–

In Berkeley, Seattle, and other U.S. cites, Columbus Day is Indigenous Peoples’ Day. But no matter how P.C. this country gets, however, it will probably never spread national-wide. Especially since most Americans can’t spell “Indigenous.”

–

Harry Reid said Monday a deal was near to end the shutdown. Maybe someone told Ted Cruz to stay home because no one would be negotiating on Columbus Day?

 

Got to love announcers saying that an 0 2 hole in ALCS or NLCS would mean series was basically over. Guess it’s been so long in MLB  since a team climbed out of a two-game hole…

 

–

A backup dancer who dressed up as a teddy bear for Miley Cyrus’s MTV performance is now saying that being “on that stage, in that costume was one of the most degrading things I felt like I could ever do.” Uh, presumably less degrading than a costume where anyone could actually see her face and recognize her.

–

Arkansas AD director Jeff Long has been named the first chair of the College Football Playoff selection committee. Someone from the SEC, I’m shocked, shocked…..

 

Tried to buy red wine from United flight attendant. “Sorry, we only have white.”. Okay, then,  fine. Pay the man and he hands me a chilled mini-bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

–

Scientists have found traces of a chemical similar to methamphetamine in Craze, a pre-workout sports supplement. Wonder if the company claims the product was originally designed by a high school teacher?

 

Greg Schiano, coach of the 0-5 Tampa Bay Bucs “The only thing I can say to the fans is, if they can hang in there, we’re going to be good.” Not sure if he’s right, but Schiano has just been named an honorary Chicago Cub

 

Macy’s will open some stores this Thanksgiving at 8pm. The bad news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families. The good news, this will keep many Americans from spending time with their families.

–

A Massachusetts High School senior volleyball player lost her captain’s title and was suspended five games after she drove to pick up a drunk friend at a party where students were drinking. (Despite a police officer’s vouching for her being sober.) Wrong on so many levels, but why do I think this wouldn’t have happened to the captain of the football team?

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Any given Sunday

October 13, 2013

saints saintssaintsIn New Orleans. Where they do love their football team….

saints

Although, up four points, 10 seconds left,  no timeouts for the Patriots….  Why not line up six men on the goal line, five at the five, and dare Brady and company to break through?  Just sayin’

–

At this point finding replacement name for the Washington Redskins will have to be some inanimate object. Because the team is playing in a way that would be an insult to any real or mythical creature.

–

The baseball Gods do not apparently approve of pulling a dominant starting pitcher who has thrown only 108 pitches #Redsox #Tigers

–

Things fell apart for the Tigers so fast Sunday night, Giants fans had to wonder, did Leyland give Scherzer the game ball?

–

–

Though if the Red Sox been shut out again would Bud Selig have declared a moratorium on post-season PED testing?

–

Marc Ragovin “I guess you can say that the Red Sox won game two of the ALCS by the hair of their chinny chin chins.”

‘-

The #Jets look to be joining the #Yankees, #Mets and #Giants in a campaign to give NY sports fans a choice: Hockey or basketball?

–

GM Brian Cashman denied reports he would prefer to have A-Rod suspended than have the Yankees pay him $24 million last year. And he said it with a straight face.

–

A Teapartier today at the so-called “Million Vet March” demanded that President Obama “leave town, put the Quran down, get up off his knees, and figuratively come out with his hands up.” Charming. Wonder why the same guy isn’t demanding that Ted Cruz go back to Canada.

–

Rand Paul said that President Obama should not be using scare tactics about raising the federal debt ceiling. Right, add “the U.S. paying bills on time” to the list of commie pinko liberal concepts.

–

–

I think I’m beginning to understand the narrative: When President Obama compromises with the GOP, he’s a spineless wimp.  When he stands his ground, he’s an arrogant wanna-be dictator.

–

Only unhappy football fans in Denver Sunday night. Anyone who bet the 28 point spread. #Jagssuckbutnotthatmuch

–

SF Giants fans are happy the team didn’t make the rumored trade of Javier Lopez to Detroit. Tigers fans tonight, not so much.

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

« Older Entries