Posted tagged ‘Rory McIlory jokes’

Gone but not forgotten…

September 28, 2014

The Empire State Building tonight featured blue and white pinstripes in honor of Derek Jeter. The worst thing now that Jeter has finally retired? New Yorkers have to turn their attention to the Jets.

And yes, I know it’s about being the face of a franchise.   But the sad thing, MLB has paid much more attention to the retirement of Derek Jeter than to the death of Tony Gwynn.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers finally won a game today. And the 2008 Detroit Lions and 1976 Bucs presumably popped some cans of generic beer.

Teddy Bridgewater, who took over for injured Vikings QB Matt Cassell, left today’s Minnesota win with a sprained ankle. “I’m available, I’m available” said Brett Favre.

Wonder what the ‪#‎NFL‬ record is for scoring by a team without using the offense? ‪#‎Eagles‬ ‪#‎49ers‬.

The NFL is trying hard to build their brand in England. And today’s game will help in one way. – even casual British sports fans will know the ‪#‎Raiders‬ s*ck.

Rory McIlroy led Europe to another Ryder Cup win today. McIlroy is looking unstoppable, as long as he doesn’t cheat on a woman who knows how to handle a golf club.


Have to wonder how good the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ could have been had they just pushed the ‪#‎panik‬ button earlier this year.


Okay, really, glad she’s okay. But how many people could type “Jennifer Lopez” and “rear-ended” in the same sentence without giggling?


Would just one of these Republicans saying that we need “boots on the ground” to fight ISIS volunteer to fill a pair of those boots?

More stuff you can’t make up. English version: the UK Sunday Mirror reports a leading Conservative minister, Brooks Newark, resigned over having exchanged explicit photos with someone he thought was a “20-something Tory PR woman”, but turned out to be a male reporter. Newark, a married father of five, had been heading up “Women2Win” – the Prime Minister’s drive to get more women in politics….

Okay, who had the last undefeated teams in the ‪#‎NFL‬ in 2014 being the ‪#‎Cardinals‬ & ‪#‎Bengals‬? Now all you liars lower your hands.

Worst part of tonight’s ‪#‎NOvsDAL‬ game is ‪#‎JerryJones‬ looking like a genius for firing ‪#‎RobRyan‬


The pain, the pain.

May 25, 2014

Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.

Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”

Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?

A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.

Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.

Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.


Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year


Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?



Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?



And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?


What’s in a name?

May 22, 2014

50 U.S.Senators sent a letter to the NFL saying it was time for the league “to endorse a name change for the Washington, D.C. football team.” Of course the team could change from the derogatory “Redskins” to the even more derogatory “Senators.”



After her breakup with Rory McIlroy, Caroline Wozniacki said on Twitter today “It’s a hard time for me right now.” And around the world, millions of men are thinking “I could help.”.

Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett was arrested for being drunk and belligerent with police at Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bar yesterday afternoon. Will Jarrett claim it was because he had a wide drinking stance?

Today’s #SFGiants Rockies game was suspended in the 6th due to weather. Will be made up when the Giants return to Denver in September. Since that’s after trade deadline and call-ups, will be interesting to see how many of the same players are still on the same teams…


At June’s San Diego County Fair, attendees will be able to buy a Krispy Kreme triple cheeseburger. Presumably it comes with a side of Beta Blockers?


A video has surfaced of an Easter sermon from “Duck Dynasty”‘s Phil Robertson “Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” Can’t wait for Robertson’s next appearance with some of Louisiana’s members of Congress. Especially Senator David Vitter.

Boston Red Sox pitcher Felix Doubront says he bruised his left shoulder by bumping into a car door. Was he on his way to wash his truck at the time?

(My friend JL suggests  “Baseball players should have a writer they can go to to make up believable excuses when they hurt themselves doing something that would get them fined by the team.”.   I see a new business opportunity.)


Mother of 19, Michelle Duggar, 47, says she has gone to a fertility doctor,if there are things physically I need to know, that I need to do, health-wise just to be ready to catch a baby if God saw fit to give us one..” And God is thinking “When I said ‘go forth and multiply’ I didn’t mean exponentially.”

Miley Cyrus denied Jennifer Lawrence’s story that Cyrus told a very drunk Lawrence to “get it together” at a post-Oscars party. Makes sense, who would ever believe Miley Cyrus would tell ANYONE to get it together?

In Virginia, a 2nd-grade teacher was arrested for allegedly being drunk while trying to teach his class. In his defense will he say he was pretending to be a pilot?

Prince Fielder is now expected to have season-ending fusion surgery to repair a herniated disk in his neck. The Texas Rangers aren’t a baseball team, they’re an episode of “Survivor.”

From Bill Litttlejohn:  “Witnesses say that Mitch ‘Wild Thing’ Williams ordered a beaning in a Little League game.The kid tried, but still threw the ball over the batter’s head and into the backstop””

So with NBA playoffs that seems to go on forever, the next game is…Saturday night? Is the league trying to become as irrelevant as American Idol?

There were no NBA playoff games tonight in either the Eastern or Western Conference. And the league is thinking, how many more off days do we need before we can stretch the postseason into, say, August?



What’s more surprising? That the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke’s stretch of 21 straight starts of allowing two or fewer runs ended, (a record that hasn’t been matched in 100 years)? Or that it ended against the NY Mets?

From Marc Ragovin;  “I’m not saying the Mets are drawing small crowds this year, but the other day a few fans at Citi Field started doing “The Ripple.”

So despite all the uproar about Mark Cuban’s comments about bigotry, this is what he actually said, “”I mean, we’re all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it’s late at night, I’m walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street, there’s a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I’m walking back to the other side of the street.” Strikes me as the most honest thing we’ve heard out of any NBA owner.