Posted tagged ‘Detroit Lions jokes’

Hot and cold

October 18, 2015

So the temperature in New York is under 40 degrees at game time tonight. Maybe they were right when they said hell would freeze over before the Cubs got close to another World Series again.

If this keeps up even LGBT New Yorkers will be hugging Daniel Murphy ‪#‎NLDS‬ ‪#‎Cubs‬ ‪#‎Mets‬

The Detroit Lions won their first game today. So presumably the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and 2008 Detroit Lions Teams broke open a case of generic beer.

Apparently fire alarms were pulled around 530a on the two floors of the Seattle hotel where the Carolina Panthers were staying. So sounds like the 13th man might be a hotel employee?

Not that it worked to help the Hawks though. Seattle may well not get back to the postseason with their fourth loss and late-blown lead of the season. But they are looking like the undisputed “winner” to fill in the blank of an old joke.
“Whats the difference between the ‘blank’ and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.”

Hard to believe watching their game that the ‪#‎Ravens‬ & ‪#‎49ers‬ were in the Super Bowl against each other only three years ago.

The Steelers’ Cam Heyward was fined $5,787 for wearing eye black to honor his late father Craig “Ironhead” Heyward last week, but he chose to wear it again. No doubt the league will fine him again, this sort of thing distracts from all their official approved uniforms available for sale on NFL.com

In Australia, a man went one year without sex to raise money for charity. Hmm, this could make Silicon Valley the philanthropy capital of the world.

The Orlando Sentinel is reporting on a “marijuana epidemic” in college football. Uh, one, if it’s an epidemic, it’s been going on for decades. And two, “epidemic” generally means those who have symptoms want to be cured.

Michigan’s AD is calling for fans to lay off the punter who fumbled at the end of the game yesterday resulting in a last second MSU game. Makes sense, one, he’s a kid, two, he’s not the one who called plays that in 4 downs couldn’t run 1 minute and 47 seconds off the clock. (Spartans had and used only 1 time out.)

In Chicago, a 6-year-old boy fatally shot his 3-year-old brother playing “cops and robbers.” The father told police he bought the gun to protect his family. So I guess he should have armed the toddler too?

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg.   “Donald Trump claims he would have stopped 9/11. Apparently he would have hired the terrorists and then they would have had to declare bankruptcy.

The Winter of our Discontent?

December 23, 2013

Pope Francis apparently warned Vatican administrators that they need to focus on service instead of bureaucratic squabbling. Can the Pope come over here and give that message to Congress?

If football was like hockey, a three-period game, the #DetroitLions would be printing playoff tickets.

Who’d a thunk this one. The NFC North is actually making the NFC East look decent.

So did that many people who were offended by Phll Robertson’s comments ever watch #DuckDynasty in the first place?

ESPN reports that their is “concern internally” that entire Dallas Cowboys coaching staff may be fired after the season. After yet another year dealing with Jerry Jones, is it concern or hope?

Both the #NYJets and #NYGiants win on the same day. Hoping we don’t see any more signs of a coming apocalypse.

Rex Ryan reportedly told his team Saturday night that he was getting fired. Sunday the Jets beat the Browns 24-13. Not sure if the players were trying to bolster their coach or if they were celebrating.

Can understand how some Native Americans feel insulted by a team with a “Redskins” nickname, but the way this season is going have to assume a lot of ranchers are equally insulted by “Cowboys.”

The New Orleans Saints on Sunday once again proved that the number one oxymoron in football is the “prevent defense.”

Republicans are now trying to argue against Obamacare by saying it will saddle young people with the medical expenses of older, sicker Americans. Uh, as if they aren’t already paying with Medicare?

Justine Sacco, the former IAC PR executive who was fired over an insensitive and stupid tweet about AIDS wrote a long careful apology and sent it to a South African paper. Shame she didn’t think about the original Twitter message one-tenth as long as she did about the apology.

Texas A&M suspended freshman linebacker Darian Claiborne following his arrest on two drug possession charges. And Aggie fans are thinking “at least Johnny Manziel wasn’t with him.”

From my friend Abbe Nelson “What is that saying??? Does a bear shit in the woods, or does a Bear play like shit in Philadelphia?”

Saving the Hubble telescope

May 8, 2009

On Monday NASA will launch a rescue mission to repair the aging Hubble telescope.  Just how old is the Hubble?  For the last few years the telescope has been orbiting earth with its left blinker on.

ESPN hired Matt Millen, fired as the Detroit Lions general manager after an -0-16 season,  as an expert football analyst.

Isn’t hiring Matt Millen now as an football analyst like hiring George W. Bush to teach English.

or

Isn’t hiring Matt Millen as an expert football analyst like hiring Bristol Palin to preach abstinence?

 

Brett Favre sent an X-ray of his shoulder to the Minnesota Vikings.  The Vikings will decide whether or not to make Favre an offer based on the report from the paleontologist.

In an interview this week Joe the Plumber referred to gays as “queers” and said he doesn’t want his children around them.  Well, I guess he’s not sending the kids to Catholic school.