Posted tagged ‘Sony jokes’

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Threats and counterthreats

December 20, 2014

North Korea wants to investigate the Sony cyberattack jointly with the U.S. and has threatened “serious consequences” if we refuse their offer. So will Obama’s counter demand to set the hackers loose on FOX News?

(and to be bipartisan about this joke, followed by MSNBC.)

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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.

 

Why there is no satire. Doug Amos, a local sports-talk radio host about the first ever Camellia Bowl tonight in Montgomery, Alabama between Bowling Green and South Alabama. “I thinks it’s going to be the biggest event Montgomery has ever seen. ‪#‎yeshedid‬ ‪#‎facepalm‬

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Texas A&M has lost their top defensive football commitment. DT Daylon Mack, ranked as the #11 high school prospect by ESPN, says he has decommitted from the Aggies, and now may end up at LSU. Where no doubt if he doesn’t get enough playing time he will grumble about broken promises.

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University of Florida QB Treon was arrested for allegedly driving a car without a license, and apparently he has never had a driver’s license. Makes sense, passing the test is probably a lot harder than getting into Florida.

 

Roger Goodell told the Chargers, Rams and Raiders — each of whom thought they could file relocation applications for the 2015 season starting Jan. 1, that the earliest any team could move to Los Angeles  would be 2016.   And LA fans who watched the Raiders this year are thinking “Well, we dodged one bullet.”

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George Clooney has come out with a petition asking Sony to release “The Interview” and to stand up to extortion. Meaning two things: 1. George has the courage of his convictions. 2. He hasn’t written anything embarrassing in an email.

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NBA commissioner Adam Silver said in an interview that tanking is really a myth: “I absolutely don’t think any team is trying to lose.” So when did the commissioner get his prescription for medical marijuana?

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Khloe Kardashian has now apparently been linked to former Stanford and current NBA Robin Lopez. If true, we can title this one as a chapter of “Smart Men, Really Foolish Choices.”

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Michael Vick says he thinks Jameis Winston could be the NFL’s next big star. Well, the FSU QB has already gotten his first arrests out of the way..

 

 

from Marc Ragovin  “The Federal Communications Commission has rejected a petition requesting that a Washington-area radio station be banned from using the word “Redskins” over the air because the name isn’t indecent. Guess the commissioners haven’t watched Washington game this year.”

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Hack a thon.

December 19, 2014

President Obama said he thinks Sony “made a mistake” in yanking “The Interview.” Adding “We cannot have a society in which some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States.” Yeah, we’ll leave that to nutcases on local school boards.

 

 

A lot of studios are upset by the Sony hacking and resulting cancelled premiere of “The Interview.” Universal Studios is most upset that North Korea didn’t hack “47 Ronin.”

 

GOP Sen Mark Kirk of lllinois says he is going to have a fundraiser during a screening of the “The Interview” Proving the power of the North Korean hackers – they have actually caused a Seth Rogen movie to be used for a Republican fundraiser.

As my friend Joe C says “Wow. Does Satan need an ice pick? Snowblower? Ice skates”

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Outgoing MLB commissioner Bud Selig will be paid $6 million annually in retirement. Makes sense, baseball is the one sport that specializes in long-term guaranteed contracts to people who have long outlived their value.

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After back-to-back World Series, Jake Peavy is back with SF Giants. Did someone tell him this is an odd-numbered year?

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QB Jay Cutler said it has “crossed his mind” that he has played his final games with the Bears. But then presumably that thought was intercepted

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Only good thing about all these holiday e-cards from businesses you don’t really care about is that you can hit delete instead of tossing them in the recycling bin.

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At this point wouldn’t it be faster to hear from the models and actresses who worked with Bill Cosby and don’t claim to have been sexually assaulted by him?

 

Staples has just announced that over a million customer cards have been compromised by hackers this fall. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for the chain to change their slogan in 2014 to “Make More Happen”?

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Sometimes in the U.S. we think we have a monopoly on sexist a**holes in political office. But tonight I give you, Brazil. Where during a debate on sexual violence, opposition congressman Jair Bolsonaro told congresswoman Maria do Rosario Nunes he would not rape her “because she was not worth it.”

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The ‪#‎LADodgers‬ may not have won the World Series, but they do have the new title – MLB’s biggest spenders, with a 2014 payroll of $257,283,41. ‪#‎Youdontalwaysgetwhatyoupayfor‬

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn : They couldn’t stop the Thursday night game between the 2-12 Jaguars and the 2-12 Titans from being shown on national TV?Where are those North Korean ‘The Interview’ hackers now that they’re really needed?’

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Bear-ly there?

December 18, 2014

Chicago Bears safety Chris Conte said he ‘would rather have the experience of playing and, who knows, die 10, 15 years earlier than not be able to play in the NFL and live a long life.” Many fans who watched MNF this week hope the Bears grant Conte’s wish and trade him to an NFL team.

 

Of course in this country you are innocent until proven guilty. But Ray McDonald, released by the SF 49ers this morning, may be this year’s NFL winner of the “Worst handing of a second chance” award.

 

 

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The Orioles’ Chris Davis, suspended last year for 25 games for Adderall, now has a prescription for the drug. According to the Baltimore Sun, 112 exemptions were issued for ADHD in 2014. Out of 750 MLB players. And the percentage of US adults with ADHD? About 4%. ‪#‎nocomment‬

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The USA & Cuba have apparently agreed to re-establish diplomatic relations. While tourist travel will still be limited to “educational activities,” government and family trips, Americans will be allowed to return with up to $400 of goods from Cuba. Many Cuban-Americans are upset. Many other Americans are wondering where they can buy cigars.

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So will the first American ambassador to ‪#‎Cuba‬ be Arnold Schwarzenegger?  Or Bill Clinton?

 

Well, that didn’t take long. Marco Rubio is already attacking President Obama’s decision to start normalizing relations with Cuba: “It’s absurd and it’s part of a long record of coddling dictators and tyrants that this administration has established” Surprised Rubio didn’t follow that with “and if I’m elected President, I promise to only coddle leaders in places like Saudi Arabia.”

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Well, at least ‪#‎HunterPence‬ won’t be the only character left in the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ clubhouse next year. ‪#‎SergioRomo‬ has re-signed with the team.

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Romo’s contract is for 2 years,  $15 million. Which means the  ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are still paying him less in 2015 than the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ are paying ‪#‎BrianWilson‬

 

Really? Prince William is taking a bit of heat in the British press for saying to a young hairdressing trainee that maybe she “could help out with Kate’s hair, because it’s such a nightmare.” Uh, what woman doesn’t think her hair is a nightmare?

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The University of Michigan has offered Jim Harbaugh a 6 year $48 million contract to be their football coach. So given Harbaugh’s record both of success and getting along with people, this should work out to about $12-16 million a year.

 

Sources have told the U.S. that North Korea hacked SONY. Shocking. Who knew North Korea was actually capable of hacking anybody?

 

Okay, I know I’m cynical… but have to wonder. Is “The Interview” movie bad enough that cancelling its premiere weekend just saves Sony the embarrassment of a flop. (And stimulates enough curiosity for later viewings and DVD sales?)

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Once and future king.

December 14, 2014

george

Many think Prince Charles should have just married Camilla in the beginning, and saved himself and others much grief. On the other hand, his otherwise disastrous marriage to Diana does appear to have improved the gene pool. (And the look of the future British currency and stamps.)

 

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Bryce Harper didn’t show up today at the NatsFest fan festival, apparently because of a grievance over a dispute over the Nationals star wanting to opt-out in 2015, the last year of the 5-yr $9.9 million contract he signed as a rookie. Harper, who is represented by Scott Boras, said he was “was unable to attend this year’s event due to matters out of my control.” Uh, that’s a clown statement, bro.

 

 

 

On Saturday night, the Senate approved a $1.1 trillion spending bill and sent it to the President for his signature. Because heaven forbid differences large and small should stand in the way of what’s really important – getting Congress home for their Christmas vacations.

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#Whythereisnosatire. Ted Cruz wants to shut down the government again over immigration and Obama’s “illegal amnesty.” And yet, this is a man who was born in Canada and whose Cuban father made it to the U.S. when “a lawyer friend of my father basically bribed a Batista official to stamp my passport with an exit permit.”

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In New York, 10 people were indicted over selling bogus airline tickets to about 200 people, and leaving many of them stranded at airports. Really, what were they thinking? Stranding people at the airport is the airlines’ job.

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Looks the the people who are happiest about the new “Exodus: Gods and Kings” moves may be anyone involved with either “Ishtar” or “Gigli.” ‪#‎newworstmovieever‬?

 

As the unveiled Sony emails become more and more embarrassing, one good thing is no doubt Americans in future will be much more careful about what they type and post. ‪#‎notachance‬ ‪#‎slowlearners‬

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Will Muschamp, less than two weeks after being fired at Florida, accepted a job as defensive coordinator at Auburn, and said “I’m just a ball coach.” And Gator fans said “Don’t flatter yourselves.”

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No serious football Saturday except the Heisman trophy presentation. Which means ESPN et al could focus on the countdown to Johnny Manziel’s start tomorrow.

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You know it’s been a down year for the ‪#‎SEC‬ when a ‪#‎Pac12‬ player actually wins the ‪#‎Heisman‬ ‪

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Pigs are flying. This quote tonight on the spending bill “Before Congress starts handing out Christmas presents to the megabanks and Wall Street…., we need to remove these risky derivatives that aren’t even necessary for normal banking purposes and would only make future taxpayer funded bailouts more likely.” Elizabeth Warren? Nope,  GOP Louisiana Senator  David Vitter.

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Surprise package.

December 13, 2014

Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.

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What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.

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Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” ‪#‎sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit

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Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location

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#‎Lakers‬ upset ‪#‎Spurs‬. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for ‪#‎Charmin‬. ‪#‎KobeBryant‬

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Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.

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Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?

 

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Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to ‪#‎Dodgers‬. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?

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Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.

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Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?

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I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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