Posted tagged ‘cosby jokes’

Proof is not in the pudding?

December 31, 2015

Bill Cosby has been released on $1 million bail after being arrested on a 2004 sexual assault charge. Looks like it’s going to be a long trial of “He Said – “She She She She She She She She She She Said.”

 

ESPN reports that Cal quarterback Jared Goff will announce tomorrow that he will enter the NFL draft. Of course, if Goff ends up with the SF 49ers it may be a lateral move.

If there was any doubt that Stephen ‪#‎Curry‬ should be leading the ‪#‎NBA‬ ‪#‎MVP‬ vote at this point, the Warriors removed it Wednesday night against Dallas.

Johnny Manziel apparently reported to on Wednesday with “concussion-like” symptoms and is being evaluated. So he could miss the Browns’ final game Sunday. Hmm, am I the only one who wonders about the similarity between symptoms of concussions and hangovers?

Chip Kelly is gone, but 49ers head coach says “I’m going to coach until somebody tells me I’m not.” Too soon to start a pool…?

About 20 passengers on an Air Canada flight from China to Toronto were injured by turbulence today. Want to bet at least 19 of them decided they didn’t need to be wearing their seatbelts?

The FAA is investigating after Alaska Airlines accidentally landed a plane on a taxiway instead of a runway at Seattle Airport. Damned Apple maps.

Lots of talk about Colin Kaepernick and where he will be next year, but as one analyst said, with that kind of arm there will always be some team that thinks they can fix him. So basically Kap has become the football equivalent of a left-handed pitcher.

“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch is fighting extradition back to the United States. Hmm, so how much do we have to pay Mexico to keep him?

Authorities are sending ‪#‎Affluenza‬ mom Tonya Couch back to the U.S. where she faces up to 10 years for helping her son escape. While Ethan himself is looking at only 120 days for a probation violation. Why do I get the sense he’ll end up doing something to reunite himself with mom in jail in no time?

Microsoft has a new “selfie” app – which “takes age, gender, skin tone, lighting, and many other variables into account, applies different models automatically and finishes enhancement with just a single click.” So it’s supposed to IMPROVE your picture; clearly this is aimed at a generation with little experience of Windows.

Rand Paul is attacking Chris Christie, saying the Gov.has spent “219 days outside of New Jersey” (in 2015), even though he “signed a law requiring NJ public employees to be residents and spend majority of their time there.”
To be fair, maybe most residents of New Jersey prefer it when Christie is out of state.

 

Reserve Alabama cornerback has been sent home from the Cotton Bowl by Nick Saban for a “violation of team rules,” Proving once again that coach Saban can be a strict disciplinarian. As long as a reserve player and not a starter is involved.

Now for a serious thought, for a change.  Re Clinton and Trump: No one including me is denying that Bill Clinton is a tomcat and has behaved badly over sex. But there is a difference to my mind between Bill’s zipper problem and Trump’s flat-out insulting and hateful attitude towards women – “all of the women on “The Apprentice” flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” And calling a woman lawyer who needed to take a break to pump breast milk “disgusting.”

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Just say anything?

July 20, 2015

Bill Cosby, in a deposition claimed he was good at reading nonverbal clues. “I think I’m a pretty decent reader of people and their emotions in these romantic sexual things…”

Although beginning to seem like a nonverbal clue to Cosby was “Hello.”

The NY Mets managed to win Sunday 3-1 in 18 innings after going 1-26 with runners in scoring position and leaving 25 runners on base. And Phillies fans are thinking “You can GET 25 runners on base?”

What ever happened to that “It never rains in California” stuff. Two rainouts on Sunday, for Padres AND Angels. And Dodgers happy they were in a place with great summer weather like Washington, D.C.

 

Rainout in ‪#‎SanDiego‬? It may not be freezing over, but Hell has to be pretty soggy.

Sunday was “National Ice Cream Day.” Making tomorrow “National ‘Who shrunk my pants?’ Day.

Three-time surfing world champion Mick Fanning was unharmed after being attacked by a shark during a competition in South Africa. Glad he’s okay. But have to wonder if any surfing officials are thinking “Hmm, a couple more near misses with sharks and our ratings will skyrocket.”

A “Deflategate” ball used in the AFC championship sold at auction for $44,000. And somewhere Brady may be thinking “For that much money I’ll let the air out of several more and sign them.”

Online headline at USAToday.com “Amateur and Spieth Chasing History at British Open.” And a lot of fans who have mostly only paid attention to Tiger Woods are going “I think I’ve heard of Jordan Spieth but what’s Amateur’s first name?”

Anyone but me REALLY want to see Donald Trump head down to San Antonio and tell Texans that the men at the Alamo weren’t heroes?

Many in the GOP field are defending John McCain against Donald Trump’s attacks. Wonder where they were during the “Swiftboating” of John Kerry.

 

Many San Francisco Bay Area women were happy to see Sunday night’s news report on the record breaking weather. Not that we liked the very warm humid temperatures, but it was a relief to know the day wasn’t one big long hot flash.

Scott Walker Sunday on if being gay is a choice. “I mean, to me, that’s, I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to that question.” This is also the man who said he was going to “punt’ on the question of evolution and that he didn’t know if Obama was a Christian.

But the Wisconsin Governor wants to be President because he says Americans need “fresh, new LEADERSHIP.”

Home Field advantage for the NL – Dodged. Or rather, Dodgered.

July 15, 2015

All those Los Angeles fans who were originally claiming that Clayton Kershaw wasn’t on the NL All Star team. Who knew, most of them were Angels fans with delusions of World Series /home field advantage grandeur?

Now there’s no Major League Baseball for two more days. So the whole country gets to see what it’s like to be Phillies fans.

 

Tiger Woods, rejecting retirement rumors at a news confererence at St. Andrews: “I know some of you guys think I’m buried and done, but I’m still right here in front of you.” Well, through Friday anyhow.

 

After Brittney Griner filed for annulment 28 days after their marriage, fellow WNBA player and soon to be ex-wife Glory Johnson is now asking for $20,000 a month in spousal support.
So yeah, who’s to say gay marriages aren’t equal to “straight” marriages? ‪#‎messy‬

There were fortunately no injuries when a British woman crashed her car into the back of a van while, as the Daily Mail put it, “pleasuring herself with a vibrator.” Hmm, seems like maybe there’s a potential extra-cost option to be added to those self-driving cars.

 

Another rant:  After the tragic murder of a young woman in SF, GOP House members are blasting the Obama administration. And they are working on legislation to prevent detained illegal immigrants with criminal records from being released in future.

Okay, fine. Now, while they’re at it, Kathryn Steinle was shot with a gun that had been stolen from a Federal agent earlier in the week. How about legislation to require tracking devices in guns similar to cellphones, which would also prevent murders from happening.

 

Scott Walker – “The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas — things like the minimum wage.”

Well, yeah, if Americans would just start out for say, $1 an hour, there’d be no problem with unemployment or off-shoring jobs….

 

How bad does it have to be with Bill Cosby when his wife Camille is DEFENDING him by saying his alleged victims “consented” to taking drugs and having sex with him.

 

 

The Oklahoma GOP posted this on their FB page Tuesday..
“The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”
Thus ends today’s lesson in irony ?‪#‎OKGOP‬

Wednesday the post was taken down. Thus ends today’s lesson in thinking before you post on social media. ‪#‎cantfixmean‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

And back to the sport rants.

An Oakland As season ticket holder has filed a class-action lawsuit to force Major League Baseball to extend the safety netting at its ballparks the entire length of the foul lines, saying there are 1,750 injuries a year now at games.

Okay, 162 times 15 (30 teams playing each other) is 2,430 games. Plus an large number of playoff games. So less than an injury a game. But how many fans now enjoy getting foul balls at games? How many of those injuries are serious? How many involve cellphones? And last but not least, how much do the fan’s lawyers hope to make out of this?

Hack a thon.

December 19, 2014

President Obama said he thinks Sony “made a mistake” in yanking “The Interview.” Adding “We cannot have a society in which some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States.” Yeah, we’ll leave that to nutcases on local school boards.

 

 

A lot of studios are upset by the Sony hacking and resulting cancelled premiere of “The Interview.” Universal Studios is most upset that North Korea didn’t hack “47 Ronin.”

 

GOP Sen Mark Kirk of lllinois says he is going to have a fundraiser during a screening of the “The Interview” Proving the power of the North Korean hackers – they have actually caused a Seth Rogen movie to be used for a Republican fundraiser.

As my friend Joe C says “Wow. Does Satan need an ice pick? Snowblower? Ice skates”

Outgoing MLB commissioner Bud Selig will be paid $6 million annually in retirement. Makes sense, baseball is the one sport that specializes in long-term guaranteed contracts to people who have long outlived their value.

After back-to-back World Series, Jake Peavy is back with SF Giants. Did someone tell him this is an odd-numbered year?

QB Jay Cutler said it has “crossed his mind” that he has played his final games with the Bears. But then presumably that thought was intercepted

Only good thing about all these holiday e-cards from businesses you don’t really care about is that you can hit delete instead of tossing them in the recycling bin.

At this point wouldn’t it be faster to hear from the models and actresses who worked with Bill Cosby and don’t claim to have been sexually assaulted by him?

 

Staples has just announced that over a million customer cards have been compromised by hackers this fall. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for the chain to change their slogan in 2014 to “Make More Happen”?

Sometimes in the U.S. we think we have a monopoly on sexist a**holes in political office. But tonight I give you, Brazil. Where during a debate on sexual violence, opposition congressman Jair Bolsonaro told congresswoman Maria do Rosario Nunes he would not rape her “because she was not worth it.”

The ‪#‎LADodgers‬ may not have won the World Series, but they do have the new title – MLB’s biggest spenders, with a 2014 payroll of $257,283,41. ‪#‎Youdontalwaysgetwhatyoupayfor‬

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn : They couldn’t stop the Thursday night game between the 2-12 Jaguars and the 2-12 Titans from being shown on national TV?Where are those North Korean ‘The Interview’ hackers now that they’re really needed?’