Posted tagged ‘GOP jokes’

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Still the captain?

December 9, 2017

If Yankees win 2018 World Series will they vote Jeter a playoff share?

 

So too soon to investigate former Yankee Derek Jeter for possible collusion?#Stanton

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Maybe it’s time to rename them the Flori-duh Marlins.

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If you already rooted against @Yankees then it’s not sour grapes if you start rooting against Stanton right? @SFGiants

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Ohtani claimed he wanted a small market team. So will LA revert to calling themselves the Anaheim Angels?

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United and Delta now doing basic economy fares on transatlantic flights. Because international flights weren’t fun enough without bargain-hunting families with children getting assigned to all middle seats and then trying to bug other people on the plane to switch with them.

 

As a candidate @realDonaldTrump mocked a disabled reporter. Last night he mocked a sexual assault victim. Make America Gross Again? #MAGA

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At Trump’s first White House Hanukkah Party, did he tell them Christmas is back, bigger and better than ever?

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At least one of the women who came forward about Roy Moore has been receiving death threats. And some still wonder why women don’t speak out.

 

We’ve gone from Senate candidate who dated children to congressman who wanted staffers to have his children. Can see why GOP is family values party.

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Trump attacks @CNN after date error for being Fake News. But crickets on @FoxNews having to rescind the Roy Moore yearbook forgery story.

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After Friday’s rally and ‘Lock her up” chants in Pensacola maybe the rest of Florida wants to secede from the Panhandle?

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Fox News ranted about about acquittal in Kate Steinle case. Where’s their outrage on what seems much more egregious Daniel Shaver case?

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What a world, many mass shootings & GOP still supports all gun owners. But idea that one #MeToo allegation might be false to them discredits all women.

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More snow in Atlanta. Maybe someone shouldn’t have said hell would freeze over before the GOP endorsed a pro-slavery child molester for Senate.

GOP absolutely will fight for female baby’s right to be born so she can grow up & then be mocked & derided when she complains about sexual assault. #Prolifemyass

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Eras of errors

November 10, 2017

The three arrested UCLA players were reportedly shoplifting Louis Vuitton sunglasses? They couldn’t have just bought fakes on street like other US tourists? #cantfixstupid

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Anyone missing black light posters from 1970s should love Thursday night’s Seahawks uniforms.

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In Fremont, California, a man’s car was towed when he was found to be driving on a suspended license. He then allegedly stole a FedEx truck and was arrested. Your move, Florida.

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So Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension is back on as of Thursday morning. Too soon to start a pool on the next injunction?

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Royals manager Ned Yost broke his pelvis when he fell working on a tree at his home. Hope if former Giants reliever Jeremy Affeldt has trees that he knows a good arborist.

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Anthony Weiner is asking for pen pals in prison. I sure hope he’s also asking for proof of age.

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Notre Dame reversed its decision to not provide free birth control to employees & students. Did someone remind them of need to recruit football players?

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In Virginia,  Bob Marshall’s sister denounced him as homophobe on FB & said his loss to Danica Roem was “karma.” You think your Thanksgiving dinner will be awkward.

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#FEMA is relocating some people from Puerto Rico at least temporarily to the US mainland. If it’s Florida can they stay until 2020 election?

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Some boycotting Jim Beam over Mila Kunis’s donations to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name. Damn, does this mean I have to start drinking Jim Beam?

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Pretty clear that if a lot of men in Hollywood want to save their careers they need to change their registration to GOP and run for office.

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#RoyMoore has made a career of obsessing about other people’s sex lives. Beginning to think Freud might have been onto something.

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Trying to imagine what would happen if same woman accused both Bill Clinton & Roy Moore. Fox News heads would explode.

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That moment when we’re arguing over whether GOP candidate for Senate is a pedophile or just a sexual predator.

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Four women have made allegations about #RoyMoore. Over-under on the total by the end of the weekend?

 

If there’s four there’s more. #RoyMoore

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#RoyMoore blaming predator allegations on “Obama-Clinton machine’s liberal media lapdogs.” Congrats to all those who had “About 6 hours” in the pool.

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Trump heading to Vietnam, Melania staying in Beijing before heading to Alaska. Wonder if @FLOTUS heard whispering “free at last, free at last…”

 

 

Not a joke, but a great memory about Roy Halladay from T.C.  quoting his Canadian Hall of Fame speech:  “In a road game, fireworks were being shot off every time the home team hit a homer. After giving up three home runs in the first couple of innings, the pitching coach came out. Halladay told him whatever he had to say to keep it to himself. The coach said he had nothing to say, but just came out to give the guy time to reload the fireworks.”

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Ageless?

August 3, 2017

Tom Brady is 40 today. Hope he’s not feeling too deflated about it.

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So much attention on Steph Curry’s 1st round of professional golf even though he has no chance to win the tournament. Yep, it really is almost like he was Tiger Woods.

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Alabama football coach Nick Saban won’t suspend Da’Shawn Hand for his 430a DUI arrest last weekend. Saban says it’s because his potential starting DL was found asleep in car & not actually driving when police found him.
Well that and the Tide open against Florida State.

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Rockies closer Greg Holland cut his finger in kitchen accident, is “day-to-day.” Uh, maybe if you can’t stand being on DL, get out of the kitchen.

 

Grateful Dead night at AT&T Park.  SFGiants fans just grateful if the offense didn’t play like they are dead.

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SF Giants still undefeated on odd-days in August.

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Trump tweet “Our relationship with Russia is at an all-time & very dangerous low.” Uh, about those 13 days in October 1962.

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A California man is suing Annie’s because their strawberry fruit snacks don’t contain any strawberries. Hope he never buys angel-food cake.

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Trump is heading for a 17 day vacation in New Jersey. Can Chris Christie close down a bridge or something and keep him there?

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With AG Sessions still upsetting Trump over the Russia recusal,  McMaster saying Susan Rice did nothing wrong, and Mueller convening a grand jury, it’s going to be a tough call to pick a favorite in the firing pool.

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So who’s going to be the first to start a band named “Local milk people.”

 

Now it’s Dubai’s 79-story residential Torch Tower on fire (again) following London’s Grenfell Tower tragedy. But hey, who needs regulations?

Remember Towering Inferno? “You know, one of these days you’re gonna kill 10,000 in one of these firetraps, and I’m gonna keep eating smoke and bringing out bodies until somebody ask us… how to build them.”

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Remember those days when August was a slow news month?

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Donald Trump changed his mind.  After nominating ex-LA Dodgers co-owner Jamie McCourt as Ambassador to Belgium,  he now nominated her instead as Ambassador to France.

The White House did note Jamie speaks French!

(guess no one told Trump French is one of three official languages of Belgium?)

 

 

If the state secedes I have no problem with @realDonaldTrump becoming the first President of West Virginia.

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The Senate unanimously blocked Trump from making recess appointments over break.

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The technical reason Trump cannot make recess appointments is –  Senate pro-forma sessions in August.  Who set sessions up?  Alaska’s Senator Murkowski. No doubt with a smile.

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With Trump’s 38% approval rating it’s pretty clear that some Republicans are supporting him just because he’s a Republican.
But as we look ahead to 2020, amazing how many Democrats are already drawing lines saying they won’t support someone if he or she isn’t THEIR Democrat.

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from Marc Ragovin  – “Former NY Giant Michael Strahan lost part of one of his fingers in a recent accident. “Amateur,” said Jason Pierre-Paul.”

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Icy hot.

May 25, 2017

What a shock to anyone who’s been watching the NBA playoffs.  Not only did the Senators-Penguins go 7 games, they were actually mostly good games.  Like much of the NHL playoffs. Close games…you can do that?

 

So once again, Canada doesn’t have a team in the Stanley Cup finals. But they still have Justin Trudeau. We in US might trade….

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Former NBA player Rashad McCants said dating a Kardashian (Khloe) wrecked his NBA career. And other NBA players who’ve screwed up their lives with Kardashians are going “Who?”

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A California woman is suing Jelly Belly, claiming she didn’t know their “sport” jelly beans. contain sugar. Once again, an illustration that Shakespeare was ahead of his time – ‘First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

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And on another lighter note, a Florida woman was arrested for assaulting her ex by throwing pork fried rice at him. Hmm, maybe, not such a light note.  Fried rice can be heavy.

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New White House motto. “If the President does it it’s not leaking?

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Happy #NationalWineDay. Of course, since January 20, 2017, many Americans especially women consider EVERY day #NationalWineDay

 

US Appeals court in Richmond ruled against Trump’s revised travel ban Can’t wait to hear Sessions refer to Richmond as “island in Virginia.”

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Starting to feel old. I remember when home runs didn’t have “launch angles.”

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Major score in Trump insult bingo for those who had “all NATO countries.”

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Trump standing next to Angela Merkel and lecturing European leaders: “You have thousands and thousands of people pouring into our various countries, and spreading throughout, and in many cases we have no idea who they are. The NATO of the future must include a great focus on terrorism and immigration,..”
Except the Manchester bomber was British-born….

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If we’re worried about immigrants but also want immigrants & minorities to “report any suspicious activity” it seems to me we have a problem.

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Will GOP take assault off list of reasons to deport immigrants? Because it’s clearly now okay if someone p*sses you off. #IOKIYR #Gianforte

 

Gianforte win is quite a change, usually candidates wait until after they are elected to get arrested.

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National GOP Congressional Committee Chairman Steve Stivers “From what “From what I know of Greg Gianforte, this was totally out of character, but we all make mistakes.”
Well, guess since actual violence was involved Stivers couldn’t just call it “locker room banter.”

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Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone “Hell, people use food stamps to buy marijuana — that’s illegal — or cocaine, or whatever the hell else people use to get high.”
Begging the question – “What is Langone smoking?”

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If Gianforte wins & goes to DC instead of jail, can we somehow start intraparty fight between him & Ted Cruz.  Cruz? #payperview #passthepopcorn

 

From T.C.  Prez of Montenegro lucky he wasn’t Bodyslammed. They must have paid their NATO “dues”.

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Dreaming?

July 20, 2016

Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower.  #Dallas

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#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ feeling sorry for ‪#‎Dodgers‬ with ‪#‎Kershaw‬ potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship ‪#‎Cain‬ to ‪#‎LA‬ as a replacement.

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#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

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The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.

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Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.

 

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Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?

 

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Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Reports are that John ‪#‎Kasich‬ turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?

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So wait, if ‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. ‪#‎IOYIYR‬ ‪#‎IOKIYT‬ (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)

 

‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

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Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”

 

After watching ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ a lot of people are thinking by comparison that ‪#‎OscarsNotSoWhite‬

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So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?

 

So @realDonaldTrump says ‪#‎TedCruz‬ didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.

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Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.

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A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

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Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.

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How often does @HillaryClinton applaud ‪#‎TedCruz‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Did ‪#‎Trump‬ give ‪#‎TedCruz‬ an ‪#‎RNC‬ speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? ‪#‎Fearfactor‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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‎MikePence‬, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎WTF‬?

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It’s a start.

April 5, 2016

It’s only 1 game, but right this second ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack ‪#‎Greinke‬ & having to sign Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬

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Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.

 

All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming ‪#‎GoldenState‬ ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of ‪#‎Spurs‬ starters.

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In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.

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At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” ‪#‎Disneybustohell‬

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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”

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Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?

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A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

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In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.

 

A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.

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There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.

 

From Alex Kaseberg  “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.

(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)

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Going to not-so-great lengths

March 3, 2016

Peyton Manning, in a speech last night at the Florida Forum “Many of you have probably heard that I have a significant announcement to make, so I thought I’d go ahead and make it with all of you here tonight. Papa John’s is offering 50 percent off tonight through Friday.”
Someday Manning may have the only funeral where they hand out pizza coupons.

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South Africa’s highest court has dismissed Oscar Pistorius’s appeal against his murder conviction, so he could be facing a minimum 15-year jail sentence. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

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Anyone who thought the GOP campaign couldn’t go any lower? I think this CNN headline might mean we just hit bottom.”Donald Trump defends size of his penis.”

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John Kasich isn’t someone I would vote for, but I still think he’s a capable human being.  Watching him on the margins of the GOP debate recalls an anecdote about Adlai Stevenson in the 1956 presidential campaign:   A woman called out “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”

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So if the GOP is really serious about stopping Trump, it should be noted that in Alaska the Donald got Sarah Palin’s endorsement. And the winner was Ted Cruz. ‪#‎coincidence‬?

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Now Mitt Romney apparently is focused mostly on keeping Trump from having 1,237 delegates, the number he needs to secure the nomination, so that the GOP can block the Donald at the convention.
Well, this ought to do wonders for convincing potential Trump voters that the establishment isn’t rigged against them..

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Mitt Romney just attacked Donald Trump for dishonesty and pointed to Trump’s “greed,” “showing off”, and “misogyny,” Hey wait, aren’t those real GOP values?

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Mitt Romney called Donald Trump a “phony” and a “fraud” who would hand the election to the Dems in November. So which Mitt was talking? The moderate governor of Mass., or the “severe conservative” who ran in 2012?

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An Australian writer, Helen Garner, got what she thought was a spam email with “good news” and saying somewhat at Yale needed her phone number. It turned out to be real; she had won a $150,000 writing prize.
And a whole lot of spammers just got a new idea.

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Scott Kelly grew two inches while he was in space. And wonder how many men are telling women, “Well, I used to be an astronaut.”

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Jim Harbaugh and Tennessee coach Butch Jones are now in a Twitter battle, where Jones went after Michigan for practicing in Florida, and Harbaugh told him to “focus on his own program.”
So how can we get a game between the Wolverines and Volunteers? ‪#‎ratings‬ ‪#‎whatsyourdeal‬?

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LeBron James is getting some criticism for working out with Dwayne Wade during a couple off-days, especially as the Heat also are probably a playoff team. But really, who expects Miami to be around long enough in the postseason for it to matter?

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Jeb Bush is trying to make a difference and redeem his status within the GOP. So if he’s really serious can Jeb endorse Trump?

 

Has someone told the ‪#‎Thunder‬ that hockey has three periods, basketball has four quarters? ‪#‎Warriors‬ ‪#‎NBA‬

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RIP from RBG

February 14, 2016

In the midst of all the craziness, this comment from Ruth Bader Ginsberg on Antonin Scalia is worth repeating. “I disagreed with most of what he said, but I loved the way he said it.”

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So at ‪#‎Scalia‬‘s funeral will Clarence Thomas honor his late colleague by not saying a few words?

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#‎TedCruz‬ says the next President should nominate ‪#‎Scalia‬‘s replacement. So congrats to all those who had “about 10 minutes” in the pool.
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Wind chill in liberal Massachusetts tonight down to at least 35 below. Maybe some in the GOP shouldn’t have said it would be a cold day in hell when Obama would get to nominate another Supreme Court justice.

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Padmanabhan Srikanth “Sri” Srinivasan – google him. Confirmed 97-0 on the US Court of Appeals. Obama could make things very difficult both for the GOP and reporters/copy editors.

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So all these GOP yahoos demanding we wait until the election and to let the next President pick the next Supreme Court justice, does this mean that if a Republican is elected, they think he should not be able to fill any potential SCOTUS opening in the 2nd half of his term?

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We interrupt politics for a bulletin from Pebble Beach. Phil Mickleson is leading the AT&T Pro-Am by 2 strokes after 3 rounds. Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “That dude is old.”

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Jenrry Mejia has been banned permanently from MLB for his 3rd PED suspension. Clearly Mejia should have focused on trying to play NFL football, where he’d be back again after a few games.

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More of the “stuff” you can’t make up: In New York, Central Park’s ice festival was canceled today, due to extreme cold.
(And in Minnesota they’re just giggling.)

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Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari was ejected two minutes and 26 seconds into today’s game against South Carolina. 146 seconds?!! That’s only about as long as his players spend in class.

 

As a retirement gift, Michael Jordan gave Kobe Bryant a full set of all 30 sneakers released so far in the Air Jordan line. A very nice gift. Although at this point Kobe almost has enough money to have been able to buy them himself.

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For that matter, will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in that last year. Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm‬?

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Mitch McConnell -“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new President.” Uh, didn’t the American people exercise their voice by electing President Obama? Twice.

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Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. Such an ad would never be released by Hillary Clinton’s campaign – Bill would recognize the actress first.

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Watching these debates makes many Americans wish that Jed Bartlett was president. Heck, watching these debates makes many Americans wish Frank Underwood was president.

 

Comparing tonight’s GOP debate to a kindergarten playground is an insult to kindergarteners.

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Somewhere Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders had to be watching this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ and just giggling.

 

 

 

 

So will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in the last year of his term? ‪#‎Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm‬?

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Signs of the times?

February 11, 2016

The NBA is discussing a proposal during the All-Star break that would let teams sell ONE corporate logo on their uniforms for the 2017-18 season. Meaning by about the 2020-21 season the uniforms should all look like NASCAR’s.

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So Jeremy Affeldt is joining the CSN broadcast crew.  Can’t wait until the first time the former SF Giants pitcher second guesses Bruce Bochy’s pitching change decisions. ‪

SF Giants fans who remember Affeldt’s creative stints on the DL hope that the network offers good medical insurance.

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Some discussion on where RGIII may end up next year. Well, the Redskins QB may have been disappointing but RGIII should be thankful to Johnny Manziel for making him look like a good bet by comparison.

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Jason Castro today became the first MLB player to lose in arbitration this year.. He had asked for $5.2 million, but the arbitrator sided with the Astros, and gave him only $5 million.
You know baseball salaries are in another world when the immediate reaction is, “only $200,000, why couldn’t they settle?”

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Scientists say they have detected gravitational waves, which were a major component of Einstein’s theory of relativity. Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.

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Ben Carson – “I’m getting a lot of pressure to make sure I stay in the race.” No doubt, primarily from comedy writers who lost both Fiorina and Christie in the same day.

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Anyone but me think it’s a bit strange that the guy who is saying “Make America Great Again” is a multi-billionaire who consistently has had America be pretty great for him.

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Donald Trump attacked the NY Daily News after it put him on their cover as a clown, saying it was a failing paper. So now the NYDN has a new hashtag, ‪#‎Trumpfails‬, and started a “brief history of Trump’s many failures.” Get some popcorn folks, this could be fun.

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Patriots owner Robert Kraft to a TV reporter “I happened to see Archie (Manning)…. He has two sons who have won two Super Bowls (each) But with all due respect, we have one son who has won four.” Ah, it’s this sort of thing that makes the Patriots so beloved outside New England. ‪#‎stayclassy‬

 

 

The Raiders announced they have signed a lease to stay in Oakland for the 2016 season. Translation, nobody else wants them.

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Kanye West, in lyrics about Taylor Swift – ” I made that that B—H famous.” Hard to believe it’s possible but Kanye might almost make the Kardashians look classy by comparison.

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Marco Rubio says he broke a tooth chewing on a frozen Twix Bar. And somewhere W. is thinking “And they gave me grief on a pretzel?”

 

 

After a summit in Munich, John Kerry has announced a deal for a ceasefire in Syria “within a week.” ‪#‎IblameObama‬

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You call this a debate? Where is the name-calling, where is the crazy talk, where are the clowns? ‪#‎DemDebate‬

 

The U.S election system really has gotten corrupt. Why, we can’t even vote on the American Idol semi-finalists anymore. Viewers won’t be able to vote until the last six weeks. ‪#‎isnothingsacred‬?

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From T.C.  “Nike is celebrating its Jordan Brand’s 30th anniversary this weekend. The latest models will sell for $200. This compared to only $100 when they were first introduced. The company  blames the price increase on raises that have brought their Chinese children factory workers up to 35 cents per hour “

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Oh, rats.

December 23, 2015

Apparently the state shut down 10 restaurants in South Florida: last week due to health violations like roaches and rodent droppings found on site. Well, clearly the patrons needed to be armed.

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Meanwhile a Florida man died after he accidentally shot himself while on a video call with a relative.  The Miami-Dade Police said he was   “explaining the proper way to clean a firearm” #cantfixstupid #butyoucanburystupid  #Darwin

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The California Dungeness crab season will not open this year in time for Christmas due to perceived safety issues from toxins due to warmer than usual ocean temperatures.

Humbug. But I repeat, all those who don’t believe in science and/or global warming should be our canaries in the coal mine,  or rather crab mine, and feast away:

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Jeb Bush, on what he might be expected to say at an upcoming New Hampshire event -“A sentence in the English language, you know? With an adjective and adverbs, three syllable words occasionally.”
Uh, Jeb, this is not exactly known as playing to the GOP primary base

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When all these companies who send almost spam all year to your email inbox then send electronic Christmas or Holiday greetings, you know, it’s still almost spam.

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Defending World Cup champion Marcel Hirscher was almost hit by a falling drone camera during a run in a World Cup race today in Italy. After the event Hirscher – “This is horrible. This can never happen again.” And sponsors are thinking – but think of the potential TV ratings. ‪#‎Worldcupdemolitionderby‬

 

NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin said today that Odell Beckham “certainly was wrong, and we’ve said he was wrong from day one. But there were factors involved, starting in pregame, which are well documented, which indicate that there was an attempt to provoke him. He was provoked.”
I have some sympathy for Beckham being upset. But hate to say it, if you’re an adult NFL player, aren’t you supposed to be above freaking out over insults and trash talk?

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A Southwest plane landed safely today back at Oakland Airport after circling for four hours. The pilot was worried over a potential problem with the landing gear. No injuries but now for the important issue for most passengers – do they get extra frequent flier miles for all that circling?

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A Windstar ship has run aground at a remote island -Isla de Colba – off the coast of Panama. All passengers and crew are safe but the ship is too damaged to complete the cruise. CNN is crushed, the island is 200 miles from Panama City and with full planes around the holidays probably no way to get a big news crew down to cover it.

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Donald Trump is now claiming that “schlonged” isn’t vulgar. Well, at this point it might not be as vulgar as “Trumped.”

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Look, who the heck knows what goes on in anyone else’s marriage. But interesting that no one attacking Bill and Hillary, who actually are still together, seems to have a problem with the fact that both Trump and Fiorina both met their current spouses when they were married to their previous spouses. ‪#‎familyvalues

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On Fox News, they have been suggesting that Chelsea Clinton’s second pregnancy was timed for her to have the baby right in the middle of the 2016 campaign. Uh, as if any 35 year-old woman can exactly time ANY pregnancy?
(and what about all babies being a gift from God and all that…. ‪#‎notsoprolife‬

 

Black Lives Matter protesters shut down Mall of America and an airport terminal today. Now I sympathize with the cause. But if you want to get average Americans on your side making them miss a flight or not get their Christmas shopping done is probably not the best way to do it.

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The lady might be really feeling green

November 17, 2015

 

Sadly ironic- “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free” is written on our most famous gift from France.

 

 

The Raiders’ Aldon Smith was reportedly shocked today when the NFL suspended him for a year for violating their substance abuse policy. This after the LB’s Aug 6 DUI arrest, his 5th arrest since 2012.
Guess Smith thought he still had some cap room under the league’s “10 strikes and you’re out” policy.

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On a brighter Bay Area note,  Brandon Crawford, home-grown, 6 years, $75 million, no-trade clause. Well-played, SF Giants, well-played.

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David Ortiz says he will retire after the 2016 season. Other teams are hoping Pablo Sandoval doesn’t say he will make the same decision – they couldn’t afford the farewell tour banquets.

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Bobby Jindal says he is dropping out of the 2016 Presidential race. The most upset people? Louisianans. Now for the remainder of his term, Jindal’s got no reason to leave the state.

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More Jindal ““I’ve come to the realization this is not my time.” Maybe he should have said “I’ve come to the realization that this is not my century?

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An Ohio woman pleaded guilty to aggravated assault after being accused of stabbing her boyfriend when he ate all the salsa. Really? Who stabs someone for eating salsa. Now, had he finished off all the chocolate, completely justifiable.

 

Donald Trump said today that with Syrian refugees, President Obama is sending “them to the Republicans, not to the Democrats, you know because they know the problem.” Guess the Donald thinks that Ben Carson has been making too many inroads lately into his “crazy” vote.

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Meanwhile, Chris Christie, saying he would not even allow Syrian orphans under five into the U.S. “You now, they have no family here. How are we going to care for these folks?” Again, three words, “pro-life my ass.

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Three men and a woman who appeared to be of middle easternt descent, and with several carry-on bags, were removed from a Spirit Airlines flight for “suspicious activity,” and are being questioned in Baltimore.
Well, makes sense, with all their fees, who’s crazy enough to bring several carry-on bags on Spirit Airlines?

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“What the United States has done is to be open to people who are fleeing tyranny, who are fleeing danger, but we have done it in a very careful way that has worked for us.” Yeah, just another commie pinko speaking out. Wait, this was Condoleeza Rice, saying she hopes the U.S. will be “open and welcoming” to refugees. Never mind.

 

Turtle experts in Marin have confirmed the sighting of a rare green sea turtle from Mexico in California’s San Joaquin river, possibly lured by warmer El Nino waters. So will Trump be railing against the immigrant turtle? At least he (or she) really is a wetback.

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American Airlines has announced they are “evolving to build a rewarding (AAdvantage) program for all members, while giving our best customers access to our most exclusive benefits.” Translation, we’re going to start making sure our free tickets and upgrades mostly go to those who could afford to pay for them anyway.

 

 

 

Wow. Just wow. This from conservative commentator Ben Stein about President Obama “I don’t think there’s much question that he does not wish America well. He has a real strong hatred of America”
So are any of the GOP candidates going to have a John McCain moment and say, “Enough?”
Heaven knows I and other liberals wanted Bush out of office, but can’t remember a liberal commentator ever saying that he hated his own country. ‪#‎overtheline‬

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And finally, really?   Channel 2 in the SF Bay Area did a story on the risks of Americans studying abroad, focusing on the death of the young California woman in Paris. And exactly how many students have been killed this year on US campuses?
Heck, for that matter, leaving crime aside, six Irish students died this year in a Berkeley balcony collapse. ‪#‎nosuchthingascompletesafety‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Different worlds.

November 5, 2015

An astrophysicist at Caltech says he may have found evidence of alternate or parallel universes. Yeah, Americans already knew that. One is inhabited by Democrats, the other by Republicans.

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Cincinnati is 8-0. Who’d a thunk the Bengals would lead the NFL in any category but arrests?

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The National Geographic Society, which was just sold to Rupert Murdoch, announced they will lay off about 180 of its 2,000 employees. Including several people in the fact-checking department. Well, right, I mean, with a Murdoch company, who needs a fact-checking department?

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Former President George H.W. Bush, 91, criticized Rumsfeld and Cheney in his new book. Well, he did only serve one term, is George Sr. trying to prove HE”s the Bush we should send back to the White House?
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The Guardian is reporting that in London, historically one of the world’s most expensive cities, people were camping out overnight for a chance to buy new affordable flats starting at £199,000. (a little more than $300,000.)
Overnight? For those prices in SF people would camp out for a month .

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The NY Post reported that an Apache Indian leader who has been speaking out against the Redskins name, posted a picture of himself dressed up as Bob Marley in blackface for Halloween.
Sigh. Once again, proof that no race has a monopoly on hypocrisy.

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The Detroit Lions have fired their President and GM, and owner Martha Ford said “we want to make it clear that we have no intention of giving up on the season. We expect our team to compete and improve and win.”
Did they legalize marijuana in Michigan and not tell us?

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Ok, so qualifying for the next GOP debate on Fox Business Network are Trump, Carson, Rubio, Cruz, Bush, Fiorina, Kasich and Paul.   Apparently I was mistaken, thought the prime-time debate was reserved for only the candidates who could actually win.

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Carly Fiorina: “GOP is a conservative party. Conservative voters will pick our nominee. The conservative networks should host our debates! ” Maybe nobody told Carly that after the primaries there’s actually a general election?

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Warriors owner Joe Lacob now says that he and his fiancée slept with the NBA championship trophy in their Cleveland hotel room. “I had made a promise to myselI would sleep with the trophy that night. Nicole and I did sleep with it. I’ll leave it to the imagination. We had a lot of fun with it.” ‪#‎TMI‬ ‪#‎classnothingbutclass‬

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George Barris, 91, who created the original Batmobile, has died. Friends and family interested in going to his funeral have been instructed to turn back tomorrow. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

The SF Chronicle reported that the SF Public Utilities Commission has released a list of their top water users in 2014. #1 was the Menlo Country Club, which used 320,842 gallons a day in Sept, enough for 7,825 typical San Francisco homes., and 66,322 gallons more than the utilities commission allotted the club with the current drought.
Yeah, once again, only little people care about water.

From Marc Ragovin:  “Jeb Bush’s new campaign slogan is “Jeb Can Fix It.” Is he running for president or to become a new Pep Boy?”

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Ben Carson, on the pyramids in Egypt, which he thinks were NOT built as pharaohs’ graves. “My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain.”
And some say it doesn’t matter that students don’t have to take much history to go to med school. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixignoranteither‬

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And finally, okay, friends and readers, time for a new game – what historical question would YOU like ask Ben Carson?

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Testing, one two three four, testing….

November 4, 2015

Next week, Wisconsin will begin drug testing welfare recipients. Fine. Can they drug test EVERYONE who receives a pay check from the state? Starting with the legislature?

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Jeb Bush is now polling at 4% nationwide. Thinking not even the Supreme Court can turn those numbers into a win.

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Sen. Bernie Sanders has introduced legislation to end federal laws banning marijuana. Presumably Bernie still has hopes of his younger fan base?

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Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University is talking about hosting the final GOP Presidential debate in January. Right, so we don’t have any accusations about bias as we did with CNBC. ‪#‎sarcasm

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The Dodgers have announced they will raise ticket prices from 10% to 25% next year. Makes sense, it’s not as if the team can make any real money by going deep into the postseason.

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Frontier Airlines is raising checked and carry-on bag fees by $5 to $10 for flights anytime between Nov. 19, 2015 to Jan. 5, 2016. Spirit Airlines is adding a $2 bag surcharge from Dec 16 to Jan 4.
So if you don’t get enough crying babies and children while flying during the holidays, you’re also more likely to be stuck on a plane with cranky parents.

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First Jimmy Fallon injured his fingers in two falls, now new Daily Show host Trevor Noah had an emergency appendectomy this morning. Seeming like these late night Comedy shows are hazardous to your health.

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The first College Football Playoff rankings are out. And Alabama, 7-1, jumped over several undefeated teams to make into the top 4 along with Clemson, LSU and OSU. “I am shocked” said nobody who pays attention to college football. ‪#‎SECbias‬

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Beginning to think the best strategy for these GOP Presidential candidates is to keep quiet and be thought a fool. Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, asked if he could have a beer with someone nonpolitical, mentioned 18-year-old Pakistani Muslim activist Malala Yousafzai.

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Campus police at the University of Merced fatally shot a man who allegedly stabbed five students this morning. None of the students reportedly have life-threatening injuries. If only the suspect had been armed.

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Donald Trump has deleted a tweet he retweeted with anti-Jeb Bush pictures, including an image where the Bush family was depicted as Nazis. Wonder how long it will take Trump to find another “young intern” to blame this one on?

The NCAA has selected Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara for the 2019 College Football Playoff National Championship Game. Seems pretty unlikely that the 49ers will have any use for the field in January.

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At a San Francisco Bloomingdale’s, a shoplifter allegedly stole a purse pulled a hatchet on a security guard to make her getaway. Wow, it’s barely after Halloween and the crooks are in holiday form.

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Moving on.

November 3, 2015

Rough World Series for New York fans. Now they’ll have to go back to being disappointed by the Jets, Giants and Knicks.

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There are rumors that Jimmy Fallon may have a worrisome drinking issue after three recent injuries. Hoping for his sake it’s not true…. but if it is, would NBC want Leno to come back as a temporary fill-in? Beginning to think the guy has more lives than a cat.

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A woman who was a 2014-15 Alabama’s Teacher of the Year has resigned. This after she was moved from teaching 2nd grade to 5th, and then told she didn’t have the qualifications to teach fifth-graders. Shocking. Alabama has teaching qualifications?

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Obama ordered federal agencies to “ban the box” in their hiring decisions, meaning they can’t ask prospective government employees about their criminal histories on job applications. Who says the President never does anything for Congress?

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Activision-Blizzard is acquiring Candy Crush’s maker for $5.9 billion. $5.9 billions? Wow. In the days after Halloween aren’t you supposed to get a discount on candy?

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Police have charged a Houston man with murder, saying he fatally stabbed his friend for taking the last piece of chicken at dinner. Your move, Florida, ‪#‎ifonlytheywerebotharmed‬

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ESPN is reporting that the SF 49ers are benching QB Colin Kaepernick for Blaine Gabbert. Which is the NFL equivalent of rearranging desk chairs on the Titanic?

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The SF 49ers have also shipped TE Vernon Davis to the Denver Broncos for future draft picks. Hardest thing for Davis at this point – wiping that sh*t-eating grin off his face as he cleans out his locker.

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So besides being suspended for 1 game, Ohio State QB J.T. Barrett will lose his scholarship for the summer term after being arrested for DUI and trying to avoid a checkpoint (“backing without safety.”)
This punishment means that unless he pays tuition himself, Barrett will not be able to work out with the team over the summer, but his scholarship will resume next fall. Assuming J.T. doesn’t declare for the NFL draft. ‪#‎whosaysUrbanMeyerdoesnthavestandards‬ ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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The EPA is saying now that Volkswagen SUVs also used cheating software to get around U.S. emission standards. Ah, for the good old days when the most corrupt people in the car business were simply some used-car salesmen.

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Fox is now slamming CNBC for their non “substantive”” questions in the last GOP debate and saying they will do better in their next Fox Business debate. With more questions like this from the first Fox debate? “I want to know if any of [the candidates] have received a word from God on what they should do and take care of first,”

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Now Donald Trump’s campaign says they will negotiate separately and “directly with the host network to establish debate criteria that will determine Mr. Trump’s participation.”
Guessing one of the questions the Donald will not allow would be one about how he expects to work collaboratively with Congress and various world leaders.

Donald Trump also now says he turned down an invitation to be on the “boring and low-rated” Last Week Tonight with John Oliver .And the show responded on Twitter “Couple of points. 1. Yes, we have a boring show. 2. At no point did we invite Donald Trump to appear on it.
So at what point does Trump realize, if he offends every single media outlet, who’s going to cover his outbursts?

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From Alex Kaseberg  “This Halloween, a kid came to our door dressed as Mets player, Daniel Murphy. At first he was a big hit, but then he kept dropping his candy.”

(And of course it would be perfect if the candy he dropped was rainbow skittles.)

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Big cats.

October 29, 2015

Thursday was National Cat Day. And cats are thinking, uh, EVERY day is National Cat D

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In South Africa this week, a lion attacked a party of five men hunting illegally, killing one man and two dogs. Apparently mean bitch Karma also wanted to celebrate National Cat Day.

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Ironic that on ‪#‎NationalCatDay‬ the GOP has elected a new Cat Herder ‪#‎PaulRyan‬

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There are arguments over who won yesterday’s GOP debate. But it seems to me the real winners are obvious- anyone who chose to watch the World Series instead.

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Really? There are are headlines about Farrah Abraham, who apparently has a sex tape and was on “Teen Mom,” now sharing her third boob job on the internet. It’s enough to make you long for the intellectualism of the Kardashians..

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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the 2015-16 Lakers: “I think they’ll surprise people and I’ll expect them to make the playoffs at least.” Quick, can someone check Kareem for concussions?

In New York City, a new law says people applying for jobs will no longer be required to disclose a criminal history, What, were they having problems finding enough applicants to staff Wall Street?

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Walmart is rolling out their first big holiday sale this weekend. So what’s next, Black Halloween?

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Don Mattingly is new ‪#‎Marlins‬ manager . But really, shouldn’t job title be “Interim manager?” With Marlins they’rel ALL interim managers.

The NFL had a town meeting Thursday on potentially moving the Raiders to Los Angeles. Right about now SF Bay Area fans are thinking – could you take the 49ers instead?

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The NBA is partnering with Kia to put a Kia Motors Crop. logo on player jerseys for the next two All-Star games. Right, because when you think of a car that would be driven by very wealthy very tall men you think of Kia.

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Not a fan of the new Speaker of the House and fully expect he will make me angry in short order. But on the other hand, all these fundraising emails with the headline “Stop Paul Ryan”, can we at least wait until he tries to do something before we “stop” him? ‪#‎bipartisandreaming‬

Not that the  ‪#‎Bush‬ brothers don’t love each other. But isn’t there a chance that somewhere W. is sitting back smirking “Now who’s the dumb one?

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Chef Anthony Bourdain said today, that “every restaurant in America would shut down” if Donald Trump won the Presidency,” because restaurants rely so much on immigrant labor. Yet another fool who thinks that if Trump somehow won he would actually honor his campaign rhetoric. ‪#‎Trumphotelsandconstructionprojectsneedimmigrantlabortoo‬

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An Uber driver in St. Petersburg, FL, was arrested after he apparently traded a prostitute a ride for oral sex. Talk about surge pricing.

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CNBC had a bad night with the GOP debate, no question. But with all these GOP candidates calling for substantive questions and dealing with major serious issues, which of them wants to be the first to say “Enough on Benghazi and arguing over what Planned Parenthood did with fetal tissue”?

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Storms and other hot air

October 23, 2015

The Pacifc Coast of Mexico braced today for Patricia, possibly the “worst hurricane ever.,” which was expected still to be a major storm by the time it hits Texas.   Waiting for Donald Trump to say if he were in charge he’d put up a wall to stop it.

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The only way CNN could have been more excited about Hurricane ‪#‎Patricia‬ was if there were a cruise ship potentially stuck in it.

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First Jim Webb, now it’s bye bye Lincoln Chafee. Say what you want about Democrats, but at least they know when to give up on hopeless Presidential campaigns. Yes, I’m talking about you “fill-in-the-blank.”

U.S. authorities this week found a U.S.-Mexico border tunnel stretching the length of 8 football fields long, from Tijuana to San Diego, with lighting, electricity and a rail system. Sounds like these are the kind of folks Trump might want to build that wall.

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Spurs basketball coach Gregg Popovich is going to be the new coach of Team USA. Will be quite a change for Pop to coach a team of American players.

Got to love it, on Friday night, Fox Sports ticker had “Breaking News – Royals defeat Rays 4-3 to advance to second straight World Series.” During post game ‪#‎ALCS‬ coverage.

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Scott Servais will apparently be named the Mariners new manager this year. So once again folks, if you want your kids to grow up to be managers, give them a catcher’s mitt.

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Westboro Baptist Church was picketing the Blue Jays -Royals ALCS game tonight to “preach to the depraved Canadians.” Where were some players with good strong bat flips when you REALLY needed them?

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New Jersey police are looking for the rightful owner of 50 pounds of pot that was mailed to someone who didn’t even live at the address. When that person comes forward he/she will receive free room and board from the state for a while. Along with a ‪#‎canttixstupid‬ award.

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The number of confirmed Shigella infections has risen to 141 in an outbreak traced to a San Jose, CA restaurant. So waiting for N.C. senator Thom Tillis to reiterate his Feb. 2015 comments of how obligatory hand-washing rules are an example of government overreach.

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McDonald’s is testing out new sweet potato fries in Texas. Makes sense. Most Americans really do feel sweet-deprived.

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Maine voters fhis fall have “Question 1”, a citizen initiative to strengthen the state’s Clean Election Act . It requires more donor transparency, and would allow candidates that are being heavily outspent by their opponents to re-qualify for additional public financing by collecting more small-dollar contributions.
Governor Paul LePage says “that’s like giving my wife my checkbook. I’m telling you, it’s giving your wife your checkbook.”
Wow., that’s misogynistic enough you wonder if LePage is hoping to be a GOP running mate.

President Obama today compared Republicans to ‪#‎GrumpyCat‬. Prompting calls for an apology…. from Grumpy Cat.

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While most agree Hillary Clinton is smart, some of the buzzwords used against her are “Machiavellian,” “ambitious,””ruthless,” “duplicitous,” etc.
Just thinking, what if the Dems ran a woman who was just considered smart, sweet, kind and understanding? Then the GOP would say she was naive and by no means tough enough to lead in a tough world of cunning male leader

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M going to be Blue

October 17, 2015

For as rough as that game ending was in Ann Arbor,  a game-winning touchdown after a blocked punt with 10 seconds to go, Jim Harbaugh still has to be waking up tomorrow thinking “At least I’m not still coaching the 49ers.”

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Jim Harbaugh probably got a sympathy tweet from Nick Saban ‪#‎MSUvsMICH‬ ‪#‎AuburnvsAlabama‬

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 And here Harbaugh thought his kicking nightmares were over when he left Stanford and Jordan Williamson.
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San Francisco rents are so high that one female software engineer has written about the fact that she now lives in a VW Bus. What will be even scarier is when she decides to rent half the bus out on AirBNB.

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So some KC Royals fans are starting a petition to have Joe Buck removed from the ALCS because they say he is biased against their team. SF Giants fans are laughing. They know Buck is biased against any team that isn’t the Cardinals.

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While the ALCS is moving to Toronto for game three, there won’t be a game on Sunday. So we won’t have the dilemma – would MLB still insist on “God Bless America?”

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Jeb Bush and Donald Trump called each other “pathetic” yesterday. It was a rare time they were both right.

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The Oklahoma Sooners flight to Manhattan, KS for their football game against KSU today was delayed over 8 hours. Now I know travel agents have a different perspective, but really? The DRIVE is only about 4 1/2 hours

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As expected, Zack Greinke has opted out of his contract with the Dodgers.(he ONLY has 3 years and $71 million left, and wants a longer deal.)
Not sure about 5 years to any 32 year old pitcher. But SF has a record as a good home for head cases.

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Mike, a combat dog that became a service animal for an Army veteran was shot and killed by a bicyclist in Wyoming who said the dog threatened him. Waiting for the NRA to say “If only the dog had been armed.”

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Memphis defeated Ole Miss today to move to 6-0. Wow. Memphis has a college football team?

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USC played Notre Dame‬ Saturday .    Bringing up the age-old question for many American football fans – “Can both teams lose?”

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Lindsay Lohan is now saying in “In #2020 I may run for president.” And somewhere Jon Stewart is thinking “The universe REALLY doesn’t want me to retire.”

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US Airways flight 1939 took off Friday night from San Francisco to Philadelphia, the last US Airways flight ever before their merger with American Airlines. Poignant night for many fliers – one less airline to blame.

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TBS host Casey Stern was caught dropping an f-bomb on air after the Mets’ game 1 NLCS win over the Cubs today. Can only imagine what some of the Michigan broadcasters said away from the microphone after the end of the MSU game.

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Apparently Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Lindsey Graham and Rick Santorum are all spending more money than they are getting in donations so could end up dropping out of the 2016 Presidential race soon.
With the possible exception of Paul, and maybe Huckabee, who’s donating to ANY of them?

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Down and out?

October 11, 2015

So @MLB may let Chase Utley get away with that slide but @NFL may be fining him. ‪#‎Mets‬ ‪#‎Dodgers‬

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Kelby Tomlinson was enough to make me glad ‪#‎SFGiants‬ didn’t sign Utley. Maybe now ‪#‎49ers‬ wish they had pursued him.

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As if SF Giants fans didn’t have enough reason to hate Dodgers, Chase Utley in 2015 does to Tejada what Matt Holliday did to Scutaro in 2012. Time for karma to get in mean bitch mode.

Pedro Martinez said last week that the Mets need to keep Matt Harvey, due to his elbow issues, under five innings “no matter what the situation.” Hmm, thinking it could be real interesting if Utley comes up against Harvey in the fifth on Monday.

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Just saying, Zack Greinke, neither of those home runs you gave up would have been out at AT&T Park. If you’re thinking of a change of scenery ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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St Louis pitcher Jaime Garcia left after the 2nd inning with a stomach virus. Bet he wasn’t half as sick as Cardinals fans watching their team give up FIVE unearned runs in that inning.

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As if anyone had doubts, Michigan’s Jim Harbaugh may not be an easy person to deal with, but,he is a damn good football coach ‪ (but hey, the 49ers don’t miss him at all, right?)

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This is a rare “awww” story from the world of college football. After devastating floods, the University of South Carolina moved their game against LSU from Columbia to Baton Rouge, where LSU will give SC the revenue from tickets and concessions. And since the Gamecocks’ band can’t come, the Tigers’ marching band decided to learn South Carolina’s alma mater and fight song and played both at the game.

Aww part two, LSU Heisman hopeful Leonard Fournette said after the game that he would auction off his jersey for South Carolina flood relief. (his family lived on a bridge for several days after Katrina)
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The RNC is criticizing Obama’s latest visit to California saying “the latest swing through the Golden State proves once again that President Obama only cares about causing traffic jams for fundraising for the failed Democrat agenda.” Right, the President should be like Chris Christie and only cause traffic jams for political revenge.
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Cal Ripken Jr. acknowledged he might be interested in managing the Washington Nationals. Because he always dreamed as a little boy of growing up and joining the circus?

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In New Jersey, a burglar who accidentally butt-dialed 911 and ended up telling police his plans has pleaded guilty. He was given a plea deal of a minimum of 5 years, with presumably then being paroled to Florida?

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Cal QB Jared Goff has been projected as a 1st round, maybe top ten draft pick. Maybe Saturday night he was trying a bit too hard to show he could be the next Colin Kaepernick..  (five interceptions.)

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Two people (at least) have apparently been fatally shot this past week with a gun stolen from an unlocked car in San Francisco. The woman who was shot and killed in July on an SF pier allegedly by an illegal immigrant was also killed with a gun left in a car. Not keeping a dangerous dog safely secured is a crime. Can we at least talk about laws requiring gun owners to take care of their weapons?

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Choked up?

September 27, 2015

Hundreds of thousands people apparently showed up today in Philadelphia to see the Pope. It being Philly, you have to wonder how many who showed up to see Francis actually booed him.

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Of course, the Pope is not a stupid man. He picked a time of year to visit Philadelphia when there was zero chance of snowballs.

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So ‪#‎Papelbon‬ is looking like he’s through with the ‪#‎Nationals‬. Is the closer trying to earn a tryout with the ‪#‎Redskins‬ defense?

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Although I suppose it could be said that by putting his hands on Harper’s neck,  Papelbon was just trying to do to Bryce what the Nats have done on the field since he arrived.

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Colts‬ fans hoped their team would “Suck for Luck.” Time for ‪#‎49ers‬ fans to hope team will “Slack off for Goff? ‪

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Every time I hear Hillary Clinton talk about the email issues, just wonder why she didn’t come out and say “Look, you really think I understood any of this stuff at first? When it comes to computers my basic reaction has been ‘Does it turn on, can I log in?”
Thinking she’d have gotten a lot more sympathy from those of us whose kids roll their eyes at our ineptitude with technology. And from the younger generation who laughs at their parents.
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Barry Zito, 37, and Tim Hudson, 40, were both given ovations in their short starts yesterday. “Well deserved for two nice young men” said Jamie Moyer.
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Mark Zuckerberg at the UN said that expanding internet access to global communities could help ‘lift them out of poverty.” Possibly, although here in the U.S. internet access can keep people too busy playing games to find a job.
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Congress is going to be a different place without John Boehner in November. For starters, the Kleenex consumption in the House will go way down ‪#‎nomoretears‬
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A poll of Republicans at the Voting Values Summit said they preferred a Ted Cruz-Ben Carson ticket in 2016. Funny enough, a lot of Democrats would be happy if the GOP ran that ticket too.

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So with the latest college football rankings, the highest ranked 1 loss team (at #13) is Alabama. “I’m shocked,” said nobody

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Ben Carson now says that many immigrants sneaking across the Mexico border “are hardened criminals’’ not from Latin America but from Iraq, Somalia and Russia. USA Today, however, reports that DHS said in 2013, nearly 93% caught at the border came from Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras or El Salvador.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I always thought you needed math to get into med school.

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#‎SFGiants‬ now have about a .01% chance of making the post season this year. So approximately the same chance as the ‪#‎SF49ers‬

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Ted Cruz today made a rousing speech to a conservative group promising to end the “persecution of religious liberty.” Uh, Senator Cruz, to paraphrase Inigo Montoya “I do not think this phrase means what you think it means.”

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From T.C.   “Martin Shkreli, the CEO of a pharmaceutical firm raised the price of a prescription drug from $13.50 to $750. In related news, Whole Foods said they may be interested in hiring him.”

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Flowing robes.

September 24, 2015

Pope-mania has really taken hold in the U.S. Nice to see the country so excited about an older person in a skirt who isn’t Caitlyn Jenner.

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Pope Francis’s visit and the resulting security has meant many businesses just closing for a few days. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about another immigrant hurting American jobs.

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The original CSI is finally coming to an end Sunday with a 2 hour finale, after 15 years. Guess they didn’t wanted to change the title to “CSI – Assisted Living.”

After Elton John was pranked earlier this month he now got a REAL call from the Russian President. Have to wonder if the singer’s initial response this time was. “Are you Putin me on?”

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The NBA has promised that for next year’s Finals, they will mandate at least two days between games any time teams have to change cities. So expect the 2016 champion to be crowned about the 4th of July.

They’re expecting gridlock in Manhattan because of the Pope’s visit. Or as New Yorkers call it, Friday.

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Supreme Court judges Scalia, Alito and Thomas skipped the Pope’s address to Congress. Well, it’s not like they are Catholic or anything. Oops, never mind….

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Tom Brady’s jersey is the number one seller in the NFL this year. That’s really going to inflate his ego.

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For the first time in a decade, the number of children in foster care in the U.S has risen, and is now over 415,000. You’d think maybe just a few of these “pro-life” types would spend time and money on trying to help them….

Republicans are so sure they will hold Congress and win the White House in 2016, wouldn’t you think that they’d maybe ease up on this minority-shutting-down-the-government concept, so as not to give Democrats ideas?

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In Texas, with the case where two football players attacked a referee, the University Interscholastic League, which is in charge of high school sports, says they are not making any decisions about punishments at least until they can hold another hearing next month.

Sounds like they learned their concept of swift justice from the NFL.

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Bill Littlejohn.  “An extra point kicked by Midland Lee High School (TX) bounced off of a referee’s head and went through the uprights.  So was the ref any relation to Jose Canseco?”

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