Posted tagged ‘Papelbon jokes’

Choked up?

September 27, 2015

Hundreds of thousands people apparently showed up today in Philadelphia to see the Pope. It being Philly, you have to wonder how many who showed up to see Francis actually booed him.

Of course, the Pope is not a stupid man. He picked a time of year to visit Philadelphia when there was zero chance of snowballs.

So ‪#‎Papelbon‬ is looking like he’s through with the ‪#‎Nationals‬. Is the closer trying to earn a tryout with the ‪#‎Redskins‬ defense?

Although I suppose it could be said that by putting his hands on Harper’s neck,  Papelbon was just trying to do to Bryce what the Nats have done on the field since he arrived.

Colts‬ fans hoped their team would “Suck for Luck.” Time for ‪#‎49ers‬ fans to hope team will “Slack off for Goff?

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Every time I hear Hillary Clinton talk about the email issues, just wonder why she didn’t come out and say “Look, you really think I understood any of this stuff at first? When it comes to computers my basic reaction has been ‘Does it turn on, can I log in?”
Thinking she’d have gotten a lot more sympathy from those of us whose kids roll their eyes at our ineptitude with technology. And from the younger generation who laughs at their parents.
Barry Zito, 37, and Tim Hudson, 40, were both given ovations in their short starts yesterday. “Well deserved for two nice young men” said Jamie Moyer.
Mark Zuckerberg at the UN said that expanding internet access to global communities could help ‘lift them out of poverty.” Possibly, although here in the U.S. internet access can keep people too busy playing games to find a job.
Congress is going to be a different place without John Boehner in November. For starters, the Kleenex consumption in the House will go way down ‪#‎nomoretears‬
A poll of Republicans at the Voting Values Summit said they preferred a Ted Cruz-Ben Carson ticket in 2016. Funny enough, a lot of Democrats would be happy if the GOP ran that ticket too.

So with the latest college football rankings, the highest ranked 1 loss team (at #13) is Alabama. “I’m shocked,” said nobody

Ben Carson now says that many immigrants sneaking across the Mexico border “are hardened criminals’’ not from Latin America but from Iraq, Somalia and Russia. USA Today, however, reports that DHS said in 2013, nearly 93% caught at the border came from Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras or El Salvador.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I always thought you needed math to get into med school.

#‎SFGiants‬ now have about a .01% chance of making the post season this year. So approximately the same chance as the ‪#‎SF49ers‬

Ted Cruz today made a rousing speech to a conservative group promising to end the “persecution of religious liberty.” Uh, Senator Cruz, to paraphrase Inigo Montoya “I do not think this phrase means what you think it means.”

From T.C.   “Martin Shkreli, the CEO of a pharmaceutical firm raised the price of a prescription drug from $13.50 to $750. In related news, Whole Foods said they may be interested in hiring him.”

Making adjustments?

September 15, 2014

Jonathan Papelbon was ejected from yesterday’s game for making a lewd gesture to fans as he left the mound. The gesture was almost as obscene as the Phillies’ play this season. (Philadelphia, at $175 million, has the third highest payroll in MLB.)

 

MLB suspended Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon seven games for his gesture and then bumping an umpire yesterday. So he misses half the team’s remaining games. Other Phillies players are wondering, how could we get so lucky?

Apparently Miss Nebraska had a wardrobe malfunction during the evening gown competition for Miss America last night and accidentally flashed viewers. A few more incidents like that and Americans will actually tune into the pageant.

Russell Pearce, a former Arizona state senator, resigned as the state’s GOPs 1st vice chair. After criticism from members of his own party for saying.”You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get [women recipients] Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations,” Now, were his fellow Republicans condemning him for being anti-women, or pro-birth control?

Coca Cola is bringing back “Surge”, a “loaded” Mountain Dew knock-off from the 1990s. Because we don’t have enough overly caffeinated kids on sugar highs?

As of today,  #AdrianPeterson‬ is playing next weekend in New Orleans. Are ‪#‎Saints‬ defenders allowed to use sticks?

 

From Michael Hayne  “Adrian Peterson needs to know that if you want to abuse a kid, you make them dress in a pink bunny costume for Halloween.”Too true.

Or you do as a friend threatened her son starting in middle school, if he ever really misbehaved she would show up at his games and say “Hey sweetie, you forgot your lunch, and I cut the crusts off the sandwich just like you like it. Now come here and give mommy a big kiss.”

Seriously though, regarding this ‪#‎AdrianPeterson‬ story and the debate over corporal punishment. Methinks the narrative has been sidetracked. I am from the generation that often got spanked. And many of us didn’t spank our own children. But there’s a difference between a spanking, even a hard spanking, and drawing blood and leaving visible injuries.

Say what you want about the potential distraction of openly gay men in professional sports – and my guess is that in a generation it will be a non-issue – but at least they don’t father flocks of illegitimate children.

 

 

 

University of Miami backup QB Kevin Olsen, 19, was arrested on charges of DUI and possession of a fake or stolen driver’s license. Olsen apparently had FIVE driver’s licenses with him. Wonder what tipped off the police that he was drunk…when he couldn’t figure out which license to show them?

 

Apparently some U.S. women are getting recruited to join the Islamic State. So what exactly do they get offered? Not seeing the allure of 72 virgins.

Hillary Clinton was in Iowa this weekend, ostensibly to campaign for other Democrats, although she admitted “I’m thinking about it.” And this week no doubt she will slam Obama for not being able to make decisions.

Mets rookie star Jacob deGrom tied a modern MLB record by striking out the first eight batters he faced today. Amazing. Especially since deGrom didn’t have the advantage of pitching against his own team.