Posted tagged ‘RNC jokes’

Not a dream

July 21, 2016

 

“I gratefully accept your nomination for President of United States”. So okay, who was holding out a shred of hope ‪#‎Trump‬ might say “Just kidding?

So regarding the hashtag ‪#‎TrumpIsWithYou‬. Can America get a restraining order?

So somehow I missed the part about poor young American women having modeling jobs taken from them by immigrants. ‪#‎TrumpSpeech‬

Just guessing during this campaign that ‪#‎Trump‬ is not going to be plagiarizing Teddy Roosevelt on that “speak softly” part.

If ‪#‎Trump‬ is half as wonderful a boss to little people as his daughter claims wonder why 1 or 2 of them aren’t speaking at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ?

Tom Barrack, about Trump “You learn how to be a man by watching your father.” So does that mean Donald Jr, and Eric will soon be trading in their wives for younger models?

“When you have my father in your corner you will never have to worry about being let down”. Unless you married him. ‪#‎Ivanka

 

If America really wants an orange president is it too late to draft an oompa loompa?

If America was half as bad as ‪#‎Trump‬ is saying tonight why are all these immigrants trying to come here?

 

Now I understand why ‪#‎Trump‬ is so orange. Because it makes it impossible to tell how red he is in the face.

So wonder how many of those ‪#‎RNC‬ delegates who actually cheered Trump talking about ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ community knew he was talking about gay people?

Trump Campaign chief Paul Manafort on sexism allegations, some women will vote Trump because their HUSBANDS “have trouble paying for family bills,”

 

Wonder how many reasonable Republicans are wondering how quickly we could repeal the 22nd amendment? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎Trump‬ ‪#‎Obama3rdterm‬

Uh, does ‪#‎Trump‬ know that ‪#‎MikePence‬ did such a good job in Indiana that he might not have been re-elected this November?

So ‪#‎Ivanka‬ takes about “affordable and accessible child care.” Uh, has she listened to her father about that wall? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Is this what it felt like to be watching in early 1930s Germany? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

#‎SFGiants‬ had night off. Fans who turned in to ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ discovered there are scarier things than Casilla coming in with a 1 run lead.

To extend her 15 minutes, ‪#‎RielleHunter‬ brings 8-yr-old daughter w/ ‪#‎JohnEdwards‬ on ‪#‎GMA‬. Reminds us both ‪#‎Dems‬ & ‪#‎GOP‬ make bad VP choices.

Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ former mistress, has written a book children’s book, let their 8-yr-old daughter illustrate it, and has now given an interview with Good Morning America, along with the kid by her side, on what “great co-parents” she and her ex-lover are.
Uh, just thinking even a semi-great parent wouldn’t throw a poor little girl who was born into pretty embarrassing circumstances, into the public eye. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixnarcissisticeither‬.

Many RNC delegates thought ‪#‎TedCruz‬ was condescending, and that’s before they had to look up “servile.” ‪#‎servilepuppydog‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

Now it looks like not only does Melania Trump not have a college degree in design and architecture as claimed, she may not even have attended university. So maybe she didn’t even learn there was a thing called “plagiarism.”

Silly commotion over ‪#‎MegynKelly‬‘s top at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ yesterday. Could have been worse, person in skimpy outfit could’ve been ‪#‎ChrisChristie‬

Ted Cruz is being attacked by many at the RNC for saying last night to “vote your conscience.” For implying that most of them HAVE a conscience?

 

Reports are that the NBA is moving the 2017 All-Star game from Charlotte to New Orleans over North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. And guessing players are thrilled over this display of progressive values- who wouldn’t prefer to spend the week in New Orleans?

MLB commissioner Rob Manfred talked today about limiting the use of relievers “Our relief pitchers have become so dominate at the back end that they actually rob action out of the end of the game, the last few innings of the game.”
Uh, clearly Manfred hasn’t been staying up late enough to watch many SF Giants games.

Today is ‪#‎NationalJunkFoodDay‬ Come on, this is America, EVERY day is National Junk Food Day.

A new company has developed, “Modobag,” which they say is the world’s first rideable motorized luggage And you think travelers rushing through the airports while looking at their phones are a menace now

Dreaming?

July 20, 2016

Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower.  #Dallas

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ feeling sorry for ‪#‎Dodgers‬ with ‪#‎Kershaw‬ potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship ‪#‎Cain‬ to ‪#‎LA‬ as a replacement.

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.

 

Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.

 

Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?

 

Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Reports are that John ‪#‎Kasich‬ turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?

So wait, if ‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. ‪#‎IOYIYR‬ ‪#‎IOKIYT‬ (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)

 

‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”

 

After watching ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ a lot of people are thinking by comparison that ‪#‎OscarsNotSoWhite‬

So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?

 

So @realDonaldTrump says ‪#‎TedCruz‬ didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.

Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.

A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

 

Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.

How often does @HillaryClinton applaud ‪#‎TedCruz‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Did ‪#‎Trump‬ give ‪#‎TedCruz‬ an ‪#‎RNC‬ speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? ‪#‎Fearfactor‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

‎MikePence‬, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎WTF‬?

Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

 

Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

It must be Hillary’s fault

July 18, 2016

Now she’s rubbed off on the latest Mrs. Trump.   #plagiarism #crookedmelania?

To be fair someone who’s repeated same marriage vows 3 times probably doesn’t have a real problem with plagiarism. ‪#‎Melania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

 

So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized? ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Before the plagiarism allegation popped up, that moment when a Presidential candidate’s third wife talks about how loyal he is. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎RNC2016‬

#‎RNCinCLE‬ is so backwards we could be watching in black and white. Except that there is almost no black and too much white.

So far ‪#‎Trump‬‘s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ is proving you can’t have a circus without elephants.

 

Leborn James today officially told the Cavs that he is returning to Cleveland. But not presumably this week during the convention.

#‎Melania‬ Trump, “Donald gets things done.” She should know; including the divorces from his first two wives.

This Republican convention makes you long for the comparative sanity of ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬

Another reason to dislike Trump in Northern California. By his VP choices he has sullied the name of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ beloved right fielder. ‪#‎Pence‬

The GOP managed to stop an attempted voice vote today over convention rules. The anti-Trump people clearly erred, they should have tied their protest to defunding Obamacare.

Trump on Obama’s response to the latest police shootings: “sometimes the words are OK, but you just look at the body language, there’s something going on. Look, there’s something going on, and the words are not often OK, by the way.”
Again, this is the Donald trying to be in Presidential mode.

Although Trump does seem a bit obsessed with Obama’s body language. Maybe he’s getting old. Used to be the Donald only cared about body language in a swimsuit competition.

Paul Ryan is being mocked for a large selfie with GOP interns that was whiter than a picture of polar bears in winter. Forget the open carry of guns, clearly some people cannot be trusted with selfie sticks.

Christopher Correa, the former Cardinals scouting director, was sentenced to 46 months in prison Monday for hacking the Houston Astros’ player personnel database and email system. Correa was the only person charged in the case.
St. Louis chairman Bill DeWitt Jr, had said it was “roguish behavior” by a handful of individuals.
Didn’t they say the same thing at first about Watergate?

(and as a number of friends pointed out, 46 months is longer than some people get for rape and DUI murders in this country.  #priorities)

In Chicopee, Massachusetts, a 15 year old boy was killed after, while looking for a friend in the afternoon, he knocked on the side door of the wrong house, and the homeowner shot him. ‪#‎ifonlytheboyhadbeenarmed‬

(and for the record, both the boy and the homeowner were white.)

TC brings up the next worry facing Americans – and Canadians-  let’s hope Melania does not steal our jokes.

How embarrassing.

April 2, 2010

Apparently the Republican National Committee accidentally listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. And across America husbands are telling wives who found their credit card statements “Really, honey, I was just trying to donate to the Republicans.”


The RNC accidentally listed a phone sex number on one of their fundraising solicitations. How potentially embarrassing! There are now all these phone sex workers who are afraid their parents might think they work for the Republican party.


California senate candidate Carly Fiorina was embarrassed earlier this week by sending a Passover greeting to her supporters which talked about “breaking bread” with friends and families. (Leavened bread is prohibited during Passover)

Fiorina apologized if any of her Jewish supporters and staff were offended, and said that in honor of the holiday, she promised to order all her campaign offices a specially made lunch of matzo-crusted pepperoni pizza.


Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested at the Cleveland Airport when TSA officials found a loaded .45-caliber hand gun in his carry-on bag. Even Gilbert Arenas said “Dude, what were you THINKING?”


So what was the origin of April Fool’s Day? One guess, it started at Wrigley Field on Opening Day when a sellout crowd all insisted “This is our year to win it all.”


Of course, how many people in Chicago think that “Passover” just commemorates another year that a championship has passed over the Cubs?


According to Butler coach Brad Stevens, even though his local team is staying at a hotel Thursday and Friday night before their first Final Four game, the players still were shuttled to class Thursday and Friday morning. Said Duke’s Coach K and Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. “That’s discipline.” Said West Virginia’s Bob Huggins “What’s class?”

(For four of the years when Huggins was at Cincinnati he had a ZERO graduation rate.)

President Obama apparently had a very productive conversation with Chinese President Hu about the nuclear summit while Air Force One was idling on the ground at Andrews Air Force Base. If talking from a plane on the tarmac produces good results, just think what Obama could accomplish if he started flying JetBlue

Watching an ad for California Prop 16 – “Taxpayers’ Right to Vote” – which aims to keep cities and counties out of the power business. It’s backed by P G & E. Why does it seem like any time “Taxpayers’ Rights” are invoked in a proposition, it means big money for some corporation?

March madness – chick version.

March 30, 2010

So Xavier and Stanford played a exciting game to get to the women’s final four, which the top-seeded Cardinal won 55-53 on a buzzer-beating lay-up by Jeanette Pohlen. Both teams, however, missed basket after basket, and ended up shooting the low 30 percent range from the floor.

Forget the congratulatory call from President Obama, with shooting like that, both teams played like they wanted a call from former V.P. Dick Cheney.


In fact, the Stanford women played one of their worst games of the season against Xavier, shooting 32 % from the floor. And won only after a Xavier player missed two easy layups, and Jeanette Pohlen was able to drive with four seconds left for a buzzer-beating layup of her own. This wasn’t just pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this was pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat and resuscitating it.


Over in the other Elite Eight matchup, Duke was upset by Baylor. The Bears were led by Brittney Griner, the talented 6’8″ freshman who is probably best known for both for being able to dunk, and for being suspended for punching another player. Wonder had she played yesterday, if the Baylor men would have upset Duke too.

The New Jersey Nets avoided a tie for an NBA worst ever season tonight by beating the playoff-bound Spurs. Might be one of the worst losses in San Antonio history not involving the Alamo.


Shocking news of the day. Ricky Martin has admitted he’s gay. What’s next, Nancy Pelosi admitting she’s had “a little work done?”


The Tea Party Express is heading off on a 43 city cross-country anti-government bus tour. Well, I sure hope they are staying off the federally-funded interstate highways.


A New York State Senator, Eric Adams, has launched a campaign to discourage kids from wearing saggy pants. He released a YouTube video urging the younger generation to “pull their pants up.” Shame he didn’t have a campaign earlier urging Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson to “keep their pants up.”


Apparently the Republican National Committee spent $2000 in February at “Voyeur,” which describes itself as a high-end nightclub” with “impromptu bondage and S and M scenes.” Hmm. And they criticize the Democrats “stimulus package?!!.”


No one will admit with the RNC who exactly spent the money at “Voyeur,” so we don’t know exactly whose package was being stimulated.


Shocked Republicans acknowledge it could be worse. The RNC at least spent the money at perhaps the only strip club in West Hollywood that features women.


From Bill Littlejohn:

“First it was Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlesberger who faced an assault charge and now his favorite receiver, Santonio Holmes is being sued for battery. While they’re not baseball players, does this still make them them assault and battery mates?”