Posted tagged ‘Tea Party jokes’

Big Time Timmy Jim

June 25, 2014

This is Xena, the voodoo cat, during the 9th inning of Tim Lincecum’s  no-hitter today. #keepcalm #Wegotthis


Okay #Dodgers, so your ace threw a great game last week. But let’s see him throw a no-no and get on base 3 times with two hits in the same game. Your move, Kershaw. #SFGiants

The SF Giants are undefeated when Tim Lincecum throws a no-hitter.


It’s just one day, but earlier this year I’ heard a few people in the SF area say if the Giants only hadn’t made that ill-fated Carlos Beltran trade with the NY Mets they could have Zach Wheeler starting instead of Lincecum. Wheeler was knocked out after 2 innings today by the As with 6 earned runs….

Apparently only two pitchers in history have 2 Cy Youngs, 2 World Series titles and 2 no-hitters – #TimLincecum & #SandyKoufax @SFGiants

In the 7th inning of the no-hitter,  SF Giants announcer Mike Krukow said Tim Lincecum, who was laughing and joking with his teammates, was not observing “normal traditions.” Anyone else never expect to hear #Lincecum and “normal” in same sentence?

USA Today Headline of “Lebron James’ seven best options for free agency.” They listed seven teams. The eighth and most option though “Keeping his mouth shut.”

Hillary Clinton now says she was “unartful” in talking about her family’s money. Now, I may well end up voting for Hillary, but “unartful” is a fancy way of saying “stupid.”

When a South Carolina couple missed their Carnival Cruise because they didn’t have proper ID, they rented a car and drove down the coast to get the IDs and catch the ship in Florida. En route they got into a fight and the husband is now being held on charges of attempted murder. Lots of cruisers have to be glad they didn’t get between this guy and the last shrimps on the buffet line.

Luis Suarez may be suspended by FIFA after yesterday’s “incident.” On a brighter note the Uruguay star might get an endorsement contract from New York for an ad campaign to “Take a Bite of the Big Apple.”


With Nigerians focused on their game against Argentina Wednesday morning, did that mean Americans are seeing a lot fewer opportunities this morning to get rich in their email in-boxes?


Love this report from a client traveling this morning on United. Flight attendant asks people in both exit rows if they are willing and able to help in an emergency. Guy in the first exit row points to his seatmates and says “Let me translate for them, they don’t speak English.”

The Supreme Court ruled today that police need a warrant to search the contents of a cell phone seized during an arrest. The ruling was unanimous. Unanimous? Did Sonia Sotomayor bring back some brownies to share from a trip to Colorado?


Hueytown. Alabama, hometown of the Heisman winner, has declared July 5, “Jameis Winston Day.” Presumably restaurants in town will be advertising “crab so cheap it’s almost free!”

In Mississippi, losing Tea Party candidate Chris McDaniel indicated he may sue over Democrats, many of them African-American, voting for Thad Cochran in the GOP primary. And presumably McDaniel wants to do something about those pesky 15th and 19th amendments while he is at it.

Georgia police now say they have evidence that a man who said he accidentally left his child to die in a hot car, did so deliberately. If so, and he is convicted of murder can someone accidentally leave him handcuffed in the back of a police car for a summer day?

California fined #wholefoods $800,000 for illegally overcharging customers. How could they tell?

(Jon N. “Where do they draw the line between legally overcharging and illegally overcharging?”)



John Boehner says he will sue President Obama over excessive use of executive orders. And says he has so far issued 168 of them. The horror. Compared I guess to that strict constitutionalist George W. Bush, who issued 291.

Friday night tacky.

July 23, 2011

Bail was set at $1 million for the Southern California woman who allegedly took a knife to her husband’s penis and put it down the garbage disposal.

Guess they were afraid she was likely to cut and run.

Need a diet aid?   Just read up about the relationship between “Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, 51, and his 16-year-old wife Courtney Stodden.  The couple, who married in May, gave an intimate interview to “E” news.

“I’ve got to say, if there’s only one caveat to the ocean between our [ages], I wished I was a virgin when we met,” 
“It’s fine that he wasn’t!” she exclaimed. “He’s a tiger!”

Even Hugh Hefner is thinking “That’s just gross.”

Two famous stars on the Tonight Show Friday night – Dolly Parton was Jay’s guest.

With all these back and forth accusations of lying and not dealing in good faith, I’m getting confused. Does Congress have something to do with the lockout and the NFL with the debt ceiling?

Wonder what would happen if God actually whispered in the ear of one of these Tea Party types “Any of you read the Bible? Jesus would tax the rich.”

Best wishes to Christopher Schwarzengger, 13, who is fortunately expected to make a full recovery from his injuries. But the AP has it a little wrong with the lead sentence: “Arnold Schwarzenegger’s youngest son is recovering in a hospital after a body-boarding accident at a Malibu beach.”

And they wonder why U.S. airlines have such a bad reputation – Continental’s phone response today “Your call will be answered between one hour and two minutes and one hour and twenty minutes from now.”

Of course, it does beat (barely) the “Due to a high volume of calls, we are unable to take your call at this time.”  With a hangup and then busy signal.

Bristol Palin is continuing her book tour, and Thursday night on Dr. Drew said she was “stupid” to lie to her mother about the spring night in 2006 she lost her virginity to Levi Johnson. Okay, fine, and she was somehow on a higher plain the next couple years, since Tripp was born in late December 2008?

New York 17,  Oakland 7.   Uh, I know I’ve heard talk of a deal.  But how did I miss the start of the NFL preseason?

From Zev Karlin-Neumann:  “It’s supposed to be 100+ degrees and stormy in DC Saturday. I say hold the debt ceiling talks outside until there’s a deal…”

A judge has rejected the Los Angeles Dodgers’ proposed $150 million bankruptcy financing plan. Guess he figured the plan was as likely to succeed as their team on the field this season.

On an actual serious note, I don’t agree with everything President Obama does. But amazed by the vitriol from some Democrats. Guess they thought when Barack was talking about compromise across the aisle and “no blue states and no red states” that he was just kidding?

What if all these candidates like Perry and Bachmann really are hearing God’s voice telling them to run? Does this mean God is a frustrated stand-up comic?  (Or as Paul Seaburn says, “No, just a comedy writer looking for four more years of material.”)

Mitt Romney has Meg Whitman as finance director for his 2012 Presidential run. Because nothing says you can make responsible decisions about our nation’s economy like hiring someone who spent $150 million on her own failed campaign.”

Baseball and other games…

April 16, 2010

The Oakland As are discounting tickets to their April 20-22 series against the New York Yankees to as little as $9 each. So what does that mean? New York fans could buy a cheap roundtrip flight and game tickets probably for less than they could see a game at Yankee Stadium!

The Los Angeles Angels are 3-7, their worst start since 2002. I don’t know if this is a worse omen for them or the San Francisco Giants.

The volcano in Iceland is playing havoc with European air travel. And here many of us naively thought the biggest eruption we’d see this April would come from Milton Bradley.

On top of all the earthquakes and floods, now volcanic ash from Iceland has delayed and canceled over 10,000 flights to and from Europe. It’s only April, but for Time’s “Person of the Year” for 2010, can I nominate Mother Nature?

commie pinko sidebar:

Regarding all these Tea Partiers who are screaming bloody murder about wasteful government spending on things like the stimulus and health care. Isn’t there just ONE of them who would decry the trillion or so dollars the U.S. government has spent since we invaded Iraq?

And there was a big Tea Party rally against excessive government spending today in Washington, D.C.. Many people brought their families. Wonder if afterwards they took the kids to the Smithsonian.

back to sports etc.

The top-seeded Washington Capitals were upset by the eight-seeded Montreal Canadians Thursday night, a day after the San Jose Sharks fell to the Colorado Avalanche. Will the theme of this year’s NHL playoff’s be “Another number one bites the dust?”

March madness – chick version.

March 30, 2010

So Xavier and Stanford played a exciting game to get to the women’s final four, which the top-seeded Cardinal won 55-53 on a buzzer-beating lay-up by Jeanette Pohlen. Both teams, however, missed basket after basket, and ended up shooting the low 30 percent range from the floor.

Forget the congratulatory call from President Obama, with shooting like that, both teams played like they wanted a call from former V.P. Dick Cheney.

In fact, the Stanford women played one of their worst games of the season against Xavier, shooting 32 % from the floor. And won only after a Xavier player missed two easy layups, and Jeanette Pohlen was able to drive with four seconds left for a buzzer-beating layup of her own. This wasn’t just pulling a rabbit out of a hat, this was pulling a dead rabbit out of a hat and resuscitating it.

Over in the other Elite Eight matchup, Duke was upset by Baylor. The Bears were led by Brittney Griner, the talented 6’8″ freshman who is probably best known for both for being able to dunk, and for being suspended for punching another player. Wonder had she played yesterday, if the Baylor men would have upset Duke too.

The New Jersey Nets avoided a tie for an NBA worst ever season tonight by beating the playoff-bound Spurs. Might be one of the worst losses in San Antonio history not involving the Alamo.

Shocking news of the day. Ricky Martin has admitted he’s gay. What’s next, Nancy Pelosi admitting she’s had “a little work done?”

The Tea Party Express is heading off on a 43 city cross-country anti-government bus tour. Well, I sure hope they are staying off the federally-funded interstate highways.

A New York State Senator, Eric Adams, has launched a campaign to discourage kids from wearing saggy pants. He released a YouTube video urging the younger generation to “pull their pants up.” Shame he didn’t have a campaign earlier urging Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson to “keep their pants up.”

Apparently the Republican National Committee spent $2000 in February at “Voyeur,” which describes itself as a high-end nightclub” with “impromptu bondage and S and M scenes.” Hmm. And they criticize the Democrats “stimulus package?!!.”

No one will admit with the RNC who exactly spent the money at “Voyeur,” so we don’t know exactly whose package was being stimulated.

Shocked Republicans acknowledge it could be worse. The RNC at least spent the money at perhaps the only strip club in West Hollywood that features women.

From Bill Littlejohn:

“First it was Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlesberger who faced an assault charge and now his favorite receiver, Santonio Holmes is being sued for battery. While they’re not baseball players, does this still make them them assault and battery mates?”