Posted tagged ‘volcano jokes’

Is the fog lifting…?

April 21, 2010

In the Sharks- Avalanche NHL playoff game tonight, Dan Boyle scored the first goal. Into the correct net. Wonder if he’s the first NHL player ever to score back-to-back playoff goals for two different teams?

Heard about the new Icelandic volcano cocktail? Just one and you may not be able to make it home.

(And as Alex Kaseberg adds – it will knock you on your ash.)

The San Francisco Giants lost a game Tuesday 1-0 when their starting pitcher Jonathan Sanchez threw a one-hitter. They have scored three runs in three games. This is the kind of performance that makes fans want to fire the hitting coach. Assuming the team HAS a hitting coach.

The Chicago Cubs have lost four in a row, and to the lowly Astros and Mets no less. Well, it’s only April, but looks like the team is already in mid-summer form.

Donovan McNabb is apparently urging his new team, the Washington Redskins, to sign his old teammate Terrell Owens. Looks like another chapter in the future book “Smart Quarterbacks, Foolish Choices.”

As part of a promotion for the Robogames, the San Francisco 49ers put their kicker, Joe Nedney, up against Ziggy the Robot in a kicking competition. Nedney won. Undaunted, Ziggy has asked for a throwing competition against JaMarcus Russell.

“420” has become a code word for marijuana consumption and as such has sparked pot smoking parties on April 20 across the country. Curiously enough, 420 is also the number of calories in two original Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

The Icelandic volcanic air chaos seems to be abating for now. But worries about future eruptions may have a long-term effect on government travel as the U.S doesn’t want high-level officials stranded. Hillary Clinton, for example, may be spending a lot more time at home. And Bill Clinton just asked that Iceland be added to the “axis of evil.”

Kate Gosselin was kicked off “Dancing with the Stars” tonight. Which means she will just have to go back home to her regular daily life of ignoring her children.

Unlifting clouds..

April 20, 2010

By the way, to any readers who have noticed, I usually try to post on a daily basis. Must not have hit “publish” last night, so this will be two posts back-to-back. Put it down to volcanic ash.

Actually, this Icelandic volcano with the unpronounceable name may end up responsible for more travel disruptions and delays than anything else in air travel history. In fact, some are already nicknaming it the “JetBlue” volcano.

Apparently George Washington has racked up over a $300,000 fine for some books he borrowed from a New York library in 1789 and has never returned. Well, as far as Presidential misbehavior, that’s one crime that will never be laid at the feet of George W. Bush.

A day later, the Sharks’ own goal looks, if anything, worse. Of course, if San Jose comes back and wins, it will be largely forgotten. If they lose, well, even Bill Buckner says “At least I didn’t hit a home run against my own team.”

Speaking of the Red Sox, die-hard fans who remember more of the suffering years than the two World Series wins, the only silver lining to the team’s horrible start? At least they may not have to worry about a late-season collapse.

An AP-CNBC poll reported showed that most Americans don’t support the legalization of marijuana. Well, maybe not exactly. Only 33 percent said they were in favor of it. But of the rest of them some significant number apparently replied “Dude, I don’t know, what was the question again?”

The International Cannabis and Hemp Expo, in Daly City just south of San Francisco, was the 1st U.S. trade show in the U.S. to allow on-site pot smoking.. The Expo was able to offer temporary medicinal marijuana permits and had over 15,000 attendees. Nearby stores say they hope within a few days to be able to restock a normal supply of Doritos.

Bad timing award – to Greek air traffic controllers who wanted to call attention to their battle with the government over proposed cutback, and planned a strike for April 22 and 23. They hoped to shut down the Greek airports and cause major travel disruptions.

Like at this point anyone will notice…

The Toronto Blue Jays beat the Kansas City Royals Monday night before the smallest crowd in Blue Jays’ history. How bad was it, at some points confused fans started chanting “Go Expos.”

Crimes and misdemeanors…

April 17, 2010

A suburban Sacramento couple pleaded not guilty to child endangerment charges for allegedly leaving their baby in a car while they gambled at a casino. Bail was set at $50,000. The judge apparently turned down the couples’ request to make it “double or nothing.”

President Obama got mixed reviews for his plans to revamp NASA. At least he didn’t promise to fix a real hopeless mess in Houston, like the Astros.

Not so much a joke as a fact: When it comes to disrupting air travel, terrorists have nothing on Mother Nature.

At this point, the volcanic ash cloud may have actually delayed and disrupted more people’s travel plans than JetBlue.

And in related news, for the next several months Ryanair plans to charge passengers an “ash cleaning fee.”

True volcano humor to make you laugh or cry. A client is booked tomorrow from Dallas via London to Entebbe, Uganda and of course we don’t know if the planes will fly. But she emailed saying she had heard that the small airport in Glasgow, Scotland was open so would I just change her to fly Dallas-Glasgow-Entebbe?

The Ben Roethlisberger story just gets sleazier and sleazier. He could turn out to be a bigger embarrassment to the NFL than the Detroit Lions.

Although, okay, if I had to make a discussion on the facts as currently known, I would say Ben Roethlisberger is a scumbag at best. And a 28 year old man with his pick of women doesn’t need to be getting college students drunk. But while this BY NO MEANS excuses him, as a woman I have to think, you’re 20 years old…maybe it isn’t the smartest idea to be downing shots with some celebrity in a bar? Especially one with thug bodyguards.

And yet, I have no doubt that still in Pittsburgh this fall, there will be women and girls who wear “Big Ben’s” jersey to games…

Opening reception at the State Democratic Convention in Los Angeles. No speakers but a slideshow honoring Democrats running for state office this fall. Including Barabara Boxer. (No, that’s not a typo, that’s how it was spelled. Over and over.) Yes, I am not a member of any organized party, I’m a Democrat. Sigh.

Carly Fiorina has been facing questions about a bribery scheme while she was CEO of Hewlett-Packard. In 2003, HP employees in Germany allegedly bribed Russians to win a $47 million contract.

A company spokesman, David Shane, was quoted in the Mercury News saying “To suggest that Carly Fiorina, or any other senior executive in Palo Alto then or now, was knowledgeable of these alleged activities is wrong and not supported by the facts.”

So since these bribes were allegedly significant, what did senior executives in Palo Alto (who presumably looked at expenses) think the money was being spent on? Booze and strip clubs?

Baseball and other games…

April 16, 2010

The Oakland As are discounting tickets to their April 20-22 series against the New York Yankees to as little as $9 each. So what does that mean? New York fans could buy a cheap roundtrip flight and game tickets probably for less than they could see a game at Yankee Stadium!

The Los Angeles Angels are 3-7, their worst start since 2002. I don’t know if this is a worse omen for them or the San Francisco Giants.

The volcano in Iceland is playing havoc with European air travel. And here many of us naively thought the biggest eruption we’d see this April would come from Milton Bradley.

On top of all the earthquakes and floods, now volcanic ash from Iceland has delayed and canceled over 10,000 flights to and from Europe. It’s only April, but for Time’s “Person of the Year” for 2010, can I nominate Mother Nature?

commie pinko sidebar:

Regarding all these Tea Partiers who are screaming bloody murder about wasteful government spending on things like the stimulus and health care. Isn’t there just ONE of them who would decry the trillion or so dollars the U.S. government has spent since we invaded Iraq?

And there was a big Tea Party rally against excessive government spending today in Washington, D.C.. Many people brought their families. Wonder if afterwards they took the kids to the Smithsonian.

back to sports etc.

The top-seeded Washington Capitals were upset by the eight-seeded Montreal Canadians Thursday night, a day after the San Jose Sharks fell to the Colorado Avalanche. Will the theme of this year’s NHL playoff’s be “Another number one bites the dust?”