Posted tagged ‘baseball jokes’

Endless playoff love?

April 25, 2016

Oops, this one didn’t get posted yesterday . So a bit out of order…. I blame Obama.

 

Steph Curry’s  MRI has worst case looking 3-5 weeks. The good news for Warriors fans, that’s only about another round of the NBA playoffs.

 

 

The ‪#‎Lakers‬ have fired coach ‪#‎ByronScott‬. Who’s to say ‪#‎KobeBryant‬ didn’t get any results his farewell season?

This week in England they honored Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death in 1616. Curiously enough wasn’t that also Tim Duncan’s rookie year?

Although in truth, LaMarcus Aldridge giving post-game interview after ‪#‎Spurs‬ sweep, said “Tim’s 100 years old, he needs the rest.”

 

Thinking it’s a really good thing San Antonio won today and has a week off, from games and interviews. Because if any reporter made some comment to Popovich about the ‪#‎Spurs‬ being happy to see Curry hurt it would be ugly.

When the Grizzlies were trying to avoid sweep by the Spurs, FedEx Forum had an 18 minute power outage. Usually it isn’t literal to say “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”

Congrats to the Charlotte Hornets for their first playoff win since 2002. To put that in perspective, in 2002 Warriors coach Steve Kerr was still playing for the Spurs. Along with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginoboli….

#‎Yankees‬ are featured on Monday, Wednesday and ‪#‎Sundaynightbaseball‬ this week. Good to know ‪#‎ESPN‬ is already in midseason form.

John Kasich says his campaign is vetting possible vice presidential running mates. In related news, the Houston Rockets are looking at possible dates for a NBA championship parade.

Apparently more than 340,000 people have signed a pledge to boycott Target because the store says it will allow customers to use restrooms and fitting rooms matching their gender identity. But wonder how many more millions are now MORE likely to shop there

Applebee’s is advertising their “2 for $20” menu featuring a burger quesadilla. The sandwich clocks in at about 1,400 calories and over 100 grams of fat. So it’s a good thing it’s a bargain, you need to save the money for a cardiologist.

Seriously, so glad that the ‪#‎Nationals‬ were smart enough to give Dusty Baker another chance. Even if it took Bud Black turning the job down first. Bryce Harper post game today – “To be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day to let us just have fun to let us enjoy this game,…”

 

 

 

Donald Trump says “I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again.” Wow. Promise?! ‪#‎Hillaryjustpickedupalotmoresupporters‬

The wrong kind of splash hit?

April 10, 2016

Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the  ‪#‎Masters‬ might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.

 

So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that ‪#‎SFGiants‬ came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that ‪#‎Cueto‬ went 7 and was winning pitcher?

The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the ‪#‎Phillies‬. Time to throw the jerseys back?

Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?

T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?

 

I know ‪#‎Yankees‬ rule the ‪#‎ESPN‬ world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have ‪#‎Dodgers‬ ‪#‎Giants‬ be the  ‪#Sundaynightbaseball‬ game.  (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)

 

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?

Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave  “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”

Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton.  But hey,  if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.

A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.

 

If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe?   globe

It’s a start.

April 5, 2016

It’s only 1 game, but right this second ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack ‪#‎Greinke‬ & having to sign Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬

Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.

 

All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming ‪#‎GoldenState‬ ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of ‪#‎Spurs‬ starters.

In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.

At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” ‪#‎Disneybustohell‬

 

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”

Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?

A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.

 

A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.

There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.

 

From Alex Kaseberg  “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.

(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)

How sweet it is.

April 3, 2016

Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. ‪#‎OpeningDay‬

 

Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.

 

Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.

 

Enjoyed the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on ‪#‎OpeningDay‬ sucks?

PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?

Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?

Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.

(But to give Wambach credit,  she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)

 

Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.

Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. ‪#‎maybethentheycouldallgetalong‬

The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then  went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half.  And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.

The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?

Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.

Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.

Point – counterpoint?

March 24, 2016

Today ‪#‎Cruz‬ called ‪#‎Trump‬ a “sniveling coward.” So in Presidential debates can we expect one of them to say “‪#‎Hillary‬ you ignorant slut?”

 

The GOP has hammered Obama for staying in Cuba and then traveling to Argentina after the Brussels attacks. Right, a real leader would have stayed home and fought a Twitter battle over his opponent’s spouses?

Today was the 15th anniversary of the day Randy Johnson pulverized a bird with a pitch. Poor bird, if he had only been hit by Barry Zito, he’d have been telling the story to his grandchicks.

#‎RGIII‬ has signed with the Cleveland ‪#‎Browns‬. Same circus, different ringmaster?

 

In Indiana, it is now illegal to abort a pregnancy because of fetal abnormalities. But no doubt the “pro-life” folks will also make sure mothers of disabled babies/children/adults will have welfare and medical care as long as they need it…… ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

In Palm Bay, a 24-year-old woman, angry her boyfriend was at a topless bar, confronted him in the parking lot, fought with him, and then ran him over with a car Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎ifonlyshewasarmed‬

 

Florida looking to extend their lead for the week: A woman and her husband were both arrested after she hit him with a Burrito Supreme and he responded by stabbing her in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza. ‪#‎standyourguacamole‬?

 

Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians, saying only “fools” don’t want their kids to play football. “This is the greatest game in the world I think it teaches more values than any other game that you play.”
Right, that’s why the NFL leads other pro sports leagues with their arrest rate….

You know it’s really spring in Denver when…. a blizzard shuts down the airport.

 

Passengers on board a private plane escaped injury when their landing gear collapsed at San Jose Airport. Good thing it wasn’t United – they’d have probably started to charge a wheels fee.

So in the SF Bay Area March means two things: Next month the Giants are back. And next month the 49ers will make another bad draft pick.

OK, 66 is WAY too damn young. R.I.P Garry Shandling. My favorite quote – “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

Michele Bachmann wrote a long rambling post basically intimating that the Brussels bombings were Obama’s fault because God wanted to force the media to pull their attention from his Cuba trip. Wow. Is Bachmann angling for a post in a possible Trump cabinet?

From Dwight Perry, “If you think the NFL’s “what’s a catch?” rule can be cruel, ponder this for a second: Northern Iowa won an NCAA tournament game on a half-court heave that was still in the air 10 feet from the basket when the final buzzer sounded — and Cincinnati lost even though its tying shot was inside the cylinder at the buzzer. The latter because the shooter’s fingertip was still touching the ball.
Yeah, sports are weird.

 

 

 

 

 

Sliders

February 25, 2016

 

Major League Baseball has changed the rules this year to say runners must make a “bona fide” slide at second base. Chase Utley’s response – “It will definitely help keep guys healthy for sure.” Well, if Utley starts obeying the rule it will certainly keep opposing pitchers from throwing at his head….

#‎MLB‬ will limit mound visits this year to 30 seconds. Well how will players be able to decide on good wedding gifts? ‪#‎Candlesticks‬

Dexter Fowler, who turned down a 1-year $15.8 million qualifying offer with the Cubs, just ended up signing to return to Chicago for $8 million. And then I presume Fowler fired his agent.

ESPN has named Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels as the worst in MLB for 2016. Hmm, is this a challenge for Pablo Sandoval?

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen published a cookbook (what, super models eat?) that included a picture of her dog wearing a collar with Teigen’s personal cellphone number on it. So Chrissy had to change her number.
Well, that ought to do wonders to dispel the image of dumb blondes.

Spelling, another commie-pinko liberal concept:  oklahoma

 

One good thing about tonight’s  ‪#‎GOPDebate‬, easy to listen from the kitchen while cooking dinner without turning up the sound. ‪#‎nonstopshouting‬

 

 

The latest GOP debate knocked the latest mass shootings, in Kansas, right out of the top headline. Once again, just imagine the ratings these debates would get ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

Carnival Cruise Lines is now selling a prepaid drink package that includes wine and spirits up to $50 per serving. With all due respect, if you drink stuff that is that high-end, just guessing you won’t be on Carnival.

Emily Maynard won “the Bachelor,” and then after breaking up with the guy, became “the Bachelorette” got engaged again and broke up with him too. Now married to someone she didn’t meet on TV, Maynard has written a book “I said Yes”, because she thinks God “gave me the platform to help grow his kingdom.”
And God is thinking “What, it’s not enough that I’m getting blamed for Ted Cruz….”

Former Mexico President Vincente Fox on Trump’s plans: “I declare, I’m not going to pay for that f—–g wall.” Well, if the Donald is elected, how long before Canadian PM Justin Trudeau decides they’ll pay for a wall to keep Americans out?

In response to protests from anti-abortion activists Lands’ End has pulled an interview with Gloria Steinem from their website – the feature wasn’t about abortion, but was rather part of a series on “individuals who have made a difference in both their respective industries and the world at large.”
Well, there’s one company to take permanently off my shopping list.

 

Signs of spring.

February 23, 2016

Another sign of the apocalypse: The Chicago Cubs are 4-1 favorites to win the World Series this year.

Many SF Giants fans were broken-hearted when Pablo Sandoval left for Boston. As the pictures emerge of a even larger Panda at spring training for the Red Sox, just imagine how upset those fans would be if he’d signed that $90 million offered contract.

NASA has released an audio recording of Apollo 10 astronauts talking about “outer space type music” from the far side of the moon. Are they sure it wasn’t Pink Floyd?

Starbucks is changing their rewards program to give customers freebies based on dollars spent not number of visits. Which in most cases means double the visits for a freebie. So the coffee chain wants to be as beloved as the airlines?

 

Jean Boyd, the retired Texas judge who sentenced ‘affluenza’ teen Ethan Couch to probation in the first place, for his DUI crash that killed four people, says she doesn’t regret the sentence, and ‘don’t have all the facts’ simply don’t understand the logic behind her decision. Shocking. There was “logic” behind her decision? ‪#‎affluenzaiscatching‬?

Apparently a lot of GOP donors are switching to Marco Rubio. So they think he can out debate Hillary Clinton? Rubio couldn’t even out debate Chris Christie.

 ·

Donald Trump “I hear the Rickets family, who own the Chicago Cubs, are secretly spending $$$s against me. They better be careful, they have a lot to hide!” Almost expect to hear him say next “before someone drops a house on you too?”

So Ted Cruz has apparently asked his national spokesman Rick Tyler to step down, after the latest dirty tricks allegation, this time that the Cruz campaign deliberately posted a fake FB story about Rubio. Well, no worries, am sure it will take about 10 minutes for Tyler to be offered a job with Donald Trump.

Bob Dole has now endorsed Marco Rubio for President. Did Dole say Rubio is the best young candidate he has met since Abe Lincoln?

 

Horrible senseless killings in Kalamazoo. But since the San Bernardino killings basically meant all the GOP candidates wanted tougher regulations against immigrants, can expect the same candidates to call for government to impose tougher regulations against Uber drivers?

So apparently Barbara Bush was the one who got Jeb to drop out, to help preserve the family’s reputation. Shame Jeb didn’t listen to Mom before, when she said there had been “enough Bushes in the White House.”


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