Posted tagged ‘baseball jokes’
August 30, 2019
As SF Giants, with a record right around .500 decide how big an offer to tender Madison Bumgarner, hope they look at team record when he starts since June 20 – 11 and 2.
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Arizona Diamondbacks have now set a major league mediocrity record by being within 2 games of .500 for 60 games.
Some may snicker. But Orioles fans haven’t seen within 2 game of .500 since opening week.’
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Seattle Seahawks waived former Broncos first round pick QB Paxton Lynch, in favor of keeping Gino Smith as Russell Wilson’s backup.
But hey, Lynch will still probably get an offer this season before Colin Kaepernick.
Trump did seem particularly unhinged today. Is he worried about Mar-A-Lago? Or did someone tell him that even though he canceled his Poland trip it would be bad optics this weekend to go golfing?
Trump, asked if he was worried about Mar-A-Lago with Hurricane Dorian “You know, I haven’t even thought about it until the question was just broached a little while ago. Yeah, it would look like Mar-a-Lago is dead center.”
“I haven’t even’t thought about it.”
Two words. Yeah. Right.
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Politico reports that Trump personal aide Madeleine Westerhout was fired for gossiping about Trump and his family – “and that the president did not like being in pictures with Tiffany because he perceived her as overweight.”
Really-really-really round pot, meet less-round kettle.
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Tiffany Trump is a student at Georgetown Law School. If only she had picked a profession where she could someday get back at her father…
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On a brighter note, Trump’s comments about Tiffany have made millions of American dads feel better about their own parenting skills.
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White House says Trump faked phone call with Chinese leaders “to project optimism that might boost markets,” and it barely makes the news cycle.
Meanwhile, for most of us, attempted market manipulation is a felony.
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So the same week Trump attacks Comey for releasing information even Barr’s DOJ wouldn’t indict him over, he tweets out a classified picture from Iran even his Pentagon says he shouldn’t have… Are we great yet?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, dorian jokes, hurrican jokes, madbum jokes
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August 29, 2019
Ok. I get that some people think I’m a little obsessed to be stressed about Democratic Presidential primaries this early. And yet there are folks who are seriously stressed about the scores of week 4 pre-season NFL football.
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With back-to-back home runs today, Minnesota Twins broke the major league record season for most home runs on the road. which was 138. And there’s a full month left in the season.
But sure, Barry Bonds is the one whose home run total should have an asterisk…
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At least for remainder of season can 2019 SF Giants officially retire the term “home field advantage?
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Two weeks after Chris Davis had a dugout confrontation with manager Brandon Hyde, Orioles reliever Richard Bleier and 3rd-base coach Jose David Flores also ended up in a public shouting match in the dugout.
Baltimore fans just wish the team would show that much energy on the field.
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Alex Trebek is back at work taping the new season of “Jeopardy!,” five months after being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.
“What is really good news?”
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Travel rant. Austrian Airlines and Lufthansa are offering a scheduled LEGAL connection between a Vienna to Frankfurt flight and a Frankfurt to San Francisco flight that is 45 minutes!?!
So will transfer assistance be provided by flying pig?
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The latest wannabe mass shooter at High Point University told police he was trying to get into a fraternity and that “if his roommate got into a fraternity and he didn’t, he had a plan to kill his roommate and himself.”
But no, we don’t have an epidemic of white male privilege.
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Interesting timing. Trump wants G7 at Mar-a-Lago and mean bitch Karma along with Mother Nature remind him. “Dude, it’s hurricane season.”
Well, since most bugs can’t swim Hurricane Dorian might take care of the Doral bed bug problem.
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Trump today canceled his trip to Poland. Guess it’s just as well Trump had already canceled Danish part of European trip. Does anyone think Mother Pence would have let Mike have dinner with the very attractive Danish Prime Minister?
Does anyone think Trump would have canceled his trip if he were scheduled to go to Buckingham Palace? Or to one of his rallies? Or to one of his golf resorts?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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August 21, 2019
Baltimore Orioles just tied record of 258 for most home runs allowed in season, set by 2016 Cincinnati Reds who play at the Little League field known as “Great American Ballpark.” Mariners, Angels, Yankees, and Phillies are all on pace to break the record too.
But no, the ball isn’t juiced.
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How juiced is the 2019 MLB baseball? If Duane Kuiper were playing now he’d have hit TWO home runs.
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Houston Astros were one of the largest favorites in MLB game ever when Justin Verlander took mound against the Detroit Tigers tonight.
And they lost 2-1. They also lost in extra innings as huge favorites to the Orioles recently.. And then wonder what the odds were when Verlander started WS Game 1 in 2012 against SF Giants and Barry Zito?
Maybe the Houston should beg Vegas to make them longshots to win the World Series?
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Sean Spicer on #DWTS? Because he has so much experience Dancing with the Truth?
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I’m so old that I remember when Ted Cruz falsely claimed in his Presidential campaign that he “had a president in the White House who has a messiah complex.”
And now that we have one who actually DOES…..?
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If Alec Baldwin on SNL as Trump described himself as “King of Israel,” many Republicans would complain the show had gone too far.
Yet Trump does it for real and GOP just shrugs.
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Trump this morning referred to PM of Denmark as “nasty,” to himself as “King of Israel” and also “the chosen one.”
At this point beginning to think that anyone who doesn’t think he’s pathological is themselves pathological.
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So where are all those in GOP who lost their collective sh*t over Obama’s executive orders now that Trump says he’s “very seriously” looking at trying to change the Constitution by executive order to eliminate birthright citizenship?
Asking for a country.
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The man who referred to Mayor of London as a “stone cold loser,” Justin Trudeau as “dishonest and weak, and to Africa as having “shithole countries” now responds to Danish PM’s saying his proposal to buy Greenland is “absurd” by calling her “nasty.”
Are we great yet?
So if Governor Gavin Newsom calls Trump “absurd” does that mean that Donald will call off all future trips to California? Oh please oh please…
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, juiced baseball jokes, king of the jews jokes, sean spicer jokes, Trump jokes
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February 19, 2018
Damn, those of us Americans already jealous of Canada for Justin Trudeau have now added Virtue and Moir to the list.
Sorry, ABC viewers tonight. #VirtueAndMoir are so much sexier than ANY episode of #TheBachelor
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So wonder how many men joined their wives and girlfriends tonight watching ice dancing in hopes of another wardrobe malfunction?
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Canadian & German bobsledders are either great sports or have really good looking sisters. #Gold #Olympics (they tied.)
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MLB is going to limit mound visits to 6 per game, by managers, coaches & players combined, without a pitching change. The horror – how will a team discuss wedding presents? #Candlesticksalwaysmakeanicegift
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Last night at NBA All Star game, Roseanne Barr saw her torch for all time worst National Anthem grabbed off the floor by Fergie.
Russia, or rather OAR could lose a bronze medal over alleged doping in… men’s curling. So what will be Alexander Krushelnytsky’s excuse – “chicks dig the long rock?”
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GM Sandy Alderson says he thinks Tim Tebow will “play in the major leagues” someday. Or at least he’ll play for the Mets?
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Sunday was #NationalDrinkWineDay Although since Trump’s inauguration, for many Americans EVERY day has been #NationalDrinkWineDay
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School shooting survivors Emma Gonzalez & David Hogg said today they aren’t attending Trump’s “listening session” this week. That moment when kids have more courage of their convictions than the GOP congress.
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On #PresidentsDay not sure there is anything more damning for our current @POTUS that he thinks grinning “thumbs up” picture after a high school massacre is not only appropriate but should be his Twitter picture.
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I think more teachers would consider being armed if they were allowed to bring their weapons to contract negotiations.
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So now Trump position is that Russia didn’t meddle in 2016 and it was Obama’s fault anyway.
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That moment when POTUS asks his wealthy friends about gun control at Mar-A-Lago, where they are all protected by an armed Secret Service….
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Is it too much to ask for a President who respects the FBI and CIA half as much as he respects the NRA?
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Trump just endorsed Mitt Romney. Apparently he’s so desperate to be on the winning side expect POTUS to endorse Golden State Warriors next.
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and about 45 minutes later, this tweet from Mitt “Thank you Mr. President for the support. I hope that over the course of the campaign I also earn the support and endorsement of the people of Utah.”
So who had “less than an hour” in the “How long would it take Mitt Romney to sell his soul?” pool.
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Whatever you think about @BillClinton, he had friends and associates who remained loyal, even going to jail for him. Just guessing no one will fall on their sword for @realDonaldTrump
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, ice dancing jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes
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October 13, 2017
Congrats to Syracuse and Cal. Would enjoy this more if it didn’t mean more likelihood of 2 SEC teams in the playoffs.
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Now can someone beat #Alabama.
Two top 10 teams have lost before #CollegeGameDay even starts.
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ESPN called WSU vs Call “College Football Primetime.” It’s 1:56a on the East Coast. WTF?
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Apparently never bet against Smokey Bears.#Calfootball #CaliforniaWildfires #bustohell
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Reminder to all those who want to dump on Dusty Baker. He didn’t tell Jose Labaton to take a long lead off 1st base last night.
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Not claiming as a woman sports fan that I know everything. And , maybe not even enough to competently discuss the physicality of routes with Cam Newton. But I sure as hell know that as the tailing runner in a late inning one-run elimination game at HOME you don’t even THINK about the kind of lead that might get you picked off first.
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Thank you #Astros & #Yankees for at least temporarily playing something recognizable as good baseball. #ALDS
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#ARod now says he used PEDs because he felt “responsibility” to bounce back from injuries since the Yankees had invested so much money in him. Again, I think, I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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NFL not moving #Chargers #Raiders game. League feels air will not be that bad, & they don’t need Oakland fans in a couple years anyway.
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Weinstein “We all make mistakes.” Uh, a mistake is a bad night, a bad choice, even maybe a bad relationship. Not a decades-long pattern.
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Saying young healthy people don’t need good health insurance is like saying no one who hasn’t had an accident needs car insurance.
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Trump says he met with “The President of the Virgin Islands.” Can’t wait until November when Donald travels to Hawaii
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Trump also proclaimed week of Oct. 15-21 “National Character Counts Week.” In related news , the Pot has proclaimed Oct 15-21 “National Black Kettle Week.”
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So if you’re looking on a map is Tanzaynia next to Nambia?
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Seriously, if Weinstein is just one of many powerful men guilty of criminal behavior then why doesn’t some actress speak up RIGHT NOW if she’s been the victim of someone else? The climate will never be more supportive and maybe we can remove another predator, or two, from a position of power.
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, weinstein jokes
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October 7, 2017
SF Giants may have just lost the title of “Most Complete Bullpen Meltdown in Recent Playoff History.” #Yankees #ALDS
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On the other hand, the Indians may never lose again.
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Aroldis Chapman “liked” Instagram comment saying that Yankees mgr Joe Girardi was an”imbecile.” Ah for the good old days when players just whined off-the-record to reporters.
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Right about now a whole lot of AL teams, including Red Sox would sign a petition to move the Houston Astros back to the NL #ALDS
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NHL’s Jiri Hudler accused of trying to urinate on food cart, demanding cocaine on Delta flt. Who says hockey players aren’t real athletes?
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Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack
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Apparently Vegas killer tried buying legal tracer ammunition, which lights up when shot. Hunters really need more of advantage against deer?
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Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack
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This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. This year, Canada is thankful they can mostly avoid President Trump.
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So current GOP plan is to deny women birth control & then be out of office when unplanned babies grow up to vote Democratic?
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If Harvey Weinstein was a Trump supporter all of his harassment would have been dismissed as “locker room banter.
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I’m liberal & condemn Harvey Weinstein. Why can’t conservatives condemn pussy-grabber-in-chief?
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When Trump said he was going to drain the swamp he didn’t tell us all the new alligators would be flying in on private planes.
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As Trump gets rid of birth control mandate assume govt will still provide to staffers so Congress won’t have abortion issues w/ mistresses?
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Can a woman-owned company pls file lawsuit saying they feel it’s morally wrong to cover Viagra prescriptions for unmarried men?
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Does Trump know efforts to undo EVERY single Obama action will someday give another President Carte Blanche to undo all of his?
Open notes to @realDonaldTrump on NewOrleans. A) Mayor Landrieu is popular, B) some speak French or Creole but part of US, C)-not an island
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
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September 20, 2017
After a child sitting five rows up was hit by a foul ball at Yankee Stadium, some are calling again for netting all the way to the foul line.
Now, no doubt it was traumatic for the kid, but over 100 years children have also dreamed of getting autographs and souvenir baseballs before and during games. Children can also be injured, for example, in cars driving to the game.
And 3-4 children a year die playing baseball, including Little League. Should we outlaw that too?
Looking at various online sites, at this rate fans going to #Rams #49ers at Levis Stadium Thurs. will pay more for a beer & a hot dog than their tickets.
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Since the SFGiants brought Ryan Vogelsong back to retire a Giant, they have actually looked like a pretty decent baseball team. Coincidence?
My friend Paul S. also points out, the mini-resurgence also coincides with when we heard about Sam Dyson’s cat, Snuckles. And when Dyson brought Snuckles on the field…. Hey, whatever works.
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44 years ago tonight Billie Jean King defeated Bobby Riggs. What’s amazing now is at the time some people were shocked. #BattleoftheSexes
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Great pictures of #JohnKelly during Trumps #UNGA speech. Normally when people look that disgusted in New York they’re watching the Jets.
Trump on Iran nuclear deal “I have decided.” And “I’ll let you know what the decision is.” When, after the break? #PresidentialApprentice
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Seaside, CA, police chief Robert Jackson resigned after posting racist comments and conspiracy theories jokes & commentary on his FB page. Monterey County Weekly reported he didn’t understand the privacy settings: This is alarming to me. I didn’t realize it was that open to the public”
What’s more alarming, that Jackson is a racist, or that he’s stupid enough to post anything online without checking how it works?
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Trump mispronounced African country “Namibia” as “Nambia.” But give him a break, guessing President just heard name for 1st time from advisor yesterday.
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Trump tweet “Graham-Cassidy Bill is GREAT! Ends Ocare.”
Translation, ANYTHING is great if it ends something Obama did.
Sorry that #IvankaTrump had “some level of postpartum depression.” But compared with not being to afford insurance for babies w/ birth defects?
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When asked about Shanah Tovah assume @realDonaldTrump responded whatever Shanah says, she’s lying, wouldn’t have been my first choice.
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#MelaniaTrump gives a speech at UN talking about the golden rule. Donald just has his own version – whoever has the gold makes the rules.
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Trump insists people under proposed #GrahamCassidy bill can get covered for pre-existing conditions. Right, exactly, like they can buy homes in Trump Tower, if they have enough money.
At this point have to assume anyone in Trump administration charged w/ “draining the swamp” would charter private plane to fly & view the swamp
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, un jokes
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April 17, 2017
SF Giants AAA reliever Kyle Crick sustained a concussion in dugout when hit by a foul ball. Was he texting Jeremy Affeldt at the time?
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Just guessing that there aren’t going to be that many game 7s in the first round of the NBA playoffs.
If anyone thinks Spurs are boring to watch, they don’t know basketball. And they certainly haven’t watched Kawhi Leonard
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Rape allegations against former 49er Ray McDonald have been dropped after the alleged victim refused to testify. Well, no doubt she had her rea$on$.
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Boeing announces layoffs of hundreds of engineers, after 1800+ “voluntary layoffs.” in March. Missed Trump tweet taking credit. #Jobsjobsjobs!
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Weeks after a bridge in Atlanta collapsed, another major highway is closed because an underground gas leak caused the fast lane to buckle. But hey, Georgia’s GOP-controlled legislature just passed an income tax cut. Who needs roads? #letthemtakeprivatesplanes
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New Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch asked many questions during oral arguments today. Clarence Thomas – “you can do that?
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Trump when asked for his message today for North Korea. “They have to behave.” “Back at ya” said most of the world now to the US.
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A Southwest Airlines pilot was arrested at Albany Airport for having a loaded gun in his carry-on at a TSA check point. I think I see a new United Airlines marketing campaign – “We might beat you up but we won’t shoot you.”
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Trump tweeted recommendation today for book “Reasons to vote for Democrats.” The blank book is $9.95. is author giving him cut of profits?
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Mike Pence “We’re going to abandon the failed policy of strategic patience” with North Korea. Anyone but me think “having avoided Nuclear war” is not necessarily a failed policy?
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A dying Oregon man apparently passed away happy after his ex-wife, who he was friendly enough with, told him Donald Trump had been impeached. #Thatswhatfriendsarefor
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Trump robocall for the Georgia special election; “If you don’t vote tomorrow Ossoff will raise your taxes, destroy your healthcare and flood our country with illegal immigrants.”
Hmm, considering the GOP would still have a solid House majority Jon Ossoff must be a powerful man indeed.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Southwest jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 23, 2017
San Antonio Spurs tonight paid tribute to WWII vet Richard Overton, who at 110 years old is the oldest living veteran. And one of the few men alive who remembers Tim Duncan’s rookie year.
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A five minute plus instant replay stoppage w/ 1:59 left in #WestVirginia #Gonzaga game making fans long for crisp speed of MLB instant replay
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The Oakland As are offering a free cap to any fan who trades in any SF Giants cap. Well, if someone wants a hat in better condition – .A’s caps ARE less likely to be worn out from being worn through the playoffs.
When you do not score in the last 2:52 of the 2nd half, it’s pretty hard to win a Sweet Sixteen game. #Arizona #Xavier #marchmadness
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#ESPN allowing people who regret their #MarchMadness choices to do a “Second Chance Bracket.” Any way we can do that for the US election?
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Matt Barnes, now with the Warriors about playing his former team the Sacramento Kings Friday. “I’m trying to kill them Plain and simple. Things didn’t go well there.”
Great statement from a player with an arrest history now facing a 2017 trial for domestic violence.
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Patriots to visit White House on April 19. Wouldn’t it be simpler to invite Kraft, Brady & anyone else who wants to attend to Maralago?
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Theresa May opens parliament as usual. #WeAreNotAfraid trending. Well played London, well played.
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Fortune magazine names Theo Epstein greatest leader in world. So is everyone connected with 3-time WS Champion @SFGiants chopped liver?
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Trumpcare did not come to a vote today due to lack of GOP support. Can’t wait to see how they’re going to blame this on Obama.
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New poll showed today only 17% of Americans support Trumpcare. Wow. Didn’t know that many people worked for insurance companies.
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#NYTimes – Trump says privately he regrets going along w/ Ryan for quick healthcare reform. Because nothing EVER is @realDonaldTrump’s fault
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Fox News headline says Trumpcare is “on life support.” Well, life support no doubt won’t be covered going forward either.
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Trumpcare to exclude preventive care maternity care & pediatric care. While GOP defunds Planned Parenthood. Again 4 words -Pro life my ass.
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More populism at its finest. The House today just voted to strike down privacy rules that kept internet providers like AT&T and Comcast from selling your web browsing history without permission.
Make Advertisers Great Again?! #SMH
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In Kentucky, a 4-year old is dead after he accidentally shot himself with a gun that the boy’s uncle, a police officer, had left in his truck. #Ifonlyhewerearmed
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Washington Post reports that the OMB turned down the Secret Service request for an additional $60 million this year to handle security for Trump & his family. Which means per the Post “the agency will likely have to divert other spending to handle the additional burden..
No worries, the only other duties of the agency involve things like cyber crime, credit card/identity fraud. and cases involving missing/exploited minors. Do we feel great again yet?
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Whatever Happened To … waking up in the morning and not saying “Our President said WHAT?”
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From Marc Ragovin, one more on Chuck Barris – “RIP Chuck Barris: Gong but not forgotten.”
Categories: GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, secret service jokes, trumpcare jokes
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February 15, 2017
Tiger Woods is 20-1 in Las Vegas to win a major in 2017. A major what?
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is upset that the NFL might not award future Super Bowls to the state if an anti-transgender bathroom bill passes: “The NFL needs to concentrate on playing football and get the heck out of politics.”
Uh huh. Just guessing most Texans would go for rainbow pins and unisex bathrooms if the alternative is giving up any football.
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At a Louisiana high school, Alabama has been banned from campus because of “unethical football recruiting practices.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the school is in Baton Rouge. (home of LSU)
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Trump says that unlike President Obama he is not going to publicly fill out a March Madness bracket. But no doubt he will tell us after the tournament that of course he picked all the winners. A perfect score, the best ever.
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Apparently quite a number of celebrities have volunteered to play Trump aides on SNL. The show is getting to be almost as cool again for a cameo as the Simpsons. (or decades ago, Batman.)
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Senate voted to block Obama rule prohibiting people w/ serious mental disorders from buying guns. What could go wrong?
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All these headlines “Andrew Puzder withdraws” Too bad Frederick Trump didn’t.
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Andrew Puzder, who according to CBS News told friends he was “very tired of the abuse” he was getting, is withdrawing his nomination as Labor Secretary. Great choice of words for a man who admitted to employing an undocumented housekeeper and has been accused of domestic violence against his ex-wife.
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Who knew an act of resistance might become simply buying a copy of the @NYTimes or @washingtonpost?
Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered for ambassador to France. Tonight Jared Kushner’s father Charles, a convicted felon who’s served prison time, said his family has decided not to try to buy the team.
So at least for now, MLB remains a Trump-free zone. #smallmercies
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Trump is now tweeting that NSA &d FBI are “just like Russia.” Well that ought to improve his relations with the intelligence community.
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Well, well, well… someone finally remembered where he put his backbone – John McCain says he will oppose confirmation of Trump budget nominee Mick Mulvaney
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As of Oct. 2015, there were 8 investigations into Benghazi. Led by same people who don’t think it’s worth spending time on Russia & election
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GOP Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Bob Goodlatte today asked the Inspector General to “begin an immediate investigation into whether classified information was mishandled” with the leaks that led to Michael Flynn’s resignation.
Funny, I missed their outrage when Trump asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, puzder jokes, SNL jokes, Tiger jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 15, 2017
Royals pitcher Brian Flynn apparently injured himself by falling through the roof of his barn. Was he washing his truck at the time?
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Magic Johnson says on fixing the Lakers that he “wants Kobe to be a part of it.” Well, guess Magic doesn’t think one problem is team chemistry.
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The Marlins have lifted their ban on facial hair. So did the team decide they might as well mollify players since they won’t get a chance for playoff beards.
All outraged people out there, write yourselves a note, do whatever you need to put it in calendar for next election. “VOTE VOTE VOTE.”
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Okay, is it too soon to start a pool on when #kelleyannconway might resign to spend more time with her family?
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So is it too early to add @realDonaldTrump to Trump administration resignation bingo game?
What if this was all simply a plot to put Mike Pence in the White House?
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Trump tweeting his Nothing-to-see-here with Michael Flynn. “The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea etc?”
Uh, Donald, who needs illegal leaks when you share your dealings with N. Korea with everyone in the MarALago dining room?
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Sean Spicer says Flynn resigned. Kellyanne Conway says Trump asked him to resign. Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon better not plan on any Saturday nights off for a while.
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So Kellyanne Conway says Flynn resigned because he “knew he’d become a lightning rod.” And he was making the other lightning rods jealous?
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Sean Spicer “Irony of situation is President has been incredibly tough on Russia.” Is this some weird political remake of 50 Shades?
Sean Spicer -Trump “had an incredibly productive set of meetings & discussions w/ Prime Minster Joe Trudeau of Canada.” To be fair, neither Spicer nor Trump speak Canadian.
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CNN is reporting Moscow has deployed a cruise missile in an apparent treaty violation. Uh oh, does that mean Trump might threaten not to send Putin as big a bouquet next Valentine’s Day?
William Henry Harrison, 32 days, shortest Presidential term ever. So @realDonaldTrump still has 7 days to break record.
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from don sherman
“A lot of people are upset that President Trump a phone call on an unsecured phone in front of hundreds of people. REALLY!!!
They should be questioning was, at the time they just served a wedge of ICEBERG lettuce with Blue Cheese dressing.
Iceberg lettuce is the cheapest, least nutritious there is. It cost about a dollar ahead, and can produce 6-8 wedges per head. And he is using it for a state dinner? And an even more important question.
Did it come from California or MEXICO?”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, flynn jokes, Janice Hough, kellyanne jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 28, 2016
Colin Kaepernick after Monday’s Presidential debate said “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist.”
Well, suppose it’s a good thing there’s no chance the SF 49ers will be making a White House visit any time soon.
Could someone inform the #SFGiants that if you score 12 runs in 2 games it’s not a bad idea to split them up?
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Matt Duffy apparently stopped by the #SFGiants clubhouse today. Could he lend the team #Skeeter?
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Interesting point on bullpens in the postseason made by Tom Verducci in SI.com today – the percentage games won by relief pitchers in the regular season and then in post season: 1965-68 – 26.8% and 8%. 1995-98 – 30.0% and 35.4%. 2012-2015 – 30.4% and 41.3%.
Of course Madbum in 2014 was both a starter AND a reliever. #SFGiants
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Arguing that being banned from baseball didn’t mean its Hall of Fame, Pete Rose apparently has made a direct appeal to the Hall to restore his eligibility. Wonder what his odds are?
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A fan who proposed to his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium during a Red Sox Yankees game had to hunt in the seats for the ring which he dropped as he dropped to a knee. Fortunately the ring was found and she said yes. Did the happy couple get an autographed ball from Starlin Castro?
(for those going, huh?, Castro is not known for his defense.)
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If @realDonaldTrump bails on the next two debates will @HillaryClinton try to borrow Clint Eastwood’s chair?
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Some say that @realDonaldTrump will learn from his mistakes in 1st debate. That assumes that Trump actually ever thinks he makes mistakes.
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Now Donald Trump, Jr. is praising his father’s “courage” for not mentioning Bill Clinton’s cheating on Monday night “out of respect for Chelsea.”
Right, so anyone want to start a pool on how many times the thrice-married Trump and his family will congratulate themselves for not mentioning infidelity?
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Gary Johnson was asked today to name his favorite foreign leader, and he couldn’t do it, finally admitting “I’m having a brain freeze.” So what’s Johnson’s plan after the election, running for Governor of Texas?
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It’s too easy as a U.S.woman to criticize Gary Johnson for not being able to name his favorite foreign leader Justin Trudeau. Next question?
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So with Arizona Republic, the Dallas Morning News and the CIncinnati Enquirer breaking with long tradition and joining more liberal papers to endorse a Democrat for President, wonder if Trump’s plan if elected will be to eliminate all press credentials.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, gary johnson, gary johnson jokes, Giants jokes, janice hough jokes, Kaepernick jokes, pete rose jokes, Trump jokes
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June 26, 2016
Last night Madison Bumgarner gave up 3 runs. Today Johnny Cueto gave up 6 runs, Justin Verlander gave up 8 runs, and Clayton Kershaw gave up 4 runs. Okay, this really could be a sign of the apocalypse.
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On other hand, Sunday the Royals, Rangers, Orioles, Marlins, Indians, Twins, Angels, As, Dbacks, Rockies, Cardinals, Mariners, Giants and Phillies all have scored at least 6 runs. So maybe Kershaw’s four runs weren’t that bad.
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Congrats to Arizona and Coastal Carolina who will meet in the finals of the College World Series. Many people are thinkng “I didn’t know Coastal Carolina had a baseball team. Heck, many people are thinking, “I didn’t even know Coastal Carolina had a university.
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The Pittsburgh Pirates won three games from the LA Dodgers this weekend. No punchline, I just liked writing that. #SFGiants.
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Cubs’ ace Jake Arrieta, a TCU alum, apparently has to get a CCU tattoo after losing a bet to teammate Tommy La Stella, a Coastal Carolina alum, over the College World Series.
Uh, wouldn’t you think Arrieta is making enough money he could have risked something less painful like a car or a Rolex? #cantfixstupid
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Pete Rose was very emotional today at a ceremony the Cincinnati Reds had to retire his number. Wonder what odds he had gotten on it happening?
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Mitch McConnell when asked if Donald Trump is qualified for the presidency, said he’ll “leave that to the American people to decide.” Wait, don’t we elect Senators to make the tough decisions for us?
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In Lebanon, an endangered sea turtle is being treated by a rescue group after tourists dragged it out of the water, and apparently took selfies with it and beat it with sticks. Where is a great white shark when you really need one?
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Of course we knew that Palin would weigh in Brexit. Not only did she congratulate England but “America can learn an encouraging lesson from this.’It is time to dissolve political bands that connect us to agendas not in our best interest. May UN shackles be next on the chopping block,’
Uh, Sarah, even North Korea is part of the UN….
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SF Chronicle is reporting the story of a man whose North Beach apartment rent instantly jumped from $1,800 to $8000 a month. Many people will read this and go “That’s appalling.” Some San Franciscans will read this and go “You can get an apartment in North Beach for $8,000 a month?”
After #Chile‘s win over #Argentina in #COPA, Lionel #Messi says he is quitting the Argentina national team -#Messi-exit?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, College World Series jokes, copa jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Palin jokes, pete rose jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 29, 2016
Alexander Rossi, who won the Indianapolis 500, decided not to pit late, so was running on fumes and literally coasting as he finished the race. So how many men will start explaining running out of gas to their wives and girlfriends – “Really, I was just trying to emulate an Indy driver.”
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Auto racing is weird. How many other sports have the “highlights” later basically be a blooper tape? #crashes #Indy500
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Ah for the good old days, when on Memorial Day weekend Americans who liked to watch complete wrecks could watch the Indy 500, instead of our Presidential race.
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Really? The #Indy500 is now being marketed as part of the “Verizon IndyCar series?” #howthemightyhavefallen
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So the #Dodgers are coming to SF to play the #SFGiants in 2 weeks. Is it too late to organize a #Giants laser pointer giveaway? #LaserGate
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Lost in yesterday’s #SFGiants 10-5 win vs #Rockies: Winning pitcher Cory Gearrin also got his 1st at bat. And 1st hit. #PitchersWhoRake
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Donald Trump has apparently narrowed his potential running mates to a “very small” list. Because there are only a “very small” number of people who will run with him?
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Bernie Sanders today on “Meet the Press” said that while he thinks Donald Trump would be a “disaster” as President, it is “the candidate’s job,” to draw voters in — not the second-place finisher’s job to instruct them on how to vote.
For all Bernie’s talk about changing the Democratic party, that was sure spoken like a man who is planning to switch his registration back to Independent after the election is over.
Shouldn’t an 8-3 lead in the 9th inning at #CoorsField be counted as a save situation? #SFGiants #Rockies
Wow. The Mets’ Asdrúbal Cabrera a home run hard off #Kershaw. Who does he think he is? Madison Bumgarner?
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Meanwhile, Kershaw has more than 200 million reasons to get over it. But as much as I dislike the Dodgers, have to admit, manager Davy Roberts pulls him in the 8th with two outs and a runner on first. The reliever promptly gives up the tying run, and get the win when the Dodgers come back in the 9th. #baseballisacruelgame
From T.C. “I know nusink about US politics, but I used to play ‘Bridge’. “3 No Trump” sounds like it may be a rallying slogan for his opposition?”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Indy 500 jokes, Janice Hough, laser jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 18, 2016
MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says he is not happy with the longer length of games in 2016, about 7 minutes longer than last season, and will be looking at all kinds of ways to speed things up. Well, except possibly reducing the length of time for commercials.
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Lenny Dykstra, says now about the prevalence of HGH and competing with other players “I put (HGH) in my cereal man. It was in my cereal. We’re talking about the good stuff.”
So guess we are talking “Snap, crack and pop one out of here?”
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Watching quirky & wonderful @JohnnyCueto on the mound, doesn’t it seem like he should have always been wearing orange & black? #SFGiants
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#ESPN reporting that Jeff #Hornacek will be New York #Knicks new interim coach.
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Lebron James: “I have no idea what a common foul and flagrant foul is.” Based on this postseason, neither do NBA refs.
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#Thunder go faster than maybe any #NBA team from looking like team that could beat anyone to team who couldn’t beat the #76ers. #GSWvsOKC
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To mollify conservatives, Donald Trump has released a list of 11 possible Supreme Court appointees. Right. Note the term “possible.” Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t end up choosing Judge Judy.
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Donald Trump, comparing U.S. cities to Iraq. “There are places in America that are among the most dangerous places on earth. You go to places like Oakland…”
So here’s Oakland mayor Libby Schaff “Let me be clear, regarding @nytimes story, the most dangerous place in America is Donald Trump’s mouth.” Three word hashtag #yougogirl
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So maybe the #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary people can get together for lunch? With plenty of whine.
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Bartolo Colon is being sued for child support by a woman who alleges he has fathered two children with her, while being married to his wife for 21 years. With this and his home run, Colon seems to be trying really hard to debunk the notion that pitchers aren’t athletes.
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A Fox News poll found that voters U.S voters think that both Trump and Clinton have “flawed characters.” With all due respect, considering the insanity that is the modern electoral process, not to mention the polarization in Washington, hard to imagine anyone without a somewhat “flawed character” or at least a bit of insanity, wanting to run for President.
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from Marc Ragovin – “Donald Trump has released a list of 11 potential Supreme Court nominees if he is elected. Mitch McConnell has called for immediate confirmation hearings.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bartolo Colon jokes, baseball jokes, fox jokes(Megy, Janice Hough, PED jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
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May 11, 2016
For all those who have wondered how Heidi Cruz could possibly put up with Ted, this is Heidi yesterday, saying the campaign was not in vain “God does not work in four-year segments.”Be full of faith and so full of joy that this team was chosen to fight a long battle Think that slavery — it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years.”
And just think, she could have been First Lady. #madeforeachother
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Donald Trump is still stonewalling on calls to release his tax returns, saying in an AP interview. “there’s nothing to learn from them.”
“Nothing to learn…” Am sure the Donald will say the same thing about Hillary’s emails and Goldman Sachs speeches..
#MaxScherzer had 20 strikeouts today. Wonder how many frustrated fans had 1st reaction “Didn’t even know #Nats were playing the #SFGiants
When you are 4 for 43 with RISP shouldn’t it be RIBSP? “Runners in Being Stranded Position.”. #SFGiants
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Figures after a week where the #SFGiants seem to have forgotten they have bats, they win in the 13th without a hit and walk-off walk.
Just when you think humanity can’t go any lower, here’s breaking news out of Florida: “George Zimmerman auctioning off gun that he used in Trayvon Martin shooting.”
Not sure which is lower though about this auction, George or the bidders. #WishthisweretheOnion
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Gwyneth Paltrow has a “lifestyle” site, “Goop,” with various items for sale. Including now a $15,000 24-karat gold plated dildo, which includes “free discreet shipping, A PDF manual, and a 10-year warranty. But it’s not as if Paltrow is out of touch with ordinary people – the site sells a silver model for only $7,900.
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Way to get that sponsor love – Former MLBer Brandon Laird, now playing in Japan, hit a home run off a Kirin beer sign and won $10,000 plus a year’s worth of beer. When asked what he would do with the prize, Laird responded “Definitely not drink it. Maybe give some to the batting practice pitchers or whoever wants it.”
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The NBA has acknowledged they made two mistakes against the Spurs in the end of last night’s loss, first, a non-call when Kawhi Leonard tried to foul Kevin Durant at the end of the game, second a foul called against Danny Green when he was tripped by Steven Adams and fell into Durant.
Well, this ought to do wonders to reassure people who think the league is fixed.
In Massachusetts, a man who was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and told staffers the “devil was playing tricks on his mind,” was released the same day/ He then went on a stabbing rampage, killing two people and injuring two others before he was himself fatally shot by an off-duty deputy. #Ifonlyhewerearmed
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, scherzer jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Zimmerman jokes
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April 25, 2016
Oops, this one didn’t get posted yesterday . So a bit out of order…. I blame Obama.
Steph Curry’s MRI has worst case looking 3-5 weeks. The good news for Warriors fans, that’s only about another round of the NBA playoffs.
The #Lakers have fired coach #ByronScott. Who’s to say #KobeBryant didn’t get any results his farewell season?
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This week in England they honored Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death in 1616. Curiously enough wasn’t that also Tim Duncan’s rookie year?
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Although in truth, LaMarcus Aldridge giving post-game interview after #Spurs sweep, said “Tim’s 100 years old, he needs the rest.”
Thinking it’s a really good thing San Antonio won today and has a week off, from games and interviews. Because if any reporter made some comment to Popovich about the #Spurs being happy to see Curry hurt it would be ugly.
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When the Grizzlies were trying to avoid sweep by the Spurs, FedEx Forum had an 18 minute power outage. Usually it isn’t literal to say “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”
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Congrats to the Charlotte Hornets for their first playoff win since 2002. To put that in perspective, in 2002 Warriors coach Steve Kerr was still playing for the Spurs. Along with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginoboli….
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#Yankees are featured on Monday, Wednesday and #Sundaynightbaseball this week. Good to know #ESPN is already in midseason form.
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John Kasich says his campaign is vetting possible vice presidential running mates. In related news, the Houston Rockets are looking at possible dates for a NBA championship parade.
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Apparently more than 340,000 people have signed a pledge to boycott Target because the store says it will allow customers to use restrooms and fitting rooms matching their gender identity. But wonder how many more millions are now MORE likely to shop there
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Applebee’s is advertising their “2 for $20” menu featuring a burger quesadilla. The sandwich clocks in at about 1,400 calories and over 100 grams of fat. So it’s a good thing it’s a bargain, you need to save the money for a cardiologist.
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Seriously, so glad that the #Nationals were smart enough to give Dusty Baker another chance. Even if it took Bud Black turning the job down first. Bryce Harper post game today – “To be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day to let us just have fun to let us enjoy this game,…”
Donald Trump says “I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again.” Wow. Promise?! #Hillaryjustpickedupalotmoresupporters
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: applebees jokes, baseball jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 10, 2016
Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the #Masters might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.
#SFGiants are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.
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So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that #SFGiants came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that #Cueto went 7 and was winning pitcher?
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The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the #Phillies. Time to throw the jerseys back?
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Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?
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T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?
I know #Yankees rule the #ESPN world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have #Dodgers #Giants be the #Sundaynightbaseball game. (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?
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Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”
Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton. But hey, if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.
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A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.
If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe? 
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Giants jokes, Manziel jokes, Masters jokes, spieth jokes
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April 5, 2016
It’s only 1 game, but right this second #SFGiants not feeling too badly about losing out on Zack #Greinke & having to sign Johnny #Cueto
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Several Patriots fans are now suing the NFL and Roger Goodell over the league’s punishment for the Deflategate scandal. “Right, because that poor franchise never gets a break,” said nobody outside New England.
All the hype on Warriors network about upcoming #GoldenState #SanAntonio matchup Thurs. Right, Pop might even play one of #Spurs starters.
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In the first game of the season, Chase Utley has started another controversy with a slide that some thought was dirty at home plate. Well, if he makes a pattern of it, MLB won’t need a Chase Utley rule, as some pitcher will apply the Drysdale rule and put Utley on the DL.
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At Disneyland Paris, a worker was apparently electrocuted inside the Haunted Mansion ride. So sounds like they’ll have to update the French version of “999 happy haunts, but there’s always room for one more…” #Disneybustohell
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RNC Chairman Reince Priebus is now warning Trump that the Donald made a loyalty pledge to the eventual GOP Presidential nominee. Right, like that’s going to make any difference to the man who three times has said “Until death do us part.”
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Despite watching major backlash in Georgia and North Carolina, Mississippi’s governor Phil Bryant today signed a law allowing businesses to refuse service to gay couples based on employers’ religious beliefs. Maybe because Bryant figured no one from outside the state wants to do business or visit Mississippi anyhow?
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A man was arrested in Atherton, California for vandalism and trespassing after he spray-painted graffiti at various locations around town. Police were able to figure out it was him because the graffiti all included his NAME. #cantfixstupid
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In Alabama, a bipartisan group of legislators is moving to impeach Gov. Robert Bentley over a sex scandal over leaked tapes of his conversations with a female aide. Bentley is maintaining that despite the explicit nature of the tapes, that he never actually committed adultery. So the Governor’s DEFENSE is that he’s another politician who is all talk and no action.
A tale of two approaches to America’s problems. President Obama and the Treasury Dept are proposing tighting regulations on billion dollar corporate tax inversions, and Trump is going to build a wall by stopping poor illegals from sending some of their low wages back to Mexico.
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There’s a fair amount of media attention being paid to Bernie Sanders’ recent interview with the NY Daily News, during which he dodged questions, gave a lot of vague answers, and acted generally rather unaware. Well, maybe it’s all part of Bernie’s plan to go after Trump voters.
From Alex Kaseberg “North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un, has reportedly ballooned to over 300 pounds. He may have to change his name to Kim Jong-Christie.
(I’m thinking, or maybe Kim Jong-Un’s goal is to play third base for the Red Sox?)
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, baseball jokes, Giants jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 