Posted tagged ‘College World Series jokes’

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Busted aces?

June 26, 2016

Last night Madison Bumgarner gave up 3 runs.  Today Johnny Cueto gave up 6 runs,  Justin Verlander gave up 8 runs, and Clayton Kershaw gave up 4 runs. Okay, this really could be a sign of the apocalypse.

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On other hand, Sunday the Royals, Rangers, Orioles, Marlins, Indians, Twins, Angels, As, Dbacks, Rockies, Cardinals, Mariners, Giants and Phillies all have scored at least 6 runs.  So maybe Kershaw’s four runs weren’t that bad.

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Congrats to Arizona and Coastal Carolina who will meet in the finals of the College World Series. Many people are thinkng “I didn’t know Coastal Carolina had a baseball team. Heck, many people are thinking, “I didn’t even know Coastal Carolina had a university.

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The Pittsburgh Pirates won three games from the LA Dodgers this weekend. No punchline, I just liked writing that. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

 

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Cubs’ ace Jake Arrieta, a TCU alum, apparently has to get a CCU tattoo after losing a bet to teammate Tommy La Stella, a Coastal Carolina alum, over the College World Series.
Uh, wouldn’t you think Arrieta is making enough money he could have risked something less painful like a car or a Rolex? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Pete Rose was very emotional today at a ceremony the Cincinnati Reds had to retire his number. Wonder what odds he had gotten on it happening?

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Mitch McConnell when asked if Donald Trump is qualified for the presidency, said he’ll “leave that to the American people to decide.” Wait, don’t we elect Senators to make the tough decisions for us?

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In Lebanon, an endangered sea turtle is being treated by a rescue group after tourists dragged it out of the water, and apparently took selfies with it and beat it with sticks. Where is a great white shark when you really need one?

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Of course we knew that Palin would weigh in Brexit. Not only did she congratulate England but “America can learn an encouraging lesson from this.’It is time to dissolve political bands that connect us to agendas not in our best interest. May UN shackles be next on the chopping block,’
Uh, Sarah, even North Korea is part of the UN….

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SF Chronicle is reporting the story of a man whose North Beach apartment rent instantly jumped from $1,800 to $8000 a month. Many people will read this and go “That’s appalling.” Some San Franciscans will read this and go “You can get an apartment in North Beach for $8,000 a month?”

 

After ‪#‎Chile‬‘s win over ‪#‎Argentina‬ in ‪#‎COPA‬, Lionel ‪#‎Messi‬ says he is quitting the Argentina national team -#Messi-exit?

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On the way out?

June 25, 2016

Northern Ireland lost to Wales in Euro 2016 on an own goal. That’s the worst self-inflicted misery in the UK since… Thursday. ‪

 

Sunday is NASCAR Sonoma, and the Pride Parade in San Franciso.  Now there are two events that I’m guessing do not have a lot of overlap.

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Fans in Cleveland have created a “Cleveland Indians Championship Parade.” And the Indians are actually in first place in the AL Central. Maybe God is taking pity on the city for hosting the GOP 2016 convention.

 

Haven’t been paying close attention to the ‪#‎CollegeWorldSeries‬ this year. So when were the Minnesota Twins eliminated?

 

Someone needs to tell ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense that just because ‪#‎MadisonBumgarner‬ is pitching doesn’t mean they can take night off. ‪#‎nosupport‬

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FOX News reported yesterday that Great Britain had voted to leave, not the EU, but the UN. Same difference, right?   #sarcasm #nottheOnion

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#‎ballotremorse‬ Over 1.6 million people in Britain have signed a petition for another E.U. referendum, basically a do-over. And a whole lot of U.S. GOP voters are going “you can do that?”

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#‎GeorgeWill‬ has announced he has left the ‪#‎GOP‬ over ‪#‎Trump‬. So who said Trump couldn’t bring about any real change?

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Ben Carson just called for a “civil discussion” about guns: “Let’s put on the table – what is the reason for the Second Amendment…And, is there a reason that we need to change those things right now.”
Wow. Sounds like someone’s given up on the idea of being Trump’s running mate.

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Donald Trump asked about his proposed Muslim ban by the UK Daily Mail.”‘I don’t want people coming in from the terror countries. You have terror countries.” Then, in the same interview “‘I don’t want them, unless they’re very, very strongly vetted.”
Once again, the Donald is running against himself.

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Evangelical author James Dobson says that “it’s fairly recent” but Donald Trump has accepted Jesus Christ. Ah, but has Jesus Christ accepted Donald Trump?

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In Texas, Christy Sheats, a mother and gun rights advocate, wrote a scathing Facebook post in March about Obama and gun control: “It would be horribly tragic if my ability to protect myself or my family were to be taken away.” Yesterday, Sheats was fatally shot by police after she shot and killed her 22 and 17 year old daughters.

Well, clearly the girls should have been armed.

 

From Bill Littlejohn   “In the wake of her two year suspension, Maria Sharapova is going to attend Harvard Business School.The anti-doping panel in London calls it ‘Illegally Blonde’

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Not exactly winning.

June 24, 2013

Singer Chris Brown has again been accused of assault. allegedly shoving a woman to the ground at a Southern California nightclub on Saturday night. So congratulations to all those who had June 22 in the pool.

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Today starts the George Zimmerman trial in Orlando. Whatever happens, Americans should feel confident that justice will be served, because they had had the Casey Anthony trial there, and we know how well that turned out… Oops, never mind.

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Lots of tennis fans were upset that Rafael Nadal was a 5 seed at Wimbledon. Guess they were right. He should have been lower.

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Not looking good for Aaron Hernandez as the murder investigation continues. Starting to look like the Patriots’ TE best hope would be to get the LAPD involved in the case.

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Congrats to UCLA, in the College World Series, and winners of game one against Mississippi State. Well, at least one Southern California team is seeing 2013 postseason action.

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In honor of the Chicago Blackhawks, the Cubs put in lights on their stadium Monday night “2013 Stanley Cup Champions.”  Might be the only time in many people’s lifetimes they will see the word “Champions” at Wrigley Field.

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Rough night in Boston. #Bruins just pulled off a collapse so fast and awful you figured Bill Buckner had to be involved.

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Newly released documents show the IRS also targeted groups seeking tax-exempt status with terms including “Israel,” ”Progressive” and “Occupy.” Out of habit, the GOP blamed Obama.

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In Paris, a 52 year old mother was arrested and her daughter may be banned from taking official exams for 5 years, after the woman attempted to take the French equivalent of the SAT for her daughter. “How awful.” responded some American parents. “Great idea, needed better execution” responded others.

(As my friend Jim McCann says,  “That could never happen in the U.S., I mean really, what parent can pass high school math?”)

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NY Giants WR Brandon Collins has been suspended without pay for the first four games of the 2013 season for violating the NFL Policy and Program for Substances of Abuse. Four whole games. Wow. Well, at least he didn’t do anything really bad like wearing the wrong color shoes or criticizing officials..

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Rays’ pitcher Alex Cobb, who was hit in the ear by a batted ball and got a concussion on June 15 now simply thinks pitchers should have the option to wear headgear. Adding “I don’t want it to turn into something where every pitcher on the mound has to wear something. That’s everybody’s personal choice.” This idea is so reasonable I’m sure Bud Selig will find a reason against it.

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Sorry folks in Dodger Stadium; real baseball fans do not do the wave. #wavefail

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Edward Snowden is getting really serious about staying out of sight. Rumor has it he’s even talked to NBC about a place on their summer schedule.

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Former Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi, 76, was convicted today of paying for sex with an underage prostitutes and then trying to cover it up. He was sentenced to 7 years, and barred from public office for life. Did the court figure Italians would elect him again otherwise?

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Shore losers.

June 11, 2012

 

Jersey Shore cast member Deena was arrested for disorderly conduct charge today when a police officer saw her in standing in the street, allegedly “a little intoxicated,” and slapping cars that were driving by. Well, guess regular viewers will be glad to know that even Snooki’s pregnancy won’t alter the essence of the show.

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Scary thought, most Americans can probably name more Jersey Shore cast members than they can name justices of the U.S. Supreme Court.

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Defense attorney Joe Amendola says of the upcoming trial “This is the fight of Jerry Sandusky’s life.” Uh, since Jerry already lost the battle between good and evil?-

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In 2012 SF Giants fans have gone from “Let Timmy Smoke” to “Timmy’s pitching, we’ll need to smoke.”

 

“Hempcon” medical marijuana convention is June 15-17 in San Jose, California. Wonder how many attendees will show up a week later?

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Many of the “Big Tobacco” funded ads against California’s Prop 29 (cigarette tax) talked about how none of the money went to cancer research. So now that the tobacco companies spent almost $50 million probably to defeat the initiative, when can we expect them to kick in a like amount for that cancer research?

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Eurocup, Stanley Cup. It’s a close competition as to which the average American knows less about.

 

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Stanford pitcher Mark Appel blamed his horrible start yesterday against Florida State on the humidity and the crowds. Well, playing for the Pittsburgh Pirates he’ll still have to deal with humidity, but shouldn’t be a problem with crowds.

 

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Another day, another NFL DUI arrest, this time NY Giants LT David Diehl, who was arrested tonight in Queens after allegedly hitting a couple of parked cars with his BMW. So when will they start writing NFL contracts to include car and drivers?

 

Stony Brook’s college baseball team is America’s new favorite Cinderella team heading towards the College World Series. The biggest question in most sports fans’ minds – where the heck is Stony Brook?

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All hail the God of Television:  The 2012 College World Series may well finish before the NBA finals.

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Budget move? Texas is considering raising the speed limit on a toll road from Austin to San Antonio to 85mph. Well, that’s one way to reduce the number of Americans who will end up needing Social Security.

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Lindsay Lohan, who first said the other driver cut her off, is now saying “my brakes failed” when she ran into a truck in her Porsche last week. Uh, longtime Lindsay watchers are thinking maybe it’s not her car that needs the brakes.

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John McCain is outraged and blaming President Obama as commander in chief for recent national security leaks. Uh, where was this outrage and blame from Senator McCain when the last administration outed Valerie Plame?

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