Posted tagged ‘Eurocup jokes’

Still guilty.

June 24, 2012

Jerry Sandusky’s lawyers now say they tried to quit at the beginning of the trial, ostensibly because they didn’t have enough time to prepare for the case with so many witnesses and allegations. When asked what would have been enough time, they allegedly responded “about 20-30 years.”

Bus to hell time. Jerry Sandusky is on suicide watch. And I’m thinking, there are probably a lot of Americans who’d pay to watch.

Jeb Bush, yesterday complimented President Obama on immigration in a speech, and said “when we find common ground we shouldn’t fight anymore, we should move on and build on that success.” Well, no worries about a 3rd Bush in the White House, with talk like that he’ll never get through a GOP primary.

Jeff Kent is rumored to be a  future contestant on “Survivor.” (Really.) Let’s hope one of the challenges doesn’t involve washing a truck.

Germany reached the Eurocup semifinals by beating  Greece 4-2 Friday. Wonder if after the loss the Greek team asked the Germans to pay for their flight home?

Most Americans are paying so little attention to the Eurocup that they admit they don’t remember when the U.S. team was eliminated.

David Blankenhorn, the chief witness for Prop 8 in California, wrote an editorial saying he has changed his mind, and now believes the right to gay marriage is “basic fairness.” Wonder what really tipped him, knowing more gay couples, or watching people like the Kardashians?

Today is the 40th anniversary of Title IX. While the law isn’t perfect, two words for men who think it’s only benefited women: beach volleyball. –

Saturday afternoon, right in the middle of the baseball season, and no games on TV because of MLB and Fox’s exclusivity contract. To paraphrase Bryce Harper, “That’s a clown contract, bro.”


A fast-food employee in Southern California was arrested after stabbing a customer after a dispute over his drive-thru order. Wonder how many other service employees have at least fantasized about doing the same thing.

Philadelphia Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon offered, and then said he paid, teammate Jim Thome $5,000 for hitting a walkoff homerun against the Tampa Bay Rays after Papelbon blew the save. Out of habit, Roger Goodell tried to suspend him.

Bill Littlejohn:  “House Speaker Rep. John Boehner says that if the Supreme Court strikes down Pres. Obama’s health care law, ‘there will be no spiking of the ball’.  He will, however, encourage the signing of it with a Sharpie”

(Of course,  if  he does spike the ball and it hits him in the face Boehner at least has healthcare.)

From Marc Ragovin: Its gotten so bad for the Florida Marlins, who have now lost 15 of their last 17 games, that today Fidel Castro expressed amazement that Ozzie Guillen was still in power.


Shore losers.

June 11, 2012


Jersey Shore cast member Deena was arrested for disorderly conduct charge today when a police officer saw her in standing in the street, allegedly “a little intoxicated,” and slapping cars that were driving by. Well, guess regular viewers will be glad to know that even Snooki’s pregnancy won’t alter the essence of the show.

Scary thought, most Americans can probably name more Jersey Shore cast members than they can name justices of the U.S. Supreme Court.


Defense attorney Joe Amendola says of the upcoming trial “This is the fight of Jerry Sandusky’s life.” Uh, since Jerry already lost the battle between good and evil?-

In 2012 SF Giants fans have gone from “Let Timmy Smoke” to “Timmy’s pitching, we’ll need to smoke.”


“Hempcon” medical marijuana convention is June 15-17 in San Jose, California. Wonder how many attendees will show up a week later?

Many of the “Big Tobacco” funded ads against California’s Prop 29 (cigarette tax) talked about how none of the money went to cancer research. So now that the tobacco companies spent almost $50 million probably to defeat the initiative, when can we expect them to kick in a like amount for that cancer research?

Eurocup, Stanley Cup. It’s a close competition as to which the average American knows less about.


Stanford pitcher Mark Appel blamed his horrible start yesterday against Florida State on the humidity and the crowds. Well, playing for the Pittsburgh Pirates he’ll still have to deal with humidity, but shouldn’t be a problem with crowds.


Another day, another NFL DUI arrest, this time NY Giants LT David Diehl, who was arrested tonight in Queens after allegedly hitting a couple of parked cars with his BMW. So when will they start writing NFL contracts to include car and drivers?


Stony Brook’s college baseball team is America’s new favorite Cinderella team heading towards the College World Series. The biggest question in most sports fans’ minds – where the heck is Stony Brook?

All hail the God of Television:  The 2012 College World Series may well finish before the NBA finals.


Budget move? Texas is considering raising the speed limit on a toll road from Austin to San Antonio to 85mph. Well, that’s one way to reduce the number of Americans who will end up needing Social Security.

Lindsay Lohan, who first said the other driver cut her off, is now saying “my brakes failed” when she ran into a truck in her Porsche last week. Uh, longtime Lindsay watchers are thinking maybe it’s not her car that needs the brakes.


John McCain is outraged and blaming President Obama as commander in chief for recent national security leaks. Uh, where was this outrage and blame from Senator McCain when the last administration outed Valerie Plame?