Posted tagged ‘convention jokes’

Gonna miss you.

July 27, 2016

Another Obama speech that is so good Donald Trump may follow Melania in copying it.

“Democracy isn’t a spectator sport.” I love this president. @BarackObama

That moment not when candidate you worked for gets elected, but when after 8 years Americans wish he could stay longer ‪#‎Potus‬ ‪#‎BarackObama

So how quickly can we repeal that 22nd amendment?

In reality TV terms, ‪#‎PresidentObama‬ is making a very strong case for @realDonaldTrump not to get a rose.

‪#‎BarackObama‬ reminds us we don’t need to wait for gold medals to be proud of our country. ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

Bumper sticker line of the night from ‪#‎PresidentObama‬ “Don’t boo, vote.”

 

Michael Bloomberg “I’m from New York, I know a con when I see one.” And @realDonaldTrump responds, yeah, but which shell is the ball under?

“We don’t look to be ruled.” Yeah, actually wasn’t that the point in the first place? ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬ ‪#‎PresidentObama‬ ‪#‎DemConvention‬

 

Note to Donald Trump, if Americans really wanted to be ruled again we’d invite William & Kate & those adorable kids over to do it.

#‎MichaelBloomberg‬ wins for this year’s best display of billionaire on billionaire violence.

#‎Bloomberg‬ “This is not reality television, this is reality.” Waiting for the ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ rebuttal

#‎TimKaine‬, “Semper fi” And ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ is ready to attack him for not speaking English. ‪#‎DemConvention‬

#‎TimKaine‬ may not be exciting but nice job of explaining how @realDonaldTrump ‘s “Believe me” is his way of telling Americans to go f*ck themselve

 

Trump supporters saying Americans don’t care about details like his tax returns. But they do care about Hillary’s email server?

Watching ‪#‎GabbyGiffords‬. Impressive. What a president she might have made. ‪#‎DemConvention‬

‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ has many regular people attest to how nice she is. And ‪#‎Trump‬ had his kids say how nice he is to regular people.

Anthony Weiner said he would come out of retirement if Donald Trump Jr. ran for mayor, and “beat him like a rented mule.” Well, so much for the PETA vote.

So what an interesting trailer for a satirical movie, a presidential candidate of a major party asking another country to meddle in the US election. Oh wait. That was real. Never mind.

 

Just imagine the reaction if ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ or ‪#‎BarackObama‬ even joked that ‪#‎Russia‬ should hack ‪#‎RNC‬ emails for a change

Bill O’Reilly said of the slaves who built the White House, they were “well-fed and had decent lodging.” Unlike many of the people that have labored on many of Trump’s buildings

So I’m not loving this Donald Trump starring role in Vladimir Putin’s remake of the Manchurian Candidate. ‪#‎Russia‬ ‪#‎Emails‬

 

#‎JohnHinckley‬ being released. Just think, if Jodie Foster could have come out of closet sooner Reagan and Brady would not have been shot.

#‎SFGiants‬ having slumber party on the field for fans tonight. Hitters did not get the message it wasn’t for them too.

Wonder how much most ‪#‎MLB‬ teams would give up to get players at trade deadlines like ‪#‎HunterPence‬, ‪#‎MattDuffy‬ & ‪#‎JoePanik‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎DL‬

Sunday night

July 24, 2016

So we don’t have a woman president, yet but we do have @jessmendoza on @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. It’s a start!

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ don’t really want Aroldis Chapman  (cost and last year’s domestic violence arrest.)  But they’d be fine with the ‪#‎Yankees‬ not trading him to ‪#‎Nationals‬ before next weekend’s series.

 

#‎MikeMayers‬, MLB debut, 1.1 inning, 9 runs, 60.75 ERA. I feel for his mother. ‪#‎LAvsSTL‬

Chris Sale has been suspended five games for destroying his team’s throwback uniforms, which he didn’t want to wear,  before Saturday’s game.   On the other hand, he’s been offered freelance contracts by a lot of college football fans.

While ‪#‎ChrisSale‬ is serving that 5 game suspension could he come to ‪#‎SF‬ & cut up ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road uniforms? They don’t apparently work anymore.

Australian athletes are not moving into the Olympic village because they say it’s “uninhabitable,” with numerous safety issues. And Rio’s mayor responded “I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” ‪#‎whatiftheyhadanOlympicsandnobodycame‬?

The ‪#‎IOC‬ will not completely ban ‪#‎Russia‬ from the ‪#‎RioOlympics‬. And many Russian athletes are thinking now “Damn, so this means we have to go?

 

#‎Trump‬, disbelieving Roger Ailes charge “because he’s a very good person,” & because ‪#‎theDonald‬ never considered that behavior harassment?

Oxymoron online ad of the day – “Upgrade to Yahoo search.”

Business Insider reports that many Kmart employees expect the company soon to close all their stores. And many Americans are going “Kmart still has stores?”

Donald Trump now proposes stop immigration “from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism,” and wouldn’t rule out France and Germany. Uh, actually would the Donald like to find ONE country that doesn’t have terrorism, including the USA?

But if ‪#‎Trump‬‘s idea of banning immigrants from countries “compromised by terrorism” catches on around the world, it could be rough for Americans trying to move to Canada

Have no problem with removing Debbie Wasserman Schultz as head of the DNC for the convention and beyond. But anyone want to hazard a guess what the RNC internal emails might look like about Trump and others in the GOP primaries?

Critics are saying ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ should have had ‪#‎DebbieWassermanSchultz‬ fired. Uh, and who’s to say she didn’t?

V.P. note for grouchy Dems who wanted someone other than Tim Kaine: Cory Booker, Sherrod Brown & Elizabeth  Warren, all would’ve had their Senate seats filled by GOP governors.

Would have loved Clinton to take Booker. But Kaine ups her likability quotient. And I could get used to hearing “Senate Majority Leader Warren.”

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Republican chaos.   But some of same Democrats who are gleefully looking forward to November with the GOP not rallying behind Trump are also saying that Sanders shouldn’t throw his support to Clinton.

Dreaming?

July 20, 2016

Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower.  #Dallas

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ feeling sorry for ‪#‎Dodgers‬ with ‪#‎Kershaw‬ potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship ‪#‎Cain‬ to ‪#‎LA‬ as a replacement.

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.

 

Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.

 

Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?

 

Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Reports are that John ‪#‎Kasich‬ turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?

So wait, if ‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. ‪#‎IOYIYR‬ ‪#‎IOKIYT‬ (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)

 

‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”

 

After watching ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ a lot of people are thinking by comparison that ‪#‎OscarsNotSoWhite‬

So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?

 

So @realDonaldTrump says ‪#‎TedCruz‬ didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.

Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.

A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

 

Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.

How often does @HillaryClinton applaud ‪#‎TedCruz‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Did ‪#‎Trump‬ give ‪#‎TedCruz‬ an ‪#‎RNC‬ speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? ‪#‎Fearfactor‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

‎MikePence‬, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎WTF‬?

Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

 

Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

It must be Hillary’s fault

July 18, 2016

Now she’s rubbed off on the latest Mrs. Trump.   #plagiarism #crookedmelania?

To be fair someone who’s repeated same marriage vows 3 times probably doesn’t have a real problem with plagiarism. ‪#‎Melania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

 

So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized? ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Before the plagiarism allegation popped up, that moment when a Presidential candidate’s third wife talks about how loyal he is. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎RNC2016‬

#‎RNCinCLE‬ is so backwards we could be watching in black and white. Except that there is almost no black and too much white.

So far ‪#‎Trump‬‘s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ is proving you can’t have a circus without elephants.

 

Leborn James today officially told the Cavs that he is returning to Cleveland. But not presumably this week during the convention.

#‎Melania‬ Trump, “Donald gets things done.” She should know; including the divorces from his first two wives.

This Republican convention makes you long for the comparative sanity of ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬

Another reason to dislike Trump in Northern California. By his VP choices he has sullied the name of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ beloved right fielder. ‪#‎Pence‬

The GOP managed to stop an attempted voice vote today over convention rules. The anti-Trump people clearly erred, they should have tied their protest to defunding Obamacare.

Trump on Obama’s response to the latest police shootings: “sometimes the words are OK, but you just look at the body language, there’s something going on. Look, there’s something going on, and the words are not often OK, by the way.”
Again, this is the Donald trying to be in Presidential mode.

Although Trump does seem a bit obsessed with Obama’s body language. Maybe he’s getting old. Used to be the Donald only cared about body language in a swimsuit competition.

Paul Ryan is being mocked for a large selfie with GOP interns that was whiter than a picture of polar bears in winter. Forget the open carry of guns, clearly some people cannot be trusted with selfie sticks.

Christopher Correa, the former Cardinals scouting director, was sentenced to 46 months in prison Monday for hacking the Houston Astros’ player personnel database and email system. Correa was the only person charged in the case.
St. Louis chairman Bill DeWitt Jr, had said it was “roguish behavior” by a handful of individuals.
Didn’t they say the same thing at first about Watergate?

(and as a number of friends pointed out, 46 months is longer than some people get for rape and DUI murders in this country.  #priorities)

In Chicopee, Massachusetts, a 15 year old boy was killed after, while looking for a friend in the afternoon, he knocked on the side door of the wrong house, and the homeowner shot him. ‪#‎ifonlytheboyhadbeenarmed‬

(and for the record, both the boy and the homeowner were white.)

TC brings up the next worry facing Americans – and Canadians-  let’s hope Melania does not steal our jokes.

Elvis has returned to the building.

September 6, 2012

Overlooked Bill Clinton comment on Barack Obama’s bipartisan talents:   “He appointed Cabinet members who supported Hillary in the primaries — heck, he even appointed Hillary.”

A thought about our 24/7 modern electronic era. Wonder if Bill Clinton would have ever been elected if he had the ability to send pictures and text from a phone?

Who’d have thought a generation ago that the Democratic party would turn out to have the best Bubba?

Bill Clinton is hardly a poster child for being a good husband. But all sarcasm aside, after speeches like tonight’s, it’s not hard to see why Hillary has stuck with him all these years. A deeply flawed but fascinating man.

Amazing to watch how much Paul Ryan and others in the GOP now profess to admire Bill Clinton. This warm fuzzy talk will last exactly until November 7, when they start running against Hillary for 2016.

There were rumors that the Red Sox had fired Bobby Valentine today. So far those rumors are false. And frustrated Red Sox fans are thinking – “Good, if we have to put up with this mess through the end of the year, so do you.”

The way the Orioles and A’s are streaking, the New York Yankees could actually miss the playoffs. Quick, how fast can Bud Selig add a third wildcard?

All this commotion starting with  Paul Ryan being upset about the fact that the word “God”  originally didn’t appear in the Democratic Party platform. … But hey, another document that doesn’t use the world God? The U.S. Constitution.

From Mark Ricklis:   “Maybe Ly’in Ryan ran the Marathon so fast because he was on that High Fibber diet”

.

Ann Romney said today that they haven’t led a “charmed life”, and that with MS “I know what it is like to have no hope.” I’m glad Ann’s disease is in remission. But how can her husband, with the best family healthcare money can buy, now want to deny the basics to the average American?

San Franciscans who are also baseball fans would like to take a break from politics to extend a hearty thank you to San Diego and the Padres.

(who for non-baseball fan readers, have won two in a row from the Los Angeles Dodgers.)

Marathon man.

September 5, 2012

The Orioles are tied for first place with in ESPN’s words “the fading Yankees.” “Fading Yankees?” In a time of political discord could we come up with two words that get more bipartisan support?

This just in  – Bud Selig announces  plans to expand playoffs further this year. How far?   Just enough so that the Yankees are in the post-season.   (Even Bud has given up on the Red Sox.)

 

President Obama said he and the First Lady didn’t go out “schmoozing” much in the evening because they wanted to be home with their daughters. Although in a second term, BOTH girls hit the teenage years – Barack and Michelle may be out every night.

 

Toughest job of the week at the Democratic convention – Joe Biden, trying to edit his speech down under Paul Ryan’s 2 hour 50 minute marathon time.

 

Michelle Obama  painted a great portrait of Barack as a husband and father tonight, as Ann Romney did with Mitt. But really, most Americans would take Darth Vader if he could fix the economy and healthcare.

 

Paul Ryan now says he did not suggest President Obama was responsible for the GM plant closing before he took office. In Ryan’s defense, it’s easy to get tired and confused when you’re doing that Olympic marathon training.

 

Amazed the GOP last week didn’t try to recast Neil Armstrong’s first words stepping out of the Lunar Module on the moon as “I built this.”

 

 

Hank Williams Jr, declared again at a concert that “We’ve got a Muslim president.” Adding that Obama “hates cowboys, hates cowgirls, hates fishing, hates farming, loves gays, and we hate him!” Sigh. Proving again that people can change their religion, but being an a**hole is forever.

(Just wondering, what would Fox News do if some liberal gal singer accused Romney of being anti-Christian and said “we hate him?)

This season USC opened at #1 in college football polls. A ranking that lasted one week until Alabama crushed Michigan. SEC fans are leaning back and thinking “Well, glad that little affirmation action  charade is over.”-

 

“Honey Badger” Tyrann Mathieu, dismissed from the football team has nonetheless enrolled for classes at LSU this fall. Les Miles refuses to speculate on Matieu’s return to the field. I mean, this is all pretty shocking… a once and potentially future LSU football player going to classes?

Love this Washington Post comment passed on by a friend from “Wheat Farmer.” : “Paul Ryan ran a sub 3 hour marathon?? He must be Kenyan. Check his birth certificate.”

Regarding the Nationals’ decision to shut down Stephen Strasburg because they are looking to the future and what’s one year? Right, like when the Cubs lost the 1910 World Series, and their fans thought, well, heck, we won in 1908, we’ll be back….

Apparently many people have been retweeting the news today of Bob Denver’s death. Wonder how long it will take them to add that Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

End of the weak jokes.

September 1, 2012

So the GOP is done with their convention,  and next week it’s the Democrats’ turn.   Former President Bill Clinton is expected to play a large role this time around.  Rumor has it he’s already volunteered to help the Secret Service with their advance scouting.

 

 

Quote of the week?. “We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts,” Some crazy Democrat? No, Karl Rove.

In Texas, Allen High School has just opened $60 million double-decked stadium that seats 18,000 and features a 38 ft HD video screen. Wonder if it’s part of the school’s grand plan to apply to join the SEC?

Meanwhile,  not saying that #21 Stanford looked underwhelming in beating San Jose State 20-17.  But the chair looked better against Clint Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood was supposed to talk for five minutes.   He talked for 11.  Maybe the man Clint really should have been endorsing was Joe Biden.

 

The happiest sentence at BCS headquarters this week – “Boise State is 0-1.”

That “old retread” California Governor Jerry Brown, 74, said he ran 3 miles in 29 minutes this week. And challenged Chris Christie to a footrace. Now there’s a political contest I’d pay to see.

Michigan star RB Fitzgerald Toussaint, arrested for DUI in July with .12 BAL, has been suspended for just 1 game after pleading guilty to a lesser charge. The charge – “operating a vehicle while visually impaired.” “While visually impaired?” And we thought some steroid excuses were creative.

Mitt Romney was in Louisiana today, where the New Orleans levees so far have held. Wonder if someone  warned Mitt it might not be best time or place to rail against what Government has built.

Marco Rubio last night said that the GOP “chose more government instead of more freedom.” He apologized for the flub. But actually Rubio was being honest if you talk about marriage and women’s reproductive health….

 

From T.C.  On 84 year-old Vin Scully, the voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers for the past 63 years,  signing up for 2013. “That said, the Dodgers have listed him as day-to-day.”

Despite just adding $262 million to their payroll, the Dodgers are 3-7 in their last ten games.  l Not sure who first said money can’t buy happiness.  But for right now Boston Red Sox and and SF Giants fans would beg to differ.