Posted tagged ‘Akin jokes’

End of the weak jokes.

September 1, 2012

So the GOP is done with their convention,  and next week it’s the Democrats’ turn.   Former President Bill Clinton is expected to play a large role this time around.  Rumor has it he’s already volunteered to help the Secret Service with their advance scouting.

 

 

Quote of the week?. “We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts,” Some crazy Democrat? No, Karl Rove.

In Texas, Allen High School has just opened $60 million double-decked stadium that seats 18,000 and features a 38 ft HD video screen. Wonder if it’s part of the school’s grand plan to apply to join the SEC?

Meanwhile,  not saying that #21 Stanford looked underwhelming in beating San Jose State 20-17.  But the chair looked better against Clint Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood was supposed to talk for five minutes.   He talked for 11.  Maybe the man Clint really should have been endorsing was Joe Biden.

 

The happiest sentence at BCS headquarters this week – “Boise State is 0-1.”

That “old retread” California Governor Jerry Brown, 74, said he ran 3 miles in 29 minutes this week. And challenged Chris Christie to a footrace. Now there’s a political contest I’d pay to see.

Michigan star RB Fitzgerald Toussaint, arrested for DUI in July with .12 BAL, has been suspended for just 1 game after pleading guilty to a lesser charge. The charge – “operating a vehicle while visually impaired.” “While visually impaired?” And we thought some steroid excuses were creative.

Mitt Romney was in Louisiana today, where the New Orleans levees so far have held. Wonder if someone  warned Mitt it might not be best time or place to rail against what Government has built.

Marco Rubio last night said that the GOP “chose more government instead of more freedom.” He apologized for the flub. But actually Rubio was being honest if you talk about marriage and women’s reproductive health….

 

From T.C.  On 84 year-old Vin Scully, the voice of the Los Angeles Dodgers for the past 63 years,  signing up for 2013. “That said, the Dodgers have listed him as day-to-day.”

Despite just adding $262 million to their payroll, the Dodgers are 3-7 in their last ten games.  l Not sure who first said money can’t buy happiness.  But for right now Boston Red Sox and and SF Giants fans would beg to differ.

Red storm rising?

August 24, 2012

Rush Limbaugh is now accusing President Obama of creating hurricane warnings to disrupt the GOP convention in Tampa next week. Of course, if the warnings were for Charlotte before the Dem. convention Rush would say Obama was creating them as a distraction from his record.

Tropical storm and potential hurricane Isaac may actually wreak havoc on Tampa and thus the GOP convention. Republicans say, however, that the show will go on. In fact, they’re thinking of offering Todd Akin a special speaking slot – somewhere outdoors.

Now Ann Coulter is calling Todd Akin a “stupid swine.” Give the guy credit, he’s the first Republican both Coulter and Palin say has gone too far.

 

While we get over Prince Harry’s “scandalous” behavior, a Valedictorian of a small Oklahoma school is being denied her diploma because she said the word “Hell” in her speech, and won’t apologize to the school board. Sigh. Well this was a country founded by Puritans.

The USADA said they will strip all seven of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France titles after he dropped his fight against drug charges. Uh, can they actually name ANY potentially clean winner those years? It’s enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

Yikes. Three Tampa Bay Rays’ minor-leaguers have been suspended 50 games for methamphetamine. Wonder if they were just using, or trying to supplement their single-A salaries?

A Utah school board overrode a student vote choosing the “Cougars” as their new high school mascot because they said it would be insensitive to women. Really? Waiting for someone to say the board’s choice, “Chargers,” is insensitive to people who overuse their credit cards.

(Curiously enough, the BYU mascot is Cosmo the Cougar.  Uh, isn’t that doubly insensitive.  Not just the reference to older women dating younger men, but also the name of a slutty magazine…. (in Utah anyway.)

Gold medal gymnast Gabby Douglas threw out the first pitch at the Thursday’s NY Mets game. Her throw was close to a strike, prompting many fans to wish the team would sign her to a contract.

Prince Harry is back home in London after his adventures in Las Vegas.   And once again, many 40 and 50 plus Americans can thank their lucky stars they came of age before the era of camera phones.

Amazing. Barry Zito with 8 scoreless innings for SF Giants against Atlanta Braves Thursday night.  And getting strikeouts with pitches slower than most cars on California freeways.

If  Zito used PED’s would his pitches break glass?

This “bus to hell” moment brought to you by T.C. from B.C.   ” The LPGA is in town this week for the Canadian Open. All the local Korean restaurants are booked solid.   One owner said, “It’s a real dog eat dog business.”

Deep enough?

August 22, 2012

Someone please take away this man’s shovel, he’s dug himself deep enough: Todd Akin, still defiant, says the uproar is about misspeaking “one word in one sentence on one day.” Uh, no, sir, “legitimate” was a bad word, but your whole statement was reprehensible.

Todd Akin has a new ad running today saying “rape has many victims.” True. Including, when talking about it like an complete idiot, political campaigns.

Contrary to popular opinion, GOP leaders have already forgiven Todd Akin for his “legitimate rape” firestorm. In fact, today he received a personal invitation to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

The only really happy person in the GOP this week? Maybe Kevin Yoder, that congressman who went skinny dipping in the Sea of Galillee. Akin did manage to knock his “full disclosure” right off the front page.

Piers Morgan put an empty chair on his show last night after Todd Akin no-showed an interview. Most Republicans didn’t mind – the chair was far less embarrassing than Akin.

Akins last-minute cancellation led Morgan to refer to him as “what we would call in Britain a gutless little twerp.”  Thereby prompting millions of Americans to wish that Piers was moderating a Presidential debate.

RNC Chair Reince Priebus said today: “This is the platform of the Republican Party; it’s not the platform of Mitt Romney.” Is that because Romney is more moderate, or because the GOP can’t figure out what Mitt’s platform is either?

Diana Nyad’s latest attempt to swim from Cuba to Florida has ended. But her proud team said “Nobody in the world would even attempt this, but we did.” Uh, “nobody in the world?” Countless Cubans are thinking “Not exactly.”

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are officially single again. Impressive, their divorce proceedings were faster than a Kardashian marriage.

Mitt Romney on reports that Obama had spent more campaign money than he raised in July. “”We’re a little wiser in our spending than the other side, apparently.” Uh, well with the Super PACS that’s like saying you’re keeping to a budget when you’re living off your parents’ money.

Former MLB player Jeff Kent is appearing on the next Survivor. Wonder if one of the challenges will involve washing a truck?

An interesting sidelight on this Melky Cabrera story: Supposedly, positive tests are not announced unless a player’s appeals fail and he is actually suspended. So are there other players who might have come up with say, better fake websites?

In fact…. Ah Bud, always ahead of the curve: MLB commssioner Bud Selig has banned Melky Cabrera’s associate Juan Nunez from all clubhouses. As if players were lining up to have him design another easily caught fake website.

Tuesday was the 53rd anniversary of the day Hawaii became a state. As my funny friend Abbe Nelson says “part of a fiendishly clever plot by Kenyan socialists to take over the US 50 years later.