Posted tagged ‘GOP convention jokes’

Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

 

Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

It must be Hillary’s fault

July 18, 2016

Now she’s rubbed off on the latest Mrs. Trump.   #plagiarism #crookedmelania?

To be fair someone who’s repeated same marriage vows 3 times probably doesn’t have a real problem with plagiarism. ‪#‎Melania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

 

So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized? ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Before the plagiarism allegation popped up, that moment when a Presidential candidate’s third wife talks about how loyal he is. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎RNC2016‬

#‎RNCinCLE‬ is so backwards we could be watching in black and white. Except that there is almost no black and too much white.

So far ‪#‎Trump‬‘s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ is proving you can’t have a circus without elephants.

 

Leborn James today officially told the Cavs that he is returning to Cleveland. But not presumably this week during the convention.

#‎Melania‬ Trump, “Donald gets things done.” She should know; including the divorces from his first two wives.

This Republican convention makes you long for the comparative sanity of ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬

Another reason to dislike Trump in Northern California. By his VP choices he has sullied the name of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ beloved right fielder. ‪#‎Pence‬

The GOP managed to stop an attempted voice vote today over convention rules. The anti-Trump people clearly erred, they should have tied their protest to defunding Obamacare.

Trump on Obama’s response to the latest police shootings: “sometimes the words are OK, but you just look at the body language, there’s something going on. Look, there’s something going on, and the words are not often OK, by the way.”
Again, this is the Donald trying to be in Presidential mode.

Although Trump does seem a bit obsessed with Obama’s body language. Maybe he’s getting old. Used to be the Donald only cared about body language in a swimsuit competition.

Paul Ryan is being mocked for a large selfie with GOP interns that was whiter than a picture of polar bears in winter. Forget the open carry of guns, clearly some people cannot be trusted with selfie sticks.

Christopher Correa, the former Cardinals scouting director, was sentenced to 46 months in prison Monday for hacking the Houston Astros’ player personnel database and email system. Correa was the only person charged in the case.
St. Louis chairman Bill DeWitt Jr, had said it was “roguish behavior” by a handful of individuals.
Didn’t they say the same thing at first about Watergate?

(and as a number of friends pointed out, 46 months is longer than some people get for rape and DUI murders in this country.  #priorities)

In Chicopee, Massachusetts, a 15 year old boy was killed after, while looking for a friend in the afternoon, he knocked on the side door of the wrong house, and the homeowner shot him. ‪#‎ifonlytheboyhadbeenarmed‬

(and for the record, both the boy and the homeowner were white.)

TC brings up the next worry facing Americans – and Canadians-  let’s hope Melania does not steal our jokes.

Missed the sign?

June 30, 2016

After leading the Brexit movement, Boris Johnson has now said he doesn’t want to be Prime Minister. Whatever happened to “You break it, you buy it.”

The Dodgers have put Clayton Kershaw on the DL with a herniated  disc. SF Giants are wishing Kershaw well, and thinking “Don’t risk your career and health, take the rest of the summer off.”

 

Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher since 1976 to be scheduled to bat for himself in an AL park.  And he doubled to lead off the 3rd in a six-run inning.  Clearly this was all the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ needed to wake them up after a horrible evening.. ‪#‎PitchersWhoRake‬ ‪#‎PitchersWhoInspire‬

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ played much better defense tonight. Presumably they didn’t want to screw up & have to answer to ‪#‎Madbum‬ ‪#‎Pitcherswhocanhandleabat‬

 

Johnny Manziel has apparently been suspended four games for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. Well, gosh, hope that doesn’t make some team decide it would be risky to sign him.

Disney World has apparently pulled Louis the alligator, from their Princess and the Frog movie, from the new Friendship Faire Castle Show, and Peter Pan’s Tick-Tock the Croc, from the Festival of Fantasy Parade.
Good thing that poor little boy didn’t get run over in the Anaheim parking lot, or Disney might have had to close Cars Land.

Rolando McClain, the Dallas Cowboys LB who was suspended for the 1st four games of the 2015 NFL season for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, has now been suspended the first 10 games of this season for violating the same policy.
At some point it’s not a suspension for drugs, it’s a suspension for stupidity.

The FDA is now saying not to eat raw cookie dough, because uncooked flour can be hazardous to your health. Hmm, sounds like an opportunity for millions of Americans to start describing themselves as courageous risk takers.

Utah senator Mike Lee says he won’t support Donald Trump because Trump attacked ‘my best friend’ – Ted Cruz. Shocking. Cruz has a best friend?

Gwyneth Paltrow was apparently shocked to hear that Star Magazine declared her “the most hated celebrity.” “What did I do?” Well, cluelessness is a good start….-

A new USA Today poll shows Americans by 4-1 margin agree that the Brexit vote to leave the EU “was a sign of anger and dissatisfaction that can be seen in other countries, including the United States.”
Wonder how many Americans have any idea what the EU is?

Mike Ditka has declined Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the Republican National Convention. Guess he hasn’t been hit on the head THAT many times.

One of the Istanbul airport attackers was apparently Russian. So much for that Trump-Putin bromance.

 

Donald Trump today, speaking as a plane buzzed overhead “That could be a Mexican plane up there. They’re getting ready to attack.” Isn’t it nice that that Donald is trying to be more Presidential?

Chair man of the bored.

September 2, 2012

A last thought for the week on the GOP convention. Clint Eastwood’s empty chair got more airtime than Ron Paul.

Any truth to the rumor that Clint Eastwood was briefly detained on his return flight from Tampa for suspiciously talking to his airline seat?

Unfortunate choice of words from a Penn State fullback about Saturday’s game: We “know the power football has to bring people together.”

From Alex Kaseberg:  “New Nike LeBron James shoes cost $300 and come with a built-in IQ test. If you paid $300 for these shoes, you failed.”

(got to wonder, does putting on the shoes give you a sudden desire to move to South Beach?)

 

USC is being investigated again, this time for two athletes receiving gifts like cars and cars in 2009. Well, hey, with Barkley they may win the national championship and then who cares if the Trojans end up back on probation?

 

Well, for all those folks who hated the LSU-Alabama game, I think it’s safe to say that we won’t have another Michigan-Alabama rematch in this year’s BCS championship.

 

 

Mitt Romney said this weekend that Obama wants to cut a trillion dollars out of the military budget, but that he and Paul Ryan wouldn’t cut it at all.  Guess it’s all part of Mitt’s secret plan to reduce the deficit?

 

Mitt Romney making sports analogies about firing President Obama as a losing coach. Anyone but me want to hear someone – on camera – ask Romney who his favorite teams are?

Could be another ESPN special.  “The Indecision.”

 

 

 

Dwight Howard just took out an ad in the Orlando Sentinel saying “Words cannot express the love that I have for Orlando.” Most Magic fans could help him with a few words. A few of the printable ones are in “Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

 

Reverend Sun Myung Moon, 92, died today. The two most common responses in the U.S. – “He was still alive?” And for the younger generation – “Who the heck was Reverend Moon?”

 

 

Paul Ryan, who said last week he ran a “two hour and fifty-something” marathon, now admits his time for his one and only marathon was over 4 hours. Gosh, and who would have expected Ryan to stretch the truth?

 

(Wonder if people first got suspicious when Ryan claimed his running buddy was Chris Christie?)

 

 

A 20 year old fan fell to his death from the upper level of the Georgia Dome, following a 25 year old’s death in Reliant Stadium from trying to slide down a 5th floor elevator escalator. Darwinists and lawyers must be very happy.

Moving on.

August 31, 2012

The  GOP in the end got their convention in with minimal damage from Hurricane Isaac. And the Dems next week feel pretty sure no storm will damage their show. Heck, with Joe Biden big winds feel it’s a matter of professional courtesy.

So the “mystery guest” at the GOP convention was Clint Eastwood. Guess Clint didn’t read what Republicans said about him after that that “Halftime in America” ad.

Wrote this before,  but…  If Mitt Romney were somehow to win in November, Madame Tussaud’s will face a real challenge – how to make a wax figure of a wax figure.

As Isaac moves on, looks like New Orleans, a very blue dot in a very red state, escaped with minimal damage compared to the conservative rural areas nearby on the Louisiana and Mississippi coasts. Waiting for the fire-and-brimstone sermons about God’s intentions on this one.

New Orleans appears to have made it through Isaac with minimal damage. So on Saturday the Superbowl,   instead of housing 20,000 refugees, will only hold several thousand folks who couldn’t find anything better to do than a Rutgers-Tulane football game.

Some in the GOP are complaining about Chris Christie fast food and other “fat” jokes. Guess they forgot some of the humor includes recycled pre-heart-attack Bill Clinton jokes.

Chad Billingsley may be out for the year. Bad news for the Dodgers. Good news for teams trying to dump pitchers signed to $100 million+ contracts.

A new study found that extreme calorie restriction may not actually improve longevity. Well, and who wanted to live to be 100 and be hungry ALL the time anyway? –
The NFL is starting Week 1 with replacement refs, leading many to worry that a mistake could be made that affects the outcome of the season. Like misapplying the “tuck rule?”

An odd thought about Thursday’s GOP finale. So what happened to Hurricane Isaac? It delayed the convention, killed a few people and caused some serious damage in the U.S.. But not enough of a disaster to give Obama the chance to have a Presidential photo-op, so now not worth mentioning?

(Although let’s be fair, neither Louisiana nor Mississippi, the two hardest hit states, are swing states.  If so Obama’s federal aid would have been in a close race with Romney’s “private” charities to show up to deliver aid.)

The best of times, the worst of times.

August 30, 2012

Former Notre Dame RB Allen Pinkett, commenting on recent player suspensions, said “I’ve always felt like, to have a successful team, you have to have a few bad citizens on the team.” Proven by all those Super Bowl trophies won by the Cincinnati Bengals?

Monday night in Tampa, NJ Governor Chris Christie called California Governor Jerry Brown “an old retread.” Guess we can see why Christie wasn’t asked to introduce John McCain.

An interesting thing about Chris Christie’s speech last night. For the first 16 minutes he mentioned Mitt Romney as often as he mentioned George W. Bush.

Okay, two days into the GOP convention I think I’ve got this: America is in deep trouble, except in states with Republican Governors where everything is wonderful.

Class, nothing but class. T-shirt at Ohio State: “I’d rather shower at Penn State than cheer for the Wolverines.”

Fox News cancelled all Sarah Palin’s scheduled interviews during the Republican convention. Can’t wait to see, once Palin finally gets airtime, to see her again slam the liberal media…. Oops, never mind.

New York GM Brian Cashman said he wasn’t surprised when Melky Cabrera, who he traded, and Bartolo Colon, who he let go, failed drug tests. Makes sense, Cashman figures that he and the Yankees never make mistakes.

Mitt Romney just insisted on Fox News that “there was no reduction — not one dollar reduction — in taxes by virtue of having an account in Switzerland or a Cayman Islands investment.” Uh, if so, why would a smart man have the accounts in the first place?

Gosh, this is serious. Hurricane Isaac has now caused LSU to cancel practice for their football season opener Saturday. Against North Texas. That might put the spread under 50.

It’s been two weeks since Melky Cabrera’s suspension. Wonder how many actual websites have sprung up selling REAL tainted supplements? To serve as an excuse for the next guy.

TC wonders, was it Hurricane Isaac that got the GOP convention rescheduled to the 19th century.

Mitt Romney is considering a trip to the Gulf Coast after the convention. Where presumably Mitt will tell them they can fix and rebuild everything themselves, without asking for wasteful federal government help?

 

(Actually, as an act of private charity, I hear Mitt may show up to rescue stranded pets, with his ready-made car roof carrier.)

All these people saying what a bad hand Snooki’s poor baby got dealt. But it could have been worse for the kid, he could have been born to a Kardashian.

 

NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith says players may actually strike over replacement referees. And Jets fans who’ve watched preseason games are thinking “Oh, please, oh please…”

Hurricane Isaac’s winds are down to 50 mph.   Making the storm still more powerful than Barry Zito’s fastball.

Imperfect storms.

August 29, 2012

In Rick Santorum’s speect at tonight’s GOP convention, he said that we should elect Mitt Romney as president in order to stop an “assault on marriage and family.”  Well, heck, if that’s his priority, why isn’t Santorum also pushing for a constitutional amendment against divorce?

Whatever the damages from Isaac end up being,  the storm is almost certain to raise gas prices. And former V.P. Dick Cheney said “See, it’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good.”

 

 

Mitt Romney pollster Neil Newhouse “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.” Well, yeah, fact checkers use liberal commie-pinko stuff like math and science.

From Gary M.  “Mitt would attempt to cultivate a personality but thinks it would be too taxing.”

 

After tonight’s SF Giants web-gem.  A 5-5-6 foul pop up out recorded by Pablo Sandoval and Brandon Crawford,  seems pretty clear that the Giants are now the official MLB team of professional beach volleyball.

http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?c_id=sf&content_id=24286889&topic_id=11493214

How does Mitt Romney expect to work with Congress if he can’t even work with Ron Paul delegates?

ESPN has announced a new MLB contract for the next eight years. Eight years?!! That’s got to be at least 500 Yankees-Red Sox games.

Mark Teixeira may be heading to the DL. Hmm, wonder which high-priced replacements might be available. Of course now the Yankees and Dodgers are like two rich women fighting over the last new Louis Vuitton handbag.

Chris Christie bashed California Governor Jerry Brown yesterday. He must be upset at all those folks fleeing the Golden State trying to sneak across the borders to New Jersey.

Down in Tampa, Rev. Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition is still supporting Todd Akin, and says he “would prefer Akin over any competitor in a political race.” Which gives Sheldon something in common with many Democrats.

If Hurricane Isaac causes less than expected damage to Louisiana how long will it take for Governor Bobby Jindal to stop asking for more federal government money and start complaining again  about excess federal  government spending?

Darwin award winner of the month: A Kalispell man was killed by cars that ran him over on the freeway, while, according to his friends, he was out there in a ghillie suit (3D military camouflage) attempting to provoke a Bigfoot sighting – to make people think they had seen a Sasquatch.

Watching the hourly Isaac updates. Must say, in California we have our earthquakes but at least we don’t have to stress out for a week in advance anticipating them.

 

Blowing in the wind.

August 27, 2012

Got to love it – as the GOP bashes government spending in Tampa, Louisiana Gov. Jindal is complaining that President Obama’s “limited federal declaration” of emergency doesn’t provide for reimbursement of all expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm. And Bobby a “full” declaration, which would mean  more federal money…..

Hoping Isaac bypasses New Orleans, or only brings some moderately heavy wind and rain.   But if there is any damage,  especially while the GOP convention is going on, got to figure President Obama will get to the city faster than a Drew Brees pass gets to a Saints receiver.

There is some good news for the GOP with Isaac. The storm has temporarily stopped work on rigs that produce 24% of the oil in the U.S. part of the Gulf of Mexico. Meaning higher gas prices they can blame on Obama.

With Isaac resulting in the cancellation of the first day of the GOP convention, Donald Trump’s scheduled “surprise” role has disappeared. Maybe even God has had enough.

Mitt Romney is polling 0 percent with African-American voters.  And the last poll had a margin of error of 3.1%.  So he might be the first candidate to poll a  negative number.

The Los Angeles Yankees, er, Dodgers lost 10-0 today in Josh Beckett’s debut. And around Boston, the hills are alive, with the sounds of giggles.

Here we go again. Pennsylvania Senate candidate Tom Smith was asked about what he would do if a daughter or granddaughter were to become pregnant as a result of rape. Smith said that a family memberr went through “something similar” to rape: “Having a baby out of wedlock.”

The archbishop-elect of San Francisco was arrested in the wee hours of Saturday morning for alleged DUI in San Diego. The Vatican is just relieved there wasn’t an altar boy in the car.

The Red Sox-Dodgers blockbuster deal is complete. Where was David Stern when we needed him?

The New York Mets, despite their so-far miserable second half, say that Terry Collins’ job is safe.   Translation,  we can’t think of anyone else who would take on this mess.

Penn State has banned ‘Sweet Caroline’ from football games because of the ‘touching me, touching you’ lyrics. Uh oh, hope no one tells the Stanford band before they play Notre Dame….

Amongst Louisiana’s preparation for Isaac is the cancellation of classes for two days at LSU.   “Bummer,”  football players allegedly responded. “What’s class?”

Didn’t we pay for perfect?

August 26, 2012

The Dodgers lost today, 6-2 to the Marlins. You know what that means – time to trade for another $200 million in new players.

This just in, the Los Angeles Dodgers have offered Japan $100 million for a futures contract for  Kotaro Kiyomiya.

The Cowboys have ordained that Dez Bryant must follow some off-field rules, including not going to a strip club, while he is on the team. Let’s hope this doesn’t throw the Dallas area exotic dancing business into a recession.

USC announced that CB Isiah Wiley has been ruled academically ineligible for the 2012 season and has lost his scholarship. This should send a strong message to other Trojan players – do NOT blow off that final exam for ballroom dancing class.

T.O. has been cut by the Seattle Seahawks. And who saw that coming?

If it were the Democratic convention that was postponed  in Florida this week we’d be hearing nonstop from conservative preachers today how Isaac was an Act of God.

 

At a rally today, Mitt Romney accused the Obama campaign of continuing “to stoop to such a low level.” And then presumably he closed with another birth certificate joke.

Ron Paul said today of Mitt Romney: “I don’t fully endorse him for president.” Republicans are just glad Paul didn’t use the phrase “legitimate endorsement.”

 

An SF Chronicle article on Florida voters quotes Jim Tornabene, 76, who says he’s a former Democrat, and a retired firefighter with a good pension. He’ll vote for Romney because “He’s a capitalist, and I support capitalism. It used to be the Democratic Party. Now it’s the welfare party.” Right, and I got MY pension.

.

Meg Whitman has been CEO since Sept 2011 of HP, which just recorded a record $8.9 billion quarterly loss. Though Whitman says the company is in the “early stages of a turnaround” she expects to take 5-6 years. Not quite the timetable she and others have set for President Obama.

Whatever you say about Paul Ryan as a running mate, I guess at least he doesn’t put Mitt Romney in a position of running with a politician from Florida or Louisiana, who this week might need to ask for federal funds and help to deal with Hurricane Isaac.

Small and large steps

August 25, 2012

Upon the death of Neil Armstrong, the U.K Guardian referred to the Apollo 11 moon landing as “the moment of greatness” that “defined the American century.” And looking forward? Well, Snooki is in labor.

 

 

Armstrong’s death also reminds me of the quote attributed to Casey Stengel, about the truly awful 1962 New York Mets….that “man would walk on the moon before the Mets would win the pennant.

The headlines say that Tom Cruise got off cheaply in only paying Katie Holmes 400,000 a month child support. Thinking Katie feels she got off cheap in only having to stay married to him five years.

Joe Biden has cancelled his campaign visits to Florida due to the imminent arrival of Tropical Storm/Hurricane Isaac. Insert “more than enough blowing hot air”” joke here:

An RV bearing the slogan “Who’s Your Daddy” is functioning as a mobile clinic doing DNA paternity tests in New York City. Wonder how long until they get a sponsorship deal with the NBA?

At this point the extended NFL exhibition season has taken out more players than the Saints’ bounties.

Roger Clemens, 50, tossed 3 1/3 scoreless innings for the Sugar Land Skeeters tonight, adding fuel to the rumors that he will pitch at some point this season for the Houston Astros. Although actually what Roger probably really wants is to pitch AGAINST the Astros.

With their  trade with the Red Sox, the Dodgers have added another $261 million in payroll. Any truth to the rumor that Los Angeles’s 2013 uniforms will feature pinstripes?

The Boston Red Sox are thrilled to have gotten rid of Josh Beckett. Republicans trying to figure out the process to put Todd Akin on waivers.

Betty White said in an interview with People that her favorite foods are  “hot dogs and Red Vines and potato chips and French fries.  Maybe there’s something about those preservatives.

 

From Marc Ragovin:    Jennifer Garner recently referred to husband Ben Affleck as “walking testosterone.” In a related development, Affleck has announced that he is quitting acting to become the San Francisco Giants’ new left fielder. . . .

 

And an actual serious link below, though it might seem like a joke.  An op-ed from Charlie Crist, the former Republican governor of Florida.  Guess  there’s not any chance he’ll be a surprise speaker at the GOP convention.

 

http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/columns/obama-is-right-leader-for-our-times/1247631

 

Down for the count?

August 25, 2012

You cannot make this “stuff” up: Lynyrd Skynyrd is performing at the GOP convention. The band’s latest album? “Last of a dyin’ breed.”

Jerry Nelson, who voiced Count von Count on Sesame Street, has passed away. He was 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16….76, 77, 78 years old.

Todd Akin said again today he is staying in the Senate race. I’m waiting for him to say his rape comment was a “legitimate” mistake.

The Los Angeles Dodgers may get Josh Beckett, Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez from the Boston Red Sox. Performance enhancing? Maybe. Payroll enhancing? Definitely.

If Josh Beckett ends up with the Dodgers, Los Angeles will assume the two years and $31.5 million remaining on his contract. Wonder if that includes a beer and chicken stipend.

My friend Michael passes on this tweet from an unknown source…”if Magic takes Beckett from Sox he will be more popular in Boston than Larry Bird”

Houston owner Jim Crane said he was open to the idea of Clemens rejoining the team, even at the age of 50. Will Roger ever be a major league pitcher again? Probably not. But he might be good enough for the Astros’  rotation.

 

Wonder if the Tour de France is going to find the best “clean” rider to declare the winner for the years Lance Armstrong won. And if so does the kid still even have his his “Big Wheel?”

Senior LB Storm Klein who was dismissed from Ohio State following a domestic violence charge, was reinstated by Coach Urban Meyer after pleading guilty to a reduced charge of misdemeanor disorderly conduct. And who saw that coming?
Campaign quote of the day: “Big business is doing fine in many places. They know how to find ways to get through the tax code, save money by putting various things in the places where there are low tax havens around the world for their businesses.” Obama again? No, Mitt Romney, at a fundraiser.
Mitt Romney campaigning in Michigan today said “No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate.” True. But no one’s now asking to see Barack Obama’s tax returns.
Bill “Spaceman” Lee, 65, got the win for the independent San Rafael Pacifics last night, and became the oldest pitcher ever to win a professional baseball game. And he still probably throws harder than Barry Zito.
Footage has surfaced of Ryan Lochte with Prince Harry in Las Vegas. Not playing strip billiards, but having a 3am swimming race. Now that the video’s out, wonder if the hotel’s already cleaned the pool?

Red storm rising?

August 24, 2012

Rush Limbaugh is now accusing President Obama of creating hurricane warnings to disrupt the GOP convention in Tampa next week. Of course, if the warnings were for Charlotte before the Dem. convention Rush would say Obama was creating them as a distraction from his record.

Tropical storm and potential hurricane Isaac may actually wreak havoc on Tampa and thus the GOP convention. Republicans say, however, that the show will go on. In fact, they’re thinking of offering Todd Akin a special speaking slot – somewhere outdoors.

Now Ann Coulter is calling Todd Akin a “stupid swine.” Give the guy credit, he’s the first Republican both Coulter and Palin say has gone too far.

 

While we get over Prince Harry’s “scandalous” behavior, a Valedictorian of a small Oklahoma school is being denied her diploma because she said the word “Hell” in her speech, and won’t apologize to the school board. Sigh. Well this was a country founded by Puritans.

The USADA said they will strip all seven of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France titles after he dropped his fight against drug charges. Uh, can they actually name ANY potentially clean winner those years? It’s enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

Yikes. Three Tampa Bay Rays’ minor-leaguers have been suspended 50 games for methamphetamine. Wonder if they were just using, or trying to supplement their single-A salaries?

A Utah school board overrode a student vote choosing the “Cougars” as their new high school mascot because they said it would be insensitive to women. Really? Waiting for someone to say the board’s choice, “Chargers,” is insensitive to people who overuse their credit cards.

(Curiously enough, the BYU mascot is Cosmo the Cougar.  Uh, isn’t that doubly insensitive.  Not just the reference to older women dating younger men, but also the name of a slutty magazine…. (in Utah anyway.)

Gold medal gymnast Gabby Douglas threw out the first pitch at the Thursday’s NY Mets game. Her throw was close to a strike, prompting many fans to wish the team would sign her to a contract.

Prince Harry is back home in London after his adventures in Las Vegas.   And once again, many 40 and 50 plus Americans can thank their lucky stars they came of age before the era of camera phones.

Amazing. Barry Zito with 8 scoreless innings for SF Giants against Atlanta Braves Thursday night.  And getting strikeouts with pitches slower than most cars on California freeways.

If  Zito used PED’s would his pitches break glass?

This “bus to hell” moment brought to you by T.C. from B.C.   ” The LPGA is in town this week for the Canadian Open. All the local Korean restaurants are booked solid.   One owner said, “It’s a real dog eat dog business.”