Posted tagged ‘norovirus jokes’

Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

 

Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

Creature Features.

November 18, 2014

Rumor has it that the Padres are actually interested in Pablo Sandoval. Talk about a potential waste. Has someone told San Diego ownership that the Panda only hits well in the postseason?

 

MLB’s collective bargaining agreement states teams cannot penalize a team for weight.  But a new report says the Boston Red Sox would offer Pablo Sandoval a contract with bonuses for keeping his weight down.  Because that worked so well with Big Papi?

Next promotion for the Lakers? A giveaway of Jack Nicholson style sunglasses. To enhance the experience for fans the glasses will reportedly be opaque.

An Australian news show host decided to prove a point about the way his female colleagues were treated over their clothes and appearance, and decided to wear the same suit every day until someone noticed.. After a year Stefanovic has not only proved his point, – no one noticed –  millions of men no doubt consider him a hero.

A beagle in Texas saw his owner being taken away in an ambulance, and jumped aboard, riding on the side step for 25 miles to the hospital. Meanwhile no doubt the house cat used the opportunity to snag some extra food.

The Crown Princess has had their second outbreak of Norovirus in six months, bringing the total number of sickened passengers over 300. Wonder how many thousands of Americans may be so upset by the news that they postpone their flu shots?

After Sunday’s 5 interceptions that gave the game to the ‪#‎49ers‬, should the ‪#‎NYGiants‬ Eli Manning register as a 501 (c) (3) charity?

Will Muschamp apparently has been told he will not return as Florida’s coach next season. Well, Muschamp did accomplish one notable thing in his tenure, he made Gator fans miss Ron Zook.

The DEA did surprise inspections yesterday of the 49ers, Seahawks and Buccaneers for possible prescription drug abuse. In the last case, was this the first time ever someone thought it might have required drugs to beat the Redskins?

 

When Candlestick Park is demolished, the area will house a 500,000-square-foot “urban outlet” shopping center. Presume it will be a great place to buy warm coats?

The Sacramento Kings filed a protest over a last second 111-110 loss to the Grizzlies on a buzzer beater last week, saying the clock had run out. This in a game where the Kings blew a 26 point lead. Two things. 1- Who really thinks a single regular season NBA game matters? 2. Does Sacramento really want to do anything to remind fans of blowing a 26 point lead?

 

 

Bus to hell moment from Bill Littlejohn  “Jose Canseco wants to sell the finger that he blew off with a gun.John Wayne Bobbitt commented, ‘Don’t ask.'”