Posted tagged ‘Hurricane Isaac jokes’

Moving on.

August 31, 2012

The  GOP in the end got their convention in with minimal damage from Hurricane Isaac. And the Dems next week feel pretty sure no storm will damage their show. Heck, with Joe Biden big winds feel it’s a matter of professional courtesy.

So the “mystery guest” at the GOP convention was Clint Eastwood. Guess Clint didn’t read what Republicans said about him after that that “Halftime in America” ad.

Wrote this before,  but…  If Mitt Romney were somehow to win in November, Madame Tussaud’s will face a real challenge – how to make a wax figure of a wax figure.

As Isaac moves on, looks like New Orleans, a very blue dot in a very red state, escaped with minimal damage compared to the conservative rural areas nearby on the Louisiana and Mississippi coasts. Waiting for the fire-and-brimstone sermons about God’s intentions on this one.

New Orleans appears to have made it through Isaac with minimal damage. So on Saturday the Superbowl,   instead of housing 20,000 refugees, will only hold several thousand folks who couldn’t find anything better to do than a Rutgers-Tulane football game.

Some in the GOP are complaining about Chris Christie fast food and other “fat” jokes. Guess they forgot some of the humor includes recycled pre-heart-attack Bill Clinton jokes.

Chad Billingsley may be out for the year. Bad news for the Dodgers. Good news for teams trying to dump pitchers signed to $100 million+ contracts.

A new study found that extreme calorie restriction may not actually improve longevity. Well, and who wanted to live to be 100 and be hungry ALL the time anyway? –
The NFL is starting Week 1 with replacement refs, leading many to worry that a mistake could be made that affects the outcome of the season. Like misapplying the “tuck rule?”

An odd thought about Thursday’s GOP finale. So what happened to Hurricane Isaac? It delayed the convention, killed a few people and caused some serious damage in the U.S.. But not enough of a disaster to give Obama the chance to have a Presidential photo-op, so now not worth mentioning?

(Although let’s be fair, neither Louisiana nor Mississippi, the two hardest hit states, are swing states.  If so Obama’s federal aid would have been in a close race with Romney’s “private” charities to show up to deliver aid.)

The best of times, the worst of times.

August 30, 2012

Former Notre Dame RB Allen Pinkett, commenting on recent player suspensions, said “I’ve always felt like, to have a successful team, you have to have a few bad citizens on the team.” Proven by all those Super Bowl trophies won by the Cincinnati Bengals?

Monday night in Tampa, NJ Governor Chris Christie called California Governor Jerry Brown “an old retread.” Guess we can see why Christie wasn’t asked to introduce John McCain.

An interesting thing about Chris Christie’s speech last night. For the first 16 minutes he mentioned Mitt Romney as often as he mentioned George W. Bush.

Okay, two days into the GOP convention I think I’ve got this: America is in deep trouble, except in states with Republican Governors where everything is wonderful.

Class, nothing but class. T-shirt at Ohio State: “I’d rather shower at Penn State than cheer for the Wolverines.”

Fox News cancelled all Sarah Palin’s scheduled interviews during the Republican convention. Can’t wait to see, once Palin finally gets airtime, to see her again slam the liberal media…. Oops, never mind.

New York GM Brian Cashman said he wasn’t surprised when Melky Cabrera, who he traded, and Bartolo Colon, who he let go, failed drug tests. Makes sense, Cashman figures that he and the Yankees never make mistakes.

Mitt Romney just insisted on Fox News that “there was no reduction — not one dollar reduction — in taxes by virtue of having an account in Switzerland or a Cayman Islands investment.” Uh, if so, why would a smart man have the accounts in the first place?

Gosh, this is serious. Hurricane Isaac has now caused LSU to cancel practice for their football season opener Saturday. Against North Texas. That might put the spread under 50.

It’s been two weeks since Melky Cabrera’s suspension. Wonder how many actual websites have sprung up selling REAL tainted supplements? To serve as an excuse for the next guy.

TC wonders, was it Hurricane Isaac that got the GOP convention rescheduled to the 19th century.

Mitt Romney is considering a trip to the Gulf Coast after the convention. Where presumably Mitt will tell them they can fix and rebuild everything themselves, without asking for wasteful federal government help?

 

(Actually, as an act of private charity, I hear Mitt may show up to rescue stranded pets, with his ready-made car roof carrier.)

All these people saying what a bad hand Snooki’s poor baby got dealt. But it could have been worse for the kid, he could have been born to a Kardashian.

 

NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith says players may actually strike over replacement referees. And Jets fans who’ve watched preseason games are thinking “Oh, please, oh please…”

Hurricane Isaac’s winds are down to 50 mph.   Making the storm still more powerful than Barry Zito’s fastball.

Imperfect storms.

August 29, 2012

In Rick Santorum’s speect at tonight’s GOP convention, he said that we should elect Mitt Romney as president in order to stop an “assault on marriage and family.”  Well, heck, if that’s his priority, why isn’t Santorum also pushing for a constitutional amendment against divorce?

Whatever the damages from Isaac end up being,  the storm is almost certain to raise gas prices. And former V.P. Dick Cheney said “See, it’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good.”

 

 

Mitt Romney pollster Neil Newhouse “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact checkers.” Well, yeah, fact checkers use liberal commie-pinko stuff like math and science.

From Gary M.  “Mitt would attempt to cultivate a personality but thinks it would be too taxing.”

 

After tonight’s SF Giants web-gem.  A 5-5-6 foul pop up out recorded by Pablo Sandoval and Brandon Crawford,  seems pretty clear that the Giants are now the official MLB team of professional beach volleyball.

http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?c_id=sf&content_id=24286889&topic_id=11493214

How does Mitt Romney expect to work with Congress if he can’t even work with Ron Paul delegates?

ESPN has announced a new MLB contract for the next eight years. Eight years?!! That’s got to be at least 500 Yankees-Red Sox games.

Mark Teixeira may be heading to the DL. Hmm, wonder which high-priced replacements might be available. Of course now the Yankees and Dodgers are like two rich women fighting over the last new Louis Vuitton handbag.

Chris Christie bashed California Governor Jerry Brown yesterday. He must be upset at all those folks fleeing the Golden State trying to sneak across the borders to New Jersey.

Down in Tampa, Rev. Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition is still supporting Todd Akin, and says he “would prefer Akin over any competitor in a political race.” Which gives Sheldon something in common with many Democrats.

If Hurricane Isaac causes less than expected damage to Louisiana how long will it take for Governor Bobby Jindal to stop asking for more federal government money and start complaining again  about excess federal  government spending?

Darwin award winner of the month: A Kalispell man was killed by cars that ran him over on the freeway, while, according to his friends, he was out there in a ghillie suit (3D military camouflage) attempting to provoke a Bigfoot sighting – to make people think they had seen a Sasquatch.

Watching the hourly Isaac updates. Must say, in California we have our earthquakes but at least we don’t have to stress out for a week in advance anticipating them.

 

Blowing in the wind.

August 27, 2012

Got to love it – as the GOP bashes government spending in Tampa, Louisiana Gov. Jindal is complaining that President Obama’s “limited federal declaration” of emergency doesn’t provide for reimbursement of all expenses that the state is taking to prepare for the storm. And Bobby a “full” declaration, which would mean  more federal money…..

Hoping Isaac bypasses New Orleans, or only brings some moderately heavy wind and rain.   But if there is any damage,  especially while the GOP convention is going on, got to figure President Obama will get to the city faster than a Drew Brees pass gets to a Saints receiver.

There is some good news for the GOP with Isaac. The storm has temporarily stopped work on rigs that produce 24% of the oil in the U.S. part of the Gulf of Mexico. Meaning higher gas prices they can blame on Obama.

With Isaac resulting in the cancellation of the first day of the GOP convention, Donald Trump’s scheduled “surprise” role has disappeared. Maybe even God has had enough.

Mitt Romney is polling 0 percent with African-American voters.  And the last poll had a margin of error of 3.1%.  So he might be the first candidate to poll a  negative number.

The Los Angeles Yankees, er, Dodgers lost 10-0 today in Josh Beckett’s debut. And around Boston, the hills are alive, with the sounds of giggles.

Here we go again. Pennsylvania Senate candidate Tom Smith was asked about what he would do if a daughter or granddaughter were to become pregnant as a result of rape. Smith said that a family memberr went through “something similar” to rape: “Having a baby out of wedlock.”

The archbishop-elect of San Francisco was arrested in the wee hours of Saturday morning for alleged DUI in San Diego. The Vatican is just relieved there wasn’t an altar boy in the car.

The Red Sox-Dodgers blockbuster deal is complete. Where was David Stern when we needed him?

The New York Mets, despite their so-far miserable second half, say that Terry Collins’ job is safe.   Translation,  we can’t think of anyone else who would take on this mess.

Penn State has banned ‘Sweet Caroline’ from football games because of the ‘touching me, touching you’ lyrics. Uh oh, hope no one tells the Stanford band before they play Notre Dame….

Amongst Louisiana’s preparation for Isaac is the cancellation of classes for two days at LSU.   “Bummer,”  football players allegedly responded. “What’s class?”

Didn’t we pay for perfect?

August 26, 2012

The Dodgers lost today, 6-2 to the Marlins. You know what that means – time to trade for another $200 million in new players.

This just in, the Los Angeles Dodgers have offered Japan $100 million for a futures contract for  Kotaro Kiyomiya.

The Cowboys have ordained that Dez Bryant must follow some off-field rules, including not going to a strip club, while he is on the team. Let’s hope this doesn’t throw the Dallas area exotic dancing business into a recession.

USC announced that CB Isiah Wiley has been ruled academically ineligible for the 2012 season and has lost his scholarship. This should send a strong message to other Trojan players – do NOT blow off that final exam for ballroom dancing class.

T.O. has been cut by the Seattle Seahawks. And who saw that coming?

If it were the Democratic convention that was postponed  in Florida this week we’d be hearing nonstop from conservative preachers today how Isaac was an Act of God.

 

At a rally today, Mitt Romney accused the Obama campaign of continuing “to stoop to such a low level.” And then presumably he closed with another birth certificate joke.

Ron Paul said today of Mitt Romney: “I don’t fully endorse him for president.” Republicans are just glad Paul didn’t use the phrase “legitimate endorsement.”

 

An SF Chronicle article on Florida voters quotes Jim Tornabene, 76, who says he’s a former Democrat, and a retired firefighter with a good pension. He’ll vote for Romney because “He’s a capitalist, and I support capitalism. It used to be the Democratic Party. Now it’s the welfare party.” Right, and I got MY pension.

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Meg Whitman has been CEO since Sept 2011 of HP, which just recorded a record $8.9 billion quarterly loss. Though Whitman says the company is in the “early stages of a turnaround” she expects to take 5-6 years. Not quite the timetable she and others have set for President Obama.

Whatever you say about Paul Ryan as a running mate, I guess at least he doesn’t put Mitt Romney in a position of running with a politician from Florida or Louisiana, who this week might need to ask for federal funds and help to deal with Hurricane Isaac.

Red storm rising?

August 24, 2012

Rush Limbaugh is now accusing President Obama of creating hurricane warnings to disrupt the GOP convention in Tampa next week. Of course, if the warnings were for Charlotte before the Dem. convention Rush would say Obama was creating them as a distraction from his record.

Tropical storm and potential hurricane Isaac may actually wreak havoc on Tampa and thus the GOP convention. Republicans say, however, that the show will go on. In fact, they’re thinking of offering Todd Akin a special speaking slot – somewhere outdoors.

Now Ann Coulter is calling Todd Akin a “stupid swine.” Give the guy credit, he’s the first Republican both Coulter and Palin say has gone too far.

 

While we get over Prince Harry’s “scandalous” behavior, a Valedictorian of a small Oklahoma school is being denied her diploma because she said the word “Hell” in her speech, and won’t apologize to the school board. Sigh. Well this was a country founded by Puritans.

The USADA said they will strip all seven of Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France titles after he dropped his fight against drug charges. Uh, can they actually name ANY potentially clean winner those years? It’s enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

Yikes. Three Tampa Bay Rays’ minor-leaguers have been suspended 50 games for methamphetamine. Wonder if they were just using, or trying to supplement their single-A salaries?

A Utah school board overrode a student vote choosing the “Cougars” as their new high school mascot because they said it would be insensitive to women. Really? Waiting for someone to say the board’s choice, “Chargers,” is insensitive to people who overuse their credit cards.

(Curiously enough, the BYU mascot is Cosmo the Cougar.  Uh, isn’t that doubly insensitive.  Not just the reference to older women dating younger men, but also the name of a slutty magazine…. (in Utah anyway.)

Gold medal gymnast Gabby Douglas threw out the first pitch at the Thursday’s NY Mets game. Her throw was close to a strike, prompting many fans to wish the team would sign her to a contract.

Prince Harry is back home in London after his adventures in Las Vegas.   And once again, many 40 and 50 plus Americans can thank their lucky stars they came of age before the era of camera phones.

Amazing. Barry Zito with 8 scoreless innings for SF Giants against Atlanta Braves Thursday night.  And getting strikeouts with pitches slower than most cars on California freeways.

If  Zito used PED’s would his pitches break glass?

This “bus to hell” moment brought to you by T.C. from B.C.   ” The LPGA is in town this week for the Canadian Open. All the local Korean restaurants are booked solid.   One owner said, “It’s a real dog eat dog business.”