Deep enough?

Someone please take away this man’s shovel, he’s dug himself deep enough: Todd Akin, still defiant, says the uproar is about misspeaking “one word in one sentence on one day.” Uh, no, sir, “legitimate” was a bad word, but your whole statement was reprehensible.

Todd Akin has a new ad running today saying “rape has many victims.” True. Including, when talking about it like an complete idiot, political campaigns.

Contrary to popular opinion, GOP leaders have already forgiven Todd Akin for his “legitimate rape” firestorm. In fact, today he received a personal invitation to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

The only really happy person in the GOP this week? Maybe Kevin Yoder, that congressman who went skinny dipping in the Sea of Galillee. Akin did manage to knock his “full disclosure” right off the front page.

Piers Morgan put an empty chair on his show last night after Todd Akin no-showed an interview. Most Republicans didn’t mind – the chair was far less embarrassing than Akin.

Akins last-minute cancellation led Morgan to refer to him as “what we would call in Britain a gutless little twerp.”  Thereby prompting millions of Americans to wish that Piers was moderating a Presidential debate.

RNC Chair Reince Priebus said today: “This is the platform of the Republican Party; it’s not the platform of Mitt Romney.” Is that because Romney is more moderate, or because the GOP can’t figure out what Mitt’s platform is either?

Diana Nyad’s latest attempt to swim from Cuba to Florida has ended. But her proud team said “Nobody in the world would even attempt this, but we did.” Uh, “nobody in the world?” Countless Cubans are thinking “Not exactly.”

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are officially single again. Impressive, their divorce proceedings were faster than a Kardashian marriage.

Mitt Romney on reports that Obama had spent more campaign money than he raised in July. “”We’re a little wiser in our spending than the other side, apparently.” Uh, well with the Super PACS that’s like saying you’re keeping to a budget when you’re living off your parents’ money.

Former MLB player Jeff Kent is appearing on the next Survivor. Wonder if one of the challenges will involve washing a truck?

An interesting sidelight on this Melky Cabrera story: Supposedly, positive tests are not announced unless a player’s appeals fail and he is actually suspended. So are there other players who might have come up with say, better fake websites?

In fact…. Ah Bud, always ahead of the curve: MLB commssioner Bud Selig has banned Melky Cabrera’s associate Juan Nunez from all clubhouses. As if players were lining up to have him design another easily caught fake website.

Tuesday was the 53rd anniversary of the day Hawaii became a state. As my funny friend Abbe Nelson says “part of a fiendishly clever plot by Kenyan socialists to take over the US 50 years later.

Explore posts in the same categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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