Posted tagged ‘ivanka jokes’

I believe in the church of baseball

February 9, 2017

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

 

 

Nothing to see here

December 23, 2016

Bill Belichick admitted today that the Patriots were unaware of how extreme Michael Floyd’s DUI was. But the New England coach didn’t seem too deflated about it.

 

 

Idaho beat Colorado State 61-50 in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. I am aware several stars have decided to forego bowl games, but did both teams’ defenses decide to stay home?

Ezekiel Elliott says he won’t jump in a Salvation Army kettle, after he was not fined for the last celebration – “I think I had my one get-out-of-jail-free card,I used it already.”
Is that really the best phrase to use for a football player who is still under investigation for domestic violence?

Manny Ramirez’s wife told TMZ that Manny, 44, wants to play professional baseball again. Can the SFGiants sign him and gift wrap him as a present to the Dodgers?

So tired of hearing that “without California Trump would have won the popular vote. And yeah, without California the  Tigers & Royals would each have one more World Series trophy, and the Rangers would have their first.  #SFGIants

On a positive note, tuned into the Spurs-Clippers game tonight, and while I’m not a mall jewelry store fan, saw a nice holiday “Love” commercial from Zales featuring two lovely brides. On TNT. And this commercial has apparently been out for a few weeks and has survived social media conservative outrage. #progress #wellplayed

Grayson Allen has been suspended indefinitely for “actions that do not meet the standards of Duke Basketball.” So during this time will Allen get help, or consider switching his talents to football?

The Beach Boys are reportedly considering playing Donald Trump’s inaugural. Considering all the discussion about popular vote, guessing one of their song choices won’t be “California Girls.”

New White House counselor Kellyanne Conway, asked if she will have trouble handling her job while being a mother of four. “I would say that I don’t play golf and I don’t have a mistress so, I have a lot of time that a lot of these other men don’t.”
Uh, so for all these years how has Trump done HIS job?

And Kellyanne Conway also indicates that Trump might not have a ban on Muslims per se, but for a ban on individuals from terrorist-prone countries. Uh, looking at Sandy Hook, Charleston and any number of mass shootings,  could that standard be used by other countries to keep Americans out?

 

Twitter’s stock keeps falling after their CTO and VP of Product both announced they would leave. One analyst says the company is ‘toast.” Maybe Trump will just buy the whole thing and use it instead of Press Conferences.

The US and Russia need more nuclear weapons like billionaires need a tax cut.

Tough matchups

December 1, 2016

The 1-10 SF 49ers this Sunday take on the 2-9 Chicago Bears. The game promises to be almost as riveting as the Cleveland Browns vs. bye week

Who says there’s no good news anymore? MLB just announced that World Series home field advantage will no longer belong to the winner of the All-Star game, but to the pennant winner with the best record. #IblameObama

 

An English company is selling an advent calendar where each day brings a new small bite of cheese. Now if they can only figure out a way to add wine to that.

 

Our long national nightmare is over. #TIgerWoods is back playing on the PGA tour. At least until Friday.

A new report says Amazon, which has most of its employees in California and Washington, has eliminated 140,000 more retail jobs than they have created. What’s next? Tariffs on blue states?

 

 

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have had a second child. To show there are no hard feelings, Kutcher’s ex-wife Demi Moore generously sent over some of Ashton’s old toys.

A new poll from the Kaiser Family Foundation found only about 25% of Americans want Trump to repeal Obamacare. Wonder what else voters hope he didn’t actually mean?

So according to Politico, first daughter Ivanka Trump wants to make climate change one of her signature issues. Could she start by convincing her father it is real?

 

Glad to hear #IvankaTrump has decided to make climate change one of her issues. Hoping this isn’t just because she wants to sell more coats.

First it was #Starbucks over cups, now it’s #Kelloggs over Breitbart. Some boycotting conservatives going to have a hard time w/ breakfast.

I could deal w/ @realDonaldTrump’s angry tweets a lot better if he occasionally directed them at some of his SUPPORTERS behaving badly.

The CEO of Levi Strauss wrote an open letter “Recently, we had an incident in one of our stores where a gun inadvertently went off, injuring the customer who was carrying it….. So, while we understand the heartfelt and strongly held opinions on both sides of the gun debate, it is with the safety and security of our employees and customers in mind that we respectfully ask people not to bring firearms into our stores, offices or facilities, even in states where it’s permitted by law. Of course, authorized members of law enforcement are an exception.”
And now some are calling for boycotting Levi’s. #weregoingtoneedabiggerbasket

Not a dream

July 21, 2016

 

“I gratefully accept your nomination for President of United States”. So okay, who was holding out a shred of hope ‪#‎Trump‬ might say “Just kidding?

So regarding the hashtag ‪#‎TrumpIsWithYou‬. Can America get a restraining order?

So somehow I missed the part about poor young American women having modeling jobs taken from them by immigrants. ‪#‎TrumpSpeech‬

Just guessing during this campaign that ‪#‎Trump‬ is not going to be plagiarizing Teddy Roosevelt on that “speak softly” part.

If ‪#‎Trump‬ is half as wonderful a boss to little people as his daughter claims wonder why 1 or 2 of them aren’t speaking at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ?

Tom Barrack, about Trump “You learn how to be a man by watching your father.” So does that mean Donald Jr, and Eric will soon be trading in their wives for younger models?

“When you have my father in your corner you will never have to worry about being let down”. Unless you married him. ‪#‎Ivanka

 

If America really wants an orange president is it too late to draft an oompa loompa?

If America was half as bad as ‪#‎Trump‬ is saying tonight why are all these immigrants trying to come here?

 

Now I understand why ‪#‎Trump‬ is so orange. Because it makes it impossible to tell how red he is in the face.

So wonder how many of those ‪#‎RNC‬ delegates who actually cheered Trump talking about ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ community knew he was talking about gay people?

Trump Campaign chief Paul Manafort on sexism allegations, some women will vote Trump because their HUSBANDS “have trouble paying for family bills,”

 

Wonder how many reasonable Republicans are wondering how quickly we could repeal the 22nd amendment? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎Trump‬ ‪#‎Obama3rdterm‬

Uh, does ‪#‎Trump‬ know that ‪#‎MikePence‬ did such a good job in Indiana that he might not have been re-elected this November?

So ‪#‎Ivanka‬ takes about “affordable and accessible child care.” Uh, has she listened to her father about that wall? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Is this what it felt like to be watching in early 1930s Germany? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

#‎SFGiants‬ had night off. Fans who turned in to ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ discovered there are scarier things than Casilla coming in with a 1 run lead.

To extend her 15 minutes, ‪#‎RielleHunter‬ brings 8-yr-old daughter w/ ‪#‎JohnEdwards‬ on ‪#‎GMA‬. Reminds us both ‪#‎Dems‬ & ‪#‎GOP‬ make bad VP choices.

Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ former mistress, has written a book children’s book, let their 8-yr-old daughter illustrate it, and has now given an interview with Good Morning America, along with the kid by her side, on what “great co-parents” she and her ex-lover are.
Uh, just thinking even a semi-great parent wouldn’t throw a poor little girl who was born into pretty embarrassing circumstances, into the public eye. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixnarcissisticeither‬.

Many RNC delegates thought ‪#‎TedCruz‬ was condescending, and that’s before they had to look up “servile.” ‪#‎servilepuppydog‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

Now it looks like not only does Melania Trump not have a college degree in design and architecture as claimed, she may not even have attended university. So maybe she didn’t even learn there was a thing called “plagiarism.”

Silly commotion over ‪#‎MegynKelly‬‘s top at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ yesterday. Could have been worse, person in skimpy outfit could’ve been ‪#‎ChrisChristie‬

Ted Cruz is being attacked by many at the RNC for saying last night to “vote your conscience.” For implying that most of them HAVE a conscience?

 

Reports are that the NBA is moving the 2017 All-Star game from Charlotte to New Orleans over North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. And guessing players are thrilled over this display of progressive values- who wouldn’t prefer to spend the week in New Orleans?

MLB commissioner Rob Manfred talked today about limiting the use of relievers “Our relief pitchers have become so dominate at the back end that they actually rob action out of the end of the game, the last few innings of the game.”
Uh, clearly Manfred hasn’t been staying up late enough to watch many SF Giants games.

Today is ‪#‎NationalJunkFoodDay‬ Come on, this is America, EVERY day is National Junk Food Day.

A new company has developed, “Modobag,” which they say is the world’s first rideable motorized luggage And you think travelers rushing through the airports while looking at their phones are a menace now