Posted tagged ‘spicer jokes’

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Punishments and maybe crimes.

August 23, 2019

 

New England safety Patrick Chung reported has been arrested and will be charged with of cocaine possession, This being the Patriots, let’s see how NFL makes sure any jail time or suspension is scheduled for after 2020 Super Bowl.

 

Baltimore Orioles pitchers gave up 259th home run of 2019, now breaking single-season record set by 2016 Reds.
With over a month left in season 300 is CLEARLY in sight.
Just imagine if the team played at Great American Ballpark or Coors?

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Wait, now Starbucks announced that Pumpkin Spice Latte is returning Aug. 27. Along with Christmas decorations? WTF?

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QANTAS plans to start a New York to Sydney flight, but first they will do test flights to study what happens to health of flight crews and passengers when they spend 19 hours on a plane.
Will the tests include being in a middle seat with crying babies on both sides?

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Welcome to the USA. Have a client who has been sitting on the ground at SFO on an Air Canada plane for over 90 minutes after landing waiting for a gate…
Are we great yet?

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So why did Sarah Huckabee Sanders just now join Fox News? Was she waiting to see if she could beat out Sean Spicer for DWTS?

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Sean Spicer heads to “Dancing With The Stars.” Meanwhile Sarah Huckabee Sanders heads to Fox News “Dancing with the Truth.”

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Even “Wag the Dog” thought when the President started a fake conflict it had to be over Albania. Guess they thought no one would believe…. GREENLAND?!!

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Tom Cotton, defending Trump. “pointed several times to President Harry Truman’s attempts to buy Greenland from Denmark” in 1946.
Uh, President Harry Truman also proposed a universal health care program in 1945. …

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So what’s next, Trump picks a fight with England when he decides he wants Queen Elizabeth to sell him his ancestral homeland of Scotland?

 

Really really miss the days when you could get on a flight without Wi-Fi for 5 hours and not anticipating landing with the thought “WTF did POTUS do now?”

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What were the odds?

July 31, 2017

Pete Rose now accused of statutory rape over alleged relationship with 14 yr-old when he was 34. He says he thought she was 16.  #showertime

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Why there is no satire: On the subject of signing Kaepernick Ravens beat writer Jeff Zrebiec reports Baltimore owner talked to Ray Lewis. #WTF?

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Jets rookie Jamal Adams during a CTE discussion.”Literally, if I had a perfect place to die, I would die on the field. And that’s not a lie. So how many concussions has Adams already had?

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Dodgers loading up as World Series favorites. Wonder if they’re planning the same rings as the 2001 Mariners

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LA Clippers forward Danilo Gallinari punched an opponent and injured his thumb in an exhibition game in Italy. The 2017-18 NBA schedule isn’t even out yet and already the Clippers are in midseason form.

 

For 10,000 miles, United Airlines is offering Mileage Plus members a “watch party,” which the chance to watch a road game for the 49ers on the big screen at Levi’s Stadium, complete with complimentary food, beverages and of course, traffic.
So are they asking for 10,000 miles, or giving them?

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“Dear Twitter – is it possible to undelete Tweets?” – Asking for a friend. Sincerely, A. Scaramucci.

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Scaramucci is OUT as White House Communications Director. Wow. So congrats to those brave people who had July 31 in the pool.

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Somewhere in the bushes, #SeanSpicer is giggling uncontrollably.

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#Scaramucci violated number 1 White House rule – you cannot be a crazier narcissistic media whore than the boss.

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“I’m just a rich boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low…. @scaramucci

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Can anyone imagine what it would be like if we DID have WH chaos?

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Well, to be fair, Trump is used to a format where the poorest contributor gets fired every week. #PresidentialApprentice

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“Did nobody tell Trump that today’s #MLBTradeDeadline didn’t apply to White House positions?”

 

Getting sense if @realDonaldTrump said, “Yeah, I colluded w/ Russia AND I orchestrated coverup” many of his supporters would still back him.

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Legislative director Marc Short -White House expects tax reform to move quickly in Congress this fall  – through the House in October and the Senate in November.   Standby for “who knew tax reform was so complicated?

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Politico says Ivanka Trump “desperately wants to lower expectations of what she can achieve.” Mission accomplished.

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Trump to a reporter today “We will handle North Korea. We are gonna be able to handle them. It will be handled. We handle everything.”
He does know “handle” and “grope” are not the same thing?

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Apparently there are now weekly bible study meetings at the White House. Just guessing the Ten Commandments aren’t included.

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So just imagine if you’ve been on 2 week vacation without internet & got back today ready for the latest craziness from Sean Spicer.

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Will being insane enough to take a job in the Trump White House qualify as a pre-existing condition? #Healthcare

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Shouldn’t all positions in Trump White House have “interim” title?

 

A really good blow-dry. #ThingsThatLastedLongerThanTheMooch

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Why is this night different?

April 12, 2017

 

SF Giants win tonight after a rally  started by Matt Cain double. A miracle has occurred. As my son points out, it’s Passover. @SFGiants

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Melvin Upton Jr has signed a AAA contract with the SF Giants. He batted .238 last year with the Padres & Blue Jays. Which right about now would make him the Giants top hitting outfielder not named Hunter Pence.

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Apparently Mark Cuban, who honored Tony Romo before last night’s Mavericks game, wanted to have Romo suit up and maybe even get in the game briefly. But commissioner Adam Silver nixed the idea, and coach Rick Carlisle said he was an “athlete that’s not ready to play in an NBA game.”
Well, heck, that hasn’t stopped the Lakers.

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So many meaningless games at the end of the NBA season.   Differing at least in intensity from the meaningless games during most of the NBA season.

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Some worries now about North Korea having nukes that could reach the West Coast of the U.S. If so, we can only hope Kim Jon-Un fires them towards Dodger Stadium during first inning of a game, so no fans will get hurt. #bustohell

 

Apologizing, finally, United dropped their proposed slogan “Oligarchies mean never having to say you’re sorry.”

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United will refund everyone’s tickets on plane where man was dragged off last Sunday. Will the refunds be less a nominal entertainment fee?

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Trump in a NY Post interview about negative stories in the media “many of those sources are made up and I don’t believe them. Let them reveal their sources.”
Translation, so I can fire them.

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Spicer apologized for Hitler comment, waiting for him also to acknowledge many Jews murdered in Holocaust WERE German, “his own people.”

 

Trump talking about the missile strikes during dinner with China’s President XI. “We had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that ‘The ships are locked and loaded. What do you do?’ And we made the determination to do it, so the missiles are on the way.”
Good to know his priorities are in the right place. Assume the cake was from Trump Grill?

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Lawyers for Summer Zervos, a former “Apprentice” contestant suing Trump for denying that he groped & kissed her on the show, are questioning Donald’s assertion that he is immune from lawsuits as President.
Can someone please interview Paula Jones for her opinion?

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Unboarding group one?

April 12, 2017

On a brighter note for Pepsi they do now stand a good chance of becoming official soft drink of United Airlines.

 

Bad timing award to the #United Airlines billboard near San Francisco International Airport  for POLARIS business class. “O is for out like a light”.

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United employee who kicked the girls off plane for wearing leggings has to be feeling better – “At least I didn’t drag them off.”

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Well, on a brighter note for United, their PR response to “re-accommodating” a passenger will probably reduce their overbooking problem.

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United spokesman Jonathan Guerin today said their infamous flight from O’Hare was not overbooked, but the crew members who were needed in Louisville the next day “were considered ‘must-ride’ passengers.”
Did United forget that almost every single one of their phone agents ends the call by offering “can we book you a Hertz car?”

 

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Buster Posey is on the 7 day concussion disabled list.  Ok. If an Diamondbacks pitcher had to put one of the SF Giants players on DL why couldn’t they have hit an outfielder? #notpence #bustohell

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Russell Westbrook sat out tonight’s Thunder-TWolves game, his first this season. So does this make him too soft for the MVP award?

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Coach Steve Fisher may have never won a championship at San Diego State. But @Spurs fans are very grateful to him & his recruiting.  (Kawhi Leonard, under-rated even in high school)
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Tuesday was #NationalPetDay. And cats are sniffing “Big deal, EVERY day is National Cat Day.”
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Waiting for this tweet – “The Trump shuttle never bumped anyone. But if they had, it would have been biggest best bumping ever.” #United
If Sean Spicer ever gets fired by Trump maybe he can do PR for United Airlines.

Holocaust centers? Hitler did not use gas on his own people? Somewhere Melissa McCarthy is going “I give up.” #SeanSpicer

 

 

Anyone considered that Sean Spicer may not get fired because the way he says things distracts us from what he and Trump actually mean?

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Sean Spicer  on his Hitler remark “It was a mistake to do that.” What, no blaming fake news?

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Syria is a mess. And not saying the missile strike in Syria was the right thing or the wrong thing. But can we imagine the reaction if Hillary had bombed the airfield because mother-of-two Chelsea was upset and pushed her to do it?

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I believe in the church of baseball

February 9, 2017

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

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Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

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The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

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Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

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Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

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When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

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Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

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Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

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So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

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So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

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The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

 

 

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