Posted tagged ‘Orioles jokes’

Punishments and maybe crimes.

August 23, 2019


New England safety Patrick Chung reported has been arrested and will be charged with of cocaine possession, This being the Patriots, let’s see how NFL makes sure any jail time or suspension is scheduled for after 2020 Super Bowl.


Baltimore Orioles pitchers gave up 259th home run of 2019, now breaking single-season record set by 2016 Reds.
With over a month left in season 300 is CLEARLY in sight.
Just imagine if the team played at Great American Ballpark or Coors?

Wait, now Starbucks announced that Pumpkin Spice Latte is returning Aug. 27. Along with Christmas decorations? WTF?

QANTAS plans to start a New York to Sydney flight, but first they will do test flights to study what happens to health of flight crews and passengers when they spend 19 hours on a plane.
Will the tests include being in a middle seat with crying babies on both sides?

Welcome to the USA. Have a client who has been sitting on the ground at SFO on an Air Canada plane for over 90 minutes after landing waiting for a gate…
Are we great yet?

So why did Sarah Huckabee Sanders just now join Fox News? Was she waiting to see if she could beat out Sean Spicer for DWTS?

Sean Spicer heads to “Dancing With The Stars.” Meanwhile Sarah Huckabee Sanders heads to Fox News “Dancing with the Truth.”

Even “Wag the Dog” thought when the President started a fake conflict it had to be over Albania. Guess they thought no one would believe…. GREENLAND?!!

Tom Cotton, defending Trump. “pointed several times to President Harry Truman’s attempts to buy Greenland from Denmark” in 1946.
Uh, President Harry Truman also proposed a universal health care program in 1945. …

So what’s next, Trump picks a fight with England when he decides he wants Queen Elizabeth to sell him his ancestral homeland of Scotland?


Really really miss the days when you could get on a flight without Wi-Fi for 5 hours and not anticipating landing with the thought “WTF did POTUS do now?”


When you gotta go…

February 24, 2017
All this panic over transgenders and bathrooms is completely lost on any woman who ever looked at the line and said “F*ck it, I’m using the men’s room.”

Muhammad Ali Jr. apparently was profiled & detained at Ft. Lauderdale Airport. Clearly his father should have named him Frederick Douglass.

There is no day that can’t be improved by hearing Jon Miller on the radio. #SpringTraining @SFGiants

So while we’re trying to shorten MLB games by a few minutes, what about eliminating “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch EVERY single Sunday . Even God has to be thinking, “Enough already, play ball.”



A Chicago sports anchor was suspended for saying that President Trump is a “cartoon lunatic.” Did he offend cartoons or lunatics?

J.C.Penney is closing 110 stores. Shocking. J.C. Penney still has stores?

Orioles Team VP John Angelos says he doesn’t want Trump to throw out the first pitch unless the President apologizes first
“You don’t say those things about women, you don’t say those things about different ethnic groups, different national origins, people who are disabled, all of that — and if you do say them, you’re a big enough person to withdraw them and apologize,”
Standby for “the Orioles are losers” tweets in 3.2.1….

Now Orioles made it clear Trump isn’t really welcome would someone like to ask Nats manager Dusty Baker what he thinks of the President?

Trump is calling @CNN the “Clinton News Network.” I thought it was just losers who weren’t supposed to be able to get over an election.

If Trump banning news outlets from press conferences can #AlecBaldwin do alternative press conferences as replacements?

Trump says the media “are the enemy of the people because they have no sources. They just make them up when there are none.”
Right, then he excludes them from the press briefing so they HAVE no direct source.

Trump – “I love the First Amendment. Nobody loves it better than me.” Is he trying to prove you always hurt the one you love?

Can’t wait to see @SNL skits on Trump press gaggle. What, no new show again this week? Can we start an emergency petition?

Trump whining at #CPAC that “Paris is no longer Paris.” France and rest of Europe – “The USA is no longer the USA.”


So much worry over bathrooms.  Becky Hammon has been in Spurs locker room since 2014; it doesn’t appear to have gone too badly.

Good to see GOP legislators focusing on what’s really important: (UPI) — An Arkansas state senator introduced a bill calling for the renaming of Little Rock’s Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport.


Rounding third

September 22, 2016

Phillies came from behind and took two-run leads into the bottom of the 9th and the bottom of the 11th against the Mets.  They blew both leads and lost 9-8.    So were the Phils trying  to get the Philadelphia fans in an early booing holiday spirit by the relievers playing Santa Claus?


Talking about the #SFGiants needing to find their mojo. Anyway just for a few weeks to lure former third base coach @TimFlannery2 out of retirement?

The Panthers and VIkings plan still to play this weekend in Charlotte, despite the protests. Panthers LB Thomas Davis: “I look at football as a way to bring people together…I hope people know that violence is not the answer.” Well, off-field violence anyway.


Hear that the Baltimore Orioles are unhappy with average attendance of 19,422 fans in two games against the Boston Red Sox. And the Tampa Bay Rays are thinking “what, did those crowds overwhelm the concessions?”

San Francisco streets were shut for hours this morning over a “suspicious” object that turned out to be an abandoned empty rice cooker. #fearitselfiswinning

Open note to Americans thinking of dropping off their old crockpots, rice or pressure cookers at Goodwill, maybe now is not the best time.

And while we debate ways to keep America safer, a 24 year-old U of Iowa student, Megan Sloss, was fatally shot this weekend. By her older brother, who police say was showing her how to clean a gun when it accidentally discharged. #ifonlyshewasarmed


#MarissaMayer knew for some time about a about a 2 yr-old data breach affecting 500 million #Yahoo users.  And she’s probably be terminated soon and get a $44 million severance package . What’s next, running for office on her record of corporate experience?


Wonder how many #Yahoo users today are changing their passwords to “YahooSucks?”

In his first speech to the UN this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau talked about politicians exploiting anxiety. but in Canadia, “by appealing to people’s better angels, by drawing people together rather than stoking fears and anxieties, we were actually able to create a government that is focused on strengthening the middle class, to allay those fears and anxieties and demonstrate a positive engagement with the world.”
Waiting for Trump to demand a wall on our Northern border, and saying Canada will pay for it.


More Justin Trudeau “The point that is so important to emphasize is that what we found in Canada was that people are better than divisive politicians think they are.”
Your move, America.

Remember when Monday Night Football was a big deal? Now we have Thursday night, along with the weekend. Who’s going to be first with Tuesday or Wednesday Night Football?

Donald Rumsfeld, 84, says of George H.W. Bush, 92, backing Clinton “He’s up in years.” So what is any serious former defense secretary’s excuse for backing Trump?

Kathy Miller, one of Donald Trump’s Ohio campaign chairs, in an interview with the Guardian, “If you’re black and you haven’t been successful in the last 50 years, it’s your own fault. You’ve had every opportunity, it was given to you…I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected.”


Regarding Hillary Clinton on “Between Two Ferns,” I thought she did a good job. Hillary was never going to be the cool mom down drinking with your friends in the basement. But she was going to be the mom who cleaned up the mess and made sure no one ended up in the hospital or arrested.

Swan song for the Orioles.

October 15, 2014

KC Royals pitcher Jeremy Guthrie apologized for wearing a T-shirt  saying “These O’s aint’ Royal” — a pun on a Chris Brown song. Yeah, really unfair this week to compare Baltimore to Chris Brown, the O’s weren’t hitting anything.


Congrats to Kansas City.  Now FOX has a whole week to convince potential viewers that Royals really are America’s Team


The Royals scored their two runs to win today in the first inning without a hit out of the infield. Who do they think they are, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬?

SF Giants have scored 22 runs in their last 6 post season games.  Of those, 10 runs were scored by way of a hit.  #smokeandmirrors

So wonder what Andrew Friedman’s first act running the Dodgers will be. Other than trying just to buy the Royals


-On “The Jim Rome Show,” Bo Jackson said Jameis Winston is ignoring his advice. “I have communicated with him, and I just talked to him like I was his dad.” Yeah, and Winston is probably listening to Jackson about as much as many cocky 20 year olds listen to their dads

Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher said they are confident Jameis Winston wasn’t paid for autographing memorabilia. And F$U has million$ of rea$on$ to believe that.



Actual items in a grocery ad today. Pumpkin Spice Salsa, Pumpkin Pasta Sauce, Pumpkin BBQ Sauce and, no joke, Organic Pumpkin Pet Food…. Anyone but me counting the days until Halloween and this pumpkin craziness is over?

Dallas Cowboys coach Jason Garrett said RB Joseph Randle will be fined significantly for his shoplifting arrest. Wonder if the exact amount of the fine will depend on whether or not Garrett shoplifted NFL approved merchandise.


Ebola is not contagious through the air. But after a second nurse with the virus was found to have flown on Frontier Airlines from Cleveland to Dallas, Frontier issued a statement saying “the aircraft received a thorough cleaning per our normal procedures.” “Normal procedures.” Yeah, that’s what Americans are afraid of…..

Wonder how many Americans are getting so stressed out about ‪#‎Ebola‬ that they are taking up smoking?


Meanwhile,  many in the GOP are calling for President Obama to appoint an Ebola “czar.”  So they can then turn around and say how bad a job that czar is doing.



Da (Bad News) Bears?

September 13, 2012

Wow. Jay Cutler’s performance tonight was enough to get Bears fans on their feet screaming for Rex Grossman.

Not to say Chicago looked bad tonight, but Cubs fans sent sympathy notes.

For the first time ever, visitors to Disney World’s Magic Kingdom will be able to have a beer or glass of wine with dinner at the new “Be Our Guest” restaurant opening in November. For a lot of tired parents, this really will make it Fantasyland.

With today’s win, #81, the Orioles have guaranteed they will finish no lower than .500 for first time since 1997. The New York Yankees send their congratulations and suggest to keep the team healthy that Baltimore just shut everyone down for the rest of the season.

The Wall Street Journal said that the new Nike Lebron Signature she would retail for $315. But they were wrong, it will only be $270. Well, heck, guess that means Nike thinks the average American can buy two pairs?

Orioles beat Rays 3-2 in 14 innings. The game lasted almost 5 1/2 hours. Wow! That’s almost as long as an average Yankees-Red Sox game.

Moving the Houston Astros to the AL was supposed to result in more reasonable travel schedules. So let’s see, the SF Giants’ longest 2013 roadtrips? LA-Colorado-Cincinnati, and LA-NY Mets and NY Yankees? Anyone in MLB offices look at a map?

San Francisco Intl Airport (SFO) will close a main runway between 1000p Friday and 800a Monday for three weekends in September. Which will cause at least half the flights to be delayed, and the other half to be blamed on the closure. headline: “Reigning MLS MVP likely to miss rest of season.” “Bummer”, said most U.S. sports fans “Who is he, anyway?”

You cannot make this “stuff” up: Apparently potential Romney V.P. candidates had to give Mitt’s campaign 10 years of tax returns.

The N.Y. Board of Health voted today to ban large sugary sodas in the city. Many read the news on the electronic ticker tape over the Times Square Hershey’s store.

Dueling fundraising drives: Obama campaign offers donors a chance to spend an evening with Beyonce and Jay Z. Romney campaign counters with a chance to join “Mitt on board the campaign plane for an exciting day on the campaign trail — at 30,000 feet!

Apparently a seagull swooped down and stole a camera right out of the hands of a tourist on a San Francisco beach. Hmm, wonder if the bird can be trained to go for cellphones in outdoor restaurants?

A new report from the Global Commission on Elections, Democracy and Security, headed by Kofi Annan, says that US campaign rules, with “uncontrolled, undisclosed, illegal and opague” finance, have shaken public confidence in politics. How long until our elections get UN observers?