Posted tagged ‘Fiorina jokes’

Numbers game.

December 14, 2016

Gregg Popovich has 1,109 career wins in the regular season. 1,001 of them were with Tim Duncan.

 

Despite announcing the wrong winner last year, Steve Harvey has been invited back to host the next Miss Universe pageant. Forgiveness? Or FOX figuring that viewers hoping for another flub will give them all-time high ratings?

Jim Brown is a legend but wonder why Donald Trump met with Ray Lewis. Hope it wasn’t for advice on how to get away with murder?

Lions CB Darius Slay, on the Pro Bowl being in Orlando instead of Hawaii “It’s really pointless.” Uh, has the Pro Bowl ever been anything but?

(Idea, what if being picked as a Pro Bowler just gets you two free tickets to Hawaii. Save the wear and tear and potential injuries Of course this would disappoint at least a dozen fans.).

WR Michael Floyd was arrested for DUI and failure to obey a police officer after he was found allegedly passed out in his running car early Monday morning on a Scottsdale street. Today the Cardinals released him. When will they ever learn – if you want to stay on a team and get arrested, you’d better be a superstar.

Lane Kiffin already has his first controversy as coach of FAU, by signing East Mississippi Community College QB De’Andre Johnson. Johnson was a top prospect who was dismissed from Florida State he was seen on video in a bar punching a woman.
So congratulations to all those who had December 14 in the pool

 

At San Francisco Intl Airport (SFO), a traffic management program is in effect, causing some arriving flights to be delayed an average of over 2 hours. Or as frequent fliers in and out of SFO call it “Wednesday.”

Reports are that at least 300 employees of Google and Twitter and other tech companies have signed a pledge to refuse to help Trump build a Muslim registry. Of course there’s another way out of this, have Yahoo or AOL volunteer to build the registry; then it just won’t work.

Conagra Brands, the company that makes Reddi-wip, said they may have a shortage this Christmas due to a fatal explosion at a Florida nitrous oxide plant this summer. The horror. This could mean not only no aerosol whipped cream this holiday, but no dregs of nitrous oxide in the can to help survive your relatives.

Good to see #Trump taking time between insults, celebrity pics & thank yous to tweet about tragedy that is #Aleppo. Oh, wait, never mind.

Trump is considering Carly Fiorina as Director of National Intelligence. Because after the report of Russian hacking Donald might want Carly to do to Intelligence employees what she did to those at HP?

Carly Fiorina in the debate after Donald Trump insulted her face. “I think women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said.” Yeah, and it sounds like in the end Carly herself paid about as much attention to what he said as many women.

After meeting with Trump, #Kanye tweeted today #2024. Isn’t it a little premature to think of taking on President #CoryBooker?

BP announced it is moving headquarters from Houston to Denver. This following Exxon-Mobil moving its headquarters to the White House?

 

 

from Marc Ragovin “The NY Yankees have signed Reuben Tejeda to a minor league contract. He reportedly is head over heels with the move.”

Slip sliding away.

February 10, 2016

 

The SF Giants this year will unveil a statue of Gaylord Perry. It will be the first statue ever where any pigeons who try to land will end up sliding off.

 

Former 49ers WR Josh Morgan, currently a free agent, reportedly sustained “non-life threatening injuries” when he accidentally shot himself last month. He has been charged with misdemeanor reckless use of a firearm. Is Morgan trying to prove he still belongs in the NFL?

“I’m a pretty good winner. I’m a terrible loser. And I rub it in pretty good when I win. But as soon as I lose… I don’t know. It’s like I wish I had a punching bag nearby sometimes.”

More Cam Newton. Nope, Tom Brady on 60 minutes in 2005.

The story is out that Johnny Manziel showed up either really drunk or hungover at a team meeting and Cleveland covered it up by saying their QB had a concussion. Looking like the Browns aren’t just in need of football coaching, they need an Al-Anon meeting. ‪#‎enablers‬

The California Coastal Commission is trying to require that the Mavericks surfing competition invite women. The question, can they find qualified women with a death wish?

Burger King is going to start selling hot dogs later this month. For all those who thought their menu was just too healthy.

The CDC has just confirmed a link between the Zika virus and microcephaly in Brazilian babies who died. Which could be bad news for tropical vacation destinations. Though maybe it won’t deter Republicans who don’t believe in science anyway.

Apparently Amazon wrote a zombie apocalypse clause into its open-source software terms of service. Did someone there presage Trump’s New Hampshire victory?

#‎ChrisChristie‬ is heading home. And many in New Jersey are thinking “Isn’t there any way we can close a bridge into the state or something?

Meanwhile the other GOP candidates in the race, except Marco Rubio, are thinking “Isn’t there a way they can get Christie into one last debate?”

And this weekend temperatures in NJ are expected to fall to near zero. Maybe Christie shouldn’t have said “Hell will freeze over before I quit this campaign.”

#‎CarlyFiorina‬ has officially dropped out of the Presidential race. So is she officially now her own last HP layoff?

Ben Carson says he will not drop out of the GOP Presidential primary race. Apparently he doesn’t want to disappoint both his supporters.

All day long, Facebook  has been giving me this message “Add your phone number to help secure your account and more.” Yeah, it’s that “and more” I’m worried about. ‪#‎nothanks‬

 

 

Kansas senator Roy Blunt got three student deferments during the Vietnam war. Which is fine, except he’s been saying he got lucky with a number “in the low 300s, and was never called.” His staff said that “poor memories” may have contributed to the “confusion.”
Where’s the outrage from other Senate hawks? Oh, I forgot, IOKIYR

 

Some are calling already for an NTSB investigation into why Royal Caribbean sailed their “Anthem of the Seas” into a massive storm. Guessing most travelers are happy about the idea – or at least they will be until their cruise line cancels THEIR future trip based on possible weather.

Wonder if the Anthem of the Seas captain will claim someone pushed him into the storm?

After the NY Daily News cover showed Donald Trump as a clown and called his supporters “Brain dead zombies,” the Donald today called them a “totally failing paper” that is “going to be closing soon, I’m pretty sure.,” and attacked the Daily News on Twitter. Well, if nothing else, this controversy should sell a LOT of papers.

 

 

Going, going, gone?

February 4, 2016

Archie Manning says he has talked to Peyton and he is not sure if his son will retire or not after the Super Bowl. “The first time is the hardest,” responded Brett Favre.

 

Reports are now that Johnny Manziel struck his ex-girlfriend “several times” at a Dallas hotel last weekend. So Manziel clearly still has dreams of being signed by the Cowboys?

The Raiders are apparently going to play an NFL game in Mexico in 2016. At the thought of the “Black Hole” coming to watch, Mexico immediately began taking bids on wall construction.

Martin Shkreli apparently decided to stop answering questions and just smile and smirk today as he testified in front of a Congressional committee about price gouging with a life-saving drug. Got to figure members of Congress actually enjoyed having him there – Shikreli is one of the few people who make them look good by comparison.

 

McDonald’s is now giving away books in their Happy Meals. And millions of American children looked up from their phones and said “What are books?”

Whatever happens in the 2016 election today’s Warriors’ White House visit marks the end of an era – a President who actually knows what he’s talking about with basketball.

Maurice White, founder of Earth, Wind and Fire, has died at the age of 74. Maybe April is the cruelest month, but January and February 2016 have not been kind to aging rockers.

The Des Moines Register is calling for a complete audit of the Iowa Democratic Caucuses as Hillary’s win was so close. Forget those coin tosses, the Clinton campaign clearly should have spread the rumor Sanders was going home.

 

Megyn Kelly will be anchoring the next Fox News GOP debate on March 3. You know it’s a strange election season when Fox has the high road.

 

 

Despite several GOP requests to include her, Carly Fiorina will be left out of the next debate. I can understand why the other candidates might want her on stage – Carly makes the rest of them seem nicer by compariso

Now a desperate Jeb Bush is pulling out all the stops, with a campaign ad featuring…. his brother George W? Proving once again that Jeb has no business running for President.

 

#‎DemDebate‬ Hillary Clinton wants to streamline programs that are “duplicative and redundant.” Well, of course she does does.

Meanwhile,  Jimmy Carter, at 91, our best and perhaps still sharpest ex-President. When asked in England if he had to pick”Trump or Cruz. – “I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you,The reason is, Trump has proven already he’s completely malleable.I don’t think he has any fixed (positions) he’d go the White House and fight for. On the other hand, Ted Cruz is not malleable. He has far right-wing policies he’d pursue if he became president.”

Messing with Texas.

January 26, 2016

Against Golden State tonight, San Antonio turned the ball over so often you have to wonder if Carlson Palmer was involved.

Apparently Johnny Manziel spent Sunday afternoon watching the Patriots and Broncos while drinking and partying at a Dallas bar. Well, makes sense. Guessing this will be one more in a long line of NFL playoff games that Manziel will be watching at a bar.

 

Lebron James, talking about Tyronn Lue’s “vision” of implementing an up-coming offense. “I don’t know. We don’t know. This is what Coach wants to do… this isn’t a LeBron thing.” Translation, if it doesn’t work, Lue’s tenure could be nasty, brutal and short.

Tom Brady, after yesterday’s loss, says he has “no excuses.” No worries, no doubt Giselle has plenty of them.

Khloe Kardashian said of Lamar Odom that, “he’s doing great, but his memory’s not so good.” Maybe he’s doing great because he forgot he was married to a Kardashian?

Donald Rumsfeld said that George H.W. Bush’s criticisms of him are not “very helpful” to Jeb’s run for the presidency. With all due respect, the person who is the least helpful to Jeb’s run for the presidency is Jeb.

In Orlando, two former tech employees have filed a lawsuit, claiming Disney colluded with consulting companies in using H-1B visas to hire people from India to replace them. Not sure what will happen, but between legal fees and a possible settlement, sounds like ticket prices are going up.

#‎RickPerry‬ has endorsed ‪#‎TedCruz‬. Wonder how many reasons the Texas Governor gave for the endorsement?

Glenn Beck today called Donald Trump a “very dangerous man” after Trump’s remarks about shooting someone last week. Just how insane do you have to be for Beck to call you dangerous? ‪#‎guessweknowtheanswertothatquestion‬

A Texas grand jury looking into allegations against Planned Parenthood has issued indictments  – against the anti-abortion activists who made the videos.  Waiting for some GOP candidate to say, “Well, of course that’s what happens in a commie-pinko blue state…. Oops, never mind.

So now that the Texas grand jury has cleared Planned Parenthood but indicted the people who made those misleading videos can we name Carly Fiorina as an unindicted co-conspirator?

 

Donald Trump says he could shoot someone dead on Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes.  And somewhere Charlie Crist is thinking “But just try putting your arm around President Obama.”

Chris Christie, in response to a questioner who asked him why he was in New Hampshire campaigning instead of back in New Jersey dealing with storm damage and flooding “What do you want me to do, bring a mop?”
If he does get the nomination, Christie could do the near impossible – make Hillary Clinton look warm and fuzzy.

This bus-to-hell moment brought to you by Alex Kaseberg  “Alaska was hit with a 7.2 earthquake. It was so bad it knocked Bristol Palin off the dude she just met.”

I wanna be sedated/debated…..

November 11, 2015

So I’m confused, after this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ how many of the remaining contestants get roses?

Four years ago, Rick Perry couldn’t remember the third Cabinet level department he wanted to eliminate. Tonight Ted Cruz said he wanted to eliminate five, and said the Dept of Commerce twice, while leaving out the Dept of Education. Makes some sense on education, Cruz certainly doesn’t seem to have benefited from it.

Ted Cruz keeps telling voters to go to TedCruz.org. Because the man who wants us to trust him to lead the free world wasn’t smart enough to grab the TedCruz.com domain. ‪#‎Googleit‬ ‪#‎notreadyforprimetime‬

So what does ‪#‎TedCruz‬ have against philosophers? Did he used to date one or something? ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

In his first answer, Marco Rubio said to fix economy we need to repeal Obamacare. So congrats to all those who had “5 min. into the GOP debate in the pool.

Trump. “We are a country of laws”and we have to depart 11 million people. Then for example fruit will obey the laws and pick itself

All these GOP candidates blame Obama & regulatory reform for U.S. economic woes. So why wasn’t the economy booming under Bush? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬
 So let me get this straight, contestants in ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ all say regulations are big problem for US economy, but they want to regulate banks.

#‎CarlyFiorina‬ keeps talking about how many of these world leaders she knows. Is this a ‪#‎GOPdebate‬ or a competition for Facebook friends?

Carly Fiorina also dissing government and talking about “people who don’t do their jobs very well.” Well she should know ‪#‎HP‬ ‪#‎yourefired‬

Ted Cruz is so out of touch he thinks wages in journalism can go any lower. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Ben Carson says he has a problem with “being lied about.” And apparently with not ending sentences with propositions.-

Congrats to ‪#‎SFGiants‬ Brandon Crawford for winning his 1st Gold Glove, and to Yadier Molina for winning his 8th. Think they just might want to make it automatic for the Cardinals’ catcher until he retires.

Target is being accused now of trivializing mental illness because they are selling a OCD (‘Obsessive Christmas Disorder’) holiday sweater. Beginning to think the real epidemic in this country is OPCD (“Obsessive Politically Correct Disorder.”)

Facebook wants us to give them our phone numbers to “help secure your account and more.” Yeah, it’s the “and more,” that worries me.

Oakland LB Ray-Ray Armstrong is being investigated in PA for allegedly taunting a police dog at Heinz Field – pounding on his chest and barking at the animal before the Raiders-Steelers game.
Uh, not sure about charges being filed but if Armstrong thinks it’s a good idea to taunt and anger a K-9, guessing the problem is going to work itself. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎Darwinwannabe‬

Non-profit investigative journalism site ProPublica has released a list of members of Congress who have missed a tenth or more of eligible floor votes since 2007. Hmm, maybe it’s time to start drug-testing our representatives.

Ohio State QB J.T. Barrett today did plead guilty to DUI. He will pay a $400 fine and have his license suspended for six months. With all due respect, since Barrett has NFL aspirations, maybe he should learn to live without driving these days, period.

Urban Meyer has reinstated J.T. Barrett as OSU’s starting QB for this weekend’s game against Illinois, after a one-game suspension for DUI. “It’s never easy. I think it’s the right thing at this time.” Translation, the Fighting Illini might be a tougher competitor than most people think.

Campbell’s says they are changing their chicken soup recipe to have fewer ingredients. Will one of them still be chicken?

Pastor Kevin Swanson, upset with Dumbledore being homosexual, says that rather than have kids read the Harry Potter books, for “tens of millions of parents it would be better that a millstone be hung around their (children’s) neck and they be drowned at the bottom of the sea.”
And Swanson said this at the National Religious Liberties Conference. ‪#‎oxymoron‬ ‪#‎jesuswept‬

An alligator was seen eating a python on a Florida golf course. If only the python had been armed.

Swimming time?

September 29, 2015

The Dodgers complained that when they clinched in Arizona the Diamondbacks got upset when players jumped in the pool to celebrate. But the Giants are classier than that. Heard SF told LA if they clinched at AT&T Park, the entire Dodgers team was invited to jump into McCovey Cove.

Well, to be fair, this has been largely a AAA lineup lately for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. And tonight looked like regressing to the mean.

Think what angered ‪#‎Madbum‬ most, those last two home runs given up meant he didn’t get another AB against ‪#‎Kershaw‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Last week, Donald Trump said he was boycotting Fox News. Tonight, he’s appearing on the O’Reilly Factor. Guess even the Donald knows there’s no such thing as bad (free) publicity.

A body was found wrapped in a plastic sheet on an Oakland street today. People say they have not determined a cause of death. Pretty sure we can rule out suicide. ‪#‎bustohell‬

Four MLB games tonight delayed or postponed due to rain. Well, cheer up baseball fans, due to the late start of the season to humor ESPN, maybe for this year’s World Series we could have games delayed by snow.

WTF? Jeb Bush says his tax plan will save middle-class Americans $2,000 a year, and “if a family were to invest the $2,000 they would save annually over a 20-year period and at compounded interest rate of 8%, they would accumulate a nest egg of $108,000 to help better prepare them for a comfortable retirement.”

8% compounded interest rate? Maybe Jeb hasn’t actually stopped smoking marijuana. ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone‬

More Jeb Bush, writing in USA today on his proposed $2,000 tax cut for the middle class: “Two thousand dollars is four mortgage payments for the median American household.” ‪#‎Yeshesaidit‬

QB Michael Vick, on starting Thursday in place of injured Ben Rothlisberger “This is a great opportunity for me because I don’t know if I’m going to have this opportunity ever again. ” Well, at least Vick didn’t say he felt like he was on a short leash.

Twitter is apparently working on a way for users to compose Tweets of longer than 140 characters. Joe Biden reportedly has just activated his account.

Carly Fiorina is already attacking the “liberal media” for accusing her of lying about Planned Parenthood and talking about an image that did not exist – “They’re trying to have a conversation about a TECHNICALITY (caps mine) about a video tape.”
Sarah Palin must be so proud. (Although she’s thinking, Carly, it’s “lamestream media.” )

A data scientist says he has found proof that Ashley Madison created 40,000 fake women’s profiles to get users into joining and paying for its website. And thousands of guys are now trying to convince their wives they faked men’s profiles too.

SMU’s men’s basketball team has been declared ineligible for the 2016 postseason and coach Larry Brown has been suspended 9 games for “multiple violations.” What’s Brown trying to prove at this point, that he can compete with John Calipari? .

Utah Rep Jason Chaffetz today went after Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards about her $500,000 salary. Funny, never heard him complain about the $174,000 salary plus travel and other expenses that members of Congress get, or that $21 million (plus $19 million in stock) golden parachute Carly Fiorina got from HP.

When all else fails, RTDT – read the damn thing.

September 22, 2015

Mike Huckabee’s latest complaint – “there are people who vote and they have no idea what our Constitution says.”
With all due respect, Mr. Huckabee, there are people who run for office and they have no idea what our Constitution says.” ‪#‎nottheOnion‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Got to love it, ESPN figures the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ have 0.1% probability of making the post season this year. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”

The #NYJets are 2-0. If their hot start continues with Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB do they vote former Jet IK Enemkpali a playoff share? (for those who might have forgotten, or who didn’t care, Enemkpali, now with the Bills, is the guy who broke his then quarterback/ teammate, Geno Smith’s jaw with a punch.)
An Auburn football fan called into an Alabama sports talk show and said she won’t let her husband into the bedroom until the Tigers win.. Men whose wives and girlfriends root for the Philadelphia Eagles hope those women don’t see this.

The NY Post is reporting on a woman who not only fasts on Yom Kippur, she also makes her two dogs fast too. It works out fine, except that every year they need to buy another cat.

Some say Marco Rubio might benefit from Scott Walker’s exiting the 2016 Presidential race. Is that because for those paying only casual attention the two look sort of alike?

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli, who said he was raising the price for AIDS drug Daraprim from $13.50 a pill to $750, now says public backlash will mean he will lower the price. What, to $749?

The Lammily line of dolls now offers a ‘Period Party’ Accessory Pac,” which includes pads, underwear and a period calendar.. The idea is to help girls understand that menstruation is a normal part of of growing up.
Can only imagine what a similar line of dolls for boys might include.

The CEO of Japanese company Rakuten has changed his executive offsite retreat to climbing Mount Tanigawa every year, a Japanese mountain that has claimed over 800 lives since it was first explored in the 1930s, about 600 more than Everest.
Well, that’s one way to avoid soaring pension costs.

Carly Fiorina, facing many accusations of completely making up her worst allegations about the Planned Parenthood video, said she was told “that the tapes don’t exist, that the images aren’t real. Well yes, ladies and gentlemen, they are real and I will issue my charge again.”
You would think that someone who bases a large part of her campaign on the purported dishonesty of Hillary Clinton would consider doing the simple thing – and just release these “real” tapes.

Kim Davis says she is ready to return to jail over her beliefs. Forget jail, when is the next Rowan County election? So we can replace Davis with someone who actually wants to do her job. ‪#‎your15minutesareup‬

Liberal rant time. Some in the GOP are accusing those of us who don’t want the country run by biblical rules of being anti-religion. Nope, it’s actually quite simple: Doesn’t matter what religion you are, just don’t foist your beliefs on the entire country.

Unreality TV

September 16, 2015
Tonight was the second GOP debate. Otherwise known as “Dancing with the Questions.”
 –
Joe Biden says that Donald Trump has a “sick” message, and is “appealing to the baser side of human nature, working on this notion of xenophobia in a way that hasn’t occurred in a long time.”
Wonder how many Trump supporters are thinking “What’s xenophobia? Trump’s just against all these damn foreigners.”

Lots of candidate talk about Ronald Reagan. Not much talk about Reagan’s tax hikes, increased budget deficit, and signing an immigration act in 1986 that which granted amnesty to almost 3 million undocumented immigrants. Am sure it’s just coincidence. ‪#‎GOPdebate

All these candidates who want to defund ‪#‎PlannedParenthood‬ and talk about family planning alternatives. Would one of them like to name one such alternative. And their plan to fund welfare for children born from unplanned pregnancies?
All this discussion of “judicial tyranny” with the Supreme Court on the subject of gay marriage. Where were all these clowns when the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush President?
Donald Trump on tonight’s debate: ‘I think I could tone it down a little”: Right, he could, but he didn’t..

Donald Trump during the debate – I was for a flat tax before I was against it. I was for the rich paying more before I was against it. This is so confusing.

Carly Fiorina goes back to the marijuana gateway drug line. Cue ‪#‎DemonSheep‬.  Cue ‪#‎ReeferMadness  ‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Jeb Bush – ‬ “My brother kept us safe.” Well, except for that little 9/11 thing. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Lindsey Graham says it doesn’t make sense to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, but they should learn to speak English. Well sure, but so should millions of people born in the U.S.

I’d take these GOP candidates calling for war with Iran more seriously if they’d call for a draft to get people to fight it, and a way to pay for it.

The NFL has granted permission for New England clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally, who were suspended over Deflategate, to return, and the Patriots will reinstate them.
So yeah, guess those footballs were so in awe of Brady’s brilliance that they just deflated themselves.

More debate.  A real question “If you’re elected President, how would the world look different after you lead office?”  Waiting for the honest answer from someone: “Well, Hell would host an awesome Winter Olympics.” ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

Rutgers football coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for allegedly emailing a lecturer inquiring about a grade for one of his potentially failing players. What Flood is really being suspended and fined for? A). being too stupid to have one of his staff do the the dirty work, and B) putting it in an email..

A post-debate thought. Talking about the general election Chris Christie said he would prosecute “Mrs. Clinton in those debates.” That is, if Christie is not defending himself in a courtroom over the backroom deals that led to the resignation of the CEO of United Airlines.

#‎Peavy‬ gets his first home run of the year. 9th for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitchers in 2015. One behind Pablo Sandoval. ‪#‎byebyebaby‬

#‎ChrisHeston‬ and ‪#‎MattCain‬ do not have home runs for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ this year yet. Time to get them some ABs.

Amazing story about the Muslim student who was accused of building a bomb when he had only built a clock. Have to wonder these days how many students can even read a clock?

In a few cities, 7-11 is offering delivery service of a “Date Night Pack”, which includes ice cream, candy, Red Bull and condoms. Thinking if your idea of a Date Night is 7-11, you’re not likely to need the pack.

Actor Stephen Rannazzisi, who said he escaped from the World Trade Center on 9-11 and then quit his desk job to become a comedian, now says he made the story up. Stand by for his interview with Brian Williams.

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are on a mission to singlehandedly destroy the DH. Now Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher ever to reach base against Aroldis Chapman. But the Reds’ closer had gotten to an 0-2 count vs. 57 hitters this year. He struck out 41 of them, and none of them walked. Until Madbum.

Shut up and eat your soup?

September 16, 2015

Marshawn Lynch’s mom has posted on Facebook that she thinks the Seahawks offensive coordination is “the worst play caller ever, ” and should be fired. Maybe beginning to see why Lynch keeps his mouth shut.

In a game where the entire #SFGiants bullpen seemed to be trying to outdo each other with a sucking contest, the Giants did come back, twice, from being 3 runs down.  #Rallyskeeter.  Almost a win. But they can’t say “We’re going to need a bigger cat.”

rallyskeeter

So a PAC supporting Jeb Bush has released a video touting Bush’s optimism about America, which features a sun rising in a field, with the message  “choose a brighter path.”  Nice. Except the field is in Cornwall, England.  The video is titled  “Bright.” #andjebissupposedtobethebrightone.

The FDA has banned sales of four cigarette brands from R.J. Reynolds for not meeting safety review requirements. Shocking. Cigarettes HAVE safety requirements?:

North Korea is now threatening the US with nuclear attack, saying they are ready to use weapons “at any time.” So assume there’s a Playstation involved?

A just released video from last night video shows three SF 49ers fans beating a Minnesota Vikings fan outside Levi’s. So much for those who thought the Candlestick crowd wouldn’t make it down to the new stadium.

Carly Fiorina cut 30,000 jobs when she was at HP. Current CEO Meg Whitman has cut 55,000 and now may cut another 30,000 more. Is Meg trying to make her fellow Republican look good by comparison?

The University of Texas has fired their athletic director. The real reason can be explained in four words: the football team sucks.

Gary Busey has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Thinking the Donald probably already had 98% of the people who are crazy enough to care about Busey’s endorsement.

Marco Rubio started at Tarkio College in Missouri on a football scholarship, then went to Santa Fe Community College, then finally ended up at the University of Florida for his bachelor’s degree. Yesterday he said in Iowa, “Look, I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people who can’t get into Florida can go to college.”

Is Rubio trying to prove he’s enough of an overgrown frat boy to be Trump’s running mate?

Bobby Jindal’s latest – ” Donald Trump is a madman who must be stopped,” Almost makes you wish Jindal was at the grown ups table for the prime-time debate tomorrow, just to see him and the Donald face off.,

A new Korean study found that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap at killing germs, as the active ingredient only makes a difference after 9 hours.
Let’s hope OCD folks don’t see this and make 9 hours a goal.

Guess he didn’t get a rose?

September 11, 2015

Texas Governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the 2016 Presidential Race. Thereby shocking millions of Americans who didn’t realize he was still in it.

Steelers coach Mike Tomlin was upset about only being able to hear the Patriots radio broadcast over the team’s headsets. The NFL said New England was not to blame. Lather, rinse, repeat. ‪#‎thePatriotscandonowrong‬

Pittsburgh thought about filing a formal complaint then backed down.  Perhaps because they figured it would just get a couple New England clubhouse attendants fired, or perhaps because they figured the NFL would just fine them for annoying the Patriots.

A Virginia woman was arrested for having sex with her unconscious boyfriend in a parking lot in broad daylight. She claims it was a combination of alcohol and being “in the mood.” And considering he was unconscious, maybe some seriously good Viagra?

U.C. Berkeley, in their estimated costs to students, says the cost for rent off-campus is $7184 for the academic year. Of course what they don’t say is that the figure means living about 100 miles off campus.

MLB suspended Joey Votto, 32, two games for his major tantrum Wednesday when the Reds first baseman was denied a time out. He’s appealing the suspension. But. hey, a tantrum?  Maybe Votto should just think of it as a time out.

Now Gregor ‪#‎Blanco‬ has been diagnosed with a concussion. The 2015 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ at this point don’t need a trainer, they need a witch doctor.

Meanwhile,Jake ‪#‎Peavy‬ and the Sacramento ‪#‎RiverCats‬ had a really good night against the ‪#‎Padres‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

The Phillies have dismissed GM Ruben Amaro Jr.: Five words: What took them so long?

Donald Trump now says his insults, this time directed at Carly Fiorina, were made “as an entertainer, because I did the ‘Apprentice.'” So maybe Trump thinks this whole campaign is his new show – “Political Apprentice”?

Regarding all this controversy on Trump’s purported jab at Carly Fiorina’s looks, guess Carly and her supporters have forgotten her off-mike comment in 2010 about her rival Barbara Boxer – “God what is that hair?’ So yesterday!’

So amongst the various over-under bets on opening week of the ‪#‎NFL‬ season can you make an over-under on player arrests? ‪#‎NFLKickoff‬

So Aldon Smith, one of the the best pass rushers in the NFL, who’s been arrested 5 times in 3 years, was signed today by the Oakland Raiders. Is anyone surprised?

If Ray Rice hadn’t lost a few steps as an RB he’d surely have offers. Heck, of O.J. Simpson were still a Pro-Bowler HE’D have offers.

Serious bus to hell time, but hey, if we stop laughing the bad guys win.    And this one could alas be true::

On this awful anniversary of September 11, have to wonder how many more deaths there would have been had it happened now…. as hundreds of people running away from the collapsing towers would have stopped to take selfies.

Reservations?

August 9, 2015

After the Pittsburgh Pirates scored 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Dodgers bullpen, beginning to look like biggest competition between SF and LA in October might be over best airline/hotel rates for a vacation in Hawaii.

Seventeen GOP candidates running for President. And after last Thursday’s debates a lot of Americans are thinking “can’t we have a few more choices?”

Carly Fiorina talking about being a supporter of women’s rights makes as much sense as Bristol Palin being an abstinence spokeswoman.

And Carly Fiorina said today she opposes mandatory paid maternity leave. Proving again that the only women’s rights Fiorina really supports are her own.

Thinking if Donald Trump really wants to attract independent voters, he’d lay off Megyn Kelly and start going after Ann Coulter.

New NBC GOP Presidential primary poll: Trump – 23%, Carson – 11%, Fiorina and Rubio 8% each. I’ll take “Four people who will never be President for $800, Alex.”

#‎WrigleyField‬ was just evacuated after a bomb threat. Fortunately the threat turned out to be as nonexistent as today’s ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense.

At Yankee Stadium, a fan threw a home run ball from Toronto’s Jose Bautista back onto the field and it hit NY outfielder Brett Gardner. Gardner was uninjured. These days the way things are going for SF Giants – three starters injured on a 10 game road trip,  had one of their fans done the same thing, they’d have hit Pence and put him on the DL.

#SFGiants didn’t get all the players they wanted at the trade deadline, and this odd year doesn’t look like their year. On the other ,hand, watching the Pirates score 9 runs in the 7th inning, 8 against Jim Johnson who the #Dodgers basically bought from the Braves by taking on contracts.. ah, #schadenfreude.

But, Duane Kuiper saying that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ caught a break with the weather on this Chicago trip. Thinking more of a break might have been to have had the entire series rained out.

The Redskins and Texans ended up in a brawl after their three-day joint practice. Shame most Washington fans didn’t see it, might be the best hits their team will get in all year.

So a ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ group disrupted a Bernie Sanders event. Isn’t that like a White Supremacist group disrupting a GOP Presidential Debate?  Or an anti-abortion group doing the same thing?

Up for debate

August 6, 2015

For television viewers, Wednesday night on NBC was “America’s Got Talent.” Thursday night the debate on Fox was the rebuttal.

The Fox News GOP debate was at Quicken Loans Arena, home of the Cleveland Cavaliers.  And much of it was as painful to watch as Lebron’s “The Decision.”

To be fair, Donald Trump says he wanted the GOP debate tonight to be on a “high level.” As in you needed to be high to watch it?

Carly Fiorina, at the “kid’s table” debate. “. “[T]he potential of this nation and too many Americans is being crushed by the weight, the power, the cost, the complexity, the ineptitude, the corruption of the federal government.” And if elected I promise to do for America what I did for Hewlett Packard…. Oh wait, never mind.

A few of the exchanges between, for example, Chris Christie‬ and Rand #‎Paul‬ made me almost sorry that this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ was probably a gun-free zone.

Wonder how many GOP voters watched the debate and were wishing they could vote for ‪#‎MegynKelly‬.

#‎Trump‬ invokes ‪#‎RonaldReagan‬. Is ‪#‎Reagan‬ rolling over in grave or laughing becuz he knows he was much less conservative than his disciples

Scott Walker talking about unborn children needing to be protected. And of course the Wisconsin governor has fought his own party over cutting $238,000 million for child advocacy centers. Oh wait, the GOP over-ruled him, they REINSTATED money Walker wanted to cut. ‪#‎nevermind‬

Mike Huckabee “The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.” Somewhere Teddy Roosevelt IS rolling over in his grave. ‪#‎speaksoftlykillpeopleandbreakthings‬? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

Boston mayor Martin J. Walsh wants to ban chewing tobacco from all ballparks in the city, amateur and professional. Well, with this year’s Red Sox team Walsh doesn’t need to add that “professional” part.

Two men were arrested at an Iowa Taco Bell and charged with allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine in the restaurant. Stand by for the AMC sequel “Breaking Wind.”

President Obama today warned it’s either the Iran deal, or “some sort of war.” And many Republicans responded “You say ‘war” like it’s a bad thing.”

Arby’s ran ads on the penultimate “Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” despite all the knocks the comedian has given them over the years. Well, makes a certain about of sense, with Stewart everyone knew Arby’s was still in business.

A Regent Seven Seas 128 day around-the-world cruise, costing more than $100,000 a couple, had 70% percent of the cabins booked on the first day of sales. The company president stated this was a testament to their belief that “guests … want unique, different, and rich destination experiences.” Well, “rich” for sure.

Now it’s come out that Russians apparently hacked some Pentagon emails. Hillary Clinton might be looking smarter and smarter with that private server.

No lyin -Great thought from Paul Chessin, brother of my FB friend Steve: “So, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to talk to Dr. Walter Palmer but can’t find him because he’s “hiding”? Maybe they should get a trophy game animal, put it in a car, and, you know, lure him out.”

Ball bustered?

May 12, 2015

Tom Brady has been suspended four games for “Deflate-gate.” So which reporter wants to take his/her life into their hands and ask Giselle what she thinks of it?

 

 

 

Four game suspension for Tom Brady. Does this mean Roger Goodell is playing hardball?

 

So I guess when it comes to ‪#‎Patriots‬ coach and GM ‪#‎BillBelichick‬ ignorance IS an excuse. ‪#‎Saints‬ ‪#‎Ignoranceisnoexcuse‬ ‪#‎SeanPayton‬

Last game of Brady’s suspension – against the Dallas Cowboys. His first start of 2015 will thus be against the Indianapolis Colts. Who are thinking…. the NFL couldn’t have just made it four games starting AFTER the season opener?

 

Meanwhile, Aaron Hernandez, already serving a life sentence without possibility of parole, has now been charged with trying to silence a witness in a double murder case against him by shooting him in the face and leaving him for dead. In addition to being charged with those two murders.

If Hernandez isn’t careful Roger Goodell will really throw the book at him.

Reports say that Chris Christie spent $82,000 at Jets/Giants games at MetLife Stadium between 2010 and 2011. Well, to be fair, at NFL prices that’s probably only a few dozen beers.

Fox has announced that American Idol’s next season will be its last. Shocking. American Idol is still on?

Ryan Seacrest is being asked by many in the media how he feels about American Idol’s impending cancellation. Surprised he isn’t answering “You’ll find out after the break.”

Breaking headline Monday “George Zimmerman involved in shooting in Florida, police say” So congratulations to all those who had May 11 in the pool.

As part of Carly Fiorina’s Presidential campaign she is touting her leadership experience at Hewlett Packard. Isn’t that like JaMarcus Russell touting his leadership experience with the Oakland Raiders?-

So I’ve made jokes about one-and-done basketball players not being able to count. But hey, after yesterday’s Bulls-Cavs game most of them are thinking “Well we can at least count to SIX.” ‪#‎DavidBlatt‬ ‪#‎timeout‬

Apparently Cleveland coach David Blatt had something different in mind for the end of yesterday’s playoff game, but LeBron James said ““The play that was drawn up, I scratched. I just told coach, just give me the ball” “Damn, you can DO that!?” said Marshawn Lynch.

 

 

“Reality TV Star” Kristin Cavallari just announced she is expecting her 3rd child with Jay Cutler. So sounds like the Chicago QB at least is completing some passes at home.

How embarrassing.

April 2, 2010

Apparently the Republican National Committee accidentally listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. And across America husbands are telling wives who found their credit card statements “Really, honey, I was just trying to donate to the Republicans.”


The RNC accidentally listed a phone sex number on one of their fundraising solicitations. How potentially embarrassing! There are now all these phone sex workers who are afraid their parents might think they work for the Republican party.


California senate candidate Carly Fiorina was embarrassed earlier this week by sending a Passover greeting to her supporters which talked about “breaking bread” with friends and families. (Leavened bread is prohibited during Passover)

Fiorina apologized if any of her Jewish supporters and staff were offended, and said that in honor of the holiday, she promised to order all her campaign offices a specially made lunch of matzo-crusted pepperoni pizza.


Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested at the Cleveland Airport when TSA officials found a loaded .45-caliber hand gun in his carry-on bag. Even Gilbert Arenas said “Dude, what were you THINKING?”


So what was the origin of April Fool’s Day? One guess, it started at Wrigley Field on Opening Day when a sellout crowd all insisted “This is our year to win it all.”


Of course, how many people in Chicago think that “Passover” just commemorates another year that a championship has passed over the Cubs?


According to Butler coach Brad Stevens, even though his local team is staying at a hotel Thursday and Friday night before their first Final Four game, the players still were shuttled to class Thursday and Friday morning. Said Duke’s Coach K and Michigan State’s Tom Izzo. “That’s discipline.” Said West Virginia’s Bob Huggins “What’s class?”

(For four of the years when Huggins was at Cincinnati he had a ZERO graduation rate.)

President Obama apparently had a very productive conversation with Chinese President Hu about the nuclear summit while Air Force One was idling on the ground at Andrews Air Force Base. If talking from a plane on the tarmac produces good results, just think what Obama could accomplish if he started flying JetBlue

Watching an ad for California Prop 16 – “Taxpayers’ Right to Vote” – which aims to keep cities and counties out of the power business. It’s backed by P G & E. Why does it seem like any time “Taxpayers’ Rights” are invoked in a proposition, it means big money for some corporation?

Politics and other dreams…

September 25, 2009

As much as I might try to write funny stuff, it’s hard to top Carly Fiorina’s new website – .
http://www.carlyforcalifornia.com Seriously. Even Sarah Palin commented “What was she THINKING?”


The ironic thing, Fiorina was the president of HP. Her website does for technology what Chrysler did for cars.

“Carlyfornia dreamin!!!? I guess Fiorinashe was listening to Arnold and tried to spell it phonetically


Also in California, Meg Whitman, running for governor, has already started HER radio ads. Which curiously enough don’t mention if she is a Democrat or Republican. To be fair, Whitman has voted so infrequently, maybe she can’t remember.

After comparing George W. Bush to the devil in 2006, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, said in a U.N. speech Thursday said, “It doesn’t smell like sulfur anymore.” Yeah, apparently staff disinfected the chambers after the speech from Gadhafi.


American Idol season one runner-up Justin Guarini is getting married, then returning to the studio to record his third CD. Idol fans were surprised by the news – Guarini recorded a second CD?

A radio advertisement hails Stanford Football as “the hardest working team in the Pac 10.” That just means they go to class.


Mark Reynolds of the Arizona Diamondbacks has broken his own record by striking out 205 times this season. 205 strikeouts? That’s more than a pair of horny frat boys at an LPGA event.


I’m thinking of starting a Facebook Group. Who needs Michael Crabtree? Let’s see. The 49ers are 2-0, the sulky wide-receiver is still holding out. Personally I’d like to see them commit to making the playoffs without him. Then put half the bonus they were going to give him towards next year’s number one pick. And give the rest to charity. Talk about a way to become America’s team.