Posted tagged ‘Lynch jokes’

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Up in smoke?

January 31, 2017

 

Stephen Jackson said today in an interview he and other players occasionally smoked marijuana before playing in NBA games. Next thing someone will say is that the Gatorade on the sideline is wet.

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Some uproar in SF area about @49ers choosing John Lynch as GM as he has no experience. Maybe no one with any experience would take the job?

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New 49ers GM John Lynch says SF is going to “aggressively recruit” talent to “make us even stronger.”
Well, it would be hard to make the team much weaker.

 

 

At Super Bowl media event, avowed Trump friend Tom Brady said he wasn’t talking politics, but later was asked his opinion of what was going on in the world “What’s going on in the world? I haven’t paid much attention. I’m just a positive person.”
I think I liked “I knew nothing about deflated footballs” better.

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I apologize, clearly Trump DOES listen to people who know what they are talking about. .

The Associated Press on Twitter
“.@AP has learned President Donald Trump’s voter fraud expert is registered in 3 states.

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Sean Spicer today said people shouldn’t be upset that Trump’s Holocaust remembrance statement didn’t mention Jews, and that “nitpicking” the statement is “just ridiculous.”
What is ridiculous is that Spicer could say that with a straight face.

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Suspect in Quebec City mosque shooting is French-Canadian so can we expect Trump’s travel ban to include Canadians?

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Gosh, #QuebecCityMosqueShootingoff off headlines at Fox News already. Sure it has nothing to do w/ fact shooter is white.

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When Donald Trump heads to England to visit Queen will be interesting if British customs officer asks to see his social media account.

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Well, that didn’t take long. Trump fired acting Attorney General Sally Yates for not enforcing one of his executive orders. Remind me again how he’s going to let Jim Mattis overrule him on torture etc?

 

Thinking maybe it’s not too soon to start a pool on when Jim Mattis resigns or is fired?

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Trump’s purported next executive order might limit the number of foreign workers high-tech companies can hire. And he was upset by how much he lost the popular vote in California by before….

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Tweeted by a man who never expects to fly a commercial plane for the rest of his life, especially Delta.
“Only 109 people out of 325,000 were detained and held for questioning. Big problems at airports were caused by Delta computer outage,…..”

 

Unnamed White House official on the travel ban ‘It really is a massive success story.” Hmm, wonder what it was designed to distract attention from?

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Give Trump credit, 1st President to get tens of thousands of Americans to go to airports without their own flights involved.

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One good thing about this #BoycottStarbucks, as a liberal when I’m in line now I know I can safely have a political discussion.

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From Roberta.   “For anyone worried that those 10,000 refugees are “taking American jobs”; at the rate Starbucks stores are proliferating in this country, that’s only an average of 1-2 refugees per store.”

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Any given Saturday?

September 19, 2015

Stanford’s road to the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl might have hit a  speed bump tonight.

‪#‎Fearthetree‬ ‪#‎Nerdnation‬ ‪#‎GoStanford‬. “Saw this coming” said NOBODY. ‪#‎STANvsUSC‬

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Headline you didn’t expect to see- “Ohio State holds off Northern Illinois, 20-13.” Sounds like the Buckeyes’ players took this game about as seriously as they take their classes.

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Notre Dame won today but safety Drue Tranquill injured his right knee chest-bumping a teammate after breaking up a pass in the first half. So Touchdown Jesus may be backing the Fighting Irish, but Mean Bitch Karma still doesn’t like showboating.

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Author Jackie Collins has passed away at 77. And millions of women are thinking, “How sad.” Millions of men are going “Who?”

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Marshawn Lynch filmed an entire Pepsi ad without speaking. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

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In New York City, authorities have closed a child-care center after staff members were accused of accidentally leaving a 2-year-old-boy at a playground. Apparently they just miscounted the children. Yeah, who really needs math anyway?

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Donald Trump just released a policy paper saying he wants to end bans on certain gun types, and that he supports nationwide concealed carry permits. Fine. Can the Donald start by allowing concealed carry at all his campaign events?

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A 91-year-old Florida man, Max Horton, was arrested for allegedly shooting at his neighbors’ landscapers because they got lawn clippings on his caregivers car. In 2013, he was accused of threatening Florida Hospital staffers, telling them he had a gun in his car and they’d be sorry if he went to get it. And this time police said, while being taken to jail, Horton also allegedly threatened to get “payback” on his neighbors.
Thinking this is not what our forefathers meant by a well-regulated militia

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Guess Sarah Palin couldn’t let her daughter have all the headlines, so she too is ranting over Ahmed Mohamed, saying the boy is an “obstinate-answering student” (say what?) , and that his device “obviously could be seen by conscientious teachers as a dangerous wired-up bomb-looking contraption.” Adding “Right, if that’s a clock, I’m the Queen of England.”
So in addition to everything else Sarah has delusions of royalty?

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Trump says “I am not morally obligated” to correct a man who claimed Obama was a Muslim. Uh, Trump was correct after the first 11 letters.

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A shocking upset in the rugby World Cup, as Japan upset South Africa. Shocking the Japanese especially. “We have a rugby team?

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A new iiPhone app will tell users how much time they have wasted playing games and checking social media. So will the app also have the ability to check how much time you waste checking it?

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My friend Owen Byrd shares this tweet from @JaymayAllDay – ‪#‎wishIhadsaidthis‬ : “If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO.”

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Shut up and eat your soup?

September 16, 2015

Marshawn Lynch’s mom has posted on Facebook that she thinks the Seahawks offensive coordination is “the worst play caller ever, ” and should be fired. Maybe beginning to see why Lynch keeps his mouth shut.

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In a game where the entire #SFGiants bullpen seemed to be trying to outdo each other with a sucking contest, the Giants did come back, twice, from being 3 runs down.  #Rallyskeeter.  Almost a win. But they can’t say “We’re going to need a bigger cat.”

rallyskeeter

So a PAC supporting Jeb Bush has released a video touting Bush’s optimism about America, which features a sun rising in a field, with the message  “choose a brighter path.”  Nice. Except the field is in Cornwall, England.  The video is titled  “Bright.” #andjebissupposedtobethebrightone.

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The FDA has banned sales of four cigarette brands from R.J. Reynolds for not meeting safety review requirements. Shocking. Cigarettes HAVE safety requirements?:

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North Korea is now threatening the US with nuclear attack, saying they are ready to use weapons “at any time.” So assume there’s a Playstation involved?

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A just released video from last night video shows three SF 49ers fans beating a Minnesota Vikings fan outside Levi’s. So much for those who thought the Candlestick crowd wouldn’t make it down to the new stadium.

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Carly Fiorina cut 30,000 jobs when she was at HP. Current CEO Meg Whitman has cut 55,000 and now may cut another 30,000 more. Is Meg trying to make her fellow Republican look good by comparison?

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The University of Texas has fired their athletic director. The real reason can be explained in four words: the football team sucks.

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Gary Busey has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Thinking the Donald probably already had 98% of the people who are crazy enough to care about Busey’s endorsement.

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Marco Rubio started at Tarkio College in Missouri on a football scholarship, then went to Santa Fe Community College, then finally ended up at the University of Florida for his bachelor’s degree. Yesterday he said in Iowa, “Look, I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people who can’t get into Florida can go to college.”

Is Rubio trying to prove he’s enough of an overgrown frat boy to be Trump’s running mate?

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Bobby Jindal’s latest – ” Donald Trump is a madman who must be stopped,” Almost makes you wish Jindal was at the grown ups table for the prime-time debate tomorrow, just to see him and the Donald face off.,

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A new Korean study found that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap at killing germs, as the active ingredient only makes a difference after 9 hours.
Let’s hope OCD folks don’t see this and make 9 hours a goal.

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Is this heaven? No, it’s Scottsdale.

March 8, 2015

scottsdale

Winter is almost over.

 

Meanwhile, across town,  Jim Harbaugh took a turn at coaching first base for the As two innings Saturday in a spring training game. Wonder if Billy Beane showed up and out of habit tried to trade him.

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Baseball spring training for most is hope over experience. Making millions of Americans honorary Cubs fans.

 

The New Orleans Saints and Mark Ingram have apparently agreed to a four-year, $16 million deal. Shocking news for these times. There’s actually a Heisman winner some team wants to pay to keep around?!

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It’s the Chinese New Year parade in SF tonight. But no one knows if it’s the year of the Ram or the Sheep or the Goat. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

 

Regarding all those racist emails, jokes and cartoons found in Ferguson emails, anyone but me less shocked at the content, than the fact these people were idiotic enough to send them on city email accounts? ‪#‎maybecaneducateracists‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Forget those rumors of retirement, Marshawn Lynch has signed a two-year extension with the Seahawks. So I guess Lynch is going to postpone plans to star in a remake of “The Longest Yard.”

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The Justice Department is apparently going to bring criminal corruption charges against NJ Senator Bob Menendez. Menendez for his part says he has “always been honest.” And Chris Christie might be thinking “Well, then how did he get elected in New Jersey?”

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Alaska Rep. Don Young, to Interior Secretary Sally Jewell, over a letter 79 members of Congress sent urging her to protect the gray wolf population. “How many of you have got wolves in your district?” None. None. Not one.They haven’t got a damn wolf in their whole district. I’d like to introduce them in your district. If I introduced them in your district, you wouldn’t have a homeless problem anymore.”

Wolves running around Congress might solve a few problems too….

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Saturday night we turned our clocks forward an hour. Knicks fans are just hoping they could turn the clock forward to the end of the season.

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Slip slipping away.

January 19, 2015

So Brandon Bostick didn’t lose that game for the Packers all by himself. But when he let that onside kick go through his hands, the fat lady was so upset she dropped her sheet music.

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The Seattle Seahawks deleted their MLK day tweet saying “We shall overcome” with an MLK quote about faith and a picture of a crying Russell Wilson. Good thing it wasn’t Easter…. wonder what they would have tweeted about resurrection.

 

 

So lots of potential bets on the Super Bowl. One of the more intriguing… what’s the over-under on the size of the fine the NFL will levy on Marshawn Lynch for not talking during media week?

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Seattle police let Seahawks DE Michael Bennett commandeer one of their bicycles for a joy ride around the field after yesterday’s game. And somewhere Madison Bumgarner saw that and said, “Alright, next time no one’s telling ME I can’t ride a police horse in a parade.”

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Happy MLK day. And a weird trivia apropos of nothing, well, except that it’s almost Spring Training. Had Martin Luther King lived, he would still be younger than Vin Scully.

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A college intern working for the Cincinnati Bengals’ was arrested and is facing felony fraud charges after allegedly stealing more than 100 items, including shoes and other gear from the team’s locker room. The items were valued at a total of about $3,500. What an idiot. You’d think he’d at least work for a team where the stolen stuff would be worth more.

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Chicago GM Ryan Pace called new coach John Fox “a game-changer” for the team. Cool, but it will take more than changing one-game to make the Bears a serious postseason contender in 2015.

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Bud Selig this weekend in St. Louis, “I visit all 30 cities, and you are the best baseball city.”    Now, Cardinals fans are great. But no respect for the city that has sold out every game for the past three years?  (San Francisco)

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The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland over the holidays is now up to at least 51 cases in California, a few other states, and Mexico. And it is expected to get much worse. The L.A.Times reports “the wealthy area of southern Orange County has particularly low vaccination levels among kindergartners compared to the state average.” ‪#‎Moneycantfixstupid‬

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Pope Francis, who has come out against artificial birth control, did just say. “Some people think that – excuse my expression here – that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits.” and added that he knew many ways allowed by the Church to limit family size. Right. Brings to mind the old joke, “What do you call people who practice the rhythm method?” “Parents.”

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A new poll shows President Obama’s approval rating back up to 50%. Makes sense. The economy is getting better. And maybe Americans are starting to look ahead to the alternatives.

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Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal today reiterated his claim that Muslim immigrants have created “no-go zones” in Europe where non-Muslims are not welcome. Although he can’t name one such zone. Apparently Jindal’s prior comment that the GOP must “stop being the stupid party” doesn’t extend to pesky things like facts.

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Okay, Billy Crystal has been taking heat for saying he thought some gay sex scenes on TV went “a little too far. ” But it’s gotten less attention when he added “What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story, it becomes a little too much for my taste.” Actually agree with him. Hard to believe it was scandalous when I was a kid that Mike and Carol Brady shared a bed.

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Here we go again. In Missouri a 9-month-old boy has died after being shot in the head by his 5-year-old brother. Stand by for the NRA campaign to arm babies at birth.

 

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