Posted tagged ‘vaccine jokes’

Do you hear what I hear?

February 9, 2015

The Grammys were tonight. For many of us a chance to really feel old. As not in “I don’t like that music” but “who is that anyway”?

Confused though.   Were the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ honoring ‪#‎SamSmith‬ tonight, or ‪#‎TomPetty‬?

 

Apparently climbers in the Andes say have found the wreck of a LAN Chile plane that disappeared in April, 1961 with 34 people on board. Stay tuned for the CNN special on what this may mean about the disappearance of MH 370.

The NBA has fined Clippers point guard Chris Paul $25,000 for his comments about referee Lauren Holtkamp. Sounds like one commissioner at least remembers that his sport has female fans.

Random sidelight to this Chris Paul comments controversy, it’s worth nothing that having a female assistant coach, Becky Hammon, doesn’t seem to have hurt the Spurs too much this year. ‪#‎girlpower‬

The Powerball jackpot is up to $450 million. And alas in America more people probably think they’re going to win it than think they have a chance of getting sick without being vaccinated.

It just gets worse for Brian Williams, today, the embattled NBC anchor was alleged to have referred to the NY Knicks as a professional basketball team

 

Brian Williams has backed out of a scheduled appearance on David Letterman Thursday. Okay,  friends and readers, shall we start a “Top Ten Reasons Why?”

Dean Smith, 83, has passed away. He wasn’t the father of the shot clock. But he created the need for one.

At Dean Smith’s funeral, will programs be passed slowly around the church for an hour before the ceremony starts?

Left-handed pitcher, Sarah Hudek, who throws in the mid 80s, just signed a letter of intent for a scholarship at Louisiana’s Bossier Parish Community College. Good luck to the young woman, and hey, she’s already 20 mph or so ahead of Barry Zito.

Bill Cosby had scheduled shows in Boston tonight. After the rape allegations became public, the theater originally offered upset ticket holders who called their money back, but later announced no further refunds would be given. Now with the latest storm, the shows have been cancelled. Game, set and match to Mother Nature.

 

NASA has released a video of the far side of the moon. Is it set to a Pink Floyd soundtrack?

 

As if we needed proof, again, that being a star athlete has nothing to do with intelligence, common sense, or even at times decency…. Chipper Jones apologized for tweeting Friday “So the FBI comes out and confirms that Sandy Hook was a hoax! Where’s the outrage? What else are we being lied to about? Waco? JFK? Pfff…”

Jones apologized yesterday, said he was “irresponsible,” but had “heard something from someone which I thought to be credible and tweeted w/out researching.” Notes to Chipper. 1. Use the internet. 2. Use your head. 3. Drop that “someone” as a source. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Liestrong

February 3, 2015

Class, nothing but class. Police in Aspen cited Lance Armstrong for failing to report an accident and speeding last month, after he allegedly hit two parked cars after a party, and got his girlfriend to say she was driving to avoid “a national story.” ‪#‎Liestrong‬

You have to wonder how Armstrong thought he would get away with it.  Although if this story really starts going viral, Lance may start getting bouquets, from Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.

Hear that Pete Carroll was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game. But fans are asking Seattle management if Marshawn Lynch can just run the ball in instead.

Tom Brady says he plans to give the Chevy Colorado he won as Super Bowl MVP to Malcolm Butler. A nice gesture. Though before Butler drives the truck he might want to check the pressure in the tires.

From Marc Ragovin. Who hears Pete Carroll will be starring in a new movie – “The Wrongest Yard.”

A truck carrying frozen chicken collided with a truck carrying bees near Palm Springs Tuesday and both vehicles caught fire. Both drivers escaped, but beware of imminent sales featuring heavily discounted honey barbequed chicken.

Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC), arguing against “regulatory burdens,” this week said that restaurants should be able to “opt out” of health department regulations that require employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom. Well, so much for dinner parties at HIS house

To be fair, the Senator did say they should then post a sign saying they didn’t have the rule and then the marketplace would take care of it. Okay, then, do we need a government regulation to REQUIRE such restaurants to put up a sign?

Rep. John Boehner: “I do believe all children ought to be vaccinated.” Some in the GOP are worried. Next thing the Speaker of the House will do is make some heretical statement about believing in science.

 

Some blame the measles outbreak on undocumented immigrants. Considering that this all started from Disneyland, and a single day at the park is $400 for a family of four before parking and food (closer to $600 if you also visit California Adventure), I’m thinking the odds of the child in question being from a wealthy anti-vaccine family are more than slightly higher.

Rand Paul, “I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.” Does this explain some of his colleagues?

Charlie Manson’s marriage license with his 26 year old girlfriend has apparently expired. So guess what. psycho ladies? He’s available.

Browns WR Josh Gordon, who allegedly tested positive for alcohol while on probation, has been suspended for a year by the NFL. Rumor has it he was partying with Manziel. This presumably is not what Cleveland had in mind when Johnny Football said he would “wreck this league.:

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Johnny Manziel has checked into rehab—this just in:three local Las Vegas casino workers unions have filed for bankruptcy.”

Timing is everything…. A Royal Caribbean ship made headlines today for cutting a cruise short because over 200 people became sick with norovirus, which causes nausea and diarrhea. And just got this in my email from the cruise line “Last minute deals, going, going, gone…”

 

Yes, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” But I don’t have a problem with Jordan’s revenge today. They were far more merciful than ISIS.

 

Slip slipping away.

January 19, 2015

So Brandon Bostick didn’t lose that game for the Packers all by himself. But when he let that onside kick go through his hands, the fat lady was so upset she dropped her sheet music.

 

The Seattle Seahawks deleted their MLK day tweet saying “We shall overcome” with an MLK quote about faith and a picture of a crying Russell Wilson. Good thing it wasn’t Easter…. wonder what they would have tweeted about resurrection.

 

 

So lots of potential bets on the Super Bowl. One of the more intriguing… what’s the over-under on the size of the fine the NFL will levy on Marshawn Lynch for not talking during media week?

Seattle police let Seahawks DE Michael Bennett commandeer one of their bicycles for a joy ride around the field after yesterday’s game. And somewhere Madison Bumgarner saw that and said, “Alright, next time no one’s telling ME I can’t ride a police horse in a parade.”

Happy MLK day. And a weird trivia apropos of nothing, well, except that it’s almost Spring Training. Had Martin Luther King lived, he would still be younger than Vin Scully.

 

A college intern working for the Cincinnati Bengals’ was arrested and is facing felony fraud charges after allegedly stealing more than 100 items, including shoes and other gear from the team’s locker room. The items were valued at a total of about $3,500. What an idiot. You’d think he’d at least work for a team where the stolen stuff would be worth more.

Chicago GM Ryan Pace called new coach John Fox “a game-changer” for the team. Cool, but it will take more than changing one-game to make the Bears a serious postseason contender in 2015.

Bud Selig this weekend in St. Louis, “I visit all 30 cities, and you are the best baseball city.”    Now, Cardinals fans are great. But no respect for the city that has sold out every game for the past three years?  (San Francisco)

The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland over the holidays is now up to at least 51 cases in California, a few other states, and Mexico. And it is expected to get much worse. The L.A.Times reports “the wealthy area of southern Orange County has particularly low vaccination levels among kindergartners compared to the state average.” ‪#‎Moneycantfixstupid‬

Pope Francis, who has come out against artificial birth control, did just say. “Some people think that – excuse my expression here – that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits.” and added that he knew many ways allowed by the Church to limit family size. Right. Brings to mind the old joke, “What do you call people who practice the rhythm method?” “Parents.”

A new poll shows President Obama’s approval rating back up to 50%. Makes sense. The economy is getting better. And maybe Americans are starting to look ahead to the alternatives.

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal today reiterated his claim that Muslim immigrants have created “no-go zones” in Europe where non-Muslims are not welcome. Although he can’t name one such zone. Apparently Jindal’s prior comment that the GOP must “stop being the stupid party” doesn’t extend to pesky things like facts.

Okay, Billy Crystal has been taking heat for saying he thought some gay sex scenes on TV went “a little too far. ” But it’s gotten less attention when he added “What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story, it becomes a little too much for my taste.” Actually agree with him. Hard to believe it was scandalous when I was a kid that Mike and Carol Brady shared a bed.

Here we go again. In Missouri a 9-month-old boy has died after being shot in the head by his 5-year-old brother. Stand by for the NRA campaign to arm babies at birth.