Posted tagged ‘Seahawks jokes’

It’s not easy being (neon) green.

December 15, 2016

Turned on Thursday Night Football tonight and was having a Spencer Gifts 1970’s black light poster flashback.

Even Oregon Ducks are looking at these Seahawks uniforms tonight and thinking “WTF?”

 

 

LA Rams punter Johnny Hekker tweeted “Almost got denied my morning coffee by the woman working at the cafe because of my rams sweatshirt…loving the hate.”
Actually, that’s surprising. You’d think in Seattle, and every other NFL city these days, they’d be delighted to see the Rams. #EasyW

Cal announced they are firing their football defensive coordinator after the Bears allowed an average of 42.6 points per game, 127th out of 128 FBS teams
This move shocks many fans who didn’t realize Cal HAD an defensive coordinator.

Temperatures at Soldier Field for the Green Bay-Chicago game this Sunday are expected to be at or near 0 degrees Fahrenheit at kickoff.
Or as Packers fans and players say “positively balmy.”

After 1-3 inches of snow fell in Portland yesterday, cars have been abandoned all over the city. In Minneapolis and Chicago people are just giggling.

A Hawaii bank is absorbing a big loss after a $1 million check from the Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau, mailed to New York to pay for an ad campaign, was stolen and cashed in Arizona.
Okay, just one question, who the heck cashes a $1 million check without LOTS of identification? #cantfixstupid

 

Figured Vanity Fair must have really slammed Trump’s policies or appointments to get that his latest angry tweet trashing the magazine.. Wrong, all  they did give a scathing review to his restaurant in Trump Tower. calling it the “Worst Restaurant in America.” #whythereisnosatire

 

So all the @nytimes needs for a rapprochement with Trump is to give #TrumpGrill a glowing restaurant review?

Tiffany Trump is reportedly going to attend Harvard Law School. Feel just a bit sorry for her as some pretty high percentage of her classmates probably have ambitions to sue her father.

Donald Trump met with executives from many Silicon Valley companies Wednesday but didn’t include Twitter because the company is “too small.”
I get Trump’s ego, but was it really a good idea to pick a fight with the company who really can “delete your account?”

 

While we agonize over the November election down here in the U.S., up in Canada they have problems too: there’s a big political fight over whether the Super Bowl has to be shown with the much-hyped U.S. ads, or whether Canadian advertisers can replace them with less flashy local ads. No joke. #nojoke #kindlergentlerfirstworldproblems

 

And finally, RIP Craig Sager, one of the real good guys in this world.   Gregg Popovich’s pre-game comments below, in their entirety:

“I guess on a day like this, basketball has to take a back seat as we all think about somebody who was very unique, very special Whether you really knew Craig (Sager) or not, you got the feeling that he was a special person in a lot of different ways. And right now I just feel for his family.

“To talk about him being a professional or good at what he did is a tremendous understatement. All of us who knew him understood that fact, what he was all about as far as work was concerned, but he was a way better person than he was a worker, even though he was amazing in that regard. He loved people, he enjoyed pregame, during games, postgame — he loved all the people around it, and everybody felt that.

“The most amazing part of him is his courage. What he’s endured, and the fight that he’s put up, the courage that he’s displayed during this situation is beyond my comprehension. And if any of us can display half the courage he has to stay on this planet, to live every (day) as if it’s his last, we’d be well off. We all miss him very much.”

 

 

 

Super gift?

February 1, 2015

What a waste of Immaculate Reception 2.

 

God to the ‪#‎Seahawks‬. Don’t blame me. Even I ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

Who needs inflated balls when you have Pete Carroll’s inflated ego? ‪#‎Worst2ndandgoalcallever‬ ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

Russell Wilson said after the NFC Championship that God caused him to throw four interceptions. Did God tell him to suck in most of the first half of the Super Bowl too?

 

Robert Kraft thanking almost everyone for the Patriots ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ win, but he forgets to thank Pete Carroll for that goal line passing call.

Of course,  just imagine how far out front ‪#‎Patriots‬ would have won by if they were in charge of their own balls? ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

Seahawks DE Cliff Avril left Super Bowl after hit on the head and due to concussion protocol will not be able to address the media after the game. Next year, Marshawn Lynch is trying to figure out how often he can claim last second concussions.

How much did ‪#‎KatyPerry‬ pay ‪#‎HotDogonastick‬ to borrow one of their uniforms for her ‪#‎SuperBowlHalftimeShow‬? –

 

But really, “I kissed a girl and I liked it” from ‪#‎katyperry‬ during the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ ‪#‎HalftimeShow‬? . No doubt ‪#‎FoxNews‬ is already blaming Obama.

Just as well folks who paid over $10,000-20,000 for Super Bowl tickets can’t see the commercials. They can no longer afford the cars.

Hard to believe that after tonight we’ll be done with Super Bowl hype. The NFL draft hype starts in Monday morning.

.

Stanford fans have to thank Pete Carroll for flashbacks of watching a coach lose a game by not using his best player: Jim Harbaugh throwing repeatedly instead of running Gerhart late in Big Game against Cal, David Shaw not letting Andrew Luck throw for a game winning TD in the Fiesta Bowl….. ‪#‎inflatedegos‬

 

 

So to put the end of the Super Bowl in context for baseball fans. Pete Carroll not giving the ball to Marshawn Lynch with 2nd and goal at the one and the game on the line was roughly analogous to Matt Williams pulling Jordan Zimmerman one out away from a complete game NLDS game 2 win. IMHO.

 

Meanwhile  Mike Huckabee said that changing stance against gay marriage would be like ‘asking someone who’s Jewish to start serving bacon-wrapped shrimp in their deli.”   Right, pork and shrimp together….. Apparently Huckabee has never been in a Chinese restaurant on Christmas.

Missing the best part?

January 30, 2015

 

Go figure. All of these people paying thousands of dollars for Super Bowl tickets. And they don’t even get to see the commercials.

Another thought about all those $10,000 Super Bowl tickets. Maybe most of us think we’d never pay that, but since most of those are written off as corporate expenditures for taxes we’re all chipping in a little bit. Because government will just get the money from somewhere else.

Oops., a police impersonator in Virginia turned on a spotlight in his Crown Victoria and pulled over another car. Except that the driver of that car then identified himself as an off-duty cop. The wannabe officer is now seeing the inside of a real police station and jail as he is being held without bond.

NFL Players Association Pres. Eric Winston apologized today for “inappropriately and flippantly” saying to a reporter: “Hey, even the worst bartender at spring break does pretty well. Think about it, a 2-yr old could [be NFL commissioner] and still make money.” Hmm, was he really apologizing to Roger Goodell, or to 2 yr-olds?

Richard Sherman’s girlfriend is expecting their first child within the next week, and if she goes into labor, Pete Carroll said his cornerback can miss the Super Bowl for the birth if he wants: “It’s about family first and we will support his decision.” And Bill Belichick would no doubt say, “Hey, why doesn’t Sherman be supportive and take the day off to be with her, just in case.”

For anyone thinking of using an unmanned drone to get a glimpse of the Super Bowl, the FAA has banned them on Sunday afternoon within 10 miles of the stadium, and operators can be jailed or fined. Of course, this doesn’t say anything about potential Patriots drones trying to get a glimpse of Seahawks’ practices.

 

Roger Goodell says the NFL is “aggressively” pursuing “Deflategate” allegations, but “I want to emphasize we have made no judgments on these points, and we will not compromise the investigation by engaging in speculation.” Translation, if you think we’re going to do anything before the Super Bowl, you’re flat out nuts.

 

Oakland Raiders are at 200-1 odds to win the Super Bowl in 2016 . Wow!  Guess proximity to California must have made the oddsmakers over-optimistic.

Michelle Obama praised the movie “American Sniper” today. This is the sort of sentence that makes heads at FOX News explode.

Good for golf to have Tiger Woods back. If there weren’t headlines about him missing another cut most people wouldn’t realize there’s a tournament on this weekend.

Mitt Romney’s statement  today “After putting considerable thought into making another run for president, I’ve decided it is best to give other leaders in the party the opportunity to become our next nominee.” Translation, enough of my fellow Republicans have said to me “Are you out of your bleeping mind?”

 

 

A former Oregon State student has been cited for filming a porn video in the university library. Not sure who caught her at it, but pretty sure it wasn’t a football player.

Soft balls?

January 20, 2015

ESPN reports that 11 of 12 game balls allotted to the Patriots for the AFC Championship game were found to be underinflated by two pounds of air (PSI) Out of a required 12.5-13.5 pounds. The report adds that the league is “disappointed … angry … distraught.” So that makes the entire NFL honorary Packers fans?

Many think “deflate-gate” is ludicrous because the Patriots wouldn’t need to have cheated to beat the Colts. Of course, Nixon sure didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern.

Seahawks vs Patriots. A lot of people just really don’t care who wins the Super Bowl. At least Katy Perry will give millions of men two reasons to watch.

Jim Harbaugh has hired his son, 25, as a coach. Of course Michigan fans don’t care if Harbaugh puts his dog on the payroll, as long as he can beat Ohio State.

From Bill Littlejohn:   “A large number of Seahawk fans left the stadium and were not around for Sunday’s wild finish.Thus, only 775,000 will claim that they were there to see it.”

68 Stanford students shut down the San Mateo bridge during Monday’s commute. They were protesting Ferguson, as well as “state-sponsored and U.S.-sponsored violence in Mexico and Palestine.” Have no problem with their free speech in tying all those diverse things together, but thinking if you want to win people to your side, keeping them stuck in their cars after a long day of work doesn’t seem to be the best way to do it.

 

Donald Trump says he is giving “serious thought” to another Presidential run. This may be the first time that “Donald Trump” and “serious thought” have been used in the same sentence.

 

What’s the point of a long rebuttal to the ‪#‎SOTU‬? When the basic message is simply. “What he said was all wrong”?

So apparently some people are doing a “Nationwide Boycott of the SOTU” where they will take pictures of themselves turning their back on President Obama. Aren’t some of these the same people who are unhappy that we no longer do the Pledge of Allegiance each morning in school? – “One nation, INDIVISIBLE…..”

Hope Solo just had domestic violence charges dropped against her, now allegedly she was almost arrested again for being “belligerent” when her former NFL player husband Jerramy Stevens was arrested for DUI in L.A. Who says female athletes will never be the equal of men?

Why there is no satire. MLB just put Fred Wilpon in charge of the MLB finance committee. For the uninitiated, he is the owner of the Mets, whose performance should in and of itself question his ability to manage money, but he also lost about $700 million investing in a Ponzi scheme run by Bernie Madoff. And Wilpon’s defense to avoid criminal charges himself…. he had no clue what was going on…. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Kim Kardashian has a book coming out in May, titled “Selfish.” Does this really even need a punchline?

MLB is proposing that pitchers now be ready to throw a pitch 30 seconds before all between-inning commercial breaks end. Hitters would need to be ready 20 seconds in advance. This would supposedly shorten all games that are not nationally televised by at least 10-15 minutes.  Which means Yankees-Red Sox games will still last four hours.

 

Sad news Tuesday night, that a heart surgeon at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital has passed away after being shot this Tuesday morning, apparently by a disgruntled son of a former patient, who then turned the gun on himself. A sad remember that for all we worry about foreign terrorists, we have plenty of crazy dangerous people right in here in the USA.

Slip slipping away.

January 19, 2015

So Brandon Bostick didn’t lose that game for the Packers all by himself. But when he let that onside kick go through his hands, the fat lady was so upset she dropped her sheet music.

 

The Seattle Seahawks deleted their MLK day tweet saying “We shall overcome” with an MLK quote about faith and a picture of a crying Russell Wilson. Good thing it wasn’t Easter…. wonder what they would have tweeted about resurrection.

 

 

So lots of potential bets on the Super Bowl. One of the more intriguing… what’s the over-under on the size of the fine the NFL will levy on Marshawn Lynch for not talking during media week?

Seattle police let Seahawks DE Michael Bennett commandeer one of their bicycles for a joy ride around the field after yesterday’s game. And somewhere Madison Bumgarner saw that and said, “Alright, next time no one’s telling ME I can’t ride a police horse in a parade.”

Happy MLK day. And a weird trivia apropos of nothing, well, except that it’s almost Spring Training. Had Martin Luther King lived, he would still be younger than Vin Scully.

 

A college intern working for the Cincinnati Bengals’ was arrested and is facing felony fraud charges after allegedly stealing more than 100 items, including shoes and other gear from the team’s locker room. The items were valued at a total of about $3,500. What an idiot. You’d think he’d at least work for a team where the stolen stuff would be worth more.

Chicago GM Ryan Pace called new coach John Fox “a game-changer” for the team. Cool, but it will take more than changing one-game to make the Bears a serious postseason contender in 2015.

Bud Selig this weekend in St. Louis, “I visit all 30 cities, and you are the best baseball city.”    Now, Cardinals fans are great. But no respect for the city that has sold out every game for the past three years?  (San Francisco)

The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland over the holidays is now up to at least 51 cases in California, a few other states, and Mexico. And it is expected to get much worse. The L.A.Times reports “the wealthy area of southern Orange County has particularly low vaccination levels among kindergartners compared to the state average.” ‪#‎Moneycantfixstupid‬

Pope Francis, who has come out against artificial birth control, did just say. “Some people think that – excuse my expression here – that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits.” and added that he knew many ways allowed by the Church to limit family size. Right. Brings to mind the old joke, “What do you call people who practice the rhythm method?” “Parents.”

A new poll shows President Obama’s approval rating back up to 50%. Makes sense. The economy is getting better. And maybe Americans are starting to look ahead to the alternatives.

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal today reiterated his claim that Muslim immigrants have created “no-go zones” in Europe where non-Muslims are not welcome. Although he can’t name one such zone. Apparently Jindal’s prior comment that the GOP must “stop being the stupid party” doesn’t extend to pesky things like facts.

Okay, Billy Crystal has been taking heat for saying he thought some gay sex scenes on TV went “a little too far. ” But it’s gotten less attention when he added “What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story, it becomes a little too much for my taste.” Actually agree with him. Hard to believe it was scandalous when I was a kid that Mike and Carol Brady shared a bed.

Here we go again. In Missouri a 9-month-old boy has died after being shot in the head by his 5-year-old brother. Stand by for the NRA campaign to arm babies at birth.

 

The lights weren’t out, the party wasn’t over.

January 19, 2015

Some say God wanted the Seahawks to win. But isn’t it as likely that God was rooting for the Packers and just turned to the Colts-Patriots figuring the game was over?

The ending of the NFC championship was bad enough Packers fans are getting sympathy cards from Cubs fans.

Quite a number of Seahawks fans actually left with a few minutes left in the game.   Suppose that’s better than all the Packers who didn’t show up in the fourth quarter.

 

Considering how popular both the  ‪#‎Patriots‬ and ‪#‎Seahawks‬ are wonder how many Americans will fast-forward through ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ to get to commercials

 

Will the ‪#‎Seahawks‬ vote ‪#‎Bostick‬ a ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ playoff share?

 

In “prop bets” though,  who had Russell Wilson getting his first completion of the day with less than four minutes less in the second quarter?  And who had him completing more passes in the first half to the Packers than the Seahawks?

The NFL  warned Marshawn Lynch that if he had worn gold cleats Sunday as he planned, he would have been ejected from the NFC championship game. Good to see the league once again focusing on what’s important.

Not a Seahawks fan, but if the problem with Lynch’s gold cleats was that they might have been a distraction, why weren’t the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms declared illegal most weeks.

Meanwhile, TC asks “Did anyone notice that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were not wearing “Bose” headsets? That has to be a $50,000 fine at least from the NFL! EACH!!!!!”

 

Indianapolis reporter Bob Kravitz tweeted “Breaking: A league source tells me the NFL is investigating the possibility the Patriots deflated footballs Sunday night. More to come.” He added that “no one is suggesting this is why Colts lost” but if true the story will just add to New England’s lovable reputation.

 

On a brighter note, at least the Colts didn’t break their fans’ hearts in the 4th quarter.

First Jim Tomsula. Now rumors have the 49ers looking at Lane Kiffin as an offensive coordinator. And in from Ann Arbor you can almost hear a new resident giggling.

And one thing about Lane Kiffin, he’ll have the “offensive” part down pat.

 

Tony Verna, 81, the inventor of instant replay for sports on TV, has passed away. At his funeral, wonder how many times they will review his life?

FOX News apologized four times Saturday for recent incorrect information about Muslims in Europe- things like more than half the Muslims in France supporting ISIS, Sharia law superseding local law, there being “no-go” zones etc. Less shocking that people on FOX said these things perhaps, then that they apologized for them.

Shaking and baking.

January 11, 2015

In 2011, stomping Seattle Seahawks’ fans caused vibrations that were picked up by an earthquake sensor. So this weekend, scientists placed monitors at Century Link Field to test new earthquake alert technology.. They would have done the same thing at Lambeau Field had they known Chris Christie would be in the owners box.

NY Jets RB Chris Johnson was arrested last night in Orlando and charged with open carry of a firearm. This may not be what the Jets had in mind for having higher caliber players in the offseason.

 

So George Zimmerman’s latest arrest was allegedly for throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend. Shocking. With wine involved, I would have expected a box.

A new study indicates fish oil “really can help boost our memory.” Okay, so why do “catch and release” fishermen keep catching the same fish?

The NY Knicks have now lost 15 in a row. At this point the team would be underdogs against the Washington Generals.

 

Lebron James “helped facilitate” a gift of Beats by Dre headphones to all Ohio State players before Monday’s college football championship. But the school says the headphones were “donated” and not a violation of NCAA rules. And some former Buckeyes are thinking “he couldn’t have ‘helped facilitate” those tattoos?

Apparently Oregon’s Darren Carrington failed his drug test BEFORE the Rose Bowl, but the test results didn’t come back until this week. Gosh. If the lab had been quicker FSU might have only lost by 30.

Although, let’s see, marijuana…?  With the Ducks’ speed have to wonder if the Buckeyes have petitioned the NCAA to let the entire Oregon team have a medical marijuana exemption before the game.

 

One thing we learned during the Patriots-Ravens game  – so the refs CAN call a penalty for leaving the sideline to run onto the field. And that giant howl you may have heard came from all ‪#‎Lions‬ fans & ‪#‎Cowboys‬ haters. ‪#‎BALvsNE‬

 

Portrait in lack of courage?

July 21, 2014

Former NFL coach Tony Dungy said he wouldn’t have taken Michael Sam in the draft “Not because I don’t believe (he) should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.” But Dungy is also the man who does prison ministry, and who mentored Michael Vick while in prison. Somewhere Jesus really is weeping.

 

#RichardSherman‘s celebrity softball game drew over 22,000 to #SafecoField.   That’s only about 1,000 people less than the average Mariners home game.  #nojoke.

 –

New York Yankees just announced that the “official” game honoring Derek Jeter will be Sept. 7. Did no one in the front office see the All Star game?

 

The SF Giants were down 4-3 in the 4th inning, and the Phillies had runners on 1st and 3rd with no outs. Thinking not even Pete Rose would have bet that Philly was done scoring.

 

 

Box Score #SFGiants 7-15-1, #Phillies 4-14-0. Without watching you know this was not a thing of beauty. But #awinisawin

#SFGiants have agreed to terms with Dan Uggla. Some concern as to whether he can still hit major league pitching. But hey, the Giants know for sure that some of their current lineup can’t.

Odrisamer Despaigne came within four outs yesterday of throwing the first no-hitter in San Diego’s 46 year history. And Padres pitchers have the added handicap of not being able to pitch against own team.

Jameis Winston said in an FSU pre-season press conference that this year he knows he has “to live up to the hype.” And presumably get his seafood from the training table.

Facebook is adding a new “Facebook Save” feature for people to file interesting “items that you find on Facebook to check out later when you have more time.” “When you have more time?!” Translation for a lot of people, when they’ve retired and Facebook is long gone?

A volunteer California policewoman was put on leave after she posted an-anti bike video rant on YouTube, including asking a man who much she’d have to pay him to run a cyclist over. The caption “Like you’ve never thought about it.” She has apologized and said it was satire. Fair enough, but for a COP to post it?   Apparently SHE never thought about it.

Tough times in Washington. President Obama has to decide what actions to take against Russia, And then the GOP has to immediately decide how those actions are wrong.

It was an American conspiracy to start a war with Russia. …The Ukraine military thought they were shooting down Putin’s plane…. Or MH17 is really MH370, and it took off “full of corpses….”

Even Fox News is bowing to the creativity of some Russian conspiracy theories….

Mediocrity and beyond?

January 22, 2014

Eight to ten inches of snow in New Jersey. Will Richard Sherman call that a “mediocre storm?”

Have to wonder as Stanford recruits for their football team, how many moms saw Richard Sherman and it made them a bit skeptical of the program. And how many kids saw the interview and thought “Cool.”

Erin Andrews is now saying of Richard Sherman’s interview “That was awesome. That was so awesome. And I loved it.” Well, yeah, not that Erin wasn’t famous before. But she now might have the most watched post-game interview ever.

Richard Sherman’s agent or Seahawks management wrote an apology for his rant. But Sherman’s tweet on the subject “Last night shows that racism is still alive and well… And that’s so sad…. At Least some people respect MLKs dream.”  : I got news for him, racism may be alive and well, but had a white guy made the same post-game comments, IMHO people would have still reacted against him. And I don’t think MLK would have trash-talked his opponents. Just sayin..

Miley Cyrus is going to perform on MTV’s “Unplugged.” Anybody but me thinking that when Miley is on it’s time to unplug the TV?

In England, Lord Chris Rennard, suspended by the Liberal Democrats over sexual harassment claims, is not only refusing to apologize, but is claiming the allegations have caused him “stress, anxiety and depression that had led him to contemplate self-harm.” And Bob Filner is thinking “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Cinmeon Bowers, one of FSU’s top men’s basketball recruits, has been arrested for allegedly eating marijuana to conceal it from police. So does this mean Bowers is now considering UW, Colorado or Gonzaga?

 

 

A new proposal from a Indiana GOP state rep would allow teachers, parents, visitors and students over 18 to take guns to school parking lots. Guessing this might make folks think twice before trying to cut someone off for a parking spot.

 

The B.A.T. (Baseball Assistance Team), which helps retired players who have fallen on hard times, has given Bud Selig the first “Bud Selig Leadership award. Thereby managing to get a redundancy and a oxymoron in the same sentence.

 

Stay classy, Arizona. An ASU frat has been suspended after they hosted an MLK Day party, with guests dressed in basketball jerseys, making gang signs and holding watermelon-shaped cups. I guess I could understand how they could be that thoughtless and racist, but how stupid do you have to be in a social media age not to realize that pictures would go viral?

Vladimir Putin says to gay Olympic visitors. “you will feel quite secure, at ease, but leave kids alone, please.” While the Russian President is at it, will he make sure bookstores destroy all copies of “Lolita?”

 

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Guinness confirms that two men at a Las Vegas electronics store set a world record by watching TV for 87 consecutive hours—it turned out to be the last two minutes of an NBA game”

It’s high time.

January 20, 2014

With two teams from states where marijuana is legal in the Super Bowl, should they change the game time to start at 420p?

Or with teams from Colorado and Washington in the Super Bowl, is this a sign from above that God wants the U.S. to legalize marijuana?

Not sure when MLK gave his “I have a dream” speech that he imagined part of that dream would become a Macy’s one day sale.

Vladimir Putin, who wants Russian population growth, is claiming that homosexuality decreases the birth rate. If Putin really wants more babies born in Russia, maybe he needs to work on getting an NBA team.

Let’s see – Richard Sherman vs. Peyton Manning? Even as a Stanford grad got to be guessing it’s not going to be hard to guess this year who “America’s Team” is going to be in the Super Bowl.

At Century Link Field after Seattle’s win to make it to the Super Bowl, they played “New York, New York.” Well, guess there isn’t a song titled “New Jersey, New Jersey.” Maybe the tune should have been “Bridge Over Troubled Water?

NBC says they would love to keep Jay Leno after he steps down from “The Tonight Show” on Feb. 6. So if Jimmy Fallon doesn’t work out they can bring Leno back this summer?

I will give Richard Sherman credit for one thing. He has probably assured that the over-the-top Super Bowl media focus will not be on Seattle’s second year QB Russell Wilson

For all the jokes.  Is Richard Sherman an a**hole? Probably. Did he/does he take Adderall? Probably. But really people… he gave a cocky interview after helping to clinch a berth for his team in the Super Bowl. Not exactly the same as a jailhouse conversation. For all that, I’m rooting for Archie’s son to make Sherman look bad.

President Obama said today he doesn’t think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol, “in terms of its impact on the individual consumer.” Which will no doubt offend liberals because he is not going far enough to legalize it, and conservatives for not calling marijuana a gateway. #cantwin

Sarah Palin claims that Obama should stop playing “the race card” after the President said “”There’s no doubt that there’s some folks who just really dislike me because they don’t like the idea of a black president. There are some black folks and maybe some white folks who really like me and give me the benefit of the doubt precisely because I’m a black president.” Um, okay, but for president substitute “Would-be-president” and for black substitute “stupid.” And you might explain Sarah Palin.

Who needs NSA?

January 17, 2014

Cats are watching you.

Image

(this, btw, is Xena. She thinks she is a better meme than Grumpy Cat.)

 

So now that President Obama has promised to scale back the collection of phone data, how long until something else happens like the Boston bombings and Americans scream about how we should have been monitoring the perpetrators?

And Obama today backed restrictions on the NSA collection of data. So Americans can worry less about being spied upon by their government, and go back to being spied upon by Google, Yahoo, Facebook, Target, etc…

 

I know power is supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but anyone but me think French President Francois Hollande, in the middle of at least his second love triangle, looks kind of like a dweeb?

Seattle vs. San Francisco on Sunday, With the two West Coast teams much of the country views this game a bit different. About 10% want the Seahawks, 10% want the 49ers, and 80% are just hoping for a full out brawl led by Pete Carroll and Jim Harbaugh.

 

The LA Dodgers, whose payroll is already about $250 million, are now talking with Masahiro Tanaka’s agent. Even the NY Yankees are saying “Jeez, show a little restraint.”

 

In Detroit, a 4-yr-old girl found a rifle under her grandfather’s bed and accidentally shot and killed her 4-yr-old cousin. If only the little boy had been armed.

The more I think about it the more I think the Academy Awards snubbed Emma Thompson for an acting nomination for “Saving Mr. Banks” because a bunch of old men thought her haircut and clothes made her look ugly.

 

 

Lebron James’s birthday message “We’re connected at the hip no matter where life takes us. And happy birthday to D-Wade.” Translation, “if I get a better offer, I love you bro, but I’m out of here.”?

The NTSB says the wrong-way Southwest pilots said that their flight computer was correct about Branson Airport, but that they “mistakenly identified” another airport as Branson when they saw its bright lights. Well, what a relief. Not like any other pilots flying to metropolitan areas in the U.S. will ever have to contend with nearby bright lights…..

 

From T.C.  “Two pilots are being held responsible for landing a Southwest Airlines plane at the wrong airport 7 miles away in Branson Missouri.  This wouldn’t have happened at United. They would have charged a fee for bussing the passengers back to the correct airport.”

And T.C. on the bus to hell.  “A retired police captain shot the guy in front of him at the movies when he refused to stop texting. The last person who got shot in a Florida theater was the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman.”

 

 

 

 

A-bridged version.

January 14, 2014

The Seattle Seahawks won’t let anyone with a California address buy tickets to the NFL championship. If they are that worried about out-of-towners spoiling their team’s chances, maybe the Hawks should put Chris Christie in charge of coordinating day-of-game bridge traffic.

If could be worse. What if Anthony Weiner as a Congressman from Brooklyn had closed down THAT bridge, and Chris Christie had sexted selfie naked pictures.

 

A recent study showed that caffeine enhances certain memories for up to 24 hours after it’s consumed. As in “Holy Sh*t, I can’t believe I paid that much for a cup of coffee?”

 

 

 

In early December Southwest announced that as of June 2014 they were cancelling service to Branson, MO. Now we know why, their pilots don’t know where the airport is.

 

Why there is no satire…. The Octomom has been charged with welfare fraud for not reporting earnings while she collected benefits. One of her paid jobs? Endorsing birth control for pets.

Apparently an argument over texting during a movie in a theater turned deadly today when a retired police officer allegedly shot and killed another man. I probably don’t even need to mention the state…..

The Chicago Cubs have announced their first official mascot, “Clark”, a “young friendly Cub” who will greet fans at Wrigley Field. Wonder if in June Clark will start handing out 2015 Calendars.

In a recent poll, 51% of New Jersey residents say they do not think the governor has been “completely honest” about #Bridgegate, Of course have to wonder what % think that any politician is “completely honest” about anything.

QB Peyton Manning loudly used the word “Omaha” before snapping the ball in yesterday’s playoff game. The city thanked him for the mentions. Although for all we know that’s where Peyton was threatening to send his O line if he got sacked.

A-Rod’s suspension, which saves the team his $25 million salary for 2014, comes just in time for the Yankees to use the $$ to make a run at Masahiro Tanaka. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. #sarcasm

 

Trying to take sides between Bud Selig and A-Rod, is like trying to choose between Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder.

But really. Alex Rodriguez’s latest effort to overturn his suspension involves suing both MLB AND the players’ union. Guess not content with being the most hated man in baseball, A-Rod is trying to become the most hated man in all sports.

Seattle fans generated a small earthquake again during last Saturday’s game against New Orleans. Wondering how many years we are away from the first lawsuit for future health damages and hearing loss?

All’s fair?

January 13, 2014

If you have children watch games to teach them about sportsmanship, you might want to have turned off the Panthers 49ers NFC playoff Sunday.

 

Semi-serious thought for a change  If taunting is in the NFL penalty book, then start calling it and fining players. Instead of saving the fines for stuff like wearing the wrong socks.

 

Nice show of confidence from Seattle management – restricting ticket sales to next week’s NFC championships to fans in in 6 states, not including California. You’d think if the Seahawks can handle the 49ers, their 12th man fans could handle a few hundred folks in red and gold.

Heck, if the Seahawks are that worried about out-of-towners spoiling their game, maybe they should ask Chris Christie to coordinate local bridge traffic?

Already controversy with the U.S. Women’s Figure Skating team, as the Olympic committee chose the 1st, 2nd and 4th place finishers at the Trials for the three spots. Guess that’s what they get for giving a guest spot to the French judge?

A-Rod says he is showing up for Spring Training while he appeals his suspension. Thereby assuring that this year the Yankees circus starts before Opening Day.

 

Guess the Yankees should have been suspicious when A-Rod had that plastic jar of multi-colored candies labeled “Gummy Bears-ly Legal.”

The Chargers’ Manti T’eo was knocked out of today’s game with a concussion. Wonder if they took his helmet when T’eo asked for his girlfriend.

Biggest losers with NFL games today? Advertisers who bought time late in the fourth quarters.

Fake punt late with a two touchdown lead. Harbaugh doing his best to assure that most people outside of California and Washington will be rooting for AFC in Super Bowl.

Peyton Manning will have an offseason exam on his neck that will determine his future. And 29 teams who aren’t the Broncos are saying “Take care of yourself, relax, spend time with your family.”

For all those who are convinced private industry trumps government every time, and regulations are just job-killers, maybe it’s time for a short visit to West Virginia. Just don’t drink the water.

Monday mourning.

September 16, 2013

If only the worst headline in D.C. today was about the the Redskins.

But as another sad shooting story filled front pages and rumors fly, the one thing, as usual, that immediately seemed was a certainty about the shooter or shooters in Washington, D.C. was the term “male.”

(A friend said this “punchline” is stale.  Believe me, I’d be glad to retire it.   )

 

In the SF Bay Area, when we turn to late night local news, it’s often almost a said cliche that there was yet another shooting in Oakland. Have to be thinking, in Canada and England, do they turn on the news and think the same about the USA?

Okay, back to sports etc….

Seattle fans say they set a Guinness World Records mark for loudest stadium during last nights Seahawks 49ers game, 131.9 decibels. Is this really a challenge they want to lay down when the new 49ers stadium is opening in perhaps the technology capital of the world?

The Texas Rangers have lost 7 in a row? What’s going on? It’s September, only the Dallas Cowboys are supposed to suck.

On a warm fuzzy sports note the Red Sox did have a really nice tribute to Mariano Rivera last night. Of course, it was probably warmer and fuzzier because Boston doesn’t think they’ll see him in the postseason.

Just a thought. Are there any middle ground options between Tiger Woods winning the tournament, and Tiger Woods whining about the tournament?

Suspended Tigers SS Jhonny Peralta, eligible to return Sept. 27, is heading to the instructional league this week. Have to wonder what “instruction” he might share with minor leaguers.

The the “gentlemen” of Delta Kappa Epilson at LSU thought it was a good idea before the Kent State game last Saturday to put up a banner saying “Getting Massacred Is Nothing New to Kent St.” Well that ought to do wonders for the image of SEC frat boys being Neanderthals.

#Jaguars fans rallying to push the team to sign #TimTebow. A few more games like last night’s and #49ers fans will be right behind them.

A few thoughts over last Saturday’s ASU-Wisconsin game . 1. The refs screwed up. 2. Instant replay doesn’t overcome incompetence. 3. If you have a play designed simply to take a knee, EXECUTE it cleanly.

Just guessing if Stanford ever has a ceremony to celebrate their big 2011 Orange Bowl win, they’re not going to put Richard Sherman and his former coach Jim Harbaugh next to each other.

 

Jerry Seinfeld will be part of the broadcast crew Tuesday night for the NY Mets and SF Giants game. As if the two teams’ play this year hasn’t been comical enough.

From Jim Barach:  Free Wi-Fi will be available to fans going to the Philadelphia Eagles stadium, Lincoln Financial Field. That will allow them to log their computers into NFL.com and watch all the football games that actually matter.

From Marc Ragovin:   “Interesting results from NYC school kids’ testing. While a vast majority could not do simple arithmetic, 97% correctly figured out when the Mets would be mathematically eliminated from contention.”

And finally a  little bipartisan picture humor for a day when we need it.

Image

There she is….

September 15, 2013

Miss America was tonight. Women tune in for the dresses. Men tune in for the swimsuit competition. And comedy writers tune in for the interview questions.

Okay, clearly the fix was in. Miss California, a Stanford graduate, got the Miss America question about bombing Syria….

Lebron James apparently married his long-time girlfriend in a private ceremony. Kudos to him for not making a circus out of THAT decision.

Vladimir Guerrero announced his retirement from baseball. Since he last played in 2011, perhaps he didn’t need to announce it? (Still wish the SF Giants had signed him when Alou was managing, they might have gotten that trophy with the little flags sooner.)

Not sure of all that will go on in Wisconsin’s football practices this week. But a “taking a knee” clinic will no doubt be included.

You think YOUR team is bad? WKMG TV in Orlando felt they needed to run a scrolled message today saying that NFL policy states the station must carry all Jacksonville Jaguars away games. The end of the message said: “We apologize for any inconvenience.”

And we wonder why we have gridlock. The Tea Party in Kentucky is backing a primary challenger to Senator Mitch McConnell, because they think he compromises too much and is too moderate….

Silver lining moment: This was one Sunday when NY Jets fans know their team won’t disappoint them.

A young man was hospitalized with non-life threatening injures after he fell four stories through a skylight at an Massachusetts Institute of Technology fraternity. Shocking. MIT has fraternities?

Another thought on the above young man.  Just guessing he got an F on that first aeronautical engineering project?

Oops. This correction in Arizona Highways magazine after an article on edible wild plants: “The fly agaric mushroom should not be consumed in its raw form because of its unpredictable psychotropic and physical effects,”
Unsaid to those who already tried the fly agaric, also known as a “magic mushroom”, – we REALLY hope you aren’t driving.

(or as friends of mine suggest… flying..)

Larry Summers withdrew his name from consideration for Federal Reserve chairman. Thereby wasting more than a few Senators’ already written speeches against him.

Anyone watching SF Giants and 49ers today who didn’t know the standings might have guessed the wrong team expected to go to the postseason. (And the Giants scored more too.)

Not sure what would have helped the 49ers tonight?  Maybe more lightning?

Okay, Richard Sherman was smirking after tonight’s 49rs-Seahawks game. But have to think that somewhere Alex Smith was smiling just a little bit.

Long odds.

May 17, 2013

The odds of winning the week’s $600 million Powerball the jackpot are 1 in 175,223,510. Well, at least that’s slightly better than the Cubs winning the World Series.

5.1 earthquake in Ontario, Canada today. What triggered it? Monday’s unprecedented avalanche of falling Maple Leafs?

A new cellphone video appears to show Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine. Wow.And just a few days ago Torontonians thought the most embarrassing thing that could happen to their city was the Maple Leafs.

New York Jets RB Mike Goodson was arrested this morning on drug possession and weapon charges. Good news for everyone who had May 17 in the “When does the post Tebow circus really start?” pool.

9 errors in 4 games. If this keeps up the #SFGiants are going to have to add asterisks when they sell those “game-used gloves.”

Seattle DE Bruce Irvin became the third Seahawk to be suspended in six months for PEDs. At this point the team is racking up so many rules violations Pete Carroll must think he’s back at USC.

 

But come on. Seahawks DE Bruce Irvin was suspended FOUR  games for PEDs.  Only 1/4 of the regular season. Even Bud Selig thinks the NFL drug policy is lame.

Beyonce has announced she is pregnant with her 2nd child. No announced due date but since she’s not really showing it appears she and Jay-Z will have several months to come up with a name weirder than “Blue Ivy.”

Open note to other California drivers:   If your SUV or minivan is big enough to fit an entire Little League team, it’s probably a tad too big for a “compacts only” parking place.

Pat Robertson is taking some heat for his comments on infidelity:   “Males have a tendency to wander a bit, and what you want to do is make the home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.” What’s Pat’s defense, that he was going to follow Sanford and Weiner in attempting another run for office?

Congrats to Vince Young. Who today is getting his degree from the University of Texas. And all across the SEC football players are asking “What’s a degree?”

Weird travel note.  No joke.   You know it’s a bad weekend to find hotel rooms in San Francisco when United Airlines has an internal message on delayed flights “DO NOT SEND ANY MISCONNECTS…NO HOTEL SPACE IN SFO.”

Glenn Beck is now claiming that the Obama administration concocted the AP and IRS scandals to take the focus of Benghazi. Leaving the bat-shit crazy element out of this, amazing that some conservatives think the only thing Obama can accomplish is a conspiracy.

Golden girl?

January 14, 2013

Hollywood is abuzz about Jodie Foster’s semi-coming out speech at  the Golden Globes speech tonight.  Which really was about as shocking  a bombshell will have to wait for Lance Armstrong’s confession will be to Oprah.

Forget the controversy over whether or not “Zero Dark Thirty” needs a disclaimer…. no one’s going to top Amy Poehler’s line on director Kathryn Bigelow. ““When it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron.”

If any woman didn’t already have enough reasons to love Hugh Jackman, hard to beat closing an award acceptance speech by telling your wife she is ALWAYS right.

Saw “Argo” Sunday.  I’m no film critic. But hard to believe there were really five directors who did a better job in 2012 than Ben Affleck.  (And apparently the Hollywood Foreign Press agrees with me.)

The NY Mets apparently are taking a look at erstwhile SF Giants closer Brian Wilson. What’s more optimistic – that Wilson will return to form after his second Tommy John surgery? Or that the Mets will have games to close?

In Paris, hundreds of thousands of people marched to protest the French president’s plan to allow gay couples to marry and adopt children. And this is the country that ridicules the U.S. for making a big deal of politicians who have mistresses?

The world’s oldest person, Koto Okubo, 115, died Saturday in Japan. The best part of this story – she had lived in the same nursing home as one of her sons.

Who knows what next week will bring . But Atlanta Falcons may have set a record today for survival after serious self-asphyxiation.

Denver Broncos thought they were the biggest NFL choke story of the year. Turns out they were barely the biggest choke story of the weekend.

49ers fans may not like the prospect of going to Atlanta, but SF Bay Area fans sure had to enjoy the look on Pete Carroll’s face at the end of the Falcons-Seahawks game.

Colin Powell said today on “Meet the Press” that he’s still a member of the Republican Party. The questions is whether some GOP members of Congress can honestly say the same thing.

Nate Silver predicted that the Seattle Seahawks would be in the Super Bowl. Maybe Pete Carroll should have consulted with Silver as to whether he thought the odds favored icing the Falcons’ field goal kicker.

January 13 was apparently the 12th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” day around the world. Which means for those in the know that  January 14 will be the 12th annual “Stand Up Instead of Sitting on the Subway Seats” day.

From Bill Littlejohn:    “Callers to 9-1-1 in Virginia reported seeing a lion that turned out to be a dog.  Detroit fans can certainly identify.”