Posted tagged ‘Popovich jokes’

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Star powered?

February 28, 2018

49ers say they haven’t decided what if anything to do about Reuben Foster’s arrest for domestic violence, and GM John Lynch denied the San Francisco LB was being treated differently because he’s a star.  I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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Now it’s LaMarcus Aldridge who’s hurt,  with Kawhi Leonard still out,  Pau Gasol sidelined with a bone bruise, and Danny Green barely back from bursitis.  The San Antonio Spurs aren’t just a  basketball team, they’re a season of Survivor.

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Bears to release QB Mike Glennon. How long until Chicago fans look back nostalgically to the days of Jay Cutler?

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That moment when Dick’s Sporting Goods is more pro-active about gun safety than Congress…

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Hope Hicks is resigning. Wonder why. Doesn’t every boss ask you to tell white lies and hide the fact that your boyfriend beat his ex’s?

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Good on Walmart to change their gun policy. But remember, they are only doing it so they won’t lose business to Dick’s Sporting Goods. @Dicks

 

Remember those days when “Fast and Furious” referred to a series of action films instead of new revelations coming out about this White House.

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Are we sure @realDonaldTrump doesn’t think “Dew Process” is one of his porn star mistresses’ names?

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Remember when there were so many shootings by USPS workers that we used to say “going postal?” But sure if we arm over-worked, under-paid and over-stressed teachers that would NEVER happen. #sarcasm

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Feel like I should go to Dick’s Sporting Goods if the store actually sold anything I wanted to buy. Maybe they can start stocking cookies?

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As long as I am the attorney general, I will continue to discharge my duties with integrity and honor & this department will continue to do its work in a fair & impartial manner according to the law and Constitution” To quote Will Farrell in one of the best Christmas movies ever  -“He’s an ANGRY elf.” #Sessions

So now that we’ve arrested a Georgia teacher fired a gun inside a classroom, what’s next? Arming janitors? Lunch ladies?

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So who had Hope Hicks in Trump Resignation Bingo?

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At this point it might be easier to compile a list of top Trump aides who haven’t resigned.

(my friend pat says ” This will be more fun than filling out the March madness brackets… and less corrupt.”)

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Thinking back longingly to days when we comedy writers really had to struggle to make jokes with Obama in the White House.

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But okay,  Trevor Noah and Samantha Bee, top this for satire – Donald Trump today: “I’m not into popularity.”

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It’s not easy being (neon) green.

December 15, 2016

Turned on Thursday Night Football tonight and was having a Spencer Gifts 1970’s black light poster flashback.

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Even Oregon Ducks are looking at these Seahawks uniforms tonight and thinking “WTF?”

 

 

LA Rams punter Johnny Hekker tweeted “Almost got denied my morning coffee by the woman working at the cafe because of my rams sweatshirt…loving the hate.”
Actually, that’s surprising. You’d think in Seattle, and every other NFL city these days, they’d be delighted to see the Rams. #EasyW

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Cal announced they are firing their football defensive coordinator after the Bears allowed an average of 42.6 points per game, 127th out of 128 FBS teams
This move shocks many fans who didn’t realize Cal HAD an defensive coordinator.

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Temperatures at Soldier Field for the Green Bay-Chicago game this Sunday are expected to be at or near 0 degrees Fahrenheit at kickoff.
Or as Packers fans and players say “positively balmy.”

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After 1-3 inches of snow fell in Portland yesterday, cars have been abandoned all over the city. In Minneapolis and Chicago people are just giggling.

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A Hawaii bank is absorbing a big loss after a $1 million check from the Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau, mailed to New York to pay for an ad campaign, was stolen and cashed in Arizona.
Okay, just one question, who the heck cashes a $1 million check without LOTS of identification? #cantfixstupid

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Figured Vanity Fair must have really slammed Trump’s policies or appointments to get that his latest angry tweet trashing the magazine.. Wrong, all  they did give a scathing review to his restaurant in Trump Tower. calling it the “Worst Restaurant in America.” #whythereisnosatire

 

So all the @nytimes needs for a rapprochement with Trump is to give #TrumpGrill a glowing restaurant review?

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Tiffany Trump is reportedly going to attend Harvard Law School. Feel just a bit sorry for her as some pretty high percentage of her classmates probably have ambitions to sue her father.

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Donald Trump met with executives from many Silicon Valley companies Wednesday but didn’t include Twitter because the company is “too small.”
I get Trump’s ego, but was it really a good idea to pick a fight with the company who really can “delete your account?”

 

While we agonize over the November election down here in the U.S., up in Canada they have problems too: there’s a big political fight over whether the Super Bowl has to be shown with the much-hyped U.S. ads, or whether Canadian advertisers can replace them with less flashy local ads. No joke. #nojoke #kindlergentlerfirstworldproblems

 

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And finally, RIP Craig Sager, one of the real good guys in this world.   Gregg Popovich’s pre-game comments below, in their entirety:

“I guess on a day like this, basketball has to take a back seat as we all think about somebody who was very unique, very special Whether you really knew Craig (Sager) or not, you got the feeling that he was a special person in a lot of different ways. And right now I just feel for his family.

“To talk about him being a professional or good at what he did is a tremendous understatement. All of us who knew him understood that fact, what he was all about as far as work was concerned, but he was a way better person than he was a worker, even though he was amazing in that regard. He loved people, he enjoyed pregame, during games, postgame — he loved all the people around it, and everybody felt that.

“The most amazing part of him is his courage. What he’s endured, and the fight that he’s put up, the courage that he’s displayed during this situation is beyond my comprehension. And if any of us can display half the courage he has to stay on this planet, to live every (day) as if it’s his last, we’d be well off. We all miss him very much.”

 

 

 

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Maybe 81-1?

October 25, 2016

So maybe Golden State Warriors don’t want pressure of an undefeated season? Or maybe Greg Popovich is a very very good coach

 

And maybe Spurs assistant coach Becky Hammon, who was head coach of the Spurs D-league in 2014 when Jonathan Simmons took MVP honors 2014,  is also a pretty good coach.

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Big night in sports. #WorldSeries began for MLB. And the NBA started the 82-game second phase of their preseason.

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World Series started tonight. Maybe if MLB actually showed some regular season games and put the playoffs on network television, millions of Americans might be able to name at least one Cleveland Indian.

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#CarlosSantana starting at DH for @Indians. Casual fans thinking shouldn’t he play anthem instead & isn’t he kind of old. #WorldSeries

 

So for a while tonight it was looking like it was not just Bruce Bochy who might have pulled a star starter in playoffs too early.

But reliever Andrew Miller, with a 3 run lead, got the tying run to the plate in the 7th and 8th innings… and got out of it both times.  What a concept.  #SFGiants  #Sigh

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The NY Giants have released kicker Josh Brown, saying that “Our beliefs, our judgments and our decisions were misguided.”
Translation, we never believed those documents would be made public.

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In select markets, #Arby’s announced they will begin testing venison sandwiches in select markets. Oh, deer.

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Tuesday was  #NationalPassiveAggressive day. Fine, whatever.

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Barack Obama on Jimmy Kimmel last night “What I don’t do is at 3 a.m. I don’t tweet about people who insulted me. I try to sleep so that in the morning I’m actually ready for a crisis.”
Waiting for the Donald tonight at 3 a.m. to insult the President’s stamina.

 

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Glenn Beck just said he thinks Donald Trump is a sociopath. Well, the pot SHOULD be a kettle expert.

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A new White House executive action will require airlines to refund baggage fees for delayed baggage. Seems reasonable. Wonder how much airlines will raise fees to cover it.

 

A British Airways flight from San Francisco to London made an emergency landing in Vancouver after the entire crew, including the pilot, became ill. Did they all have the fish? #Ahospitalwhatisit? #surelyyoucantbeserious

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Justin Timberlake posted a selfie of himself doing early voting wth a covered up ballot, urging people to vote. But pictures in polling places are illegal in Tennessee. The horror. Trump claiming election fraud in 3.2.1…..

 

After Megyn Kelly told Newt Gingrich people have a right to hear reporting on women accusing Trump of being a “sexual predator, ” Gingrich actually shouted “You are fascinated with sex and you don’t care about public policy!”
Well, that should help with the women’s vote.

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Trump told Reuters today as President he would not put any Democrats in his cabinet. Which could be tough. Not sure the Donald could find enough Republicans he hasn’t mortally offended.

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Colin Powell today announced ““I am voting for Hillary Clinton.” Waiting for attack tweets from #DonaldTrump against Powell in 3.2.1….

 

My boat would have been huge, the best, that shark would have been sushi. Only losers get eaten. #TrumpaHorrorMovie

 

He had very small hands. I ate them with fava beans & the bestest Chianti. #TrumpAHorrorMovie.

 

From Mark Ricklis  “Have you seen the new Trump website? Grope-on.”

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And how many hours after the early bird special?

April 23, 2015

Impressive win by the Spurs tonight in OT against the Clippers in Los Angeles. Heck, impressive with the game ending after 10pm PT, midnight CT, that most of the team was up that much past their bedtimes.

Gregg Popovich used the “Hack a Jordan” strategy tonight in the win,  putting DeAndre Jordan at the line repeatedly.  Ugly, yes.  Fun to watch, no, fun for the Clippers, no. But there IS a solution, for Jordan and others – learn to shoot a bleeping free throw.

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The Oklahoma City Thunder fired Scott Brooks today, after he had coached the team for seven years. Guess Brooks didn’t do a good enough job of making sure Durant and Westbrook didn’t get hurt?

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Jameis Winston now says he didn’t steal the crab legs, but they were given to him by a Publix employee. as was a cake the week before. Uh, illegal benefits? Vacate the Seminoles wins! Or at the very least the NCAA should put USC on probation again.

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Your tax dollars at work. Today the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals reversed Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction . Saying his vague grand jury answer was “not material to the government’s investigation into steroids distribution.” But hey, this decision itself can be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. More tax dollars!

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Greg Hardy was suspended for 10 games by the NFL after he was found guilty of assaulting and threatening to kill a former girlfriend. If he’d actually killed her would the Cowboys’ new DE have been given 12 games?

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Really, former Chicago Bears kicker Jay Feely said Tim Tebow is the worst QB he has even seen in his NFL career? With all due respect, Tebow might not have even been the worst QB Feely saw on the Bears.

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A Carnival Cruise ship made it to Sydney Harbor 24 hours late after suffering some damage from 40-foot waves during a major storm. No reported injuries. But stand by anyway for the CNN mini-series.

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Revenge for the 21st century:. When a Japanese woman discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her, she put his iMac, iPhone, iPad and accessories into the bath tub. And then sent him a picture. Even in drought-stricken California most women would say that’s a fine use of water.

(Andy D. says,  “The waterproof Android phones need this as their new commercial!”)

 

Mitt Romney’s son Josh has said, for now, that he won’t run for the Senate in 2016, but thinks he will run for office some day in the future. Isn’t it nice to know that we live in a meritocracy that isn’t led by family dynasties?

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During a question and answer session at the White House today for “Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, a little girl asked Michelle Obama how old she was, and when Michelle responded, “51,” the girl made a funny face, and said “You look too young.” Then repeated “You’re too young for a 51 year old!”

Wonder if the House hearing this, immediately called for a special investigation.

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Approaching our last moment of zen?

February 10, 2015

Say it ain’t so, Jon. Jon Stewart announced today that he is stepping down as host of The Daily Show. Has he decided that yes, indeed, these days there really is no satire?

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And this after Stewart may have the best comment on this whole Brian Williams mess: “Finally, someone is being held to account for misleading America about the Iraq war.”

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NBC suspended Brian Williams for 6 months, saying his lies had “jeopardized” the network’s credibility. Wait, NBC had credibility?

 

On a brighter note for NBC,  the NBC Nightly News had its largest total viewership in four weeks.  Maybe other networks will start trying to dig up dirt on their own anchors?

 

Richie Incognito has agreed to a deal with the Buffalo Bills. Wait, I thought Rex Ryan said “we’re going to build a bully,” not sign one.

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ESPN reported that of Gregg Popovich’s 1,000 wins, 921 have been with Tim Duncan. To put that bromance in perspective, 921 is more wins than the Miami Heat have EVER in their history.  (805 as of today.)

 

As a result of a lawsuit filed against him by his daughter, a New Orleans judge ruled that Saints & Pelicans owner Tom Benson, 87, will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to determine mental competency. Now, clearly Benson is old. But if mental competency was required for an NFL or NBA owner, there would be a lot of vacant chairs at those owner’s meetings.

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Security researcher Mark Burnett this week posted a database containing 10 million usernames and passwords. So were at least 9 million of them 123456789?

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Alex Rodriguez, 39, reportedly told Barry Bonds “l want to take your (home run) record..” Not exactly sure he could get over 100 more home runs without a supplement made from flying pigs, but A-Rod might be one of the few active sluggers who could make Bonds look lovable by comparison.

 

Today in a meeting at Yankee Stadium, A-Rod apparently apologized to the team for his PED suspension. So did he just read from a copy of the same apology speech he gave in 2009?  (“It was very loose. I was young. I was stupid. I was naive. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance. And for that, I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”)

 

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Marilyn Hartman, 63, was arrested repeatedly at SFO for trying to sneak onto planes, and at LAX after flying from San Jose without a ticket. Now she’s been arrested in Florida after flying ticket-free from Minneapolis to Jacksonville, where she checked in under another guest’s name. Kind of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about TSA, doesn’t it.

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Ethan Czahor, founder of “Hipster.com“, and the new chief technology officer for Jeb Bush’s PAC,  “resigned” tonight, after removing “inappropriate” tweets from his personal account.
Those tweets, dating from 2009-10, included a number of racist and homophobic jokes, along with others that referred to women as sluts. But maybe the real recent Bush let him go?   That Czahor, who is YOUNG enough to know better, didn’t know enough not to post this sort of stuff in the first place.

And for that matter, doesn’t Jeb have anyone on his staff who knows how to use Google on potential new hires?”

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Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who calls herself the Senate’s first female “combat veteran”, is defending herself after it’s been pointed out she was a National Guard Company commander for 13 months. But her unit was never attacked nor in a firefight. Well cut her some slack, maybe Ernst’s real dream job isn’t in Washington, but in network news.

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