Posted tagged ‘Lane Kiffin jokes’

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The lights weren’t out, the party wasn’t over.

January 19, 2015

Some say God wanted the Seahawks to win. But isn’t it as likely that God was rooting for the Packers and just turned to the Colts-Patriots figuring the game was over?

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The ending of the NFC championship was bad enough Packers fans are getting sympathy cards from Cubs fans.

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Quite a number of Seahawks fans actually left with a few minutes left in the game.   Suppose that’s better than all the Packers who didn’t show up in the fourth quarter.

 

Considering how popular both the  ‪#‎Patriots‬ and ‪#‎Seahawks‬ are wonder how many Americans will fast-forward through ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ to get to commercials

 

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Will the ‪#‎Seahawks‬ vote ‪#‎Bostick‬ a ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ playoff share?

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In “prop bets” though,  who had Russell Wilson getting his first completion of the day with less than four minutes less in the second quarter?  And who had him completing more passes in the first half to the Packers than the Seahawks?

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The NFL  warned Marshawn Lynch that if he had worn gold cleats Sunday as he planned, he would have been ejected from the NFC championship game. Good to see the league once again focusing on what’s important.

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Not a Seahawks fan, but if the problem with Lynch’s gold cleats was that they might have been a distraction, why weren’t the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms declared illegal most weeks.

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Meanwhile, TC asks “Did anyone notice that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were not wearing “Bose” headsets? That has to be a $50,000 fine at least from the NFL! EACH!!!!!”

 

Indianapolis reporter Bob Kravitz tweeted “Breaking: A league source tells me the NFL is investigating the possibility the Patriots deflated footballs Sunday night. More to come.” He added that “no one is suggesting this is why Colts lost” but if true the story will just add to New England’s lovable reputation.

 

On a brighter note, at least the Colts didn’t break their fans’ hearts in the 4th quarter.

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First Jim Tomsula. Now rumors have the 49ers looking at Lane Kiffin as an offensive coordinator. And in from Ann Arbor you can almost hear a new resident giggling.

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And one thing about Lane Kiffin, he’ll have the “offensive” part down pat.

 

Tony Verna, 81, the inventor of instant replay for sports on TV, has passed away. At his funeral, wonder how many times they will review his life?

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FOX News apologized four times Saturday for recent incorrect information about Muslims in Europe- things like more than half the Muslims in France supporting ISIS, Sharia law superseding local law, there being “no-go” zones etc. Less shocking that people on FOX said these things perhaps, then that they apologized for them.

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Orange Tuesday?

October 2, 2013

President Obama could end this showdown with Boehner today by issuing an executive order saying that due to the FDA inspector furloughs all tanning salons must be shut immediately.

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I do hope Americans who support the Tea Party’s shutting down the government will show their solidarity by not using interstate highways, taking airline flights, cashing Social Security checks etc….

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The government shutdown apparently might result in the cancellation of the Air Force-Army football game this weekend. Now we’re getting serious. If by some chance this thing start affecting the NFL Americans will storm the barricades for a resolution.

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It’s not just Lane Kiffin who’s unemployed. UConn just let Paul Pasqualoni go after an 0-4 start. The number one reaction? UConn has a football team.

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The U.C. Berkeley campus was closed last night due to a power outage caused by a chemical spill and explosion. This is not be be confused with the power outage suffered last Saturday by the Cal football team at Eugene.

If this keeps up John Boehner may actually make many of us miss Newt Gingrich.

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Just wondering, when we finally end this shutdown, and we will, assume the GOP is okay with the Democrats also following the “will of the people” and shutting down the government again over gun control?

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Let’s see, the FCC is shut. Which means Jon Stewart is on the honor system not to say anything too profane this week.

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A New Jersey man is facing charges after he texted the wrong number by mistake saying he had 1/4 lb of marijuana for sale. The text ended up going to a detective… Guess that short-term memory loss includes nine-digit numbers.

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From T.C.  “Sunday’s Raiders game has been pushed back to 8:30pm due to the A’s playoff game on Saturday. Supposedly it takes over 24 hours to remove the sewage from the baseball game and replace it with fresh sewage for football.”

A Pittsburgh win in October? Since when did they start Tuesday Night Football?

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But really, the last time the Pirates were in the playoffs was 1992.    How long ago was that?   Bud Selig was saying he would soon step down as acting commissioner.  And we expected Clinton to be the next president.

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Lane, if only we barely knew ye…?

September 29, 2013

First Anthony Weiner, now Lane Kiffin. These are challenging times for comedy writers……

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USC announced early this morning that Kiffin had been “relieved of his duties.”  Of course, the school could have just said they made a “Lane change.”

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So wonder who’ll have a job again in football first? #LaneKiffin or #TimTebow?

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Much speculation on a replacement for Lane Kiffin at USC. It’s early days, but have to figure Chip Kelly might already be getting a bit nostalgic for the Pac 12….

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So who’s going to do the retrospective of the Kiffin years at USC? The Stanford Band has already volunteered for the task.

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Lane Kiffin was to college coaching what Tim Tebow is to pro quarterbacking. Well, without the charm, humility, and the miraculous ability to win a game now and then.

 

Pat Haden in July 2013: “I anticipate the media will ask me if our football coach is on the hot seat this year “Here is my answer and will be my answer whenever I’m asked: He is not. I’m behind Lane Kiffin 100 percent. I have great confidence in him. He’s a very hard-working, detail-oriented coach. He’s a dynamic playcaller, in my estimation, and he’s an exceptional recruiter. He knows USC and he knows what it takes to be successful here.”

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One bench of three seats on a crowded light rail train labeled “reserved for senior citizens and persons with disabilities.”. Three 20 something young women run and grab the seats. All blondes. No comment.

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Mitt Romney says now that a main reason he lost last November is that the Hispanic community didn’t understand his immigration stance well enough. Or maybe they understood it too well.

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Former Cleveland Browns QB Bernie Kosar was arrested for alleged DUI in Cleveland. Was Kosar trying to prove he still belongs on an active NFL roster.

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WTF is going on Pittsburgh? The #Pirates are still alive and the #Steelers are dead.

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Heard on the SF Giants radio broadcast – “a bases loaded grand slam.”. Well, it’s been a long season for everyone.

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72, 71, 84. MPH for Barry Zito’s pitches in a swinging strikeout of Kotsay for Zito’s last time on mound in SF Giants uniform. #rallyzito.

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Could have been worse. A fun way to end the season with a walkoff win for #SFGiants. #Firsttotiedforthird

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So if the Rangers or Rays somehow win the World Series, there will be how many champagne celebrations? One when they got into the wild card playoff, one if they win the wild card playoff, one for the ALDS, one for the ALCS, and one for the World Series. “You’ve just won the World Series, what are you going to do?” “I’m going to rehab.”

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If a government shutdown means furloughing all non-essential employees, what possible excuse can there be for not furloughing Congress?

Dallas 2-2, Philadelphia and Washington, 1-3, and NY 0-4. Is it too soon to rename the division the “NFC Least?”

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Light up the night?

September 8, 2013

The 2020 Olympics has been awarded to Tokyo. The city was an early favorite but has been dealing with mounting worries over the Fukushima nuclear plant. Well, on a brighter note, we could end up with the first glow-in-the-dark Olympic medals.

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In the first America’s Cup race the two boats have come within inches of each other several times. Now, that’s a way to increase viewership – demolition derby?

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During their upset lost to Miami, Florida had to burn a critical 4th quarter time out because of 12 men on the field during a PAT. Maybe this will prompt a new SEC emphasis on athletes taking math?

 

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Meanwhile, Stanford won 34-13 over San Jose State, beating the Spartans soundly but not covering the spread. Although coach David Shaw basically had the Cardinal kneel down in San Jose State territory for the last couple minutes of the game to run out the clock.

Stanford fans know  Jim Harbaugh is well and truly gone – he’d have probably called passes into the end zone and then gone for two.

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SI is planning to publish articles about alleged “inappropriate activities and actions” from 2001-2007 in Oklahoma State’s football program -including athletes being paid, drug abuse, grade changes, and hostesses providing sex to recruits. And gosh, what ever happened to the Cowboys’ coach from that time?

(For football fans who don’t follow it that closely, the coach from 2001-2004 was Les Miles. Since 2005 he has coached LSU.)

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When Irish eyes are crying: Notre Dame 30, Michigan 41.

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From Jerry Perisho:  “This season, Manti Teo’s imaginary girlfriend dates a player from Michigan.”

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Washington State 10,  USC 7.  “Gosh do we wish we had hired Lane Kiffin as our coach” said no NCAA school anywhere.

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There may be a more useless trend at games than having fans tweet random messages to put on the scoreboard. But offhand hard to think of one.

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All these GOP members of Congress waxing so poetically about our need to avoid military intervention in the Mideast. I do imagine at “The Daily Show” interns are working overtime taking notes and saving video clips for future use.

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So Dennis Rodman made another visit to his good friend Kim Jong Un. Guessing the Worm didn’t bring a copy of his ex-girlfriend Madonna’s “Sex” book.

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The 2014 Super Bowl halftime act will be… Bruno Mars? Is that because an outdoor game in winter will be too cold for the usual old farts?

Bill Littlejohn’s take on the situation: The Super Bowl halftime show will  be performed by Bruno Mars.  Fitting, because the only place likely to feel colder than the stands at the Super Bowl that day will be Mars”

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Trojan failure?

November 27, 2012

Anyone remember that Stanford opening game 20-17 football win against San Jose State? And Cardinal fans were thinking it was going to be a VERY long year. Well, guess who’s ranked #25? Yep, those San Jose State Spartans. Higher in fact, than USC.

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But really, the Spartans over the Trojans?  Shouldn’t a wooden horse be involved?

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So maybe the Philadelphia Eagles and USC Trojans save contract money by just swapping coaches? Both Andy Reid and Lane Kiffin seriously underachieved this year with their professional teams.

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UCLA’s men’s basketball team lost 70-68 on Sunday to Cal Poly (San Luis Obispo). Just as well John Wooden has passed away, otherwise this would have killed him.

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The NFL will not suspend Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh will for kicking Houston Texans QB Matt Schaub in the groin. Allegedly because they weren’t sure it was intentional. You think if it were a no-name player from a sub .500 team that the league would have cared about the distinction?

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Kyrsten Sinema, elected in a very close Arizona race, will now be Congress’s first openly bisexual member. Not to be confused with a number of Congressmen who have been known to buy sex.

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Grover Norquist said today that his Americans for Tax Reform group would work to unseat Republicans who break their pledge to never vote for higher taxes. If Norquist has this much power, how do any Democrats get re-elected?

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Apparently anyone who wants to can spend $125 a ticket- $3000 a table – plus food and drink – simply to be in the same Vegas nightclub as Kim Kardashian on New Year’s Eve. (Although Kim and friends will be in a separate VIP area.) One word – “Why?”

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A recent CNN poll indicates more than 2/3 of Americans predict that congress will handle that “fiscal cliff” like “spoiled children.” Not true. Spoiled children still often act ultimately in their own self-interest.

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A-Rod and his latest girlfriend, Torrie Wilson, a former Playboy model and professional wrestler, spent the weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. No word on the size of their suite, but presume it had plenty of mirrors.

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Anyone looking for material? On Cyber Monday, (or Cyber Tuesday, as the case may be)  my comedy writing friend Neil Berliner and I would like to announce that all our Mitt Romney jokes will be 47% off.

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T’is the season…

November 9, 2012

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a bit of a break between the election and holiday shopping season?

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Silver lining to stores increasingly planning to open on Thanksgiving: It means an excuse other than football not to talk to your relatives.

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So “The X Factor”, which purports to discover talent, is now co-hosted by Khloe Kardashian. Anyone but me find that kind of an oxymoron?

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Two rushing TD’s for Andrew Luck  Thursday night.   Who does he think he is? RG3?

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Meanwhile,  Joe Namath is the latest to publicly question why the NY Jets aren’t using Tim Tebow more often. And some Jets fans are so frustrated they’re thinking “Joe, I wanna kiss you.”

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In college football , Cal (3-7) is playing Oregon (9-0) in Berkeley this Saturday, The Ducks have outscored opponents 176-29 in the first quarter so far in 2012. So a simple tip for Bears fans who want to see a close game – get there early.

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A USC student football manager was suspended for deflating five game balls below regulation levels (which apparently makes them easier to throw) for last week’s USC-Oregon game. Insert USC ‘no real balls” joke here:

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Guess the media is still getting used to slower news days after the election. A CNN.com headline – “Thanksgiving planes likely to be full.” (Uh, can anyone remember a year when they weren’t?”)

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Today in Florida and Ohio, millions of residents discovered  they are actually HAPPY to turn on the television and see used-car commercials.

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USC coach Lane Kiffin now insists publicly that a student-manager who intentionally deflated footballs (to make them easier for Matt Barkley to throw) against Oregon, acted completely on his own. Wonder if Kiffin added privately “Wish I’d thought of that before we played Stanford.”

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NY Jets CB Antonio Cromartie guaranteed the Jets will be playing in the 2012 postseason. What, like he guaranteed the eight mothers of his children that he wouldn’t get them pregnant?

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Las Vegas casino owner Sheldon Adelson spent more than $54 million on losing races Tuesday, mostly on the Presidential election. Wonder how tight his slot machines will be this weekend to make up for it?

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From my friend Tom Dodd:  Wouldn’t it be much more efficient if the Presidential Election were simply staged in Ohio, which always seems to represent the final result anyway? It would save a lot of money and fuel, and the rest of the country could avoid the bombardment of campaign ads for that office.

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Talk to me?

September 18, 2012

Friends of Amanda Bynes are reportedly worried about her, one told TMZ he saw her on several occasions having long conversations with inanimate objects. But maybe Amanda’s fine, she’s just auditioning for a part in the next Clint Eastwood movie?

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The author of “50 Shades of Gray,” E.L. James, who has 15 and 17 year old boys, says the books are her “fantasies writ large.” And you think your mother was embarrassing when you were a teenager…

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USC coach Lane Kiffin said that Matt Barkley made two “really poor decisions” in the Stanford game, but also that the offensive line “did have the most missed assignments we ever had anywhere we’ve been.” Way to have your team’s back, Lane.

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President Obama will appear on the Kansas ballot after a state board ended its birth certificate probe. Not because of evidence, but because the “birther” dropped his suit, saying he had been threatened. Kind of makes you see why the state doesn’t teach evolution.

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Blue Jays shortstop Yunel Escobar apparently wore eye black during a game against the Red Sox with a gay slur spelled out on it. MLB is looking into the incident . If Escobar doesn’t get fined for the slur, he should be fined for being stupid enough to put it in writing.

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Classes were evacuated at LSU due to a bomb threat. Fortunately, that didn’t affect any of the football players.

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A librarian claims she lost 76 pounds in two years by only eating at Starbucks. Makes sense, how many calories could she afford?

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Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine, regarding his “weakest roster in the history of baseball” comment, now says “that wasn’t meant to be a criticism of any players or anything in the organization.” I think I like “was pushed into a lifeboat” better.

 

 

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What is it about men from Massachusetts running campaigns for President (who aren’t named Kennedy)?  – Mitt Romney at a private fundraiser: “There are 47 % who will vote for the president no matter what, who are dependent on govt no matter what, that they are victims, who believe that govt. has the responsibility to care for them. Who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing….”

(way to go after that Florida senior vote.)

 

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More about  comment on the 47% percent of Americans who pay no federal income tax – “I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.”    Wonder how many in that category are rich folks with REALLY good accountants and offshore accounts?

 

 

 

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And who saw this coming?

September 16, 2012

 

 

Is it really an upset when a college team defeats another for the fourth year in a row? Just asking?

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Wonder if Lane Kiffin has already started looking for his next opportunity to underachieve?

 

 

My son heard this from Erin Andrews post-game on ESPN – “Stanford students are really smart but they won’t be going to class tomorrow after celebrating all night…” You can’t put anything past those University of Florida graduates.

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Wonder if USC can take solace is that Stanford only beat the Trojans by four points more than they beat San Jose State.

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Meanwhile the MVP for Ohio State today may be Cal’s field goal kicker.

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Question of the night. What was more unlikely? Stanford beating USC tonight? Or the SF Giants being 8-0 in Barry Zito’s last eight starts?

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No comment: Rick Santorum at a Values Voter Summit today – “We will never have the elite, smart people on our side.”

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Now Italian and Irish magazines announce plans to print those topless pictures of Kate. In the U.S., women think “This is outrageous,” men think “When can we see them?”

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Until death or reality do us part.

November 1, 2011

Congrats to V.P. Joe Biden’s daughter Ashley, who announced her engagement today. The happy couple will set a wedding date as soon as they convince Dad that really, the father of the bride doesn’t HAVE to give a speech.

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The Lions not only crushed the Broncos, they mocked Tim Tebow, and Ndamukong Suh said “Evil prevails.” Some think God might get them for that. But God just smiled and said three words – “Winter in Detroit.”

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Kim Kardashian is expected to file for divorce today from her husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries. I have posted something like this before but have to say it again: And this is the kind of traditional marriage some in the GOP say is “America’s most important institution,” and want to pass an amendment to protect?

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But really? 72 days?!! Guess Kim and Kris had to wait for for the E! TV special of their $10 million wedding to air earlier this month.

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My friend Alex Kaseberg said the marriage “couldn’t take that dreaded seven-week itch.”

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Tom Tolbert pointed out today on KNBR that Kris and Kim pocketed over $18 million dollars from various media in their their brief marriage, most of it for the rights to their televised wedding. (Similar numbers were reported by the U.K. Guardian.) Even if Tolbert’s numbers were off by a bit that’s the most money for a quickly regretted contract since JaMarcus Russell signed with the Raiders.

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But okay, there were signs this might not last -like in the gift registry where there was allegedly a note at the bottom, if they split up do you want your gift to stay with Kris or Kim?

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At least Kim can keep the monogrammed “K K” towels.

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Still mad about not getting a time out called at the end of regulation Saturday night against Stanford, USC coach Lane Kiffin is railing against the officials and saying he was “deceived.” Kiffin’s former employers are just giggling.

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Well, USC isn’t bowl eligible, so maybe Kiffin is trying to show that while his team can’t have the Roses, they can at least have the Whine.-
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Lane Kiffen even quoted Knox, his 2-year-old son, as knowing more than the officials. Many longtime Kiffin watchers are laying odds that Knox is already more mature about losing than his daddy.

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Late night update, the Pac 12 has just fined Lane Kiffin $10,000 for criticizing the officials. $10,000?! Wow, when Reggie Bush was at USC that was almost a full game’s salary.

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Tony La Russa is retiring as the manager of the St. Louis Cardinals. Actually, he really retired a couple days ago, but he tried to announce the decision by phone.

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Ever the intellectual, Tony LaRussa said that one of his post retirement plans might be opening a bookstore. Asked some of his current and former players – “What’s a bookstore?”

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C.C. Sabathia signed a 5 year, $122 million contract with the Yankees. That’s probably enough to feed him AND his family.

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From Marc Ragovin: So the Mets announced that they are bringing in the walls and lowering the fences at Citi Field. Now if they will only hide the scoreboard

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Rep. Jackie Speier (D-San Mateo) says she is trying to feed herself this week on only 4.50 a day, which is what most people on food stamps get each day. While it’s an interesting experiment, I’d rather see those in Congress try to live long-term with only the healthcare plans available to most Americans.

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The ring’s the thing?

February 4, 2011

At the buzzer – Spurs 89, Lakers 88. All the hype this year about Kobe and Lebron, and it’s quite possible neither of them take home a ring. (The only people upset about this outside of Miami and Los Angeles are television executives.)

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The Packers and Steelers are two of the only six NFL teams that do not have their own cheerleaders. So for the first time since Super Bowl II, the game will not have any cheerleaders. This news disappointed millions of men and about two women.

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Bob Griese, 65, has announced his retirement from broadcasting after 29 years. Wonder how many people have anonymously forwarded this story to Terry Bradshaw?

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Sarah Palin has declined an invitation to speak annual Conservative Political Action Conference later in February, despite the fact that almost every other Republican running for President in 2012 will be there. Actually makes sense in a way, with all the other candidates there, it won’t be all about Sarah.

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The Republicans have dropped controversial language in an anti-abortion bill that would have greatly narrowed the definition of rape. The wording had been known privately as the Roethlisberger codicil.

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Since the alleged victim in the most recent sexual assault case was a young woman who wasn’t legally old enough to drink, think we can safely assume that if the Steelers win Sunday, we won’t hear the commercial with Big Ben saying  “I’m going to Disneyland.”

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Giants closer Brian Wilson has decided to go back on Twitter. And manager Bruce Bochy has just upped his standing single malt scotch order for his office.

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The NCAA indicated they will sanction Tennessee’s football program for violations under former coach Lane Kiffin, and will also cite Kiffin himself, who has moved on to USC. The Trojans are already on probation, but wonder how long after Kiffin leaves they will be punished further for what he is doing now.

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But seriously, Lane Kiffin has never had a really successful season as a coach, he has left messes to clean up at every job he leaves, and he keeps getting better and better positions.  Either the man knows where the bodies are buried, or he has some really incriminating pictures.

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Ralphs Grocery has pleaded no contest to overcharging customers for prepackaged and weighed products at stores in Los Angeles. Apparently the packages weighed considerably less than what they stated on the label. And thousands of women heard this story and responded,  “Oh, I must have the same scale Ralph’s does.”

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Egyptian President Mubarak says if he resigns “there will be chaos. And we thought former President  George W. Bush was out of touch with reality.

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As the situation in Egypt deteriorates and the violence against journalists escalates, anyone up for taking a collection to pay for personal coverage from Cairo by Glenn Beck?

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Vacations, probations, etc…

August 9, 2010

The First Lady is taking some heat for this trip to Spain with Sasha. But hey, her daughter is probably taking Spanish in school and Michelle wanted to take her somewhere where they speak the language.

Of course, the GOP would argue in that case it would have been cheaper just to go to Los Angeles.

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All these Republicans complaining about the first lady’s European vacation…. I guess they feel the Obamas should act like a real American family and buy a multimillion dollar Texas ranch or Maine compound for their summer vacations.
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This week a California company recalled over one million pounds of ground beef. Worried savvy consumers are flocking to Jack in the Box – it’s one place they can be assured there is no beef in those hamburgers.

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The University of Tennessee is under investigation from the Lane Kiffin days for allegedly hiring attractive women to serve as hostess for recruits. Regarding these hostesses, there are pictures of them with players and recruits that have been widely circulated, yet, Kiffin says after practice at USC “that the investigation won’t find any wrongdoing.”

Yep, I can see why the Trojans thought he was a worthy successor to Pete Carroll.

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-from reader T.C.

Plaxico Burress has applied for a work release from prison. No word on whether he plans on working for the Cincinnati Bengals or the Washington Wizards.

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In the CFL (Canadian Football League) the Toronto Argonauts, with a history of being doormats, are actually 4 and 2. Which means maybe there’s hope for the NFL Detroit Lions? Okay, let’s not get carried away.

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In the Little League World Series, not only will they be using instant reply, the managers will be allowed to challenge calls on force outs, tags, missed bases and hit batsmen. Well, it’s good to see baseball deciding to get the important games right.

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The Chicago Cubs are coming to play the San Francisco Giants this week. Now, okay, I understand if you were born in Chicago and became a Cubs fan. But I have met many fans over the years from all over the U.S. who just adopted the Cubs as their team.

Why not just wear a t-shirt saying “I am a masochist.”

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The New York Mets added a couple Triple-A players to their roster on Saturday, and released Alex Cora. But really, the way New York is playing, can we really refer to it as a call up from the minors? Seems more like a lateral move to me.

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Bristol Palin said that the reason she ended her second engagement to Levi Johnston is that Levi was “obsessed with the limelight.” Added her mother Sarah, “Yeah, thats MY job.”

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President Obama played basketball today with some current and former NBA stars in an exhibition game in Washington to entertain wounded troops. Apparently Obama had thought of giving them tickets to Washington Wizards games, but then decided that the troops had suffered enough.

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The Mourning after….

January 21, 2010

Who knew, the “Hangover” could turn out to be a Democratic documentary for the day after the Massachusetts special election?

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At one point in her Senate campaign, Martha Coakley referred to Red Sox World Series hero Curt Schilling as a “Yankees fan.” In retrospect, that may have been when many voters in effect told her to “put a bloody sock in it.”
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At least Coakley wasn’t asked about Bobby Orr. She might have made some comment about rowing.

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John McCain’s wife Cindy has decided to come out against Proposition 8, the anti-gay marriage initiative in California. In a new ad, Cindy is wearing duct tape across her mouth. Just think of what could have happened had her husband’s campaign tried that strategy with Sarah Palin.
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Tiger Woods now apparently says he’s a “sex addict.” So what’s the difference between a sex addict and most men? Means and opportunity.

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Gavin Newsom gave an interview to Maureen Dowd of the New York Times saying he planned to leave politics in 2012. Later, he called the reporter to say he was “just kidding.” Who knows with the mercurial San Francisco mayor? Maybe he’ll end up playing quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.

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Now it turns out that besides having a mediocre record at Tennessee and leaving after only a year, Lane Kiffin also wrecked the Lexus loaned to him by the university. Guess this assures that Coach Kiffin will go down in Volunteer history as “Rocky Flop.”

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No NHL team with at least seven players chosen to various Olympic teams has ever won the Stanley Cup. The Sharks have eight players going to Vancouver this year. Well, I guess that streak is safe.

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Four of the Sharks are playing for Canada. If Canada wins the gold, San Jose may ask that the NHL playoffs next year be moved up to February.

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More weaving in and out of a Lane…

January 15, 2010

So while Lane Kiffin’s dad, Monte, is much respected around the NFL, Lane himself has had a series of short term jobs with results that have been mediocre at best. Yet he keeps finding new high profile positions. This is scary, could it be a long range plan to have Kiffin end up as U.S. President?

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Since he bolted for USC after one scandal-plagued, expensive, mediocre year, Tennessee fans and students are referring to Lane Kiffin as a “whore.” Not true, whores generally provide value for money.

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UCLA offensive coordinator Norm Chow has said he is happy with the Bruins and will not join Lane Kiffin’s staff at USC. Translation, he might as well wait a year until the top Trojan job becomes available when Kiffin leaves to go somewhere else.

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Kiffin himself said of his leaving Tennessee to take the job with USC – “I really believe this is the only place I would have left to go.” If he keeps up with the results he has had in the last three jobs, there may not be ANY place he has left to go.

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Ben Burnett suggests that with his record, the logical place for Kiffin to end up is…Oakland, in a few years Al Davis will have forgotten who he is anyway.

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Gilbert Arenas has been charged with a felony for carrying an unlicensed gun. Prosecutors decided on this charge because there is no law for felony stupidity.

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The New York Mets are reportedly angry at Carlos Beltran for having knee surgery this week without getting a second opinion from their team doctors. The Mets wanted Beltran to consider waiting until the season was over, as in September.

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Carly Fiorina called Barbara Boxer a “failed senator.” Well, if anyone knows about failure it’s the woman who was fired both from Hewlett Packard AND John McCain’s presidential campaign.
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commie pinko time.

Open question to all Republicans who want Harry Reid to resign over his comments on Obama’s skin color and dialect – Who’s going to be the first to decry Rush Limbaugh’s comments that President Obama will use the crisis in Haiti to “boost his credibility with the black community?”

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A good week for idiots.

January 14, 2010

Pat Robertson has said that the horrific earthquake in Port au Prince is somehow the result of past misdeeds of the Haitian people. Which leads to a question – what misdeeds did the American people do in the past that we ended up with Pat Robertson?

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Goose Goosage said that PED users should not be allowed in the Baseball Hall of Fame, because it’s all about “integrity.” Right, players like Ty Cobb and Gaylord Perry.

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At least Gaylord Perry isn’t making a speech about integrity.

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-warning, bad pun alert –
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Tennessee Volunteers fans are furious at their now former football coach Lane Kiffin, who bolted for USC after only a year. Some are hoping the university can prove he violated his contract, which means he could be charged with an “illegal Lane change.”

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A joke from the very funny Jim Barach, with a followup effort of my own.

NBC says it will lose money broadcasting the Winter Olympics. But the network feels at home with winter sports, because they are proving that nobody is faster at going downhill.

Of course, they can always tape delay coverage and put it in the 10p slot.

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Tennessee Titans’ running back Chris Johnson won the NFL’s Offensive Player of the Year. As opposed to the Oakland Raiders JaMarcus Russell, whose play was ranked the NFL’s Most Offensive.

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Sephora is advertising free samples of Kim Kardashian’s “Eau de Toilette.” Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call it “Eau de Toilet?”

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Alexandre Burrows of the Vancouver Canucks claimed that referee Stephane Auger called penalties on him as payback for being “shown up” in a previous game. The NHL investigated and found the accusations to be unfounded. But Burrows did get a call from Al Davis asking if he’d considered a post-hockey job in the Raiders organization.

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