Posted tagged ‘Roger Goodell jokes’

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Business as usual

November 22, 2015

Statisticians everywhere would like to thank the Washington Redskins today for so beautifully illustrating for the lay person the concept of “regression to the mean.”

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Rob Ryan, on NFL Network, discussing his firing by the Saints: “Everything in New Orleans is being blamed on me, including Katrina,” Who knew it was possible to make brother Rex look like the classy one?

 

In the midst of a year with plenty of controversy over officiating, Roger Goodell says that the NFL is considering mixing and matching crews on a weekly basis to reduce inconsistencies. Well, it’s a shame the league doesn’t make enough money to hire full time officials.

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In Madison, Badgers fans were reportedly throwing snowballs at the team’s cheerleaders during their game against Northwestern. Can only imagine what fans were throwing at the refs, after two potential last-minute game-winning Wisconsin TD’s were overturned.

 

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, making a distinction between DFS  (like Draft Kings) and year long fantasy football – “We love people who are going to engage in the game and have fun with it. It’s not about making money. It’s about enjoying the game and enjoying the team, enjoying the players you pick.”
Wow, and Goodell said this with a straight face.

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Cal’s Jared Goff is projected as probably the first QB who will be taken in this year’s NFL draft. And as far as getting that top pick – the 49ers, Raiders and Chargers are doing their best to ensure Goff will probably stay in California.

 

Marco Rubio has released his first nationwide campaign ad, in which he says – “What happened in Paris could happen here. There is no middle ground.” Sigh. I guess we can kiss “shining city on the hill” and “kindler gentler nation” goodbye.

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Three flights in the US and Canada this week were diverted over suspicious behavior and bomb threats. Waiting to see which airline is the first to turn this heightened security into a new fee.

 

 

Anyone but me still a bit getting used to seeing the Cincinnati Bengals leading their division in anything but arrests? ‪

 

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Donald Trump retweeted a graphic showing crime statistics on killings of whites and blacks that was simply flat out wrong, for example, it said 81% of whiles are killed by blacks, when the FBI numbers are 15%, and that blacks killed by whites were 2%, when the numbers are 7%. But really, why should the Donald start caring about facts now?

 

Rush Limbaugh said on “Fox News Sunday” that Ben Carson was “probably not” qualified to be president. “Probably?”

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On United.com,  United Airlines has a “Thanksgiving Week” travel notice – “Please allow extra time at the airport.” Really? What was their first clue?

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T.C. Chong, with a bus-to-hell Thanksgiving week thought,  “Why are there no important shopping days named “Yellow Friday” or “Indian Friday” or “Caucasian Friday”?

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On a lighter note, how can you not love the Belgians?   http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/22/national-emergency-belgians-respond-with-cats

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Ball bustered?

May 12, 2015

Tom Brady has been suspended four games for “Deflate-gate.” So which reporter wants to take his/her life into their hands and ask Giselle what she thinks of it?

 

 

 

Four game suspension for Tom Brady. Does this mean Roger Goodell is playing hardball?

 

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So I guess when it comes to ‪#‎Patriots‬ coach and GM ‪#‎BillBelichick‬ ignorance IS an excuse. ‪#‎Saints‬ ‪#‎Ignoranceisnoexcuse‬ ‪#‎SeanPayton‬

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Last game of Brady’s suspension – against the Dallas Cowboys. His first start of 2015 will thus be against the Indianapolis Colts. Who are thinking…. the NFL couldn’t have just made it four games starting AFTER the season opener?

 

Meanwhile, Aaron Hernandez, already serving a life sentence without possibility of parole, has now been charged with trying to silence a witness in a double murder case against him by shooting him in the face and leaving him for dead. In addition to being charged with those two murders.

If Hernandez isn’t careful Roger Goodell will really throw the book at him.

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Reports say that Chris Christie spent $82,000 at Jets/Giants games at MetLife Stadium between 2010 and 2011. Well, to be fair, at NFL prices that’s probably only a few dozen beers.

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Fox has announced that American Idol’s next season will be its last. Shocking. American Idol is still on?

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Ryan Seacrest is being asked by many in the media how he feels about American Idol’s impending cancellation. Surprised he isn’t answering “You’ll find out after the break.”

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Breaking headline Monday “George Zimmerman involved in shooting in Florida, police say” So congratulations to all those who had May 11 in the pool.

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As part of Carly Fiorina’s Presidential campaign she is touting her leadership experience at Hewlett Packard. Isn’t that like JaMarcus Russell touting his leadership experience with the Oakland Raiders?-

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So I’ve made jokes about one-and-done basketball players not being able to count. But hey, after yesterday’s Bulls-Cavs game most of them are thinking “Well we can at least count to SIX.” ‪#‎DavidBlatt‬ ‪#‎timeout‬

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Apparently Cleveland coach David Blatt had something different in mind for the end of yesterday’s playoff game, but LeBron James said ““The play that was drawn up, I scratched. I just told coach, just give me the ball” “Damn, you can DO that!?” said Marshawn Lynch.

 

 

“Reality TV Star” Kristin Cavallari just announced she is expecting her 3rd child with Jay Cutler. So sounds like the Chicago QB at least is completing some passes at home.

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Worthy punishments?

September 16, 2014

So if all these players are so big on whipping as appropriate discipline maybe it’s time to stop the fines and suspensions for various NFL transgressions and move to public floggings.

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Breaking news.  Adrian Peterson has just been placed on the “exempt” list by the Vikings and the NFL, which means he cannot take part in team activities “for the time being.” Translation, until it costs us more to have him sit than to have him play.

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Roger Goodell announced yesterday that he has appointed three women as “senior advisers,” And that they will “help lead and shape the NFL’s policies and programs relating to domestic violence and sexual assault,” Did Goodell get the idea from Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”

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So when they put out the NFL injury report each week for bettors and fantasy football players, how long until the league starts combining it with an arrest report?

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The University of Miami’s QB of the future Kevin Olsen is no longer enrolled at the school, after his THIRD suspension from the football program. This time for a DUI with 5 fake driver’s licenses. Is it too soon to start a pool as to which SEC school will give him another chance?

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Major NFL sponsor Anheuser-Busch says they are ”disappointed and increasingly concerned” by recent incidents. And that they have shared their concerns and expectations with the league. When you give a beer company the moral high ground, you know you have a problem.

 

 

Reggie Bush, on parenting “I have a 1-year-old daughter, and I discipline her.. I definitely will try to, will obviously not leave bruises or anything like that on her. But I definitely will discipline her harshly depending on, again, on what the situation is.” When asked directly about using a switch, Bush said, “I would possibly consider [it], depending on what she did.” He later added “”No, I didn’t say a branch or a stick,” he said. “I said spanking. Spanking is different than a branch or a stick.”

Wow. Is the NFL going for the “excuse all our players because they have had concussions” defense?

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Rush Limbaugh “How many guys, in your own experience with women, have learned that no means yes if you know how to spot it?.. ” Is this Rush’s way of trying to take the negative spotlight off his friend Roger Goodell?

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Sen. Maria Cantwell today announced she would introduce legislation to remove the NFL’s tax exempt status if the league did not put pressure on the Washington Redskins to change their team name. Because the Senate doesn’t have anything better to do?

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The Browns’ Josh Gordon is currently under a season long 16 game suspension for marijuana. But new rule changes are expected to reduce the suspension to 10 games. On the other hand, Gordon just pleaded guilty to a DUI, which would be a 2 game suspension. So, 16 minus 6, plus 2. Who says NFL players don’t need to know math?

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Going down to wire of Sept. ‪#‎MLB‬ playoff chases, it’s really great to see traditional rivalry games like… the Pirates vs Red Sox? ‪#‎thanksfornothingSelig‬

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The Yankees’ Martin Prado had to have an appendectomy this morning. Stand by for the ESPN report on Derek Jeter’s reaction.

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This month, alas,  the NFL seems to be trying to prove Earl Warren wrong? “I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people’s accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man’s failures. ”

 

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Both the Nationals and the Orioles have clinched their baseball divisions. Standby for the GOP accusing Obama of being at fault for the resulting increased traffic.

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Broken family values

September 13, 2014

Mark Sanford has broken off his engagement to his Argentinian fiancee. So did he tell her “Happy Trails”?

 

Or did he tell her to take a hike?

 

 

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Los Angeles Dodgers’ pitcher Hyun-Jin  left Fridays’  game against the  ‪#‎SFGiants‬ after the first inning with shoulder irritation. Did he hurt it twisting around watching ‪#‎Giants‬ run bases?

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This isn’t an ‪#‎NFL‬ season, it’s a remake of “The Longest Yard” ‪#‎RayRice‬ ‪#‎AdrianPeterson‬ ‪#‎RayMcDonald‬

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Roger Goodell  has been so focused on making it a No Fun League when maybe he should have been focused on having a No Felons League . ‪ #NFL

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So how long until Bud Selig and MLB start marketing baseball as “the sport where only baseballs get hit.”?

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In a new survery, 55% of Americans said they do not believe Roger Goodell’s statement that “to his knowledge, no one in the league offices saw the video of the incident until Monday.” 21% had no opinion and 24% believe him. And somewhere in Nigeria princes are salivating over that 24%.

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My friend Alex B. points out that as of yesterday, NFL.com still had Ladies’ Ray Rice Baltimore Ravens Jerseys on sale through their website. Now there’s a potential Christmas gift that could make a vacuum cleaner look sensitive by comparison.

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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, seeking treatment for a tumor, has withdrawn his re-election bid for mayor. Hoping he recovers. But it’s already tragic news, for comedy writers.

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The Orioles’ Chris Davis was suspended 25 games for using amphetamines, He says “I made a mistake by taking Adderall. I had permission to use it in the past, but do not have a therapeutic use exemption this year.” But the MLB drug agreement only results in followup testing for the 1st stimulant violation, the 2nd brings the suspension. And Davis still couldn’t figure out a way to get a new exemption? The 25 games is as much for stupidity as drugs.

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Oscar Pistorius was at least found guilty of “culpable homicide” in the shooting death of his girlfriend, (the equivalent of voluntary manslaughter.)    Although no doubt some think “If only the young woman had been armed.”

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You are asleep and you wake up because you hear a scary noise. What’s the first thing you do if you are married or in a relationship where you share a bed? Uh, look over to your partner to say “did you hear that?” Maybe wake them up. But nobody doesn’t even look. Even Los Angeles juries have to be shaking their heads on the Pistorius trial.

 

A major investor claims that Olive Garden servers need to cut down on bringing out free breadsticks, because “after sitting just 7 minutes, the breadsticks deteriorate in quality.” Bringing to mind the question, “How low can you go?”

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From Bill Littlejohn  “Looks like former FBI Chief Robert S. Mueller III is gathering people from all about to run a spread offense against Roger Goodell, the NFL, and what appears to be a Cover 4 Defense..”

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Decisions, decisions.

September 11, 2014

In South Africa, verdicts can take two days. And in Thursday’s’s first day of the verdict in the Oscar Pistorius trial the judge says Pistorius is not guilty of murder. Wonder if she grew up in Los Angeles?  Or if she wants to move there.

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In San Francisco, 49ers announcer Ted Robinson on KNBR-AM said Monday about Janay Rice, “How does she marry him after that? How does she go in front of Goodell? That’s pathetic to me.” And Robinson got suspended two games. The same original suspension Rice got…….

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So Ray MacDonald plays after his domestic violence arrest, as Aldon Smith did after his DUI arrest and announcer Ted Robinson gets suspended for his insensitive comments. So is the lesson here in the SF football world, we’ll give you due process on whatever you do as long as you keep your mouth shut?

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Indiana Pacers star Paul George “I don’t condone hittin women or think it’s coo BUT if SHE ain’t trippin then I ain’t trippin.. Lets keep it movin lol let that man play!” So where’s the app that says “You are a public figure, do you REALLY want to post that?”

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Tough Thursday night NFL game for women #SteelersRavens. – the team supporting the alleged rapist against the team that supported the wife beater.

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Now according to OTL, several sources are saying Ray Rice told Roger Goodell in June that he had punched his fiancee in an elevator, and “that he was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again.”. Though the NFL commissioner just said “when we met with Ray Rice and his representatives, it was ambiguous about what actually happened.” Hard to believe, but Rice may come out of this looking better than Goodell.

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So is there a 2014 unwritten rule that in Northern California one baseball team must s*ck at all times? #SFGiants #As

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Bud Selig today, asked about the Rice/ Goodell situations says that a domestic violence “has been discussed (by MLB), because we’re sensitive to all issues.” Right, another of Selig’s “blue ribbon committees.” Amazed the man hasn’t strained an arm patting himself so hard on the back.

 

Paloaltoonline.com notes that Stanford football is “not ready to push the panic button” after last week’s loss to USC. And based on last week, if the Cardinal offense got close to the panic button, they probably couldn’t hit it.

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Kanye West went to a hospital emergency room in Australia for “a pretty intense migraine.” About as big a headache as many Americans get hearing about him and Kim?

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Sarah Palin on the mess in the Mideast. “War is hell. So go big or go home, Mr. President. Big means bold, confident, wise assurance from a trustworthy Commander-in-Chief that it shall be worth it. Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.” And just imagine, John McCain wanted this woman to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency.

 

A 6th-grade teacher in D.C. will apologize to students for asking them to draw comparisons between George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler. So they think she should have asked for comparisons between Cheney and Hitler?

(And yes, I know what she did was flat out wrong as a teacher and she should be reprimanded. Teachers should be held to a higher standard. Joke-writers on the other hand…..)

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All the commissioner’s men?

September 10, 2014

40 + years after Watergate and folks still haven’t figured out, coverups are almost always worse than the crime. From the AP: ” A law enforcement official says he sent a video of Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee to an NFL executive three months ago, while league officers have insisted they didn’t see the violent images until this week. The person played The Associated Press a 12-second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9 confirming the video arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: “You’re right. It’s terrible.”

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This #RayRice #Goodell mess shows what comes of allowing openly heterosexual men in the #NFL

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So the NFL may soon be looking for a new toady to do the owners’ bidding at all times. “I’m available soon” said Bud Selig.

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Roger Goodell says his job is not on the line. Because the NFL commissioner doesn’t think there is any video of him looking at the Ray Rice elevator video?

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Got to love targeted ads. I’ve been posting enough on Ray Rice that now I’m getting Facebook ads about men who are looking for girlfriends…..

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Scotland is voting on declaring independence from the United Kingdom next week. Whether it works or not maybe someone can give the instructions for such a referendum to Texas Governor Rick Perry.

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Jeremy Lin apparently pranked people last month at Madame Tussaud’s by pretending to be a wax statue. Even so Lin looked more mobile than James Harden.

 

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Five casinos in Atlantic City have closed or are planning to close by November of this year. And today Chris Christie announced he will issue a directive to allow sports betting in New Jersey. And they say President Obama is slow to react in a crisis.

 

The former Senior VP for ticket sales for the NY Mets is suing co-owner Jeff Wilpon of discriminating against her because she was having a baby without being married. But really, what was she thinking? That kind of behavior should be reserved for the players

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A new study links benzodiazepines like Xanax and Valium with dementia. Great, one more thing to feel anxious about.

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Budweiser is apparently testing a new campaign to allow people to send vouchers for free Bud Light on Facebook. Cool, now when people get in heated arguments on threads, they can be drunk too.

 

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Justin Bieber stripped down to his underwear during a NY Fashion Week event, to boos and some cheers. The cheers presumably were “Put it on, put it on, put it ALL back on.”

 

 

Wow. Client asks me for the latest flight of the day out of D.C. to her chosen destination. I suggest a flight at 729p. She says, great, but is there a later flight in case I miss it? #facepalm

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Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday at his portrait unveiling in Sacramento. “I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to do in office.” Everything or everyone?

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A new wrinkle in time?

September 9, 2014

 

In Northern California, they are hunting a mountain lion who apparently injured a 6 year old boy on a popular hiking trail. Officials said the cougar ambushed the boy “as if he was prey.” Uh, AS IF?.

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William and Kate are expecting another baby. Makes sense, now that Prince George is over a year old, they need another royal up in the middle of the night to keep Harry company.

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Apple’s new $349 smart watch acts as a remote control, a mobile payment device, and a pulse monitor. But can it tell time?

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Apparently a long-lost collection of Dr. Seuss stories is hitting the bookstores today. No doubt some in the younger generation are asking “Who’s Dr. Seuss?” And still others are asking “what’s a bookstore?”

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Seems like only a few days ago that the biggest PR worry the #NFL had was dealing with the #MichaelSam “distraction.”

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Since the #NFL tries to monetize everything how long until we have a Fantasy Football League with points scored based on suspensions and arrests?

 

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Perhaps a bright spot in the whole #RayRice saga is that people are paying attention. Back when Lawrence Phillips beat up his ex-girlfriend and was dragging her down the stairs by her hair when someone interceded, Nebraska coach Tom Osborn let him play in the national championship, And three NFL teams, including the 49ers signed him, despite more off-field “troubles” including a second arrest (and a no contest plea) for assaulting a woman.

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On a bright note for #NY sports the #RayRice situation has knocked Eli Manning and the Giants s*cking off the front page.

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I feel somewhat sorry for Janay Palmer, who is now angry at the MEDIA for turning her life into a “horrible nightmare.” There’s a lot that s*cks (technical term) about being a public figure. But the media didn’t knock her out in that elevator.

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Kentucky coach John Calipari is reportedly organizing a two-day scouting combine featuring Wildcat players only for NBA teams. Wonder if someone asked him if the combine would conflict with classes. (“Classes”?)

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Nicole Kidman recently said that the celebrity hacked photos story is “very superficial” and “why that would even make news astounds me, but a lot of what makes the news astounds me. I do think we need to be talking about the violence in the world, in terms of Iraq, violence towards women, education and women, what’s happening in Afghanistan.” Well, she got her wish on the “violence towards women” part.

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A preliminary investigation shows that Malaysia Airlines flight 17 was likely struck by multiple “high-energy objects from outside the aircraft,” which caused it to crash. What was their first clue?

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A picture may not be worth a thousand words

September 8, 2014

But it sure can end an NFL career.

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TMZ posted a video this morning of Ray Rice knocking his fiancee out in the elevator, which has provoked new outrage over Rice’s light punishment And Roger Goodell and the NFL claim they never saw it until now. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.

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So yeah, makes perfect sense. The NFL reviews video tape in enough detail to know if someone is wearing the wrong brand of socks, but they claim they didn’t look at an available video involving alleged domestic violence. #priorities

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Now that the Ray Rice video is out no doubt other NFL players will think seriously about changing their lives. Starting by taking surveillance cameras out of their homes?

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“Fox & Friends” host co-host Brian Kilmeade said today that the lesson to be learned from the Ray Rice video was “take the stairs.” Scary thing is that a lot of NFL players probably think he is right.

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Not sure when and if Ray Rice will return to the NFL. But wonder how long it will take the now former Ravens RB to get a call from “Celebrity Boxing.”

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Wonder if Ray Rice’s wife knew he’d end up cut from the Ravens and suspended from the NFL if she’d have still married him?

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All aboard the bus to hell. At least NY Giants fans don’t have to worry about Eli Manning being arrested for domestic violence. 1. Archie raised him right. 2. If Eli DID throw a punch at a woman, no doubt it would be intercepted.

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Olive Garden just announced they will sell a ‘never-ending pasta pass’ for $100, which will allow buyers to eat as much of any of 150 pasta dishes they want once a day, every single day, between September 22 and November 9. Along with free breadsticks, soup and salad bar. Does the pass also come with a free diabetes test at the end?

 

Mets are basically eliminated from the postseason, the Yankees are getting close, and the Giants looked awful tonight. So in New York they’re thinking TGFR – “Thank God for The Raiders.”

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Raiders players said there was no need to panic after their season-opening loss to the Jets. Makes sense, many Raiders fans were panicked BEFORE the season started.

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Marin Cilic beat Kei Nishikori in Monday’s men’s singles final at the U.S. Open. And no doubt U.S television ratings were as great as a PGA tournament with neither Tiger, Phil or even Rory in contention.

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The wooden Colossus roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain was closed for renovation a few weeks ago, today it caught fire and partially collapsed. Now that’s a potential thrill ride..

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More why there is no satire: Hartselle, Alabama, is the largest dry city in the state. And their mayor, Don Hall, has said he opposes the sale of booze within city limits. Last Friday Hall was arrested, driving back from a neighboring town, for alleged DUI….

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It’s rather silly to have a magic number for a potential one-game postseason. This having been said, the #SFGiants magic number for a playoff spot is 15.

 

 

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How many reasons?

August 15, 2014

Texas Governor Rick Perry, was indicted on two charges relating to his efforts to force the resignation of a local district attorney. Wonder if the prosecutor couldn’t think of a third charge?

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Mo’Ne Davis threw a two-hit shutout for Philadelphia at Little League World Series today. Wonder how long it will take her to get a try-out with the Phillies.

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Police at Madrid’s airport arrested a 43-year-old woman for allegedly trying to smuggle to 3.7 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. What was their first clue? Really REALLY perky breasts?

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Notre Dame says they expect to suspend four football players, who allegedly violated the university’s honor code by receiving improper help on classwork. Many other college football players are shocked. Notre Dame players have classwork?

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Apparently Roger Goodell is now claiming he wanted to suspend Ray Rice for more than two games but didn’t feel he could do so due to precedent. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.

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NY Mets manager Terry Collins says he told Matt Harvey, who he thought was working too hard on his rehab, to “back off” and that Harvey’s season is over. Makes sense. So is the Mets’.

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The man who invented the “pop-up” ad in the 90s has now apologized for creating it. Shouldn’t we blame Al Gore too, since he invented the internet?

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Saints’ tight end Jimmy Graham was flagged twice tonight for dunking over the goalposts after a touchdown. Maybe New Orleans should just practice kickoffs from the 20 yard line. #nofunleague

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Johnny Manziel was “a few minutes” late to a team meeting Monday morning. Wonder what his excuse was. Hard to believe Johnny found something to keep him up late Sunday night in Cleveland.

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From Bill Littlejohn  “On Browns’ management saying they will handle Manziel’s tardiness internally ‘In other words, next time he’ll have to produce a note from his bartender.'”

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#NYYankees have lost 5 games in a row. Stand by for the #ESPN special on how #DerekJeter is coping through this difficult time.

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KC Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe has been suspended one game for a violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy. One game. This after a November marijuana arrest that was dismissed after Bowe pleaded guilty to littering and “defective equipment.” So he tossed away a lousy joint and didn’t inhale?

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Paul McCartney played the last concert at Candlestick Park last night. Although many of the nearly 50,000 with tickets couldn’t even get into the old stadium due to traffic, and it took fans hours to get out. So yes, memories of the Beatles and memories of why blowing the place up is overdue.

In San Jose, officers fatally shot a bipolar 19-year- old woman who had called police saying she was armed with “an Uzi” and would shoot her family if the cops didn’t come. The woman turned out to be carrying… a cordless power drill. Now, I’m sure we’ll learn more about this incident, but have to wonder, with all the stories about the easy availability of guns, doesn’t this make police- and everyone else- more likely to shoot because we believe everyone, even the crazies, are armed?

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Weekend dreaming?

August 2, 2014

A Michigan woman says a lion at a small private zoo bit off the tip of her finger when she tried to pet it. She is upset. But perhaps not as upset as the lion who thought it was getting some serious human sushi.

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Life’s different in Colorado with legalized marijuana. Assume the Rockies are still hard at work trying to take advantage of this weekend’s trade deadline.

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Not only did the Dallas Cowboys send season-ticket holders their regular tickets this week, but they also included playoff tickets, including one for the NFC championship game. Well, to be fair, maybe the team figured it was the only way their fans would ever see playoff tickets.
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Bummer. That Mideast cease-fire lasted only about as long as the Cubs’ yearly pennant hopes.

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Roger Goodell today said that what while domestic violence is “not acceptable” the NFL’s two-game suspension of Ray Rice, is “consistent” with other punishments issued by the league, partly due to it being Rice’s 1st offense. Wonder how many games Goodell would have given O.J. Simpson if his acquittal on murder charges had happened while “the Juice” was active.

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SFGiants promoted Jarrett Parker & Matt Duffy from Double A to majors. Should fit right in, line-up has been hitting like Double-A team.

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Matt Duffy has already had a more productive #SFGiants career than Dan Uggla. (A hit, a HBP, an RBI, and no errors.)-

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Why the San Antonio Spurs will never be America’s Team. They just signed Tony Parker to a contract extension through 2017-18. Where’s the drama? Where’s the angst? Where’s the nonstop ESPN speculation?

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Golf.com reports that the PGA Tour has suspended Dustin Johnson for six months for cocaine use. Who says there’s no way to get golf headlines from Tiger Woods?

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The KC Royals’ Jeremy Guthrie had an ERA over 10 in his last four starts. Today he was masterful against Oakland in a 1 to 0 shutout. It’s as if the the As temporarily became the SF Giants.

 

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Obama today said Putin is ‘ignoring’ Russia’s long-term interests. Maybe the Russian President is trying to be declared an honorary GOP member of Congress.

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Two American humanitarian workers who caught Ebola while caring for patients in Liberia are being brought to Atlanta for treatment. And although the disease can only be passed by direct contact with bodily fluids, apparently many other Americans are freaking out on social media. Including Donald Trump, tweeting “KEEP THEM OUT OF HERE.” Ah, for the days that he was just ignorant about birth certificates.

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Six people were injured in Palo Alto yesterday when a driver in his 90s hit the gas instead of the brake and accelerated into a local cafe. I wonder how many of those calling for tighter regulations for elderly drivers also believe the government has no business tightening regulations for gun owners.

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Priorities.

July 24, 2014

The NFL suspended Ravens RB Ray Rice two games for allegedly knocking his fiancee unconscious during a fight. Well, maybe it’s for the best, if instead of fighting the couple had just mellowed out with a joint he’d have been suspended at least four games.

 

So the NFL is making their policy on unnecessary violence clear: Assault another player in a game because of a paid bounty, you’re out for the year. Assault a woman in a fight because you’re mad at her, you’re out two games. #priorities

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Chuck Knoblauch was scheduled to be inducted into the team’s hall-of-fame in August. But the ceremony was cancelled after the former Twins star was arrested last night for allegedly assaulting his ex-wife. If Knoblauch had played for the Minnesota Vikings would the induction still be on?

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And then in the NFL minor leagues, aka the NCAA, here we go again.  This time it’s two University of Texas football players who’ve been charged with felony sexual assault. Maybe coaches could figure out something radical to keep these guys busy and out of trouble during the offseason. Like actually going to class?

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Georgia dismissed defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor from the team following his arrest on aggravated assault and family violence charges, allegedly for choking and hitting his girlfriend. The sophomore, who started 10 games last year, was previously arrested in March for getting double payments on a check. If and when Taylor eventually declares for the draft, wonder how much of a “distraction” he’ll be considered..

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McDonald’s is apparently sticking with their supplier in China., even after allegations the company processed tainted and expired meat. Maybe because there’s not enough meat in McD’s burgers to worry about?

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U.S. airlines have resumed flights to Tel Aviv. So which is harder to believe. That commercial aircraft were actually in danger for 48 hours? Or that they are suddenly safe again now?

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Giants and Dodgers play this weekend at A T and T Park .  LA  flew into town Wednesday and enjoyed an off-day while SF is playing Thursday and flew home from Philadelphia in the evening. So were the Giants good hosts who gave the Dodgers a list of all the hottest bars with town with all the strongest drinks?

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On one page of the University of Texas Football media guide is a website link “www.texsaSports.com” Spelling. Another of those commie-pinko blue-state concepts.

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Another of those “Darwin, missed it by that much” stories. In Gainesville, FL, an allegedly drunk man drove his truck into another car. Then he angrily got out to bang on the other driver’s window. She drove away. But he hadn’t put his own truck in park, and it then rolled over him. The man will recover and faces DUI and property damage charges. Your move, Arizona.

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#BarryBonds turns 50 today. Maybe the #SFGiants could re-sign him? Guessing Bonds could still hit better than some of their lineup.

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Hershey and Mars have both indicated concern about chocolate sales figures due to recent chocolate price increases because of higher cocoa and dairy costs. Why don’t they take a page from the airlines, and either shrink the candy sizes, or charge a wrapper fee?

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ISIS has apparently.blown up the tomb of Jonah in Mosul, Iraq. Who’d ever thought we’d miss Saddam Hussein?

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If you’re reading this Sunday morning?

February 2, 2014

Aren’t you missing the Super Bowl pre-game show?

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Although Saturday night in New York City, there are thousands of hotel rooms available for a reasonable price. Maybe the NFL is finding out you CAN lose money underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

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Can we just play the game, please? Baltimore Ravens coach John Harbaugh said today he doesn’t believe claims that players smoked marijuana before the Super Bowl. Uh, and what’s he supposed to say, “Nah, we didn’t smoke, my guys prefer brownies.”?

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It’s Groundhog Day! Where in Chicago if Punxsutawney Phil sees or doesn’t see his shadow Cubs fans know they have six more decades without a World Series.

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Cal knocked off #1Arizona 60-58 tonight. Would the Golden Bears like to thank Stanford for wearing the Wildcats out Thursday?

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Roger Goodell says he wants to increase the number of NFL teams that make the playoffs from 12 to 14. Because that would have lot$ of benefit$ for the league. Million$ of benefit$ no doubt.

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A United Airlines flight from Dulles to Frankfurt had to land in Newark because of an unidentified odor. Are they sure the smell wasn’t New Jersey?

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At a pre-Super Bowl NY Jets event, GM John Idzik and coach Rex Ryan said they support QB Geno Smith but also said they won’t tolerate behavior that embarrasses the franchise. Apparently the only acceptable way to embarrass the team is on the field.

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There’s now a rumor that Mitt Romney may run for President again in 2016. If true not sure who’ll be happier? Hillary Clinton or comedy writers.

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MLB has approved a new padded cap designed to protect pitchers from line drives, but the story is that players won’t wear them because the caps don’t look cool, and give the impression they’d be pitching scared. Thinking actually it would be a bigger sign of courage to send the message to kids “I don’t care how I look, I care about protecting my brain.”

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Bill Maher “Now that liberals have forwarded their agenda by inserting a mass gay wedding into the Grammys, conservatives must match them tit-for-tat by having a mass shooting at the Country Music Awards.” Waiting for the first Duck Dynasty fan to stand up and defend Maher’s right to free speech.

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The Tonight Show with Jay Leno has been getting some of its highest ratings ever now that Leno is leaving. Which might be giving NBC executives some second thoughts about turning the show over to Jimmy Fallon. Because before this Leno was only….#1 in the late night rankings? Oops, never mind.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford was just ticketed for jaywalking and public drunkenness in Vancouver. And reportedly told police officers he’d thought they were ‘cooler’ on the West Coast. You know, it wasn’t that long ago that most Americans couldn’t name a single Canadian politician…..

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It’s only weird if it doesn’t work. The Wizards beat the Thunder 96-81 tonight, snapping Oklahoma’s 10 game win streak. John Wall scored 15 of his 17 points in the 2nd half, and said “I didn’t like how I played on the road trip in my white shoes, so I tried the red ones They didn’t work in the first half, so I got rid of them and went back to my old white ones, and they kind of helped me out. I’m kind of superstitious.”

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The American Psychatric Association has now officially recognized “Caffeine Use Disorder.” A new study says for “some it produces negative effects, physical dependence, and can be difficult to give up, which are signs of problematic use.” What was their first clue?

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