Posted tagged ‘Rick Perry jokes’
November 2, 2017
I miss baseball. That is all.
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Men who are Dodgers fans can perhaps at least console themselves with watching Kate Upton w/ her fiance at Astros victory parade?
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Ugh, Texans QB Deshaun Watson suffered a torn ACL in practice. Is God really pushing this year for Kaepernick to get signed somewhere?
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Notre Dame announced it will stop covering birth control for students, faculty & staff. Did someone tell the football team?
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Innocent until proven guilty. But many powerful men being accused of sexual harassment are in He Said/She said/She said/She Said situations.
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So Jeff Sessions, 71, admits to lying under oath. Well, since he can’t claim youthful indiscretion will he claim “senior moment?”
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New hidden chamber just discovered in the Pyramid of Giza. Was it the site for the first broadcast of “Larry King Live?”
Thinking right about now better for Dems to focus on 2017 elections NEXT WEEK than 2016 elections.
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Wonder how many reasons Rick Perry can give for his claim that fossil fuels prevent sexual assault?
Politics is messy. But lot of folks slamming @HillaryClinton for dredging up election to sell a book don’t have problem W/ @donnabrazile.
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In a time when America needs heroes, who knew an unlikely one might be the now former Twitter employee who deleted Trump’s Twitter account?
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3 dead in apparently random mass shooting at Colorado Walmart. Not terrorism of course because alleged shooter is white man. #Murica
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Challenge anyone to say – with a straight face – that repealing the Alternative Minimum Tax or the Estate Tax is helping the middle class. #TaxCuts
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Sam Clovis withdrew from consideration to be USDA top scientist over Mueller investigation. Not fact that he knows nothing about science.
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Not I’m against NYC terrorist potentially getting death penalty but since we do need jurors for trial not good idea for @POTUS to tweet it.
Somebody doesn’t know me very well. This invite in my email in-box this morning: Headline “You’re invited!”
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#NotTheOnion From USA Today: Other members of Mar-a-Lago, including South Florida businessman Patrick Park, have said they were promised ambassadorships in Trump administration.
Earlier this year, Park told The Palm Beach Post that he had received a handwritten note from Trump promising him the top diplomatic post in Austria — the setting of “The Sound of Music,” a favorite musical.
“I know every single word and song by heart,” he told the Post. “I’ve always wanted to live in the Von Trapp house.” Park had not been nominated as of early Thursday afternoon.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: clovis jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, sessions jokes, Twitter jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 4, 2015
So if it’s a pack of wolves, a murder of crows, what do you call all these wealthy people running for President in 2016? I’m thinking “an embarrassment of riches.”
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Okay, giving the Duggars every benefit of the doubt and then some…. As Jim Bob excuses his son by saying it was a (14-15 year old) “child preying on a child.” And “there were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes, but it was like a few seconds.” Just trying to imagine their reaction if this “child” was a boy dating one of their “side-hug” only daughters.
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A lot of conservatives are having problems with this whole Caitlyn Jenner thing. On one hand, they have issues with the idea of transgender people. On the other hand, the fact that Caitlyn will make more $$$ than Bruce ever did is ammunition for their belief that we don’t need laws requiring equal pay for women.
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Sarah Palin has weighed in and blamed the Duggar family uproar on the “liberal media.” So congrats to all those who had June 4 in the pool.
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The SF Giants went back to the White House Thursday to meet the President. Their first visit was in 2011. Wonder after that first meeting if the Giants or Obama were more surprised that the other was back there in 2015.
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Apparently Lincecum missed the SF Giants’ White House visit today because he had gone ahead to Philadelphia to get ready to face the Phillies tomorrow. What a shame, Timmy was the one Giant who could have done some serious lobbying with Obama for marijuana legalization. #letTimmysmoke
President Obama today as the SF Giants visited the White House for the third time in five years, “I mean, the truth is, it seems like if they get in, they’ll probably win it.” Clearly the same mantra dozens of candidates are using for the 2016 Presidential election.
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At this point wouldn’t it be simpler and faster for all Republicans who AREN’T running for President to announce it?
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Airline delay excuse of the day. On United a client reports lead flight attendant sliced his finger, had to get stitches so they had to get another attendant. Uh, wasn’t one of the points of TSA to take care of all the sharp objects?
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Rick Perry is running for President again. And he’s smarter this time, because he has glasses. No doubt he’ll tell us three, or at least two reasons why….
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John Bowlen, son of Denver Broncos owner Pat Bowlen, was arrested last night on domestic violence charges, following on John Elway’s son Jack’s arrest for domestic violence last year. Sounds like these guys are trying a little too hard to act like they fit in with NFL players.
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The NCAA has charged UNC with five major violations connected to the school’s long-running academic fraud scandal. Now let’s see how they come up with “severe” punishments that don’t keep the men’s basketball team out of March Madness.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Duggars jokes, election jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, primary jokes, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 1, 2014
Ricky Gervais sparked a controversy by tweeting: ‘Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.’ Must say, there are some advantages of being from the generation that grew up with Polaroid.
The FBI said today it is looking into the celebrity nude picture leaks. That stampeding sound you hear is all the agents volunteering to lead the investigation.
Kim Kardashian appears to be one of the few “celebrity” women whose photos haven’t been hacked. Either that or the hackers figured her nude pictures were old news.
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What’s next, the hackers demanding ransom? As in if we don’t all pay it they may leak nude photos of Rob Ford?
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So did even hackers decide they didn’t want to see V Stiviano nude pictures? #Sopasther15minutes
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Houston fired manager Bo Porter, although the Astros are ahead of the Texas Rangers and have a better record than the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies. So was Porter fired for over achieving?
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Controversial “The Bachelor” couple Juan Pablo and Nikki Ferrell are still dating. But they’ve now signed up for “Couples Therapy” which is a VH1 reality show. Well, this ought to do wonders for the rumors they’re just in it for the publicity.
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Gov. Rick Perry deleted and then disavowed a tweet from his verified Twitter account which had a picture of D.A. Rosemary Lehmberg, “I don’t always drive drunk at 3x the legal blood alcohol limit… …but when I do, I indict Gov. Perry for calling me out about it. I am the most drunk Democrat in Texas.” So what, does Perry have 3 people in charge of his account and he only told 2 of them to “stay classy?”
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Andrew Susac singles and scores the winning run in today’s suspended SF Giants- Colorado Rockies May 22 game. How impressive is the Giants rookie catcher – he wins a game two months before he gets called up to the majors?
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Congratulations to the #SFGiants Gary Brown, who finally got his September call-up to the big leagues. The knock on Brown has been that he can’t hit major league pitching. But doesn’t that describe most of the Giants lineup for much of this season?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: celebrity nude picture jokes, hacker jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 22, 2014
Money can buy a lot of things, but not travel karma. #SFGiants finished game last night in Chicago about 11p, went to airport for just over 1 hour charter flight. But lightning meant bags could not be loaded, and then additional wait on tarmac for storms to pass. They arrived to DC hotel this a.m. at 615a. On the other hand, maybe being #SleeplessinSF made the team stronger…
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Go figure, a team on a 10 game win streak against a team with no sleep. 10-3 SF Giants over the Washington Nationals. Maybe SF is just a bunch of nocturnals.
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Another sign that Rory McIlroy has been anointed the new Tiger Woods. All the headlines are not about who’s leading, but about how far Rory is off the pace.
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Apparently the Buffalo Bills are having so many pre-season intra-squad fights that coach Doug Marrone blew up at his players yesterday. This is shocking to Bills fans who didn’t think their team could hit anybody.
Not that Obama’s perfect.. But then there’s Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), who said this week that the President can’t protect the U.S. from ISIS because “if you’re Commander-in-Chief you can’t be listening to Muslim brother advice on when it’s time to stop destroying Muslim brothers.”
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The Saints’ Jimmy Graham was fined $30,000 for dunking over the goalposts after two TDs last weekend. So the New Orleans tight end would have saved money had he just flipped off his defenders twice.
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North Texas, SMU and Troy University will start selling beer at football games this year, bringing the total of on-campus stadiums with beer sales to 21. Apparently schools that have already changed the policy haven’t reported an increase in bad behavior. Maybe because if fans could buy a beer in the stadium they wouldn’t feel the need to chug several of them pre-game
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She’s SO past her 15 minutes: V. Stiviano is now claiming Donald Sterling is gay and that she was just his beard during their relationship. Right, because if you really need a beard if you are a prominent conservative gay man who isn’t married. Oops,never mind.
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TSA at SFO says they have over 20,000 items left behind at checkpoints just this year, including a wheelchair. Thinking if someone claims that chair maybe they need their disabled placard taken away.
Johnny Manziel was fined $12,000 for his one-finger salute to the Washington bench. So about half the fine as if he had done something TRULY offensive, like wearing the wrong brand of socks.
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This Rick Perry indictment stems from trying to remove Rosemary Lehmberg. a Texas DA, from office after a DUI arrest. And Perry believes he was “lawful, legal and right” to do so. Okay, fair enough. But there have been two other Texas DAs arrested for DUI while Perry has been governor (Rick Harrison in 2009, and Terry McEachern in 2003), and he didn’t have a problem with them. Nor for that matter do I remember the Governor complaining about the DUI’s of Dick Cheney and George W. Bush.
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A University of Denver study found that couples who had wedding ceremonies with 150+ guests were much happier than couples in the study who had 50 guests or fewer. Maybe because after dealing with that many friends and relatives, your mate seems pretty sane by comparison.
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The NCAA denied Dorial Green-Beckham’s request to play football at Oklahoma immediately after transferring. The star WR was kicked off Missouri’s team after two marijuana arrests and allegedly pushing another Missouri student down at least four stairs. Well makes, sense, Green-Beckman doesn’t sound ready for college football, he sounds ready for the NFL.
From Jim Barach: “A new app tells the user how much time they are spending on their smartphone. Which is probably too much if you need an app to tell you how much time you are spending on your smartphone.”
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From Bill Littlejohn: In London, Big Ben just had its clock cleaned. But Buckingham Palace said not to worry, it’s just the preseason.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Rory McIlroy jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
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August 21, 2014
Obama says he has donated to ALS research but declined to participate in the #Icebucketchallenge. For which some are criticizing him. Had the President joined in, however, he would have been criticized for not acting presidential, or for wasting water…..
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The Nationals have won 10 games in a row. Finally, something in Washington that won’t be blamed on Obama.
Twinkies have returned to store shelves but Hostess says they are closing one of the four bakeries that make them. Well, suppose they’ve probably baked at least a 10 year supply by now anyway.–
Bud Selig, while he was in Oakland this week said that the increasingly slow pace of baseball games “drives me crazy.” Meanwhile, he had nothing to report on his “Blue Ribbon Committee” for the potential As move to San Jose, which Selig formed in 2009….
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The Pittsburgh Steelers top two RBs, Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, will both be charged with marijuana possession following a traffic stop. No word on their punishment but wonder when the NFLPA will start pushing for all training camps to be in Colorado and Washington?
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Missouri RNC executive director Matt Wills is outraged about reports of voter registration booths in Ferguson. “If that’s not fanning the political flames, I don’t know what is. I think it’s not only disgusting but completely inappropriate.” Actually it seems very appropriate. Whichever “side” you’re on, voting seems more productive than just protesting.
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From my funny friend, Jerry Perisho. “The SF Giants won a protest over their rain-shortened loss to the Chicago Cubs; so the game will be resumed today.. Meanwhile, the Cubs filed a protest requesting that each of their games over the last 106 years be replayed.”
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Nice family values defense for former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell in his corruption trial – it’s all my wife’s fault.
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Thursday, Bank of America announced they have reached a $16.65 billion agreement, the biggest settlement in history, for allegedly misleading the buyers of mortgage-backed bonds. Friday I assume the bank will announce that checking fees are going up.
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Pete Rose is hoping for a “second chance” from MLB as they change commissioners. Here’s a simple solution. Keep Rose from ever working in baseball again, but put him in the HOF.. Not like it’s exactly a Hall of Saints.
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So the 49ers have replaced some loose sod in their new Levi’s stadium that apparently was causing players to slip. So does this mean the team thinks the Broncos, who won 34-0 in last Sunday’s preseason game, just had better cleats?
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Why there is no satire. 50 Cent gave Floyd Mayweather an ice bucket alternative, to read one page of a ‘Harry Potter’ book in exchange for $750,000 to a charity of Mayweather’s choice. 50 Cent meant it as an English as a Second Language reading taunt, but he called it an ALS/ELS challenge….
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry said that “although we have no clear evidence”, there’s a ‘very real possibility’ that “because of the condition of the border, from the standpoint of it not being secure and us not knowing who is penetrating across, that individuals from ISIS or other terrorist states could be entering the U.S.” As opposed to all those who have entered the U.S. legally and/or were home grown?
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T.C. says the dreaded SI jinx may have come into play for a 13 year old Little League pitcher? Mo’Ne Davis’s team was eliminated with two losses in a row after they put her on the cover.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, ice bucket challenge jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Selig jokes, Twinkies jokes
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August 19, 2014
They took so long to announce fate of #SFGiants #Cubs game at Wrigley, figure Bud Selig has a Blue Ribbon committee deciding it.
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If the #SFGiants lose a playoff spot by one game will some other team vote a playoff share to the #Cubs ground crew?
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Tuesday night’s rain delay lasted longer than the Cubs 2014 playoffs hopes.
Uber has introduced “Uber Corner Store” a new trial service offering on-demand fast delivery of medicine, toiletries and other products. Thinking this could be a very popular business in Colorado.
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New Orleans plays Cleveland on September 14. After last night’s salute Saints’ defenders won’t need bounties to want to knock Manziel’s head off.
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Okay, heaven knows I am not a Seahawks fan. But just have to wonder the reaction if instead of Johnny Manziel flipping the bird at the opposing bench last night, it had been Richard Sherman.
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If the MLB season ended today, for the first time since 1993, neither the #RedSox nor #Yankees would be in the playoffs. Tragic, really.
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Ohio State star QB Braxton Miller reinjured his right, throwing shoulder yesterday in practice and may miss his senior season. The poor kid may have nothing to do this year but go to class.
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Former American Idol contestant William Hung just got married. Just guessing no one asked him to sing at his own wedding.
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Soccer star Luis Suarez stated today “I will not bite again.” Wonder if besides playing for Barcelona if Suarez is auditioning for a part in that A T & T Vampire movie commercial….
Who knows whether this Rick Perry indictment over trying to force a D.A. to resign from office will amount to anything. But somewhere in NJ Chris Christie has to be thinking “Couldn’t you have just closed one of her bridges or something?”
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British cyclist Jonathan Tiernan-Locke, banned for two years, says he did not blood dope but instead blamed his abnormal results on dehydration from an “alcoholic binge” with his girlfriend while celebrating his new Team Sky contract, drinking the equivalent of about a liter of vodka. The story didn’t work, but even if it had, guessing the team might have terminated him anyway for the stupidity.
The Cleveland Browns say they are not ready to name a starting QB. Well, the best of them yesterday was clearly Connor Shaw. 8 of 9 for 123 yards and a touchdown.
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So what do you get if you cross Tebowing and Manzieling? A one-fingered prayer? But no touchdowns.
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Can the #SFGiants borrow #JohnnyManziel to salute the #WrigleyField grounds crew?
The Wall St Journal has reported that the NFL is asking potential acts for the 2015 halftime show to PAY the league for the privllege of performing. And what if they don’t? The league will just have to raise ticket, hot dog and beer prices? #noshame
Bud Selig, whose Blue Ribbon committee on the Oakland A’s moving to San Jose never ruled in 5 plus years, talking today about how the team needs a new ballpark “This is always something I wanted to get resolved before I leave office, which is another 5½ or six months.” Gosh, and Selig said it with a straight face.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #Tarpgate, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes, Uber jokes, Wrigley jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 15, 2014
Texas Governor Rick Perry, was indicted on two charges relating to his efforts to force the resignation of a local district attorney. Wonder if the prosecutor couldn’t think of a third charge?
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Mo’Ne Davis threw a two-hit shutout for Philadelphia at Little League World Series today. Wonder how long it will take her to get a try-out with the Phillies.
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Police at Madrid’s airport arrested a 43-year-old woman for allegedly trying to smuggle to 3.7 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. What was their first clue? Really REALLY perky breasts?
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Notre Dame says they expect to suspend four football players, who allegedly violated the university’s honor code by receiving improper help on classwork. Many other college football players are shocked. Notre Dame players have classwork?
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Apparently Roger Goodell is now claiming he wanted to suspend Ray Rice for more than two games but didn’t feel he could do so due to precedent. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.
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NY Mets manager Terry Collins says he told Matt Harvey, who he thought was working too hard on his rehab, to “back off” and that Harvey’s season is over. Makes sense. So is the Mets’.
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The man who invented the “pop-up” ad in the 90s has now apologized for creating it. Shouldn’t we blame Al Gore too, since he invented the internet?
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Saints’ tight end Jimmy Graham was flagged twice tonight for dunking over the goalposts after a touchdown. Maybe New Orleans should just practice kickoffs from the 20 yard line. #nofunleague
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Johnny Manziel was “a few minutes” late to a team meeting Monday morning. Wonder what his excuse was. Hard to believe Johnny found something to keep him up late Sunday night in Cleveland.
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From Bill Littlejohn “On Browns’ management saying they will handle Manziel’s tardiness internally ‘In other words, next time he’ll have to produce a note from his bartender.'”
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#NYYankees have lost 5 games in a row. Stand by for the #ESPN special on how #DerekJeter is coping through this difficult time.
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KC Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe has been suspended one game for a violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy. One game. This after a November marijuana arrest that was dismissed after Bowe pleaded guilty to littering and “defective equipment.” So he tossed away a lousy joint and didn’t inhale?
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Paul McCartney played the last concert at Candlestick Park last night. Although many of the nearly 50,000 with tickets couldn’t even get into the old stadium due to traffic, and it took fans hours to get out. So yes, memories of the Beatles and memories of why blowing the place up is overdue.
In San Jose, officers fatally shot a bipolar 19-year- old woman who had called police saying she was armed with “an Uzi” and would shoot her family if the cops didn’t come. The woman turned out to be carrying… a cordless power drill. Now, I’m sure we’ll learn more about this incident, but have to wonder, with all the stories about the easy availability of guns, doesn’t this make police- and everyone else- more likely to shoot because we believe everyone, even the crazies, are armed?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Little League World Series jokes, NFL jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 18, 2014
Texas Governor Rick Perry, interviewed for the NY Times Sunday Magazine, told a reporter “that he loves California, vacations in San Diego annually, visits the state about six times a year and might even move here in January when he’s done with his 14-year stint running Texas.” Where’s a border fence when you REALLY need one?
You really cannot make this sh*t up. “Rarely has a US president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many” from an op-ed criticizing Obama’s handling of Iraq. By Dick Cheney
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The US has captured a “key” Benghazi suspect. So just for a day, many in the GOP are saying “Forget Benghazi, let’s talk about Iraq.”
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Tragic, really. Chris Bosh, talking about the Heat’s tough season. “There was no, like, genuine joy all the time. It seemed like work. It was a job the whole year.”
(My friend Jon Nedry says, Nobody had the “do what you love” talk with him when he was younger?”)
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Oakland starting pitcher Drew Pomeranz, who entered last night’s game with an ERA under 2, broke his right hand punching a chair last night after giving up 8 runs in a loss to the Texas Rangers. And the A’s are in first place. Imagine what Pomeranz might have done if he pitched for the Cubs.
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Well, they’re consistent. Former GOP Rep. Allen West of Florida wrote today: “Squirrel! Benghazi suspect conveniently captured to deflect attention from all the other nightmares.” I suppose we only killed Bin Laden for the same reason.
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San Antonio’s Tony Parker -“I think everybody’s gonna come back.” Chairman Peter Holt -“Tim and Manu want to play until they die, somewhat sincerely, actually.” And Brett Favre just went out and bought a Spurs jersey.
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Who needs reality television? In Louisiana, congressman Vance McAllister, who ran on a family values platform and was caught making out on tape with a married staffer, said he wouldn’t run again. But now he is “leaning towards” changing his mind. And one of his declared opponents, Zash Dasher, is the nephew of Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson….. This all must be the fault of gay marriage.
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Rep. Lou Barletta (R-Pa.) said yesterday that the House “probably” has the votes to impeach President Barack Obama if the matter was brought to the floor. Well, it would be a change from the votes to repeal Obamacare.
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A lot of excited new U.S. soccer fans have a question after yesterday’s big win over Ghana. So is this World Cup thing 3 out of 5 or 4 out of 7?
While celebrating the #USA win over #Ghana, maybe millions of Americans could take the time to find Ghana on a map. #Geography. #WorldCup
In California, lawmakers today rejected a bill that would have put a label on sugared sodas, energy drinks and fruit drinks saying “STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAFETY WARNING: Drinking beverages with added sugar(s) contributes to obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay.” Gosh, because now people think they are drinking that stuff for their health?
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Rick Perry, saying he’s “preparing” for 2016 and trying to step away from his comments on gays last week ““Actually it was a pure economic message in San Francisco until a question from the audience.” Well okay then. Because as a candidate for president he’ll never get sidetracked by questions…
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A Senate panel today slammed Dr. Oz for his claims for “miracle” weight loss products – “The scientific community is almost monolithically against you.”. Guessing Dr. Oz will soon demand the hearing be transferred to the GOP-led House.
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Well, it doesn’t just happen to the little people. This tweet today “Hey @united landed in Dublin yesterday morning from Newark and still no golf clubs… Sort of need them this week… Can someone help!?” The tweet? Rory McIlroy. And he needs them for the Irish Open….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, GOP jokes, Heat jokes, Iraq jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Spurs jokes, why there is no satire, World Cup jokes
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June 16, 2014
Well seriously, this just sucks. R.I.P Tony Gwynn. 54 years old. One of my favorite all-time players. If there are baseball teams in heaven one of their team batting averages is about to go up.
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And many times have I heard some variation on this today? “I’m a “fill-in-the-blank-with-MLB-team” fan, but my favorite player who wasn’t on my team was Tony Gwynn. #tooyoung
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My son forwards Tony Gwynn’s career high for strikeouts in a season – 40. 40!? For Adam Dunn that’s a good month.
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My little Tony Gwynn story. The Padres were at Candlestick when the Giants were thinking of moving in 1992. And Gwynn was cheerfully signing autographs for lots of SF fans before the game. I was in the crowd with my son and as Tony signed our ball, I told him that a lot of SF Giants fans might end up rooting for the Padres if our team moved to Tampa. He looked surprised and said “But wouldn’t you all root for the Dodgers first?” LOUD nos and boos from the crowd. Gwynn just smiled, laughed and said “Ok, I got it.” A nice guy, a class act, gone WAY too soon.
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The USA won their opening World Cup game against Ghana. So millions of Americans might have to pretend to care about soccer for a couple more weeks.
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Oops, Delta Airlines tweeted congratulations for the U.S win over Ghana today. With accompanying pictures to represent the two countries – the Statue of Liberty and a giraffe. Cute. Except Ghana has no giraffes. The picture was from Kenya. Well, it’s not like the airline business requires any knowledge of geography.
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Now we really know the World Cup is in full swing. We’ve had our first tie – between Iran and Nigeria. And a 0-0 tie at that.
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An Australian couple heading to the World Cup apparently ended up in El Salvador instead of Salvador, Brazil apparently due to a travel agent error. Here’s my question, did they actually look at their itinerary? “Wow honey, only four hours to get to Brazil from Los Angeles.” #cantfixstupid
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All these commentators waxing lyrical last night about the beautiful team play of the Spurs. The same commentators who a couple weeks ago were talking Heat three-peat against a somewhat boring aging team.
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American Airlines sent an offer to frequent fliers to earn bonus miles and “Enjoy six hand-selected wines from France for only $9.75 per bottle plus 1¢ shipping .” Since it’s an airline offer, presumably corks are $10 a bottle extra.
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In Fresno, California, police arrested a 64-year-old man for allegedly cooking methamphetamine in his apartment at a senior retirement community. Well, that’s one way to supplement social security.
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Texas Governor Rick Perry again, asked specifically if he believes therapy should be used to change the behavior of someone who is gay. “You know, I don’t know. The fact is, we’ll leave that to the psychologists and doctors.” Uh, so he’ll leave this issue to the “experts,” but not say an issue like climate change?
Miss Nevada, Nia Sanchez, who became Miss USA, has been accused of being a carpetbagger because she until recently had lived (and entered pageants) in California. And during an interview today, Sanchez couldn’t name the capital of Nevada. But to be fair, wonder how many other Miss USA contestants could name the capital of their own states?
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Plenty of Republicans blaming some degree of the current mess in Iraq on President Obama. Of course, they have credibility because they were all so critical of George W. Bush starting the 2003 war in the first place….
From T.C. On former North Carolina college basketball star Rashad McCants claiming he made the dean’s list without ever attending a class: “’Big deal,” said some Auburn football players, “did you get paid too?’”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Delta Airlines jokes, ghana jokes, Janice Hough, miss usa jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Tony Gwynn, World Cup jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 12, 2014
Last night, Texas Gov. Rick Perry called Hillary Clinton “a very, very capable public servant, great secretary of state and first lady.” The sad thing, with many of Perry’s supporters that comment will be seen as more offensive than his comparing homosexuality to alcoholism.
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Hillary Clinton says the U.S. should lift its embargo on Cuba. Translation, she’s done the math, and between new residents and a younger population, there are just not that many anti-Castro Florida voters any more.
The World Cup finally got started today. So fans of serious flopping no longer have to settle for watching the NBA.
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So today is the first day of U.S.Open, and the World Cup. In addition there are several MLB games and game four of the NBA finals. So let’s see how ESPN will somehow manage to lead with an NFL story.
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Landon Donovan will now be an in-studio World Cup analyst for ESPN. He’ll be in the tournament a lot longer than US team he was left off of…. #WorldCup
( Of course if ESPN really wanted to get Americans watching the World Cup they’d hire Johnny Manziel as an analyst.)
First day of the #WorldCup and Brazil scores the go-ahead goal on what appears to be an egregious yellow card following a flop by a Brazilian player. But I’m sure it was an accidental mistake. No one would ever accuse FIFA and their host country of anything untoward.
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John Boehner is blaming Eric Cantor’s defeat on Obama. So much for all those who said our President never accomplishes anything.
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The Cleveland Cavaliers are apparently interested in Mark Jackson as their next head coach. Well, the job wouldn’t come with any playoff pressure.
Harrison Ford, reprising his role as Han Solo, has been injured on the set of the film, “Stars Wars VII”. Apparently by the door of the Millennium Falcon. Did Ford trip over it with his walker?
Will the cause of #HarrisonFord‘s ankle injury on the set of the new Star Wars movie be listed as too much Force?
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So with this colossal mess in Iraq, the GOP will no doubt be blaming President Obama for taking out a strong leader who once had the country under control….. Oops, wait. Never mind.
Have to figure this is being told tonight somewhere. “Heard a good Florida joke?” “The Miami Heat.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Heat jokes, Hillary Clinton, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, San Antonio Spurs jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
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July 18, 2013
Rick Perry has announced he will not run again for Governor of Texas. He may be running again for President. But wouldn’t a better option be Governor of Florida. Then Perry could threaten to secede and most Americans would say “Promise?”
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Top Three reactions on the Rolling Stone Boston bomber cover. 1. It’s outrageous. 2. It’s not a big deal. 3. Rolling Stone is still in business?
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The city of Detroit has declared bankruptcy. Wouldn’t it be better to declare war on the rest of the United States, lose, and apply for aid?
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The stock market closed at a record high today. Which means it’s time for the GOP to start talking about President Obama’s birth certificate again.
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Virginia’s GOP gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli, is trying to reinstate the state’s “Crimes Against Nature” law. This law makes consensual oral or anal sex acts felonies, even for married heterosexual couples who commit the acts in the privacy of their own homes. (“Not tonight, dear, I don’t want to be arrested?”)
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A man was arrested outside the White House Tuesday morning with a loaded gun. And apparently told the police. “I was only going to fire a couple of shots.” Uh, George Zimmerman only fired one.
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Eliot #Spitzer told an interviewer he considered himself a feminist. Well, I guess he did support a woman-owned business and paid well…
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Jerry Seinfeld said he was upset during the All-Star game “when the Citi Field crowd was booing (players) that they see as rivals to their Mets team.” Of course, to be fair, it could have been an automatic reaction, as these days NY fans are just used to booing their own team.
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From T.C. “Charles Foley, the inventor of Twister has passed on. He will be buried with his right foot touching the casket’s top left hand corner and his left hand touching the bottom right.”
Have to assume Kate is safely ensconced away from TV and media… But this baby is expected to be a major economic stimulus for the economy – tourist visits and locals buying “stuff.” And if you WANTED to create even more hype for a royal baby that will be King or Queen someday. one way to do it would be to let public assume a due date a week or two early….
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Lots of talk about banning PED users from baseball for life to make the game completely clean. But isn’t that like expecting the death penalty to completely stop murders? #Nooneexpectstobecaught
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, PED jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Rolling Stone jokes
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July 3, 2013
Jamaican runner Novlene Williams-Mills. who won a bronze with her 400m relay in the 2012 Olympics, just revealed she been secretly diagnosed with breast cancer the month before and had a lumpectomy 3 days after the closing ceremony. Weaker sex my a**.
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So Dennis Rodman thinks that after his visit to North Korea he should be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. More like a candidate for the Piece Of Work Prize.
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1. All countries spy. 2. Edward Snowden has made it clear he views it is his mission to expose spying and will use any means at his power to do so. 3. Snowden wants to live in a new country. 4. See #1. 5. Snowden is scr*wed.
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Aaron Hernandez jerseys are now selling for hundreds of dollars on Ebay. To paraphase P.T. Barnum, guess no one also ever went broke underestimating the bad taste of the American public.
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Regarding that New England Patriots offer to trade in Aaron Hernandez jerseys; T.C. says “The kicker is that you get an Ochocinco one in return.”
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New York City GOP mayoral candidate Joe Lhota just called on Anthony Weiner’s ex-girlfriends to dish dirt so that women “will come to the right conclusion after enough women come out and talk about what it was like to be with him and date him and things like that.” Uh, did Lhota forget that New Yorkers re-elected Giuliani, and voted overwhelming twice for Bill Clinton?
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Iggy Pop, 66, says he has quit stage-diving in his shows. Was this after a number of shows where he dived and couldn’t get up?
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Jennifer Aniston: “I’ll never forget when Justin and I were on a road trip and we were so hungry, “The only thing around was McDonald’s. I think I ordered a Big Mac. Wow, my body did not react well to that! It was like putting gasoline in a purified system.” Even most first-world people are thinking “REALLY-First-World Problems”
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An Ohio day-care operator was arrested and charged with putting Benadryl and Melatonin in kids’ pancakes to get them to sleep. “How awful” said many Americans. “How much did she use?” asked many tired parents.
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So after Rick Perry gets his special legislative session to vote on his abortion bill, will the Texas governor’s next move be to ask his state to declare they are not subject to the 19th amendment?
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There are rumors that Texas Governor Rick Perry might announce another run for President of the United States. Millions of Americans are very excited about this possibility. They’re called “Democrats.”
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The GOP strategy if Hillary Clinton runs for President is reportedly to try to paint her as “old news.” Well, that really ought to boost Jeb Bush.
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Watching Yasiel Puig makes me think maybe a good second half strategy for SF Giants might be to troll waters outside Cuba with a black and orange boat and sign saying saying “Baseball players welcome here.”
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Entitled much? A TripAdvisor review of a 3-star NY hotel booked ON PRICELINE rants how even though she advised a 7a arrival the hotel did not have her room ready at 9a for early check-in. (And only had it ready an hour before the promised 3pm check-in time.) Plus they wouldn’t give her Hilton Honours points with the discounted price. And she got a small, dark room. Hello? #Yougetwhatyoupayfor
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: hernandez jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Rodman jokes, Snowden jokes, Texas jokes, Weiner jokes
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June 26, 2013
Conservatives may be disheartened over DOMA being overturned today, and gay marriages being allowed again in California. But hey, from a business standpoint, think of all the economic stimulus from gay weddings! #Expensivechampagne
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Is the New England Patriots’ season as dead as DOMA?
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Apparently Aaron Hernandez is the 29th NFL player arrested since this year’s Super Bowl. This is clearly what comes of allowing too many heterosexuals in the league.
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The prosecution’s evidence against Hernandez allegedly includes some used bubble gum found in a car seen near the site of the murder. Gum that he may have been seen buying. So does this mean, if he chewed, then he is through?
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Cleveland rookie LB Ausar Walcott was arrested Tuesday and charged with attempted murder after he allegedly punched a man in the head last weekend. Gosh, the Browns can’t even get the major headlines on the NFL police blotter.
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Rough week for Paula Deen. Who knew it was possible to make Walmart look politically correct?
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Paula Deen in a teary television interview today complained of “horrible, horrible lies” about her. Uh, in Celebrity 101 class shouldn’t there be a session featuring Hugh Grant’s interview with Leno? Admit, say you were stupid, and move on. (Then if necessary find God and beg forgiveness.)
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Just wondering, how would Justice Clarence Thomas have ruled on “Loving v. Virginia” in 1967….
(if that’s too “inside baseball,” “Loving v. Virginia” was the ruling that struck down inter-racial marriage laws. And Thomas is married to a white woman.)
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Best comedy line of the week goes to coach Chip Kelly: “As I have I stated before, the NCAA investigation and subsequent ruling had no impact on my decision to leave Oregon for Philadelphia.”
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From Bill Littlejohn: “Former Cub Kerry Wood found a body floating in a harbor. I hear he strained his shoulder calling 911.”
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In Justice Scalia’s angry dissent today he once again railed against “homosexual sodomy.” So does he have a position on heterosexual sodomy. (Technically defined as anything but vaginal intercourse…?.)
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry just called a new special session to take up the abortion bill that was filibustered last night. What happened to that “small government” philosophy?
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You can’t make this stuff up… Gov. Perry says he is calling a special session on that abortion bill because “Texans value life.” On the same day that the state has executed its 500th inmate since they reinstated the death penalty in 1982.
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Somewhere both #MollyIvins and #AnnRichards are together looking down on #WendyDavis. And smiling.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Standwithwendy jokes, Aaron Hernandez jokes, DOMA jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 6, 2012
All these candidates, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, etc who said God told them to run. Is it possible that God just really wants to make sure Barack Obama gets re-elected?
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Or maybe God just needs a new cellphone plan?
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But really, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain all actually said God told them to run for President. Maybe the one with the direct line to God is really Jon Stewart.
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John McCain attacked Newt Gingrich for his recent attack on Romney – “I don’t think it’s appropriate to call your opponent a liar.” Actually, both McCain and Gingrich should be experts on the subject of lying – or does “Honey, I’ve been working late, I’ll be right home” not count?
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The Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins. The deal requires Chicago to pay most of the temperamental pitcher’s salary, along presumably with money to cover the costs of increased clubhouse security.
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A friend sent me a message pointing out that Carlos Zambrano and Ozzie Guillen will now be in the same clubhouse. Wow. This means the Marlins could become the first MLB team with thermonuclear capability.
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Albert Pujols has signed a guaranteed 10 year $250 million deal at the age of 32, though some say he may be older. Which probably means that the Angels are paying big $$ to get at least a few really good years now, and will continue to pay when things fall apart. Sort of like an old rich guy marrying a trophy wife without a prenup.
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My friend Dallas forwards me this quote (he attributed it to Special Agent Mulder from the X-Files, but the original quote was from to Hungarian psychiatrist and SUNY professor Thomas S.Szasz.) “If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.””
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No argument here with Senator John McCain, who made this statement (no joke) at a rally tonight for Mitt Romney. “I am confident, with the leadership and the backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around.”
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The Boston Globe endorsed Jon Huntsman for the GOP Presidental nomination. Wonder if they would have endorsed the man Mitt Romney was as Governor of Massachusetts.
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Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren bought a $12 million mansion in North Palm Beach, Florida after her divorce, and has now demolished the place to build something new. Talk about class warfare, this is the kind of behavior that inflames the 1 percent against the 0.1 percent.
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According to USA Today, automakers are trying to outdo each other in apps for their cars, so that drivers can have more and more of the same apps that they have on their smart phones. What could possibly go wrong?
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Rick Santorum is now saying Congress should take President Obama to court for his recess appointments for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the NLRB. (On the second, he appointed 2 Dems and 1 Republican, to keep a quorum.)
Fine, but where was Santorum when George W. Bush made his 171 recess appointments? Obama so far has made 28.
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Casey Anthony has now come out with a new look (short blond hair) and a public video diary. What, was she upset Jerry Sandusky was getting all the attention?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Casey Anthony jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Zambrano jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 5, 2012
Los Angeles archdiocese auxiliary bishop Gabino Zavala has resigned after admitting he fathered 2 children. On a brighter note for the church, at least this means he was having sex with an adult woman.
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Michele Bachmann said she is ending her campaign for President. Not sure who is more upset, her hundreds of hard-core supporters, or the nation’s comedy writers.
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Although Michele Bachman dropped out of the GOP presidential race, she also said “”There are many more chapters to be written.” You know what that means…. yet another failed-candidate book deal.
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Iowa caucuses are not a punch a ballot kind of thing. You have to go in, listen to speeches, talk to people, etc. It can take hours. Yet 58 people in the Iowa caucuses voted for Herman Cain. Did they think they were getting a free pizza or somethng?
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The San Diego Chargers are sticking with coach Norv Turner. This is great news, for the rest of the AFC West.
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In Sonoma County, California, two CHP air officers just arrested a pilot of a single-engine plane for allegedly flying while intoxicated. In the man’s defense, he said he was training to be a commercial pilot for Delta Airlines.
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Why computer programmers should take basic geography. Checking on the Starwood website for a hotel for a client in Princeville, Kauai. The first result? The Sheraton Waikiki, 21.87 miles away. At least the site didn’t give drive time.
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Despite the results in Iowa, Rick Perry is moving ahead to South Carolina. Should we be shocked? We all know how good the Texas Governor is at math.
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Michele Bachmann said her husband Marcus spent the last day of the campaign in Iowa “buying doggie sunglasses for our dog Boomer.” Can’t imagine how those gay rumors got started.
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Rick Santorum is now calling Mitt Romney a “bland, boring career politician.” Not true, Mitt hasn’t been in office since 2006. He’s more of a “bland, boring career candidate.”
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Barack Obama today sidestepped the Senate confirmation process by using a recess appointment to make Richard Cordray the first director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. And the GOP is angry. Very angry. Gosh, does that mean Republicans in Congress might start not working with the President?
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ESPN cameras caught Stanford kicker Jordan Williamson praying on the sidelines before missing a potential game-winning kick in the Fiesta Bowl. Feel sorry for the kid but maybe he’s been too caught up in his studies and bowl preparation to have noticed – lately prayer hasn’t been working out too well on the field for Tim Tebow
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From T.C. Stanford’s place kicker would be a star punter. All his kicks seem to be locked on “left coffin corner”
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Meanwhile, Michigan’s Brendan Gibbons, who was 1 for 5 last year, won the Sugar Bowl for the Wolverines with a 37-yard field goal in overtime. He claimed he made the kick by thinking about “brunette girls.”
“Brunette girls,” huh. Does that mean Stanford’s kicker was thinking about blond girls?
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In the Orange Bowl, West Virginia beat Clemson 70-33. Well, that’s one way not to stress out your place kicker – don’t even ask him to attempt a field goal. (But give Tyler Bitancurt credit, he was 10 for 10 on extra points.)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachmann jokes, Iowa Caucus jokes, Iowa jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Stanford jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 23, 2011
You cannot make this “stuff” up – Christmas Eve Eve edition: Rick Perry apparently won’t appear on Virginia’s primary GOP ballot after he submitted petition without enough signatures. Maybe the Texas governor should have paid a little more attention in math class?
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Monta Ellis is denying comment on sexual harassment charges, and the Warriors are claiming that he and the woman he texted pictures of his junk to were in a “consentual relationship.” But the lesson here guys – love and lust may fade but cellphone records are forever.
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Matt Barkley has endeared himself forever to Trojan fans by returning for his senior year. Especially since after the Reggie Bush fiasco, staying at USC vs. the NFL actually means a pay cut.
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The release of Nike’s new retro Air Jordan basketball shoes caused near riots at many stores today. Many men responded to this with “Wow, Nike is bringing them back?” And women responded, “Riots? WTF, the things don’t even have heels.”
Said my comedy writer friend Alex Kaseberg: “First time in history the words shoe sale men and riot have ever been combined.”
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Michele Bachmann was confronted by the gay robot “RoboProfessor” (yes, really, the robot exists) in Iowa Thursday. Bachmann took it in pretty good humor. But then, she’s already learned how to deal with straight robots. How many debates has she done including Mitt Romney?
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Mitt Romney promised a college student on Thursday that a vote for him meant a job after graduation. But Mitt didn’t say whether it might be at Subway or McDonald’s.
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Donald Trump just switched his party affiliation from Republican to unaffiliated. This could end up meaning a possible 3rd party run. But for starters it means that none of the GOP candidates have done a good enough job of kissing his… “ring.”
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For NBA fans, the meaningless preseason games are over. And on Christmas morning the meaningless regular season games start.
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Hell has frozen over moment? USA Today projects the winner of the NBA’s Western Conference Pacific Division as the Clippers.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Air Jordan shoe jokes, Christmas shopping jokes, GOP jokes, Monta Ellis jokes, NBA jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Romney jokes
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December 10, 2011
Penn State’s “Office of Licensing Programs” issued a letter to vendors saying effective immediately “Penn State will no longer approve any designs featuring Mr. Paterno’s name, likeness, and/or image.” Shame when the abuse allegations first came to light that the university wasn’t so quick to sever all ties to Jerry Sandusky.
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Rick Perry’s latest math gem – referring to the “eight unelected and frankly unaccountable judges” on the Supreme Court. Well, to be fair, nine is a much bigger number than three.
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Perry also referred to Supreme Court justice Sonya Sotomayor as “Montemayor.” Who knew, in a few short years another Texas governor would make George W. look articulate.
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A lot of controversy now over whether Browns QB Colt McCoy should have been allowed back in the game after a helmet on helmet hit from the Steelers James Harrison. Some say now that McCoy wasn’t coherent. But that never stopped Terry Bradshaw.
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Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, in criticizing the proposed Chris Paul to the Lakers trade said “When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?”
Actually, Gilbert was wrong. 16 NBA teams make the playoffs every year. We should only consider changing the name of 14 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals.
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UCLA forward Reeves Nelson has now been dismissed from the team. This for bad behavior during his second suspension from the team this year. (And missing a team flight to Maui.) So Nelson’s punishment? Not playing for a team that is second from last in the Pac-12, and hanging out playing pickup games until the NBA draft. Rough.
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Men’s Health magazine declared the “Hottest Woman of all Time” to be…. Jennifer Aniston. Okay, now maybe as a straight woman I’m not a good judge, but most of my male friends didn’t even think Jennifer Aniston was the hottest woman on “Friends.”
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In threatening to cancel his debate, Donald Trump said he was particularly upset with Michele Bachmann for dropping out, because she’d come to see him four times and he had helped promote her as a candidate. Said the Donald, it’s actually called “loyalty.” Interesting choice of words from a man who’s been married 3 times.
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Jon Stewart said “Thank you, Jesus” when he heard about Donald Trump moderating a debate. Now Trump may cancel the debate because only Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich are participating. Guess Jesus figured we needed to be satisfied with Tim Tebow.
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A woman was arrested in a Tulsa Walmart, allegedly for trying to mix meth using chemicals she found in the store. Was she busted for doing something illegal, or for potentially undercutting Walmart’s meth prices?
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Ohio State still awaits word on possible football sanctions for “failure to monitor” their program. But OSU did get a NCAA special waiver to let incoming coach 2012 Urban Meyer begin recruiting. (Otherwise he would put them over the limit of allowed coaches.) This gives the Buckeyes a nice head start over teams with coaches in bowl games. Can’t imagine how the NCAA gets the image of favoring big conferences.
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So maybe we should talk about NBA players wearing helmets? Golden State Warriors guard Charlie Bell was jailed for several hours yesterday when he showed up for a court hearing legally drunk. The hearing was for his DUI case. (Really. You cannot make this “stuff” up.)
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Kim Kardashian’s had a special “limited edition” (only 1000 bottles produced) LOVE perfume created for her wedding. Now the fragrance is part of a holiday gift set at Macy’s. Guess the “limited” part was as real as the marriage.
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Occupy Wall Street members in New York staged a protest that shut down production of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.” Wonder how long it will take for the show to write an episode about it.
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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Tom Cruise wants to make a sequel to ‘Top Gun’ 25-years later; in this one Cruise shakes his fist at the bogeys and yells; “Slow down, punks, this is a neighborhood.”
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Follow up thoughts.
Does Cruise scream “I feel the need, for a pee?
or “You punks get off my tarmac?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: NBA jokes, NFL jokes, Penn State jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 30, 2011
Herman Cain said he didn’t have a affair, but he simply helped a friend financially. Instead of a “Sugar Daddy” does that make him a “Sugar Cain?”
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Who says there’s no American ingenuity anymore? San Francisco supervisors voted to ban free toys in children’s meal. And McDonald’s is complying, by charging 10 cents for a Happy Meal toy. (All proceeds going to build a SF Ronald McDonald house for sick children.)
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Rick Perry warned that if elected he will deal with uncooperative federal workers by reassigning them “to some really God-awful place.” Well, at least Perry didn’t say he’d go postal on them.
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Wouldn’t it be fun if one of Herman Cain’s girlfriends was named “Nina-Nina-Nina?”
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Herman Cain apparently told his staff Tuesday he is “reassessing” the viability of his campaign after Ginger White’s allegations of their 13 year affair. “Say it ain’t so” cried the nation’s comedy writers.
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Maybe Newt Gingrich is smarter than we thought. Get all the affairs (that we know off) out of the way years before running for office. Americans have short memories and they love repented sinners.
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Rick Perry spoke to a group of New Hampshire college students and told them he’d “appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by Nov. 12.” (The election is Nov 6, 2012.) Good thing Perry forgot the third thing he was going to tell them.
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Ann Coulter was bleeped out on MSNBC this morning when she appeared to call John McCain (R-Ariz) a “douche bag.” Was she bleeped for the language, or because MSNBC thinks either Gingrich, Cain or Romney is the real “douche bag?”
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American Airlines declared bankruptcy this morning. Wonder how long it will take them to turn that into a ticket surcharge.
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Hardest speechwriting job amongst those writing for GOP primary candidates -writing for Mitt Romney. He/she doesn’t just need to contradict the words of other candidates, but also to contradict the words of the old Romney.
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The Chicago Cubs are apparently in the running for Albert Pujols. Guess new GM Theo Epstein figures now that Pujols has a ring, he might want to spend more time with his family and have Octobers off.
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Dr. Conrad Murray got a four year jail sentence today. Wonder how many days or weeks that is in Lindsay Lohan sentence years.
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Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Caldwell fired the team’s defensive coordinator and announced a QB change, saying “We feel this is the most effective and realistic way to move forward and win games this season.” Yes, that’s “games” Plural. If this coaching gig doesn’t work out Caldwell has a great future in stand-up comedy.
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One of many questions about the various college football scandals, from Syracuse and Penn State to the more mundane ones about money. How do these smart coaches always claim their focus is all on their “kids,” but at the same time claim they have zero idea of anything bad that might be going on?
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Actually are coaches at major universities becoming the better paid equivalent of political wives? “Of course I had no reason to suspect him….”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cain affair jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Penn State jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 14, 2011
Herman Cain is now at least the third GOP candidate to claim God told him to enter the Presidential race. (After Bachmann and Perry.) Maybe God really wants President Obama to be re-elected?
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So what do Jon Huntsman and Ron Paul have to do to get airtime at GOP debates? Start harrassing women and forgetting how to count?
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So when do we get to see the GOP debate we’ve all been waiting for? The one when Mitt Romney debates himself.
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Sorry, Detroit Lions: Even Rick Perry can think of three good reasons not to kick it to Devin Hester.
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One of the NY Giants said before today’s game against the Patriots that you “can’t spell ‘elite’ without Eli.” You can’t spell “unraveling” either.
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AirTrans is being sued over live cockroaches that appeared on one of their flights. On Europe’s Ryanair, they’d probably charge extra for the wildife viewing. (Or the snacks.)
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Stanford’s QB looked awfully human yesterday. Which might have been bad news for the Washington Redskins. Since the Miami Dolphins appear to have decided they no longer need to “Suckforluck.”
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A George Washington University professor of medicine resigned last month amidst allegations that she did not teach some of her classes but gave all of those students As. No confirmation on the rumor that she has received a half dozen offers to teach sports medicine to SEC football players.
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Maybe some of the Philadelphia Eagles missed their calling in not playing hockey. Seems like they would be better in a game with only three periods.
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Congrats to the ageless John Kasay: Four field goals today for the Saints including the winning kick in overtime. He may end up the first kicker to make a 50 yard field goal in his 50s.
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Kate Von D. apparently posed a angry letter today about the 19 women she said her ex-fiance (and Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband) Jesse James cheated on her with in the past year. Sounds like Kate was the only person who was surprised this happened.
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But really, 19 women in a year? Who does Jesse James think he is? Tiger Woods?
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Interesting sidelight to the Penn State story. The media is reporting that 15 adults either saw Sandusky or had “direct knowledge” of his acts and did nothing to stop him. NONE of those adults were women.
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Bus to hell moment: Gloria Cain defended her husband against allegations of sexual harrassment by saying “I know that’s not the person he is. He totally respects women.”
Not doubting Mrs. Cain’s sincerity, but isn’t it likely if asked that Mrs. Sandusky would have said of her husband “He totally loves children?”
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Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: GOP debate jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Rick Perry jokes
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November 3, 2011
Moving to the Big East would mean a chance to get a guaranteed BCS bowl spot for Boise State, not to mention a lot more money. So the Idaho State Board of Education has given the school permission to pursue Big East membership. Maybe Boise State can use some that money to offer classes in Geography.
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Thinking the number one Oxymoron of the 21st century has to be “Reality TV Star.”
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Speaking of which: Some sources said that Kim Kardashian’s marriage broke up in part because Kim didn’t like Kris spending “her hard earned money.” Can someone tell me exactly what Kim actually does to “earn” money
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Peyton Manning told reporters that he’s spending every day in rehab and hasn’t given up on playing in a game in 2011. Colts fans who have been watching the team this year and watching Andrew Luck responded “Peyton, take it easy. Spend time with your family and don’t push it…”.
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Rick Perry, said in response to Jon Stewart’s suggestion that he was drunk during his New Hampshire speech, that he had not been drinking, but “It’s not that I wouldn’t love to sit down with Jon and have a glass of wine. If he’ll buy.”
Think it’s time to start a fund or a facebook group of those of us willing to contribute to the “Buy whatever wine Perry wants if he will sit down with Jon Stewart for a Daily Show interview.”
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Justin Bieber, 17, is being sued by a 20 year old woman who claims he is the father of her 3 month old baby. Now, I know not all Christians wait to get married before they have children these days, but most of them wait until puberty.
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Sad Giants news. Matty Alou passed away today. He was 72. Barely over the age at which SF might have signed him as a free agent to play in front of one of their rookies.
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Baseball gave out their “Silver Slugger” awards today to the best offensive players at each position in each league. If there were an opposite “Lead Slugger” award the SF Giants would no doubt lead the NL.
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Free-agent lefthanderJamie Moyer, who is about to turn 49, has been throwing for scouts recently and apparently stands a good chance of being offered a big league contract. Moyer’s goal, to be the first MLB player whose age is a higher number than the speed of his fastball.
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Herman Cain is accusing Rick Perry’s campaign of leaking the harassment stories. Maybe they think Perry is jealous of having sexual rumors flying around about women?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Herman Cain jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA football jokes, Rick Perry jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 