Posted tagged ‘Iowa jokes’

Dropping like flies

February 4, 2016

The Broncos’ Peyton Manning admitted being told he will probably need hip replacement surgery in future. Fortunately, he should have access to the best paleontologists.

Jeb Bush’s Super Pac spent $14,900,000 in Iowa and he got 5,238 votes. That’s $2844 per vote. With that kind of overspending maybe Jeb should forget being President and aim for being GM of the LA Dodgers.

Ah, Super Bowl media week. So Cam Newton was asked if he was “the Lebron James of the NFL?” He basically replied, “Why can’t Lebron be the Cam Newton of the NBA?”

Surprised actually that Cam didn’t respond “What, you think I’m only the second best player now in the NFL?”

A story has emerged now that in 1998, John Elway turned down a deal, that amongst other things, would have let him buy 10% of the Denver Broncos for $15 million. And here Stanford fans think Elway’s biggest mistake was in clock management at the end of Big Game 1982.

( For non-Stanford fans, Elway called a time out with 8 seconds left before what he expected would be a game-winning field goal. Had he taken it down to less, the FG would have run out the clock. And Stanford would never have had to kick to Cal, and their own band…)

The lawyer for Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the D.C. Madam, who hung herself in 2008 after being convicted for racketeering and prostitution charges, wants to release her black book naming over 800 clients. And he claims it could elect the Presidential election.
Well, gosh, and things have been so dull up to this point….

Rand Paul today became the latest to drop out of the 2016 Presidential race, saying. “It’s been an incredible honor to run a principled campaign for the White House.” “Principled campaign?” Proving again he had no chance from the start. ‪#‎wedontneednostinkingprinciples‬

Rick Santorum is the latest to drop out of the GOP Presidential race. Shocking millions of Americans who thought he quit running after 2012.

Trump has now tweeted that “Based on the fraud committed by Senator Ted Cruz during the Iowa caucus either a new election should take place or Cruz results nullified.”
So all those who were worried that Trump’s gracious and reasonable speech Monday night signaled the circus might be winding down – uh, not exactly.

Although the email has emerged sent by Ted Cruz’s deputy campaign director “The press is reporting that Dr. Ben Carson is taking time off from the campaign trail after Iowa and making a big announcement next week. Please inform any Carson caucus goers of this news and urge them to caucus for Cruz.”
It’s this sort of classy behavior that has earned Ted the title “Most Hated Man in the Senate.”


Someone in Southern California who won a $63 million Lottery Jackpot last August will lose it all if they don’t claim the money by Feb 4. Heck, and most of feel badly when we misplace a bill or a check


Almost winning?

February 2, 2016

Can’t wait for the Steve Harvey interview with Donald Trump on his Iowa Caucus win last night.


The House today failed to override President Obama’s veto of a bill to repeal Obamacare. So maybe Paul Ryan actually has a sense of humor in scheduling the vote on Groundhog Day?


Almost all signs of the SF 49ers have been removed from Levi’s Stadium for Super Bowl weekend. Except for the red seats.  But that won’t be a problem. Unlike for most of the late season 49ers games, on Sunday those seats will actually have fans sitting in them.


Colin Kaepernick apparently wants out with the SF 49ers to play for the Jets. This is like an elephant trying to abandon Barnum & Bailey’s for Ringling Brothers


The Broncos have sent rookie safety Ryan Murphy home after he was detained and questioned as part of a prostitution sting today. Really? You’re part of a a Super Bowl team and you can’t even find sex for free? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎rookiemistake‬

The Cleveland Browns will apparently release Johnny Manziel in March. So much for his prediction of “wrecking this league.” Looks like what Manziel was really good at was wrecking his career.

The CDC now says that any woman of childbearing age not using birth control should abstain from alcohol. Uh, isn’t drinking how many babies get conceived in the first place?

Hillary Clinton apparently won six Iowa precincts by coin toss. So maybe that answers one question “Whatever happened to those Patriots ballboys?”

Groundhog Day happening at about the same time as the Iowa caucuses is very confusing. So did that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head see his shadow or not?

Just when we were about to utter the magic words “Who cares any more about Iowa?” comes the news that Bernie Sanders is not ready to concede. So maybe all those reporters better not check out of their rooms yet.

Marissa Mayer says Yahoo will lay off 15% of its global workforce and close five offices. And this plan “will enable us to accelerate Yahoo’s transformation.” So sounds like Ms. Mayer is well on her way to following Carly Fiorina into politics.


So the Sacramento Kings nixed a Chinese New Year t-shirt giveaway because it referenced “Year of the Monkey” and had a purple money on it. DeMarcus Cousins and others apparently thought it was “racially insensitive” on the first day of Black History Month.
Now, I’m generally liberal and proud of it but where does this stop? Cops vetoing “Year of the Pig? Lawyers vetoing “Year of the Snake?” Or some white voters complaining about “Year of the Sheep?

Last night CNN covered Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Clinton and Sanders speeches. Fox News only covered the GOP candidates. So fair and balanced only means between “right” and “far right?”

After Iowa

February 1, 2016

So the 2016 caucuses in Iowa are over.  No doubt someone will be setting up a potential campaign office for 2020 tomorrow.


#‎IowaCaucus‬ numbers: ‪#‎Huckabee‬ – 3,305 ‪#‎Christie‬ – 3,247. So NJ Gov. got 57 fewer votes less than guy who suspended his campaign tonight.

Record number of GOP caucus goers in Iowa. The turnout, at 150,000, is about the same as a good three-day ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎LADodgers‬ series.

#‎MarcoRubio‬ gives a great victory speech – thanking 39,000 Iowans for his third place finish. ‪#‎IowaCaucus‬

Marco Rubio does an awfully good job of attacking Hillary Clinton for not keeping her personal and work emails separate for someone who has been almost indicted for, at best, not keeping his personal and work credit cards separate.

Some say the young Senator Marco Rubio is a GOP Barack Obama.  One major difference – one of Obama’s parents was actually a U.S. citizen.

Breaking news from 2012 – Mike ‪#‎Huckabee‬ has just suspended his Presidential campaign.

Martin O’Malley says he will suspend his Presidential campaign. And millions of American in unison respond “who?

#‎MartinOMalley‬ just suspended campaign. Wonder if he’s found moving company to return him from midwest to ‪#‎Baltimore‬ in middle of night?

Ah Donald. In Council Bluffs, Iowa, Trump went to church, mistook the communion plate for the collection plate and tried to put in an donation. Well, when this election is over he can relax and start not going to services except for weddings again.

Adele said through a spokesman that she has NOT given Donald Trump permission to play her “Rolling in the Deep” and “Skyfall,” So how long until Trump adds the British onto his anti-immigrant list?

President Obama has announced $1 billion in funding over the next two years in an effort to cure cancer. Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.

Now Jerry Falwell, Jr, has endorsed Trump. Forget the clown car, it’s looking like SRO on the clown private jet.

Apparently a couple of the Denver Broncos’ team buses were involved in a minor traffic accident – “a small wreck” according to one of the players.  No injuries reported. So the biggest wreck in this postseason still remains Carlson Palmer.

Jim Harbaugh just wrote that he returned to Michigan because he loves the school and Ann Arbor. Well, that and he was thoroughly out of love with the 49ers and Jed York/Trent Baalke.

Another day, another fire story. Maybe if we really want to stop ISIL we should just start shipping them hoverboards.

American Airlines is the latest to trumpet that free snacks are coming back to domestic flights. Really amazing, not that many years ago airlines gave us free meals, now they expect gratitude for free snacks. Kind of the travel equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome.

The Cleveland Cavaliers’ recent strong play was apparently sparked by a players-only meeting. Not sure what was discussed but maybe “Hey guys, we just got a 30-11 coach fired, if we don’t step it up fans will think it just might be OUR fault.”

Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson, told a crowd at a Ted Cruz rally that same-sex marriage is “evil” and “wicked.” Right, instead men should do as he says and did and “marry girls when they’re 15 or 16.” (Phil’ wife Kay was 16.)


February 1, 2016

So guess ‪#‎EvePlumb‬ got through all of ‪#‎GreaseLive‬ without even one round of “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia….”

And who knew Fox’s “Grease Live” would be the most entertaining live event of the day.   Okay, maybe with the NHL All-Star game and NFL Pro Bowl they didn’t have much competition.   But it was fun.


So a) how lousy was the Pro Bowl as a game and/or b) how dangerous is football, that what seems like half the NFL turned down a free trip to Hawaii to avoid it?

So considering the number of dropouts, declines and “injured” players, should the MVP for the ‪#‎ProBowl‬ get a participation trophy?

Good news tonight, Feb 1, we’ll finally have actual results in Iowa. Better news, we’ll be only 16 days from pitchers & catchers reporting


Apparently rumors of El Chapo escaping again are just a hoax. So you’re still alive if you have February in the pool.

The NY Times noted this quote from an email sent to Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder that a state nurse told one young mother to not worry when her son’s blood showed an elevated lead level. “It is just a few IQ points. … It is not the end of the world,”
So was the tainted water part of a plot to create more GOP voters?

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said Hillary Clinton won’t be Indicted “based on what we know.” I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that phrase sounds similar to Clinton in 2008 saying Barack Obama wasn’t a Muslim “as far as I know.”


Regarding the Clinton email situation it’s good to see how all the people who are up in arms over the potential security risks and want indictments are the same ones who wanted to indict Cheney and others in the Bush administration over Valerie Plame…. Oops, never mind.

Marco Rubio said that Bernie Sanders “is a good candidate for President of Sweden.”. What’s next, him saying Ted Cruz should be President of Canada?

(Sweden is a constitutional monarchy -with a Prime Minister, like Canada.)


For all the fuss about the Iowa caucuses, an interesting side note is that you must be registered with a party to caucus, and there are many independents. So not only is Iowa a relatively small state, the turnout is approximately 15 percent of its registered voters.


Many of the GOP candidates in Iowa have gone to Crossroads Sports in Des Moines for shooting and target practice. If publicity is the goal, wouldn’t it have been more interesting for them to schedule duels?

Todd Weiler, a GOP state senator in Utah, has introduced legislation to declare porn a “public health hazard” and an epidemic. Weiler is comparing naysayers to climate change deniers – “These are scientific facts, just like global warming,”
What a shocking story.. A GOP legislator believes in global warming?


Apparently the NFL was trying to sell suites for the Super Bowl for $500,000 to $1 million, but the remaining suites have fallen in price to about $150,000. Wow. and that’s with all the corporations who buy the suites recouping some of their costs by writing them off as deductions. ‪#‎ourtaxdollarsatwork‬


Ted Cruz, campaigning against Michelle Obama’s healthy eating efforts:
“Let me say something to the school-aged kids here. “If Heidi Cruz becomes the next first lady, French fries are coming back to the cafeteria.’
Because U.S. kids don’t get enough junk food? ‪#‎MakeAmericafatagain‬


Ted Cruz’s campaign in Iowa is sending out mailers saying “ACTION ALERT: VOTER VIOLATION,” “PUBLIC RECORD” and “FURTHER ACTION NEEDED.” With this text “You are receiving this election notice because of low expected voter turnout in your area. Your individual voting history as well as your neighbors’ are public record. Their scores are published below, and many of them will see your score as well. CAUCUS ON MONDAY TO IMPROVE YOUR SCORE and please encourage your neighbors to caucus as well. A follow-up notice may be issued following Monday’s caucuses.”

So Cruz is trying to prove he’s really American because Canadians wouldn’t be that scummy?

Not watered down.

January 30, 2016


The situation in Flint has made some nervous about New Orleans’ drinking water because the city still has some lead pipes from the early 1900s still in use. Solution for locals? Beer, wine, and whiskey neat.


A Delta Air Lines flight from Los Angeles to Minneapolis had to make an unscheduled landing in Salt Lake City because two flight female flight attendants got into a on board fistfight over “work issues” No word on if the airline also charged passengers a “catfight” fee.


Wonder what the polls will say on Monday about ‪#‎Iowa‬. Wait, we’re going to have actual VOTES?!!  Or caucus votes at least.  What a concept.

Iowa caucuses and “The Bachelor” both will be on TV Monday night. Difference at this point is that “The Bachelor” has more plausible human beings.


Police were called over an “incident” potentially involving Johnny Manziel and his ex-girlfriend early Saturday morning.  So congrats to all those who had January 30 in the last pool.

In Benicia, California, an FBI badge, credentials and three handguns were stolen from a secured FBI vehicle parked overnight in a neighborhood, What could possibly go wrong?. ‪#‎goodguywithagunbecomesstupidguywithoutguns‬




“The Revenant” didn’t get Best Picture at the SAG awards. So those who enjoy watching a winner emerge from white-on-white violence will just have to wait until the Iowa caucuses.

Cliven Bundy says now that LaVoy Finicum was “assassinated” during the wildlife refuge occupation. “These men in local, state, and U.S. government feared the truths that LaVoy Finicum was standing for….”
Well, that ought to really help Cliven’s son Ammon’s chances for bail.

Donald Trump is referring repeatedly to Ted Cruz as an “anchor baby.” But is Trump himself a host for the foreign–born furry thing that lives on his head?




From T.C. “If you bet on this weekend’s Pro Bowl, you are a degenerate. If you bet on both the Pro Bowl and the NHL All Star game, you need counseling.”

Fear and loathing

January 26, 2016

Donald Trump is now saying he will “definitely” skip Thursday’s GOP debate on Fox. So this man thinks he can stand up to America’s enemies, and he can’t even stand up to Megyn Kelly?


Donald Trump & Sarah Palin have done so much for Megyn Kelly & Tina Fey’s careers/earning potential they could almost ask for royalties?



Unclear on the concept – Trump says he doesn’t want to debate because Megyn Kelly is a “lightweight.” Uh, to use a sports analogy, no NBA team is upset this year to see the Lakers or 76ers next on their schedule.

Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Well, of course he did. Assume the self-styled “America’s Toughest Sheriff” has designs on being Attorney General?

And now John Rocker is endorsing Trump. Wow. Anyone heard from Archie Bunker lately?

Missouri QB Maty Mauk has been suspended from the football program for the third time since September. The first was a violation of team rules, the second after a dispute in a bar, and this time after a video surfaced of him allegedly smoking cocaine. Even Johnny Manziel is thinking “Dude, get it together.”

Tom Delay is claiming the FBI is “ready to indict” Hillary Clinton. Well, I guess Delay does consider himself an expert on indictments.

Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin reportedly fractured his hand during an argument with a member of the team’s equipment staff.  So was the injury during the fight itself, or when the guy moved towards Griffin and Blake flopped?


Peyton Manning reportedly told Bill Belichick after the AFC Championship that this *(Super Bowl) might be my last rodeo.” And Belichick no doubt was thinking “We expected THIS game to be your last rodeo.”

In a week the first 2016 Presidential caucuses will be over. And then we can go back to not caring about Iowa for four years.

Reports of hearing gunshots at Naval Medical Center San Diego apparently were a false alarm. But now everyone at the Center will be banned from playing “Call of Duty” without the sound muted.


The SF 49ers hired as their new defensive coordinator the Browns’ Jim O’Neill. So no one told them Cleveland’s only good defensive performance last year was against San Francisco?

New York Jets lineman Sheldon Richardson was placed on 2 years probation after pleading guilty to reduced charges stemming from a July police chase in St. Louis. He allegedly drove up to 143 mph, resisted arrest, and was found to have a loaded handgun under the floor mat. Police also detected a “strong marijuana” odor in the car.
Richardson served a four-game suspension this year for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. but his lawyer doesn’t expect additional discipline.
Once again, it’s part of the league’s strict “12 strikes and you’re out” policy.

Today’s Darwin nominee: Michigan police say a man who killed in a single car rollover accident in Detroit wasn’t wearing pants and was watching porn while driving. Women are going “How appalling stupid can you be?” Men are going “You can do that?”

Breaking news that Oregon protest leader Ammon Bundy and others have been arrested; 1 person is reportedly dead. ‪#‎Ifonlytheywerearmed‬…. no, wait, never mind.

In Kentucky, a federal judge has ruled that the state cannot deny millions of $$ in a tourism tax incentive to a religious group building a Noah’s Ark attraction, citing First Amendment grounds. Alrighty then, who’s ready to join me in supporting a Wiccan theme park? Or “Atheist World?” Or heck, why not “Mecca Land?”


January 20, 2016

#‎SarahPalin‬ has endorsed ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬. Well, narcissists of a feather…..

Or maybe Palin just likes Trump’s style, between his bankruptcies and divorces, Donald has does a fair share of quitting himself.

Not that I am a fan of the Patriots nor their QB, but Broncos DE Antonio Smith says Brady’s a crybaby because “I’ve never seen any quarterback look to the referee right after he gets sacked.more” So instead of Brady whining to the ref, Smith is whining to the media? ‪#‎potmeetkettle‬


So forecasters are predicting a major storm MIGHT dump over a foot of snow on the East Coast. Or it might not . “Depending on where this tracks, we could see a ton of snow or we could see nothing,” said National Weather Service Kevin Kacan.
But why let possibilities get in the way of a good media panic-fest?

Airline brilliance in action: Have a client on an American flight, at airport hours early, wide-open earlier flight, and they say $75 to get on it. Whereas the flight he is on, with a decent seat, is more full, and has no aisles left, so they could at least resell the seat assignment. And these carriers wonder why people hate them.

Sarah Palin’s 26-year-old divorced son Track was arrested last night for allegedly punching and kicking his girlfriend, while apparently waving a gun around. ‪#‎familyvalues‬ ‪#‎ifonlySHEwerearmed‬

Donald Trump seems unconcerned about his referring to a line from the bible as “Two Corinthians” rather than “Second Corinthians.” Although it does seem with Trumps followers that he could say Jesus married Mary Magdalene and they’d shrug it off too.

More on the Donald’s and his Corinthians (“Two”vs. “Second”). You would think that someone who has been married as often as Trump would remember how it goes. Because “First Corinthians” is quoted at so many weddings “Love is patient, love is kind…

The President of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences says she is “heartbroken and frustrated” about this year’s nominees, and they will “dramatic steps to alter the makeup of our membership.” So it just occurred to them that 94% Caucasian and 77% male with an average age of 62 isn’t great for diversity?

Okay, now ‪#‎affluenza‬ teen Ethan Couch’s lawyer is claiming his client may have been taken “involuntarily to Mexico.” Right, as if that young man would pay attention to any adult, including his mother.



The password management company SplashData has come up with a list of the most popular passwords. Numbers 1-6 are, in order, 123456, password, 12345678, qwerty, 12345, and 123456789.

Thinking if you have any of those, you’re eligible for the hacking equivalent of a Darwin award.


An Italian surgeon is seeking donations to perform the world’s first ever human head transplant. No shortage of opportunities no doubt for head volunteers – based on some recent polls seems certain a lot of Americans aren’t using theirs.

Although, whatever you think of this election it will be a very nice change when the front-runners are actually decided by actual VOTES, as opposed to polls. For what it’s worth, in both England and Canada’s recent elections pollsters were badly wrong. And for that matter, they didn’t do that well on last fall’s U.S. elections either.


Rosy feeling

January 2, 2016

#Iowa discovered today it’s a lot easier to tip a cow than ‪#‎McCaffery ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎fearthetree‬


#‎Pac12‬ would be perfect in bowl games if weren’t for those underachieving schools from Southern California.

Christian McCaffery’s older brother is a WR at Duke, his younger brother Dylan will be a senior QB in HS & has accepted a scholarship to Colorado. Youngest brother Luke was JV QB last year. Note to ‪#‎Stanford‬ and ‪#‎DavidShaw‬: Recruit him now.

So to be a Power Five conference shouldn’t you actually have to win some bowl games? ‪#‎NotsoBig12‬

Overhead shot of the ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ in the 4th quarter. Where did all the yellow fans go? ‪#‎Iowa‬ ‪#‎Stanford‬

So have to wonder, what did ‪#‎Iowa‬ coach tell his team at ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ halftime?

So you think there are any ‪#‎Heisman‬ voters wanting a mulligan? ‪#‎RoseBowl‬ ‪#‎McCaffery‬. ‪#‎Stanford‬

Brent Musburger very disappointed in ‪#‎McCaffery‬. Christian doesn’t have a known gorgeous girlfriend who Brent can droll over. ‪#‎RoseBowl‬

Stealth bomber again shown flying over the ‪#‎RoseBowl‬. So isn’t it supposed to be invisible?

Most of college football would like to thank Jim ‪#‎Harbaugh‬ and ‪#‎Michigan‬ for standing up today against idea of ‪#‎SEC‬ dominance. ‪#‎Citrusbowl‬

Note to Stanford grad Carly Fiorina – you’re better off panderingto Iowa with ethanol. And you’re as good at picking teams as you were at running HP. This tweet today “Love my alma mater, but rooting for a Hawkeyes win today. ‪#‎RoseBowl‬

Sometimes you post on social media and later it’s “What was I thinking?”

Not this time though, posted a message to a friend doing ESPN stats for the Rose Bowl  (note time and date) “Hope McCaffery wears you out looking for offensive records that he breaks smile emoticon
December 30, 2015 at 11:17am”

(not that I had the courage of my convictions enough actually to BET on the game, or the records 🙂

Ohio State DE Joey Bosa, the likely 1st NFL draft pick was ejected in the 1st quarter of the Fiesta Bowl today for targeting. Well, heck, if he was going to be gone that fast, Bosa could have just done something more fun like missed curfew to party in Scottsdale.

At least Bosa did prove he is NFL ready.

Bill Cosby apparently sent out a tweet “Friends and fans, Thank You.” Not sure about ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ But certainly ‪#‎cantfixtonedeaf‬.


Oh, father….

January 5, 2012

Los Angeles archdiocese auxiliary bishop Gabino Zavala has resigned after admitting he fathered 2 children. On a brighter note for the church, at least this means he was having sex with an adult woman.

Michele Bachmann said she is ending her campaign for President. Not sure who is more upset, her hundreds of hard-core supporters, or the nation’s comedy writers.

Although Michele Bachman dropped out of the GOP presidential race, she also said “”There are many more chapters to be written.” You know what that means…. yet another failed-candidate book deal.

Iowa caucuses are not a punch a ballot kind of thing. You have to go in, listen to speeches, talk to people, etc. It can take hours. Yet 58 people in the Iowa caucuses voted for Herman Cain. Did they think they were getting a free pizza or somethng?

The San Diego Chargers are sticking with coach Norv Turner. This is great news, for the rest of the AFC West.

In Sonoma County, California, two CHP air officers just arrested a pilot of a single-engine plane for allegedly flying while intoxicated. In the man’s defense, he said he was training to be a commercial pilot for Delta Airlines.

Why computer programmers should take basic geography. Checking on the Starwood website for a hotel for a client in Princeville, Kauai. The first result? The Sheraton Waikiki, 21.87 miles away. At least the site didn’t give drive time.

Despite the results in Iowa, Rick Perry is moving ahead to South Carolina. Should we be shocked? We all know how good the Texas Governor is at math.

Michele Bachmann said her husband Marcus spent the last day of the campaign in Iowa “buying doggie sunglasses for our dog Boomer.” Can’t imagine how those gay rumors got started.

Rick Santorum is now calling Mitt Romney a “bland, boring career politician.” Not true, Mitt hasn’t been in office since 2006. He’s more of a “bland, boring career candidate.”

Barack Obama today sidestepped the Senate confirmation process by using a recess appointment to make Richard Cordray the first director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. And the GOP is angry. Very angry. Gosh, does that mean Republicans in Congress might start not working with the President?

ESPN cameras caught Stanford kicker Jordan Williamson praying on the sidelines before missing a potential game-winning kick in the Fiesta Bowl. Feel sorry for the kid but maybe he’s been too caught up in his studies and bowl preparation to have noticed – lately prayer hasn’t been working out too well on the field for Tim Tebow

From T.C. Stanford’s place kicker would be a star punter. All his kicks seem to be locked on “left coffin corner”

Meanwhile, Michigan’s Brendan Gibbons, who was 1 for 5 last year, won the Sugar Bowl for the Wolverines with a 37-yard field goal in overtime. He claimed he made the kick by thinking about “brunette girls.”

“Brunette girls,” huh. Does that mean Stanford’s kicker was thinking about blond girls?

In the Orange Bowl, West Virginia beat Clemson 70-33. Well, that’s one way not to stress out your place kicker – don’t even ask him to attempt a field goal. (But give Tyler Bitancurt credit, he was 10 for 10 on extra points.)

End of the line?

August 13, 2011

Volatile Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano now says he is retiring. He says he wants to spend more time throwing at his family.

In Iowa, Saturday is the Ames Straw Poll for GOP Presidential candidates. Not really sure on the point of a straw poll -maybe we can say the winner s*cks the most?

All this fuss about the Iowa straw poll. Is it really a good idea to give that much power in picking a U.S. President to a state where a popular food is deep-fried butter?

(Thinking back to that line in “Field of Dreams,” – “Is this heaven? No it’s Iowa.” Maybe that deep-fried butter is a way to get to heaven faster.)

Sarah Palin said she will decide about running for President by September. Sounds reasonable. That gives her plenty of time to drop out halfway through the primaries

The latest college football realignment rumor is that Florida State will also move to the SEC. Now, I’m not a rules expert, but wouldn’t the Seminoles need to get some approvals from parole officers first?

Tacky, but… an 18 year old has been kicked off the U.S. Ski Team’s Development squad after he got so drunk (yeah, 18, I know) before a JetBlue flight that he ended up urinating on an 11 year old girl who was also a passenger on the flight. Talk about piss poor judgment.

Kim Kardashian’s wedding is about one week away. Can someone explain to me why we should care?

Pittsburgh Pirates came into SF with 10 game losing streak. Florida Marlins had 7 game losing streak. How do you spell relief? G-I-A-N-T-S H-I-T-T-I-N-G.

Sesame Street producers say Ernie and Bert are “just friends” and there is no need for them to get married. But what of other longtime companions out there? Like Rocky and Bullwinkle….

So this weekend at the PGA championship will be Tiger-less. For television executives it will go down in recent history as the “cruelest cut.”

From T.C. that TW logo on Tiger’s hat now equals Train Wreck

Ah, the generosity of corporations. The price of oil is dropping. So how is Delta Airlines reacting? By announcing a $100 international surcharge on tickets purchased after August 15.

Here we go again, another Texas Governor running for President. What is that line about “Those who cannot remember the past….?”

Of course, I’m biased, the only Texas Governor I would have voted for for President was Ann Richards.

News reports are saying that Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty got into a spirited exchange in the Iowa debate. Surprised Minnesotans think this is the first time they’ve seen “Pawlenty’ and “spirited” in the same sentence.

Lastly, an open note to readers, you are welcome to quote anything I write IF you give attribution – – or just janice hough. But no fun at all to see verbatim quotes – on – for example, as someone else’s work. Not cool either.