Posted tagged ‘Pro Bowl jokes’

And the nominees are….

January 25, 2017

Oscar nominations are out & least this year #OscarsnotsoWhite. Alas, instead, we have #WhiteHousesoWhite

 

And here we go again with Oscar snubs, but to be fair, the Brooklyn Nets haven’t done a great job of acting like a professional NBA team.

So did Meryl Streep really get her 20th Oscar nomination for Florence Foster Jenkins…. or because the Academy really wants to see her take another shot at Donald Trump?

 

These Sean Spicer press conferences making Americans look forward to serious deep analysis of Super Bowl media week.

Some controversy over Steve Kerr saying that NBA players made a “mockery” of All-Star voting. And really, who did they think they are – fans?

Philip Rivers was added to the Pro Bowl today and says he looks forward to the opportunity to play one more game as a San Diego Charger.
Guessing it will also be an opportunity for Rivers to get used to the size and enthusiasm of the crowds the Chargers will play in front of in Los Angeles

SF 49ers have announced they are freezing season-ticket prices for the next two seasons. Wonder how many fans are holding out until the team starts paying THEM?

President Trump is hanging a panoramic photo of his Inauguration Day in the press room at the White House; the picture was was taken from an angle showing a good-sized crowd. This was all more fun when he was just concerned about the size of hands.

 

Imagine if after game 7 champion wins Lebron James or Joe Maddon immediately started claiming cheating officials kept Cavs & Cubs from 4-0 sweeps.

The anti-narcissist: After Toronto Raptors coach Dwane Casey said Spurs coach Gregg Popovich was “the best in sports,” Pop’s reply “That’s very flattering but obviously untrue. I’ve been around a long time and we’ve won some games, and if you’ve forgotten, I got to coach Tim Duncan. That made me look pretty good.”

f Democrats really managed to get 3 million illegals to vote wouldn’t they have bused in some in to WI, MI, FL or PA?

 

3-5 million voted illegally? Well, WI & MI are near Canada, NC & FL are coastal. Time to investigate potential foreign Trump voters?

Trump says he’s going to “send in the Feds” if the “carnage” in Chicago doesn’t stop. Yeah, that worked so well at Kent State.

Donald Trump is going to block all visas into the U.S. for peoole from Iraq. Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen, in theory to stop terrorists. Not that history, even recent history, is Trump’s strong point. But did he forget about France, England, Belgium, Turkey and oh yeah, Saudi Arabia?

Sing a song?

December 21, 2016

Still no word on inaugural performers. But maybe Trump can get a chorus together to sing “Putin on the Ritz.”

Happiest person when #GraysonAllen gets to @NBA will have to be #DraymondGreen, because Green will no longer be officials’ public enemy #1.

Patriots coach Bill Belichick says the video of Michael Floyd’s DUI arrest won’t affect his status with the team. Well, yeah, by comparison, not like he shot anyone or anything….

When he fell asleep at a traffic light and was arrested in Scottsdale, Michael Floyd’s blood alcohol level was allegedly .217 The guy is 225 pounds… just how many drinks do you have to have to get to .217 at that weight?

 

Most passing yards in NFC, most TDs, 3rd highest QB ranking. Left out of the Pro Bowl. @DrewBrees @Saints   Can we blame Trump?

Although to be fair,  when the  NFL Pro Bowl players are announced. most fans will care far more about who got picked & snubbed than actual game.

Passengers were temporarily evacuated from three terminals at LAX today over “suspicious unattended bags” and the bomb squad was called.  But no explosives were found.   Guessing, however, someone’s Christmas presents ended up going to pieces.

The most popular Democrat in a recent poll by a large margin was Michelle Obama. 61% said she should run for office. Well except of course that one reason she is so popular is that Michelle is way too smart to run for office.

Bus to hell moment for the day. 70 people in Santa Fe became ill after a holiday party last week. Investigators believe it was contaminated food. And why it’s a bus to hell moment – they were employees of the New Mexico Health Department.

So @realDonaldTrump is sending out an angry tweet storm on his losing the popular vote. Wonder what he’s trying to distract us from today?

All these angry tweets from our President-elect. Can we only imagine what Trump would be tweeting if he LOST?

I get it, rules are rules. But the final tally had Hillary Clinton with almost a 3 million vote lead, and with more votes than any other losing presidential candidate in US history – 65.844.954 to Trump’s 62,979,879.
The question, if the electoral and popular numbers were reversed, would Trump and his supporters be so grudgingly accepting of the results?

Newt Gingrich says that Donald Trump now “just disclaims ‘drain the swamp’ He now says it was cute, but he doesn’t want to use it anymore.”
Right, especially since Trump is now filling the swamp with bigger richer whiter alligators.

So Trump’s new adviser overseeing regulatory affairs will be..billionaire Carl Icahn? While we’re worried about gators in the swamps, the foxes are running out of room in the hen house.

 

Trump picks Carl Icahn as a special adviser. So Icahn can do for the US Government what he did for TWA?

 

Greased

February 1, 2016

So guess ‪#‎EvePlumb‬ got through all of ‪#‎GreaseLive‬ without even one round of “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia….”

And who knew Fox’s “Grease Live” would be the most entertaining live event of the day.   Okay, maybe with the NHL All-Star game and NFL Pro Bowl they didn’t have much competition.   But it was fun.

 

So a) how lousy was the Pro Bowl as a game and/or b) how dangerous is football, that what seems like half the NFL turned down a free trip to Hawaii to avoid it?

So considering the number of dropouts, declines and “injured” players, should the MVP for the ‪#‎ProBowl‬ get a participation trophy?

Good news tonight, Feb 1, we’ll finally have actual results in Iowa. Better news, we’ll be only 16 days from pitchers & catchers reporting

 

Apparently rumors of El Chapo escaping again are just a hoax. So you’re still alive if you have February in the pool.

The NY Times noted this quote from an email sent to Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder that a state nurse told one young mother to not worry when her son’s blood showed an elevated lead level. “It is just a few IQ points. … It is not the end of the world,”
So was the tainted water part of a plot to create more GOP voters?

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said Hillary Clinton won’t be Indicted “based on what we know.” I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that phrase sounds similar to Clinton in 2008 saying Barack Obama wasn’t a Muslim “as far as I know.”

 

Regarding the Clinton email situation it’s good to see how all the people who are up in arms over the potential security risks and want indictments are the same ones who wanted to indict Cheney and others in the Bush administration over Valerie Plame…. Oops, never mind.

Marco Rubio said that Bernie Sanders “is a good candidate for President of Sweden.”. What’s next, him saying Ted Cruz should be President of Canada?

(Sweden is a constitutional monarchy -with a Prime Minister, like Canada.)

 

For all the fuss about the Iowa caucuses, an interesting side note is that you must be registered with a party to caucus, and there are many independents. So not only is Iowa a relatively small state, the turnout is approximately 15 percent of its registered voters.

 

Many of the GOP candidates in Iowa have gone to Crossroads Sports in Des Moines for shooting and target practice. If publicity is the goal, wouldn’t it have been more interesting for them to schedule duels?

Todd Weiler, a GOP state senator in Utah, has introduced legislation to declare porn a “public health hazard” and an epidemic. Weiler is comparing naysayers to climate change deniers – “These are scientific facts, just like global warming,”
What a shocking story.. A GOP legislator believes in global warming?

 

Apparently the NFL was trying to sell suites for the Super Bowl for $500,000 to $1 million, but the remaining suites have fallen in price to about $150,000. Wow. and that’s with all the corporations who buy the suites recouping some of their costs by writing them off as deductions. ‪#‎ourtaxdollarsatwork‬

 

Ted Cruz, campaigning against Michelle Obama’s healthy eating efforts:
“Let me say something to the school-aged kids here. “If Heidi Cruz becomes the next first lady, French fries are coming back to the cafeteria.’
Because U.S. kids don’t get enough junk food? ‪#‎MakeAmericafatagain‬

 

Ted Cruz’s campaign in Iowa is sending out mailers saying “ACTION ALERT: VOTER VIOLATION,” “PUBLIC RECORD” and “FURTHER ACTION NEEDED.” With this text “You are receiving this election notice because of low expected voter turnout in your area. Your individual voting history as well as your neighbors’ are public record. Their scores are published below, and many of them will see your score as well. CAUCUS ON MONDAY TO IMPROVE YOUR SCORE and please encourage your neighbors to caucus as well. A follow-up notice may be issued following Monday’s caucuses.”

So Cruz is trying to prove he’s really American because Canadians wouldn’t be that scummy?

On the rebound?

January 27, 2016

All 7 New England Patriots selected to the Pro Bowl will miss the game due to “injuries.” Right, they’re sick about losing to Peyton Manning and the Broncos.

Meanwhile, the Spurs did not appear TOO traumatized by their loss to the Warriors.  (San Antonio 130, Houston 99, and it wasn’t that close.)

Congrats to Gregg Popovich for being named the NBA Western Conference All-Star game coach. Just to show there are no hard feelings over Monday’s loss Pop has promised to make sure Steph Curry and Draymond Green both get to play at least 46 minutes.

Cam Newton: “I’m an African-American quarterback that may scare a lot of people because they haven’t seen nothing that they can compare me to.” Even Joe Namath is thinking, “Kid, just a LITTLE humility, please.”

A Twitter rumor has the New England Patriots talking to Stanford quarterback Kevin Hogan.  Say it ain’t so. Did Hogan tell them Stanford has an Honor Code that says no cheating?

 

Today is the ‪#‎ProBowl‬ draft?! And if you knew that and cared, you might REALLY have too much time on your hands.

Affluenza teen Ethan Couch has waived his fight against extradition and will be returning to Texas. Translation, Mexican detention centers probably aren’t the Four Seasons.

So when ‪#‎AbeVigoda‬ showed up at the pearly gates wonder if St. Peter originally waived him off with “Go home, you’re not fooling me.”

An American Airlines flight from London to Los Angeles had to turn around and return to Heathrow today due to some medical emergency involving passengers and crew. Let’s hope they didn’t have the fish.

 

Got to love New Orleans priorities. A major 6 alarm fire in an empty building near the French Quarter has thankfully so far not resulted in any injuries. And the local headline “Canal Street fire could affect Mardi Gras parade route

There’s a thing going around  Facebook, if you were kidnapped, what TV shows’ characters would you want to come rescue you? Forget all these cop shows – give me Downton Abbey: NOBODY messes with the Dowager Duchess and Lady Mary.

Donald Trump’s campaign manager – “What we know is Megyn Kelly is totally obsessed with Mr. Trump.” Uh, who is totally obsessed with who?

So no one can figure out how to stop Donald Trump. Here’s an idea. Tell him if he is elected President all major networks will jointly appoint Megyn Kelly as their White House Correspondent.

Ben Carson says about the election, “I see the threat being the fact that people sometimes are not well educated.”They don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, and yet these are people who vote.”
Right, and this is the same good doctor who says being gay is a choice and that the Jews could have prevented the Holocaust if they had guns.

 

U.S. public health officials are warning that we need to be prepared for the almost certain spread of the Zika virus. Waiting for anti-government types to demand that the feds do more to keep us safe.

 

 

Was at the bank today in Los Altos where the older woman in front of me apologized to the teller and stood back a bit from the counter, saying she had just come back from the Caribbean, had been bitten by some mosquitoes, and was afraid she might be contagious with the Zika virus. Sigh. Here we go again. ‪#‎nothingtofearbutfearitself‬ ‪#‎feariswinning‬

The hard stuff.

January 26, 2015

President Obama and PM Narendra Modi said they have reached “a breakthrough understanding” on nuclear issues between the U.S and India. Okay, that’s a start. Now what are they going to do about deflated footballs?

Even SNL opened with a “Deflate-Gate” sketch. Apparently it was either that or one about using guns on fish in a barrel.

 

Richard Sherman, never a fan of the philosophy “when your opponent is digging himself into a ditch, stand back and watch him dig.” on Deflate-gate

““Will the (the Patriots) be punished? Probably not. Not as long as Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell are still taking pictures at their respective homes. I think it was just at Kraft’s house last week before the AFC Championship, you know. Talk about conflict of interest.”

With all due re$pect, I don’t think it matter$ who’$ playing. As Goodell has billion$ of rea$on$ not to me$$ with the ca$h cow that is the $uper Bowl.

 

Miss Universe was crowned  Sunday night. Not sure how many straight men in the audience but at least nice to have one competition without deflated balls.

Ashley Wagner won her 3rd US figure skating championship yesterday. At the age of 23. Guess this makes her figure skating’s Jamie Moyer.

 

Ideas for Super Bowl halftime  –  from Bill Littlejohn  “How about Air Supply?”

Or maybe all the songs should be sung in the key of B flat?

Of course, Idina Menzel is doing the National Anthem. Maybe she should toss in a Frozen line  – “My power flurries through the air into the ground.”

While we’re all on the free speech bandwagon, the mayor of Boston signed an agreement that blocks city employees from making negative comments about the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee, or the USOC. Not exactly a profile in courage.

Sarah Palin “the man can only ride you when your back is bent.”. And somewhere W is thinking. “And they said I couldn’t speak English?”

The Pro Bowl final score was 32-28. And if you already knew that, you might be just beyond a football fanatic. And if you had a bet on the score, you might just have a gambling problem.

But okay, while the Pro Bowl is a joke,  caught a glimpse on ESPN pre-game of Drew Brees, Andrew Luck and John Harbaugh laughing and chatting in locker room. Now that would be a seriously fun conversation to overhear.

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said in an interview that he wants to “inject additional offense into the game” and would be open to pursuing the elimination of defensive shifts, which he says give the fielders a competitive advantage. Well, while he’s at it will Manfred limit the number of innings thrown by pitchers like Kershaw and Bumgarner?

 

(and didn’t we already try “injecting” offense into the game?”)

Browns WR Josh Gordon has failed another drug test, allegedly for alcohol which was forbidden as part of his probation and may now be suspended for a year by the NFL. In Gordon’s defense, will he claim that dealing with the Manziel circus is enough to drive ANYONE to drink.

Congrats to Coach K, for being the first Men’s Division 1 basketball coach to reach 1,000 wins. For all those one-and-done current players, that’s a 1 with three zeroes after it.

But lest we forget, Coach K is still 98 wins behind Pat Summitt. ‪#‎1000Wins‬

 

Worse than a Christmas sweater?

January 27, 2014

Image

The NFL, never to concede the limelight to anyone,  might have eclipsed Oregon for ugly uniforms with this year’s Pro Bowl neon orange-white and grey-puke green outfits.  And they were an embroidered sweater top away from making the U.S. Olympic team look good by comparison.

So when it comes to “how desperate do you have to be to watch?,  it was a close call tonight. The NFL Pro Bowl?    Or “The Bachelor’s Live Wedding?”

Many Americans think the Golden Globes are the most fun awards show to watch, because so many of the stars range from a bit buzzed to drunk. Hmm, maybe an idea really to spice up the NFL Pro Bowl. – pre-game Mai Tais for all!

Pope Francis yesterday lauded women for their sensitivity toward society’s “weak.” Wonder if by “weak” he meant men?

NY Knicks played the LA Lakers today. And the game was about as relevant as the NFL Pro Bowl. #howthemightyhavefallen

Pam Dawber (Mindy) will reunite with Robin Williams (Mork) when she guest stars this spring on the “The Crazy Ones”, Williams’ new sitcom. Of course, things have changed a bit in 32 years…. wonder if Robin might drop a Mork ad-lib, like “You punks get off my planet.”

You know you’re getting older when… it’s not that you know you don’t like most of the acts up for Grammy awards, you just have no idea who many of them are….

And yeah, “Daft Punk”  winner at the Grammys. Apparently it’s a noun not an adjective.

From Gary Bachman:  “A couple robots won a Grammy. First major entertainment award for a robot since Al Gore won an Oscar.”

American Hustle has 10 Academy Award nominations. Thinking anyone who has seen the movie might agree with me that it should win “Costume Design” just for the miraculous use of tape. Specifically on Amy Adams’ dresses.

Rand Paul said today that Bill Clinton’s past “predatory” sexual behavior should receive more attention if Hillary runs in 2016. Looks like we’re headed for another of those “issues-oriented” campaigns that makes politics so beloved to average Americans….

The outdoor NHL game at Yankee Stadium today was delayed by “glare on the ice.” Yet another potential wrinkle for next week’s Super Bowl?

And as we approach Super Bowl Media Week, the Richard Sherman show continues  – with Sherman’s statement “I want people to understand that everybody should be judged by their character, and who they are as a person, and not by the color of their skin.” Agreed on all counts.

But step 1. No matter what the color of your skin, your character will be judged better if you’re a gracious winner.

More bull

August 3, 2013

Inspired by the running of the bulls in Spain, promoters plan to bring “The Great Bull Run” to the U.S. where bulls will be unleashed to sprint through fenced-in courses as daredevils try to avoid being trampled. The first will be near Richmond, Virginia, later this month. Shocking. This seemed like a perfect fit for Florida.

 

A undercover police officer arrested a Florida woman for illegally selling lobster tails on Craigslist. Good to know the Sunshine State is focusing their law enforcement efforts on the important stuff these days.

Jerry Rice, complaining about today’s players in the Pro Bowl “You’ve got prima donnas, egocentrics, who act like it’s not an honor,” Plus they’re thinking ‘Why should I go and jeopardize what I’m doing?’ But it should be for the fans.” Here’s an idea, have the game in Detroit, only the winning team gets an all-expenses paid week in Hawaii afterwards.

 

As the Anthony Weiner circus continues in New York, here’s a suggestion – why doesn’t Weiner move to San Diego and run for mayor there? Might be the only city in America where his “sext but don’t touch” slimeballness might be a mayoral upgrade?

 

A-Rod, after his first rehab game: “I will say this, there’s more than one party that benefits from me never stepping back on the field. That’s not my teammates and not the Yankee fans.” So it’s not about him…. Rodriguez just cares about the little people who would be deprived of watching him play..

From my friend Howard Fox: “A-Rod says he’s set to return the Yankees unless he’s ‘struck by lightning’. Someone hand him a kite.”

 

Newsweek will be sold to IBT (International Business Times) Media. Shocking? Newsweek was still in business?

Mark Sanchez was booed today during the New York Jets Green and White Scrimmage. Well, it may be early, but good to see that Jets fans at least are in mid-season form.

Bad timing award? Lots of “BART, and you’re there” commercials in the San Francisco Bay Area, the weekend before what is likely to be a long strike. Or is this BART management’s way of really getting folks behind them in hopes for a quick settlement?

How did A-Rod expect to keep his PED use secret, he can’t even keep his negotiations with MLB secret.

Bus to hell moment from T.C.    ” Hot Tip of the Year: Do not watch the movie Django Unchained before attending a Kenny Chesney cocert.