Posted tagged ‘lax jokes’

Sing a song?

December 21, 2016

Still no word on inaugural performers. But maybe Trump can get a chorus together to sing “Putin on the Ritz.”

Happiest person when #GraysonAllen gets to @NBA will have to be #DraymondGreen, because Green will no longer be officials’ public enemy #1.

Patriots coach Bill Belichick says the video of Michael Floyd’s DUI arrest won’t affect his status with the team. Well, yeah, by comparison, not like he shot anyone or anything….

When he fell asleep at a traffic light and was arrested in Scottsdale, Michael Floyd’s blood alcohol level was allegedly .217 The guy is 225 pounds… just how many drinks do you have to have to get to .217 at that weight?

 

Most passing yards in NFC, most TDs, 3rd highest QB ranking. Left out of the Pro Bowl. @DrewBrees @Saints   Can we blame Trump?

Although to be fair,  when the  NFL Pro Bowl players are announced. most fans will care far more about who got picked & snubbed than actual game.

Passengers were temporarily evacuated from three terminals at LAX today over “suspicious unattended bags” and the bomb squad was called.  But no explosives were found.   Guessing, however, someone’s Christmas presents ended up going to pieces.

The most popular Democrat in a recent poll by a large margin was Michelle Obama. 61% said she should run for office. Well except of course that one reason she is so popular is that Michelle is way too smart to run for office.

Bus to hell moment for the day. 70 people in Santa Fe became ill after a holiday party last week. Investigators believe it was contaminated food. And why it’s a bus to hell moment – they were employees of the New Mexico Health Department.

So @realDonaldTrump is sending out an angry tweet storm on his losing the popular vote. Wonder what he’s trying to distract us from today?

All these angry tweets from our President-elect. Can we only imagine what Trump would be tweeting if he LOST?

I get it, rules are rules. But the final tally had Hillary Clinton with almost a 3 million vote lead, and with more votes than any other losing presidential candidate in US history – 65.844.954 to Trump’s 62,979,879.
The question, if the electoral and popular numbers were reversed, would Trump and his supporters be so grudgingly accepting of the results?

Newt Gingrich says that Donald Trump now “just disclaims ‘drain the swamp’ He now says it was cute, but he doesn’t want to use it anymore.”
Right, especially since Trump is now filling the swamp with bigger richer whiter alligators.

So Trump’s new adviser overseeing regulatory affairs will be..billionaire Carl Icahn? While we’re worried about gators in the swamps, the foxes are running out of room in the hen house.

 

Trump picks Carl Icahn as a special adviser. So Icahn can do for the US Government what he did for TWA?

 

Taking a sit?

August 28, 2016

Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract?

CNN.com headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers

 

Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”

Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?

Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.

And what’s next for Chip Kelly?  Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB?  Like Michael Vick?  And there’s always Tebow.

 

Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?

Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.

Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?

 

After today’s 13-3 game,  maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.

At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.

The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.

 

 

In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?

Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?

 

Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.

 

 

 

Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?