Posted tagged ‘Chip Kelly jokes’

Taking a sit?

August 28, 2016

Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract? headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers


Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”

Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?

Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.

And what’s next for Chip Kelly?  Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB?  Like Michael Vick?  And there’s always Tebow.


Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?

Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.

Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?


After today’s 13-3 game,  maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.

At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.

The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.



In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?

Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?


Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.




Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?


What’s a few zeros…

December 17, 2013

The Mega Millions jackpot, already at $586 million, may reach a billion before Tuesday’s drawing because of lottery fever. Right, because there are so many things you can’t buy for half a billion….

Marissa Mayer is one of several tech executives scheduled to meet with President Obama Tuesday. Because maybe her changes with Yahoo mail have made the Obamacare website look good by comparison?

Of course, there’s a good chance Obama wanted to meet with Mayer last month, but his invite got caught in Yahoo mail spam.

Starting today, San Francisco has free wi-fi on Market Street. Yet another excuse for pedestrians to walk right into traffic,,,,

A water leak filled a skyway bridge and closed one of the Terminals at San Jose Airport this morning. No word on a re-opening time, but wonder who will be the first airline to institute a pump fee.

At Harvard, fake bomb threats resulted in the evacuation of some buildings and the cancellation of some final exams. And in the SEC, football players preparing for bowl games asked “What are final exams?”

Dez Bryant said the reason he left the field early in the Cowboys’ loss to the Packers is that he didn’t want to be seen crying on the sideline. And Dallas fans are thinking “How do you think WE felt?”

Why should New Jersey have a monopoly on Gubernatorial political comedy? Donald Trump now says he might run for Governor of New York next year.

Peyton Manning was named SI’s “Sportsman of the Year.”   Now, the Broncos just lost their last game and who knows about the playoffs. But maybe this year’s award should be subtitled “Biggest name star least likely to embarrass himself or get arrested.”

Ravens-Lions on MNF. Good economic stimulus. Because most of the country said “Meh, let’s go shopping.”

ESPN says that Nick Saban brought Lane Kiffin to Tuscaloosa to help evaluate the Crimson Tide offense. This could be good news. For Oklahoma.

Chip Kelly, rumored to be a candidate for the U Texas head-coaching job, said “It’s just speculation, but I’m not involved in any jobs. I’m the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.” So given past history when Kelly announced he was staying at Oregon it will be about 10 days before he heads to Austin?

The New Orleans Saints are apparently mulling a change after Garrett Hartley missed another two field goals yesterday. Hey, Morten Andresen is only 53 now!

A 58 year old SF woman, accused of speeding at over 80 MPH on city streets in her Mercedes-Benz this September, will be charged with felony vehicular manslaughter for crashing into a minivan, and killing a 16-year-old boy. So will there be an adult “affluenza” defense? 
If it is better to give than receive, then the #DallasCowboys in the second half yesterday were the best team in the #NFL

Great ending for the Ravens with a 61 yard field goal to win at the end of the 4th quarter. Does this mean Nick Saban is more likely to bolt Alabama for the NFL?

Fantasy football?

January 17, 2013

A Notre Dame Heisman candidate with a fake dead girlfriend…. As my friend Michael Santos says “Manti Teo, everyone’s favorite fantasy pick…”   –

A rout MIGHT have been expected, but okay, with this year’s BCS National Championship, who predicted that the Alabama football program could also end up on the higher moral ground?

And here most people thought the 2013 BCS game was the most embarrassing thing that could happen to Notre Dame football.   –

November 30, 2013. Notre Dame vs. Stanford football in Palo Alto. Wonder if the the Stanford Band has already been warned “Don’t even DREAM of a dead girlfriend show…”

American Idol started tonight. Which will be a nice diversion for Americans tired of watching Congress – aka American Idle.

While a Southern California teacher lost her appeal over being fired for previous acting in porn films, up in Northern California, a police officer arrested when he was caught naked in a Motel 6 with a prostitute still has his job. What a country.

Alex Rodriguez underwent successful hip surgery today. With an average 6-month recovery time the Yankees slugger expects to be back in plenty of time to do nothing in the playoffs.

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:  “The Post Office will sue Lance Armstrong for the $30 million in sponsorship money. That is when you know you’re in trouble when the Post Office is suing you for doing a bad job.”

I’m thinking maybe Lance can pay them back by sharing some of his stuff. Because if any government agency needs PEDs..

All this commotion about Lance Armstrong… Think how much better his reputation would be in the long run if years ago he just came out and said “Yeah, I doped, you couldn’t find a cyclist who didn’t. But I was the only one who did it after surviving cancer.”

This Lance Armstrong circus coming on the heels of the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is making me long for the innocence of pro wrestling.

Talk show host Michael Savage says you shouldn’t get a flu shot, because the government can’t be trusted. And presumably when you get sick you shouldn’t go to any doctor who went to public school or got his/her MD from a state university?

ESPN reports that after USC lost to Georgia 21-7 in the Sun Bowl a “flat-out brawl” broke out in the team’s locker room. The brawl probably featured the Trojans hitting hard than they did in the game.

Chip Kelly is very optimistic about his new job in Philadelphia. The new Eagles coach even figures by his second season he will finally have a team good enough to beat Alabama.

Philadelphia fans are excited about getting Chip Kelly. Stanford fans are pretty pleased too!

Kim Kardashian said on the Today Show that her pregnancy was a “pleasant surprise” because of her “fertility issues.” Gosh, so she was struggling to conceive all 72 days of her marriage?