Posted tagged ‘MNF jokes’

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No morning sunshine?

October 13, 2015

A new study found that people who like their coffee black are more likely to be sadistic and psychopathic. Well, at least until they get their coffee.

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For the second consecutive week, an error by MNF officials could have changed the outcome of the game, (although the Steelers won despite the “loss” of 18 seconds on the clock.) Maybe we should start checking the officiating crew for DraftKings accounts?

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Playboy has announced they will stop publishing nude pictures. Shocking. Playboy is still publishing?

USC Athletic Director Pat Haden said that now former coach Steve Sarkasian was fired because he “did not meet USC’s standards.” Well, that I believe. Trojans, at 1-2, are 5th out of 6 teams in the Pac 12 South.

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Twitter is laying off 8% of their engineers. So presume the pink slips were done in under 140 characters ‪#‎yourefired‬

The ‪#‎Cubs‬‘ Anthony Rizzo hit a go-ahead home run on an 0-2 pitch. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans are having bad 2015 regular season flashbacks.

You think you might be having a bad week at work. Probably not as bad as Kevin Siegrist. (Cardinals relief pitcher. two losses in two days. Including the Cubs clincher today.)

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Ted Cruz is apparently moving up in the GOP polls. Just what kind of a world do we live in when Cruz isn’t close to looking like the most bat-shit crazy one?

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Donald ‪#‎Trump‬ is hosting ‪#‎SNL‬ on Nov. 7. Well, good for the Donald. He could use the exposure.

Some UberX drivers are supposedly planning not to work this weekend as a protest against the company’s low rates and lack of a tip option. Well, if this catches on it should be good for some serious surge pricing.

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So Lamar Odom is apparently “fighting for his life,” after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel. Sad. Although perhaps the saddest people are the Kardashians since he’s no longer a “cast member” of their show.

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A new poll in California shows the President’s approval rating at 60%, the highest of his second term. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

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Democrats were wondering how to get viewers interested in their first debate tonight. Maybe Bernie Sanders should have threatened to take out Hillary Clinton with a hard slide?

“The excitement can still be felt in the debate hall.” And CNN said it with a straight face. ‪#‎DemDebate‬

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How could the ‪#‎Demdebate‬ possibly compete with stuff like this? Newt Gingrich said if called upon he would consider becoming Speaker of the House again, telling Sean Hannity “This is why George Washington came out of retirement – because there are moments you can’t avoid.” ‪#‎yeshesaidit‬ ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

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If anyone thinks that these days women are treated with any sort of equality in politics, then they clearly missed the earth-shattering commentary that Clinton aide Huma Abedin wore ALMOST THE SAME British dress that Kate Middleton has been seen in last year. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬  (The U.K Daily Mail,

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Getting what you didn’t pay for.

November 24, 2014

StubHub is not allowing sales of tickets given away for the Monday night Bills-Jets game, saying their policy is often not to allow sales of tickets the seller has obtained for free. Well, that and Stubhub doesn’t think they’ll make much money on the game anyway.

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But meanwhile, scalpers are reportedly  asking up to $125 for “free tickets” to the Buffalo-NY game in Detroit Monday night. And Jets fans are thinking “clearly buyers haven’t seen our team play.”

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Joey Chestnut has won a turkey-eating contest in Connecticut, eating 9.5 pounds of meat off a 20 pound turkey in 10 minutes. Wonder what Chestnut then did for a main course.

 

Lindsey Graham said of the GOP-led EIGHTH Benghazi House investigation findings, “I think the report is full of crap,” A new definition of infinity might be how many investigations it would take to convince Senator Graham that the Obama administration really didn’t lie to cover up what happened.

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#‎SF49ers‬ both won and accomplished the near impossible Sunday.   They made the Washington ‪#‎Redskins‬ look like a decent ‪#‎NFL‬ team.

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A student organizing protests against a proposed UC Berkeley tuition hike was quoted as saying that “the public university will be more expensive than Ivy League for out-of-state students. What will be the incentive for out-of-state students to come here if it’s more expensive than a private school?” Uh, leaving football out of it, maybe if they get admitted to Cal and not an Ivy League?

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If the Saints can beat the Ravens on MNF they will take control of the NFL South with an impressive record of 5-6.

Or there’s this tweet from @NOTSportsCenter):

NFC South Week 12 results-

Falcons: Lost to Browns
Bucs: Lost to Bears
Panthers: Lost to Bye week
Saints: Waiting till tomorrow to lose

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Tough question of the day. If you saw both Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones and Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder both about to be set upon by a pack of starving wolves, which man would you point the wolves to first?

 

Be careful what you wish for. Stanford became bowl eligible by beating Cal yesterday in the Big Game. And could be headed to the Cactus Bowl. The #6 choice from the Pac 12 vs the #5 choice from the Big 12. In Glendale, AZ, on January 2. So their reward could be a “who-cares” game, which would require practicing all the way through the holiday season…..

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Trader Joe’s $8.99 potted Amaryllis bulb LITERALLY grows enough that you can see a difference overnight. Are we sure that the store isn’t using something illegal and performance enhancing? ‪#‎simplepleasures‬

 

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  “NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he is not out of touch with player Personal Conduct policies. Goodell then announced that he was suspending Bill Cosby indefinitely.

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Cut down the net?

November 10, 2014

Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.

 

 

AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.

 

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A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.

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Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”

 

 

The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation. ‪

 

 

ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game

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Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt.  Wonder if this year’s ‪#‎NFCSouth‬ champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.

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After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College  in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”

Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.

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Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.

 

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Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.

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A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.

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President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.

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Still fighting Irish.

October 20, 2014

Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly is still complaining about the pass interference call against his team, basically over an illegal “pick play” that sealed FSU’s win Saturday night. Can we start referring to this as a “sacramental whine?”

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There are reports that Bruce Jenner is dating Kris Jenner’s good friend Ronda Kamihira. Kris is reportedly shocked, she didn’t realize Ronda was a lesbian.

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Monica Lewinsky, speaking at the “Forbes’ Under 30 Summit”” against cyber-bullying – “Sixteen years ago, fresh out of college…I fell in love with my boss.” Well, yeah, cyber-bullying is awful. And poor girl, she had no way to know her boss was married…..

 

Oscar de la Renta has died at the age of 82. Most women are thinking, “Sad, it’s the end of an era.” Most men are thinking “What team did he play for?”

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After Peyton Manning’s 509th TD pass, Broncos receivers played “keep away” with the ball. Funny, that’s the same game Jets receivers usually seem to play when Geno Smith throws to them.

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Apparently after yesterday’s loss to the Miami Dolphins, Chicago Bears WR Brandon Marshall called out quarterback Jay Cutler. And long-time Bears fans said “What took you so long?”

(From my friend Alex B.  “Responded Cutler: ‘Well if you’d just stand still, I could accurately throw you the ball!’!”

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On World Series Eve, trying to remember all the national derision when Wild Card teams made it to, and even won, the Super Bowl. Oh, that’s right…. there wasn’t any.

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Texans and Steelers were on Monday Night Football. Two teams that are about as appealing to a national audience as the Royals and Giants in the World Series.

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Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino tweeted: “I truly believe we will beat Florida State (in football) … I haven’t been this excited for a football game in a long time.” Hmm, has anyone checked that man for concussions?

 

 

Burlington Elementary School just banned students from bringing any food, including birthday cake, to school birthday celebrations. The rationale, sending a message “to the parents and kids, especially with the obesity rate being so high.” Another example of an overly PC blue state, right? Wrong. The school is in Kentucky.

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CNN headlines “Glimmers of hope in fight against Ebola: Nigeria and Senegal are Ebola-free. A Spanish nurse’s aide has beaten Ebola. And Dallas has cleared dozens from Ebola monitoring.” Does this mean it’s time for the GOP to start talking about Benghazi again?

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Too simplistic, but awfully tempting just to vote on propositions solely based just on who is paying for the ads for and against them.

 

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Ah Texas. Attorney General Greg Abbott, running for Governor, was asked about interracial marriage and gave a vague answer. When a reporter said she “wasn’t clear if he was saying he would have defended a ban on interracial marriage.” Abbott replied, “Actually, the reason why you’re uncertain about it is because I didn’t answer the question. And I can’t go back and answer some hypothetical question like that.’” I SO miss Molly Ivins…

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All wet?

October 13, 2014

Game 3 of the ALCS was been postponed due to rain. Which means the lead sports story Monday was  Monday Night Football.   So at least that didn’t change.

 

The game was scheduled to be on TBS,   had it been scheduled for ESPN no doubt the network would have run a “Derek Jeter’s greatest playoff moments” retrospective.

 

The Baltimore Orioles are no doubt particularly disappointed that Monday’s ALCS game was rained out and not just delayed. Playing in serious mud might be the only way to slow the Kansas City Royals rabbits down.

 

#‎Rams‬ looked like they could use ‪#‎MichaelSam‬ on defense ‪#‎49ers‬ ‪#‎MNF‬

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How can you not love ‪#‎HunterPence‬? Apparently he made his own sign “Hunter Pence will work for ring.” ‪#‎HunterPenceSigns‬ ‪#‎SFGiants

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NC State suspended 7 players this week for a “BB gun incident” involving a “game with the guns” last week. A game with guns? Wonder if the players were immediately offered transfer opportunities to schools in Texas or Florida?

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A photo has been circulating showing Ole Miss star DL Robert Nkemdiche allegedly using a bong. Coach Hugh Freeze says “appropriate measures were taken.” Translation, Nkemdiche has probably been suspended for the 1st quarter of the Nov. 8th game vs Presbyterian.

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So NBC News’ Dr. Nancy Snyderman’s violated an Ebola quarantine to get some SOUP at Peasant Grill in New Jersey. What’s the restaurant’s new slogan going to be “Soup worth dying for.”? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Wouldn’t it have been simpler for ‪#‎jameiswinston‬ if he just traded autographs for crab legs? ‪#‎FSU‬

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The head of the NIH said that budget cuts might be the reason we don’t have an Ebola vaccine, which the agency has been working on over a decade. But really, why should we let all this fear and hysteria turn into a discussion about money and science?

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A psychologist said Oscar Pistorius is a “broken man” after shooting his girlfriend last year. Yeah, apparently the pain is affecting Pistorius’s relationship with the new girlfriend he met last December.

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A social worker testifying for the defense in the Oscar Pistorius trial said that an appropriate punishment for Pistorius would be 16 hours of community service, house arrest (in a mansion), and that he should be allowed to continue with his career as an athlete. Even Los Angeles juries are thinking “Are you nuts?”

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Points for honesty. Senator Mitch McConnell, who reported that he is worth $11.97 million, debated challenger Alison Grimes tonight, and argued against increasing the minimum wage.  Grimes challenged McConnell about having become rich in office but not caring about the poor.

His response “To claim that I got rich at public expense — she knows that that’s a result of an inheritance that my wife got when her mother passed away.” In other words, I inherited my money fair and square.

 

Former NY Times executive editor Jill Abramson said that Condoleezza Rice asked the paper in 2003 to kill a story on the CIA not being able to stop Iran’s nuclear program. Standby for FOX News to explain to us all how Barack Obama really made her do it.

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And Columbus Day is over, a semi-holiday for most Americans with banks and the post office and some schools closed, but most offices open. And many want to change the name.  But as Alex Kaseberg says  “Personally I think we should stay with Columbus Day. Go to your job, do half of what you were supposed to do, declare it a huge success and then get as many people sick as you can.”

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What’s a few zeros…

December 17, 2013

The Mega Millions jackpot, already at $586 million, may reach a billion before Tuesday’s drawing because of lottery fever. Right, because there are so many things you can’t buy for half a billion….

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Marissa Mayer is one of several tech executives scheduled to meet with President Obama Tuesday. Because maybe her changes with Yahoo mail have made the Obamacare website look good by comparison?

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Of course, there’s a good chance Obama wanted to meet with Mayer last month, but his invite got caught in Yahoo mail spam.

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Starting today, San Francisco has free wi-fi on Market Street. Yet another excuse for pedestrians to walk right into traffic,,,,

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A water leak filled a skyway bridge and closed one of the Terminals at San Jose Airport this morning. No word on a re-opening time, but wonder who will be the first airline to institute a pump fee.

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At Harvard, fake bomb threats resulted in the evacuation of some buildings and the cancellation of some final exams. And in the SEC, football players preparing for bowl games asked “What are final exams?”

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Dez Bryant said the reason he left the field early in the Cowboys’ loss to the Packers is that he didn’t want to be seen crying on the sideline. And Dallas fans are thinking “How do you think WE felt?”

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Why should New Jersey have a monopoly on Gubernatorial political comedy? Donald Trump now says he might run for Governor of New York next year.

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Peyton Manning was named SI’s “Sportsman of the Year.”   Now, the Broncos just lost their last game and who knows about the playoffs. But maybe this year’s award should be subtitled “Biggest name star least likely to embarrass himself or get arrested.”

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Ravens-Lions on MNF. Good economic stimulus. Because most of the country said “Meh, let’s go shopping.”

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ESPN says that Nick Saban brought Lane Kiffin to Tuscaloosa to help evaluate the Crimson Tide offense. This could be good news. For Oklahoma.

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–Chip Kelly, rumored to be a candidate for the U Texas head-coaching job, said “It’s just speculation, but I’m not involved in any jobs. I’m the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.” So given past history when Kelly announced he was staying at Oregon it will be about 10 days before he heads to Austin?

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The New Orleans Saints are apparently mulling a change after Garrett Hartley missed another two field goals yesterday. Hey, Morten Andresen is only 53 now!

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A 58 year old SF woman, accused of speeding at over 80 MPH on city streets in her Mercedes-Benz this September, will be charged with felony vehicular manslaughter for crashing into a minivan, and killing a 16-year-old boy. So will there be an adult “affluenza” defense? 
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If it is better to give than receive, then the #DallasCowboys in the second half yesterday were the best team in the #NFL

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Great ending for the Ravens with a 61 yard field goal to win at the end of the 4th quarter. Does this mean Nick Saban is more likely to bolt Alabama for the NFL?

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A cold day in h*ll, or in New Jersey?

December 9, 2013

This just keeps getting better. To avoid congestion and due to limited parking, even fans with tickets that cost thousands will not be able to hire taxis or limos for the Super Bowl. There will be fewer than 13,000 parking places, but other than that the 80.000 ticket holders will have to use a “Fan Express” bus, or N.J. Transit. No drop-offs by private vehicles will be allowed.

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Bad weather across the U.S. has closed businesses and forced the cancellation of many flights. The worst thing in D.C., however, was that it didn’t cancel yesterday’s Redskins game.

 

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A 24 year old Georgia woman said that she and a guy she was casually dating are now a serious couple after he accidentally shot her in the leg last month with a hunting rifle, and he has even moved in to take care of her. How sweet. If they end up planning a wedding will the lovebirds invite Dick Cheney?

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South Carolina DE end Jadeveon Clowney was pulled over yesterday in a Chrysler 300 near Columbia and ticketed for going 110 mph in a 70 mph zone. The fine may be dwarfed by the endorsement Clowney he gets from Chrysler – — you can go 110mph in one of their cars?

 

Christmas cheer for the 49 states that aren’t Texas. On the ninth day of December my true love gave to me…. 11 #Cowboys sucking….

 

Eleanor Parker, who played the baroness in the “The Sound of Music” movie has died at 91. Let’s hope that NBC live special didn’t kill her.

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Candlestick Park is offering fans a chance to buy a pair of their plastic seats (for $749!) before the stadium is torn down after this season. Of course to get the full experience, will they sell the seats with cushions made of ice packs?

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The SF 49ers won’t be on MNF next year because of parking issues in Santa Clara at their new Levi’s stadium, which is surrounded by local businesses so won’t have parking on weekdays. Bodes well for the Cal-Oregon game scheduled for 2014 at the stadium…on October 24, a Friday night?!

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Oh the horror. Some local papers (and the coach) bemoaning how San Jose State was a bubble team that was shut out of a bowl. The Spartans are a fun team with a very good QB (David Fales). But they were 6-6.

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Washington coach Mike Shanahan says he might sit RGIII for the team’s 3 remaining games. Except that without their star QB the Redskins might unwatchable…. Oops. Never mind.

 

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Britney Spears told an interviewer she would “I would really like to have another baby, a girl,” because then “I’m not going to feel as alone in the world anymore.” Right.   Britney and her sister Jamie were so every mom’s dream in their late teens and early 20s.

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Richard Sherman thinks the SF 49ers only won yesterday because of “questionable calls” by the officials. “We expected to blow them out, but they got the benefit of a few calls tonight throughout the game and that helps you, especially on third down.” Well, this ought to do wonders for the Seahawks’ reputation for being less than good sports.

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Former San Diego Mayor Bob Filner was sentenced today to three month’s home confinement and three years probation. The judge also specified the Filner “may not seek or hold elective office during the term of his probation.” So otherwise voters might be stupid enough to elect him again?

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Getting stoned?

November 26, 2013

Afghanistan may again make it the law to stone convicted adulterers. Which means if Hillary is elected in 2016, she’ll be making visits to Kabul solo.

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Ann Betar, 98, and John Betar, 102, are celebrating their 81th wedding anniversary today, making them the longest married couple in America. After this long guess the marriage stands a good chance of surviving that 87 year itch.

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STL GM John Mozeliak, defending the team’s 4-year $50 million contract for Jhonny Peralta, said the Cardinals were confident Peralta’s drug suspension was an “isolated circumstance.” Translation, at least they’re sure Jhonny won’t get caught again.

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Brian Wilson is apparently close to signing with… the Detroit Tigers?! Maybe the Beard is fonder than he admitted of wearing Orange and Black.

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After George Zimmerman was arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, a search of their home found three handguns, a 12-gauge shotgun, a rifle and 106 rounds of ammunition. And aren’t residents of 49 states sorry that a condition of his bail is that Zimmerman not leave Florida?

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Over 500 flights have been cancelled out of Dallas-Ft Worth International Airport in two days. Wonder how many good Samaritans planning to visit in-laws will offer up their confirmed seats Tues. or Wed. so poor stranded folks can get to see THEIR families. (“Really, honey, you know I want to see your mom, but this woman and baby need the seat more than I do.. So go on without me, it’s okay, Really”)

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Country singer Wayne Mills was fatally shot in a Nashville bar this weekend. Allegedly by his best friend during an argument. The true tragedy, Mills won’t be around to use the incident as a basis for a great hit song.

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College basketball counts strength of schedule for tournament seeding. Not that it will happen, but when college football starts their playoff system, would be nice to see late season games like Alabama vs. Chattanooga and FSU vs. Idaho considered to be the equivalents of bye-weeks.

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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh, talking about tonight’s game says how his team “rose up to the challenge.” Of playing the Redskins. And he said it with a straight face.

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RGIII against Colin Kaepernick on MNF football.  Also known as the “Two-preseason-favorites-who-are-not-going-to-win-the-MVP-this-year” bowl.

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Yahoo has named Katie Couric as the new “face” of its global news operations. Shocking. Yahoo HAS “global news operations?”

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Derrick Rose is out for the season. And Bulls fans are asking Cubs fans friends about borrowing their ‘Wait until next year” t-shirts.

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From T.C.  About my post on  Georgia Southern beating  Florida Saturday without completing a pass.  “Finally, a team I could play for, says Tim Tebow.”

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Replacement referees, weak 3.

September 24, 2012

What a country. I think many bad Supreme Court decisions have resulted in less outrage.

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Jon Gruden, in the midst of his rant against replacement referees, said that “Green Bay shouldn’t have to fly 6,000 miles back home with a loss here”. 6,000 miles? Yeah, this ought to do wonders for the dumb jock image.

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A thought about these replacement referees. If everyone in the NFL cares that much about getting it right, what was this billion dollar industry doing with part-time refs in the first place? (And yes, for non-football fans, the striking refs are contract employees, many with full-time other jobs.)

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Drew Brees described the replacement refs in the Saints’ game Sunday as “horrendous.” Assuming Drew just got a friend request from Aaron Rodgers.

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You cannot make this “stuff” up – – Mitt Romney on Ann’s plane scare last week: “When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous.”

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An ex-Intel executive, who cooperated with investigators, escaped with a fine and probation for giving confidential info about his company to a New York hedge fund manager. Gosh, wonder if he had done something really bad, like sold an extra large soda?

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A flight attendant for US Airways Express was caught with a loaded gun in her handbag at Philadelphia International Airport. Well, that’s one airline where passengers may now think twice about whining for a second drink.

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Heath Bell, who lost the Marlins’ closer job, is complaining about Ozzie Guillen saying   “It’s hard to respect a guy that doesn’t tell you the truth or doesn’t tell you face-to-face.” Wonder if Guillen’s response would be “It’s hard to respect a guy with a 5.19 ERA who’s converted 19 of 26 save opportunities.

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Police said that renters moving into a home Sunday morning in Modesto, discovered a body. Yikes. Guessing someone won’t get their cleaning deposit back.

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How times have changed. Next Sunday Arnold Schwarzenegger is appearing on “60 Minutes” to plug his new “tell-all” book. Remember the days when some were hoping to change the constitution so that Arnold could run for President?

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Mitt Romney last night “We do provide care for people who don’t have insurance. If someone has a heart attack, they don’t sit in their apartment and die. We pick them up in an ambulance, and take them to the hospital….” Of course insurance for preventive care might have kept that heart attack from happening in the first place.

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Kerri Walsh Jennings just revealed she was pregnant when she and her partner won their last Gold medal at the London Olympics. And may I join millions of women around the world in saying “Weaker sex, my ass.”

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Closing notices.

October 7, 2011

What’s the difference these days between A-Rod and his ex-girlfriend Madonna? Madonna will actually be performing in the postseason.

(for the record, 2-18 in the ALDS, 0-4 in game five.)

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Now that the Yankees are eliminated, it’s ESPN who wants the theme song “Are you ready for some football.

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In their 3-2 loss to the Tigers, the Yankees certainly had chances. New York had runners on base in 7 innings, but went 2 for 9 with runners in scoring position, and stranded 10. Yes, the Yankees looked like World Champions, but the World Champions they looked like were the 2011 version of the SF Giants.

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This week the fat man bowed out of the Presidential race, and the fat lady sang at Yankee Stadium.

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Herman Cain on the unemployed: “If you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!” I’m amazed he didn’t add “Godfathers Pizza is hiring for minimum wage plus tips.”
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So in the end, what was the difference between the Red Sox and the Yankees? About a week.

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Tigers pitchers Doug Fister and Joaquin Benoit have this torture concept down so well they’ve just been made honorary SF Giants.

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The Miami Dolphins are already 0-4, and now QB Chad Henne’s separated shoulder will keep him out for the year. Looks like there’s a good chance Andrew Luck will be taking HIS talents to South Beach.

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A Texas man posted something about the anniversary of his mother’s death on facebook, and his estranged wife didn’t hit the “like” button. So the two got in a fight and he was arrested for battery. Wonder before they hauled him off if the guy had time to change his relationship status to “It’s VERY complicated.”

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Monday Night Football said they dismissed Hank Williams Jr, Williams says it was “MY” decision. In any case he and his song are gone. Standby soon for the singer’s next gig – “Are you ready for some FOX News?”

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From Marc Ragovin: Hank Williams, Jr. is in hot water for comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler, or, as he is knowns amongst NFL players, Roger Goodell.

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Apparently one of the Boise State football players who was suspended this season received a car and money to cover insurance. Maybe it’s a good thing that the NCAA seems to be losing the battle to clean up college football. If they ever do it could cause further damage to the U.S. auto industry.
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Yet another example of why there is no satire – The Westboro Baptist Church has already announced plans to protest Steve Jobs’s funeral. They sent the message out via Twitter for iPhone.

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The Westboro Baptist people, who intend to picket Steve Jobs’ funeral for his “sins,” give Christians a bad name. Heck, they give people a bad name.

Added my friend Alex Kaseberg “They give rabid, puppy-eating hyenas a bad name.”

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Whatever the outcome of the trial of Michael Jackson’s doctor, one thing seems pretty certain – it’s amazing Jackson lived as long as he did.

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Bank of America’s CEO Brian Moynihan, defended his bank’s new $5 fee on debit cards on Wednesday, saying the bank has a “right to make a profit.” What he didn’t say, however, is that when they don’t make a profit, they also reserve the right to ask taxpayers for a bailout.

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Starbucks has raised the price of their small brewed coffee from $1.50 to $1.65. This has resulted in two different reactions: One, annoyance from plain coffee drinkers over a 10 percent increase, two, shock from most Starbucks customers that ANYTHING on the menu is under $2.

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