Posted tagged ‘NFC South jokes’

We’ve come a long way, baby?

December 16, 2014

Not exactly. Barbara Walters named Amal Alamuddin Clooney, the “Most Fascinating Person of 2014,” because marrying George Clooney was “one of the greatest achievements in human history.” ‪#‎facepalm‬

Credit where credit is due. So far NJ Gov. Chris Christie, who was spotted last night in owner Jerry Jones’ luxury box, refuses to renounce his love for the Dallas Cowboys, saying he would never change his team loyalties to score political points. Besides, if Christie starting rooting for the Giants or Jets this year Americans would seriously question his sanity.

#‎JohnnyManziel‬ said Sunday was “a little bit of an off day.” In related news, the ‪#‎Cubs‬ have had a little bit of an off century.

The movie “Titanic” is leaving Netflix in 2015. This news will disappoint millions of women and about two men.

 

New Orleans Saints – 6-8, 1st in NFC South. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Saints fan and I love Drew Brees. But normally this level of mediocrity is only rewarded by re-election.

Northern California is getting enough rain that now some people who have been claiming they don’t have nice lawns because of the drought will now have to admit they don’t have lawns because they are lazy.

Happiest non-Saints fans tonight are Detroit fans, as Lions play the Bears next week and need a win to make playoffs ‪#‎MNF‬ ‪#‎NOvsCHI‬ ‪#‎Saints‬

The NFL admitted they made a mistake calling SF LB Nick Moody for a roughing-the-passer penalty in the 49ers 17-7 loss yesterday.. And the Seahawks then scored a TD instead of settling for a FG. Which is some validation, although the final score then would have been 13-7.

From T.C.  “After almost 8,000 no shows at Soldier Field, and another brutal performance tonight, the Chicago Bears will announce Jon Lester as their starting QB in week 16.”

So the SF Giants “lost” Chase Headley to the NY Yankees, 4 years, $52 million. But the guy’s stats last year? He hit .243 with 13 home runs and 49 RBIs. We aren’t exactly talking Brooks Robinson here.

Apparently a British TV crew discovered a “magic” mushroom in the Buckingham Palace gardens. Hmm, maybe now we know how the Queen can smile and waive all the time.

A new Gallup Poll said Congress’s job-approval rating this year averaged 15%. Wow. Anyone know someone in that 15%?

Now ABC News is reporting that in a taped phone conversation, an NFL executive promised Adrian Peterson a two-game suspension instead of the indefinite ban he was given. Give the league credit, whatever bad stuff happens, the NFL itself still often manages to come off worse than the suspended players.

 

Turkey time

November 26, 2014

This afternoon, most media outlets covered President Obama’s executive order pardoning two turkeys. So where’s the coverage of Ted Cruz’s opposing filibuster?

Although Britain doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, stores and websites across the pond have started offering “Black Friday” sales. Good to know that the U.S.A. is exporting our traditional values around the world.

So far, while hundreds of flights were cancelled, air travel was not as awful as expected with the today’s east coast storm. Making many travelers happy, while seriously disappointing others who were all ready to try not to giggle while telling relatives “sorry, just can’t make it this year.”

Hmm, Stanford coach David Shaw thinks his team is “still an attractive team to a bowl”, because “fans have traveled to the last four bowl games.” True enough, but those were big BCS bowls. Wonder how many alums have the Cactus Bowl on their holiday wish list.

A British man on a way to his honeymoon in Cuba got drunk enough on the plane that he first fought with his bride, then threatened the flight crew. So the flight landed in Bermuda, he was arrested, and his wife and the rest of the plane went on without him. Well, that’s getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry..

Musical QB chairs time. The Jets are moving back to starting Geno Smith this Sunday. It’s all part of a complicated process for NY to aim for the #1 draft pick?

A new billboard in Denver warns parents to keep marijuana candy and alcohol away from kids. Cool But can they add guns to the list?

 

If the NFL REALLY wanted to give Americans a Thanksgiving turkey, wouldn’t the league have figured out a way to have a team from the NFL South play Thursday?

Saints and Falcons tied for NFC South lead at 4 and 7. Could be first NFL division champion this year who wouldn’t be NCAA bowl eligible.

Now there are rumors that RGIII is done as the Redskins’ QB. If true, how long until Washington gets a trade offer from the Jets?

 

A man whose backpack was stolen Sunday night in Berkeley discovered his credit card was being used to order a pizza a few hours later. He called the cops, the cops called the pizza place, delivered the pizza, arrested three men, and recovered the stolen property. ‪#‎crooksreallyarestupid‬

From Alex Kaseberg:   “A woman in the crowd before last weekend’s Tennessee football  game wept when Tim Tebow presented her with a piece of cake. Unfortunately for her, the cake was then intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Cut down the net?

November 10, 2014

Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.

 

 

AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.

 

A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.

 

Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”

 

 

The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation.

 

 

ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game

Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt.  Wonder if this year’s ‪#‎NFCSouth‬ champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.

 

After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College  in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”

Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.

 

Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.

 

 

Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.

A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.

President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.