Posted tagged ‘Panthers jokes’

On the road to LI

February 7, 2016

 

So the last pass in the long career of ‪#‎PeytonManning‬ is complete for the 2 point conversion ‪#‎SuperBowl‬

It was not, however, Peyton’s greatest game.  Somewhere ‪#‎Tebow‬ has to be thinking. “I could have been the winning QB in this ‪#‎SuperBowl‬.” ‪#‎defensewinschampionships‬

Peyton didn’t say definitely after the game that he was retiring. But guessing Americans will have to watch “The People vs. OJ Simpson if they want to see more of a slow white Bronco.

Super Bowl concessions prices for small drinks today: $12-15 for beer, and $15-25 wine. And Yankees fans are going “why so cheap?”

So with all the hype on the commercials and the halftime show seemed like the only time for TV viewers to take a bathroom break without missing anything was when the Broncos are on offense.

Meanwhile, anyone with the prop bet of ‪#‎Talib‬ being the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬ most-penalized player had to be chilling champagne in the first quarter.

Several players on both teams had problems with the Levi’s Stadium  field today,  and the groundskeepers were seen replacing divots. Apparently “normally, the NFL trucks in grass from Alabama, but the league decided it was too far a haul to California.”

Well, of course, this is what happens when a non-profit puts together an event on a shoe-string budget.

Cam Newton abruptly just quit the Super Bowl postgame conference. So Cam didn’t get a ring -maybe that performance got him a congratulatory phone call from Sarah Palin?

Trump, “We’re the highest taxed country in the world.” With all due respect, Donald, the U.S. isn’t even the highest taxed country in North America.

Donald Trump Saturday night “I would bring back waterboarding. And I would bring back a hell of a lot worse.” What, like making suspects listen to his speeches?

From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg  “This Super Bowl 50 dropped the Roman Numerals. The only place you’re going to still see Roman Numerals is on Peyton Manning’s birth certificate.”

Marco Rubio is getting slammed for repeating the nearly identical anti-Obama four times in last night’s debate. And Rick Perry said “Hey, give the guy points for counting to four.”

Clipped wings?

January 24, 2016

Right about now if Carson Palmer threw a tantrum it would be intercepted.

Maybe we should have expected this Panthers-Cardinals result – cat owners do know what cats do to birds.

Meanwhile,  Manning vs. Brady turned out to be a battle for the aged.

Interesting that for as little difference as the decision to make the PAT a 33 yard kick may have made the season, that decision might have kept the Patriots out of the Super Bowl.

The snow has stopped, and headlines in New York papers today say things like “We survived.” And in places like Denver, Chicago and Minneapolis they are just giggling.

In Kansas, State Senator Mitch Holmes instituted a dress code for women testifying before committees – no short skirts or plunging necklines, as he says they look provocative and are a distraction Hmm, now for men, what about comb-overs, bad toupees. and pants belted under bellies, which look ridiculous and are a distraction.

Donald Trump wants Megyn Kelly off the next debate, Fox has responded “Megyn Kelly has no conflict of interest. Donald Trump is just trying to build up the audience for Thursday’s debate, for which we thank him.”
How often do I say this, “Fox News is right.”

 

Bizarre fact on Monday’s  ‪#‎SpursvsWarriors‬ game; GS coach Steve Kerr retired after playing for San Antonio in 2003, 3 of his teammates & coach still on team.

Rick Santorum says if he doesn’t do well in Iowa he may end up ending his 2016 Presidential campaign. Shocking. Santorum is still running in 2016?

Jeb Bush today praised Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder for “stepping up” and accepting responsibility for the Flint water crisis. Amazed he didn’t say “Rickie, you’re doing a helluva job.”

A Brooklyn man, playing around with a gun he thought was unloaded, put it to his friend’s head and pulled the trigger. He thought wrong. And has been arrested for homicide. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎yourmoveFlorida‬

To all who love to dismiss the idea of gun control working when there is a shooting in Canada or a city or state with tough laws. So since there are still deaths resulting from drunk drivers does that mean we should give up on DUI laws? Heck, for that matter why have laws against murder. It doesn’t stop all of them.

Dog-gone?

January 4, 2015

Sarah Palin, in response to criticism over her posting a picture of her six year-old son using the family Labrador retriever as a step-stool. “”Chill, At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.” Didn’t realize that was an option.

Kobe Bryant said that he thinks European basketball players “are just way more skillful, They are just taught the game the right way at an early age. ..We really have to address that. We have to teach our kids to play the right way.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were an option for players in the U.S like some years of college..

In Arkansas, a group known as the Knights, formerly “the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan”, bought a billboard promoting “whiteprideradio.com.” What, they were upset about Florida getting all the headlines?

 

Not a big Ravens fan, but having a very hard time seeing how any woman can root for Ben Rothlisberger. Or any man with daughters.‪#‎BALvsPIT‬

The Ravens did survive a 12 men on the field penalty during a Steelers field goal attempt.  And they made the mistake another time that the officials didn’t catch. Who says football players don’t need to take math classes?

Meanwhile, nomination for NFL Understatement of the year?. Cam Newton, on the Panthers’ win “It wasn’t pretty at times.”

Only thing worse than the Panthers and Cardinals teams’ play in their NFL playoff game were all the ambulance-chasing lawyers ads during breaks.

Happiest people not in Charlotte watching Cardinals-Panthers game had to be the Seahawks and Packers. both praying they get to play the winner.

That Georgia police chief is now saying he shot his wife in his sleep. And Oscar Pistorius is going “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Mike Huckabee is leaving Fox News while he decides whether or not to run for President again. But viewers can look forward to his return, as soon as the former Arkansas governor is eliminated in the primaries.

 

Some grumbling over President Obama having a couple expensive dinners in Hawaii, one at a private club and another at NOBU. Of course, had the Obamas gone to a reasonably priced restaurant or a casual chain the same folks would have complained about him ruining dinner plans for average Americans.

 

From T.C. The SEC announces its two newest schools. SEC West welcomes Oregon and SEC East Ohio St.

 

Cut down the net?

November 10, 2014

Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.

 

 

AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.

 

A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.

 

Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”

 

 

The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation.

 

 

ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game

Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt.  Wonder if this year’s ‪#‎NFCSouth‬ champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.

 

After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College  in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”

Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.

 

Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.

 

 

Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.

A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.

President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.