Posted tagged ‘Clinton jokes’

FLOTUS

July 25, 2016

Often imitated, never duplicated ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

 

“This right now is the greatest country on Earth.” And @BarackObama gets reminded again that he married up. ‪#‎MichelleObama‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

 

 

Is it being too much of a girl to have been in love w/ ‪#‎MichelleObama‬‘s speech & at same time going “I love her hair? Asking for a friend

How often do people say “Tonight I am proud to be from New Jersey?” ‪#‎CoryBooker‬ ‪#‎DNCinPhilly‬

 (“You can’t love your country without loving your countrymen and women.  #CoryBooker tonight)

 

Love ‪#‎bridgeovertroubledwater‬, but tonight Simon w/o Garfunkel showed why going it alone isn’t enough. ‪#‎StrongerTogether‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Another woman who, even if she doesn’t get everything she wanted, still rolls up her sleeves to get to work. ‪#‎ElizabethWarren‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Since 2004, I was and remain (albeit older) an Obama girl. Hillary Clinton got almost the same number of votes, 18 million, in the 2008 Primaries as Barack Obama. So it’s understandable that her very disappointed supporters did their best to disrupt the 2008 DNC convention. Oh wait, they didn’t. Never mind.

 

A simple statement for Bernie fans, with Clinton elected, Bernie Sanders will have much more power in USA than under Trump.

Earlier today  word that some of Sanders’ supporters have “serious interest” in a “formal challenge” to replace Kaine on the ticket.
Sigh, are they trying to prove this IS their first rodeo?

Also earlier today, reports of Sanders delegates booing… Bernie?! WTF? Is this the result of too many years of participation trophies. ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

 

All of this politics as reality TV is getting really confusing: At one point during ‪#‎DemsinPhilly‬ do Hillary and Bernie retire to Fantasy Suite?

Don’t get me wrong,  putting what they did in emails was stupid. But just wondering how many folks condemning ‪#‎DNC‬ would be OK with coworkers, friends & family seeing what they wrote about them in their emails.

 

“Do I regret standing up for what I believe in? Absolutely not. Do I regret saying business should not be first before winning? Absolutely not.” Fine sentiments from White Sox pitcher Chris Sale, but dude, we’re talking about UNIFORMS. ‪#‎acutabove‬

Cubs have now lost 4 straight starts by Jake Arrieta, SFGiants have lost 5 of 7 starts by Madison Bumgarner. Time for these two pitchers to start an “Offenses anonymous” club?

#‎SFGiants‬ really need to start doing a better job again distracting us in the Bay Area from trivial things like the fate of our country.

‪#‎BarryBonds‬ turned 52 years old yesterday. And he could still probably outhit most of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ current lineup.

 

Is it going to take Madison Bumgarner hitting again on Wednesday to get ‪#‎SFGiants‬ back on track out of this slump?

KaineTouchThis?

July 22, 2016

Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine as her running mate. #YesWeKaine

 

Donald Trump “Tim Kaine may be fluent in Spanish but he can’t make a taco bowl as good as the one in Trump Tower.”

So ‪#‎Panik‬ on DL, ‪#‎Duffy‬ on DL, and the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ gold-glove winning shortstop is the one who makes 3 errors in game….‪#‎WTF‬ #SFGiants

If Bochy had resisted the urge to use DH, ‪#‎Madbum‬ would have been up in bottom of 4th with bases loaded instead of Blanco. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

Fortunately since he is not pitching Saturday Madison Bumgarner is available to pinch hit.

RIP‬ ‪#‎DennisGreen‬. Stanford fans remember him for the important things – he went 3-0 in Big Games, and his 1990 team upset #1 Notre Dame.

Many Americans are unaware that ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ is a year younger than ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬. Maybe because she has an age appropriate spouse?

Alas, it’s been almost 10 years since we lost the woman who really should have been commenting on Trump’s speech, but her comment on Pat Buchanan’s speech from 1992 will do just fine: “It probably sounded better in the original German.” ‪#‎MollyIvins‬

But here’s the 2016 quote:  “I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I’ve championed for years. My slogan remains America first.” David Duke

Yep, she’s the Donald’s daughter alright. After her speech last night, Ivanka Trump posted a tweet. About her policies, promises, politics.. ? Nope.
“Shop Ivanka’s look from her ‪#‎RNC‬ speech” with a link where to buy the dress at Macy’s.

The dress ‪#‎IvankaTrump‬ wore for her speech last night, from her own clothing line, was made in China. ‪#‎MakeAmericaFakeAgain‬

 

#‎IvankaTrump‬ did look pretty in dress at ‪#‎RNC‬ from her own clothing line Wonder if she looked like fairy princess to children who made it?

 

How often do I say this, but well played ‪#‎STLCards‬, well played! ‪#‎silverlining‬ in a tough week. 16 innings against ‪#‎Dodg-ers‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Knicks point guard Derrick Rose “With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams.”
Uh, is Rose daring the NBA to drug test him?

 

One of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s tweets last night – “This is a movement.” Yes, a bowel movement. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

So in all seriousness, we heard a lot last night about how much Trump’s employees adored him. But I’ve been in the travel industry a long time, never heard any of the love – have gotten things like this direct quote from an unidentified employee at an unidentified Trump hotel – back in 2012 -“Just so you know he does not own the hotel – we all hate his policies!!!!”

And a contender for airline euphemism for the day, from Southwest. “We continue to manage through lingering disruptions following performance issues across multiple technology systems Wednesday,”
Translation, “We’re still cleaning up from our complete bleeping computer crash.”

She’s got mail.

July 5, 2016

The FBI says they will not press charges against Hillary Clinton. Director James Comey says there was no “clear evidence” of intentional misconduct.  So this will change exactly zero minds on Hillary’s guilt or innocence.

 –

FBI director James Comey did say Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” but if GOP is going to condemn a lack of judgment with her emails what about those Iraq WMDs?
Until today, Republicans admired FBI director James Comey, like they used to admire judge Merrick Garland.
FBI director James Comey said “‘no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against Clinton for emails. I am sure this will convince the GOP as they’ve reasonably only voted 60 times to repeal Obamacare.

 

Paul Ryan tonight said the GOP will hold hearings on the FBI’s decision not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over the emails. Why don’t they run them along with another Benghazi hearing? Would save time.

 

Just wondering how many Americans screaming about Hillary ‪#‎Clinton‬‘s email server have any idea what an email server actually is.

Now a drug- resistant bacteria has been found in the water off some of Rio’s most popular beaches. Well security at the Olympics may not be as big a problem as previously feared: if this keeps up even ISIL will be scared to go near the place.

If Donald Trump wanted to tweet about real ‪#‎RiggedSystem‬, he should have ignored Hillary’s emails & talked about ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ voting.

More wins than any team in National League & only one position player in the ‪#‎AllStarGame‬. But ‪#‎SFGiants‬ players need the rest anyway.  (If the bullpen hadn’t blown 6 of 9 last saves they’d have more wins than any team in baseball.)

 

#‎SFGiants‬ now take over the major league lead from the ‪#‎Reds‬ in blown saves. ‪#‎notthetitleyouwant‬

ESPN is devoting an hour to the MLB “Esurance All-Star Selection Show” tonight. An hour?! So where’s that hacker who leaked the March Madness brackets when we need him or her?

‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to trade for ‪#‎NolanArenado‬ someday if for no other reason than to keep him from batting against them.

Best news for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ with ‪#‎KevinDurant‬ to ‪#‎Warriors‬; even in even year, they’re not the SF Bay Area team most burdened w/ high expectations.

The Alabama AD self-reported five violations for the 2015-16 academic year against their football team. The school said they were all “secondary violations,” which don’t lead to probation. Well of course, isn’t anything the Crimson Tide football teams do at most a secondary violation.

To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer. This is the response I got today on confirming a hotel night….in midtown Manhattan:
ROOM VIEW – OCEAN VIEW

Apparently some parents were upset to find out that Hooters had sponsored a 3-day Cub Scout camp, and sent a few of their waitresses to volunteer. Even more upset, some fathers whose own Cub Scout volunteer days may now be over.

Meanwhile, while some Americans freak out over terrorism, more than 60 people were shot in Chicago over the 4th of July weekend; four died.

Clinton campaign statement on the FBI decision not to charge her over emails: “We are glad this matter is now resolved.”
Glad for no charges I can see, but “resolved?” Right, like Obama’s birth certificate, or Obamacare for that matter, ever was resolved with many in the GOP… ‪#‎shecandream‬

 

Donald Trump today on Saddam Hussein: “He was a bad guy — really bad guy. But you know what? He did well? He killed terrorists.”
Yeah, along with only maybe 250,000-500,000 Iraqis. ‪#‎ThisIShimtryingtobePresidential‬

Holi-daze?

July 1, 2016

For all my Canadian friends, Happy (now belated)  Canada Day. For my American friends, might be important to remember July 1 matters up north, in case you were thinking of moving if Trump wins in November.

 

Bill Clinton met briefly but privately with Attorney General Loretta Lynch this week in Phoenix. And of course some allege that they might have talked about the email investigation.
So the former President was alone with a woman and the rumors aren’t about sex? How the mighty have fallen.

#‎Lakers‬ signed ‪#‎TimofeyMozgov‬ to a $64 million contract. Even the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ think that’s overspending for mediocre talent.

OJ Mayo has been suspended from the NBA for 2 years for violating the league’s drug testing program. This is the same Mayo who played one year at USC, was ruled to have accepted improper benefits, got the school’s wins vacated and then entered the draft. Not that I am a Trojans fan but have to admire mean bitch Karma in delayed mode.

‪#‎Iceland‬ has become so popular with their ‪#‎EURO2016‬ run, if this keeps up some Americans will even learn to find it on a map.

One more thought for the day on Madison Bumgarner hitting. Now, he may not be the best hitter on the team by a longshot. But how many other pitchers do fans time their concession-bathroom-whatever breaks around making sure you don’t miss an at-bat? ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎PitcherswhoRake‬

 

And sure, all SF Giants fans knew the team would start off July with a win thanks to Grant Green, Jarrett Parker, and Conor Gillaspie.

Reports now indicate that Kevin Durant is “90% likely” to stay with the Thunder. So all of this media free-agent hype may be about as accurate as the supermarket tabloids regularly promising celebrity divorces.

At Machu Picchu, a man entered a restricted area, and asked someone to take his picture leaping in the air. He then leapt, fell of a cliff, and died. Not often you get a Darwin Award and an Incan sacrifice at the same time.

So has a team from ‪#‎Cleveland‬ lost since game 4 of the ‪#‎NBAfinals‬? ‪#‎Indians‬ ‪#‎Cavs‬

(my friend Richard Rothschild tells me, well, actually since before game 6.)

On Delta’s website today, fares from San Francisco to Detroit were apparently showing up for over $13,000 roundtrip, in coach. Well, that’s absurd. Who would ever think it would cost that much for a domestic airfare. Now by the time you add fees….maybe.

Trump spoke today in Denver following Sarah Palin. So he did that because after Palin there’s a CHANCE the Donald looks sane by comparison?

A Miami strip club bartender wanted to spend some time with a man who wasn’t her husband, so she told hubby she had been kidnapped. He called the cops, she got arrested. Uh, she couldn’t have found ONE friend to say it was a girls’ weekend? ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎Butyoucanarreststupid‬

Now Al Qaeda and ISIS are both claiming credit for a hostage situation in Bangladesh. I do suppose it’s too much to hope that they might get mad enough to start shooting and bombing each other.

Donald Trump, on the Supreme Court’s 5-3 Texas abortion clinic ruling: “Now if we had—Scalia was living, or if Scalia was replaced by me, you wouldn’t have had that, OK? It would’ve been the opposite.”
Because 5-4 is the opposite of 5-3? The Donald is not only not qualified to be President, he’s not qualified to teach 2nd grade math.

Going pro, or rather semi-pro

June 8, 2016

Kentucky coach John Calipari said the Philadelphia 76ers should select the Wildcats’ Jamal Murray as the No. 1 pick in the June 23 NBA draft. So what did Murray ever do to him?

Johnny Manziel is allegedly still holding out hope for a return to football in 2016. “Give it up already,” responded Tim Tebow.

 

#‎SteveKerr‬  asked about ‪#‎Cavs‬ aggressive start after the first quarter of game 3.. “What did you see in response from your guys?” “Not a whole lot.” ‪#‎Popwouldbepround‬ ‪#‎GSWvsCLE‬

But so  what ‪#‎Cavs‬ needed to compete with ‪#‎Warriors‬ was for ‪#‎KevinLove‬ to get a concussion? Heck, a Cleveland  teammate might have clocked him sooner.

.-

“The Greatest” wanted his funeral to be free and so 15,000 tickets were given away in Louisville. Now of course, people are trying to sell the free tickets on Ebay etc. Ali family spokesman Bob Gunnell said “I’m personally disgusted and amazed that someone would try to profit off of Muhammad Ali’s memorial service.”
“Disgusted,” I get. “Amazed….?” Someone hasn’t been paying attention.

 –

‪#‎BristolPalin‬ has married her baby daddy. And millions of Americans are asking “Which one?”

Guess resort fees aren’t enough. MGM Resorts International in Las Vegas is now charging for parking at all their properties. Ah, for the days when the only bandits in town were the one-armed variety.

Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for two years for using PEDs. And at the same time Hillary wins the Democratic nomination we are reminded it’s not always a good thing when women prove they can be equal to men.

Bill Nye “the Science Guy” says that conservatives need an “epiphany” to attract younger voters. Okay, “science” is one strike against him, does Nye really think it will help his cause to use high-faluting words like “epiphany?”

#‎Kasich‬ is holding steady at about 11% in ‪#‎CaliforniaPrimary‬ . That’s about as high as he got in most states when he was still campaigning.

Despite Hillary Clinton’s winning California by about 13%, the networks didn’t call the primary win for her until about 4a. In related news, the same networks are saying the Golden State Warriors still have a pretty good chance to win the NBA championship.

Email from Bernie Sanders today “The struggle continues.” Yes, it does. But the arithmetic does not.

 

Convicted rapist and former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner  is apparently filing an appeal, even with his slap-on-the-wrist sentence.   Hmm, can someone make up some #20minutesofaction” t-shirts for Turner to give to his future wife and/or daughters?

 

The Guardian has leaked a letter that convicted rapist Brock Turner sent to the judge in his case “I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life.” ‪#‎getouttheviolins‬

 

 

Stuart Anderson, founder of the Black Angus Steakhouse chain, has passed away at the age of 93. No details on services yet, but no doubt coupon discounts will be available.

A long long time ago…..

June 6, 2016

#‎VinScully‬ was apparently telling ‪#‎DDay‬ stories tonight during ‪#‎Dodgers‬ loss. Wonder they included seeing ‪#‎JamieMoyer‬ pitch that day?

Steph Curry is bowing out of the Olympics. Makes sense. If he wants the experience against playing against a team of mixed amateurs and professionals, the Warriors have plenty of games next year against the Lakers.

Madison Bumgarner wants to participate in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. Now, that would probably be too dangerous with the injury risk of swinging that many times. But since the game “counts” maybe Bochy could let ‪#‎Madbum‬ pinch hit? ‪#‎pitcherswhorake‬

 

Looking like ‪#‎LebronJames‬ is about 2 games, and one 2013 miracle Ray Allen shot, away from going 1-6 in ‪#‎NBAFinals‬.

Marshawn Lynch confirmed his retirement on a 60 Minutes Sports/Sports Illustrated segment “No I’m done. I’m done. I enjoyed my time playing, now it’s time to watch my cousins do their thing.”
Wow, retirement has made Lynch positively loquacious.

Hillary’s bro-in-law ‪#‎RogerClinton‬ was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Clearly that makes him unfit to be related to a President. On the other hand, does that qualify him to run for V.P.? ‪#‎Cheney‬

 

Got an email today saying that “Even if Clinton’s already won, a vote for Sanders will help defeat Trump.” Because the more delegates Bernie gets, the more supportive he’s going to be of Hillary in November? Yeah. Right.

A former Secret Service agent has an anti-Clinton book due out this month. Gary Bryne says he has “no animosity” towards the former First Family: “But I could not keep from asking myself how our nation’s leaders could be so reckless, so volatile, and so dangerous to themselves and to our nation.” And I am sure Bryne has no other rea$on$$$$$$..

 

More on the Stanford rape case, and what feels like a sentencing debacle – the convicted rapist said he thought the sex was consensual, but when two other students happened upon him with the young woman, he ran away. Uh, if he was with a consensual partner, the natural impulse might be to cover up, or to shield her, or just to tell the others “go away and give us some privacy.” Not to run.

 

Mean bitch karma had to be disappointed with the sentencing in the Stanford rape case. On the other hand, had the rapist. Brock Turner, been given a reasonable sentence, it might have been a 24 hour story and maybe he gets out of prison and rebuilds a life in anonymity. Not a chance now. So not a win, but not a complete loss either. ‪#‎Neverdismissmeanbirthkarma‬-

 

 

For better, for worse, or for trade-in?

May 19, 2016

It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.

Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?

 

Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation.  The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. ‪#‎ifonlythestudentswerearmed‬

Just think, had their offers been accepted ‪#‎SFGiants‬ could have both ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ & ‪#‎ZackGreinke‬ on this year’s payroll.

After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?

Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?

When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.

A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.

‪#‎MorleySafer‬ 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.

 

Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….

Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?

A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? ‪#‎therearenoprivatemessages‬

The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.

Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for ‪#‎Florida‬ which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. ‪#‎priorities‬

From T.C.  “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.

Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”


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