Posted tagged ‘Clinton jokes’
November 1, 2016
Or as they call it in the U.S. – “National half-price candy day.”
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You think you have a hard week at work, imagine all the teachers who have to deal with kids crashing off a sugar high that started Monday night.
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Election has really ruined #Halloween horror movies this year. No way to make fiction scarier than reality.
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Interesting to see some people rooting against the Cleveland Indians because of their Chief Wahoo mascot. But many of those people have no problem with the Chicago Cubs despite their star closer being suspended 30 games for domestic violence. #Priorities
Tim Tebow, who is hitting 147 in the Arizona Fall League, apparently slightly injured his right knee trying to steal second base. Shocking many sports fans that he ever got to first base.
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New England LB Jamie Collins will have his 4-year rookie contract expire at season’s end, and he was asking for big money. Today the Patriots traded Collins to the Browns. Talk about deflating.
Good news for #Bears fans, their team won on #MNF. Bad news for #Bears fans, now for a while they might be stuck with #JayCutler
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In China, a 20-year-old man climbed into a giant panda enclosure to impress two women he was with. While the panda grabbed the guy, and head-butted him, the idiot escaped with only “his pants torn to shreds.” One of those moments you really wish pandas were carnivores.
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A new poll found that while 46% of Americans view Hillary Clinton favorably and 47% unfavorably. those who prefer Fox News split 13% favorably, 84% unfavorably. In related news, the poll found that water is wet.
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Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said today “we don’t plan on making the Comey investigation the main centerpiece of our messaging.” Sounds like Conway pays about as much to what the Donald actually says as Mike Pence does.
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John #Kasich says he wrote in #JohnMcCain‘s name on Presidential ballot. How long until #Trump announces plan to build a wall around Ohio?
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And finally, while we’re on the subject of emails, there’s this letter from Harry Reid to James Comey: “In my communication with you and other top officials in the national security community, it has become clear that you possess explosive information about close ties and coordination between Donald Trump, his top advisers, and the Russian government – a foreign interest openly hostile to the United States, which Trump praises at every opportunity.
‘The public has a right to know this information. I wrote to you months ago calling for this information to be released to the public. There is no danger to American interests from releasing it. ”
This all would be a lot more fun if it weren’t real.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Day of the Dead jokes, email jokes, Halloween jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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October 19, 2016
So a close call at the plate in the Dodgers Cubs game got millions of Americans outraged before debatenight even gets started.
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Meanwhile the debate ended up being about as close as the NLCS Game 4 final score.
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The @Indians might just be the best baseball team America has never heard of. @ALCS
All these people claiming Trump is acting like a child clearly didn’t discipline their children enough.
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Admittedly Hillary Clinton had a huge advantage tonight. As a woman she’s had years of experience keeping a straight face listening to men say crazy shit.
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A major U.S. Presidential candidate just said that he “will look at it at the time” regarding accepting the result of election. It’s about time to set up wind turbines atop the graves of our Founding Fathers.
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Okay, so who’s going to be the first to make & sell #nastywoman t-shirts?
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“Why should you vote for me for President?” Because I will accept election results & am not bat-shit crazy. Hillary Clinton .
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Does Trump realize that with all the Senators he has offended they might not want to confirm his Supreme Court nominees either?
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Trump as sure that Hillary got women to step forward to accuse him as he is sure Russia has had nothing to do with hacking.
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All across America millions of people sitting back, pouring large drinks & saying “Did he REALLY say that about election?”
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Somewhere @AlecBaldwin is getting carpal tunnel syndrome as he frantically tries to keep up taking notes for this week’s #SNL #debatenight
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Wouldn’t we all pay big $$$ to see #Wikileaks leak what #Trump‘s staff says about him behind HIS back?
“Donald thinks that belittling women makes him bigger.” Line of the night #YouGoGirl #YouGoMadamePresident
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So can we call #DonaldTrump the first true Creamsicle Presidential Candidate? Orange on the outside, really white on the inside.
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Ohio Gov. John Kasich today: “To say that elections are rigged and all these votes are stolen, that’s like saying we never landed on the moon. That’s how silly it is.” Wait for Trump tomorrow to tweet that the moon landing was a hoax.
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Condi Rice was asked in an email by CNN’s KFILE if she has a response to Donald Trump in a 2006 speech when he said “Condoleezza Rice, she’s a lovely woman, but I think she’s a bitch”
Her response: “Exactly. Can’t wait until November 9!”
Not often I say this about Rice, but #YouGoGirl.
In a recent poll, 60 percent of Americans supported the legalization of pot. And 20 percent more probably responded “Dude, what was that question again?”
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Kenyan-born #MalikObama got a front-row seat to debate. So @realDonaldTrump just using another immigrant to take something from Americans.
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NFL ratings are down over 11% this year. Owners are scrambling to explain it with things like the Presidential election being a distraction. And it’s possible the concussion issue is turning people off. Or maybe America has figured out there are just a lot of lousy teams.
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Dez Bryant says he cut two fingers on his hand slicing carrots for soup. Amazing. Who knew Dez Bryant cooked?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Condoleezza Rice jokes, debate jokes, debate night jokes, nasty woman jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 14, 2016
Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?
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Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run. At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.
If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.
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Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.
(or in some cases, like today, their hitters.)
Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?
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Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech, is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….
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In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.
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Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.
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Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?
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Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?
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So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.
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Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.
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Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, curry jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 25, 2016
Often imitated, never duplicated #MichelleObama
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“This right now is the greatest country on Earth.” And @BarackObama gets reminded again that he married up. #MichelleObama #DemsInPhilly”
Is it being too much of a girl to have been in love w/ #MichelleObama‘s speech & at same time going “I love her hair? Asking for a friend
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How often do people say “Tonight I am proud to be from New Jersey?” #CoryBooker #DNCinPhilly
(“You can’t love your country without loving your countrymen and women. #CoryBooker tonight)
Love #bridgeovertroubledwater, but tonight Simon w/o Garfunkel showed why going it alone isn’t enough. #StrongerTogether #DemsInPhilly
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Another woman who, even if she doesn’t get everything she wanted, still rolls up her sleeves to get to work. #ElizabethWarren #DemsInPhilly
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Since 2004, I was and remain (albeit older) an Obama girl. Hillary Clinton got almost the same number of votes, 18 million, in the 2008 Primaries as Barack Obama. So it’s understandable that her very disappointed supporters did their best to disrupt the 2008 DNC convention. Oh wait, they didn’t. Never mind.
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A simple statement for Bernie fans, with Clinton elected, Bernie Sanders will have much more power in USA than under Trump.
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Earlier today word that some of Sanders’ supporters have “serious interest” in a “formal challenge” to replace Kaine on the ticket.
Sigh, are they trying to prove this IS their first rodeo?
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Also earlier today, reports of Sanders delegates booing… Bernie?! WTF? Is this the result of too many years of participation trophies. #DemsInPhilly
All of this politics as reality TV is getting really confusing: At one point during #DemsinPhilly do Hillary and Bernie retire to Fantasy Suite?
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Don’t get me wrong, putting what they did in emails was stupid. But just wondering how many folks condemning #DNC would be OK with coworkers, friends & family seeing what they wrote about them in their emails.
“Do I regret standing up for what I believe in? Absolutely not. Do I regret saying business should not be first before winning? Absolutely not.” Fine sentiments from White Sox pitcher Chris Sale, but dude, we’re talking about UNIFORMS. #acutabove
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Cubs have now lost 4 straight starts by Jake Arrieta, SFGiants have lost 5 of 7 starts by Madison Bumgarner. Time for these two pitchers to start an “Offenses anonymous” club?
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#SFGiants really need to start doing a better job again distracting us in the Bay Area from trivial things like the fate of our country.
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#BarryBonds turned 52 years old yesterday. And he could still probably outhit most of the #SFGiants current lineup.
Is it going to take Madison Bumgarner hitting again on Wednesday to get #SFGiants back on track out of this slump?
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #DNCinPhilly, bernie jokes, chris sale jokes, Clinton jokes, dnc jokes, Janice Hough, Michelle Obama, SF Giants jokes
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July 22, 2016
Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine as her running mate. #YesWeKaine
Donald Trump “Tim Kaine may be fluent in Spanish but he can’t make a taco bowl as good as the one in Trump Tower.”
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So #Panik on DL, #Duffy on DL, and the #SFGiants gold-glove winning shortstop is the one who makes 3 errors in game….#WTF #SFGiants
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If Bochy had resisted the urge to use DH, #Madbum would have been up in bottom of 4th with bases loaded instead of Blanco. #SFGiants.
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Fortunately since he is not pitching Saturday Madison Bumgarner is available to pinch hit.
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RIP #DennisGreen. Stanford fans remember him for the important things – he went 3-0 in Big Games, and his 1990 team upset #1 Notre Dame.
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Many Americans are unaware that #HillaryClinton is a year younger than #DonaldTrump. Maybe because she has an age appropriate spouse?
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Alas, it’s been almost 10 years since we lost the woman who really should have been commenting on Trump’s speech, but her comment on Pat Buchanan’s speech from 1992 will do just fine: “It probably sounded better in the original German.” #MollyIvins
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But here’s the 2016 quote: “I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I’ve championed for years. My slogan remains America first.” David Duke
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Yep, she’s the Donald’s daughter alright. After her speech last night, Ivanka Trump posted a tweet. About her policies, promises, politics.. ? Nope.
“Shop Ivanka’s look from her #RNC speech” with a link where to buy the dress at Macy’s.
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The dress #IvankaTrump wore for her speech last night, from her own clothing line, was made in China. #MakeAmericaFakeAgain
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#IvankaTrump did look pretty in dress at #RNC from her own clothing line Wonder if she looked like fairy princess to children who made it?
How often do I say this, but well played #STLCards, well played! #silverlining in a tough week. 16 innings against #Dodg-ers. #SFGiants
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Knicks point guard Derrick Rose “With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams.”
Uh, is Rose daring the NBA to drug test him?
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One of #Trump‘s tweets last night – “This is a movement.” Yes, a bowel movement. #RNCinCLE
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So in all seriousness, we heard a lot last night about how much Trump’s employees adored him. But I’ve been in the travel industry a long time, never heard any of the love – have gotten things like this direct quote from an unidentified employee at an unidentified Trump hotel – back in 2012 -“Just so you know he does not own the hotel – we all hate his policies!!!!”
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And a contender for airline euphemism for the day, from Southwest. “We continue to manage through lingering disruptions following performance issues across multiple technology systems Wednesday,”
Translation, “We’re still cleaning up from our complete bleeping computer crash.”
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kaine jokes, sfgjants jokes
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July 5, 2016
The FBI says they will not press charges against Hillary Clinton. Director James Comey says there was no “clear evidence” of intentional misconduct. So this will change exactly zero minds on Hillary’s guilt or innocence.
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FBI director James Comey did say Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” but if GOP is going to condemn a lack of judgment with her emails
what about those Iraq WMDs?
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Until today, Republicans admired FBI director James Comey, like they used to admire judge Merrick Garland.
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FBI director James Comey said “‘no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against Clinton for emails. I am sure this will convince the GOP as they’ve reasonably only voted 60 times to repeal Obamacare.
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Paul Ryan tonight said the GOP will hold hearings on the FBI’s decision not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over the emails. Why don’t they run them along with another Benghazi hearing? Would save time.
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Just wondering how many Americans screaming about Hillary #Clinton‘s email server have any idea what an email server actually is.
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Now a drug- resistant bacteria has been found in the water off some of Rio’s most popular beaches. Well security at the Olympics may not be as big a problem as previously feared: if this keeps up even ISIL will be scared to go near the place.
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If Donald Trump wanted to tweet about real #RiggedSystem, he should have ignored Hillary’s emails & talked about #AllStarGame voting.
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More wins than any team in National League & only one position player in the #AllStarGame. But #SFGiants players need the rest anyway. (If the bullpen hadn’t blown 6 of 9 last saves they’d have more wins than any team in baseball.)
#SFGiants now take over the major league lead from the #Reds in blown saves. #notthetitleyouwant
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ESPN is devoting an hour to the MLB “Esurance All-Star Selection Show” tonight. An hour?! So where’s that hacker who leaked the March Madness brackets when we need him or her?
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#SFGiants need to trade for #NolanArenado someday if for no other reason than to keep him from batting against them.
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Best news for #SFGiants with #KevinDurant to #Warriors; even in even year, they’re not the SF Bay Area team most burdened w/ high expectations.
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The Alabama AD self-reported five violations for the 2015-16 academic year against their football team. The school said they were all “secondary violations,” which don’t lead to probation. Well of course, isn’t anything the Crimson Tide football teams do at most a secondary violation.
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To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer. This is the response I got today on confirming a hotel night….in midtown Manhattan:
ROOM VIEW – OCEAN VIEW
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Apparently some parents were upset to find out that Hooters had sponsored a 3-day Cub Scout camp, and sent a few of their waitresses to volunteer. Even more upset, some fathers whose own Cub Scout volunteer days may now be over.
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Meanwhile, while some Americans freak out over terrorism, more than 60 people were shot in Chicago over the 4th of July weekend; four died.
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Clinton campaign statement on the FBI decision not to charge her over emails: “We are glad this matter is now resolved.”
Glad for no charges I can see, but “resolved?” Right, like Obama’s birth certificate, or Obamacare for that matter, ever was resolved with many in the GOP… #shecandream
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Donald Trump today on Saddam Hussein: “He was a bad guy — really bad guy. But you know what? He did well? He killed terrorists.”
Yeah, along with only maybe 250,000-500,000 Iraqis. #ThisIShimtryingtobePresidential
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Clinton jokes, email jokes, fbi jokes, james comey jokes, Janice Hough, MLB AllStar game jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 1, 2016
For all my Canadian friends, Happy (now belated) Canada Day. For my American friends, might be important to remember July 1 matters up north, in case you were thinking of moving if Trump wins in November.
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Bill Clinton met briefly but privately with Attorney General Loretta Lynch this week in Phoenix. And of course some allege that they might have talked about the email investigation.
So the former President was alone with a woman and the rumors aren’t about sex? How the mighty have fallen.
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#Lakers signed #TimofeyMozgov to a $64 million contract. Even the #Dodgers think that’s overspending for mediocre talent.
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OJ Mayo has been suspended from the NBA for 2 years for violating the league’s drug testing program. This is the same Mayo who played one year at USC, was ruled to have accepted improper benefits, got the school’s wins vacated and then entered the draft. Not that I am a Trojans fan but have to admire mean bitch Karma in delayed mode.
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#Iceland has become so popular with their #EURO2016 run, if this keeps up some Americans will even learn to find it on a map.
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One more thought for the day on Madison Bumgarner hitting. Now, he may not be the best hitter on the team by a longshot. But how many other pitchers do fans time their concession-bathroom-whatever breaks around making sure you don’t miss an at-bat? #SFGiants #PitcherswhoRake
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And sure, all SF Giants fans knew the team would start off July with a win thanks to Grant Green, Jarrett Parker, and Conor Gillaspie.
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Reports now indicate that Kevin Durant is “90% likely” to stay with the Thunder. So all of this media free-agent hype may be about as accurate as the supermarket tabloids regularly promising celebrity divorces.
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At Machu Picchu, a man entered a restricted area, and asked someone to take his picture leaping in the air. He then leapt, fell of a cliff, and died. Not often you get a Darwin Award and an Incan sacrifice at the same time.
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So has a team from #Cleveland lost since game 4 of the #NBAfinals? #Indians #Cavs
(my friend Richard Rothschild tells me, well, actually since before game 6.)
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On Delta’s website today, fares from San Francisco to Detroit were apparently showing up for over $13,000 roundtrip, in coach. Well, that’s absurd. Who would ever think it would cost that much for a domestic airfare. Now by the time you add fees….maybe.
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Trump spoke today in Denver following Sarah Palin. So he did that because after Palin there’s a CHANCE the Donald looks sane by comparison?
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A Miami strip club bartender wanted to spend some time with a man who wasn’t her husband, so she told hubby she had been kidnapped. He called the cops, she got arrested. Uh, she couldn’t have found ONE friend to say it was a girls’ weekend? #Cantfixstupid #Butyoucanarreststupid
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Now Al Qaeda and ISIS are both claiming credit for a hostage situation in Bangladesh. I do suppose it’s too much to hope that they might get mad enough to start shooting and bombing each other.
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Donald Trump, on the Supreme Court’s 5-3 Texas abortion clinic ruling: “Now if we had—Scalia was living, or if Scalia was replaced by me, you wouldn’t have had that, OK? It would’ve been the opposite.”
Because 5-4 is the opposite of 5-3? The Donald is not only not qualified to be President, he’s not qualified to teach 2nd grade math.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Canada jokes, Clinton jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mayo jokes, NBA jokes
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June 8, 2016
Kentucky coach John Calipari said the Philadelphia 76ers should select the Wildcats’ Jamal Murray as the No. 1 pick in the June 23 NBA draft. So what did Murray ever do to him?
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Johnny Manziel is allegedly still holding out hope for a return to football in 2016. “Give it up already,” responded Tim Tebow.
#SteveKerr asked about #Cavs aggressive start after the first quarter of game 3.. “What did you see in response from your guys?” “Not a whole lot.” #Popwouldbepround #GSWvsCLE
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But so what #Cavs needed to compete with #Warriors was for #KevinLove to get a concussion? Heck, a Cleveland teammate might have clocked him sooner.
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“The Greatest” wanted his funeral to be free and so 15,000 tickets were given away in Louisville. Now of course, people are trying to sell the free tickets on Ebay etc. Ali family spokesman Bob Gunnell said “I’m personally disgusted and amazed that someone would try to profit off of Muhammad Ali’s memorial service.”
“Disgusted,” I get. “Amazed….?” Someone hasn’t been paying attention.
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#BristolPalin has married her baby daddy. And millions of Americans are asking “Which one?”
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Guess resort fees aren’t enough. MGM Resorts International in Las Vegas is now charging for parking at all their properties. Ah, for the days when the only bandits in town were the one-armed variety.
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Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for two years for using PEDs. And at the same time Hillary wins the Democratic nomination we are reminded it’s not always a good thing when women prove they can be equal to men.
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Bill Nye “the Science Guy” says that conservatives need an “epiphany” to attract younger voters. Okay, “science” is one strike against him, does Nye really think it will help his cause to use high-faluting words like “epiphany?”
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#Kasich is holding steady at about 11% in #CaliforniaPrimary . That’s about as high as he got in most states when he was still campaigning.
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Despite Hillary Clinton’s winning California by about 13%, the networks didn’t call the primary win for her until about 4a. In related news, the same networks are saying the Golden State Warriors still have a pretty good chance to win the NBA championship.
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Email from Bernie Sanders today “The struggle continues.” Yes, it does. But the arithmetic does not.
Convicted rapist and former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner is apparently filing an appeal, even with his slap-on-the-wrist sentence. Hmm, can someone make up some #20minutesofaction” t-shirts for Turner to give to his future wife and/or daughters?
The Guardian has leaked a letter that convicted rapist Brock Turner sent to the judge in his case “I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life.” #getouttheviolins
Stuart Anderson, founder of the Black Angus Steakhouse chain, has passed away at the age of 93. No details on services yet, but no doubt coupon discounts will be available.
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, brock turner jokes, Cavs jokes, Clinton jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NBA finals jokes, sharipova jokes, Vegas jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 6, 2016
#VinScully was apparently telling #DDay stories tonight during #Dodgers loss. Wonder they included seeing #JamieMoyer pitch that day?
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Steph Curry is bowing out of the Olympics. Makes sense. If he wants the experience against playing against a team of mixed amateurs and professionals, the Warriors have plenty of games next year against the Lakers.
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Madison Bumgarner wants to participate in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. Now, that would probably be too dangerous with the injury risk of swinging that many times. But since the game “counts” maybe Bochy could let #Madbum pinch hit? #pitcherswhorake
Looking like #LebronJames is about 2 games, and one 2013 miracle Ray Allen shot, away from going 1-6 in #NBAFinals.
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Marshawn Lynch confirmed his retirement on a 60 Minutes Sports/Sports Illustrated segment “No I’m done. I’m done. I enjoyed my time playing, now it’s time to watch my cousins do their thing.”
Wow, retirement has made Lynch positively loquacious.
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Hillary’s bro-in-law #RogerClinton was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Clearly that makes him unfit to be related to a President. On the other hand, does that qualify him to run for V.P.? #Cheney
Got an email today saying that “Even if Clinton’s already won, a vote for Sanders will help defeat Trump.” Because the more delegates Bernie gets, the more supportive he’s going to be of Hillary in November? Yeah. Right.
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A former Secret Service agent has an anti-Clinton book due out this month. Gary Bryne says he has “no animosity” towards the former First Family: “But I could not keep from asking myself how our nation’s leaders could be so reckless, so volatile, and so dangerous to themselves and to our nation.” And I am sure Bryne has no other rea$on$$$$$$..
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More on the Stanford rape case, and what feels like a sentencing debacle – the convicted rapist said he thought the sex was consensual, but when two other students happened upon him with the young woman, he ran away. Uh, if he was with a consensual partner, the natural impulse might be to cover up, or to shield her, or just to tell the others “go away and give us some privacy.” Not to run.
Mean bitch karma had to be disappointed with the sentencing in the Stanford rape case. On the other hand, had the rapist. Brock Turner, been given a reasonable sentence, it might have been a 24 hour story and maybe he gets out of prison and rebuilds a life in anonymity. Not a chance now. So not a win, but not a complete loss either. #Neverdismissmeanbirthkarma-
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #meanbitchkarma, bernie jokes, california primary jokes, Clinton jokes, curry jokes, dday jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, madbum jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
May 19, 2016
It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.
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Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?
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Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation. The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. #ifonlythestudentswerearmed
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Just think, had their offers been accepted #SFGiants could have both #PabloSandoval & #ZackGreinke on this year’s payroll.
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After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.
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#SFGiants bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?
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Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?
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When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.
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A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.
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#MorleySafer 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.
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Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….
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Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?
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A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? #therearenoprivatemessages
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The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.
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Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for #Florida which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. #priorities
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From T.C. “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.
Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, morley safer jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 17, 2016
Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?
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Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. #somethingsgottogive
Vince Carter had a good game for #Grizzlies. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the #Spurs?
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Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. #ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
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Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.
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#LukeWalton has apparently turned down head coaching job with #Knicks. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an #NBA professional team
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McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?
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The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….
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While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….
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A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?
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Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.
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Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.
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Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, NBA playoff jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, New York jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Trump jokes
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April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 27, 2016
Wonder how many sports fans decided to turn off the Syracuse Virginia game late in favor of sitting down to Easter dinner with their families #neveragain
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This might have been the most abject & complete surrender with #VIrginia not at the Appomattox Court House. #MarchMadness #Syracuse
Silver lining for today’s Syracuse-Virginia game: Alums of Northern Iowa no longer have to be known for the biggest late choke job in the 2016 #MarchMadness tournament.
So who is happier after Syracuse’s amazing comeback today against Virginia. Stunned Syracuse alums? Or North Carolina fans who suddenly see their way a bit clearer to the finals? #iftheydontfreakoutoverapress
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#Virginia got outscored 28-8 in the last 9 minutes of game. With shooting like that they’ll be getting a post-game call from Dick Cheney?
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Stanford women lost today in the Elite Eight of the NCAA women’s basketball tournament. But this would all be more interesting if the end goal wasn’t simply to get into the finals and be destroyed by UConn. #dominance
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#Microsoft is rumored to be thinking of buying #Yahoo. The computer industry version of two wrongs trying to make a right?
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A proposed new law in New Jersey would make it illegal to text and walk on public sidewalks and roads. Isn’t this a violation of our American rights to go for Darwin awards?
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“Batman vs. Superman” has gotten horrible reviews, but apparently still has made almost $200 million on its opening weekend. When asked what they thought of the plot, most moviegoers responded “Plot?”
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The Rolling Stones just had a free concert in Havana. Cubans loved it. Watching Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on stage made them think their cars really aren’t that old by comparison.
John Kasich today said that the families of presidential candidates to stay “off-limits.” “You cannot get these attacks on families There’s got to be some rules.”
And Hillary’s spouse is thinking “Sounds good to me.”
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Donald Trump says if elected he would cut down on his use of Twitter “I’m not going to be doing it very much as president. I will act to protect our country, whether that’s counterpunching or not.”
But what about protecting our country’s comedy writers?
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NBC News foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell says Donald Trump is “completely uneducated about any part of the world.”
And many Trump supporters are going- she says that like it’s a bad thing?
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Bernie Sanders is sending emails complaining about how “obscene” it is for Hillary Clinton to attend a charity event with George Clooney with a $353,400 price tag per couple to be at the head table. Fair enough, but a- the price to attend the dinner is “only” $33,400, and b- not like Bernie himself is turning down big $$$ celebrity donations. #allmoneyistainted
Categories: March madness jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Batman jokes, Clinton jokes, Cuba jokes, Easter jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, superman jokes, Syracuse jokes, virginia jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 23, 2016
A new Harris study says that Americans drink more when they are happy and celebrating than when they are stressed and having bad days. Which does not quite explain beer sales over the years at Wrigley Field.
Carmelo Anthony says that Syracuse is going to beat Gonzaga on Friday: “We’re going to win. We’re going to the Elite 8.” Wonder if the 2016 Knicks could make it to the Elite 8.
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Aaron Rodgers says he saw a UFO in New Jersey in 2005. Is he sure it wasn’t one of Eli Manning’s rookie year passes?
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Conrad Dobler, 65, a retired NFL offensive guard, said in an interview talking about his memory loss. “I have six kids, I don’t even know their names.”
Sad, but in the NFL there are young men without CTE who don’t even know how many kids they HAVE.
The JetBlue flight attendant who fled a security checkpoint after being caught trying to smuggle 70lb of cocaine in her carry-on bag has turned herself in. Still trying to wrap my head around that 70 lbs – and I thought my purse was heavy.
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After playing the Cuban national team the Tampa Bay Rays’ plane had mechanical issues and was stuck on the tarmac for hours in Havana. So the U.S. players must have felt right at home.
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Forbes says the New York Yankees are the most valuable team in baseball, now at a $3.4 billion valuation. Imagine what they’d be worth with real playoff revenue again.
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A-Rod told ESPN.com today that “I won’t play after next year.” Later he told the NY Daily News that after his contract ends in 2017, “we’ll see what happens.”
“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.
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Lebron James said on the A&M comeback over UNI: “I would quit basketball. If I was on Northern Iowa, I would quit.”
Hmm, because that loss was almost as embarrassing as getting swept by the Spurs in the the 2007 NBA finals? #stayclassy
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At Stanford Shopping Center in California, an off-duty police officer working security for a business accidentally left his gun in a restroom. Fortunately it was found and turned in by another security guard. Bringing to mind another question – how do you stop a stupid guy with a gun?
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In Wisconsin, a 17-year-old girl who says she didn’t even know she was pregnant gave birth to a baby in her bathroom. Fortunately the child is doing well. Got to love that “abstinence only” education.
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Jeb Bush has endorsed Ted Cruz. And Cruz must be so thrilled to have such a winner on his team.
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Donald Trump is apparently furious at Ted Cruz for using a scantily-clad picture of Melania from her model days in a campaign ad. Hmm, well, if that upsets him so much am sure the Democrats will honor Trump’s wishes and never post any of those pictures in the general election.
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One thing is pretty certain out of this Cruz-Trump fight over pictures of their spouses. Pretty sure even the Donald wouldn’t have the stomach to post pictures of a nearly naked Bill Clinton.
Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are calling for extra surveillance of Muslim-Americans. But if you look at recent terrorist acts – there is another link that is even stronger- almost all the killers were relatively young men. So maybe what we REALLY need to do is start seriously monitoring men between the ages of 18-35.
Categories: airline jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Clinton jokes, Cruz jokes, Cuba jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
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December 28, 2015
Kobe Bryant, asked about going back in time to offer advice to himself as a rookie said “compassion & empathy.” And presumably don’t order room service?
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The Arizona Cardinals look so good this year you have to wonder if Cuba Gooding, Jr. isn’t somehow involved. #Showmethemoney #JerryMaguire
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Atlanta Falcons beat the previously undefeated Carolina Panders give the 72 Miami Dolphins cause to ask their kids or grandkids to open those pesky champagne bottles for them.
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So many bowls this year that are akin to participation trophies with both teams aspiring to mediocrity. By that token the 49ers-Lions match-up should be an honorary bowl game.
Thom Brennaman, announcing SF-Detroit today – ‘”When you make mistakes like we’ve seen the 49ers make in this game, it’s not a surprise that they’ve won four games this year.”
Well, actually you do wonder how they managed to win those four games.
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Houston beat up on Tennessee behind Brandon Weeden. How can you not root for a team led by a QB cut last month by the Dallas Cowboys? (who ended up doing SO well without him)
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Stephen Colbert said today “Donald Trump is like — I’m not the first person to say this, but I completely agree — that he’s my old character with 10 billion dollars.” Except that we could laugh at Colbert without it hurting.
At a Walmart this week, a woman was arrested for allegedly shooting up meth and then riding a motorized shopping car through the store while drinking wine, eating sushi, cinnamon rolls and rotisserie chicken. Do I even have to say “Florida?”
And of course, to be fair, Walmart sushi might be more dangerous than the meth.
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A Louisville mall had to close early last night because of almost 2,000 disorderly teens wreaking havoc in the shopping center. #Ifonlytheywerearmed
A Southwest Airlines flight from Sacramento to Denver tonight was diverted to Oakland Sunday evening after they had “pressurization issues.” So which airline will be the first to add a “pressurization” fee?
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“The Force Awakens” has passed $1 billion at the global box office. And Disney is now researching ways to help Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher live to be at least 100. #Episode27?
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Donald Trump today is accusing Bill Clinton of sexism. And both the pot and kettle are doubled over in hysterics.
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Supposedly Hillary and Bill Clinton joined Chelsea, her husband Marc and baby Charlotte on a walk around mid-town Manhattan today and even stopped in a bookstore. Unbelievable, as if in mid-town Manhattan any bookstore could still exist and afford the rent
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Finally. Seriously. Damn, R.I.P. Dave Henderson, 57. Impossible to dislike, even when he played for a team you hated. Going to be a lot livelier during those softball games in heaven.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 20, 2015
Ben Carson said he doesn’t think a Muslim should ever be President, because the religion isn’t “consistent with the constitution.” Well, actually, Dr. Carson, expecting Americans to follow ANY religion isn’t consistent with the constitution.
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Okay, who had both #Stanford & the #Raiders winning this weekend in football? Now all of you liars put your hands down.
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Right about now #JohnHarbaugh has to be thinking of calling brother #jimharbaugh & asking how to join the college coaching ranks. #BALvsOak
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Marco Rubio on Obama “He’s born in the United States. He’s a Christian. He’s the president of the United States for the next year and a half and we’re going to move on.” Uh oh, if Rubio doesn’t watch out he’s going to lose that all important crazy vote.
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Hillary Clinton is now saying she’s a “real person,” who can “talk about anything and everything – from the Kardashians to wonky climate change policy.”
Were those the best choices. While the overlap between the two groups is small, a lot of Americans don’t believe in at least one of those examples.
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So after beating #NIU by 7, #OhioState strengthens their hold on #1 in #APTop25. Shouldn’t the Huskies thus be at least in top 20?
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An Alabama wide receiver tweeted “For the second straight year, we will be in the college football playoff and Ole Miss won’t. Bama isn’t going anywhere.” Uh, AFTER Ole Miss won. #cantfixstupid #cantdomatheither
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The NY Post reports that New York City custodians took home an average pay of $109,467 in the 2013-14 school year. That’s almost enough to afford a studio apartment in Manhattan.
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Scary that this year it looks like the #NYJets might be the less dysfunctional NFL team in New York? #NYGiants
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Now some conservatives are claiming that Ahmed Mohamed really didn’t build a block and it was all a fraud to get attention, or worse, a “dry run” for a Muslim kid bringing a bomb to school. Sigh.
The boy would have been fine if he had just acted like a real Texan and built a gun
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Chris Christie, a Catholic, today on Pope Francis saying the U.S. and Cuba should restore relations: “I just think the pope is wrong. The fact is that his infallibility is on religious matters, not on political ones.”
Uh, wait, for the GOP aren’t religion and politics supposed to be the same thing?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Carson jokes, Clinton jokes, college football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes
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September 10, 2015
You know, Hillary Clinton might have done a lot better with this whole email server thing if she said she had just done it to see if Bill was trying to sign up for an Ashley Madison account.
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Bobby Jindal has said a lot of dumb things. But his comment today about Trump isn’t one of them #creditwherecreditisdue
“But you know why he hasn’t read the Bible? Because he’s not in it.”
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Former NBC News anchor Brian Williams will be back on the air with MSNBC Sept. 22. Can’t wait to hear about what exciting things Williams has been doing during his six-month suspension.
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Little League is changing their age determination to Aug. 31, from the April 30 date it has been since 2005. (Before that it was Aug 1.) Which means kids must be 12 in August to play in the LLWS.
So wonder how many baseball parents will suddenly change their family planning to aim for July and August rather than March and April babies. #youthinkiamkidding? #nojoke
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Opening NFL night, So let’s see, we had the Patriots QB who started dating his model wife around the time he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant with their child, and the Steelers QB who has twice been accused of rape. Who was a woman to root against?
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The Warriors’ Draymond Green just donated $3.1 million to his alma mater, Michigan State. $3.1 million?!! At some universities that’s enough to cover a whole year’s salary to all the football team.
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Recently released emails show the Bush White House response to 9-11. Including one just after the first plane hit the North Tower. “Turn on CNN …”
So even Bush and company knew not to turn to Fox for real news.
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Memphis today announced a benefit dinner Dec. 28 to honor former men’s basketball coach John Calipari, then hours later announced they would not be recognizing him. Wouldn’t it have been more apt to say the honors would be vacated?
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R.E.M lead singer Michael Stipe, angry that Trump used the band’s “End of the World” song without permission, referred to the Donald as a “sad, attention grabbing, power-hungry little man.” Wow. If Stipe gets tired of music, he might have a real future in political speech writing.
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Fox just bought a majority stake in National Geographic. Is it more shocking that Fox might believe in the magazine. Or that they might believe in science?
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From Sarah Palin’s Wednesday speech, as noted by Rachel Maddow,
So up there in Alaska, across the way Russia. You know there is a name for this taking advantage of America. There is a Russian name for that. And it is called ‘fortushka.’ And that means Obama’s window of opportunity. So as Obama leads from behind the skirt of his right-hand man, Valerie Jarrett, then it’s up to Congress to close that window. He may propose. You dispose, Congress. You gotta be in it to win it because we want peace. With unapologetic mighty red, white, and blue, will have peace.”
Is this what Sarah meant about “speaking American?”
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From T.C. “McDonald’s has announced they will be serving eggs from cage-free chickens in the future. However, the workers in the drive-thru lines still have to remain in their cages except for two 15 minute breaks.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, little league jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
July 21, 2015
The San Antonio Spurs, coached by Becky Hammon, just won the NBA Summer League. So, apparently real men don’t have a problem with sexual orientation in the locker room. #yougogirl
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Ashley Madison, the “dating” site for married people, has apparently been hacked and the hackers are threatening to post information on millions of users on line. Who knows, the U.S. political scene could be about to get a lot crazier.
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With the Ashley Madison hacking story making headlines, I see a new business model for some enterprising person – A company that will create a credible online to make it seem as if your identity was stolen. “Honest, honey, I have no idea how they got my name and credit card, clearly our personal information has been compromised.”
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Anyone who misses watching baseball games at Candlestick Park must have loved watching the final round of the #BritishOpen.
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Curt Schilling tweeted outrage that President Barack Obama failed to issue a proclamation to lower flags around government buildings to half-staff for the Chattanooga victims despite doing so for pop singer Whitney Houston.
Except that Obama didn’t do that. The only government official who ordered flags lowered for the pop star was NJ Gov. Chris Christie.
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A gay British man who voluntarily donates sperm says he has fathered 10 children with nine different women in just the last year. So the guy is either really altruistic, or he has delusions of being an NBA player.
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The Denver Nuggets have traded Ty Lawson to the Houston Rockets. Hoping it works out, but is it really a great idea to send a guy with 2 DUI’s in a year to a place with Texas’s very relaxed gun laws?
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A profile of Karen Hinton, who is New York Mayor DeBlasio’s press secretary, brings up a story from a 1999 book of how in 1984, when she was 24, then Arkansas governor Bill Clinton gave her a napkin with his room number on it. Shocking. Wouldn’t it be more of a story if Clinton in those days was talking to a pretty young blond woman and didn’t give her his room number?
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ACC commissioner John Swofford says the conference is “not trying to be Big Brother” in dealing with off-field issues like those at Florida State.
“Our approach $o far, and I don’t really $ee this changing, is that we have a lot of confidence in our in$titution$ to handle those $ituation$ when they occur.”
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In Iowa, a former lottery security official was found guilty of rigging a game so he could win a $14 million jackpot, and then trying to get someone to cash the prize for him. Hmm, anyone but me worried less about him than about the ones who aren’t stupid enough to get caught?
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Palo Alto, California, has been sweltering with temperatures in the mid 80s and 61% humidity. Thereby bringing ZERO sympathy from anyone in the Midwest, South and East.
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Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, probably THE reigning royal couple of country music, are getting divorced. No word who gets custody of the material for song lyrics.
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Between Blake and Miranda though, Taylor Swift might have some competition for “Best breakup song of the year.”
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Just in 2014, the NFL gave each teams each $226.4 million as part of national revenue sharing. But all the the league could afford was a $765 million settlement over concussion-related brain injuries for all its 18,000 retired players. I wish this were a joke.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #AshleyMadison, Ashley madison jokes, becky hammon, Blake Shelton jokes, Clinton jokes, country music jokes, Florida State jokes, Janice Hough, Miranda Lambert jokes, NBA jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 12, 2015
There is a rumor that McDonald’s “Minions” toys, instead of spouting gibberish, actually speak in profanities. Is this a shameless ploy to sell more Happy Meals to pre-teens?
Once again it’s time for the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, which brings people from around the world to Spain. You know, for a lot less money these folks could stay home and play in traffic?
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Tiger Woods, back at St Andrews for the first time in years said “It’s totally changed.” “Thinking the same about you” responded the Old Course.
Mark Cuban, after DeAndre Jordan apologized on Twitter for backing out of a verbal agreement to join the Mavericks “When is an apology not an apology? When you didn’t write it yourself. Next.”
Thinking one of the most anticipated NBA games of the year may be when the Clippers come to Dallas.
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A new GOP presidential poll shows Donald Trump and Jeb Bush tied at the top with about 15% each. If this keeps up, Trump’s campaign will attract some serious donations. From Hillary Clinton.
Donald Trump at a speech in Phoenix today- “Don’t worry, we’ll take our country back.” Back to what, the 19th century?
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Three things that should never be seen at #ATTPark: The DH, Dodger Blue, and the wave #SFGiants
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Seeing the #Phillies on your upcoming MLB schedule is like seeing the #Astros used to be. #goodtimes #SFGiants
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Joel Embiid, the 76ers top pick and #3 overall in the 2014 draft, sat out last season with a foot injury. Now he needs another surgery and will probably miss next season as well. Guess it’s not too early for Philadephia to start scouting 2016 draft picks.
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Goldstar has the Raiders-Cardinals preseason NFL game on August 30 for $12.50 in Oakland. Hmm, are they offering to charge us or to pay us?
From Marc Ragovin “Jason Pierre-Paul on his fireworks fiasco and its aftermath: “There’s no need to point fingers.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, Phillies jokes, Running of the bulls jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 17, 2015
As Jeb Bush fumbles his way around the Iraq question, have to wonder if Jimmy Carter is quietly thinking “And they said MY brother was an embarrassing liability.”
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Russian President Vladimir Putin apparently scored 8 goals while playing in an exhibition hockey game with former NHL players. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un reported scoring 16 goals in a game after using an anti-aircraft gun on the goalie.
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#FAOSchwarz‘s flagship store in New York is closing. For many of us, especially #TomHanks fans, that’s a #Big loss.
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American Pharoah has a misspelled name. These days does that make him truly America’s horse?
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Walt Disney World is opening an Indiana Jones Themed bar and restaurant. Not sure all the entrees, but will one of them have to be snake?
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It’s May 17. Which means we are only a month and two days away from a potential game 7 in the NBA finals No joke. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonistoolong
Happiest people besides Houston Rockets fans after the Los Angeles Clippers’ collapse in game six? Advertisers for the fourth quarter of game seven. Regardless of the score, NO ONE is going to turn the game off early.
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When asked if their hockey team could win the Stanley Cup most New Yorkers answer “Yes.” Most Floridians answer “We have a hockey team?”
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Full credit to whoever was in charge of music at Great American Ballpark last night. While the smokestack burned they played “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
Meanwhile , so all that the #SFGiants were missing to turn into an offensive juggernaut was for someone to set a fire in the outfield?
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-A US raid has killed a major ISIS commander. Finally something the GOP won’t blame on Obama.
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Elizabeth Warren at the Anaheim Convention Center with one of the best summation of the 2016 GOP Presidential candidates: Some of them took too many rides on the tea cups across the street.
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Anti-vaccine protestors outside the California Democratic convention have a number of signs. Including one that says the Republicans are against mandatory childhood vaccinations. And a number of Democratic candidates are thinking “Can we borrow that sign?”
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The Clintons have apparently made $30 million in the last 16 months. “Slackers,” sniffed Mitt Romney.
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Some Republicans are blasting Bill and Hillary Clinton for making $30 million mostly off speeches. At least they think Chelsea will make her money the American way – by inheriting it.
From Bill Littlejohn: ” At a Connecticut golf course, a man in one group ahead brandished a gun on a second group behind who complained that they were moving too slow and demanded to play through. This gives new meaning to ‘approach shot’.”
(wonder if he was on vacation from Florida)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: American Pharoah jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, SFGiants jokes, Triple Crown jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 