Posted tagged ‘virginia jokes’

Three and done?

November 7, 2017

3 UCLA basketball players including LiAngelo Ball arrested in China for shoplifting. For change Lavar isn’t the embarrassing one in family?

Damn, #RoyHalladay. Remember that 2010 NLCS against Giants. And his no-hitter before that. Helluva pitcher. And apparently a really nice guy.

Spurs beat Clippers –  If they could only pick up a player like Tony Parker or Kawhi Leonard they might be a pretty good basketball team.

Colts owner Jim Irsay on Andrew Luck’s injury “You know, it’s inside his head now.'” Can’t imagine how NFL owners get reputation as deplorables.

A flight headed to Bali was forced to land after a woman looked at her husband’s cellphone, discovered he was cheating, and started trying to beat him up. Did she also call him a “motherf*cking snake on a motherf*cking plane?”

#Packers may be done for the season. But if we ever needed proof that Aaron Rodgers was a possible MVP…

 

Florida woman allegedly struck nightclub bouncer w/ a 12-pack of cans of  Pabst Blue Ribbon. Good thing for him she didn’t drink more expensive bottled beer.

Texas shooter attacked wife & child w/ his bare hands, didn’t kill them, attacked a dog w/ bare hands,, didn’t kill it. But w/ an AR-15…

Trump says “extreme vetting” for guns would have made “no difference 3 days ago.” Except for those 26 people who would now be alive. #WTF?

Syria has now decided to sign Paris climate change agreement, leaving US as only country out. Make America Isolated Again.

It’s only been a year since 2016, but as Democrat feels like it’s been long time since we’ve had good election night.

Trump attempted to go to Korean DMZ but had to turn back because of weather. So maybe even God doesn’t want him anywhere near North Korea.

 

 

Fox News calls Northam’s 8+pt win in Virginia by almost 250,000 votes a “tight race.” But Hillary Clinton losing 3 states & electoral college by less than 100,000 votes total was a blowout.

Mean bitch karma chugging her wine on this one: Transgender Danica Roem candidate just defeated incumbent Virginia lawmaker who sponsored an anti-transgender bathroom bill.

Trump, on Gillespie loss in Virginia, he “did not embrace me or what I stand for.” So if Ed really had, might he have lost by 20 pts?

Phil Murphy will be new New Jersey governor. Hoping Chris Christie doesn’t burn any bridges on his way out.

 

California has 14 GOP congresspersons. Would @realDonaldTrump like to endorse any of them? Please?

Don’t understand litmus tests for 100% agreement on issues some Dems demand of candidates. Most of us don’t agree 100% with friends & spouses

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From the sublime to the ridiculous?

March 28, 2016

The ‪#‎Lakers‬ lost tonight to the ‪#‎Jazz‬ 123-75. So real question of the night – how did ‪#‎LA‬ ever beat the ‪#‎Warriors‬?

 

#‎Texas‬ women’s basketball team lost to ‪#‎UConn‬ “only” 86-65. So maybe a moral victory? Kind of like the Alamo? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

You think just MAYBE Roy Williams has his ‪#‎UNC‬ Tarheels doing drills on how to beat the press? ‪#‎FinalFour‬ ‪#‎Syracuse‬

#‎Virginia‬ lost 15 point lead to Syracuse yesterday in under 4 min. Cavaliers hadn’t suddenly looked that bad since 2007  when ‪#‎Cleveland‬ was swept by  the ‪#‎Spurs‬

Dirk Nowitzki, 37, told ESPN that he’s thought about playing beyond his contract that ends with Dallas in 2017. Well, by then Dirk might almost be old enough to sign with the Spurs.

 

Colts owner Jim Irsay is now saying of football “”I believe this: That the game has always been a risk, you know…. You take an aspirin and I take an aspirin. It might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body . . . may reject it, where I would be fine.”
Hmm, looks like not only can you get CTE from playing football, you can get it from owning a team.

A new biography says that Kris Jenner helped her daughter Kim Kardashian leak her sex tape. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

All of these “urgent” fundraising emails saying “we’re almost at our goal.” Just once I would like to get an email saying “Thanks, we made our goal and we don’t need any money.” ‪#‎wecandream‬

 

 

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, vetoed a “religious freedom” bill that had many businesses, movie studios and even the NFL up in arms over it being discriminatory against LGBTs.  He said the bill was “unnecessary,” and “allowed outsiders to cast doubt on the character of Georgia and Georgians.”
And guessing Deal had billion$ of other rea$on$.

Donald Trump, when asked on a Wisconsin radio about disparaging women “But certainly I never thought I would run for office.”
Right, so he gets a clean slate? But did he forgot about that 2000 campaign?

U.S. shooting suspect Larry Dawson apparently disrupted a Congressional hearing last fall, saying he was a “prophet of God.” And so he has been different from Ted Cruz how?

Another of those stories you can’t make up. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley denies an affair, despite recently released recordings where he talks about kissing his advisor and about her breasts. Well, Bentley’s a BIble-thumper kind of guy -so maybe he was reading her the Song of Solomon?

Anthony Weiner said to Huffington Post “I’m probably the best campaign politician you’ll ever interview. I mean, I’m like perfectly evolved. I’m like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator…”
Hmm, does that mean there’s a kid with one of his housekeepers somewhere?

From T.C. “A North Carolina man was arrested for failing to return a VHS rental tape from 14 years ago to a now defunct video store. The outstanding fine is $200. On top of that, there’s a 50 cent fee if he didn’t rewind it.”

Easter turkeys?

March 27, 2016

Wonder how many sports fans decided to turn off the Syracuse Virginia game late in favor of sitting down to Easter dinner with their families ‪#‎neveragain‬

This might have been the most abject & complete surrender with ‪#‎VIrginia‬ not at the Appomattox Court House. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ ‪#‎Syracuse‬

 

Silver lining for today’s Syracuse-Virginia game: Alums of Northern Iowa no longer have to be known for the biggest late choke job in the 2016 ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ tournament.

 

So who is happier after Syracuse’s amazing comeback today against Virginia. Stunned Syracuse alums? Or North Carolina fans who suddenly see their way a bit clearer to the finals? ‪#‎iftheydontfreakoutoverapress‬

#‎Virginia‬ got outscored 28-8 in the last 9 minutes of game. With shooting like that they’ll be getting a post-game call from Dick Cheney?

Stanford women lost today in the Elite Eight of the NCAA women’s basketball tournament. But this would all be more interesting if the end goal wasn’t simply to get into the finals and be destroyed by UConn. ‪#‎dominance‬

#‎Microsoft‬ is rumored to be thinking of buying ‪#‎Yahoo‬. The computer industry version of two wrongs trying to make a right?

A proposed new law in New Jersey would make it illegal to text and walk on public sidewalks and roads. Isn’t this a violation of our American rights to go for Darwin awards?

“Batman vs. Superman” has gotten horrible reviews, but apparently still has made almost $200 million on its opening weekend. When asked what they thought of the plot, most moviegoers responded “Plot?”

The Rolling Stones just had a free concert in Havana. Cubans loved it. Watching Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on stage made them think their cars really aren’t that old by comparison.

 

John Kasich today said that the families of presidential candidates to stay “off-limits.” “You cannot get these attacks on families There’s got to be some rules.”
And Hillary’s spouse is thinking “Sounds good to me.”

Donald Trump says if elected he would cut down on his use of Twitter “I’m not going to be doing it very much as president. I will act to protect our country, whether that’s counterpunching or not.”
But what about protecting our country’s comedy writers?

NBC News foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell says Donald Trump is “completely uneducated about any part of the world.”
And many Trump supporters are going- she says that like it’s a bad thing?

Bernie Sanders is sending emails complaining about how “obscene” it is for Hillary Clinton to attend a charity event with George Clooney with a $353,400 price tag per couple to be at the head table. Fair enough, but a- the price to attend the dinner is “only” $33,400, and b- not like Bernie himself is turning down big $$$ celebrity donations. ‪#‎allmoneyistainted‬