Posted tagged ‘Syracuse jokes’

And then there were 68

March 12, 2017

Trump University not selected to NCAA men’s tournament. Congressional investigation needed. Clearly Obama’s fault. #selectionsunday

 

How lazy is USA getting? @ESPN now offers opportunity to pick “smart bracket” & have it autofilled in their bracket challenge #IblameTrump

Syracuse whining big time about being left out of tournament. Not much Orange could’ve done, but maybe beating Boston College & St Johns?

Nerd alert! Northwestern vs Vanderbilt in 1st round. Instead of trash talking expect compost talking.  Or at least slurs about recycling.

 

 

Notre Dame vs Princeton in a 1st round NCAA tournament. Hope Buffalo airport has room for all the private planes

 

Another bitter disappointment for Los Angeles Lakers    Team thought they had performed well enough this year for at least a six seed.

Trump doesn’t follow college basketball, so not doing #marchmadness brackets. Makes no sense, knowing nothing hasn’t stopped him before

Turning on World Baseball Classic casually and hearing “grounder to short, a chance for Crawford.” All’s briefly right with the world. #SFGiants.

Best thing about #selectionsunday Realizing that when the tournament is over it will be @MLB opening day!

And who had Israel 4-0 in the #WBC first round? Now all you liars put your hands down.

Expecting any moment now for @realDonaldTrump to tweet that Obama stole that hour last night. #daylightsavings

Last night @nbcsnl mocked Ivanka Trump w/ a perfume called “Complicit.” Donald Trump can’t decide whether to complain or have her sell it.

 

Paul Ryan “Are we providing a system where people have access to health insurance if they choose to do so? And the answer is yes.”
Right, like everyone has access to a Tesla, a boat and a four-bedroom house with a pool if they choose to….It’s all about individual freedom. #SMH

Tom Price says of Trumpcare “nobody will be worse off financially in the process that we’re going through, understanding that they’ll have choices that they can select the kind of coverage that they want for themselves and for their family.”
Right, like people can select their dream car or house. But if they can’t afford it then they are better off because they still have their money…    In this case, until they get sick.

 

 

Kellyanne Conway talking about microwaves that turn into cameras. Ooh, can we reverse this? Would be great to heat up lunch on the go.

Joe Biden “The only bipartisan thing left in America is the fight against cancer.”
Well, he’s partly right. GOP believes that both Democrats & Republicans with money deserve to survive the disease.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the sublime to the ridiculous?

March 28, 2016

The ‪#‎Lakers‬ lost tonight to the ‪#‎Jazz‬ 123-75. So real question of the night – how did ‪#‎LA‬ ever beat the ‪#‎Warriors‬?

 

#‎Texas‬ women’s basketball team lost to ‪#‎UConn‬ “only” 86-65. So maybe a moral victory? Kind of like the Alamo? ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

You think just MAYBE Roy Williams has his ‪#‎UNC‬ Tarheels doing drills on how to beat the press? ‪#‎FinalFour‬ ‪#‎Syracuse‬

#‎Virginia‬ lost 15 point lead to Syracuse yesterday in under 4 min. Cavaliers hadn’t suddenly looked that bad since 2007  when ‪#‎Cleveland‬ was swept by  the ‪#‎Spurs‬

Dirk Nowitzki, 37, told ESPN that he’s thought about playing beyond his contract that ends with Dallas in 2017. Well, by then Dirk might almost be old enough to sign with the Spurs.

 

Colts owner Jim Irsay is now saying of football “”I believe this: That the game has always been a risk, you know…. You take an aspirin and I take an aspirin. It might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body . . . may reject it, where I would be fine.”
Hmm, looks like not only can you get CTE from playing football, you can get it from owning a team.

A new biography says that Kris Jenner helped her daughter Kim Kardashian leak her sex tape. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

All of these “urgent” fundraising emails saying “we’re almost at our goal.” Just once I would like to get an email saying “Thanks, we made our goal and we don’t need any money.” ‪#‎wecandream‬

 

 

Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, vetoed a “religious freedom” bill that had many businesses, movie studios and even the NFL up in arms over it being discriminatory against LGBTs.  He said the bill was “unnecessary,” and “allowed outsiders to cast doubt on the character of Georgia and Georgians.”
And guessing Deal had billion$ of other rea$on$.

Donald Trump, when asked on a Wisconsin radio about disparaging women “But certainly I never thought I would run for office.”
Right, so he gets a clean slate? But did he forgot about that 2000 campaign?

U.S. shooting suspect Larry Dawson apparently disrupted a Congressional hearing last fall, saying he was a “prophet of God.” And so he has been different from Ted Cruz how?

Another of those stories you can’t make up. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley denies an affair, despite recently released recordings where he talks about kissing his advisor and about her breasts. Well, Bentley’s a BIble-thumper kind of guy -so maybe he was reading her the Song of Solomon?

Anthony Weiner said to Huffington Post “I’m probably the best campaign politician you’ll ever interview. I mean, I’m like perfectly evolved. I’m like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator…”
Hmm, does that mean there’s a kid with one of his housekeepers somewhere?

From T.C. “A North Carolina man was arrested for failing to return a VHS rental tape from 14 years ago to a now defunct video store. The outstanding fine is $200. On top of that, there’s a 50 cent fee if he didn’t rewind it.”

Easter turkeys?

March 27, 2016

Wonder how many sports fans decided to turn off the Syracuse Virginia game late in favor of sitting down to Easter dinner with their families ‪#‎neveragain‬

This might have been the most abject & complete surrender with ‪#‎VIrginia‬ not at the Appomattox Court House. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ ‪#‎Syracuse‬

 

Silver lining for today’s Syracuse-Virginia game: Alums of Northern Iowa no longer have to be known for the biggest late choke job in the 2016 ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ tournament.

 

So who is happier after Syracuse’s amazing comeback today against Virginia. Stunned Syracuse alums? Or North Carolina fans who suddenly see their way a bit clearer to the finals? ‪#‎iftheydontfreakoutoverapress‬

#‎Virginia‬ got outscored 28-8 in the last 9 minutes of game. With shooting like that they’ll be getting a post-game call from Dick Cheney?

Stanford women lost today in the Elite Eight of the NCAA women’s basketball tournament. But this would all be more interesting if the end goal wasn’t simply to get into the finals and be destroyed by UConn. ‪#‎dominance‬

#‎Microsoft‬ is rumored to be thinking of buying ‪#‎Yahoo‬. The computer industry version of two wrongs trying to make a right?

A proposed new law in New Jersey would make it illegal to text and walk on public sidewalks and roads. Isn’t this a violation of our American rights to go for Darwin awards?

“Batman vs. Superman” has gotten horrible reviews, but apparently still has made almost $200 million on its opening weekend. When asked what they thought of the plot, most moviegoers responded “Plot?”

The Rolling Stones just had a free concert in Havana. Cubans loved it. Watching Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on stage made them think their cars really aren’t that old by comparison.

 

John Kasich today said that the families of presidential candidates to stay “off-limits.” “You cannot get these attacks on families There’s got to be some rules.”
And Hillary’s spouse is thinking “Sounds good to me.”

Donald Trump says if elected he would cut down on his use of Twitter “I’m not going to be doing it very much as president. I will act to protect our country, whether that’s counterpunching or not.”
But what about protecting our country’s comedy writers?

NBC News foreign affairs correspondent Andrea Mitchell says Donald Trump is “completely uneducated about any part of the world.”
And many Trump supporters are going- she says that like it’s a bad thing?

Bernie Sanders is sending emails complaining about how “obscene” it is for Hillary Clinton to attend a charity event with George Clooney with a $353,400 price tag per couple to be at the head table. Fair enough, but a- the price to attend the dinner is “only” $33,400, and b- not like Bernie himself is turning down big $$$ celebrity donations. ‪#‎allmoneyistainted‬

The boys of fall, winter, spring and summer?

March 6, 2015

To eliminate some of the back-to-back games and insane road trips, the NBA is thinking of lengthening the season into July. Great, so this means the playoffs would finish the week before the start of pre-season?

In England, an 11-yr-old boy was sent home from “World Book Day,” where his choice of costume was Christian Grey (fully clothed in a suit) from “Fifty Shades.” The school had no problem with Voldemorts, Darth Vaders, and even a teacher dressed up at Dexter the serial killer. ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎facepalmBritishdivision‬

Susan Sarandon, 68, and her 37 year old boyfriend have apparently split up. Here’s hoping she left him for a younger guy.

Friday in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial, the prosecution told jurors that a marijuana cigarette butt containing Hernandez’s DNA was found near the victim’s body. At this point even O.J. is throwing up his hands and saying there’s no need to look for the real killers.

Two TSA screeners at SFO have been charged with taking bribes to allow methamphetamine to be smuggled in carry-on luggage. According to the SF Chronicle, authorities said the operation was planned “in part through messages on Facebook.”

Well, leaving aside how warm and secure that makes us all feel, what tipped police off? Was FB sending them ads for “Breaking Bad” DVDs or something?

A man was arrested after he called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine. No, and it wasn’t Florida. Ohio wins this round. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Got to love it. Not only does the elderly woman totter down to her exit row middle seat on United, and then totter off the plane, she has a wheelchair waiting. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ airline winner for the month.

(and no, the woman who got the extra legroom, the airline that let her do it.)

One runway is still closed at LaGuardia after that Delta plane crashed into a snowbank. So will passengers who want on-time flights be asked to chip in for a “priority runway” fee?

All these headlines saying Hunter Pence broke his arm. Actually technically a Cubs pitcher broke Pence’s arm. With a fastball. ‪#‎grammarpolice‬

So the NCAA has suspended Jim Boeheim for 9 games next season and will take away scholarships after finding “over the course of a decade, Syracuse University did not control and monitor its athletics programs, and its head men’s basketball coach failed to monitor his program.” And in Kentucky, John Calipari is just giggling.

Rory McIlroy, unhappy with a shot into the water today at Doral, hurled the club in after the ball. Bad news, he’ll probably be fined. Good news, the throw was good enough the Marlins might offer him a pitching tryout.

So the Dow fell 279 points Friday because the jobs report was 295,000 which was better than expected, and unemployment tell to 5.5% which was lower than expected. The GOP is trying to figure out how to blame Obama for the former, without giving him credit for the latter.

 

From Marc Ragovin:  “A 50-year old Oregon man claims that he is Wilt Chamberlain’s son. Vegas bookmakers have set the odds on this being legit at 20,000 to 1.”

Dropping the balls

March 14, 2012

Syracuse star freshman Fab Melo has been ruled ineligible for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Gentlemen, start erasing your brackets.

Iona blew a 25 point lead tonight in losing to BYU. Did they get their playbook from Mitt Romney?


Barack Obama took U.K. Prime Minister to a play-in NCAA men’s basketball game tonight. Which Cameron said he enjoyed, although he originally thought “March Madness” referred to the Republican primaries.

The Pac 12 has announced their next three conference tournaments will be in Las Vegas. Perfect. This way all those who bet on the NIT will have a chance to see their potential favorites up close and personal.

Mitt Romney, in Southerner mode, talked about “Davy Crockett, who killed himself a bear, when he was only three.” Uh, Mitt, if you’re going to quote the song in the South it’s “kilt him a bar, when he was only three.”

UCLA announced Tuesday that Ben Howland will remain on the job as men’s basketball coach. Translation, we’re already on the hook for paying him and who else would take over this mess?

Anyone else think that “the Bachelor” Ben’s proposal to Courtney will turn out to be as lasting relevant long term as a vote for Rick Perry in the GOP primaries?

A Delta jet was undergoing maintenance tests in Atlanta today when it rolled off a runway and down an embankment. Sounds like the tests went about as well as SATs go for SEC football players.

(actually the interesting question, apparently it was brake failure – but did the brakes fail, or did they fail to set the brakes.)

Hyatt Hotels says that they will start installing new TV’s with internet capability in guest rooms, so guests can log into Facebook or email, or stream Netflix movies on their in-room screens. Great, this will mean one more thing in a hotel room besides the alarm clock I can’t figure out.

A new bill in the California State Assembly proposes to ban violent fans from professional sporting events, although not from college and minor league games. Leaving aside the “how do they enforce it? question, have to wonder, why leave out a really scary group – some parents of Little Leaguers.

Something airline passengers may not have heard before, the pilot asking “Is anyone allergic to penguins?” Two penguins flew on Delta today, in first class, from Atlanta to New York to attend the premiere of Discovery Channel’s “Frozen Planet.” No doubt they were better behaved than many children, and some adults.

Rick Santorum is now accusing Fox News of “shilling” for Mitt Romney, and saying they don’t want him on their shows. Well, let’s see, MSNBC probably isn’t an option…but Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would love to have him.

President Obama’s women’s bracket has Baylor, St. John’s, Connecticut and Notre Dame in the Final Four. He must not be fundraising anytime soon in Northern California.

The Dow closed up over 200 points, to 13,177.68 today. This is bad continued unemployment news – for Mitt Romney.

From T.C. Paraphrasing Canadian Golfer Dan Halldorson about the NIT Tournament. Winning this would be similar to getting a trophy for “Tallest Midget”.

Happy Cyber Monday.

November 28, 2011

Today, November 28 is this year’s Cyber Monday. The day American women prove they can be as unproductive at work as men are during the first rounds of March Madness.

Barnes and Noble’s ad “Cyber Monday is here, plan your lunch break accordingly.” Wonder if their ad agency was able to write that with a straight face.

On a brighter note, many Americans will at least find their friends are too busy to send them “copy this as your status,” messages, or Farmville requests.


Another week, another loss for the Colts. Andrew Luck next year is looking at playing for another team that isn’t quite good enough to make it to the BCS title game. (Or heck, maybe even a BCS bowl.)

Okay, kind of hope I’m wrong because I’d rather believe the best of people. But who wants to join me in a prediction that Jim Boeheim follows Joe Paterno into at least temporary unemployment?

Up in Canada, the B.C. (British Columbia) Lions won the Grey Cup (the CFL equivalent of the Super Bowl), after starting the season with not only low expectations, but also a 0-5 record. So in other words, the Lions turned out to be the anti-Miami Heat.

But really, 0-5? And the Lions made this great comeback apparently without divine intervention or even his chosen messenger Tim Tebow.

The half-time entertainment for the Grey Cup? -Nickleback.

So Canada may not have serious big time football. But at least for their championship game they have halftime entertainment that music fans under 30 actually listen to.

In OT, Chargers 13, Broncos 16. Ever get the idea that God sent Tim Tebow just to “mess” with the heads of NFL experts?

Never been a fan of athletes who spend a lot of time thanking God. On the other hand, Tebow isn’t raping women, getting in bar fights, or being arrested for some combination of alcohol, drugs and guns. And he makes “experts” look stupid. Starting to seriously root for the guy.


Bill Clinton referred to Newt Gingrich as “articulate.” Several other GOP candidates couldn’t decide if that was a compliment or insult until they googled “articulate.”

The N.H. Union Leader endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. Which puts Newt in position to follow their last endorsements. Presidents Pete DuPont (1988), Pat Buchanan (1992 and 1996), Steve Forbes (2000), and John McCain (2008).

As the child molestation allegations mount, Syracuse University on Sunday fired associate basketball coach Bernie Fine. Just one question – what took them so long?

In the “bus to hell” department, assume no late night comic will dare make “I feel Fine,” jokes…


And on a serious note, the worst thing to my mind about the Jerry Sandusky-Bernie Fine stories: Wondering how many others of these perverts are in high school and college programs who haven’t been caught (or turned in) yet.