Posted tagged ‘selection sunday jokes’

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And then there were 68

March 12, 2017

Trump University not selected to NCAA men’s tournament. Congressional investigation needed. Clearly Obama’s fault. #selectionsunday

 

How lazy is USA getting? @ESPN now offers opportunity to pick “smart bracket” & have it autofilled in their bracket challenge #IblameTrump

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Syracuse whining big time about being left out of tournament. Not much Orange could’ve done, but maybe beating Boston College & St Johns?

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Nerd alert! Northwestern vs Vanderbilt in 1st round. Instead of trash talking expect compost talking.  Or at least slurs about recycling.

 

 

Notre Dame vs Princeton in a 1st round NCAA tournament. Hope Buffalo airport has room for all the private planes

 

Another bitter disappointment for Los Angeles Lakers    Team thought they had performed well enough this year for at least a six seed.

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Trump doesn’t follow college basketball, so not doing #marchmadness brackets. Makes no sense, knowing nothing hasn’t stopped him before

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Turning on World Baseball Classic casually and hearing “grounder to short, a chance for Crawford.” All’s briefly right with the world. #SFGiants.

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Best thing about #selectionsunday Realizing that when the tournament is over it will be @MLB opening day!

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And who had Israel 4-0 in the #WBC first round? Now all you liars put your hands down.

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Expecting any moment now for @realDonaldTrump to tweet that Obama stole that hour last night. #daylightsavings

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Last night @nbcsnl mocked Ivanka Trump w/ a perfume called “Complicit.” Donald Trump can’t decide whether to complain or have her sell it.

 

Paul Ryan “Are we providing a system where people have access to health insurance if they choose to do so? And the answer is yes.”
Right, like everyone has access to a Tesla, a boat and a four-bedroom house with a pool if they choose to….It’s all about individual freedom. #SMH

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Tom Price says of Trumpcare “nobody will be worse off financially in the process that we’re going through, understanding that they’ll have choices that they can select the kind of coverage that they want for themselves and for their family.”
Right, like people can select their dream car or house. But if they can’t afford it then they are better off because they still have their money…    In this case, until they get sick.

 

 

Kellyanne Conway talking about microwaves that turn into cameras. Ooh, can we reverse this? Would be great to heat up lunch on the go.

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Joe Biden “The only bipartisan thing left in America is the fight against cancer.”
Well, he’s partly right. GOP believes that both Democrats & Republicans with money deserve to survive the disease.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: basketball jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
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Throwing darts?

March 15, 2015

Amazing how many people who will wait until April 14, or file for extensions. with their taxes because they don’t have time, will spend most of this evening on their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ brackets.

 

 

It’s late night on Selection Sunday and most Americans are hard at working trying to predict who’s going to end up in the finals losing to Kentucky.

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As if we didn’t need more proof that sports is a young and fit person’s game, Georgia State won the Sun Belt championship today, which got them into the NCAA tournament. And coach Ron Hunter, while celebrating the win on the court, tore his ACL. (Somebody at the SF Giants guard Jeremy Affeldt if one of his underdog bracket teams wins.)

 

There were lots of disappointed bubble teams today on March Madness Selection Sunday. But based on their record, it should have been at least a ten seed for the NY Knicks

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Almost as much of a tradition as the ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ selection, is the bitching from teams who think they were one of the “first four out.” Right. Because they were denied a chance to get destroyed in the first round.

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While much of the country is concerned about their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ seeding, here in the SF Bay Area fans of local teams were wondering if Stanford and Cal had a chance to meet in the ‪#‎NIT‬ finals.

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(Alas, Cal ended up on the wrong side of the NIT bubble, and turned down a CBI bid. )

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The ‪#‎NIT‬ selection committee has a sick sense of humor. #Stanford‬, the #2 seed, opens against ‪#‎UCDavis‬.

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Blake Griffin is back after missing most of the last month with a right elbow injury. Although presumably the Clippers center will be careful now and only flop on his left side.

 

 

Al Rosen had a third of a page obituary in today’s NY Times. About half dedicated to his time with the Indians, most of the rest to his time as President of the Yankees, and two short lines total to his time as GM of the Astros and SF Giants. ‪#‎whateastcoastbias‬?

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So now it comes out that Jeb Bush used personal email to discuss security and Middle East military issues while governor of Florida. And no doubt back and forth allegations will continue. At least we can all be grateful that neither JFK or Bill Clinton had the ability to email, nor worse, text, while in office….

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Designers Dolce & Gabbana, said in an interview that they were against gay adoptions, but also “‘No chemical offsprings and rented uterus… And Dolce added “it must be an act of love… I call children of chemistry, synthetic children.”

Elton John has angrily called for a boycott of the brand. But leaving gay parenting out, guess D & G are so ignorant they don’t realize that the same heterosexual couples who can afford to buy their stuff are the same couples who can afford IVF and other high-priced fertility treatments. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, designer division.

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Okay, I’ve got it, we can’t have a vote on attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch because Mitch McConnell won’t allow it. Until and unless the Senate passes a human trafficking bill, where the GOP has inserted anti-abortion language that Democrats act like they finally just read….And we wonder why Americans are turned off by politics.

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Brackets, brackets, who’s got brackets?

March 16, 2014

Selection Sunday for March Madness. That glorious time of year when your heart can be broken by a team you didn’t know existed a few days ago.

 

St Patrick’s Day is Monday.. So wonder how many Americans will end up blaming their bracket mistakes on too much green beer?

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Selection Sunday! Where beyond the #1 seeds, the biggest drama is which bubble teams will complain bitterly that they just missed a #16 seed...

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There was a televised NIT selection show Sunday night. And if you knew that, you are probably just a bit over obsessed with brackets.

And if you watched the show and aren’t related to someone connected to an NIT team, you are probably more than a bit over obsessed.. (No, I didn’t watch, but saw it while flipping Direct TV channels on a plane.)

And if you are upset that your favorite team fell just short of the NIT tournament… well….

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Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Sr. is reportedly near death. “What a shame” said absolutely positively nobody.

 

 

President Obama says the U.S. will not recognize the Crimean election. Will Putin counter that Russia allowed election observers sent by Kim Jong-Un?

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John McCain today – “Russia is a gas station masquerading as a country.” Guessing this eliminates all chance of the Senator being seated next to Vladimir Putin at a future White House state dinner.

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United announcement on plane today:  ,”If San Francisco is not your final destination please come forward so we can get you on the correct plane.” No takers but uh, shouldn’t your boarding pass readers have caught that?

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A new Republican CNN poll shows the leader for the 2016 Presidential nomination is… Rand Paul?!. Which means somewhere Hillary Clinton might be starting her St. Patrick’s Day toasting early!

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In Palm Coast, Florida, an man drinking at a resort bar left and returned later in the evening dressed as Rambo, carrying an assault rifle and two hunting knifes. Two other bar patrons were able to subdue him and grab the gun, sustaining only minor knife injuries in the process. And the Rambo wanna-be is in custody. Your move, Arizona.

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Reality television star Kristin Cavallari says she will not get her son vaccinated because she’s “read too many books.” Shocking. Kristin reads books?

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