Posted tagged ‘NIT jokes’

Fight on!

April 1, 2015

USC AD Pat Haden tweeted today he will skip the College Football Playoff meeting this week in Indianapolis. “I am the proud father of a gay son In his honor, I will not be attending the FP committee meeting in Indy this week.” Impressive work by Indiana, who knew you could give USC the moral high ground?

After supporting the new “religious freedom” law strongly, Indiana Governor Mike Pence today said “we’ll fix this and we’ll move forward.” Translation, “we had no idea that even old boys’ clubs NCAA and NFL would be against it. and we’ve $uddenly got million$ of rea$on$ to rethink thi$.”


New “Daily Show” host Trevor Noah is taking heat for tweets from a few years back that were misogynistic and/or racist. This should be interesting, Noah may turn off some regular viewers, but he might be the first person on the show to be defended on FOX News.



We’ll see how it plays out with Trevor Noah’s offensive tweets. But was anyone but me just a bit annoyed that the Daily Show had to go all the way to South Africa to find someone to replace Jon Stewart, rather than hiring a woman?

Coach K and his former player-assistant coach both have chances to hoist banners this year. ‪#‎Stanford‬ ‪#‎Duke‬ ‪#‎NITTournament‬ ‪#‎NCAATournament‬

The average salary this year in Major League Baseball will top $4.25 million. You know what that means. Beer prices are going up.

Phil Jackson, trying to reassure Knicks season tickets holders for next year said “We have a clear plan.” Uh, so did Custer.


Josie Canesco, 18, daughter of Jose, was arrested for alleged DUI this morning. Maybe the apple doesn’t stagger far from the tree.

Alabama RB Tyren Jones was already suspended for “conduct not to the standard of the football program. Now he was arrested for marijuana possession, the third Crimson Tide player arrest in four days. Yep, Nick Saban really is running an NFL type program.

Asked why Tampa should make him the first NFL pick this year, Jameis Winston responded “Because I’m the best player in this draft.” Well, it’s a better answer than “Florida has cheap crab legs.”

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today in court that Aaron Hernandez told him he was innocent of murder. Well, and why would Kraft think anyone connected with the Patriots would have reason to lie?

Just a hint to political fundraisers – putting “URGENT” on emails asking for donations is a great way to get things urgently put into the spam box.

Tough time to be a environmentally conscious Californian. Starbucks gives you a 10 cent discount for bringing a reusable cup. But washing that cup takes water…..

From Gary M, in response to my suggestion that the Falcons pay guys from local frats rather than paying a fine to pipe in crowd noise…. “Good idea, but the frats probably can’t make bail till after the weekend.”


Wrong numbers?

March 25, 2015

New Boston Red Sox third baseman Pablo Sandoval told USA that he changed his cell number and doesn’t talk to old SF Giants teammates. He also added “If I had signed (with SF), I knew I would be under a (weight) regimen for five years, and I’m not going to be happy someplace where I’m under that kind of regimen, where I can’t be myself.”

Well at least Sandoval chose a new team with kind, gentle and understanding fans/media…. Hint to the Panda ‪#‎lessismore‬

And you thought the worst export from Canada was Justin Bieber. ‪#‎TedCruzCampaignSlogans‬

Now, most people agree tax law is too complicated. But along with everything else, Ted Cruz has joined Dr. Ben Carson in saying he will abolish the IRS. Sure, let’s put all Americans on the honor system. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Stanford men’s basketball team beats Vanderbilt and is heading to New York’s Madison Square Garden for the NIT final four. And hey, had they gotten to the NCAA tournament they’d either be done now or heading to maybe Cleveland, or Syracuse. With a Final Four in Indianapolis Hey, maybe these Stanford kids really ARE smart.

How many careers would benefit from a five-second delay on speech like they have on “live” TV? Mike Bocchino, a Connecticut state rep, criticizing a proposed “yes means yes” sexual assault bill – “At the end of the day, there are no witnesses — at least if there are, it’s a really great party.”. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

University of Michigan center, Jack Miller, 21, is retiring from football due to concussion fears – “I know it’s pretty unorthodox for a 21-year-old to see past his own nose This game requires such a passion to excel, and my flame is burned out.” And a number of other college players are thinking “Dude, what’s ‘unorthodox?'”

When these companies put you on hold for 30 plus minutes and say periodically “Thank you for your time and patience” I am reminded of that little vulture statue they used to sell in gift shops “Patience my a**, I’m going to kill something.”

A United Airlines employee was arrested and charged with stealing over $500 from a passenger’s wallet at a TSA checkpoint at Newark. United is appalled. If anyone is ripping off a passenger, it should be the airline themselves.

United flights from SF to Dallas, $226 roundtrip. Adding aisle seats towards the front of the plane and one checked bag in each direction, $146 additional. We don’t need Ryan Air in the US, the legacy airlines are already there.

New Orleans coach Sean Payton said there is “not one iota” of truth to rumors that the Saints are thinking of trading Drew Brees. Translation, they may be rebuilding, but they still want to sell tickets next year.

The NFL has decided that the controversial formation that the New England Patriots used to score a TD against the Ravens in the AFC championship will be illegal next year. No worries, Belichick and company expect to have a whole new stable of ways not to be caught cheating next season.



Thunder 91, Spurs 130?! So does Oklahoma City call that “elder abuse”, or rather “abuse by elders?”

Another of those rare serious thoughts.  “Turns out the reportedly suicidal man who allegedly shot and killed a San Jose, California, police officer last night, did fatally shoot himself later in the evening. Once again, such a damn shame that anyone bent on murder-suicide can’t take care of the latter first.”

What’s in a word?

March 22, 2015

So ‪#‎Wisconsin‬ survives to challenge the ‪#‎NCAA‬ stenographer for at least another day. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ ‪#‎antidisestablishmentarianism‬


(And if you haven’t read aboutf the Badgers and the Stenographer, here’s the link. Might be the best non-Georgia State story of the tournament –

Stanford vs Rhode Island tonight in the NIT. Many Cardinal fans tuned in, if only for the memories and replays of a game that actually mattered. “And he was FOULED!”



Stanford holding up ‪#‎Pac12‬ honor in the “Not in Tournament.” So what’s better-worse? Another potential NIT banner? Or being knocked out in the first round of the NCAA’s.

Ted Cruz apparently will announce his candidacy for the Presidency Monday, skipping the usual step of an “exploratory committee.” Well, makes sense. “Exploratory” sounds too much like science.

Jerry Brown said today that U.S. Senator Ted Cruz’ is “unfit” to run for President. It’s actually a birther thing. Cruz was born stupid.

A 46 year old woman was arrested after allegedly stripping on a British Airways flight from Jamaica to London, and then according to the UK Mirror “performing a solo sex act.” Men across the world have one reaction – “Where is the video?”

NY Yankees are advertising individual game tickets against the “best of the American League”. Translation “which in 2015 will not be us.”

In Cottonwood, Arizona, eight police officers and a Walmart employee were assaulted in the store parking lot. Two suspects were shot, one fatally, and seven others were arrested. According to a police spokesman, the suspects are all related. ‪#‎Familyvalues‬ Your move, Florida.

Bloomsburg (Pa.) University dismissed one of their best hitters after he posted a offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis. (He used the four letter S word that is only marginally better than the four letter C word.)

But okay, once again, the guy is not being dismissed so much for being a sexist pig, but for being idiotic enough to tweet it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

John McCain, on CNN, dismissing what “Bibi Netanyahu said during an election campaign.” “If every politician were held to everything they say during a campaign, obviously that would be a topic of long discussion.”

Right, like saying that Sarah Palin was qualified to be President?

Throwing darts?

March 15, 2015

Amazing how many people who will wait until April 14, or file for extensions. with their taxes because they don’t have time, will spend most of this evening on their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ brackets.



It’s late night on Selection Sunday and most Americans are hard at working trying to predict who’s going to end up in the finals losing to Kentucky.

As if we didn’t need more proof that sports is a young and fit person’s game, Georgia State won the Sun Belt championship today, which got them into the NCAA tournament. And coach Ron Hunter, while celebrating the win on the court, tore his ACL. (Somebody at the SF Giants guard Jeremy Affeldt if one of his underdog bracket teams wins.)


There were lots of disappointed bubble teams today on March Madness Selection Sunday. But based on their record, it should have been at least a ten seed for the NY Knicks


Almost as much of a tradition as the ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ selection, is the bitching from teams who think they were one of the “first four out.” Right. Because they were denied a chance to get destroyed in the first round.

While much of the country is concerned about their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ seeding, here in the SF Bay Area fans of local teams were wondering if Stanford and Cal had a chance to meet in the ‪#‎NIT‬ finals.

(Alas, Cal ended up on the wrong side of the NIT bubble, and turned down a CBI bid. )

The ‪#‎NIT‬ selection committee has a sick sense of humor. #Stanford‬, the #2 seed, opens against ‪#‎UCDavis‬.

Blake Griffin is back after missing most of the last month with a right elbow injury. Although presumably the Clippers center will be careful now and only flop on his left side.



Al Rosen had a third of a page obituary in today’s NY Times. About half dedicated to his time with the Indians, most of the rest to his time as President of the Yankees, and two short lines total to his time as GM of the Astros and SF Giants. ‪#‎whateastcoastbias‬?

So now it comes out that Jeb Bush used personal email to discuss security and Middle East military issues while governor of Florida. And no doubt back and forth allegations will continue. At least we can all be grateful that neither JFK or Bill Clinton had the ability to email, nor worse, text, while in office….


Designers Dolce & Gabbana, said in an interview that they were against gay adoptions, but also “‘No chemical offsprings and rented uterus… And Dolce added “it must be an act of love… I call children of chemistry, synthetic children.”

Elton John has angrily called for a boycott of the brand. But leaving gay parenting out, guess D & G are so ignorant they don’t realize that the same heterosexual couples who can afford to buy their stuff are the same couples who can afford IVF and other high-priced fertility treatments. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, designer division.

Okay, I’ve got it, we can’t have a vote on attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch because Mitch McConnell won’t allow it. Until and unless the Senate passes a human trafficking bill, where the GOP has inserted anti-abortion language that Democrats act like they finally just read….And we wonder why Americans are turned off by politics.

Brackets, brackets, who’s got brackets?

March 16, 2014

Selection Sunday for March Madness. That glorious time of year when your heart can be broken by a team you didn’t know existed a few days ago.


St Patrick’s Day is Monday.. So wonder how many Americans will end up blaming their bracket mistakes on too much green beer?

Selection Sunday! Where beyond the #1 seeds, the biggest drama is which bubble teams will complain bitterly that they just missed a #16 seed...

There was a televised NIT selection show Sunday night. And if you knew that, you are probably just a bit over obsessed with brackets.

And if you watched the show and aren’t related to someone connected to an NIT team, you are probably more than a bit over obsessed.. (No, I didn’t watch, but saw it while flipping Direct TV channels on a plane.)

And if you are upset that your favorite team fell just short of the NIT tournament… well….

Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Sr. is reportedly near death. “What a shame” said absolutely positively nobody.



President Obama says the U.S. will not recognize the Crimean election. Will Putin counter that Russia allowed election observers sent by Kim Jong-Un?

John McCain today – “Russia is a gas station masquerading as a country.” Guessing this eliminates all chance of the Senator being seated next to Vladimir Putin at a future White House state dinner.

United announcement on plane today:  ,”If San Francisco is not your final destination please come forward so we can get you on the correct plane.” No takers but uh, shouldn’t your boarding pass readers have caught that?

A new Republican CNN poll shows the leader for the 2016 Presidential nomination is… Rand Paul?!. Which means somewhere Hillary Clinton might be starting her St. Patrick’s Day toasting early!

In Palm Coast, Florida, an man drinking at a resort bar left and returned later in the evening dressed as Rambo, carrying an assault rifle and two hunting knifes. Two other bar patrons were able to subdue him and grab the gun, sustaining only minor knife injuries in the process. And the Rambo wanna-be is in custody. Your move, Arizona.

Reality television star Kristin Cavallari says she will not get her son vaccinated because she’s “read too many books.” Shocking. Kristin reads books?

My not-so-old Kentucky is home.

March 19, 2013

First round NIT – Robert Morris 59, Kentucky 57. Puts a whole new meaning on “One and done.”


Not saying the Kentucky team was young, but after the game coach John Calipari was so upset he gave all the starters time-outs.

Btw, those same Kentucky Wildcats when the season started?  The favorite at 6-1 to win the entire NCAA tournament.  Guess that means Nerlens Noel was really the One without who they were Done?

One of many signs this whole college basketball system needs reworking though –  when with the top teams most fans recognize fewer of the players than the coaches.



Coach Rex Ryan said the New York Jets have to get better at QB, adding that Tim Tebow would get the opportunity to compete. And he said it with a straight face.


New Jersey has decided to try allowing Atlantic City casinos to offer fantasy sports betting. Don’t most casinos already allow fantasy betting? As in picking the Cubs to win the World Series.

A study has shown that the resveratol in red wine may help prevent Alzheimer’s. Or if you drink enough of it at least the wine gives you a good reason to forget things.  (or as my friend Linda says, you won’t care if you forget things..)


Got to love it, Tiger Woods announces he is dating Lindsey Vonn, posts a number of pictures, and thanks fans on his Facebook page for “respecting our privacy.”

Lindsey Vonn apparently was making jokes a couple years ago about Tiger Woods and his “sex addiction.” Have to wonder the odds on in another couple years Lindsey herself ending up part of the punchline.

Derek Jeter was scratched from the Yankees spring training game today with a “cranky ankle.” About the only good news for New York these days is that most of their injures should be covered by Medicare.

Ok, the story of a University of Central Florida student who planned to shoot students isn’t funny, but then there’s this quote from an evacuated young woman “”There were police everywhere, students out there half-dressed, no shoes, in the cold….” The weather was in the 60s.

Reportedly Lindsay Lohan chose rehab because she was scared of jail. But not scared enough apparently to start just following the law….

Telling NBC jokes has apparently gotten Jay Leno with network executives. Fortunately, since he’s still on NBC, very few people are actually hearing the jokes.


Michelle Shocked has had several shows canceled after making an anti-gay slur at a San Francisco concert. Two questions. Who the heck is Michelle Shocked? And is she angling to open for Ted Nugent?


After a South Carolina primary, looks like the House special election will be between Mark Sanford, former Governor and “Appalachian trail” hiker and Elizabeth Colbert Bush, sister of Stephen Colbert. Not sure about state residents, but comedians across the country are thinking ‘Thank you, Jesus.”

From Bill Littlejohn:  Now, the Broncos have offered Dumervil a contract—talk about bringing Elvis back from the dead”
(Elvis’s agent, however, is no doubt still as dead as Generalissmo Francisco Franco)

When you’re a Jet….

March 21, 2012

The New York Jets already overpaid for Mark Sanchez. Now apparently they’ve got Tim Tebow too? And late night comics are saying “Thank you, Jesus.”

Let the fireworks begin. Tebow to the Jets for a fourth and sixth round pick. Where with Tim’s is 47.3% career completion percentage, he will be backup presumably to Mark Sanchez, with his gaudy 55.3% rate. I can hear those happy fans already.

You cannot make this “stuff” up. A Romney staffer was asked about concerns that Romney was going too far to the right to appeal to moderates: His response: “Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-A-Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.” Well, at least he’s honest.

VCU men’s basketball coach Shaka Smart turned down the head coaching position at Illinois. Maybe he’s holding out for a high level amateur team closer to Richmond, like the Washington Wizards.

In Miami Beach, an impatient woman driving an SUV sped up to cut in line in a gas station and accidently ran into the pump. The gas pump burst into flames, destroying itself and the SUV. The sad news, the driver survived unharmed.

A woman engrossed in trying to change an appointment on her phone actually fell into Lake Michigan. (She was rescued by her husband and a passerby.) Seems like Apple needs a “common sense” app.

Now that Mitt Romney is, by his spokesman’s own statement, the “Etch A Sketch” candidate, here’s a historical pop culture lesson for anyone under 30: An “Etch A Sketch” is kind of like an iPad drawing program that you shake instead of hitting “delete.”

Who are these guys? Stanford men’s basketball team destroyed an NCAA bubble team (Nevada) 84-56 tonight in the NIT quarter-finals.

And just think, if this were BCS run college football instead of basketball instead of this admittedly second-tier tournament run, based on Stanford’s regular season fans could have watched the Cardinal against someone like N.C. State in the Dec 18 “Some company you’ve never heard of” bowl.

Got to love it. At Stanford Shopping Center, an upscale open-air mall, there are several close-in parking places near the handicapped spaces “reserved for McDonald’s customers.” Uh, folks, if you eat less McDonald’s you’re less likely to end up needing the handicapped spots.

ESPN just said “New York hasn’t seen anything like Tebow-mania.” Well, at least not since last month.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from Jersey Shore has entered rehab for substance abuse. His first task in the 12-step program – learning to count to 12.

Not that I would ever accuse Roger Goddell of favoring image over substance. But have to wonder, was it a coincidence that the Saints’ punishment was announced just after Peyton Manning finally made his decision? (And a day before NCAA March Madness starts up again.)

Just also wonder, what would have happened if Alex Smith hadn’t done his two minute Superman imitation in the playoffs, and the Saints defeated the 49ers, Giants and Patriots….

But let me guess, Sean Payton and company haven’t been watching the news for the past 10 or so years???? Clinton, Sanford, Weiner, Martha Stewart etc…..The coverup always gets punished worst than the crime. Even Richard Nixon somewhere has to be muttering “What were you THINKING?”

Boys will be boys. (And girls will try to be boys?).

March 20, 2012

The #3 seeded Miami Hurricanes’ women’s basketball team has suspended star senior guard Riquna Williams, for “conduct detrimental to the team.” Who said women’s basketball would never catch up to the men’s game?

Meanwhile, in an overtime thriller, the Stanford men’s basketball team knocked off Illinois State to advance to the Sweet 16 of the NIT….. Yeah, okay, winning is great. But Sweet 16 of the NIT? Isn’t that an accomplishment on par with making it through the first round of the Bachelor. Or winning a straw poll in this year’s GOP primary?

Peyton to the Broncos. Alex Smith talking to Miami. That might leave for S.F…. Tim Tebow To paraphrase an old joke, he could have 60,000 fans on their feet yelling “Jesus Christ.”

Got email invite to follow John Kerry on Twitter, where the email adds “And hey, it’s a rare chance to see a United States Senator struggle to express thoughts in 140 characters or less!.” Well, it’s a safe bet we won’t be asked to follow Joe Biden.

Yet another reason why those of us with XX chromosomes adore George Clooney. He had one phone call from jail, and when asked who he called, George replied “My mother. Some things never change.”

The Mets, facing a lawsuit demanding up to $1 billion, settled with the Madoff Madoff for $162M. $162 million? Why for the Yankees that’s a couple long-relievers and a utility infielder.

Today in Illinois Rick Santorum said the issue in the presidential race is not the economy but an “oppressive government that’s taking away people’s freedom.” (Presumably he forgot to add, unless you are gay or a woman.)

Spurned by Matt Flynn, Peyton Manning and maybe even Alex Smith, Miami has signed …. David Garrard. So this fall Dolphins fans can look forward to watchng Garrard make his debut at Chopped Liver Stadium.

The Walt Disney Co. now says they will lose $200 million on “John Carter.” Wow. Does that mean there will be a movie-themed ride at Epcot?

So does Peyton Manning’s decision mean the Broncos are the favorites to win the AFC, by a neck?

New Orleans police have filed felony charges against Russell Brand for smashing a photographer’s iPhone last week. Brand says he intends to fight the charges. Wonder if prosecutors might accept a plea bargain if Brand promises to do the same thing in a few movie theaters and restaurants.

A new bill in Tennessee would require the state to publish the names of each doctor who performs an abortion and the age, race, county, marital status, education level, # of children, and location of the woman having the procedure. Where’s the bill requiring similar information about men being treated for STDs?

Headline about Demi Moore’s soon-to-be-ex signing up for Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic flights -“”Ashton Kutcher heading into space.”

Uh, isn’t he already there?

From catfish to grits to pancakes……Mitt Romney today stopped in a popular Illinois diner today, saying “I need only one thing from you this morning — no two,” Romney said. “#1, I need some pancakes, and #2, I need you to go vote” Anyone but me hoping someone in Louisiana might offer him a Hurricane without saying what’s in it?

Quote from Joe Biden. And okay, this had to be his speechwriters because it’s so succinct. But a great Obama reelection bumper sticker nonetheless: “Osama Bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive. Think about it.”

Dropping the balls

March 14, 2012

Syracuse star freshman Fab Melo has been ruled ineligible for the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Gentlemen, start erasing your brackets.

Iona blew a 25 point lead tonight in losing to BYU. Did they get their playbook from Mitt Romney?

Barack Obama took U.K. Prime Minister to a play-in NCAA men’s basketball game tonight. Which Cameron said he enjoyed, although he originally thought “March Madness” referred to the Republican primaries.

The Pac 12 has announced their next three conference tournaments will be in Las Vegas. Perfect. This way all those who bet on the NIT will have a chance to see their potential favorites up close and personal.

Mitt Romney, in Southerner mode, talked about “Davy Crockett, who killed himself a bear, when he was only three.” Uh, Mitt, if you’re going to quote the song in the South it’s “kilt him a bar, when he was only three.”

UCLA announced Tuesday that Ben Howland will remain on the job as men’s basketball coach. Translation, we’re already on the hook for paying him and who else would take over this mess?

Anyone else think that “the Bachelor” Ben’s proposal to Courtney will turn out to be as lasting relevant long term as a vote for Rick Perry in the GOP primaries?

A Delta jet was undergoing maintenance tests in Atlanta today when it rolled off a runway and down an embankment. Sounds like the tests went about as well as SATs go for SEC football players.

(actually the interesting question, apparently it was brake failure – but did the brakes fail, or did they fail to set the brakes.)

Hyatt Hotels says that they will start installing new TV’s with internet capability in guest rooms, so guests can log into Facebook or email, or stream Netflix movies on their in-room screens. Great, this will mean one more thing in a hotel room besides the alarm clock I can’t figure out.

A new bill in the California State Assembly proposes to ban violent fans from professional sporting events, although not from college and minor league games. Leaving aside the “how do they enforce it? question, have to wonder, why leave out a really scary group – some parents of Little Leaguers.

Something airline passengers may not have heard before, the pilot asking “Is anyone allergic to penguins?” Two penguins flew on Delta today, in first class, from Atlanta to New York to attend the premiere of Discovery Channel’s “Frozen Planet.” No doubt they were better behaved than many children, and some adults.

Rick Santorum is now accusing Fox News of “shilling” for Mitt Romney, and saying they don’t want him on their shows. Well, let’s see, MSNBC probably isn’t an option…but Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would love to have him.

President Obama’s women’s bracket has Baylor, St. John’s, Connecticut and Notre Dame in the Final Four. He must not be fundraising anytime soon in Northern California.

The Dow closed up over 200 points, to 13,177.68 today. This is bad continued unemployment news – for Mitt Romney.

From T.C. Paraphrasing Canadian Golfer Dan Halldorson about the NIT Tournament. Winning this would be similar to getting a trophy for “Tallest Midget”.

Madness time.

March 11, 2012

First day of moving clocks ahead really should be referred to “Stumble forward.” “Spring”ing takes a few days.

And the worst thing for many Americans about this year’s switch to Daylight Savings Time – they won’t be at their best when trying to fill out brackets.

At the All-Star Break the New York Knicks were looking like a team that could go deep into the playoffs. Now they’re looking like a team that would be on the wrong side of the NCAA tournament bubble.

Brackets were announced Sunday for the March Madness NCAA Tournament. Which means at about a dozen schools you can still hear the screams already “We wuz robbed of a chance to be destroyed by North Carolina in the opening round.”

So if a team loses in the play-in game, do they call it “one-half and done”?

Western Kentucky University (15-18) is in the NCAA’s despite a losing record since they won their Sun Belt Conference tournament. Many college fans find this shocking that a team with such a lousy record is in the Big Dance. (In a bowl game, maybe.)

New York Knicks losing their fifth straight, even with Jeremy Lin, Peyton Manning may be about to replace Tim Tebow in Denver. Maybe God just got tired of following sports?

Later Sunday, brackets were revealed for the NIT. This year to be subtitled “The Pac 12 Invitational.”

In the Cadillac Championship Sunday, Sergio Garcia shot a 12 on the par-4 third hole. Yes, a 12. It was the ugliest several minutes involving a golf club since Elin and Tiger’s 2009 Thanksgiving.

From Gary M. “Mark Sanchez’s contract extension with the New York Jets: “Not bad for a QB whose college coach said Mark needed another year of college ball before he’d be ready for the NFL. Now he’s surprassed his USC salary.”

Randy Moss working out for the 49ers? If he signs who wants to join a pool for the number of days before Moss causes a Harbaugh meltdown?

Speaker of the House John Boehner says of Congress, “We got some of the smartest people in the country who serve here, and some of the dumbest.” Well, these days you’d probably get bipartisan agreement on the latter.

Another response to the reproductive rights controversy: An Ohio state senator has a bill requiring men wanting prescriptions for Viagra or any other ED drugs to first see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency. I’m wondering why she doesn’t add “and promise that the sex would be for procreation.”

For those who can’t find enough political wackiness in the GOP primaries, I give you this: A bill passed by the Florida legislature this week contained an amendment stating that it will once again be legal (after 45 years of a ban) to dye animals the color of your choice.

More madness.

March 15, 2011

I know it’s only March, but for Time’s Person of the Year 2011, I think the clear frontrunner is Mother Nature.

Yesterday I posted that there was ONE good basketball team in Northern California – the Stanford women. But realized later, I had forgotten the St. Mary’s Gaels, who just missed the NCAA men’s tournament and got a one seed in the NIT.

Tonight the Gaels lost in the first round to Kent State.  So the Stanford women stand alone.

Here’s a thought about the NIT.   With the new NCAA 68 team format, does the NIT winner get to cut down the nets and yell “We”re number 69?

Al Gore has apparently signed a deal to write a new book. No word on the title yet, but the volume will apparently be marketed as the best thing since Tylenol PM.

T.C. wonders if Paul the Octopus could pick the Elite Eight.  And across America, millions of Americans struggling to fill out their brackets are muttering “why did that creature have to die before I really needed him.”

Michele Bachman said she “made a mistake” saying that the Revolutionary War started in Lexington, NH. But that this proves media bias since they didn’t make as much of Barack Obama’s saying he’d campaigned in 57 states. Well, maybe because Obama made the gaffe once and acknowledged it quickly.

And Bachman repeated her misstatement in a second speech and didn’t acknowledge the mistake for days.

Many in England are wondering why Sarah Ferguson wasn’t invited to the Royal Wedding.  Uh, maybe because she’s the closest thing British royalty has these days to Charlie Sheen?

Yes, Virginia, there are limits. In Florida, despite NRA lobbying, Senate Republicans scrapped plans to allow guns on college campuses. Guess even the GOP didn’t want to risk arming fans at Florida-Florida State games.

Despite a spate of injuries and pressure from their sponsors, the NHL is leaning towards not implementing rule changes to curb concussions. Instead, the league will push for tighter enforcement of current penalties. Here’s a suggestion – you injure someone with an illegal hit, you are suspended as long as they are unable to return to the ice.

Interesting and distracting question on a KNBR talk show tonight – if you could go back in time and attend one sporting event, what would it be? My first choice might be the Belmont in 1973. (The one that Secretariat won by about 33 lengths.)