Posted tagged ‘Jerry Brown jokes’

What’s in a word?

March 22, 2015

So ‪#‎Wisconsin‬ survives to challenge the ‪#‎NCAA‬ stenographer for at least another day. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ ‪#‎antidisestablishmentarianism‬


(And if you haven’t read aboutf the Badgers and the Stenographer, here’s the link. Might be the best non-Georgia State story of the tournament –

Stanford vs Rhode Island tonight in the NIT. Many Cardinal fans tuned in, if only for the memories and replays of a game that actually mattered. “And he was FOULED!”



Stanford holding up ‪#‎Pac12‬ honor in the “Not in Tournament.” So what’s better-worse? Another potential NIT banner? Or being knocked out in the first round of the NCAA’s.

Ted Cruz apparently will announce his candidacy for the Presidency Monday, skipping the usual step of an “exploratory committee.” Well, makes sense. “Exploratory” sounds too much like science.

Jerry Brown said today that U.S. Senator Ted Cruz’ is “unfit” to run for President. It’s actually a birther thing. Cruz was born stupid.

A 46 year old woman was arrested after allegedly stripping on a British Airways flight from Jamaica to London, and then according to the UK Mirror “performing a solo sex act.” Men across the world have one reaction – “Where is the video?”

NY Yankees are advertising individual game tickets against the “best of the American League”. Translation “which in 2015 will not be us.”

In Cottonwood, Arizona, eight police officers and a Walmart employee were assaulted in the store parking lot. Two suspects were shot, one fatally, and seven others were arrested. According to a police spokesman, the suspects are all related. ‪#‎Familyvalues‬ Your move, Florida.

Bloomsburg (Pa.) University dismissed one of their best hitters after he posted a offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis. (He used the four letter S word that is only marginally better than the four letter C word.)

But okay, once again, the guy is not being dismissed so much for being a sexist pig, but for being idiotic enough to tweet it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

John McCain, on CNN, dismissing what “Bibi Netanyahu said during an election campaign.” “If every politician were held to everything they say during a campaign, obviously that would be a topic of long discussion.”

Right, like saying that Sarah Palin was qualified to be President?


Time passages.

June 4, 2014

As of yesterday Donald Sterling is being sued by another ex-employee who claims she was his mistress. The woman is represented by Gloria Allred.   So congrats to all those who had June 3 in the pool.

Almost as soon as the polls closed in the California primary, the media could report that Governor Jerry Brown looks like a runaway winner this November. It’s a far cry from Brown’s first election, when the results had to come in by telegraph

After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?

Who says Sarah Palin and Democrats never agree on anything? Apparently last week at the Republican Leadership Conference, Palin suggested that “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson should run for president.

The NFL is ditching Roman numerals for their Super Bowl in Santa Clara, and instead of “L” will go with the Arabic number 50. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

When the totals are in, perhaps 300,000 Californians will have voted for Leland Yee for secretary of state. Now, not only has Yee been indicted on money laundering and weapons charges, he dropped out of the race over two months ago. Maybe this really does prove, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

“Breathe Right” nasal strips will co-sponsor Saturday’s Belmont Stakes, and hand out at least 50,000 of its nasal strips to fans at the race. If California Chrome wins will the NFL and MLB add the strips to their lists of banned performance enhancers?

Donald Sterling on the $2 billion sale of the Clippers, “I feel fabulous, I feel very good.” Wonder how many other professional team owners are wondering how they can get taped making bigoted remarks and get a similar price.

#SFGiants get game-winning home run from a guy in starting lineup hitting .048 #JuanPerez. So who’s #Bochy betting on for #BelmontStakes?


A 20 year veteran of the San Jose, CA police force was arrested after managers of a Public Storage started clearing out his storage space because of overdue rental payments and found perhaps 20 pounds of marijuana. Title this “Dude, when was my rent due?”

So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bowe Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

Well, of course it makes sense that the GOP is angry Congress wasn’t consulted about the hostage deal. Because Reagan always made sure Congress knew about all the hostage deals he made… Oops. Never mind.

So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

(My friend Linda points out that Oliver North said it was OK that Reagan negotiated with the Iranians because he never admitted it. …)


Don ZImmer has passed away at the age of 83. Guessing they won’t let Pedro Martinez anywhere near his coffin.

From Marc Ragovin  “For all those who beliieve that Bowe Bergdahl is being overly glorified after willingly abandoning his unit , bear in mind that he is now entitled to medical care through the VA system.

Upon  being told that he is now eligible for medical care through tthe VA system, Bowe Bergdahl immediately requested to be sent back. “

Forever young?

February 28, 2014
altimore Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at:

Jerry Brown, 75, running for a 4th term as Governor of California, now says someday he might want to run for Mayor of Oakland again. “Is this guy EVER going to quit?” asked Brett Favre.

Richie Incognito has checked himself into a psychiatric facility. Yeah, in the NFL bullying, DUI’s, wife-beating, all of that is normal. But take a bat to a Ferrari and you know you need help.

A Russian spy ship reportedly docked at Havana for no apparent reason. Maybe they were dropping off the Russian hockey team?

(or as my friend Michael said, maybe picking up the Cuban hockey team. Or both.)

The NY Mets’ David Wright says 90 wins “is a good starting point” for this year’s team. Quick, check that man for concussions.

If the Oakland As build a new stadium in the East Bay, the SF Giants have offered to share A T & T park during construction. Wonder if LA might complain, with that money the Giants could approach half the Dodgers’ payroll.

United Airlines says they have cancelled 22,500 flights so far in 2014, mostly due to weather. You know what that means? Fare increases to make up for lost revenue.


The 12-year old son of two Oakland, California police officers accidentally shot himself in the arm today at home. The boy will recover. But was the family angling for a move to Florida?

Open note to the NY #Knicks. The #NBA All-Star game is over, you can start playing defense now.

Messy situation and tough decisions ahead for the US with Russia and the Ukraine. Republicans are just waiting for President Obama to do something so they can say he is wrong.

Comedian George Lopez was reportedly arrested on last night at the Caesar’s casino in Windsor, Canada, for public intoxication. Isn’t that one of the purposes of being in a casino?

Ohio State reported secondary violations to the NCAA for football, including pocket dials and Urban Meyer handing the phone to a recruit to say “Hi” to Tim Tebow. Of course, since they reported this silly stuff it means they couldn’t possibly be doing anything serious, right….?

A judge ordered an grandmotherly looking woman to stay away from the airport and gave her time served for 8 days in jail after she tried to sneak onto flights to Hawaii from SFO three times this month. Who did she think she was, Helen Hayes?

(note, if you didn’t get the above joke you are either under 40 or not a fan of 1970’s disaster movies.)

Rory McIlroy is leading the PGA Honda Classic after two rounds. Which makes ESPN happy. Since McIlroy is a name, that’s almost as Tiger Woods making the cut.


This week Buck Showalter made Orioles prospect Josh Hart write a research paper after he admitted he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. From Bill Littlejohn:  “In related news, Seth Meyers admitted he didn’t know who Johnny Carson was.

e Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at:

They’re over….

November 3, 2010

The 2010 baseball season and the 2010 election.

Despite spending  $161 million, including $141 million of her own money, Meg Whitman finally conceded late Tuesday night. She told her supporters that they had been part of something important.

Meg may not be ready to be Governor, but she now might be more than qualified to be GM of the Chicago Cubs. (who spent $161 million, and didn’t even come in second.)

Congrats to California Governor-elect Jerry Brown, on returning to the office after 28 years. There was just one embarassing moment, when Brown called New York Governor-elect Cuomo and said “Can’t wait to work with you again, Mario.”

CNN says that Harry Reid’s victory is a testament to his ground game in Nevada. Really? I thought it was a testament to the fact his opponent was a fruitcake.

And while Democrats and moderates were disappointed with the national results, at least there is one solace – now it’s John Boehner’s turn to herd cats.

Political newcomer Rick Scott spent $73 million of his own money and won the Governor’s race in Florida. Looks like Meg Whitman, for all her Ebay experience, bid on the wrong state.

Christine O’Donnell gave a defiant concession speech tonight in Delaware.  And then accompanied by her flying monkeys she flew home.

Back to baseball, commission Bud Selig wants two more teams in the playoffs because he thinks it would be “more fair.”

Translation, ANYTHING to have the Red Sox, Yankees, Dodgers or Cubs have a better chance to get in and boost television ratings.

The Prop 19 watch party is apparently a calm mellow get-together Tuesday night. Supporters, however, are getting ready for an energetic turnout at the polls on Wednesday.

Meanwhile on November 2, Jamarcus Russell was working out for the Redskins. Isn’t election day in theory when we kick the bums out of Washington?.

The Orlando Magic-New York Knicks game was postponed tonight because asbestos fell from the rafters at Madison Square Garden. Normally the only toxic thing at the Garden is the play of the Knicks.

Great stat from my friend Michael Duca.   Pat Burrell has more World Series rings (2) than World Series hits. (1, none this series.).

This just in from A T and T. Pigs were seen flying around the ballpark.

Meanwhile in Dallas, they still have the Cowboys.

Freak show.

October 8, 2010

Tim Lincecum,  14 strikeouts, 31 swing and misses (most in the majors all season), and a 1-0 complete game victory.  And he did it without benefit of pitching to his own lineup.

(No, it wasn’t quite the record for strikeouts in a post-season game. But he should definitely have the record for most strikeouts per pound.)

Okay, this is a long way away, several games anyway, from being reality, but… If the Phillies and Giants meet in the NLCS and Halladay and Lincecum pitch game one, I’m figuring the over-under in Vegas is about one and a half.

(Reader T.C. suggested the over under for Thursday’s game should have been 3 1/2.  Actually it was 6, which is low for a major league game, the average is about 8-9.  And it didn’t even turn out to be close.)

Another 1-0 game for the SF Giants Thursday night, this time a win.  Between innings the p.a. system played “Living on a prayer.”  I think it’s the hitters’ theme -song.

And sorry if this offends anyone, but the newest t-shirt sold outside A T and T Park tomorrow is likely to be “Tim Lincecum,  F*** Yeah.”

So first Lincecum drops the F-bomb in a postgame interview after the Giants clinch the West, now Jerry Brown is overheard in a conversation where his aide refers to Meg Whitman as a “whore. ” 

Wow, athletes and politicians swear. I am shocked, shocked.

Brown immediately issued an apology to Meg Whitman for the conversation. Now he’s been asked for a second apology, from the Prostitutes Union.

Actually, at this point I think Californians might cheerfully elect a capable whore.  Prostitutes are generally straightforward, actually give value for money, and at least leave people satisfied.  (And yes, there are more R and X rated versions of this riff, but I’ll quit while I’m ahead, or rather, behind.)

Sharron Angle’s pastor, John Reed, has now gone after Harry Reid by saying that because he’s a Mormon, the Senator is a member of a “bizarre cult.”

Hmm,  Did Reed forget about that Mitt Romney endorsement?

Apparently the race between Sharron Angle and Harry Reid in Nevada is too close to call.  One poll stated that one in ten “didn’t like either candidate.”  Presumably as opposed to nine in ten who can’t stand either candidate.

In San Francisco, the Liberty and Freedom Foundation put up a Sarah Palin billboard today at the corner of Market and Castro. What’s next, a Christine O’Donnell sign in front of Good Vibrations?

Don Larsen, who pitched a perfect game in the 1956 World Series, was interviewed today after Roy Halladay’s no-hitter. A little known fact about that game, had Larsen faltered, Jamie Moyer was warming up in the bullpen.

(Actually in all seriousness, add Tim Lincecum and Buster Posey’s ages together, and you only beat Moyer’s age by one)

While it can be hard to be funny, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to be a comedian. Latest case in point – Ralphie May, arrested for marijuana possession at Guam Airport…. after he went over to pet the drug-sniffing dog.

Baylor’s star guard LaceDarius Dunn was suspended from classes over allegations that he hit his girlfriend during a fight and broke her jaw.

Dunn’s basketball playing friends at other universities were stunned.  At Baylor players actually go to class?

It pays to be frugal…

October 1, 2010

Right about now Jerry Brown has to be thanking his lucky stars that he’s too cheap to hire a housekeeper.

Just wondering though, if it had been Jerry Brown who had the illegal housekeeper, would Meg Whitman say it was a non-issue and he had no real reason to doubt her?

But seriously, Meg Whitman has stated strongly that illegal immigrants should be deported, Yet if you listen to Meg’s side of “Nannygate, the sequel,” she alleges that she found out her housekeeper, who had “become a member of their extended family” was illegal in back 2009 and chose to fire her rather than have her arrested.

Wouldn’t you think the personal experience just MIGHT have made her see that there are shades of gray with this issue…? (Well, we can dream…)

Regarding this housekeeper with the phony social security number. Presumably Whitman withheld taxes from her paycheck, and paid her employer social security contribution as well. But in cases where it’s a phony number, the employee never gets anything back…’s basically free money for the government.

And right or wrong, the government is taking in a LOT of money this way.

It just gets worse for Christine O’Donnell. Today a number of witches and warlocks came forward to say that besides not attending all those schools, they have no record of her ever really dabbling in witchcraft either.

The SF Giants were 6 1/2 games out of first place on August 25. Thursday they clinched at least a tie for the Western Division title. Are we sure someone on the team isn’t dabbling in witchcraft?

On the other hand, the Padres have lost 22 of 34 games since Aug. 25. They’ve fallen faster than Lebron James’ reputation.

After an off-season marred by controversy with players increasingly calling the shots as to in which big market they want to play, and others, still under contract, acting like spoiled children who want to play only with their friends, the NBA has taken some action.

Coaches will no longer be allowed to wear mock turtlenecks under their suit jacket; a collared shirt will be required. Good to see the league is a dealing with the important issues.

Tour de France champion Alberto Contador is blaming contaminated meat for his positive doping test. Great, now how many world-class athletes will claim to have been hanging out with Lady Gaga?

Chad Ochocinco has a breakfast cereal sold in the Cincinnati area that benefits “Feed the Children” Unfortunately a phone number on the box for further donations has a typo that results in callers reaching a phone sex line. Not maybe what Ochocino meant in his tweet urging his fans to buy the cereal and “start your day with a l’il sugar.”