Posted tagged ‘Incognito jokes’

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Forever young?

February 28, 2014
altimore Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/355622/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-28-2014-Edition-460#sthash.QPu3hmz7.dpuf

Jerry Brown, 75, running for a 4th term as Governor of California, now says someday he might want to run for Mayor of Oakland again. “Is this guy EVER going to quit?” asked Brett Favre.

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Richie Incognito has checked himself into a psychiatric facility. Yeah, in the NFL bullying, DUI’s, wife-beating, all of that is normal. But take a bat to a Ferrari and you know you need help.

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A Russian spy ship reportedly docked at Havana for no apparent reason. Maybe they were dropping off the Russian hockey team?

(or as my friend Michael said, maybe picking up the Cuban hockey team. Or both.)

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The NY Mets’ David Wright says 90 wins “is a good starting point” for this year’s team. Quick, check that man for concussions.

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If the Oakland As build a new stadium in the East Bay, the SF Giants have offered to share A T & T park during construction. Wonder if LA might complain, with that money the Giants could approach half the Dodgers’ payroll.

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United Airlines says they have cancelled 22,500 flights so far in 2014, mostly due to weather. You know what that means? Fare increases to make up for lost revenue.

 

The 12-year old son of two Oakland, California police officers accidentally shot himself in the arm today at home. The boy will recover. But was the family angling for a move to Florida?

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Open note to the NY #Knicks. The #NBA All-Star game is over, you can start playing defense now.

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Messy situation and tough decisions ahead for the US with Russia and the Ukraine. Republicans are just waiting for President Obama to do something so they can say he is wrong.

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Comedian George Lopez was reportedly arrested on last night at the Caesar’s casino in Windsor, Canada, for public intoxication. Isn’t that one of the purposes of being in a casino?

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Ohio State reported secondary violations to the NCAA for football, including pocket dials and Urban Meyer handing the phone to a recruit to say “Hi” to Tim Tebow. Of course, since they reported this silly stuff it means they couldn’t possibly be doing anything serious, right….?

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A judge ordered an grandmotherly looking woman to stay away from the airport and gave her time served for 8 days in jail after she tried to sneak onto flights to Hawaii from SFO three times this month. Who did she think she was, Helen Hayes?

(note, if you didn’t get the above joke you are either under 40 or not a fan of 1970’s disaster movies.)

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Rory McIlroy is leading the PGA Honda Classic after two rounds. Which makes ESPN happy. Since McIlroy is a name, that’s almost as Tiger Woods making the cut.

 

This week Buck Showalter made Orioles prospect Josh Hart write a research paper after he admitted he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. From Bill Littlejohn:  “In related news, Seth Meyers admitted he didn’t know who Johnny Carson was.

e Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/355622/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-28-2014-Edition-460#sthash.QPu3hmz7.dpuf
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Damages.

February 27, 2014

Richie Incognito apparently bashed his own Ferrari with a baseball bat. Did he tell police responding to the report of a damaged vehicle that he and the car were the best of pals?

 

On March 15, the San Diego Padres are offering free season tickets to fans who can hit a home run at Petco Park off the team’s pitching machine. And considering the way the team has hit lately, winning fans may also be offered a free-agent contract.

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A $60 million Texas high school stadium located in a suburb of Dallas will be shutdown INDEFINITELY due to “extensive cracking” in the concourse concrete. Wow. This could be the biggest waste of football money in town not affiliated with the Cowboys roster.

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Paula Dean “I feel like ’embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out,” Even Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson is thinking “Sweet Jesus, that woman is dumb.”

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The folks behind Kentucky’s “Creation Museum” are now moving ahead with “Ark Encounter” a theme park built around a 510-foot replica of Noah’s Ark, which will also present a biblical version of history. How long until they run into copyright infringement from Disney? Isn’t “Fantasyland” already taken?

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The CFL Montreal Alouettes released WR Arland Bruce, after he was fined last month by the league for comments about Michael Sam. Bruce tweeted that Sam should “man up, get on his knees and submit to God fully.” Leaving aside the stupidity and homophobia, was that really the best choice of words? #bustohell

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United Airlines is now allowing passengers to pre-book Direct TV on flights for only $4.99, a savings of $3. No doubt the airline figures they’ll make bonus money when passengers don’t bother to ask for a refund on all the times the inflight TV doesn’t work.

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American Airlines is dropping bereavement fares, saying they are making the change “to have a single, consistent program for American and US Airways.” (US Airways didn’t have such fares.) Amazing how in airline mergers the new “consistent” program is always the one that costs consumers more…..

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The GOP is complaining about military budget cuts, but they just scuttled Bernie Sanders’ bill to improve services for veterans. Largely because the Democrats wouldn’t add sanctions to Iran as part of the bill. And because anything President Obama backs must be wrong.

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Finally, from Alex Kaseberg, an open letter:

“Dear Rest of the U.S:

We hear you have had some severe weather this winter, so we would like to ask you some questions. Today, we woke up and there was a liquid-like substance actually falling from the sky. Here is my question: Is it OK to leave the house?

Yours Truly,

California”

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Big winners and losers?

November 6, 2013

 Chris Christie in his victory speech says it’s about showing up. And that “you don’t just show up six months before an election, you show up four years before an election”. Which might be a pre-emptive explanation why he might spend much of the next four years in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina etc.

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Chris Christie won, but the Houston Astrodome lost and will be demolished. It would be tacky to make a joke about a mixed night for supersized entities.

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Will anyone EVER top this political excuse? Toronto mayor Rob Ford is now admitting he smoked crack “probably a year ago” but it was because he was in a “drunken stupor” at the time.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s approval ratings actually went up after it came out that he smoked crack cocaine. So how many members of Congress sent their staffers out on the street for a little…shopping?

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ESPN headline about how poor Ohio State might go undefeated but still might not make it to the BCS title game. Uh, here’s a hint for the Buckeyes. Next time don’t make your out-of-conference games against Buffalo, San Diego State, Cal and Florida A & M.

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Berkeley police said a fight between two Cal football players in the locker room resulted in one being taken to a hospital. Bears fans were shocked, they didn’t think a member of this year’s team could actually hit anyone.

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Wannabe Darwin award of the week, as in lucky he wasn’t shot: A 21 year old Central Connecticut State University student accidentally caused a three hour lockdown at the school when he walked through campus dressed as. Snake Eyes costume from G.I. Joe for Halloween. Complete with tactical vest, camouflage pants, mask, plastic sword and handgun….

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How quickly things can change. Before last weekend, Miami Dolphins’ fans thought the worst thing happening with their team was a four game losing streak.

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in a recent YouGov poll, only 15% of Americans said they had ever excused themselves “from a social event or a conversation to go to another room to check email.” The other 85% presumably just used their phones during the middle of the event or conversation.

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Joy Johnson, 86, the oldest woman to run the NY Marathon, died the next day. And coach potatoes around the world are saying “See, exercise is dangerous to your health.”

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NY Giants safety Antrel Rolle on the Dolphins’ bullying scandal: “Was Richie Incognito wrong? Absolutely But I think the other guy is just as much to blame as Richie, because he allowed it to happen.” Well of course, Martin should have brought a gun to the locker room, in fact, let’s arm all NFL players…..

 

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Now, who knows how this will all come down, but if the NFL decided to suspend the Saints’ Sean Payton over bounties, going to be really interesting to see what they do with Dolphins’ Joe Philbin and his locker room.

 

Jeff Ireland, GM of the Miami Dolphins, probably had no direct involvement with the current scandal. But Ireland is the man who in 2010 asked Dez Bryant, born to a 15 year old who did time for drug dealing, if his mother was a prostitute. What a classy team….

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And then there’s the short form reaction to the whole Dolphins mess: men are pigs.

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Can you hear me now?

November 4, 2013

In a recent survey, only 9.1% of men said they have ever paid for or received payment for sex, down from 17% in the 1990s. Which means either men have found alternatives to prostitution, or they think the NSA might be monitoring their phone calls.

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U.S. Rep Mike Michaud of Maine, who is running for Governor, announced Monday he’s gay. The coolest thing, it wasn’t even much of a national headline. #progress

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So why do stores have Christmas merchandise up as soon as Halloween is over? Presumably because people don’t buy much Thanksgiving merchandise.

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Just maybe a sign that we have too many lawyers? A sign on Starbucks’ Banana Pecan Walnut Cake: “These products may contain nuts and other allergens.”

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John Boehner says he opposes ENDA, which would prohibit discrimination against gay and lesbian employees in the workplace, saying it possibly could put a financial burden on businesses. Which means the bill may never see the House floor. Maybe supporters could get the speaker to put it to a vote if they added a provision prohibiting discrimination against orange people.

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Despite Nick Foles’ 7 TD performance against the Oakland Raiders, Eagles coach Chip Kelly will not name him the team’s #1 QB. Guess Kelly wants to see how Foles performs against a professional defense?

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Baja Fresh says they are celebrating “Men’s Health Month” with a coupon for free guacamole and chips with any order in November. Right, because nothing says “Men’s Health” like eating an entire order of guacamole and chips with your tacos or burritos.

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I admired Charlie Crist when he was a Republican, now he’s running for for Governor as a Democrat, with the slogan “Together, we can get Florida back to common sense.” And they say politicians don’t dream really big anymore.

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In California, the Tea Party’s Tim Donnelly will announce his run for Governor tomorrow. And Jerry Brown is thinking “Christmas is coming early.”

(Donnelly btw, originally founded the Minutemen Party in California, and was caught last year at TSA with a gun in his carry-on.  For which he did not have a permit…)

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A Michigan woman who dressed up as a Boston Marathon bombing victim on Halloween, posted the picture online and wore it TO WORK, has apparently lost her job. Presumably not just for her tastelessness but her stupidity.

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Another day, another QB injury, this time Aaron Rodgers…. And yes, Tim Tebow, apparently you ARE chopped liver.

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So we may not ever know exactly what happened, but now the Miami Dolphins have suspended guard Richie Incognito late Sunday over “misconduct”related to the treatment of teammate Jonathan Martin. Great, as if concussions aren’t enough, another reason not to want your kids to play football.

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Glad the Miami Dolphins finally took a belated stand against what appears to have been over-the-top behavior by Incognito. Scary thing, is that just as with the Saints and the bounty program, do we really think that football just had one bad actor?

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Keep thinking about this Richie Incognito case. If he was that abusive to a 300 lb teammate, how did he treat, for example, the women in his life?

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And while bullying isn’t really funny, couldn’t resist this from my Chicago-born friend Alex Kaseberg:  “Apparently bullying is not unusual in pro sports. Just in the World Series, the Boston Red Sox taunted the St.  Louis Cardinals from the dugout by saying they played like a bunch of Chicago Cubs.”

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